Women Aren't Lying, They are just being Polite

ChadChasingB · 2023-02-10T21:46:39+00:00

I am always upfront when rejecting someone. I'm flattered by your interest, but I don't feel the same.

Affinity4186 · 2023-02-11T00:42:58+00:00

In the case of a man approaching a woman and her rejecting him, I'd agree with you.

But when you say that looks is by far the most important aspect of attraction they will all come out of the woodwork and try to shoot you down with anecdotes when a simple Tinder or Omegle experiment proves them wrong.

ConsultJimMoriarty · 2023-02-11T02:10:14+00:00

Everyone wants to know why you rejected them until you tell them.

Urbantexasguy · 2023-02-10T21:57:21+00:00

I find that you're better off asking women what kind of men they HAVE dated, in a historical sense, rather than asking them what kind of men they would LIKE to date, or what kind of men they think they would be attracted to NOW.

For instance, in post after post, LOTS of women on this sub freely say they have dated men a lot shorter than the "Tall Chads Only" mentality prevalent on this sub. But if you asked the women what height they would PREFER, they would probably give a taller answer.

Any question which states or implies "All other factors being equal.....", is a worthless question, when it comes to dating.....because all other factors are NEVER equal.

ta06012022 · 2023-02-11T05:51:25+00:00

Women Aren't Lying, They are just being Polite

Well yeah. This is obvious to anyone who's not autistic.

People say a lot of polite stuff because it's what you're supposed to say. If a coworker comes to me and says he has pancreatic cancer, I'm going to say something like "you're going to beat this, man". It's pancreatic cancer, so I don't really believe it, but that's what I'm supposed to say. It's polite. Saying "well i guess you're fucked" isn't polite. Yes it's a form of lying, but it's also the socially acceptable response.

It seems like a lot of people here seem to struggle with this concept.

RocinanteCoffee · 2023-02-10T21:29:39+00:00

Sometimes romantic and/or sexual desire isn't quantifiable. Usually you know why you didn't click with someone but not always.

Chemistry is ineffable. It's not always going to be some item on a checklist they didn't "mark off".

You can do everything right and still not be compatible.

I won't go on a date with someone I don't find attractive but it doesn't mean they are objectively ugly. No such thing. It just means I'm not into them.

"I don't feel that way about you" is still honest. If they press beyond that they're not respecting their 'no'. They are thinking if they did something 'differently' the answer would have been different. And if it's not behavior related then that's simply not the case.

Nobody should date someone they are not attracted to just to get a date, or out of some patronizing, unhealthy idea of 'charity'. They should leave that person free to find someone who DOES genuinely want them, and also leave themselves free to do the same.

Capeninja · 2023-02-11T01:10:03+00:00

The TikTok/Smash or Pass generation may be more upfront about their physical dealbreakers, but gaslights about preferred male behaviors just the same.

richard_golbes · 2023-02-10T21:22:29+00:00

Part of it is being polite.

Part of it is the fact that attractiveness is both relative and subjective.

There's a thing men do online where they read a woman saying that her bf/husband is "handsome [to me]" and they interpret this as some sort of admission that women only date Chris Hemsworth.

It displays a complete disconnect with reality and the way in which the things that people hold dear are genuinely perceived as special.

Opening_Pattern_301 · 2023-02-10T21:28:22+00:00

So in other words they are lying but not with malicious intent, thats understadable, i agree, but it is still lying so it is understandable why many guys end up confused too, still i dont see why here in these spaces where nothing is being risked a lot of people still try to deny the stuff women are just being polite about in real life.

