Has a woman ever randomly said she doesn't want to have sex with you in the middle of a non-sexual conversation?

appmanga · 2021-11-01T12:34:22+00:00

"That's good. The last thing I need is you falling in love with me".

Caitipoo421 · 2021-11-01T11:30:09+00:00

Maybe they want to see how you react... If you are getting pissed off you definetly wont get any action. If you handle it correctly she thinks you are not just out for sex.

Vapourtrails89 · 2021-11-01T12:20:58+00:00

You know what, a girl once said, "I'm not going to get with you", after she had chased me out of a club to the outdoor area. She said if she got with me we'd end up taking it further. Another girl once said, "you want me to be your girlfriend, but it's not happening," in a playful way in a similar situation

It occured to me years later that they may well have both said these things because they wanted me to challenge it. She wanted me to say yeah I want you to be my girlfriend, so the games could begin. Instead I was just like, " Ok.... "

eonscrewedme · 2021-11-01T09:46:12+00:00

Yes, it means she is thinking about sex with you.

It also means you will almost certainly have sex if you go for it adn play your cards right.

You just play confident, and go with something like "hold on there take it slow", or some playful push of that kind, or don't respond at all and just laugh at her.

Then keep escalating.

BrownThunderMK · 2021-11-01T15:55:55+00:00

A women bringing up sex unprompted means she's thinking of sex with you bro.

Gatreek · 2021-11-01T13:56:04+00:00

Next time ask her why she’s even thinking about having sex with you.

JasonWwolf · 2021-11-01T10:12:37+00:00

Go by her actions not her words, she could say one thing but mean the exact opposite.

Tiko853 · 2021-11-01T11:42:48+00:00

I think women get told That “tell a man you won’t have sex with him, that will instantly filter out the ones who are just looking for sex, while the good ones should react calmly”

TASTY_BALLSACK_ · 2021-11-01T13:39:16+00:00

Since this has happened multiple times it could be that you’re making your intentions overbearingly obvious.

It could be the words you use, your body language, eye movement, something that is being picked up on.

If they’re saying it to end your conversation, I think this is likely the case. However, if it’s not said in parting, it could be a way for them to steer the conversation to the topic of sex.

busyvish · 2021-11-01T15:20:33+00:00

I had a girl say that to me on my first date. Twice iirc. She was making out with me in her car after the date. Sex was def on the table if i wasnt a fool. I was 18 it was my first date. Edit typo

JasonWwolf · 2021-11-01T13:57:48+00:00

Surprised at all the replies to what I thought was a silly weird question.

The general consensus I'm getting is: from womenbwho if they said this 100% meant it and from men who have had women say this and smashed shortly thereafter.

Conclusion: respect boundaries at all times of course. Joke, flirt, escalate the conversation to see if she's being cheeky. Then act accordingly.

I've so far just been saying "OK, cool." Then leaving and never seeing them again so I'll try better next time 😅.

Puapub1 · 2021-11-01T16:53:28+00:00

When I first met my girlfriend she asked "Why are you talking to me?". The point is girls will often try to deter a guy they are interested in, and you have to push through judging on the atmosphere of the interaction.

stanthemilkman88 · 2021-11-01T10:43:53+00:00

Dude, you've been playing it wrong the entire time. When I get a text or somewith not sleeping line it' s usually I sign I'm going to sleep with them. Subtext. She said it because she was considering it.

Laugh it off. It is a test and wanting to let you know she is not a sl*t. This all unconscious.

So as other said laugh it off. Wow I'm not that easy etc. Play from there

Remember watch actions not words

Moikepdx · 2021-11-01T15:55:49+00:00

The first time I realized this is a very good thing to hear I was with a girl that had been flirting and giving me “fuck me” eyes. I was dressed very well and surrounded by people that weren’t when I met her. She was a solid 10. She aproached me and asked what I was doing there (implying that I stood out from the crowd in a good way). My response was unintentionally ambiguous. While looking her in the eyes with a sly smile I said, “I was just wondering the same thing.” She initially registered it as a compliment about herself and smiled, then looked momentarily confused as she realized I might be talking about myself.

We spent a little time together, things started to get frisky, and she laid the “We’re not going to have sex” line on me.

It was so ludicrous given what was happening that I just laughed and said, “Oh now you’re going to play hard to get?” Her response: “We’re definitely going to fuck.” She then said her goodbyes to others so we could leave immediately.

