Why does Polyamory get so much hate here?

SupposedlySapiens · 2024-02-05T21:08:45+00:00

It is because of people like you using confused wording very intentionally like saying 'some people' at the beginning and then expanding it to 'no one is happy with monogamy' Most people are happy with monogamy. If you are not, try out with similar minded people. There is nothing to discuss on a large scale.

Valuable-Marzipan761 · 2024-02-05T21:46:41+00:00

No one seems wholly content with traditional monogamy

Not true. A huge majority of people are happier knowing their partner is not fucking other people.

wtknight · 2024-02-05T21:08:42+00:00

I think that people only really get offended when polyamorists suggest that society would be better if more people were like them.

Cethlinnstooth · 2024-02-05T21:13:32+00:00

Polyamory has a ridiculous level of difficulty to make work, a level the polyamorists seem to systematically under estimate. Polyamorists are also usually very smug, reckless and dismissive of the concerns of others....and it's all fine and dandy until someone is being chased with a meat cleaver because they weren't careful and thoughtful and humble enough and suddenly the polyamorist wants the rest of us who did assess risk correctly to back them up rather than shrug and say well what do you expect really.

Look I'm not going to attempt to stop polyamorists doing their thing. Just keep it away from me. It's messy and dangerous and I don't want an interface with it.

SeveralSadEvenings · 2024-02-05T22:04:43+00:00

Because the only people I've seen advocate for it are gross weirdos, and the longest I've seen a triad(+) relationship last was 2 years tops.

bottleblank · 2024-02-05T21:15:03+00:00

Because it's not automatically a superior solution.

Greater risk of STDs and single mothers, potential for jealousy, less attention from the person you most want to be with, a hedonistic streak which doesn't necessarily appear to value emotional intimacy or respect social or biological consequences.

Also, much like its Diet variety sibling, "an open relationship", it has the potential to be incredibly one-sided in that the least able of the two partners to achieve being with a variety of partners is getting a raw deal, their partner is out having a load of fun and they're stuck technically being able to do the same thing but, in practice, having no such option, they're only getting a fraction of the benefits of a traditional relationship and nothing else to make up the difference.

You do you, I can't stop you, I don't particularly want to stop you, but I don't have to encourage or endorse what you do and I don't think it's a healthy replacement for the monogamous nuclear (or even extended/tribal) family. It seems like a lot of people who have an entirely different set of opportunities to me saying "hey, why don't we all live in a way which benefits those of us who are the most sexy and able to exploit the benefits of aimless carefree sexual adventure?"

Yeah, no shit I'm not going to be signing up for that, because it's not going to work out for me, why on earth would it? If I were able to be involved (and interested) in that kind of thing then I'd already be out there having casual sex, like they are. But that's not what I want from a relationship and, even if it were, it's not available to me.

LoopyPro · 2024-02-05T21:23:02+00:00

Because a good portion of people who say they're into poly are posers who just want to have their cake and eat it too. I've heard one too many times about people dragging their partner who's too afraid to say no into it, and use it as an excuse for infidelity without risking to lose the benefits of a monogamous relationship.

CauliflowerElegant76 · 2024-02-05T21:32:55+00:00

No one seems wholly content with traditional monogamy

Many of us do. I'm more than happy being only with my partner forever. The grass is greener where you water it.

LethargicBatOnRoof · 2024-02-05T21:15:37+00:00

dysfunctional nuclear family

Que? The nuclear family is one of the most powerful building blocks in the history of human civilization. Those bonds create stability and drive people to be productive, cooperate, and build a better world for the next generation.

Letting weirdos come and go is what is dysfunctional.

StopTheIncels · 2024-02-05T21:48:37+00:00

Because it hasn't been proven to work. Not to get on the confirmation bias train but, Destiny is a clear example of why it doesn't work. I don't know a single person/friend who's in poly situation that is content.

Makuta_Servaela · 2024-02-06T00:12:33+00:00

Because a lot of poly people act so stuck up about it and usually call anyone who doesn’t want to be poly ‘jealous’ or ‘possessive’

mlo9109 · 2024-02-05T20:59:09+00:00

Because of all the freaks clogging up dating apps and wasting my time. Some of us just want one person. You have a person already. Don't be greedy!

Hoopy223 · 2024-02-05T21:33:05+00:00

Because 95% of the time its a bullshit/ugly situation. Extremely rare to see healthy, happy, normal-ish people selling polyamory on Reddit lol.

LadyLazarus2021 · 2024-02-05T21:28:48+00:00

I’m liberal and feminist and couldn’t give a damned about polyamory. You do you.