GooseneckRoad · 2023-02-10T21:08:10+00:00

Agree for irl, but I just want to say that women on this particular sub are usually trying to be brutally honest and not sugarcoat things.

stepbrostoppls · 2023-02-11T01:32:29+00:00

They're not being polite, they're avoiding conflict. Which is reasonable being the physically weaker sex, but it's definitely not from altruistic intentions, it's self preservation. Even getting an outright rejection is a pleasant surprise, as the majority just fade out or give an excuse that they're busy. As a man, I find it disrespectful as I know it's usually BS and don't want to waste time, but I don't knock women too hard for doing it because I completely understand it's for safety, but it certainly is a selfish move.

Goyeyo565 · 2023-02-11T04:05:06+00:00

Nah, women spent the majority of the 2010's convincing men that dating was all about personality and that looks weren't that important as long as the guy was nice and respectful enough. Well surprise, surprise, a lot of the guys that followed that line of thinking are now sexless and single.

roger61962 · 2023-02-11T08:09:10+00:00

Men are dumb. If they'd check the signals before approaching this discussion would not be necessary

Mrbig_1210 · 2023-02-10T21:13:41+00:00

It’s funny. You’re taught honesty is the best best policy, until you’re in an uncomfortable situation then it isn’t

Financial_Leave4411 · 2023-02-10T21:28:12+00:00

I think for the most part you are right. The only thing I would add is women don’t tell men everything they are looking for in a relationship/why they aren’t interested in that particular man because most men would then lie and manipulate that women to get sex and run. If men don’t use that information to trick women into sex, men will then see the information regarding rejection as a form of opening for a debate where men think they can argue with a women to get into her bed.

Birb-brained · 2023-02-10T21:17:36+00:00

Women are indirect, men are direct. This why men regularly state they don’t like fat, sluts, and transgenders.

If women were honest it would go against everything they spout in the media and irl about body positivity, mental and physical disability, ethnicity, and race.

MouthSandTeethTongue · 2023-02-10T21:06:59+00:00

So? I mean, there's nothing wrong with being courteous but a lot of women are uncomfortable with being perceived as shallow and perform olympic level mental gymnastics to convince themselves and others that they're not shallow (to some degree), when there's nothing strange about that to begin with.

sunniyam · 2023-02-11T02:21:48+00:00

Just shitting on women on here all the time. No introspection at ALL. 🙄

Moon-on-my-mind · 2023-02-11T04:00:26+00:00

Some opinions here are wild. Not much sunlight sees the majority.

Honestly now, what good can it possibly bring a person if you outright tell them what makes them unattractive to YOU, what gives you the ick and so on. Just why? So i can hurt them, maybe most likely make them feel self-conscious in the future for traits that for me are not clicking but for another woman they might be amazing?

I don't want to make anyone sad, self-conscious, insecure etc about themselves. What good would i have brought to one guy i rejected that i just didn't like his humor, mindset, lips and future job? Nothing. Probably would have hurt him. He went on to have a happy successful life.

What good would i have done to the next guy that was ok to be with, but sex just didn't click at all between us? If i would have told him that his penis was too small for me to enjoy (way below average) or that the fact that he lasted 4 pumps also did nothing for me, he would have felt really bad, insecure, self-conscious, just unnecessary damage from my part and my perspective. He kept his confidence, and went on to date a wonderful girl with whom years later i heard they got married.

Another guy was fun, a gamer like me, we always had a good laugh, sex was great...but again, i couldn't accept his career choice, and that again is my preference, there was no need for me to tell him that specific reason. For what good? Just what good would it bring? Planting seeds of doubt and regret? No, go have a successful life on you path, i do not want to potentially negatively impact your path in any way.

I don't know, it's the way I've always seen it. Maybe it's the way we are brought up as women, conditioned to be very polite and careful with people. Maybe it's also the fear that comes with being UNNECESSARILY brutally honest with a guy because we are afraid for our safety.

Or maybe I'm putting myself in other's shoes...i myself most definitely never wanted to know why a guy rejected my advances or he decided to not date anymore. I do not need to know that they didn't like certain body parts of mine, my mentality, my lifestyle, etc. We don't click? Ok, no worries, lets part ways in a polite manner. I never cared to change anything about me to falsely trick a guy to like me.

