Are late bloomers basically screwed?

themostgianthorse · 2021-01-18T22:14:45+00:00

Late bloomers are always better than never bloomers.

Competitive_Pen2282 · 2021-01-18T22:19:32+00:00

It depends what caused late blooming and did blooming actually heppened or they are just undatable.

TheBookOfSeil · 2021-01-18T23:43:00+00:00

Screwed? No.

Disadvantaged? Yes.

The best a late-bloomer can do is learn what they need to be successful but it seems like they do just fine for the most part. If they're a late-bloomer and unattractive, then they're probably more likely to fail since it's harder to recover from that.

jazzlikeAstronaut7 · 2021-01-18T23:36:00+00:00

Hmm. I think you could say the same about “early risers” haha.

• They have a lot of experience with heartbreak and so they have tons of trust issues and trauma

• You’re viewed as “used goods”

• You’ve already gotten sexual experimentation out of the way so there’s no more novelty or excitement

• Stuck in a nihilistic view of romance

dawsincreek · 2021-01-18T23:12:06+00:00

Would women rather date a late-bloomer over a single father? If they don't, then they have to wait for a divorced HVM, but that's unlikely, isn't it? On another sub, I've seen women say they wouldn't ever date guys with no exp, but it's not like there's many other better choices too for that age bracket in the "after market." Especially since people are less likely to switch partners at 30-40 range if they want kids and a house. I think if I were a woman, i'd rather take a chance on a late bloomer rather than date a guy with baggage or kids, but i'm not a woman so I can't say. Thoughts?

Returnofthemack3 · 2021-01-19T03:35:13+00:00

I'm a late bloomer, as in a virgin until 25, and I've fucked girls aged 21, 24, 26 and 29 in the last two or so years. I'm currently 33 and no, I'm not a chad ( working on that aspect lol).

So yeah, I'm gonna go with 'its not too late'

the40yearoldincel · 2021-01-19T02:02:44+00:00

Yes. I'm 42. I realized it was pretty much over at 40. I think once you pass age 30, it's not impossible, but it's definitely much more difficult. Once you get to my age, it's 100% over.

Potential romantic partners do not want middle-aged partners who have not only lack of sexual experience, but it also is about lack of emotional experience. I can say with confidence I know for a fact I would not know how to act in a relationship with a woman, and I'm pretty sure it would not be at the same level or maturity as most 42 years old are. I'm not saying I would act like some immature 19 year old, but I don't know how to talk or connect with someone on a romantic and/or sexual level for someone my age. It's that kind of thing that keeps people from not wanting to get to get together with someone who is a late bloomer.

elemental_prophecy · 2021-01-18T23:22:23+00:00

[deleted]

Hoopy223 · 2021-01-18T22:32:37+00:00

Its what you make of it. I know it sounds silly but you really have to do the best with what you have. Being inexperienced at age 27 isn’t bad. Sticking with the habits that got you there & winding up a 40 year old virgin wouldn’t be fun though.

CanisLupisAutism · 2021-01-18T22:12:47+00:00

Being a late bloomer is unironically great, and conducive to a healthy family life.

I have said many times, that if I were going back to university to complete a dissertation in psychology (I'm not), I would want to do it on this question, the question of why some people are late bloomers, the meaning of it, and so forth.

My chief hypothesis is that blooming late is adaptive by helping one to avoid stupid mistakes. Pregnancy. STIs. Spiritual bonds. Etc. Far from feeling that they "missed out", late bloomers should be glad they "missed" all these miseries.

Find another late bloomer and get married, this is the way.

PPD_IS_CANCER · 2021-01-19T02:39:47+00:00

The guys who are late bloomers aren't screwed because they are late bloomers, but rather because of what caused them to be late bloomers (i.e. being ugly). This is not the case for women; being a late bloomer is generally a choice for them.

octocombo · 2021-01-18T22:42:42+00:00

The items you've listed are probably more common issues for late bloomers to deal with on the whole if you're generalizing, though certainly they don't apply 100% to all late bloomers. And at least for the last one (being stuck in a teenage view of romance), idk if that's even a more common issue for late bloomers.

