Wouldn't it be so much safer for women if they started hitting on men?

WilliamWyattD · 2023-09-01T18:41:47+00:00

The ultimate reason women do not initiate is that they do not have to. And nobody wants to do it. If men had the leverage, they'd generally let women do it.

Also, a lot of this had to do with societies where people initiate courtship and mating directly, without intermediaries. This is somewhat strange, historically. When one uses intermediaries, depending on the culture, it is not uncommon for the female side to initiate.

Also, in the modern world, we often initiate when we feel something sexual. It isn't like an arranged marriage where families looks at the objective qualities of each person and just trust that the proper feelings will emerge in time if the match is good on paper. Or sometimes there is an individual courtship and get to know you process after families have made initial connections; in that time the participants can see if feelings emerge.

While some people argue this is a cope for women just not finding many men attractive, I think the research into active vs. responsive sexuality is generally accurate. That means that women often cannot initiate because everyone is waiting for some sexual feelings before they do. Men get those easily, with their higher libido and more active sexuality. But often it takes the act of the man initiating, including some game and seduction, to generate initial sexual feelings in the woman.

Barneysparky · 2023-09-01T17:52:55+00:00

Where do you live that men and women don't interact constantly daily?

Women do initiate relationships with men in our social groupings, we have 0 reason to approach strangers for sexual reasons.

Excellent_Badger123 · 2023-09-02T00:49:57+00:00

I’ve always been an approacher. I’ve never gotten a negative response, not a single time. I’ve politely bailed a few times when the guy turned out to be not my type in ways other than looks. It’s not that big of a deal if you’re out in the world socializing.

MistyMaisel · 2023-09-01T18:13:17+00:00

Women do approach men they're interested in, we just do so in a non-aggressive manner (much better described as luring). And some do just outright go say hey, hottie.
Women aren't interested in that many men. I don't think most women are sitting on their hands wishing a hot guy they like would talk to them past say very early grade-school years.
Again, women aren't interested in that many men which is why we aren't luring or approaching them. Just not how our interest or attraction generally works.
We had a thread about how women would approach men and most of them women here (myself included) were easily able to lay out how we'd approach a man we were interested in and initiate an interaction. Men forget we are the knitters of the social fabric and often make friends and introduce ourselves not just to women, but also men. We know how to initiate interactions if we want to. This is our boon as the gender that "likes people as opposed to objects".
Rejection isn't super devastating unless there's more going on (think long term unrequited love). I've had dudes reject me before and just shrugged it off because it wasn't super meaningful. I've had dudes I had it bad for so to speak and it hurt. I'm not, not approaching dudes because of this, I'm not doing it because I'm not interested in the majority of dudes and I prefer luring them.
Speaking of luring, most men do not enjoy being approached, they think they do, but they treat women who are that direct as desperate (in most cases). That's why most of us don't do it. I do not care to be treated as desperate.
Men tend to feel emasculated if you do it for them (unless they weren't super masculine in the first place, not knocking such dudes, just saying). And emasculated men tend to punish you for this triggering them.
On some level if I have to do all of the causing of a relationship and then run and maintain that relationship, I am going to feel like I don't need the man. The deal has generally been whoever initiates the early relationship gets to relax more in the established relationship and make fewer plans and do slightly less to maintain the connection. Men generally initiate and cause the early stuff more so (they are lured, but still, they spend the money and make the plans even if being guided) and Women upkeep the established relationship and keep the social calendars, remind the man of things, and generally do the bulk of the leg work for the established relationship. If I'm meant to do everything including the middle part, I am going to feel like the man is baggage who is lucky to even be there.

Ectoplasmic1984 · 2023-09-01T21:02:23+00:00

i don't see this unfair gender dynamic ever changing, hence why there will always be more male wizards than female wizards

social_mules_alt · 2023-09-04T01:25:41+00:00

Safety isn't nearly as important to women as protecting their ego and having a good public image.

Aint no way in hell women, enmasse, are gonna risk rejection by approaching men. A few one offs here and there but never a society-wide phenomenon.

