As a psychologist, I think something we need to do is stop using men’s mental health as an excuse for their asshole/disrespectful behavior

riseaboveagain · 2022-01-30T17:01:33+00:00

Aren’t you willing to bet this man never shows any of this weird compulsive behavior around people who are bigger or stronger than him?

Just like the typical bully who somehow only loses his temper around women, but never men

bamboohobobundles · 2022-01-30T16:28:38+00:00

My ex used to do exactly the same thing and also blame "ADHD".

IndividualRoutine661 · 2022-01-30T16:30:49+00:00

Hope the comments were throw the whole man away rather than cOmmUniCate

eleguagirl · 2022-01-30T16:55:30+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Objective_Ad7771 · 2022-01-30T17:18:37+00:00

As someone diagnosed with ADHD I can confirm that it doesn't make you act like an asshole. That's on you.

fds_throwaway_4_u · 2022-01-30T16:36:23+00:00

I feel like it’s a me issue

Lol no. Women’s self-gaslighting is so sad to see.

ughthanksbutno · 2022-01-30T17:20:18+00:00

i’m a gay woman with ADHD but you won’t see me ever stalking a woman thru a grocery store. men take one diagnoses and run with it. men be like “you can’t blame me for my faults and behaviors i don’t work on bc i have mental issues!! you should feel sorry for me!!” women are only allowed to coddle men and their depravity - if we call them out we aren’t empathetic enough.

FluffandRainclouds · 2022-01-30T18:06:35+00:00

Idk why, but these stories of men using a mental health issue as an excuse (diagnosed or undiagnosed) tend to include ADHD, depression, autism/asperger's, or something else similar.

ADHD can make someone impulsive, but following an attractive woman to that degree? Repeatedly engaging in disrespectful behavior? No excuse. I would bet we have many FDS ladies here who never did this, even if their partners were someone they weren't attracted to.

This is 100% another form of control and retaliation for her "calling out" his previous negging/checking out other women. He amped it up to physically following the women. Pure hypothetical, but escalating it and blaming his diagnosis is a way to make her feel like a mean bitch for attempting to set boundaries, and look like an even more pathetic victim. "You see, you stifled my ADHD tendencies to much, they are manifesting in a worse subconscious effort to acknowledge these attractive women! You just made it worse!" This is subtle abuse designed to make him look like the Victim, and you can tell how beaten down she is by the way she blames herself.

I think society coddles men so much when they claim to have a mild/moderate mental illness or neurodivergence. Many many men with intellectual disabilities and severe mental illnesses have the capability of respecting women in their actions, as I saw when volunteering. So, why are we allowing men with supposedly mild to moderate diagnoses (aka "functional" enough to take care of themselves, have a job, live independently) to get away with everything as if they are three year old children?

eleguagirl · 2022-01-30T16:19:19+00:00

As a psychologist, I have many clients who will say “he will not be affectionate because he has trauma”. Most traumatic events do not result in PTSD. Even when people are diagnosed with PTSD, symptoms of PTSD are treatable. ADHD is also treatable. Also, being an asshole to your partner is not a symptom of ADHD and not a symptom of most mental health disorders. (Personality disorders are way different, and even then, they can still get help.)They might need help coping with the symptoms, but that is still not an excuse to have a man disrespect you.

I had an ex would use every diagnosis in the book to justify his abuse and toxic behavior towards me. When I would bring it up to him, he and his mother would say that as a therapist, it was my job to understand him and his behavior. Not only is that bullshit, as a psychologist I actually can’t treat people I know. So if as a psychologist, I’m no longer justifying their behavior or trying to change it, neither should you. Level up, queen!

sweet_birthday_babyy · 2022-01-30T16:16:07+00:00

Insecurities or instinct?

blessedwiththree · 2022-01-30T17:42:23+00:00

Honey, you need the best kind of D... DIVORCE! He's obviously an emotional abuser and a pervert. This is just the tip of the iceberg if he cannot even control himself in public. Even young single men would be considered creepy for following random women around. Amazing how so many women experience trauma or have mental health issues etc, but they don't use either as an excuse to hurt others. I'm so tired of this shit being acceptable and everyone being too afraid to say anything lest they be told they are insensitive and not politically correct. Bring back shame for these predators!

WorkaholicParty · 2022-01-30T18:40:56+00:00

You know, the biggest realization I had recently was extremely obvious: the patriarchy isn't just a system to actively and forcibly subjugate women. The patriarchy is hell-bent to destroy women's self-esteem, their natural self-respect instinct, their ego, and most importantly gaslight them into doubting their self-preservation instinct. It doesn't matter: whether we're talking about Islamic caliphates, patriarchal ancient roman societies, extreme liberalism women are expressively told they are inferior and that their comfort and self-esteem mean rubbish.