But there are also positive trends associated with being or dating a late bloomer. Late bloomers are:

less likely to have STIs
less likely to have been teen parents or be bringing a kid to a new relationship at all
less likely to have emotional baggage from previous relationships, e.g., still being hung up on an ex
more likely to be willing to listen and adjust to what their partner specifically wants in bed, e.g., you don't get paternalistic comments like "well, all my exes liked when I did this with my tongue, I'm sure you'll like it this way too once you stop being so self-conscious"
you don't have a traumatic history of being in abusive relationships, and while it may be harder for you to spot red flags than your same-age peers, it is probably easier for you to spot red flags than it was for your peers when they were inexperienced AND young
you may be viewed as particularly responsible
if you're with a more-experienced partner, they can help you have a better first time rather than having two inexperienced people fumbling together
you can more easily estimate what your partner will be like in the future based on how they are when you start dating them, e.g., where you are at age 25 is a better predictor of how you will be at age 35 than where you are at age 18 is a predictor of how you will be at age 28

PickleLine · 2021-01-18T23:15:00+00:00

Women aren't but men are.

As age increases, the male to female ratio of inexperienced daters gets worse (higher) for men.

GridReXX · 2021-01-19T00:07:42+00:00

I watched a season 6 episode of How to Get Away with Murder recently.

It featured a disabled dude who wanted to sue a dating app because he felt it was only matching him with other disabled women. And he felt he deserved a chance at able bodied women.

The truth is it was mostly disabled bodied women matching with him. No conspiracy.

Anyway Annalise’s legal team finds out the guy is heavy in Reddit and incel forums. They pretty much tell him to drop the case and accept a payout or else they’ll expose his hateful screeds to the public.

He ultimately decides to drop the case because Annalise (played by Viola Davis) corners him and asks him what is his goal?

He says “I deserve love with who I want too.”

Her: That’s your issue. Heh. “Deserve.”

She essentially tells him “I’m a dark skinned black woman who has been called ugly, undesirable, mannish, disrespected, and not cherished by men my entire life”. “I’ve been angry, yes. But you don’t see me bitching about all woe is me as if life owes me something. You make due and you press forward. You find joy.”

She essentially told the man tough titty we all have our woes.

I did find that episode interesting. As a black woman stumbling upon the manosphere I suppose I was immediately taken aback that so many people felt like they “were owed” anything.

One thing about being a black woman in America is that you don’t ever feel that way lol.

TLDR: Late bloomers are disadvantaged. But so are a lot of folks. They’re only “screwed” if they choose to feel and act towards that.

IcarusKiki · 2021-01-18T22:44:58+00:00

Late bloomers don’t become teen parents I guess

screamingIn2_theVoid · 2021-01-18T23:15:30+00:00

Hardcore late bloomer, and life is good.

MrWubbert · 2021-01-19T02:09:51+00:00

It’s okay OP, I’m the late bloomer. 22 and one 3 month relationship under my belt. I’m very curious to know as this is a constant source of anxiety for me.

MasterTeacher123 · 2021-01-19T00:05:39+00:00

I’ve never believed there was some defined time in your life where you have to learn how to be successful with women. Like if you don’t meet this cut off it’s over forever.

I’ve seen dudes who started at 25 who get more ass(and better quality ass) than guys who started at 15.

SmurfESmurferson · 2021-01-18T22:12:15+00:00

One of my college roommates didn’t get her first kiss until 21. First time came well after that. She’s happily married with a kid and a great career

Don’t overthink it, or you’ll screw yourself

BrownEyedGringa · 2021-01-19T02:23:09+00:00

I started dating at 25 and was terrified about these things you mentioned.

The truth is, though, is that most of the guys didn't care. They desired me just as much as they would any woman for sex or a partnership. If they did care, it wasn't enough to make them end things with me. I am pretty, feminine, and was genuinely enthusiastic about getting to know them and dating in general.

Now, it may have been different if I was a man.

East-Panda9284 · 2021-01-18T23:41:59+00:00

Just pay to get a few grounding experiences. What other options are there I guess

xxpen15mightierxx · 2021-01-19T03:48:03+00:00

I’ve read that this is bad because

You’ve read this is bad from losers who themselves can’t figure it out. It’s definitely doable. Maybe even easier now that you’re older.

If someone is treating you abusively stand up for yourself. It’s not a black hole, you can get out of it.

People dont want to teach someone how to please them Youre viewed as an odd anomaly, people assume there is something wrong with you People have already gotten sexual experimentation out of the way so if you want to try something they already did but don’t want to again, you’re screwed.

Objectively false.

