How would you feel if a guy didn't take you on the same quality of dates as previous suitors?

Miserable_Yam4778 · 2023-05-15T23:47:08+00:00

I don't trust a man who tries to take you somewhere expensive on the first date. Too much pressure, probably overcompensating, likely to be the type who demands submission because he sees himself as a "provider."

A coffee date, a picnic, or a drink is much more reasonable.

ashpr0ulx · 2023-05-15T23:20:48+00:00

i don’t give a flying fuck

picnics are nice

saraimarsena · 2023-05-15T23:28:29+00:00

i don’t know why he would even tell me this information

i suppose Id be curious as to his reasons why … does he think I’m less than? if so, probably not a good fit. did he have a bad experience? i’m much more understanding of that

at the end of the day, I don’t feel automatically entitled to each exact point of treatment that he showed his exes. if it becomes a matter of compatibility on certain preferences, that’s another matter. but personally i don’t require extravagant first dates anyway.

LiftSushiDallas · 2023-05-15T23:24:39+00:00

I only care about what I like, not a comparison of what I like vs things I don't like.

People learn from past relationships. If a guy I dated took his exes on lots of expensive dates and trips and he wasn't appreciated, he will be hesitant to do that again and I'd certainly find that understandable.

It comes down to our compatibility. I don't like traveling, for example, so a man who took his exes on fancy trips means nothing to me as I don't covet those. I like dining out, however, so a man who didn't want to take me out for dinners would be nexted REGARDLESS of whether he did that for exes or not, simply because he is not giving me what I want and there is no purpose for me to keep seeing him.

eefr · 2023-05-15T23:24:10+00:00

How would I know what dates he's taken other people on?

But let's say I did. I would think a picnic in the park in the sunshine sounds pleasant and would be a nice opportunity to get to know someone.

Expensive isn't always better. Putting together a nice picnic takes effort and thought and is very sweet.

Pixiwish · 2023-05-15T23:33:16+00:00

I actually think picnics are great first dates if the weather is nice. And for me that means hot. I get cold too easy to be outside for long periods of time at 60 or below.

Edit: money for dates doesn’t matter. My dream date is he invites me to his place and says wear PJs. I walk in and there are blankets everywhere and the date is we make a blanket fort he makes dinner and we watch movies

Makuta_Servaela · 2023-05-16T00:16:09+00:00

Are you implying that a picnic in the park isn't amazing? Dates don't have qualities as much as they just have themes. There is rich and fancy theme, there is gentle and pleasant theme, there is fun activity theme, etc.

Ainsleygz · 2023-05-15T23:54:48+00:00

Cute. I’ll bring the wine

Novadina · 2023-05-16T00:15:12+00:00

If he’s taking me on dates I like, then I like them, and if he’s taking me on dates I don’t like, then I wouldn’t like it. I don’t really care what his last girlfriend liked or didn’t like. I have my own preferences and those and what the man likes to do are all that matter to me.

Picnics are a great date imo so I’d like it. You shouldn’t take people on extravagant expensive dates for first dates imo, maybe a man was doing that and learned it was a bad idea so stopped.

Perfect-Resist5478 · 2023-05-15T23:29:51+00:00

How would you possibly know what kind of other dates he’s been on.

If I wanted to do something fancy and extravagant, I’d take him.

Waratah888 · 2023-05-16T00:02:23+00:00

Maybe the recipients of extravagant dates passed the 'genuinely interested' screening test by enjoying some frugal dates first.

Obsidian_Koilz · 2023-05-16T00:17:06+00:00

I'd be excited to go! I would interpret it as him applying his knowledge of me. I'm not into all that posh dining mess. It doesn't provide the possibilities that an outdoor picnic does.

It would make me look at him as a thoughtful and intentional planner. Not only did he plan the date, he prepared/ordered the food, he set the scene, and is SHOWING his care and intentions based on his knowledge of my enjoyment. I'd be looking at him even closer and considering this as a positive in building a relationship.