Or maybe this is a generational difference. I'm mid 30s, exited the dating scene 14y ago. I simply do not understand why so many complaints about us not being brutally honest. You can't take it...you may think you can, you may end up getting your answers, but you are not ready for that unnecessary hurt. In any case, there's that saying, be careful what you wish for.

Subject-Ad-9613 · 2023-02-11T09:36:08+00:00

a woman being polite is a lie. its manipulative. its not about not offending people, its about upholding and image of innocence to not have men loose the willingness to simp because that's dependent on image.

If women were honest, nobody would help them or bail them out if their own shit. thats why they lie.

SlyStocks · 2023-02-10T23:19:34+00:00

I strongly disagree. A good portion of women are lying to themselves. They do not want to perceive themselves as shallow. They‘d feel bad about themselves. I‘ve had many women who really liked me in a non-sexual way reject me and they always pretended to themselves that it had nothing to do with looks, when it clearly had. It is not about being nice to men. It‘s about feeling like a deep and non-superficial person.

neetykeeno · 2023-02-10T23:20:41+00:00

I too think women aren't lying. I think it is about more than just trying to be polite.

There's a fundamental disconnect between what some men think they are entitled to in the way of answers and what most women feel obliged to provide in the way of answers.

Men...as they set eyes on a woman they want some of those men tend to expect her to give the sort of care, help, concern in dealing.with them that a woman they have an actual positive and long standing relationship (sexual, platonic, family or friendship) of some degree of intimacy and trust might give.

So they approach this woman and get rejected...she probably gives an answer that is not untrue and resolves the situation of the approach. Not feeling it. No. I'm not available.Not into it. Don't want to go to the movies with you. Etc. But he's expecting a detailed helpful answer...like as if he was her boyfriend and he asked her why he isn't getting promoted at work. Because he's doing this thing some guys do...of expecting boyfriend level service to their feelings...of expecting boyfriend level emotional labour ... when they aren't the goddamn boyfriend and never bloody well will be.

They're very similar to girls who just expect random males to do for them things those guys don't do for random other men like go out their way to help them move heavy furniture or give them lifts places.

It's poor boundary control on the part of those guys...not knowing where the proper boundary between them and another persons privacy and emotional labour is. If one or more of those guys are reading this...you need to stop expecting dating assistance from women who reject you. Her reasons might be very personal and you aren't owed the right to have her share that with you. You might remind her of the guy who stalked her in college. You might be the wrong religion and she just doesn't discuss her religion with randoms because it's a bit odd and not everyone reacts well. She might be lesbian but hasn't come out. No matter how much you feel you are owed this information in order to help you mate search in future...you are not owed this information.

NakedStreets · 2023-02-10T21:29:27+00:00

It’s not just politeness, it’s privacy.

No one else is entitled to know what I do and don’t find sexually attractive. That’s private information I can choose to share under the appropriate circumstances.

When my coworker asks “How are you?” I don’t tell him the details of my period cramps. Not all information is for everyone. It’s not just politeness, but boundaries.

Ok_Entrepreneur2931 · 2023-02-10T21:28:15+00:00

Why would they feel the need to be "polite" discussing these topics in abstract online with strangers?

Sure, it might be impolite to tell a guy who asks you out that he's ugly, but that's not they're doing. They're lying and virtue signaling on a massive scale on forums such as this.

MarBitt · 2023-02-10T21:51:58+00:00

Women Aren't Lying, They are just being Polite

When they lie, they lie. If they're just being polite, they're just being polite. Regardless of why they do it, a lie is still a lie and politeness is politeness. It is not interchangeable.

