I don't buy into the incel notion of women having insanely high standards, the 80-20 rule, guys being screwed if they are not 6/6/6, etc.

I know way too many uglier dudes who have gfs, with the girl oftentimes looking average and above. These guys, however, are not perpetually online and have friends. Some go to bars with friends, some go to church, some are just involved in a hobby or organization that involves other people. Regardless, they are regularly interacting with other people which is how most people meet their significant other. Women are much more inclined to date someone who is in their extended social circle - a friend of a friend, a coworker, someone they see regularly at church, etc. Not only is there more of a trust factor (you're not going to murder her after your date), but there is also more compatibility. A religious person prefers another religious person, someone who likes drinking prefers a fellow drinker, an educated professional prefers a fellow educated professional, etc.

If you don't have that social circle, which guys increasingly do not (a record number of guys report having no friends), you are at a disadvantage. When it comes to dating apps, yes, girls there are probably more shallow. Dating apps are already overwhelmingly guys, and these guys tend to be more desperate, swiping right on literally every female. If you had an abundant number of mediocre, desperate girls messaging you, you would become very picky too. In addition, you are revealing that you actively looking for a girl which gives her leverage over you - she already knows you want her, and that puts her in the upper hand position, like an employer evaluating a job candidate. All the pressure is on you - you have to woo her, and she can just jump to the next candidate if there is even just one little thing she dislikes about you.

It's not the same if you are meeting people in your extended social circle. The fact that the guy in her extended social circle isn't obviously desperate, is pre-approved by her friends, religious community, etc., makes him a far better dating candidate than some rando on tinder who probably just wants a pump and dump and doesn't share her values and interests. In many cases, there is not going to be a heavily uneven ratio of males-to-females either. The uncertainty about whether you're just being nice or whether you actually like her doesn't automatically put you in the weaker position where you have to prove yourself to her - she's not exactly sure what your intent is, and as long as you don't blow your cover, you can keep it that way until you are able to better gauge whether she in fact likes you. This puts dating in a more at-level playing field as opposed to apps where you have 30 seconds to spark her interest and prove your worth.

Guys really just need to expand their friend group and socialize more - that's their best bet to find a girl. Not having social ties is the primary cause of the incel epidemic, not 80-20.