I'd rather be a man finding a girlfriend than a woman finding a boyfriend.

krackedy · 2025-08-23T18:53:56+00:00

Women could just approach guys they like though. It's not illegal.

Superannuated_punk · 2025-08-23T18:54:31+00:00

You make it sound like it’s illegal for women to hit on men.

I promise it’s not.

smoll0d1ck0beta · 2025-08-23T19:06:59+00:00

The whole argument hinges on a believe that women can’t approach men. Which is a made up cop believe.

Zabadoodude · 2025-08-23T19:07:21+00:00

Women can approach too, if they want. Men have to approach, or stay single.

The women that do approach have a higher success rate than most men.

UnpredictableDemise8 · 2025-08-23T19:17:04+00:00

There is a simple solution to your problem, start approaching guys you're interested in. And then you've basically combined the good things from both worlds. He most likely agrees to date you, and you had the power of choosing yourself. What a miracle.

thedarkracer · 2025-08-23T19:02:38+00:00

Then why don't you? Ask lesbians how they feel about this?

Redhotangelxxx · 2025-08-23T23:14:47+00:00

I feel like this has been posted before and was equally disliked then? As a woman who often makes the first move, being a woman is as much as a passive "setting up a trap" as you want it to be. (In my case, not at all, I'm never approached by anyone in public so this is either a shit trap or just not how the world works lol).

Women are free to approach whoever they want and having done it basically my whole life I can tell you the miniscule amount of rejections you get is way worth the amount of yes's!

shadowrangerfs · 2025-08-23T19:44:06+00:00

Women can approach men. They just choose not to.

As for being approached by unattractive women, men are naturally bigger and stronger than women. So there is much less risk for us saying NO to them.

John_Oakman · 2025-08-23T20:32:50+00:00

The woman, if she so chooses, can take the initiative. The opposite, that of the male taking on a passive role, is worse than nothing (as it emasculate him in the eyes of society, among other things, like it isn't gonna work anyway).

Thus in theory women have greater freedom of action.

Now in reality given that given every woman will get sexually harassed and assaulted (if not raped and murdered) before they reached the age of 30 the life of the male starts to look a lot better in comparison, but that's another argument entirely.

Melodic_Structure928 · 2025-08-23T23:28:00+00:00

What you don’t understand is that women choose not to approach most guys cause they don’t have to. Who’s holding a gun to women’s heads every time their about to approach someone thus threaten their lifes.

women also do purse the guys they like you just don’t see it cause you aren’t one of those guys.

aslfingerspell · 2025-08-23T19:10:31+00:00

Women can approach men too, and they'd be more likely to get a yes, meanwhile there is almost nowhere in society where approaching as a man is generally acceptable.

Feeling_Ad_1034 · 2025-08-23T19:32:04+00:00

I agree, but for a better reason

As others have stated, Women CAN and DO approach (just more rarely)

However, as a man, your "Attractiveness" formula takes into account many traits you have actual control over such as:

Charisma
Skillsets/"Talents" (read the book "Talent is overrated" though.. talent is really just skillset)
Career
How much other men respect you
Humor
Lifestyle
Money
Grooming/Fashion

All of these things can be grinded at and leveled up to more than a small degree.

Not only that, but you also have a fair amount of control over physical attractiveness. Getting fit, working out, etc will help 95% of guys. I could even argue that you should also wear height-enhancing shoes if you're under 6 feet tall. Why not? Women do it, and honestly if she's that shallow, who cares.

Don't get me wrong, these things DO matter when it comes to the attractiveness formula for a woman, but far less. Like seriously considerably less.

IgorXY · 2025-08-23T18:59:32+00:00

Is this a rage bait or a troll post?

Who stops women from making a plan and stepping into arena? Lol, go talk to your crash, I as a representative of all men, grant you an ability to initiate.

And good job comparing average guy approaching to old and fat women. We all know how you view completely normal healthy guys your age who are not super tall, rich or has a face of a model. Bravo.

DankuTwo · 2025-08-23T18:53:42+00:00

“ Here’s why: men choose who they approach”

No, not really. Men cast a wide net and haul in the catch, whatever it may be. Women can be hunters, men gotta fish.