And any insecurity is your responsibility to address and can be addressed. LTR material is constantly entering the market even as it leaves. The single mom myth is just that, and even if true they aren’t all the trailer trash psychopaths trp makes them out to be, just to bracket your worst case scenario. If you’re worried about immature views on romance watch how your peers do it.

TheAmazingSpiderVan · 2021-01-19T05:26:41+00:00

I didn't have sex until I was 21 and didn't have a gf until a year later. I feel pretty well adjusted now at 27.

Dating/flirting/sex is a skill, like public speaking or playing guitar. Some people are naturally good at it and even then, you gets better with reps. You're gonna make mistakes but the more you do it the easier it gets.

Sex and dating doesn't determine your self worth. Build your character; become more of who you want to be day by day. Don't sit around and expect something to change. Shit ain't gonna fall into your lap by waiting.

The more comfortable you are with yourself, the more people will want to be around you i.e. the more attractive you will be to women.

2021-01-18T22:58:12+00:00

No I don’t think so! Late bloomer here. You tend to pick up on things pretty fast if you’re not socially retarded. You just have to pay attention and listen to even the small stuff that folks won’t directly tell you. It takes time. It will suck. You’ll make embarrassing mistakes. You’ll be rejected. Learn to take in stride, I’m sure they do that in other aspects of their lives.

Brilliant-Hornet1916 · 2021-01-19T00:24:54+00:00

It honestly depends how late, hitting your stride in early 20s is still salvageable but it gets more and more difficult the older you get.

However I do agree as a man, being a late bloomer can be a death sentence. Women want men who are sexually experienced, and men that other women find desirable, it's a fail on both counts. Lack of previous sexual success will lead to all the assumptions that the man is timid, low social value etc.

Frankly you can see why guys lie about previous sexual success, it's either that or be brutally categorised as a low value beta by women.

The dating options as you get older as you said are also terrible. Single moms and high body count women who now want to settle down with someone steady make up the large majority of the market once you start approaching 30.

Atlas__B__Shruggin · 2021-01-19T01:39:57+00:00

late bloomers are screwed if they expect to live out some FOMO high school experience with virgins

DesertWolf45 · 2021-01-19T00:52:24+00:00

I never dated in high school, dated only a few people in college, and only one of them resulted in a follow-up and LTR, which went down in flames.

You may have less experience than other people your age, but you can build on it through practice.
Partners should judge you by your current qualities, not by your past experience or lack thereof. Anyone who judges you for being inexperienced is unsuitable.
You're not limited to single parents. My grandparents met when they were 30. People are having kids at increasingly later ages. It's not a good trend, but it is what it is.
Openness to experimentation is an individual trait. Sex gets better when your partner's more experienced.
Reflecting on my lack of experience is certainly painful. I feel like what could've been the best years of my life were ruined and I'm fearful of being stuck this way. What keeps me going, however, is looking forward to an independent future, to being able to date freely. (Access to my own house, transportation, and economic sustenance.)
Even if you have a teenage attitude towards dating, there's no limit to maturity with experience. In certain regards, age truly is nothing but a number.

red-tea-rex · 2021-01-19T00:42:57+00:00

If you're male you become more desirable as you reach your late 20s. You have resources, and you can date younger women 18-25 without any stigma because you're still young. Really no down side. And if a woman is attracted to you the lack of experience isn't going to be a deal breaker. Especially if you have an agile tongue, lol.

metsaema · 2021-01-19T01:19:45+00:00

I didn't dated or hookup in high school, and I only dated in my last years in college although it was my early twenties, I'm not sure if I qualify as a late boomer but I usually think I do.

I think there is good and bad in that.

I didn't had experience, but I also didn't had baggage or scars from past relationships. I also was quite an independent person myself and had a lot of self-knowledge, I lacked experience but I learned fast. I see a lot of people who dated a lot during high school and get stuck in abusive relationships because they don't know how to be alone, I never risked that because I was comfortable being alone.

I think I was more viewed as quirky than an anomaly. Some people thought I was too stuck up to date, but I never cared. In my case, I never dated because I didn't cared for it instead of not dating because I was undesirable or something like that. In this sense, I think unattractive people will have it worse – but this isn't related purely on being a late bloomer.

There is so much stuff to experiment in sex, I don't think it's really an issue. For the other part, it can be actually quite thrilling experience to teach you and explore your innocence, at least my boyfriend think this way.