As to him telling me about his previous dating trends.... it would reinforce my original statement because he has taken the time to analyze me and determine whether or not I'm where he wants to invest his time and emotions. He has noted my preference for intentional and thoughtful interactions. He knows I'd prefer a picnic to a stuffy dinner where I wouldn't feel relaxed.

I'm here for it.

sweetestpineapple · 2023-05-16T00:00:36+00:00

A picnic in the park sounds like an amazing date. To me the effort matters more than the price. People’s financial situations can change and I’m probably exaggerating but the price of an outing feels like it’s doubled in the last couple of years. I’m fine with going for a hike then getting food at chipotle after. I care more about him wanting to do something with me and being creative enough to find things that are fun and affordable. Also I don’t see why I’d even know what kind of dates he went on with his ex(es)? It would be a red flag if that came up in most contexts.

RepresentativeMark16 · 2023-05-16T00:46:48+00:00

Yes. Fancy dinner costs $$$ but otherwise requires little effort. Picnic date requires some time and intention to plan. I think if he packed two pbj’s in a ziplock bag I might be unimpressed. But if he made in a little effort to put some things together and had a pretty spot in mind I’d be in to the idea. My now boyfriend proposed a walk in the botanical garden for our first date with coffee afterwards, and got super in to the lawn gnome scavenger hunt they offered for free at the front gate. I was totally smitten. Cute, minimal pressure. Edited because I used the word smitten twice and it felt excessive.

Orangematcha · 2023-05-16T01:56:50+00:00

If any one you’re trying to date flaunts what they did for previous partners in a gross manner like that it’s just lame, unwarranted, ick behavior. Wether it be a man or woman

InjectAdrenochrome · 2023-05-16T02:03:20+00:00

Picnic is goated. Time for some tasty salami and prosciutto. A picnic date does not equal inexpensive

-Shes-A-Carnival · 2023-05-16T01:00:29+00:00

for the hundredth time, i do not care about one thing a man has ever done for another woman, i care he does what is satisfactory TO ME. there is nothing a man could have done for other women that i would care about that i would ALSO be WITH HIM if he DIDNT DO THEM FOR ME. this obsession with past relationships is bizarre and alien to me.

MiddleZealousideal89 · 2023-05-16T00:43:44+00:00

I'd think it's sweet. Not a fan of extravagant things and I'd feel uncomfortable if someone wanted to take me out on a fancy, expensive date for our first date. Dude would also score points with the picnic date because that would mean he was paying attention when we were texting and could figure out that I'm not a fancy schmancy person. And getting a picnic basket together requires effort, just googling ''fancy restaurant'' doesn't.

ManzBearzPigzIzRealz · 2023-05-16T04:25:32+00:00

Your hypothetical isn’t great. Most women are going to react positively to a picnic, since it requires planning and effort. A better hypothetical would be an extravagant date vs a hangout at his place.

TrynaBTrad · 2023-05-15T23:25:46+00:00

I would probably try to figure out why they were free/cheap dates if they continued happening. If it were just that he didn’t want to spend money on me, specifically, or that he ran out of money, that’d be the end of things. But if he didn’t want to spend money on women while he was getting to know them anymore, and he plans on treating me to more extravagant dates in the future, that’s an acceptable reason.

Plus picnics are nice. Cheap dates can be nice.

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Ambitious_Physics141 · 2023-05-15T23:22:32+00:00

Me personally, bored. But there are also people that are open to other things. Just go for people who is into what you are.

sublimemongrel · 2023-05-16T00:04:29+00:00

I would not care one bit especially for just a first date.

IWillKeepYourSecret · 2023-05-16T01:01:19+00:00

Absolutely. Picnics are far more personal and unique than generic expensive dates. Throw enough money at anything and it will become fun, but putting time and effort into a date where the sole focus is each other's company is far more special.

My boyfriend used to throw with his money a lot. He actually bought his ex a horse, which he obviously hasn't done for me. Instead, I remember how we were outside on a sunny day and he went to get us some drinks at the supermarket while I stayed outside. When he came back, he pulled out a bouquet of roses that he hid behind his back. The price sticker was still stuck on the plastic. I already started feeling a pit of guilt in my stomach since we really had to watch our spendings, but when I checked it, I was blown away.