Kreeps_United · 2025-08-24T00:00:24+00:00

Here’s why: men choose who they approach. That’s real power.

Literally everyone does. With the posts here blaming men's problems on themselves this is just asinine.

SaltSpecialistSalt · 2025-08-23T19:17:57+00:00

like everything else with female victimhood narratives you dismiss that woman actually have a choice. they are usually fine even if they dont do anything special and there is nothing stopping them to take more initiative to get more in life other than leaving their comfort of privilege.

where for most men like everything else in their lives, dating is either grind or death

grown_folks_talkin · 2025-08-23T19:03:12+00:00

A man has bait too. This includes his looks but more importantly his social status, whether local or global. If his status is on-point, you’re correct.

Where your analogy falls apart is a man’s appetite for a partner is often very high regardless of whether his bait is in order. This is Sisyphean.

Whereas for many women the appetite diminishes to the point where many forget they set this trap a few months ago unless something reminds them to check it.

On attention from unattractive women, you’d have to reverse the sex drive and socialization of the genders to simulate the sucky aspects of that.

Ironically, the unobtrusive way women actually run game is an advantage for a man dealing with unattractive women. If inherent plausible deniability is a huge part of women’s game, we have extremely plausible deniability in feigning obliviousness to women’s game.

Agitated-Ad-3576 · 2025-08-23T19:40:31+00:00

I thought you were going to mention how women are the ones who have to live with the remorse of having had an abortion, or the ones who become single mothers living in poverty, or the ones who are more likely to contract an STD. But instead, you argued that women have it hard because they supposedly can't ask men out—an argument I find weak. I mean, can't women ask men out? Women can choose either to ask a man out or to wait for a man to ask them out.

Now, you mentioned that men supposedly have the power of choosing whom they approach. But have you considered that men who are autistic, introverted, or who suffer from social anxiety or social phobia are unable to approach women? This is a problem autistic or shy women don’t have to worry about, since they are approached by men.

growframe · 2025-08-23T19:46:06+00:00

men choose who they approach.

So do women.

Popeoath · 2025-08-24T06:29:25+00:00

Well I wouldn't.

Here’s why: men choose who they approach. That’s real power. You decide who gets the chance to say yes or no.

After countless cringes, weird looks, flat ignoring, insults, awkward conversations, and dead-end "have a nice day" interaction closures, eventually one is just approaching at basically random hoping someone responds positively and meaningfully. It goes from power to desperation.

Do we envy the homeless beggar who gets to "choose" who drops them change?

Meanwhile, dudes can put themselves in the arena. You get to make the plan, take the shot, and maybe walk away with what you want. Win or lose, you're not just waiting around.

I would rather have my mere presence be potentially productive than have to constantly take action that's likely to fail for even the illusion of a chance of progression.

I can put myself in the boxing ring, but with my weight and reaction timing I'd lose every bout. Not a very useful opportunity in that scenario.

Being a guy in the dating world is like being a hunter. You spot your target, study the terrain, get your gear ready, and go for it. You might miss. You might bag a buck. But you control the timing, the target, the approach. The ball is in your court.

For some guys it's like they're hunting in a forest where it's illegal, with a painful limp, and a water gun.

For the guys here, imagine if half of the fat women you saw flirted with you. Imagine if old ladies tried to ask you out whenever you went shopping.

A sufficiently desperate man is not going to find 100% of these women unattractive, so it'd still be an improvement over their current situation.

while men rarely have to talk to women they don't want to talk to.

But some men end up literally never talking to women, or with all their talks with women being negative in nature (since women usually won't speak to you first unless there's some problem).

That is not preferable to the average female experience. Guys who are assertive and charismatic enough to make good use of the "agency" value it. They would probably feel differently if they had 0 success.

alpha2828 · 2025-08-23T19:12:26+00:00

I wish I were a woman; I would have been a complete slut.

NonsensePlanet · 2025-08-23T19:22:16+00:00

Even if you assume everyone is conforming to traditional gender roles, there is power in being the object of attraction as well as the person who has the final say in allowing an encounter to continue. Men and women have different types of power in their traditional roles, and women in general seem happy to continue being pursued.