Bassist57 · 2023-09-01T18:02:40+00:00

Basically any guy would love to get approached by women. It makes her intention very clear and doesn't leave room for misinterpreting signals or playing games. Tends to be women who play games like playing hard to get.

Relative_Bee8356 · 2023-09-01T18:38:29+00:00

Women hitting on men won't reduce creeps.

TBH, I'm pro-hitting on men and don't buy all the stuff about how it puts you at a disadvantage but it will do jack shit to end harassment.

Peacesquad · 2023-09-01T18:57:26+00:00

Sounds like a Pixar fair tale movie. It will never happen. Women handle rejection way worse than men and don’t even know what they want. They just know how to disqualify. It’s the most natural thing a woman can do, disqualify and turn down multitude of men throughout her lifetime and respond to strong attraction triggers such as Preselection, status, social proof. Etc.

DanceComigo · 2023-09-01T17:48:46+00:00

[permanently deleted]

ShiningWoman · 2023-09-01T17:57:19+00:00

No because then men will lie, pretend to be interested, get sex and then leave.

RonMexico432 · 2023-09-01T18:30:59+00:00

No, because guys will just get bitter and angry when nobody approaches them. It'll be no better than it is now.

Novadina · 2023-09-01T18:03:34+00:00

I hit on men out when I was single. Not with strangers, of course, because I’m not attracted to people I don’t even know, but with men I wanted to date. It did not deter creeps from pawing at me on the bus in any way. I’m not even sure why you think it would, you never actually explain this jump of logic…

onion_rings_addict · 2023-09-01T17:47:47+00:00

A lot of women explicitly say that the only difference between a flirt and a haressment is how attractive the guy is.

I'm going to need some links because it sounds BS

DreaminInChocolate · 2023-09-01T17:59:28+00:00

A lot of women explicitly say that the only difference between a flirt and a haressment is how attractive the guy is. Therefore, they do like attention but only from a very specific pool of man. That said, how are we men supposed to know whether we're that type or the creep ones if we can't read minds? To approach a girl, a man will always run the risk of being called a creep, no matter how respectful he is.

No, the only thing that matter is if she's interested. It doesn't matter how good looking he is if she doesn't want that attention. Harassment is unwanted attention.

TopNYJeweler · 2023-09-01T17:57:16+00:00

Women already indirectly hit on men they are interested on. For example, they take their time to be around them, give them gifts, invite them to parties, etc.

Women also would not be able to handle rejection, while men are rejected since birth, even as "defective girls" by school, so they are used to it unless they are very problematic and violent, in which case it makes no difference if they are rejected or not.

Women hate putting any effort in dating, beyond just looking right, which is very important BTW, but action? They want the man to take ALL risks.

januaryphilosopher · 2023-09-01T18:51:22+00:00

How's that going to make it safer? People don't harass and assault others because they're not hit on enough. At most, there'd be a smaller number of polite approaches, which doesn't really change anything, somebody wanting to attack someone else won't be put off. Believe me, creepy behaviour is easy to tell if you care enough to.

purplish_possum · 2023-09-01T23:11:09+00:00

Started? Women have always hit on men. They do so with obvious indications of interest.

Orangematcha · 2023-09-01T17:41:31+00:00

How about people just do as they please? If a man wants to try he can but if he’s turned down learn to take rejection better instead. Why should a woman that’s not interested have to deal with an unwanted conversation and then a disgruntled man? Have you been bothered while out and about and not enjoyed it? It’s not fun.

Oh_Debussy · 2023-09-01T18:54:00+00:00

Seems logical but we all know interactions between men and women aren’t governed by logic

PageVanDamme · 2023-09-01T19:11:34+00:00

Girls do approach guys, you just gotta be 10/10 for that to happen on regular basis. I’ve had buddies that are legit 10/10 Very rarely they initiate and when they do, it’s a response to a hint.

DivineDaedra · 2023-09-01T19:34:24+00:00

It wouldn’t be any safer per-say, but it would certainly make day to day life more pleasant.