2 euros. 2 EUROS!

God, I was so excited. My boyfriend often told me I'm more difficult than what he's used to since he can't throw money at me to keep me happy. I had to convince him to stop buying things for me because it made me feel kind of bad for not being able to give him gifts of similar value. He said he didn't mind, but I explained that I did.

So, I have no problem with a guy spending less money on me than on his exes. I'd much rather he spends time with me instead.

My boyfriend sometimes picks me after work and drives to McDonald's or KFC. After going through the drive-thru, he'll drive to a parking lot nearby, and we eat in the car. It's not most lavish and glamorous date, but it's lovely.

RocinanteCoffee · 2023-05-16T01:13:01+00:00

I'd counter offer with a place that is guaranteed to have staff/someone present as parks can sometimes be isolated for long periods of time and nobody can see you in the trees, but yeah.

I'm not into extravagant and expensive dates for the first date (and even if it's a date later on I prefer to treat or split), so him inviting me to something more down to earth and less expensive means he already is treating me in a way I want to be treated.

I don't want to be treated like everyone else because I have different tastes than some other people.

I never accept a first date to an extravagant place anyway.

Last_Rule_2536 · 2023-05-16T01:20:22+00:00

Honestly at first I would question it but realistically there could be a number of reasons why he suddenly switched it up.

1.) finances, maybe there was a big change in their life and they no longer had the budget for extravagant dates

2.) Maybe he felt that the extravagant dates weren’t working out great and wanted to try something more casual for a change

3.) Maybe someone told them a fact about you that led them to believe you’d prefer a picnic or that’s the vibe you give off and they wanted to impress you

4.) Maybe he just REALLY wanted to go on a picnic lol

A first date doesn’t need to be extravagant nor expensive for it to be enjoyable for me so I don’t think I would care that much.

anonymousUser1SHIFT · 2023-05-16T07:08:53+00:00

Do you honestly expect people to answer honestly and out them selfs as super shallow people?

AstronautLoveShack · 2023-05-16T13:54:50+00:00

Did he pack the picnic or am I expected to do it? If he packed it, and it’s good food, why would I not enjoy it?

AnyIntroduction3288 · 2023-05-15T23:52:24+00:00

I don’t know why men here think that something as harmless as taking a woman on an extravagant date can be compared to having sex with someone before you feel comfortable or ready. If the guy can afford to take women on expensive and extravagant dates, then the worst thing that happens to him is that he loses some money. If a woman has sex before she is ready the worst thing that could happen to her is that she dies in childbirth and the kid ends up an orphan with a dad who financially aborts them and doesn’t want them in her life. These two situations are not compatible in any way, shape, or form and to try to “trap”’women into saying that they would feel like men like them less because they don’t go on extravagant dates by comparing it to sex is a false equivalency.

If he doesn’t as once rich but can now no longer afford these extravagant and amazing dates then I don’t hold it against him. Or if he’s trying to budget his money better. Or if he realizes this violates his boundaries. THE SAME WAY A MAN WHO IS DATING A WOMAN WHO REALIZES CASUAL SEX VIOLATES HER BOUNDARIES SHOULD RESPECT A WOMAN WHO DOESNT WANT TO HAVE CASUAL SEX ANYMORE.

But if a man takes every other girl on extravagant dates and for some reason doesn’t take meo on one then continues to take other women on them, then I will assume he is just not that into me.

Consequences of having sex before you are ready:

Babies

Abortion, getting an abortion isn’t like going and getting a haircut.

STD’s

Taking birth control that is either a piece of metal jammed up your uterus that can cause ectopic pregnancy or something hormonal that makes you moody and fat. BC is not like a multivitamin or tic tac.

Violating moral codes, whether those codes are internal, culturally driven, or religious

They are not equal in any way shape or form.