There is room for insecurity, but in my relationship it came from the other side. My boyfriend felt afraid he was disturbing me in experiencing new people because he is my first and only.

I don't think people are this homogeneous. There is other late boomers, there is child free people, and single parents aren't necessarily bad.

As teenage romance was never my thing, I never really had a romantic teenage perspective so I am better with that than someone who build all their personality in their teens in having relationships.

Alberic2092 · 2021-01-19T01:37:06+00:00

If you're good looking, have a decent job and personality, and a good sense of humor then you can still find decent women. Some women may like that you haven't slept around a lot despite them having done so. Some women might enjoy teaching you new things.

feminazi_oppresor · 2021-01-19T02:26:05+00:00

If you actually were screwed there wouldn’t be such a thing as a late bloomer...

Bandit174 · 2021-01-19T02:50:47+00:00

I think all of your bullets are pretty accurate but how screwed they are also depends on how attractive the person is and how late of a bloomer they are. For example the 22 year old late bloomer is significantly better off than the late 20s early 30s one.

As far as pros, the only I can think or are no stds and no unplanned children but neither of those are exclusive to late bloomers.

cloudsongs_ · 2021-01-19T04:50:19+00:00

Nope, I just saw a post from a woman asking reddit what would he the best approach to making her 30+ year old boyfriend with 0 experience with sex comfortable.

My boyfriend is in his mid 20s and he has only had a single sexual experience before me.

Besides, no matter how many partners you have, you still have learn about your current partner and what they like and what you like to do with them

No "late bloomer" is screwed. It's just important to communicate so that no one is making the other uncomfortable.

vladvash · 2021-01-19T05:03:00+00:00

Nah dude. Men age well, women have it much rougher.

Brainless-Wonder · 2021-01-19T06:02:16+00:00

What is with this fatalistic attitude that PPD seems to love? Where do I even begin to tackle this?

It depends on the reasons why you’re a late bloomer. Just because you were a gawky teen doesn’t mean you can’t become socially successful in adulthood. Once you’re aware of your failures, it is very possibly to self-correct for them.

The amount of sex people were having back then highly varies. It’s not like everyone was out sucking and fucking constantly in their younger years, and not even at the same rate. There’s never actually a shortage of people to experiment with.

In your youth, people are dumb and may assume you’re weird for being a little late because well, they’re petty. We’re often bad at empathy when we’re younger, others’ struggles don’t seem to resonate as we are so preoccupied with our own. Quite a few people become more understanding with age.

Romantic priorities shift with age. People who slept around may want to settle down and find commitment, whereas people who were committed to the wrong person too early may want to enjoy being single and having no obligations for a while.

You aren’t screwed for being a late bloomer, as there’s never a bad time to start learning anything really. Life doesn’t follow a set path.

DREADC0RSAIR · 2021-01-19T10:03:02+00:00

I disagree. People who date when they are mature likely will approach it with a loving wonder vs an experienced jaded perspective.

PMmeareasontolive · 2021-01-19T00:27:33+00:00

Late bloomers might not want to settle down because they are trying to make up for what they feel like they missed out on in their late teens/early 20's. And it takes them a long time to make up for it. I mostly hear this about guys, does it apply to women too?

However, they might not have a very high bar comparatively and could find you, or nearly anyone, awesome if you paid any attention to them.

RockyNada · 2021-01-18T23:33:19+00:00

The only thing you missed is catching an STD..

Caring_Cactus · 2021-01-19T02:11:43+00:00

Always remember that getting older does not automatically mean one is maturing. Some people, even if they've dated, are really immature and their age does not show it. While there are also people who have never dated, but are quite mature.

It really depends on the person.

power_cleaner · 2021-01-18T22:50:18+00:00

My best friend lost his virginity a few days after his 21st birthday. Oct 2017. By his 23rd in oct 2019 he only had sex 3x in his life with 3 girls. Was a terrible performer. He was still in college. Had made out with a decent amount of girls though.

Last 2 months of the semester he slept with 3 girls and had two fwbs. Graduated in December of that year.

Now he’s slept with 15 girls and been in 2 relationships and he turned 24 in October.

Last year he slept with 8 girls off of dating apps despite the lockdown. Has a gf now who’s hot.

He was pretty ugly and super skinny in hs. Huge awkward stage. He’s quite good looking now.