Large_Bed_4251 · 2025-08-24T15:23:48+00:00

Broke my hand facepalming

Fickle_Friendship296 · 2025-08-25T19:10:45+00:00

But honestly? I prefer the man’s side of the dating game.

I can say this with absolute certainty that if men and women were to switch roles for 1 year, women would absolutely despise the FUCK out of dating.

Low-Chipmunk-6362 · 2025-08-23T18:55:42+00:00

you know women can approach too right? with a higher success rate no less

you get to do everything guys do on top of being able to just sit and be approached

>Women can get all dressed up, spend hours on their makeup, post thirst traps, and still be invisible to the one guy they actually want. So many women dress pretty and spend hours donning on makeup hoping their crush notices them. Meanwhile, it's likely their crush never notices them or cares about them

sounds like someone keeps shooting outside their league

Icyfemboy · 2025-08-23T19:22:54+00:00

Long ass essay just to say you can’t pull the man you actually want as if men can easily pull women they actually want. Men just shoot for less because they know their place you still won’t get the Prince Charming version of a woman if you were a man.

Livid-Log7463 · 2025-08-23T19:24:21+00:00

It’s more like would you rather be the potential employee putting in a job application (men) or the business owner selecting who to employ (women). The one who has the final decision is always at an advantage.

UpstairsAd1235 · 2025-08-24T02:15:50+00:00

Besides the clear virtue-signaling and whiteknighting in this post, my only fucking problem, that many other women do by the way, is this:

For the guys here, imagine if half of the fat women you saw flirted with you. Imagine if old ladies tried to ask you out whenever you went shopping... BLAH BLAH BLAH

^ Why are you all comparing average men to the ugliest and worst of women?... This is the most biased way to look at things. It only serves to overrate women and support their delusional beliefs. Most men are average! Most women are average! Stop this nonsense.

Jetpine9 · 2025-08-23T22:03:03+00:00

It's crazy how some women seem to negotiate dating effortlessly and other women seem completely helpless. And the former don't seem able to help the latter

throwawaylessons103 · 2025-08-23T19:25:21+00:00

Harsh truth:

Many really hot guys DO get a ton of unwanted attention from women they’re not attracted to.

The way you’re feeling about the men you’re not attracted to, could easily be the way your crush feels about you. You’re not invisible, they’re just not interested.

Women absolutely DO have the power to act, but I think on some level many of them know there’s a good likelihood of rejection. And that’s the real reason they won’t, not because of gender norms.

This just sounds like a case of “The people I want don’t want me, the people I don’t want, want me” which is the most common dating problem.

Training-Cook3507 · 2025-08-23T19:18:52+00:00

Haha, you sound like you must be female. Women can approach anyone they want. The fact that you write this from the perspective as though that's not possible is a tell.

The primary reason they don't is because they don't have to.

OppositePerspicacity · 2025-08-23T21:21:39+00:00

You make a good point, for anybody who prioritizes agency, being a man is definitely better.

What makes you wrong though is that as a woman, you can easily approach a man and have a high percentage of success, but for most men women will never come to you no matter what you do.

You have the option to have the advantage of the opposite gender, men don't.

Emotional_Meal748 · 2025-08-23T22:00:04+00:00

Replace sex with relationship and all the dynamics reverse. I’d rather be man finding a girlfriend than a woman finding a girlfriend BUT I’d rather be a woman finding a sexual partner that a man finding a sexual partner

Swimming_Skill_2078 · 2025-08-24T00:26:33+00:00

Assuming you’re a women I don’t think you understand how hard it is to talk to girls especially when they’re older. People forget that Majority of Men are either good, decent, ok or trash with women. Most men aren’t skilled. If we’re gonna fair you cant be thinking of yourself as some 6’1 JV Basketball Player who lives in a 700k house getting girls just be existing.

What you’re gonna play as is a 5’6 man who played video games. Your character looks ok, skinny, glasses, defenseless living in a 300k house. And let’s add you never had a girlfriend in high-school. You’ll be surprised how many young boys that don’t know how to talk to girl or don’t try to at least.

Now let’s say youre in college you’re horny as hell tryna to get a girl. You see a girl you think is really cute. You walk up talking all nervous like lookin like this🥴. She giggles and rejects you. You go home and cry then masturbate.