EulenWatcher · 2023-05-16T00:30:00+00:00

You could have scrolled through Q4W, you'd fine multiple similar questions and answers don't really change that much:

https://www.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/ri1fta/q4women_you_find_out_that_your_boyfriend_treated/

https://www.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/kejgpd/q4women_you_find_out_that_your_boyfriend_treated/

https://www.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/j73l1d/would_you_women_be_offended_if_your_boyfriend/

https://www.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/cl8i92/q4w\_you\_find\_out\_your\_bfhusband\_would\_eat\_out\_his/

Old-Condition-119 · 2023-05-16T00:38:54+00:00

The bar is so low he would have to steal from me or something

Blaphrodite · 2023-05-16T06:10:16+00:00

No two guys are the same.

No two dates are the same.

You get to judge each individually.

That said, guys are trying to do less and less these days and expecting great results. So hold on to your standards. If he is intentionally devaluing you, like many try to do these days, it’s okay not to give him more of your time.

There’s a silly woman somewhere for him.

pinktuliplover · 2023-05-16T01:26:57+00:00

I love picnics so as long as there was obviously a lot of effort put in I’m happy. I would like a more expensive date on our next date though.

Extreme-Nuance · 2023-05-16T02:29:36+00:00

Depends on the effort/thought involved. Doesn't have to be expensive. Maybe he's packed something really nice, something he made himself or a favorite food that we have in common. Picnics are romantic.

If I'm really into him, then it doesn't matter. The only way I'd feel offended is if he means that he's put zero thought into it.

AcanthocephalaNew947 · 2023-05-16T03:22:45+00:00

I don’t know how I’d know what he did in past relationships, I guess we were acquaintances before?

But if he told me we’re going on a planned picnic I’d think that was the sweetest most thoughtful thing ever and I’d absolutely go.

I realize this is an AF/BB argument we get them about once or twice a month, but guys here seem to have a hard time making a comparison that’s actually equal.

There are things that can make a partner feel insecure. I don’t know if a picnic would do it though.

MistyMaisel · 2023-05-16T03:31:58+00:00

Yeah, of course. Picnics are the tits. Fancy and expensive isn't my style. I'm glad he's matching what I'm about and trying to impress me in a way I would receive well. And if he's just being cheap because he got burnt, that's fine too. I get being a lil jaded after awhile. No effect I can think of really. At most if we had a really nice date and I felt like we connected, I might query him to find out why the picnic and the change up. But only out of curiosity of knowing where he's at.

cloudsongs_ · 2023-05-16T03:31:58+00:00

Yes, because I prefer a picnic at the park over something extravagant.

SwimmingTheme3736 · 2023-05-16T05:11:05+00:00

I’m not one for extravagant dates so to me that’s good. I would rather something with thought behind it than money

sugartomyT · 2023-05-16T05:57:01+00:00

Picnic in the park on a sunny day sounds pretty good to me. Why would this be not a high quality date?

moonglow89 · 2023-05-16T06:27:02+00:00

A picnic is a WAY better date than an extravagant, expensive date

Picnics require planning and he has to set everything up himself and can’t rely on anyone else

An expensive date at a fancy restaurant boils down to throwing money at people who do all the work and him sitting back

Plus an expensive first date just SCREAMS “I can buy you” which is a major red flag that usually devolves into him thinking I owe him my body for spending money on me — I would insist on splitting the bill

You’re really only going to filter for hardcore golddiggers at that point

januaryphilosopher · 2023-05-16T08:47:14+00:00

I don't care. I don't want to spend lots of money on dates or expect someone else to. I want to go on dates I personally like, and if I arranged a date then it's good enough for me. A picnic sounds really nice and thoughtful especially for a first date so I'd be excited. I really couldn't give a shit how someone enjoyed themselves on dates when not with me.

kayama57 · 2023-05-16T09:07:48+00:00

If you turn down a picnic in the park as a get-to-know-you date you do not deserve that person’s complex date ideas even once

Blondefairy25 · 2023-05-16T09:21:56+00:00

I think it still sounds like a nice date tbh 🤷🏼‍♀️

begayallday · 2023-05-16T09:48:51+00:00

I’m just trying to figure out how on earth I would know what types of dates he had taken other women on in the past.

neetykeeno · 2023-05-16T11:05:22+00:00

I like picnics.

