Men on reddit advising women to talk it out after a male slaps them during sex (without their consent) is this normal?

dinosaurnuggetzzz · 2021-09-13T13:13:59+00:00

Ugh, I think the problem is Reddit is full of men who want to act like you should never break up even if you're being assaulted. Relationship advice had one the other day were the girl knocked her bf's phone outta his hands and he kicked her in the stomach and hit her upset the head. And people were like ohh they're both wrong. Like no, she just got beaten over a phone. Call the cops. Leave. God damn. Terrible advice on that sub

Ironsculpture · 2021-09-13T13:46:57+00:00

I'd lose my shit and fly into a rage if a scrote pulled this on me. It's insane. Males inflicting violence on women are defective in the brain. Crazy bastards who casually commit violent assault like that are meant to be reported to the police and be publicly exposed for what they are before they have the chance to escalate.

Never let filth convince you that their crimes are something that warrant conversation.

thrway01010 · 2021-09-13T13:34:15+00:00

I noticed a new popular excuse whenever a woman asks advice or shares their experience of men doing something violent like that during sex. Now you can trust that a bunch of men will appear to say that they were actually introduced to slapping/choking/spitting by their girlfriends and that they weren't into it before their gfs wanted them to do that stuff (pffft yeah right). So? Like that would make it okay? As if it makes sense to treat women like we're not individuals who have different likes and dislikes.

They must know more or less deep down that all these men slapping and choking women without a warning know exactly what they are doing. They do not ask for consent because women might say no and they want to slap them to get off. Afterwards they can act all surprised that she didn't like it since their previous girls liked it...???? And they can trust that these women will give them the benefit of doubt instead of getting angry. Men like this are not ignorant or misguided or men you should explain to why it's wrong to hurt your sex partner. No need to cOMmUnIcaTe because it's just that simple. They know what they're doing is wrong but they do it anyway.

Big-Respond8481 · 2021-09-13T13:59:18+00:00

Slapping is not something that can be just done randomly during sex without warning/the consent of the other person (and even if it is with consent it is very very questionable, why would people wanna do it in the first place?). There is no talking it out. This man attacked her and is violent.

andwhenwillitbegin · 2021-09-13T13:17:26+00:00

It’s because gonzo porn is the most popular/frequent porn guys have seen growing up. In my day (I’m only in my early 30s) we called “choking” strangling. Because of porn and lib fems, it’s now called choking which downplays the severity of it.

And slapping is also downplayed because it’s in porn and we aren’t allowed to discuss how it’s wrong lest we be called kinkshamers. 🙄Oh the horror! What a world we live in where kinkshaming is called out more than abuse.

The way I always look at it to see if it’s wrong is by asking myself, if this happened on the street i.e. one person to another, with their clothes on, what would I think of it? And most of these “kinks” I would be alarmed by. Slapping someone is not normal. If I saw it on the street I would phone the police. Violent acts are not OK just because we add sex to them.

And this communication nonsense. 🙄Pur-lease. So we aren’t allowed to have healthy conversations about how these kinks might be damaging but we should definitely be discussing how slapping someone during sex is OK? 🤡

lakat17 · 2021-09-13T12:57:07+00:00

This is definitely not normal. This is I think a relatively new phenomena that’s gotten mainstream because of pornography. Now that is widely available , boys and men are using it as their sexual template, and imitating it when they have sex. They don’t ask thier parnter, they just think it’s a normal expectation now to slap or choke them. I had a friend who was making out or having sex, not sure when one who said this dude choked her. I think this was 3-4 years ago.

Men, in order to justify this violence, make it seem like it’s a communication issue, and not an issue of finding violence against women sexy, because of porn. If it happen in any other scenario, “because he was angry/frustrated/ lost control” we would all call this abuse and tell her to leave.

Porn is becoming more violent and degrading. Men are watching this and learning from it. More women are experiencing, aggressive behavior from men because of this. Men are trying to minimize the harm because they want to keep violence against women sexy.

Listen to the FDS podcast with Gail Dines to understand more of this violence.

TieDieEye · 2021-09-13T14:21:49+00:00

No it is not normal. Men on reddit are idiots and probably abusive themselves.

I once asked for advice after being cheated on awhile ago and got the same damn comments from the same brain dead men.

Lumplebee · 2021-09-13T16:27:54+00:00

A guy slapped me without my consent once, we “talked it out”, I believed he was well meaning because he called himself a feminist. Yeah he raped me like a month later. He also ended up slapping me again and fucked up my jaw permanently so my left side clicks whenever I eat.

catlady4u · 2021-09-13T14:00:10+00:00

Oh boy. If a man did that to me during sex I'd give it right back to him with a closed fist, and leave

shelballama · 2021-09-13T12:41:28+00:00

Only fair game if I can kick him in the nuts for my "kink" but he can't get mad and should respectfully talk it out with me, after I just put of the blue assaulted him and caused him harm.