I’ve done the approaching and gotten rejected. It wasn’t pleasant but I knew the risks going in and took it in stride. I do honestly think that more women should take the initiative regardless.

I’m also married so it would be all benefit for me if this suddenly happened lol.

Ok_Smile_60 · 2023-09-01T18:19:02+00:00

Don’t the studies show conversion rate from dating to marriage is far far higher when the women was the one who asked the man out, rather than the ‘normal’ way?

Safinated · 2023-09-01T21:02:44+00:00

It’s not about safety

Substantial_Video560 · 2023-09-02T13:41:50+00:00

As a male I would find it annoying and harrasement. When I'm out and about I just want to be left alone to do my own thing. I don't want people disturbing my peace.

Dstar538888 · 2023-09-01T17:48:09+00:00

Brandy96Ros · 2023-09-02T06:21:32+00:00

Why do men on here have such a warped sense of how women view themselves? Most women do not think they are super attractive and actually have lower self-esteems than men do. It's men who are the ones who tend to overrate their attractiveness, not women. Most women don't walk around thinking "I'm so hot, I could approach any guy I want and they wouldn't reject me". At least my case, I already don't approach men out of fear of rejection. I've been told by men my whole life that I'm not beautiful enough (as have most women), so why would I not expect rejection?

ComfortableHyena3813 · 2023-09-01T19:20:12+00:00

Women have the responsibility of nurturing (I mean this literally as they are growing them and figuratively) a child until it is independent. This isn't to say there aren't men who take care of their children, I myself was raised by a single father and he was amazing.

I personally believe in evolution. I think societal standards play a part and historical rules and regulations obviously- but I do really really believe deep in the fabric of our animal brains there still stirs the guidance of our ancestors for procreation habits.

I believe it is quite evident in the animal kingdom the lady creature often chooses the male based on offerings and best candidate.

The point is there is usually an approach by the male. I know there are huge complexities when we get to our civilized culture as to who women choose for partners. That's not really what this question is asking however. I think the question is only asking why women don't approach men. I feel like it's just a whisper in our genetic make up from a time when it was important to pick the best to continue.

I think it is wonderful for women to approach men if they are comfortable with it. There's nothing wrong with a woman choosing not to also.

ilovegaryb99givmore · 2023-09-03T04:42:02+00:00

Women are constantly socially conditioned against that, from everyone but especially their fathers. I thought men didn’t want fatherless women? Because that is peak fatherless behavior.

Show me an active father telling his daughter to approach men and even teaching her how. Show a woman with a good father approaching men and ‘taking the lead’.

These posts are my least favorite because they are possibly the most disingenuous from men.

All men know how hard it is to find a good man in the context of their daughters and sisters. They look at other men and know the majority have awful intentions and beliefs about women, just like themselves, and hate thinking about that being done to woman they view as an extension as themselves.

If a man actually likes you even a little bit, he’ll go to you. Men tell this to women they actually care about and have best interests at heart for.

Men try to believe women are just as depraved as they are, women think men aren’t as bad as they say they are. Very sad.

You, men know that women will get nothing out of approaching the average guy, because the average guy will view her as ‘fling material’ and pump and dump her (which y’all love making fun of women for), you simply want to be the one pumping and dumping her.

Once again internet men purposely being delusional and disingenuous in an attempt to guilt women into dating them. Neverending nonsense.

Correct-Warthog-9061 · 2023-09-01T17:57:31+00:00

Women aren't going to initiate. Deal with it

Over_North8884 · 2023-09-01T18:55:19+00:00

Women aren't interested in hitting on men because it's simply against natural instinct; they're the valuable reproductive bottleneck, invest enormous resources in reproduction, and greatly benefit from being genetically selective. Men want to spread their seed as far and wide as possible.

In nature, males are almost always the pursuers; females only need to passively bring their reproductive capabilities to the table. Since males only bring their genes, they pursue females and in many cases must provide resources of some type as well.

Expecting women to be pursuers is like expecting birds not to sing.