LadyofTheGreyPath · 2023-02-10T22:08:36+00:00

I used to sugarcoat things to just be polite but sometimes being polite doesn't help, so cordial but blunt or aggressive honesty is my new policy.

pridejoker · 2023-02-10T22:11:44+00:00

I'd even go a step further to say that most women's default rejections aren't even the "I'd rather chew glass" kinds of rejection. Sometimes the no is just "not under these conditions" whether said conditions are due to your situation or hers is a separate matter.

Nihi1986 · 2023-02-11T03:06:01+00:00

I agree with you...when asked, the majority of women I've met were always sincere, it's just that they usually try to be polite and we delude ourselves too.

redditheadedstepdad · 2023-02-11T03:17:10+00:00

Lol. Nope. Not even close.

ShoCkEpic · 2023-02-11T03:53:17+00:00

« your face doesn’t make me want it »

Green-Quantity1032 · 2023-02-10T23:40:26+00:00

Why would they say they don't care much about looks online though?

I think that's the main complaint, not real life rejections..

I think most incels on here don't get rejected that much, they got rejected 2-3 times at age 15,

they had one more try at age 19 and concluded no one wants them.

Fiji41883 · 2023-02-11T00:26:17+00:00

“Women Aren't Lying, They are just being Polite”

You’re giving women WAYYYYYY too much credit. Women don’t give a FUCK about a man’s feelings unless he’s attractive, so that fucks the overwhelmingly large majority of men out of their basic sense of empathy.

They lie to protect themselves, not to protect your feelings. They don’t want your fugly ass “getting all weird” because of the rejection.

If you don’t believe me, imagine the female friend you’ve known for the longest time and are the closest to. Now imagine you said some shit that could potentially be viewed as anti-whatever, like abortion.

She would fucking SHRED you in public and never speak to you again and not lose a wink of sleep over it.

They’re only polite to handsome motherfuckers. And if you were handsome, you wouldn’t be reading this right now.

Fun_Push7168 · 2023-02-10T22:53:56+00:00

Nah, it's straight up virtue signalling. 80+ percent of content here from women even at their most impolite is an attempt to project moral superiority.

dumbbitchcas · 2023-02-10T23:44:32+00:00

Women are gentle when they reject men bc they kill us when we hurt their feelings

KaiserTom · 2023-02-11T00:01:28+00:00

This is literally being afraid to tell the truth. They do not tell the truth because of a fear of not looking polite. A fear of judgement by the people around them. They have a distrust or cause a distrust towards the people they are speaking to. An assumption and stereotype of a response.

And all it does is cause problems when the truth is revealed to people in spite of the lies. It just hurts people. Lies hurt, even when being polite. They just hurt later. Because you didn't trust them to take the truth. It's disrespectful to people.

And saying the brutal truth is different than saying the truth with tact. You can be honest and clear without being shitty and toxic about it. This is not a dichotomy.

SoldierExcelsior · 2023-02-10T23:18:41+00:00

Women have admitted to enjoying rejecting men most men don't have a problem with bring rejected they have a problem with the logic behind it...Women wil reject men for ridiculous things while fvking a dude with felonies andv3 baby mommas...

At this point men need to be thankful for the rejection the woman knows she's not on your level and can't live up to your expectations..

I've been rejected by homeless chick's fat chick's old chick's broke chick's not that I was serious a out the fat old ones or single moms

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Plopolok · 2023-02-11T00:34:20+00:00

It's more than politeness, there's a strong part of either gaslighting or lack of self-awareness (i.e. gaslighting with preliminary step). For example, if you ask women about preselection, they'll downplay it a lot compared to how they behave for real.

And more generally, women don't want to "give the answers to the test": their whole communication about their sexual behavior is much more secretive and often even misleading than men's. If a man want you to tickle their nipple in a clockwise motion, he'll say it. A woman will only give vague hints, some will even say that they want a counter-clockwise motion but dump anyone who doesn't do it clockwise.