If that sounds ridiculous to you, it's because it is. Assault is assault. The moment a man slaps me, we are done.

And even if you are into that kink (in which case I would recommend asking yourself "since when" and "why, is this because I was trying to impress someone else?") there need to be really firmly, no-grey-area rules so it never happens when it shouldn't and without consent.

HoneyBouquet · 2021-09-13T15:24:17+00:00

These men gaslight women into thinking physical abuse during sex is normal.

We are raising a generation of abusers because of pickmes.

thunderchicken_ · 2021-09-13T12:40:05+00:00

No, this is definitely not normal.

And there is no fucking "talking it out" with a male who randomly slapped a woman during sex without her consent! That's an automatic me grabbing the nearest weapon I can find and smacking guy across the head. Then I'm haul assing out of there before he regains consciousness and calls the police on me. 🤷🏾‍♀️ Done it before, and I'd do it again.

throwaway-fds · 2021-09-13T12:55:25+00:00

Lol scrotes on reddit are the worst for relationship advice. These are just pornsick men who see this as normal/protecting their own kind.

In my pickmeisha using bdsm as trauma cope days, my boyfriend refused to slap me. He said that's too far, he doesn't like hurting me..That's normal. Not creepy scrotes wanting to beat the shit out of their gfs.

WestAtmosphere · 2021-09-13T14:49:54+00:00

I never have been physically assaulted by a man nor have I ever hit a man. It's not normal.

The men who are saying people just need to talk it out are probably the ones who have committed similar acts glorified in the material they fap to. If a guy ever did this to me during sex w/o consent (I wouldn't allow being slapped in face/spit/choked etc. even with consent) I would promptly stop the session and take it as an assault. I didn't sign up to be abused and it'd be a huge red flag because of the assumption he took that you'd be fine with it. Even if a guy asked me if we could do this stuff I'd take as a warning sign that he's definitely consuming violent content.

Last_Nerve42 · 2021-09-13T16:24:59+00:00

No man would ever "talk it out" if another man slapped him in the face, for any reason. No, it's not normal and we shouldn't let it become normal.

Hikari3747 · 2021-09-13T17:02:14+00:00

One time a guy slapped me during sex after 8 months of dating, soI kicked him in the nuts and scream "like that bitch!"

Never saw him again after that. I will no tolerate abuse on any level.

daisies4dayz · 2021-09-13T18:18:48+00:00

People tell women to "talk it out" because there's an expectation that women are supposed to do men's emotional labor for them.

Men and women believe this. They act like men have no ability to understand what is/isn't acceptable without a woman spelling it out for them.

GlitterLoveAngel · 2021-09-13T13:10:25+00:00

If a woman slapped a man during sex without asking, she would be labeled abusive and in need of help. So no, it’s not okay.

Also some mras, alpha men and redditors wouldn’t never think about slapping their mother because of the love they have for her so why would it be okay to hit the person you supposedly love and care for so much? Especially if you plan for her to be the mother of your child. If you really loved her and cared for her well-being, you wouldn’t hurt her period.

ayorules · 2021-09-13T12:42:34+00:00

Reddit outside of FDS is a cesspool of mra and liberal feminism which tolerates and encourages abuse of women under the guise of being "kinky" or "sexually open minded".

Facts: men are killing women through sex and justifying it under kinky sex gone wrong.

Facts: Physical Violence against women (slapping and choking) used to be accepted as sure signs of men abusing women and her friends being worried about him potentially killing her (choking has historically been seen as the number 1 sign of a man will attempt to or be successful in killing his female partner). Now men can openly abuse women and know that less people will be alarmed by it due to the acceptance of sex through BDSM or "kink" or tolerating porn use in men.

It's disgusting the world we live in. I recommend privately messaging these women and not commenting on their post because you will be downvoted and gas lit for not being a sex positive cool girl.

europoor24 · 2021-09-13T13:09:06+00:00

even in my worst pick me days ex's wouldn't do that if i asked. No it's not normal.