For her, I think the “we’re not having sex” line was a method of saying, “I’m not normally a slut, so if we have sex it’s not my fault.”

Pik000 · 2021-11-01T10:32:44+00:00

Its the exact opposite as shes thinking about having sex with you. Not saying you can go home with her that night but shes interested. Most times if you catch up for a drink at a later date it they have already let you know their keen as long as you dont fuck it up.

Shivam5483 · 2021-11-01T16:14:10+00:00

Man I was laughing my ass off while reading this post. All four of them that said this were into you bro.

Two things I wanna point out.

Women are more emotional than logical so don't try to find logic in what they're saying.

It's a classic shit test. When she says this, it means she's the one thinking about it. And she's just testing how you react to see if you're really worth it. And how you're reacting is exactly the opposite of what you should be doing.

Side note: sometimes they say this to not appear slutty. So if something does go down. It just something that happened in the moment. And it wasn't her fault.

Whenever they throw something like this to you. Just don't get emotionally affected. That's how you deal with shit tests.

As for how to respond. There three ways you can go about it. Agree. Exagerate. Ignore.

After she says this, you can just say "okay" (with a cheeky smile) and move on with the conversation.

Or you can exaggerate it by saying something like "yeah I'm too shy for that anyway" or whatever. Don't worry about it sounding stupid.

Or you can just ignore that like she didn't even say anything and move on with the conversation.

All three ways works great.

Also, don't listen to the guys that are saying that you should back off or leave when she says that. They clearly don't understand women's psychology and don't know what they are talking about.

Kommoncents1 · 2021-11-01T20:34:49+00:00

A girl saying this to me is usually a huge indicator that she is going to sleep with me at some point lmao - shows that it’s on her mind.

I usually toss back a “perfect I hate sex”, or “this fits right in to my plan to friend zone you”, or “waiting till marriage?”. Something to throw them off guard and laugh. Doesn’t have to end in awkwardness.

AmazingAnimeGirl · 2021-11-01T13:54:43+00:00

I'm a woman it's literally because EVERY or a far amount of guys think because we're having a good conversation they can just ask to fuck like a day later. I say it because I don't want to be harassed and go through that it's not me being a bitch :/

Becka3Knees · 2021-11-01T11:59:41+00:00

Or maybe they actually mean what they say and just don’t want to have sex, so if you’re looking for a sexual relationship try again with someone else.

self_journey · 2021-11-01T14:52:36+00:00

I'm sure others have said it but it's 100% true: she wants sex but because of societal standards does not want to come off as a "slut". I've been with at least 100 women at this point in my life and this is a constant with women. You just have to shrug or make a little joke and move on, escalate physically, and go for it. I seriously cannot tell you how many times I've been told "we're not having sex tonight" and thirty minutes later we're doing it lol.

User1701d · 2021-11-01T16:08:17+00:00

“How presumptuous of you to assume I want to have sex with you”.

Sleuth65 · 2021-11-01T16:42:22+00:00

“Don’t know why women feel the need to be shitty though.”

Their comment tells you they’re a shitty woman, and not worthy of your time.

I’d tell them they’re making an unnecessary assumption about your interest, get up and leave. No need to waste energy with a woman who starts by trying to put you in a n indefensible position. Imagine their reaction if out of nowhere you threw into the conversation “Just so you know. I’m not sleeping with you.” Then again, they might take that as a challenge.

sophist16 · 2021-11-01T16:47:43+00:00

Well, counter to the majority opinion, that’s actually a great thing. Women say that to me constantly. The second I hear it I know Im getting laid.

Straight-Tomorrow-99 · 2021-11-01T17:22:52+00:00

Say something like this: is that all you think about?

Upset-Temperature · 2021-11-01T18:29:22+00:00

So I’ve only had this happen once. Went to see a local band play with this girl that I genuinely had no expectations for anything with. Went back to her place to have some drinks and she randomly said “we aren’t sleeping with each other tonight” and I said “cool?” in a way that made her assumptions about me seem completely off. I asked if I could sleep over because it was late and the bus stopped running. Within 10 minutes she was on top of me. I know that if I ever hear those words in the future again, I just gotta hold my frame of “I’m not needy, and I have no expectations” and things may just fall into your lap. Also helped to be truly not invested, girls can pick up on when you’re trying to project something, it’s uncanny sometimes.