Next week you see another cute girl. You’re confident, you feel good about yourself, you started using deodorant, puffin out your chest you’re just the man right now. You walk up to her, sauce her up get her number. Now you in there right…you texting her…getting to her know..and 3 days later….She ghost you!👻🤩. Then you go home cry and masturbate.

See where I’m getting at? Trust me when I say this you wouldn’t last if you had to play our game. Y’all don’t realize the amount of confidence, will power and strength we gotta pull out our ass. You don’t even have the confidence to talk to men right now, what makes you think you’ll have the confidence as a man. Respect players

ResponsibilityAny217 · 2025-08-24T05:04:49+00:00

Ur exactly right. All ur reasoning is exactly why I tell women to approach a guy. It feels great hunting and succeeding( not so much failing)

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Artistic_Speech_1965 · 2025-08-23T23:00:34+00:00

I partially agree. There are a lot of advantage being a woman because you can recieve so much attention, help, gifts or financial investment if you work enougth on your attractivity. Plus finding dates can be on easy mode since you're the one waiting for the man to prove himself

But for the rest I completly agree. As a man, you just have to be attractive, look for women who show signs of interest, choose the one you like and invest on her

RavenEridan · 2025-08-23T19:19:16+00:00

Toxic masculinity makes you think men only approach

jadzia_d4x · 2025-08-23T19:50:12+00:00

This is the same defeatist kind of position that I see here from some red pill men and it isn't a strong one for the purpose of debate.

When I read stuff like this from anyone, I just wanna send the author some love and try to remind them that we all have some degree of agency, even when we're up against real or perceived societal/social norms that feel like brick walls.

You've got agency here, it is your decision to participate in this gendered pursuer/pursued dynamic. It's really not as that transgressive to approach men as a woman, and you have plenty of men here in this sub across the red/blue spectrum who express that they wish women did this more often.

xmod3563 · 2025-08-23T19:04:19+00:00

Pretty insightful. In general I agree. I'm a dude btw.

Trancetastic16 · 2025-08-23T19:35:53+00:00

There can be an appeal to playing dating on hard mode, yes, but there are also other tradeoffs to consider.

Due to women being the sexual selectors, they are more highly desired and thus able to experience the bonus to one’s life of romantic and sexual partnerships, and also are able to choose which men they approach and are likely to receive a high positive response rate from.

But, in my case, being one of the less desired sexes, Neurological groups, cultural groups, and LGBT, I filter out incompatible dating partners quickly and also able to quickly filter those whom would discriminate against me for friendship as well.

It makes it easier to observe and detect the common discrimination by those bullies in society rather than having to work harder to discern who those people are amongst a much more dense dating pool.

With that said, dating is still like searching for clean water in a swamp for us too, we just have a much smaller dating pool, but at least that also means that the mature people amongst that rare percent of the population are more self-aware of their own dealbreakers and committed to knowing what they can compromise on for you and help you learn what you can equally for them. It becomes a necessity to successfully date if you are one of these folk like I am.

This is my best attempt to explain the key advantage of choosing to approach irregardless of your age or sex and I encourage women to do the same.

Practical-Monk1586 · 2025-08-24T23:46:20+00:00

As a woman, I’d rather be a man finding a girlfriend too. I’m attractive and very sociable with a successful career, I will both approach and respond with curiosity to being approached by men. I mostly hate feeling “less” agency in being the pursuer, getting attention from disgusting creeps, and also hate doing make up/hair/getting dressed up girlie for things lol. Just my two cents 🤙🏼

Aimeereddit123 · 2025-08-23T19:42:19+00:00

I AGREE! I’d rather be finding a gf instead of a bf if anything happened to my husband. That’s exactly what I would do. 😊

Title	I'd rather be a man finding a girlfriend than a woman finding a boyfriend.
Author	Utopia_Builder
Upvotes	0
Comments	140
Date	August 23, 2025 6:51 PM UTC (11 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1my9of8/id_rather_be_a_man_finding_a_girlfriend_than_a/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/id-rather-be-a-man-finding-a-girlfriend-than-a.1560271 https://theredarchive.com/post/1560271

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