ComfortableOk5003 · 2023-02-10T21:50:17+00:00

What I dislike is They “try to be polite” but are super covert…and for some reason…they mainly have only “try to be polite” to extreme opposite where they are bitches lol

MrsKetchup · 2023-02-10T21:24:38+00:00

It's called a white lie, people do it in every aspect of life. Would you rather tell your boss "you look fat in that suit" or "I don't think that suit matches your outfit"

Honest? No, but avoids negative outcomes which is what most people desire in day to day life

James_Cruse · 2023-02-11T05:40:42+00:00

Yes, women are lying for selfish reasons that you literally revealed in this post - women lie out of fear, the fear of enduring a potentially (not always) negative reaction from men they reject or the fear of being rejected themselves as women - if the man wasn’t really that interested in them.

Why? Because men are physically stronger than women and could potentially harm them physically and on a biological level AND women are deeply negatively affected they are rejected, in the case that man wasn’t really that interested in the first place.

No-Rough-7390 · 2023-02-11T13:44:52+00:00

Women and men communicate differently. Shocker.

It’s not polite. They don’t want to risk being ousted from the social group (evolved survival strategy) so it’s easier to tell Becky she looks great in the dress rather than she need to drop 50 lbs.

Conscious_Ad_6572 · 2023-02-10T21:48:35+00:00

Not true, woman say a lot of crap to be agreeable and string guys along to be nice,

lolthankstinder · 2023-02-10T22:37:54+00:00

A polite rejection is often inherently a dishonest one because it would be rude to reject someone by telling them they’re ugly or too short or whatever.

However, I don’t think that’s quite what you mean by “the truth”. A logically truthful rejection from a woman relevant to the context of modern dating problems would be:

“I could date and/or have sex with you but I have so many perceived options that I have (sub)consciously increased my standards to the point that I also experience dating issues. And if you try to complain about our relative difference in dating privilege, I will dodge duck dip dive and dodge away from that to make absolutely certain you’re aware of all the issues I also encounter from the 7% of men I swipe right on literally and metaphorically.”

Preme2 · 2023-02-10T21:32:11+00:00

Women don’t think it’s shallow to only want to date men they find attractive

Well, what do women find attractive? I’m willing to bet younger women are focused on very physical characteristics while older women are focused on personality. Older women want those physical characteristics too but there simply isn’t enough of them. They want a Mercedes with a Kia budget.

I think it’s easy to be shallow when you’re only dating (fucking) someone once or twice a week. Far different than a marriage when you have to wake up next to each other every single day while raising two kids. It’s interesting how being attractive and unattractive comes down to a few inches. Just missed the 6’2 threshold…

DryOutcome3407 · 2023-02-11T01:45:01+00:00

Cute, still a lie.

whitehack · 2023-02-11T07:11:03+00:00

I find that title really unhelpful overall.

Can you not be polite and blunt at the same time?... Ohhhh YES OK. I just realised... that's unbelievably... SUBJECTIVE!!! lol

But seriously, if a guy can't "handle" the truth, then he's in essence being averse to feedback which, mind you, you simply WON'T get ANY of if ALSO at the same time want your "feelings" to be saved in the short term.

I've often assumed that MOST guys really would prefer to just be told the most accurate truth. Maybe I'm assuming too much? I was giving guys the benefit of the doubt. But clearly that's more than is warranted in many areas...

itsmzbritt · 2023-02-11T09:32:02+00:00

I just say I’m not interested.

Individual_Fudge6266 · 2023-02-11T11:34:33+00:00

Politeness=little white lies lol

lilaltdoll · 2023-02-11T19:18:42+00:00

Exactly. This

PrettyBeautiful7030 · 2023-02-11T19:29:34+00:00

Women don't think it's shallow to only want to date men they find attractive. No women are embarrassed by this. Rather they are simply trying to be courteous

Well, it's also that we could fall for whomever if we like their personality . I can't remember falling for any good looking man. Objectively, most men I've fallen for were average. I clearly remember my friend telling me that I was way of my first boy friend league, she said I was way too good looking for him. I never cared..