I won’t though.

yayayubsea · 2024-02-06T00:13:25+00:00

Don't care what you do in your private life, but children should not be raised in that environment.

toasterchild · 2024-02-05T21:34:25+00:00

I don't demonize poly relationships, I just don't want anything to do with them personally. One of my close friends is poly and it's just way too much drama for me. It's hard enough having one partner, I can't deal with multiples and this is from a Bi woman.

It's just a trade off, you trade some of the pitfalls of monogamous relationships for the pitfalls of poly relationships, no relationship is perfect but everyone is more comfortable with one or the other.

Environmental_Day558 · 2024-02-05T21:35:35+00:00

I'll start off by saying you are allowed to be in any familial structure you believe is best for your own life, and no one has a say in that legally.

That said, the nuclear family structure is dominant because its the one that has the best results. Your average polyamorist relationships does not last long making it one of the worst structures to raise a family under. Human emotions such as jealousy are likely to get in the way and you have to get a bunch of people on one page.

I can sort of understand polygamy where you have the man as the head and everyone follows under. I doubt many women who haven't grown up in a ultra religious household would be too happy with that, but I can see it working.

I can also understand just remaining single and spinning as many plates as you want. I don't see the need to bring relationship into that at all, but as I said it's your life.

Now if you have some data to back up how polyamory is a superior structure to monogamous nuclear households I'd love to see it.

historyhill · 2024-02-05T22:22:24+00:00

This is entirely anecdotal and I recognize that but of the few polyamorous couples I know, all of them started monogamous and moves into poly and all of them have failed/left their original spouse. I don't hate it (although such an arrangement is entirely at odds with my religious beliefs) but I would also never recommend it to a couple considering it either.

MikeArrow · 2024-02-05T21:13:23+00:00

I'll be honest, I just find it weird.

Fantastic_Drop_3852 · 2024-02-05T21:09:43+00:00

Sharing partners is something only anxious cowards do and these relationships barely last two years

MistyMaisel · 2024-02-06T02:03:33+00:00

In my experience, and apologies ahead of time, they're really desperate and pushy to try to get you to agree it's just as normal and valid as monogamy. And that's both gigglesome and annoying.

Otherwise, I mean, you do you. But yeah, I can't take it seriously. And when I'm demanded to, I tend to slap back a little.

apresonly · 2024-02-05T20:55:05+00:00

because most people who practice it are immoral about it (and its even more annoying when they claim to practice "ethical non-monogamy")

> No one seems wholly content with traditional monogamy , so shouldn't we let these people experiment on our behalf

lots of people are against human experimentation in other forms as well

if you are treating people well and being transparent, I don't have an issue with it.

Yarmulke2345 · 2024-02-05T22:49:38+00:00

Polyamorous is newspeak for slut.

Yes men too.

jamacianmecrazy67890 · 2024-02-05T23:12:45+00:00

It's not beneficial to society.

Mentathiel · 2024-02-06T00:05:07+00:00

First reason is, polyamory doesn't seem unworkable, but it seems more risky. If you don't want kids, all the power to you, structure your relationships however you want. If you do want kids, however, I think you owe them a certain level of familial stability, so I'll be worried about that. Although with rates of divorce, abuse, and other problems, maybe it can't be much worse, but it just feels like it has the potential to. Like, if you practice full relationship anarchy, are only the biological parents parental figures in the kids life? What about other partners? If they start living with them or playing some sort of parental familial role, what happens if whoever was involved with them decides to break up? Do they still get to see the child or not since they aren't a parent? Should they get some rights if they lived with and bonded with the child? What if you have a bunch of half-siblings and their parents are not all still together? Idk, it just seems to me that one of three or four of five people in this scenario will be in some way unsatisfied and want to break it off than 1/2. It just seems messy.

I'm not necessarily totally against it even with kids, personally I wouldn't do it because I think it'd be irresponsible to future kids, but I think it can theoretically work. But if you don't have the maturity and the sense of responsibility to make it work, but are still doing it, I'm going to judge you as impulsive.

And the second reason is, poly people can sometimes be really insufferable lol. They keep saying monogamous people are miserable, mono people cheat (plenty of poly people cheat too, just sayin 💅), monogamous people are crazy unhealthy jealous and poly people are these compersious saints of sharing and caring, etc. It's a really annoying attitude of having to put monogamous people down all the time. And I understand the impulse, there's a lot of unhealthy things in our culture around dating, relationships, marriage, and jealousy and cheating are definitely some of those things, but I find the high horse a lot of people get on about it is in no way constructive or making anyone more likely to listen to the points being made.

