Is obesity a primary factor in dissatisfaction with the “economics” of dating?

ChibsFilipTelfordd · 2022-04-27T17:35:48+00:00

Yes, in the US it is. Maybe UK too, to a slightly lesser extent.

It fluctuates depending on where you are. For example, in the Midwest men outnumber women in some areas, especially in rust belt/agricultural areas where there are more heavy labor jobs. More men + general higher obesity rate = scarcity and normal-weight men adjusting their standards.

New York City is another matter. People are thinner, women especially, the competition is fierce and generally you have a good chance of finding a non-obese person. I live in LA and it's the same here. I don't know. While dating I always kept my weight between 105 and 125 at 5 foot 4 and never had a problem finding normal-weight guys.

But I think generally it evens out where fitter people pair off and fatter people pair off.

smegma_enthusiast · 2022-04-27T18:12:04+00:00

idk the argument "everyone is fat and that's the problem with dating" is a cop out to me.

There are plenty of girls and guys that aren't fat and they meet each other all the time. Most of what I am talking about on PPD does not factor in how overweight someone is and it does not need to for the greater discussion being held.

I personally feel that too many people are overweight and that's unfortunate, but that doesn't seem to me to be the main factor in the "economics" of dating. Especially if equal percentages of men and women are overweight (which for the sake of argument Im willing to believe)

Then again I live in California and I dont know what its like in the South or wherever people are more often overweight live.

Lift_and_Lurk · 2022-04-27T18:03:45+00:00

I think most average men and women end up dating/hooking up/ marrying each other. But occasionally you’ll get one woman (FDS) or one dude (Incel) who consume way too much movies and TV, get sucked into social media algorithms and delude themselves to thinking they are the main character in a movie and they are destined and entitled to the Instagram Model and the fairytale ending.
And then they get all pissed off and bitter when it doesn’t happen.

sabiinvesting · 2022-04-27T17:54:31+00:00

Possibly. Not many people like the appearance of obese or overweight people. It seems that appearance is an important factor in attraction, so if everyone could be a bit more visually attractive, more people could have a higher chance of attracting people.

Rushbyb · 2022-04-27T20:11:25+00:00

I started working out at 14 and in my 20s was extremely fit without a career or decent income. Most women just want to hook up and i honestly felt used. Women wanna fuck jacked guys but look for social status when it comes to dating imo.

ChessClubChick · 2022-04-27T17:15:59+00:00

Definitely. Most people are lazy and gross. The older you get, the worse it gets.

The amount of people who think it’s okay to be fat amazes me. It’s not. It’s repulsive. Sort it out.

BittererWegwerf · 2022-04-27T19:46:40+00:00

I'll tell you once i've lost another 30lbs and see if anything changes

hyperlinktoZelda_v2 · 2022-04-27T17:27:33+00:00

Nah people will always want what they can't have, regardless of waistline.

Also, Erica is a cutie.

drew8311 · 2022-04-27T20:45:37+00:00

At least in the US I think it's a huge factor and much of what we talk about here would be fundamentally changed if obesity/overweight was not a factor. I'd estimate that about half my dating pool is automatically disqualified from any LTR with me because of weight. Eliminating half right away isn't necessary a bad thing, except that tons of other guys are doing the same so you get a double effect of losing half the market plus other other half is suddenly in much higher demand as a result. A single mother has a better chance with me than an overweight person.

parahacker · 2022-04-27T17:52:46+00:00

In my prime, I dated women who looked like many of the photos in your list.

I also dated models, strippers and millionaire heiresses (fit ones).

There was NO improvement in behavior from the less blessed crowd. And ffs, they often had orbiters. The ones that weighed more than I do were still "punching above their weight," not the guys. And no I don't include myself in that. I was fit, had lots going on and am 6 even, but also was high maintenance as fuck and had chronic tardiness problems. I make no excuses for myself and don't consider myself terribly 'high value' but for certain values of the term I was fairly attractive and in high demand. BUT I watched women behave fucking horribly to men that were objectively better relationship material than I was.