SteveSan82 · 2021-01-19T01:52:25+00:00

Never too late

KurkTheMagnificent · 2021-01-19T02:07:03+00:00

Am I the only one who is confident in my ability to pleasure a woman as a "late boomer"? Like I've watched enough porn to know the subtleties and have enough self-discipline to hold myself back and have her cum first.

AnarchoNAP · 2021-01-19T04:37:34+00:00

I really think this depends on geography. Different areas have different average ages of marriages. (First marriage, which is the only one that matters.) I don't consider someone who didn't date/fuck around to be a red flag. Where I'm from, if you didn't get engaged by like 17 you were screwed. As I wasn't free to be around people until I was 18 I was screwed. Where I moved to, people married later and did NOT have multiple baby mamas by the time they were 25. Its really better to do it as early as possible, but that's not always an option.

hearyoume14 · 2021-01-19T05:12:56+00:00

To put my biases out there I am a disabled early 30s female with past trauma who has never been interested in a sexual/romantic relationship and who's neurological issues like to read physical sensations as being pain.

It depends on if you are talking about an emotional,social or physical late bloomer.

I knew plenty of people who were more focused on school work/working/etc then dating during high school and college.Most just didn't have the time due to other commitments.

It also depends on your environment and who you hang around.I'm used to people who date to marry who tend to be more traditional so their strategy isn't as common anymore.

Someone who doesn't want/can't have kids will do things differently than someone who does.

If the person has taken steps to fix or work with past traumas,hang ups and negatives behaviors they can be fantastic partners.Same with someone who doesn't have practical experience with sex and relationships but who has read up on them and talked to others.

Communication is important.Knowing what you want is important but some people are too picky or have unrealistic expectations.

therealhallieparker · 2021-01-19T05:23:18+00:00

Eh. I (22f) was an very early bloomer, but I was very awkward and anxious throughout all of high school so I had very little hookup experience by the time I graduated (had experiences but they sucked on many levels unlike what my peers seemed to be experiencing) and had zero real romantic relationships. I’m in a wonderful LTR now, and, despite my inexperience in romantic relationships and a few and far-in between history of sexual encounters, my relationship is utterly perfect and I do not regret my past lack of experiences, nor do I feel like they have negatively impacted my relationship in any way.

Any issues, regardless of when you bloomed and the amount of one’s experiences, seem to lie in how insecure you are. That’s something that can be worked through, and is an area that I struggled with throughout my adolescence, am still working through, but have made tremendous strides in!

To answer your question as to whether there are any pros: it doesn’t matter. Whether you or your partner are late bloomers will, in your adult life, have little to no impact on your relationships—your self-esteem is more of a determining factor.

JameisBong · 2021-01-19T05:41:16+00:00

Depends on why, but for the most part no. You just arrived late to the party, get busy and catch up to whatever is going on.

Laytheblameonluck · 2021-01-19T06:19:33+00:00

Read books.

Such as:

"Come as you are" by Emily Nagoski
"The science of Trust" by John Gottman
"Intimacy and Desire" by David Schnarch
"Hold me Tight" by Sue Johnson

As well as "No more Me Nice Guy", read that so to stop being walked over.

OG_walrus · 2021-01-19T07:13:31+00:00

late bloomers

screwed

Hmmmm

ChibsFilipTelfordd · 2021-01-19T08:30:24+00:00

All the good LTR material is already off the market. As you get older your only option is a single parent past a certain age.

This is the worst one. All the others can be dealt with imo. If i was a late bloomer and wasn't dating my gf currently I'd probably just screen out any bad ltr material and likely not find anyone but hope i got lucky and did

Hashk_nirvana · 2021-01-19T08:39:49+00:00

For men

Late blooming is not bad

Guys accrue good resources by then so are pretty good prospect for younger women

For late blooming women : they are screwed bad as a young ugly guy is screwed in his early years

Women smv must have gone down like crazy so they are what you wrote about it

plaguemaid · 2021-01-19T13:38:46+00:00

Ok just because you read all of that stuff, doesn’t mean it has to be your reality. I think by seeing this “list”, you’ve now set all these mental limitations in your head. Just put yourself out there, get experienced, and ignore the voice in your head that tells you you’re not good enough.

pillchangedmylife · 2021-01-19T16:30:57+00:00

Well .. if in your 30s your now good enough for women your own age with 50+ notch count ..fading looks .. mental baggage and a kid ... then yes.