ApprehensiveGiftBox · 2021-09-13T16:58:24+00:00

Grab his balls and squeeze like you're trying to make scrote jelly. See how willing he is to cOmMuNiCaTe afterwards.

dkwantsdk · 2021-09-13T15:38:31+00:00

Hell I had a man slap my ass once and I kicked him right out of bed. He had a very shocked pikachu face when I hollered "Ow! Wtf that hurt!!" A slap across the face? I have a hair trigger fight or flight instinct (and zero fawn). So much so that when my kids accidentally hit me in the face or even my toddler purposely does, I have to exert an enormous amount of control over having a visceral physical reaction. I often have to leave the room. I can't imagine what I would do if a man I trusted in a moment of intimacy hit me in any way. It would not be pretty.

alexjames_sc · 2021-09-13T16:32:51+00:00

One time. ONCE. A man slapped me in the face while we were kissing. I swear I saw red and my conscious mind left because I apparently grabbed him by the throat and slammed his head on my table and yelled at him to never touch me again. Oddly enough, he was into that and wanted to be man handled some more so I kicked him out, locked the door and never spoke to him again. I don't advocate for trying this as I was lucky he didn't escalate further, but this was my way of saying hell no. You can maybe get away with slapping my BUTT cheeks, but face cheeks? Game over.

Hikari3747 · 2021-09-13T17:00:04+00:00

Can she talk it out by kicking him in the nuts and saying it turns her on when he in pain?

If the scout scream no! ; then why is it OK to slap a women? Pain is pain regardless what body part received it.

lilac-hiraeth · 2021-09-13T14:37:47+00:00

One of my first sexual partners slapped me in the face while we were having sex. It wasn’t hard enough to really hurt but in that moment I completely dissociated. I don’t remember any of the rest of that night.

Anyway, I got into the kink scene very quickly. I was in the kink scene for a very long long time. I even did in person, close to no limits SW for a number of years but in every single boundaries conversation I had, my near singular rule was that if I get hit in the face, I will get up and walk out with no discussions. I was never hit in the face again. Men are not stupid. They are entitled.

The man that hits my daughter better want to move countries because I will make his life absolute hell. I will bite his ankles long after my daughter will have kicked his ass the the curb.

There’s no talking if you hit me. This one hits back.

mothboon · 2021-09-13T15:43:23+00:00

Not normal.

If this ever happened to me, I'd tell them to get tf out and never talk to them ever again.

Nobody should be hitting anyone WTF.

It's like everything is going backwards and turning into caveman UNGA BUNGA mode again.

s_slayer · 2021-09-13T16:52:51+00:00

Thought the same thing, probably lots of pick mes in that mix of responses. Under no circumstances is a man allowed to hit or slap me, how was he just 'misunderstanding" her when she never asked for that? Sounds like his personal fetish and he chose to indulge it rather than treat her like a human being deserving respect. And the poster talked about how "sincere" his apology was. Good luck lady. We already know she's going to get with him again and he's already got no respect for her, she's in for some serious pain.

BasieSkanks · 2021-09-13T19:08:22+00:00

I saw the post you're talking about. He also choked her without consent. I cannot believe the number of people who were saying she should just talk to him. Not surprised most of them were men as men often see themselves in other men's poor behaviour.

FairSoup9 · 2021-09-13T20:00:21+00:00

This happened to me, and now I have a ruptured eardrum because of it that's been taking nearly a year to heal. I just recently found out that I have to get it surgically repaired and it's just been a nightmare trying to get everything together in order to have this surgery done. The person who did this to me has no remorse. This is the sole reason why I discovered FDS and it's been life changing.

AyemHerself · 2021-09-13T22:35:13+00:00

Why aren't men told to "talk it out" if they want to slap/choke/whatever their girlfriends during sex? Why are they entitled to one free pass at whatever violence they enjoy? This isn't how consent works, you pornsick fucks.

Technusgirl · 2021-09-13T16:19:03+00:00

That would be the end of our relationship if a guy did that to me.

TERFSareawesome · 2021-09-13T13:25:28+00:00

See, as a single woman, this is just what makes me never want to date again. It seems like with the utter depravity of modern men, you're truly taking your life in your hands sleeping with a man. I would be TRAUMATIZED if someone slapped me during sex. Totally traumatized. And I'm sure now you couldnt even call the police or anything because it's been so normalized. It is horrific. What is the point of dating if THIS is what we get? No wonder so many women are just dropping out of the dating system...

IndigoTR · 2021-09-13T14:46:25+00:00

If a woman randomly bit their dick during oral would they suggest their fellow bros “talk it out” with her?? Exactly. They are so full of it.

Newwavesupport3657 · 2021-09-13T22:00:10+00:00

I got my radar the hard way cause my narcissistic father.

I am drawn to guys that at the bare minimum don’t objectify women (the love bombing ones that are desperate for a girlfriend though; my maternal abandonment issues…). I take things very slow. If a man does not have empathy for my feelings, I’m not attracted to him. If he does not demonstrate empathy for my feelings, I cannot connect to him emotionally and therefore can’t feel safe sharing my autonomy, so maybe that’s why. If a man slapped me during something so intimate that would fucking traumatize me. I wonder how many women are so numb and just dead inside that they deny how abusive this is because they can’t sit with the crushing feelings that a man who proclaims to love them degrades them during sex.