It's what got me interested in RP in the first place. Well, that and having had the experience of being a nebbish as younger man. Because men were trying for the - for lack of a better term - fat women, as well as the attractive ones, and women were not reciprocating. But they'd chase guys like me even when it was clear they didn't want a relationship with me. It creates a kind of cognitive dissonance when you try to equate what they do with what they say.

Oh, and I was invisible in my 20's, but 30's and 40's had 20 year olds hitting me up. Which is yet another lie people like to say around here, that that doesn't happen or that it's somehow men being 'predatory'. FFS those 20 year olds wouldn't look when I was their age... and I tried. But when I aged 10 years they'd literally sexually assault me.

Some of it was because I grew into my body in my 30's, but some of it is legit age preference. But sure, 'women don't want older men.'

Anyway. I'm even older than that now, and not on the market. But. As an older man watching from the sidelines, I still see it. I was volunteering at a disability service before Covid, and all of the women there who wanted relationships got them. I'm talking full on mentally disabled, horrifically overweight women. There were even marriages. But the men were almost universally single. The contrast was so stark it was like, how can women ever with a straight face tell us this situation is equal? That it's as bad for them as it is for men? When the objectively bottom of the barrel women can find a man - a committed one! Marry, even! - whenever they choose and men... can't? It's pure fucking luck even when you lower your standards to the bottom?

Nevermind sex, women are the gatekeepers for relationships too. People who say men have some sort of leverage there are fooling themselves. A few men, sure, but as one of the ones women liked to fuck around with I can tell you it's far more fragile a thing even for the 'alpha' guys. There's no real authority there, and forget reliability and stability. All of it exists or not at women's whims. The only real choice men have is to keep participating in a rigged game or check out. Though RP strats do help, and work in a limited fashion, IMO even 'keeping your frame' ultimately only means being stoic when a woman you trust and thought you had a good connection with - a person you invest time, energy and resources into - inevitably cancels you at a whim, because it costs them nothing to do so. They can even benefit from it!

Modern dating is horribly unbalanced for men. Even the 'success stories' if they are paying attention see the cost to the ones worst off, unless they're blinded by survivor bias.

-25T · 2022-04-27T18:21:54+00:00

Not liking morbid obesity seems hard-coded into us, isn't it? If you're a many thousands of years in the past, being extremely fat meant you were not only unable to contribute to your tribe because you lacked the health to do so, you also were taking resources from the contributing members.

Most people are not attracted to obesity or morbid obesity. But in USA more than 1/3 adults are obese. If we include overweight then around 2/3 adults in USA are overweight or obese.

If the majority of people aren't attracted to people who are overweight or obese and most people around you are overweight or obese, then you are going to have a hard time because the competition is for the top third of people.

szclimber · 2022-04-27T17:35:05+00:00

Yes. A fit women will have it very easy. Being fit also helps men but not to the same level. Don't be fat is generally good advice.

platinirisms · 2022-04-27T17:17:22+00:00

Nah, there’s an almost equal number of overweight men and women. If everyone was healthy weight then it wouldn’t change anything.

Dating apps, social media, and the current social climate are much much bigger factors.

Stunning-Potato-1984 · 2022-04-27T19:08:15+00:00

If there's an abundance of male attention are women really overestimating their "SMV"?

Cana05 · 2022-04-27T17:56:56+00:00

This isn't taking into account that if obesity became less of an issue there would still be people considered fat, the number would just shift downward.

It was always wild to talk to my friends who buy clothing from East Asian companies and are somehow XL when they would be considered toothpicks by U.S. standards.

FancyComfortable4678 · 2022-04-27T18:16:32+00:00

A few of these women were actually attractive to me

YoviQ · 2022-04-27T17:24:47+00:00

Why are you guys so worried about weight rather than body type? Obviously not everyone is going to carry weight the same way. Your second link proves that. Heavy is not the same thing as fat.