2021-01-19T19:16:46+00:00

If hypothetically you got into dating later in life, and I bet this is happening more as young people live more isolated lives, one can try to reframe these handicaps so they aren’t as depressing.

Dating didn’t teach me about red flags. By then it was too late. Learning from other people taught me all I needed to know. I wish I had started dating later in life.
Everyone has to learn a new partner’s body, whether it’s your first partner or your hundredth. Reading women talk to each other about things they hate in bed and keeping them in mind would save many a man embarrassment. We were all built to figure sex out and find compatible partners, it’s not rocket science. Nearly all men last two seconds the first round the first time they’re in a new vagina.
It’s probably more common than one thinks to start later. Religious kids still save for marriage, I‘ve met them. Feeling weird about it will make it weirder for her than being able to say you haven’t met the right person yet. At worst she’s going to be afraid the guy will fall in love. If he cultivates a whatever attitude, that everything happens when its supposed to state of mind, only a bitch would be freaked out.
Again, any new partner no matter how experienced or inexperienced they are will have things they are not cool doing, whether they’ve tried them or not. Just because it‘s a terps worst nightmare to imagine Chad getting in the past what he won’t today get doesn‘t mean a virgin wouldn’t refuse him the same. No one is screwed by not getting that scratch off square first because someone someday might happily provide whatever act being denied.
Again, any kind of sexual history with anyone of any experience can lead to insecurity if you let it. Look at men freaking out about N count on PPD. Omg she’s seen a bigger dick! She’s had multiple orgasms! How can I compare? You can’t compare if you psych yourself out. There is only one you and you might be her best lover. There is a reason the other guy isn’t around anymore.
Starting younger doesn’t mean your odds were necessarily better. You might BE that single parent in a parallel universe.
You have an adult mind and other kinds of relationship experience. Less jaded and less guarded is how we should all approach relationships. The only thing I could think of is a man wanting to have a lot of casual sex to make up for lost time when women his age are ready to stop dating and get serious, but that’s not a feature of men that’s exclusive to late bloomers.

D-majin · 2021-01-20T03:56:57+00:00

You don’t think their are female late bloomers too? There’s certainly disadvantages but you are in no way screwed

Extremely__Moderate · 2021-01-18T22:14:40+00:00

Get a late blooming partner. I think our society has put too much emphasis on finding ”forever partners” if you know its just going to be temporary, theres a lot less pressure.

yuckyuck13 · 2021-01-19T00:38:27+00:00

50/50, really depends if they want to do something about it. Confidence, education, acquiring a better job etc etc are things you have to work for. Muggsy Bogues, only 5' 3 which is a huge height disadvantage in the NBA yet he played for 14 seasons. For some people it's a disadvantage because they decided it is, while others work harder.

ApprehensiveWheel32 · 2021-01-19T04:14:47+00:00

Men bloom in their 30s-40s. Women bloom in their teens-20s.

Lock down a partner when you’re at your strongest.

2021-01-18T22:35:04+00:00

For men, yes it makes it much more difficult. This is mainly because PIV sex is largely dependent on how a man thrusts and motions, as well as how much foreplay he knows a woman needs before she is lubricated enough for PIV.

I think not knowing that can make sleeping with a more experienced woman a little awkward. Like there's a meme about guys not being able to find a clit.

SaBahRub · 2021-01-18T22:19:57+00:00

I was. The info is all there if you want to use it

JohnDoe9564 · 2021-01-18T22:22:34+00:00

If he has good friends with experience in the dating market, then I don't see how he couldn't be brought up to speed with some tips and advice

ChillHouston097 · 2021-01-19T00:27:13+00:00

No not at all. Just focus on growing physical, mentally, spiritually and financially and you should be cool. I know late bloomers who got their stuff together and are good now. I know a guy who was a virgin throughout school and he's good now. Its never too late to start shining.

_Neon_Shadow_ · 2021-01-19T01:01:30+00:00

You’re inexperienced so you won’t be able to spot red flags as easily and may end up in an abusive relationship

Then find someone whose also inexperienced. But its easy to spot red flags in today's world, just look online. Going into my first few relationships I heard a lot of things were red flags and looked out for them. I didnt have any experience but I made a mental note. They proved to be red flags indeed, but you can avoid a lot of unnecessary problems by listening to people that experienced the same.

People dont want to teach someone how to please them

This has not been my experience. If a woman loves you, in my experience, she is perfectly happy teaching you what her buttons are.