Planthoe30 · 2024-02-06T05:36:11+00:00

I don’t care about people wanting to be poly as long as they aren’t my partner and don’t have kids. Raising a child and exposing them to a bunch of people you are having sexual affairs with is confusing for that child. They could get attached to one partner then never see them again and they could develop an unhealthy attachment style or develop abandonment issues.

Biggesttaestan · 2024-02-06T07:45:12+00:00

"polyamory" is just an excuse to hide the fact that your a pathetic piece of shit 😆, "you can't be satisfied with just one partner" wah wah boo boo just admit that your nothing more than a greedy asshole who only thinks about themselves 🥺.

Lyzard9666 · 2024-02-06T09:44:01+00:00

I personally don't care what people do. The only thing that irks me is when insecure "alphas" (FnF) demand women only be exclusive to them while they can sleep around. It reeks of insecurity and most women would never agree to it anyway.

-Shes-A-Carnival · 2024-02-05T22:07:40+00:00

can you link to anyone hating on polyamory here

FebruaryEightyNine · 2024-02-05T23:40:37+00:00

Looool

OK. As I've mentioned, I've been in the swinging scene before. And there were plenty of "ENM" types fluttering around the scene. However, in general, I had a lot less respect for them than the standard fare swinging/stag-vixen/cuckold couples because those couples seem to have way less complications and were often older, more mature and often had experience being monogamous for a number of years. There were some key problematic issues/red flags I constantly see in polyamory.

With swinging couples it almost always seemed like there was mutual enjoyment. The wife was a slut who liked dick and the partner got off in "sharing" his wife or group sex. With polyamorous couples it seemed way more one sided. When I went to swingers clubs and sex parties the polyamorous couples were often never actually having sex. It was either a dude using his partner to fuck other women that he couldn't score himself or a dude holding onto his partner for dear life. They would come to an event and sit awkwardly barely engaging with anyone else pr just endlessly attending events and not partaking in any of the actual sex. It's not something I take great issue (one should never feel pressure to have sex in a club) but it did make me wonder why on earth they attended in the first place.

My biggest gripe with polyamory is the vast majority of its proponents seem to be people on the younger side (under 40) who were liberal and had little to no experience balancing real world, adult relationships. I do legit believe its possible for couples to fuck other people whilst in a relationship but that only comes after years of monogamy, maturity and experience. There also needs to be "something to lose". Its far harder to create something long lasting with a person you're in an open relationship with that you've only been dating for a year.

grown_folks_talkin · 2024-02-06T01:49:40+00:00

For a lot of people here, being cheated on is the worst thing that can happen in a relationship that doesn’t involve maiming or death. This has to be related.

Honestly, jealousy and possessiveness have never resonated with me. Monogamy only seemed like an implement to save face, that and knowing your kids are yours but I never wanted kids.

Always thought there were worse things that could happen in a relationship too, and unfortunately experienced some of those.

Relative_Bee8356 · 2024-02-06T20:52:08+00:00

Polyamorists tend to be lefties, and the crowd here is conservative.

Terps pretend to be motivated by sexual success, but are actually much more motivated by male validation. A man who achieves the first but not the second needs to be torn down in order to maintain that fiction. So they decide it doesn't count because his partners are fat and fucking other men. Meanwhile he has two girlfriends and regular threesomes and these (often more objectively attractive) nerds are posting on PPD about how "dating is so hard for average guys like me."

They also hate on submissive men and the clients of sex workers. The kinky guy getting assrailed by his fat wife and the rich guy paying for sex with beautiful porn stars are having more fun than them, they know it and they hate it. Those men have decided to pursue pleasure without caring about if other men are impressed by their sexual escapades. They are free in a way a terp can never be.

CraftyCooler · 2024-02-05T21:17:40+00:00

Polyamory is pretty much about guys sending their gfs to hunt online for new girls they can fuck. Why do we consider it gross and pathetic ? Because its gross and pathetic.

Superdunez · 2024-02-05T21:25:30+00:00

Why do you need to feel validation from strangers?

BootyMessiah · 2024-02-05T21:44:40+00:00

Because they typically fizzle out quicker than monogamous relationships, which already don’t have a very high success rate.

The only successful long term polyamorous relationship that I’ve ever seen is Mr. Locario, a dating coach from New York who is a member of the YouTube & social media Manosphere and hosts various podcasts/live call in shows.