I was just reading articles from the Chinese press, mocking young successful women as "leftovers" while there are 70mil more (desperate and unsuccessful) men than them. They were saying the gov was pressuring them into marrying poor uneducated unemployed men from the rural areas and if they did so, the gov would reward men. Men. Imagine living in a society where females get selectively aborted, girls are treated like crap, you're successful but are insulted as a leftover as if you couldn't find a man, and if they pressure you right it's your stupid man getting money.

The same thing happens everywhere else, we're gaslit from infancy to completely disrespect ourselves for men, let them use and abuse us and just accept it on top of being conditioned to feel worthless and have to continuously worry about our cosmetic appearance. And if you say something it's "oh you're classist", "oh, you don't care about males' mental health", "oh you're insecure and controlling", 'oh, you're denying reality". Nah dog, I'm not letting anyone of you beat my self-esteem to the ground and profit.

spinsterchachkies · 2022-01-30T19:29:34+00:00

“Hi Reddit, my boyfriend stalks women in public. He also carries a backpack full of random stuff like duct tape, a knife, gloves and rope everywhere. He gets defensive when I ask about it. Should I be worried?”

“Aw sorry! But don’t worry he is just struggling with his ADHD. Be patient.”

“Thanks Reddit”

bleda_princezna · 2022-01-30T16:35:17+00:00

God damn, mental health issues don't equal a pass on being a shit person. Funny how that's true only when it comes to women, huh.

This woman needs to drop the guy and find all the last bits of her self esteem that are left and work on it some more, so she doesn't end up with the same type of garbage of a man again. 🤦🏻‍♀️

throwaway-fds · 2022-01-30T18:26:35+00:00

I notice a lot more men using their totally legit ADHD diagnosis as an excuse to be a lazy slob or pervert. I and many other people have ADHD, yet we still manage to not be total bums or sexually harass women. Who woulda thunk?

SupremeDearLeader · 2022-01-30T17:45:44+00:00

My nvx lived off me for years and used to blame his mother [ he's 33] and when that didn't work he'd blame his " disability " [ he's lazy , eats like a toddler and doesn't move off the couch] and when that didn't work he'd blame " falling off his skateboard when he was a kid" . Out to the trash where he belongs , thank you FDS !!!!!

thewetdog_ · 2022-01-30T18:47:53+00:00

In the podcast episode with Lundy Bancroft (my favorite episode ever!) he explains that adscribing men’s abuse of womeb to their psychological issues (like how common it’s become to call every abuser a narcissist) removes accountability from them and from society as a whole that generally produces men that are or can easily turn abusive.

saint-jezebel · 2022-01-30T16:48:44+00:00

I just saw this. He basically got her and she has to slowly dig herself out. He started through a pattern of negging her so now she always doubts herself. Now she’s married to him and his behavior hasn’t changed, if anything, revealed itself more. The fact that he’s following women is disturbing. This man shouldn’t be excused off of adhd and we shouldn’t be led to feel sorry for him either. He’s a creep and he needs to be left asap.

spicyspa · 2022-01-30T20:20:06+00:00

Her husband is an openly crazy stalker.

Rememberthekant · 2022-01-30T21:26:52+00:00

Imagine you’re tired after work and head out to get groceries real quick and a random creep is following you in the isles because you’re attractive… Oh nvm I don’t have to imagine. It happens on the daily. I just assumed the creeps were single 🥴

DaisyDooDrops · 2022-01-30T19:09:50+00:00

As someone with more than one mental illness, I cannot stand when people blame their shitty behavior on it. It’s so upsetting to see not only because it’s just an excuse, but they’re also discounting all the people who have mental illnesses who do NOT do shitty things to their partners because of them. Is it harder to do things with a mental illness? Yes. Do I do stupid and self-destructive things because of it? Yes. Am I hurting and disrespecting others because of it? Absolutely not.

Unfit_Needleworker · 2022-01-30T18:31:49+00:00

Gahh, this makes me so sad. Sad for her and for my former self. The thought that I used to deal with something similar… blows my mind

herbivorouscarnivore · 2022-01-30T19:03:35+00:00

What the actual f-ck?! I’m not a psychologist but I don’t think any of this behavior stems from a diagnosis. He’s a creep who needs his balls shoved down his own throat, just for starters. Wtf. Have some standards, women!

jfk31989 · 2022-01-30T17:29:25+00:00

I’m so tired of men being able to blame their shortcomings on ADHD and their “trauma” in general. As a 30 something year old woman that found out well into adulthood that I had undiagnosed ADHD it’s been a struggle. I’ve basically been masking my entire life so I could function even going as far to dumb myself down so I could be more accepted. Women are expected to keep their stuff under lock and key and to continue to function on what society dictates yet men can literally be adult babies and coddled because of their “mental struggles”.