Youre viewed as an odd anomaly, people assume there is something wrong with you

In today's world? I wouldn't be surprised, shit is fucked. As long as you are a good person, I doubt it matters.

People have already gotten sexual experimentation out of the way so if you want to try something they already did but don’t want to again, you’re screwed.

Yeah, pretty much.

Unbalanced sexual history which can lead to insecurity.

Don't date sluts.

All the good LTR material is already off the market. As you get older your only option is a single parent past a certaislots.

Kinda... you can definitely find someone, but the effort required grows exponentially. Its up to you to determine if its worth it.

Basically stuck in a teenage view of romance as an adult.

Yeah, it can happen.

Any pros to being a late bloomer or dating one?

Speaking from experience, you both get to discover the ups and downs of a relationship for the first time together. Which is fun. Also, I find late bloomers less jaded than women who have been used and abused. You don't have to worry about them being riddled with std's or wild sexual histories.

SkepticDrinker · 2021-01-19T01:35:02+00:00

Assuming this wasn't becuase of some irregularity (deformed or ptsd) then no.

RRBeachFG2 · 2021-01-19T02:29:36+00:00

Only if your a guy, orherwise any man would be glad to help

after_quarantine · 2021-01-19T03:52:42+00:00

Depends how hard you get shafted up to that blooming point. In my case it's way too late, with amounts of shaft i got I could make a living being a gay porn actor xD

TheMailmanic · 2021-01-19T04:14:22+00:00

Nope not at all

Always compare yourself to yourself in the past, not to others

cowsxforever · 2021-01-19T08:38:30+00:00

Not screwed lol. Sure maybe your first time won’t be mind blowing to your partner cause of no experience. But having good sex doesn’t take years and years to “figure out”. Most people learn how to have good sex p quickly. I wouldn’t worry about that aspect. I would be more worried about the lack of relationship skills that comes from not dating. Having experience means that you know what your boundaries are, you know how to fight fair, and know what you want in a person. That shit is hard.

Also there’s people that have had tons of sexual experiences and still see their current adult relationship as a teenage romance (ehem, me). Not a bad thing in my eyes :) but you have to do what’s right for YOU! Best of luck

LooseIndication · 2021-01-19T09:30:07+00:00

Society is really evil creating late bloomers, so I understand when one man struggle, finds it unfair, and has a hard time coming out the well.

They had been deprived of the experience needed to learn essential aspects of life.

But I frequently think "you deserve it", when those same dudes refuse to learn when they get all the experience and lessons they miss, served to them in a plate, and they still think that they know better.

The sentence is "not guilty" until they make the choice of keeping the blue pill. Then is "guilty", and you deserve it.

Life is too short to waste your opportunities. If you are 30 or even 40, and you still choice to waste the little time you had left, it's your fault.

The worst thing is that you will recognize the truth anyways, because as years pass, there is no alternative. But if you also find that you were told the truth with enough time, and you wasted it anyways, then you will be really hurt and cringe, and time doesn't goes back.

Perrenekton · 2021-01-19T12:47:14+00:00

Not being able to spot red flags on 2021 when everything about relationship can be learnt online is not acceptable

aSpartan2 · 2021-01-19T13:19:25+00:00

That's real. I feel like I want teen love while the others want some shallow independent bad boy love.

TwoFirmFeet · 2021-01-19T13:40:41+00:00

Na

Late bloomers look younger than their age which will pay off in their 30s-60s. 30s-50s is a mans peak so why not add looking younger than most people your age in the mix? Doesnt sound bad to me.

Sid_Insidious · 2021-01-19T16:17:46+00:00

I was a late bloomer and I did pretty well as quite an average guy. Although I went through sort of an anti-social phase from 19-24, I did very well in the SMP between 25 and my early thirties when I got married. I was fit, sociable, well dressed, professional/technical employment and I put *lots* of TME (time, money and energy) into meeting women and dating. I either had a girlfriend during those times, or I was on a "sport-fucking mission between girlfriends". Been with... 45 or 50? or so? women?

There is a difference between "late bloomer" and outright "failure to launch". The former is often offered as a "nicer" term for the latter, but they're different things.

Delayed launch =/= failure to launch.

chadthechoker · 2021-01-19T18:43:39+00:00

Maybe, but it's up to you to change your fate. Nobody is gonna hand you shit. And these days, it seems pretty common for people not to date in college. I like to play PVP games and all the younger dudes seem to think women will take time away from their gaming.