He’s been in an open marriage with his wife for 17 years and an open relationship with his girlfriend for 7 years while he sees multiple women per week/month and vets the men they date. It was also him who had to convince them. They didn’t really want to, they just wanted him.

And even he advises most people against it and has rules for how couples should go about it.

Independent-Mail-227 · 2024-02-05T22:08:04+00:00

No one seems wholly content with traditional monogamy

No one will be wholly content with anything, you think that changing partners will make you content I have news to you polyamory is not sucessful for a reason.

shouldn't we let these people experiment on our behalf

We already did it, do you see any polyamorous society today? No, because it's a shitty way to form couples all those societies got curbstomped.

hearyoume14 · 2024-02-06T00:58:33+00:00

Usually those that are the most vocal about it, who aren’t in the educational sphere, are obnoxious self satisfied and holier than thou

As with many things those that have healthy functional relationships are too busy with their relationships to start throwing stones.

The smug couple turned MFF throuple I knew ended up divorced when he decided he preferred the new lady.

tiddermacss · 2024-02-06T03:37:27+00:00

dont hate it.. but it only works out for hot people..

SlowEffective8146 · 2024-02-06T16:47:35+00:00

Because poly people are generally ugly and also act like they're more enlightened than the rest of the world because they forgo normal relationship uncomfortabilities

AnonPinkLady · 2024-02-06T20:05:45+00:00

It's right there in your post. You're arguing that monogamy works for no one and nuclear families are dysfunctional. It doesn't work for some people but for a lot of people monogamy is awesome. I'm extremely happy in my monogamous relationship and it bothers me that people like you can't just leave us the fuck alone. The polyamorous community is extremely aggressive and disrespectful, frequently preaching that it is the only way. It comes off almost cultish. No is a complete sentence. I just want my partner and I to have a deeply intimate closed relationship where we can equally focus all our love, energy, and sexual desire on each other. And we're very happy doing that. Stop trying to shit on monogamy so people will feel pressured to fuck you. It's gross.

Mean_Investigator491 · 2024-02-08T17:01:36+00:00

Pretty sure if you go to a polyamory community you will find a whole bunch of liberal feminists there..

ComfortableJeans · 2024-02-06T00:23:04+00:00

I don't hate them, but I definitely see a pattern in them.

I've never seen a romantic situation like that that ever deviated from this.

An obese, very unattractive woman who would rank at 2-3/10, surrounded by her three 3-4/10 male partners, that quite clearly have some kind of social disorder, such as autism or aspergers

It always feels as though the unattractive woman is thrilled to have X number of boyfriends, as though it must elevate her standing, because if she has a number of partners, then she MUST be desirable And the unattractive, neurodivergent men aren't getting a partner the normal way, so they must share the unattractive woman.

I've never seen it present as something other than a desperate act.

On a personal level, I find it repulsive.

As an observer, I've never found it to be genuine.

kendrac83 · 2024-02-05T23:18:46+00:00

So you think the govt is better off raising the kids that result from polyamory than one mother and father through monogamy? GTFOH

SupposedlySapiens · 2024-02-05T21:45:33+00:00

Bc they’re mad they aren’t getting any and there’s a population of people that not only have one sex partner but gasp multiple.

That’s it. People who aren’t super experienced can’t grasp how nuanced and legitimate these bonds often are and lash out bc they don’t get it and can’t get any themselves.

ANY TIME someone has a lot to say about the bedroom activities of people they themselves aren’t sleeping with there’s some weird projection/repression/hangup thing going on.

Safinated · 2024-02-05T21:07:57+00:00

Because sharing is losing, to most people

And a lot of people can’t find one person, let alone two or more

Emergency_Ad_6954 · 2024-02-05T23:33:18+00:00

The nuclear family is the best thing for society.

jay10033 · 2024-02-05T23:47:06+00:00

offend so many here that some people are consciously rejecting the dysfunctional nuclear family and experimenting with alternative family structures and relationships?

Polyamory is not a family structure. Apples and oranges.

SupposedlySapiens · 2024-02-05T22:58:50+00:00

Because it’s childish hedonism. It’s people wanting to have their cake and eat it too. Not to mention, it almost never works out because humans are naturally jealous creatures.

“No one seems wholly content with traditional monogamy”

Really? Because the vast majority of humans alive today practice monogamy and don’t seem to have a problem with it.

“Dysfunctional nuclear family”

Yeah because adding even more people to the mix is sure to clear up any dysfunction, right?