LowCreddit · 2022-04-27T18:56:21+00:00

Anyone who has lived on or near a military base knows that women's physical expectations only go up in the constant presence of young highly fit men. Women have always been hyper-materialistic but were leashed by the fact that most women could not earn enough to survive alone, let alone with kids.

Sliw · 2022-04-27T19:44:01+00:00

Yes.

neetykeeno · 2022-04-28T00:24:15+00:00

No. People have bred like rabbits in the aftermath of smallpox epidemics which leave everyone looking gross. Obesity is a culturally preferred thing in some places. And most of human existence during which we were evolving involved small communities in which you took what you could get or didn't breed...and outside the tropics having enough energy to survive involved obligatory yearly bulking and cutting with the seasons that you had to be good at in both directions to survive.

It isn't the obesity. Obesity is potentially well within our capacity to take in our stride.

It is all the other entertainment we have available to us. You are a man with options, I am a woman with options and we behave like it. Those options include more ways of entertaining ourselves than anyone has ever had before.

Smitten_Squire · 2022-04-28T18:02:20+00:00

The obesity epidemic has ruined a lot of stuff

mumblebumblegrumble · 2022-04-27T18:47:51+00:00

I wonder how much men that go for significantly younger women makes it harder for men in dating.

Due-Line9762 · 2022-04-27T19:10:42+00:00

I've spent the last several years getting fit. Things I've noticed: I'm still invisible to fit women and the number of fatties interested in me has skyrocketed. I'd rather stay single than date one of these slobs.

Shredddz · 2022-04-27T18:31:27+00:00

no, because despite women being much more overweight on average, its not enough to counteract the simping. Also, where I live, most young people are not overweight. Seeing young overweight people is an exception for me.

SmarmyPapsmears · 2022-04-27T18:53:35+00:00

Yes, because 5'4 170 lb female still wants 7-8 dude, and 5'9 200 lb male still wants 7-8 woman. And they're very vocal about it on the internet

kartu3 · 2022-04-27T19:18:21+00:00

"It’s a common complaint on this sub that women are only interested in the top 20% of men|"

Yes.

Interested as in "bang bang".

Typical young woman has libido of a 50 years old man and is aroused only by people above her league.

Rook_Cross · 2022-04-27T23:33:00+00:00

No. The problem is RP men wanting a hot girl, feeling entitled to it, not getting it and then whining about it like some injustice. Doesn't matter what they look like, or even if they're successful, it's not enough, they feel entitled, they're narcissistic, they overrate themselves (as studies have shown) and react badly when they don't get what they want and start rationalizing and projecting it. They're only truly interested in the hot ones (top percent) but try to rationalize they're lack of success as women only being interested in top 20% etc. I do think men all too often take it as a personal affront when a woman isn't attractive to them, but that's just narcissism, obesity or not. Obesity isn't giving them a scarcity mindset, because in their minds they're entitled to the best, regardless of what they say (ex. "I just want someone with a normal BMI"). This isn't all men, but most all RP men and a few normal men.

heartheartdoki96 · 2022-04-27T17:34:56+00:00

No lol.

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banjocatto · 2022-04-27T20:08:05+00:00

Lol, I asked this question on this sub not to long ago.

So... how many of you are out of shape, overweight or obese?

2022-04-27T23:07:34+00:00

So are you asking if the number of available women that you find attractive would increase, if the obesity epidemic wasn't a thing?

Well, yeah, maybe... Then again if everyone kept themselves in peak health we'd have to stop blaming external factors and realize we're gonna be alone forever because of our garbage personalities XD JK LOL

I do think that body positivity is important for everyone, loving yourself no matter what you're health level and always striving to be healthy. But DANG, I've run across some folks who have made a "movement" out of glorifying being morbidly obese and thats dangerous AF.
Other than that, IDGAF what people look like and weight doesn't factor into my interest in people. I just personally think its kinda shallow, but hey, everyone has their things.

neolib-cowboy · 2022-04-28T00:17:27+00:00

Yes. Esp when youre younger. Most obese people are older since they have working office jobs for years. At my college Id say only 1/50 people is clearly obese. So to be an obese college student is pretty bad.