PercentageGullible11 · 2023-09-01T19:55:28+00:00

Wouldn’t it be much safer if we all just grew wings and flew where we wanted to go instead of using cars?

Women don’t want to approach because their genes tell them not to. They can’t be reprogrammed to want otherwise, regardless of what feminist academics say.

DisasterPeace7 · 2023-09-01T21:14:03+00:00

I don't really care about their safety overall, we have our own stuff to worry about, and women are not going to do the main approaching and if they are they certainly for the most part are not going to be as blatant they'll just do their little BS dropping hints, the human race would have gone extinct years ago if we left pursuing up to women

Yupperdoodledoo · 2023-09-02T03:11:08+00:00

First, women do hit on men.

Second, how is that safer? It’s riskier.

InjectAdrenochrome · 2023-09-01T17:50:32+00:00

My way of dealing with guys I like is to try being annoying to them. Even if I don't realize it at the time, 99% of guys I try to annoy I would probably go out with.

But we have to be friends/acquaintances first.

Det_Steve_Sloan · 2023-09-02T10:06:45+00:00

Women do hit on men. They just do it differently. A big percentage of relationships have been started by the woman.

Shadowcat1606 · 2023-09-02T18:54:53+00:00

... i mean, the guys not being able to handle rejection now would then become the guys not being able to handle not being hit on by women and would probably react just as creepy or aggresively to it.

That being said... i'm not sure it would be all around better for women - because let's face it, overall, with the burden being completely on the guy, they have it really comfortable - but i do think that it would have a generally positive effect on the relationship between sexes in the long term.

Hellizecopter24 · 2023-09-02T14:03:06+00:00

We do approach men we are attracted to.

If you don't notice it then maybe you are not attractive enough.

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neverendingplush · 2023-09-01T19:40:19+00:00

Lmao this will never happen

Blue_Robin_04 · 2023-09-01T19:46:54+00:00

Women secretly love traditional approaches. They don't want to give that up, and they would feel desperate if they tried to do it. On top of that, yeah, they have no idea how to rizz up someone they like. They'd look like apes.

SteveSan82 · 2023-09-02T04:21:28+00:00

You this against female nature to approach. Most men are suspicious if a woman does . Is she a hooker, planning to rob me with her boyfriend hiding?

There are things women can do to make it clear she is interested though

cassowaryy · 2023-09-02T06:00:03+00:00

Humans are very complex but ultimately it stems from a biological reality that women are the limiting sex because their reproduction rate is much slower. Therefore males are forced to vie for female attention and access due to the imbalance of sexual needs vs availability. Women are also more vulnerable during the process of procreation. Over millions of years this has translated to men needing to compete and woo women, whereas the women select. There is minimal evolutionary need for women to develop seduction techniques, therefore they generally don’t go out trying to seduce men. That’s why most women have zero game. Even when they approach they merely signal some interest and let the man do the rest of the seduction. That’s why even on apps like bumble, where women text first, most of the time they’re just saying “hi” or “what’s up” in the first message

Rogue5454 · 2023-09-02T07:49:44+00:00

Who knows? I’d doubt it tho; it probably would just “send” many women “to the slaughter.”😏

How about we put the responsibility for women’s safety on men instead because it’s men who are the reason that women aren’t safe.🤔

atmhere11 · 2023-09-02T23:58:33+00:00

Emergency-Escape1708 · 2023-09-04T07:55:48+00:00

Women are born pussies and generally stay massive pussies all their lives. It's the same story throughout history. We have to work around it.

KamuiObito · 2023-09-04T17:16:45+00:00

Yes but they are obsessed with being inferior to us…like deadass most of their attractions are them being inferior and find it attractive..so yes. They be alot safer and comfortable

Title	Wouldn't it be so much safer for women if they started hitting on men?
Author	DanceComigo
Upvotes	51
Comments	188
Date	September 1, 2023 5:38 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/167don4/wouldnt_it_be_so_much_safer_for_women_if_they/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/wouldnt-it-be-so-much-safer-for-women-if-they.1230591 https://theredarchive.com/post/1230591

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