“The only issue that libfeminists, tradcons and RP beta males are united in”

Well that maybe should tell you something if the coalition is that broad?

midZebra75 · 2024-02-06T02:24:56+00:00

because its disgusting lmao. Just because some people choose to partake in evil doesn’t mean other people have to condone/support it

Dry_Hovercraft_2554 · 2024-03-25T18:50:16+00:00

Because polyamory is fucked up. People here are not masked and will give a damn honest answer which feels like getting slapped in the face. Polyamory is for people who doesn't respect a commitment with single person for People who doesn't know to love. For people who's reality is buried by lust. This is so fucked up and it is making me mad. People who seeks poly are sick. Either they are traumatized from their childhood or people who didn't get enough love from their parents growing up and people with many untreated issues from their childhood. You seek for love from more than one person. It isn't right. They need therapy. When people are suffering you need to help them cure not make a bunch of bullshit excuses and encourage the disease.

LepeZena · 2024-02-06T00:32:50+00:00

Maybe because polyamory is not new it's called an open relationship. Many people have these and no one cares wtf you do with your partner partners except for offspring if you have any. The polyamory family you create give cares that's it. WISHING people would quit making up new vocabulary for their non traditional ways of having sexual relations. So freaking stupid 🙄 nothing new nothing special about polyamory just do it or don't.

Radiant_Specific6542 · 2024-02-06T00:49:21+00:00

It doesn't "offend" people, it's just clowned on. Big difference.

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TheRedPillRipper · 2024-02-05T21:19:19+00:00

it may be a strand that could lead to viable and novel future family structures

It may be. Conversely look at what already is. One only has to look at the richest men in the world. To see what is not only viable, but optimal.

Godspeed and good luck!

thisaccountaintrea1 · 2024-02-05T23:31:11+00:00

Polyamory works for some folks. Definitely not my cup of tea, but no judgement if that’s your thing.

I do think that for a polyamory situation to work, the relationship has to start out that way, with rules and expectations laid out in advance. When a couple that was initially monogamous opens up their relationship later, I’ve noticed that it’s almost always one partner that wanted it way more than the other. That’s a recipe for disaster.

bluestjuice · 2024-02-05T23:35:05+00:00

I’m not convinced the vast majority of people would be content with polyamory either. While I take your point that a great many people do not seem to be very good at monogamy, polyamory is not easier, and many of the traits, behaviors, and characteristics that cause problems in or lead to the end of a monogamous relationship would also cause significant problems in a polyam one.

Realistically, I think the biggest problem with monogamy long-term is probably that it’s badly supported by our neurochemical infrastructure. Most people living well into old age is just an incredibly new phenomenon and we’re limping along on ancient hardware that expected us to mostly die a lot faster.

CryptoThroway8205 · 2024-02-06T02:14:14+00:00

It's legal to be polyamorous. Why does it matter what randos on the internet think?

KayRay1994 · 2024-02-06T03:26:15+00:00

a lot of people struggle at empathizing and seeing how others may see things, plus, social norms and traditions tends to decide a lot of what people believe and they don’t realize it - speaking for myself, i’m monogamous, and I want a partner who is monogamous - but if polyamory works for others, then so be it. I don’t think it’s inherently wrong, though it has to be something everybody involved has to be on board with.

Mr_Chad_Thunderpenis · 2024-02-06T04:01:56+00:00

You have a limited amount of time and physical and mental resources. You can either use all that to build a castle or ten wooden sheds. It's up to the individual. But once a strong enough hurricane arrives, well, we know which one will most likely be left standing.

Left-Yesterday7457 · 2024-02-06T07:04:33+00:00

Polyamory =

Woman openly cucks a man who is the designated security/attention resource with the sexy man who will never take her seriously i.e. commit those things to her.

Polyamory is the compliment to polygyny.

Comfortable-Regret · 2024-02-06T19:35:21+00:00

A lot of people instinctually hate things that are strange and foreign to them. Even if poly people aren't hurting anyone or affecting them in any way, they think, "I would never let my partner do that!" and are disgusted. Look at how many people hate gay and trans people even though they have zero impact on their life.

Though I disagree about nobody being content with monogamy, the majority of people are in monogamous relationships and don't cheat.

arsenalfc4life1500 · 2024-02-07T17:34:16+00:00

Because they try to push for it as if the rest of society wants it

Title	Why does Polyamory get so much hate here?
Author	PiastriPs3
Upvotes	0
Comments	255
Date	February 5, 2024 8:53 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1ajr907/why_does_polyamory_get_so_much_hate_here/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/why-does-polyamory-get-so-much-hate-here.1244670 https://theredarchive.com/post/1244670

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