Edit: Seems like the accurate statistic is 5% of US college students are obese compared to 33% of the adult population.

2022-04-28T02:03:06+00:00

I feel like this just evens out, since I’m assuming there’s an even number of obese men and women.

Selkie-Princess · 2022-04-28T02:04:45+00:00

First of all…Jesus absolute Christ either those women are lying about their weight or they all carry it terribly or have almost NO muscle in their body composition. I’m 5’3” and although I’ve since lost weight I have pictures from when I was 165lbs and I looked NOTHING close to that fat and sloppy! I was a size s/m shirt for gods sake! Granted I carry a lot of my weight in my thighs/butt but HOLY HELL the disparity cannot be that big, can it?! I feel like several of those women are well over 200lbs.

g0juice · 2022-04-28T02:04:52+00:00

💯 these women are single for a reason. You get dudes going wild over average at best girls so then they think they are hotter but if they were they would been scooped up much faster

Goth_Lizard · 2022-04-28T02:08:11+00:00

I’ve been mildly overweight and also underweight. Went through a nasty eating disorder after this year. I’m now a normal weight and have fat on me but relatively fit.

As overweight I was extremely satisfied with my dating life.

At thin I was also dissatisfied because I was getting a lot more attention but it was purely sexual.

Now I’m not looking to date.

Freevoulous · 2022-04-28T12:36:37+00:00

Yes, by far and extremely so.

Women's desires are pretty reasonable, most women (75% to be exact) prefer a lean and lightly muscular men with low, but not too low, body fat.

Which is how a human male IS SUPPOSED TO LOOK LIKE. THis is our biologically evolved natural form, and one that is optimal for health.

IMHO: if you are a guy and your Body Fat is more than 12% you loose all rights to complain about dating until you fixed it.

youdontevengoh3r3 · 2022-04-28T19:27:29+00:00

The average man in the US is 5 foot 9, 200 lbs with a 40 inch waist. 85% of men will bald by age 50. Why can't these people date each other? When I gained weight over the pandemic (I'm 5'4) I was 185 with a 30" waist, 38" hips and 34ddd boobs. Women can hold weight wayyyyyyy better than men to be fair.

localmicrodosechamp · 2022-04-29T23:04:42+00:00

It’s gross that you’re not into them but you wouldn’t just leave them alone. You just say you wouldn’t approach them first. No one deserves that.

WarezMyDinrBitc · 2022-04-30T02:36:07+00:00

Yeah, because obese women still maintain a ridiculous amount of entitlement that no obese man would even dream of.

Fine_Measurement7968 · 2022-04-30T14:30:07+00:00

From a guy that often changes location in the app this is what I noticed. In New England area . 60% of the profile I saw were quite overweight. From the region of West Virginia to Florida, it was mostly way too many skinny gals…lots of confederate flags.

New York had a good ratio I’ll give you that. In Washington state to Montana region saw lots of Asians and Cheyenne . Need to try Cali now.

Dramatic-Emu-1196 · 2022-05-09T20:14:52+00:00

it would make things, so, so much easier. As a fit man, I almost never see a girl who is on my level of fitness, it sucks

Rushbyb · 2022-04-27T21:51:06+00:00

If you are a male that can't bench 300 lbs you are still a boy.imo

Title	Is obesity a primary factor in dissatisfaction with the “economics” of dating?
Author	FancyComfortable4678
Upvotes	132
Comments	285
Date	April 27, 2022 5:09 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/ud8k6n/is_obesity_a_primary_factor_in_dissatisfaction/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/is-obesity-a-primary-factor-in-dissatisfaction.1113186 https://theredarchive.com/post/1113186

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