I have never had this happen. I feel so sad for women who have had this happen to them. I’m honestly scared to have sex given how common this is.

Honestly every man who does this watches porn and usually is unhappy with his life and likes to dominate women to “feel like a man” and I notice they constantly compensate with sexual jokes. And they’re coercive.

As a class everyone normalizes male depravity, it’s like a cult, man worship is a cult. Women are not question this toxic behavior, none of us are suppose to “make” men “feel bad.” God is the male ego, all men have god complexes, and too many women worship the complex. “Thou shalt not commit blasphemy” is on par with “not all men.”

“Have a conversation about it.”

ExistentialJelly · 2021-09-13T20:23:35+00:00

This is not normal and it is not healthy. It is flat out abuse and people are trying to normalize it and gaslight women in to accepting it.

A deer doesn't try to talk it out with a wolf that took a bite out of its ass. No one should be sitting down for a conversation with their abuser.

Muffcakelord · 2021-09-14T00:48:48+00:00

Abusers protect abusers nothing new here

randomgirlimok · 2021-09-14T04:21:00+00:00

Reddit men have been watching so much violent porn that they think choking and slapping is normal. It’s not.

orchidfever · 2021-09-13T16:59:05+00:00

Fuck no.

akashyaboa · 2021-09-13T17:12:48+00:00

I wonder what would have been Reddit's reaction if the roles were reversed ..

Vivierex · 2021-09-13T20:01:08+00:00

What the hell? Why would anyone slap someone during sex without talking about it BEFORE having sex? I can't with posts and people commenting that women need to accept everything and just talk about it after something terrible happens. Because "he didn't know it's wrong". Use brains ffs ! Men like to say how logical they are but every hour I learn more and more how it's only in their point of view.

Hedy__Lamarr · 2021-09-14T03:20:01+00:00

I've never been slapped by a man. I would leave immediately if a man did that to me.

The man likely planned to do it, chose not to ask permission and clearly gets sexual enjoyment from violence against women. That is a broken and toxic human being who does not love the person being slapped. Why would you continue a relationship with someone like that?

cakewalkofshame · 2021-09-13T19:51:23+00:00

It makes me burn with rage and shame when I think my ex did this and I accepted bc his dick was in me. It was abuse.

Gallaballatime1 · 2021-09-13T20:22:08+00:00

No it’s not normal and I hate it when people try to normalize dangerous behavior and then act like women are not allowed to react normally to those situations.

What’s there to talk about? Ask for consent first. Being slapped during sex and it’s unexpected can be incredibly scary and triggering.

smart-tart23 · 2021-09-14T00:49:30+00:00

No fucking way

bunsmoria · 2021-09-14T01:20:03+00:00

Nope. Not normal. Who the heck does that? Slapping hurts

Junior-Lion7893 · 2021-09-14T10:01:10+00:00

I don’t enjoy getting slapped especially during sex. I’m don’t like it when people spank my ass, during sex or when they do it playfully. I’d be scared to be intimate with that person ever again if they physically hurt me.

Ladies, if he hits you in general, he doesn’t respect you and you need to leave safely. It’s too late to talk it out.

avocadobarbie · 2021-09-13T15:21:48+00:00

This one guy slapped me during sex once without consent…he later assaulted me on a different occasion so I don’t really think having a conversation with him would have mattered… It’s almost like men who do stuff without consent…don’t care about your consent. Crazy stuff.

Edit- also I’m so sick of assault being okay if it’s during sex. Totally not okay to slap your girl (or anyone ) out side of the bedroom but once a man says it’s his kink, it’s no longer assault.

West-Cook · 2021-09-15T15:18:52+00:00

An HVM would never. An LV but generally decent guy would at least ask if slapping is a thing you’re into before doing it in bed. Non consensual slapping is something LV and not so decent guy or NVM waiting to escalate to abuse.

Slapping is super common in porn and I get the impression it’s super common in modern dating as well. I’m on tumblr and come across teenagers joking about slapping and choking all the time and it’s disturbing.

Title	Men on reddit advising women to talk it out after a male slaps them during sex (without their consent) is this normal?
Author	CountingDownTheDays5
Upvotes	1011
Comments	109
Date	September 13, 2021 12:30 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/pnefcc/men_on_reddit_advising_women_to_talk_it_out_after/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/men-on-reddit-advising-women-to-talk-it-out-after.1068946 https://theredarchive.com/post/1068946

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