Away_Entrance1185 · 2023-02-11T19:46:32+00:00

That is lying, the idea of the Bluepill Vs. Redpill is literally that all men are being lied to, this is 100% true. This is why it's important for the truth to become mainstream so ugly men can cope doing something else, this is also why I never understood the female hatred of male virgins, wouldn't you want these men to stop bothering you and never approach you? Because if the virginpilled ideas spread most men will give up on dating and never approach women again and only the men women want will still be dating, this seems like a win-win for women, but because women lie they end up being approached by men they feel disgusted by.

newzalrt883 · 2023-02-12T04:16:31+00:00

No, there is a reason why women want to pretend to not be superficial that is not just because they are "polite." It's because they fear at some point they will have to settle so they want to pretend that's what they always wanted anyways. Because if chasing chads for 7 years is their 20s doesn't work out they want to put glasses on, get back on online dating and say "no I've always like nerds" I mean genuinely how many women in their 40s do you think are like "i'll only date 6ft 3 guys with perfect hair and 6 packs." It sounds insane because women in their 40s literally dont have that option, but women in their early 20s do. So women in their 40s pretend they dont actually want that and that they "never" wanted that. And it's easier to pretend when youve see the writing on the wall earlier in life and start telling yourself and those around you.

Some-Web-1213 · 2023-02-12T04:51:32+00:00

If you are the kind of outlier who absolutely needs women to "TELL THE TRUTH!1!" you are absolutely not the kind of guy who I will be providing a free self-reflecting session for. Meditate or look in the mirror, I heard shrooms will grant an eye-opening knowledge about yourself, IDK.

reignoferror00 · 2023-02-12T14:50:14+00:00

Being courteous is just simply stating they are not interested.

Making up some bullshit reason is neither courteous nor polite.

justforlulz12345 · 2023-02-12T20:43:00+00:00

Not wanting to be seen as rude is done out of fear as being seen as a shallow/bad person.

xxWhiteHorse · 2023-02-12T21:36:26+00:00

Women tend to reject men indirectly instead of directly. You'll rarely hear a woman say "I'm not interested in you" or "I'm not sexually attracted to you". Instead, most women will give off signs and hints through their words and actions.

The most common sign is being "too busy" to meet up which in most cases, the woman is indirectly saying "I don't find you interesting enough to make time to be with you." Another common sign is "I'm not looking for a relationship right now" which is oftentimes translation for "I don't find you attractive and don't want to date you."

Other indirect signs include ghosting you, leaving you on read, taking 24+ hours to respond back, showing up to "dates" looking like a slob, and openly talking about other guys they're dating/fucking around you.

2023-02-13T06:39:13+00:00

I saw on Tiktok that women actually feel angry when less attractive men try to ask them out cause they feel a level of hate for that man for even thinking he had a chance. For even thinking they could be on the same level.

Reasonable_Volume_96 · 2023-02-13T21:44:43+00:00

They also do it in case the person they reject would retaliate with physical violence. Someone who already had the proclivity to probably doesn't want to be told she finds their sense of humor distasteful and unattractive - and probably also would react badly to being told directly it's because she finds him ugly.

odd_cloud · 2023-02-14T23:57:40+00:00

Well, I think everything is more simple than that. If you ask a person a question, which this person has never thought about, you'll get the most stereotypic answer. Common wisdom is men like looks, women like personality. Many people have never thought about what really attracts men or women, so they are going to parrot that stereotype.

Vulture051 · 2023-02-15T04:36:11+00:00

White lies are still lies.

Title	Women Aren't Lying, They are just being Polite
Author	middleoftheroad133
Upvotes	141
Comments	229
Date	February 10, 2023 9:00 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/10z2xc2/women_arent_lying_they_are_just_being_polite/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/women-arent-lying-they-are-just-being-polite.1151192 https://theredarchive.com/post/1151192

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