A lot of how I felt would depend upon the emotions he has around the change in what he is doing. If he's full of vengeance and hostility to women, blaming women for everything, no longer wanting to put anything of himself in a relationship then that's a problem. If he's decided to behave differently because he's decided that maybe he had a role in the energies he brought to previous relationships and that flinging large amounts of money and effort around before two people had a shared understanding about goals and priorities tended to get in the way of better dynamics, that's fine, that's sensible and it is him taking responsibility for himself.

HobbitShaker88 · 2023-05-16T15:08:41+00:00

I'd be fine with it.

I'd actually probably wouldnt want to date him though...men who take women on very extravagant dates as a first date tend to do it because 1) theyre insecure and overcompensating 2) because they want sex at the end of the night and view it as a transaction 3) they are the type who is rich and sees women as golddiggers. (Unlike most women you describe on here, I'm turned off by men who make significantly more than me and it disrupts the power balance) Most of the men I know who do stuff like that like to use their money to have power in their relationship,

I think the only exception is if the guy knew the girl really well and liked her, then took her on an extravagant date. But if hes done this ALOT, that situation is not likely.

Sophiatab · 2023-05-16T15:40:33+00:00

I wouldn't date anyone who didn't treat me at least as well as his ex's.

I_DRINK_ANARCHY · 2023-05-16T15:46:27+00:00

I'm not going to judge a different choice of a first date. Maybe he used to start with the fancy places because he thought that's what he "had" to do. Maybe his financial situation changed. Maybe he never enjoyed the fancy restaurants at all, and is trying to be more true to himself.

A picnic in a park would work for me, personally. I am a casual person, I am much more comfortable in a relaxed atmosphere like a park, I like being outside, I like someone that isn't stuffy or stuck up. A lunch in the park is both low stakes and also a great jumping point for a longer day together if things go well.

I also have never really cared about my partners' past relationships. Like, I wasn't there to see how he interacted with his girlfriend, so it's a moot point. If he and I get along wonderfully, then that's all that matters.

pearllovespink · 2023-05-16T19:03:43+00:00

I’m not sure if I would like a picnic as a first date. Maybe second date. I don’t think you should start out with a low budget date if she’s used to extravagant places. You don’t have to take her to the most expensive place but go somewhere decent.

punapearebane · 2023-05-16T19:57:18+00:00

I went out with multiple guys from walks to dinners. Eventually ended up with the guy who took me to get takeout food and eat in his car. He was genuine. Also I hate places with alot of people.

Maybe worth noting that I also always pay for myself.

houstongradengineer · 2023-05-17T02:18:40+00:00

I'd go under the right conditions, yes. It is a FIRST date. We can do candlelit dinner for a 6 month anniversary or something. My concern is not money or extravagance on a first date, not at all. Like someone else said, it would even be a bad thing on a very early date. Same thing with sex, by the way(!!!!).

For a first date, I am thinking exit strategy. Can I bring my own car and get away quickly, safely, and hopefully relatively smoothly? If he doesn't bring good picnic food, do I have a manageable backup plan that doesn't take too much of my time or money? Does the weather report and the location seem ideal? If I can make it all work without too much fuss, I'd go. The fact that he took people to nice places eventually seems like a green flag that he can enjoy finer things.

If we both had dogs, I would ALMOST say that the park picnic is the cutest first date ever. Only downside being, two outdoorsy people probably use their nearby dog parks a lot and could run into each other after a bad date.

Title	How would you feel if a guy didn't take you on the same quality of dates as previous suitors?
Author	FutureBannedAccount2
Upvotes	16
Comments	206
Date	May 15, 2023 11:17 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/13inzhm/how_would_you_feel_if_a_guy_didnt_take_you_on_the/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/how-would-you-feel-if-a-guy-didnt-take-you-on-the.1219385 https://theredarchive.com/post/1219385

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