Get your act in order and get in a relationship, or get a hook up, get a hooker, whatever. I wouldn't tell them you're a virgin, if you are. Women say they don't care about that but none of my female friends are down with it.

IcarusKiki · 2021-01-19T19:13:28+00:00

It’s sucks because as late bloomer you get crazy fomo. I am pretty successful right now at 21 with steady loving bf and a nice place and a good education but I still kind of pine for those crazy times I could of had in hs and early college. Not sexually, but just going out and having fun with friends and meeting new people. Now it’s quarantine and even harder to meet others.

Zonkey_Zeedonk · 2021-01-20T00:10:12+00:00

Probably depends how “late” you bloom. If you’re talking about not losing you virginity until you’re 18-19/not dating in high school, you’ll be fine. I know plenty of people who that is the case of an now in my 30s they’ve been plenty successful in dating/marriage.

If “late” is like mid-late 20s there will be a stigma about your virginity probably as people are afraid virgins will be high maintenance after sex.

Steyrox · 2021-01-20T09:57:21+00:00

In addition to those negative views people have of you, that you listed, you would have to add the reasons why you ended up in that place in the first place. Things like trauma, attachment issues, trust issues, issues with intimacy and poverty. Those things don't get any easier to fix as we grow older, only harder. Even if an opportunity shows up with someone who would be accepting of your limited experience, its not certain you would be able to go with them anyways.

tremmyguy · 2021-01-20T17:50:18+00:00

who cares if anyone wants to date you. It's only important if your ultimate life goal is just fucking and family or w/e

I always find that being content with yourself, being confident in yourself and having various skills is more appealing than having rich dating life, but that's just me. Cool to have both, but most of the times that's not the case. Being alone for longer periods of time can set you actually further than anyone else in a big way if you are productive and many people seriously overlook it.

Wether it affects you is direct result of how important it is to you and how you feel about it. If you don't really care, no on else will and vice versa.

mountainofjoy · 2021-01-21T04:37:32+00:00

Depends on the person, as with every hypothetical question on here.

I didn’t have a date till I was 25 and then married him. Worked great for me, may not work for others.

Vanishingastronaut · 2021-01-21T16:07:04+00:00

I wouldn’t waste my time dating anyone that had those as determining factors as to whether someone is worth dating or not. That is a red flag for me. Im not a late bloomer but I know my worth.

Incessant_Persistant · 2021-01-22T10:18:12+00:00

As a guy how has attempted at his first dating at 36 I can confirm this.
Had a very ugly rejection because of my inexperience moving on the physical part as a older guy.
Woman was shocked and broke all contact with me.
While we dated everything was perfect and enjoyable.
Once she realized I'm a virgin she basically doesn't want to speak to me anymore.

John_Oakman · 2021-01-19T03:31:55+00:00

One can always leverage the greater maturity and financial stability to be a great [step] parent and dramatically elevate the lives of some who are more unfortunate, but people here seem to value that lower than deadbeats and criminals...

2021-01-18T22:11:23+00:00

Christ man. Sort your negitive beliefs out.

2021-01-19T01:53:44+00:00

Depends how late you mean. I lost my virginity at 19 but didnt really start playing the field until I was 25. I dont think it harmed me that much. I guess I suffered from low self esteem at first for not feeling worthy - but once i'd slept with 10 or so women I felt like a normal guy.

Carloverguy20 · 2021-01-18T23:24:57+00:00

If you lack confidence in your abilities to do well in life, than it's gonna be hard. You have to have confidence with yourself, tons of people are late bloomers in life, whether it's academically, socially, work wise, talent wise and even romantic wise.

Being a late bloomer is great, i was technically a late bloomer in life, i didn't really develop until my sophomore year of high school. My first date was at 15 years old, my second date was at 18 almost 19. I didn't even know how to whack it until i was in college. I had a sexually repressed childhood growing up, relationships, dating sex were taboo and out of the picture. I was able to learn the game in college though.

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Title	Are late bloomers basically screwed?
Author	Sufficient-Ad-3586
Upvotes	222
Comments	228
Date	January 18, 2021 10:05 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/l051k1/are_late_bloomers_basically_screwed/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/are-late-bloomers-basically-screwed.752846 https://theredarchive.com/post/752846

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