EDIT: furthermore, if men are assholes, it’s blamed on some past event that they’ve never gotten over or they’re “telling it how it is and he’s a nice guy once you get to know him.” Women on the other hand, are labeled as “bitches” with no wiggle room or grace.

katiekat0214 · 2022-01-30T16:46:39+00:00

Sis, WHY ARE YOU WITH THIS CLOWN CHILD? What possible value could he ever bring to your life?

meninadalua · 2022-01-30T17:34:34+00:00

Honestly, the state of modern psychology is very sad. There is way too much coddling, lack of accountability and self reflection. Too many excuses for bad behaviors that can be easily addressed with CBT and other techniques. There are a lot of self harm behaviors that are excused because of previous trauma which is totally unacceptable. I’ve seen male friends go to therapy just to get a pass from actually working on themselves and becoming better. Then they turn around and use it as an excuse to hurt others, but you’re in the wrong if you point it out. They need to do better!

wonkyeyes8877 · 2022-01-30T19:43:48+00:00

Your post is very timely. I've been thinking a lot about this issue lately. How everything is never his fault because he has self-diagnosed mental health issues. Thank you.

dee_isabird · 2022-01-30T20:03:31+00:00

It’s fascinating how men demand endless empathy for depression/ADHD in all of the reddit posts (even if it’s not diagnosed) I read. However when women have any kind of mental illness it’s “move on she’s not depressed, she’s using you man.”

Platipus6 · 2022-01-30T22:45:44+00:00

Any time a man tries to gotcha - "I just can't control myself, it's my xyz diagnosis"

say "oh, you can't control yourself? You'll never change, and will continue this abuse and disrespect? Get out of my life then".

(They're lying btw, they can control themselves, they're choosing to abuse you, you're the designated punching bag. Dump them).

taele1996 · 2022-01-30T21:07:34+00:00

I had a guy friend who would be such a creep/douche towards other girls. One instance: he called his coworker a bitch during a conversation and he got in major trouble and blamed it on his autism. Many other instances: he would inappropriately touch girls (putting his hand on their thigh, touch their breasts, touch them under their clothes) and when they call him out on being a perv, he’s all “oh sorry. I didn’t mean it. I’m just autistic. I won’t do it again next time” and proceeds to do it again many next times. bruh

blackmetalbetty · 2022-01-30T21:50:34+00:00

Rolled my eyes reading the question/title, alone. I feel bad for the women shopping or minding their business and he's creepily tailing them..

IDontAgreeSorry · 2022-01-30T23:41:12+00:00

The fact that she has a comment saying “he isn’t excusing this by saying he has ADHD, I just did some research and put the twos together” lol. The length women will go to to excuse their shitty partners behaviour instead of just realising he DOESN’T love you and is a bad man.. No, this is not ADHD. He’s just a creep, and doesn’t love nor respect you.

ifhewantedtohewould · 2022-01-31T01:03:55+00:00

He’s a creep. That’s all.

alpinepunch2021 · 2022-01-31T05:25:03+00:00

One of her comments on that thread:
"Really? I wasn't sure. Other posts make it seem normal that "men will look and it doesn't mean anything" I don't really know what's right anymore. I blamed the ADHD for following women like puppies... again made this post because I wasn't sure. The negging definitely broke me."

This is so sad. The whole libfem 'normalize every form of depravity' shtick is responsible for so many women gaslighting themselves into tolerating the most absurd circumstances.

paperwasp3 · 2022-01-31T02:15:29+00:00

It’s hella creepy to follow someone around in a store. Tell your husband to quit it or someone will knee him in the balls!

janeaustenfan99 · 2022-01-31T06:47:40+00:00

Bet he doesn’t act like that at work

intergalacticanon44 · 2022-01-31T14:34:15+00:00

So he’s a creep?

Half_Halt · 2022-01-31T15:55:08+00:00

Interesting. I''m a woman with ADHD. Yet somehow, I can make it through a day without oogling attractive men or blurting out hurtful things to my partner...

Title	As a psychologist, I think something we need to do is stop using men’s mental health as an excuse for their asshole/disrespectful behavior
Author	eleguagirl
Upvotes	1190
Comments	146
Date	January 30, 2022 4:12 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/sgcg8y/as_a_psychologist_i_think_something_we_need_to_do/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/as-a-psychologist-i-think-something-we-need-to-do.1098899 https://theredarchive.com/post/1098899

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