Jandiboy · 2021-11-01T19:20:33+00:00

It’s mostly a good sign, she is thinking about the possibility

coacherman50 · 2021-11-01T20:19:14+00:00

Normally it’s a shit test to see how you react. Most times I find that they say that so they don’t feel guilty if that happens as well. Most times you end up having sex when they say that if you’re on a date etc. Just my experience tho

jenkinsonfire · 2021-11-01T20:44:28+00:00

“I’d hope not. At least take me to dinner first”

skinisblackmetallic · 2021-11-01T13:38:46+00:00

It means all I have to do is hang out & be chill and I will be getting laid later.

tthalassophile · 2021-11-01T10:53:44+00:00

just say you weren’t expecting to and you want to get to know her a little

Confidenceisbetter · 2021-11-01T10:15:40+00:00

Is this on a date or in a random every day setting? Because on first dates I’ve definitely said things like that. Not outright ‘we’re not having sex’, but i’ve made it clear he’s not coming home with me or vice versa.

17ballsdeep · 2021-11-01T12:47:06+00:00

The only times these words have been said to me have been the times we have had sex

damiancontrol · 2021-11-01T13:47:42+00:00

You can imply back that you ain't interested it will break her frame

designer-gas · 2021-11-01T15:46:53+00:00

It’s a shit test my guy. You just laugh and say “why in the world would I want to do that” or “ew sex gross” or “yes but only cause I don’t want to” you get the idea. Then just continue your convo like it was never said. It’s important to not care my guy. Guys that pull aren’t concerned that ONE girl won’t have sex w them out of many that would so they would naturally shrug it off. Bring out that inner charm. Good luck

trynnaplayitcool · 2021-11-01T15:53:06+00:00

I've done this, to avoid putting myself or them in a position where they think sex is on the table. I've still had people assault me or get mad when I've communicated that sex isn't on the table, but I think it's just an extra safeguard to communicate it.

2021-11-01T16:11:51+00:00

If she says she doesn’t want to have sex with you, the thought of having sex with you as passed through her mind.

Kingtoke1 · 2021-11-01T16:12:07+00:00

I once had a girl randomly tell me she once fucked 4 dudes independently of each other on the same day. We were just work buddies and I wasn’t trying to make a pass at her. Didn’t want to make a pass at her either after that. 😂

YurkTheBarbarian · 2021-11-01T17:57:13+00:00

This is a line from a Julia Roberts movie. They were playing cards and she suddenly said "You're not getting any, you know". He just smirked and said "Yeah, let's just be friends. That way we can hang out with the kids, play cards, and I won't have to worry about you hitting on me all the time". He said it with a confident smirk. This is a world class response. It flips the script, shows confidence, and it's a good tease.

I tried this line twice and it worked both times.

It also worked for a friend of mine, who got the "let's be friends text", and he was bummed. I took his phone and texted the line above (sligthly modified). The girl started chasing him, and they dated. She turned out to be very insecure.

Vulturo · 2021-11-01T18:49:36+00:00

It's code for I'll have sex with you but you'll have to pass my test. If you cave, you are done.

ChurchofCaboose1 · 2021-11-01T19:29:02+00:00

My guess is many women assume we want sex. So if they have a boundary with it, they may feel they need to tell you. I wouldn't read a ton into. Perhaps look at the way you phrase things and body language if it bothers you enough to evaluate how you present yourself.

banditcleaner2 · 2021-11-01T20:04:33+00:00

I would say something like "I was gonna tell you the same thing!"

Model_Yazz · 2021-11-01T20:50:06+00:00

It’s complicated, but much of it boils down to people are just shit communicators and this whole “playing the game” thing can be stupid at best.

I’ve very flatly brought up during total, non-sexual banter of “I’m not going to have sex with you”-esq comments, but anyone who knows me, that’s a straight up, I mean what I way statement. Often times, for women, guys that have cool laid back convos read into it that “oh she really likes me” and take it the wrong way. In the same breath, I’ve told my BF the very same thing in the same way, and it was on like donkey Kong later. 🤷‍♀️.

Ultimately it really depends. It’s not meant to be insulting or anything. It just kind of “is” and you’ve gotta read the situation as such.

SixtyEightSox · 2021-11-01T21:00:27+00:00

This sounds to me like women think about sex even talking to you. It's a good problem to be honest 😁 something about you is activating them. It's all about how you respond..

Several_Government64 · 2021-11-01T21:01:19+00:00

It’s easy, you just turn it back around on them. Ask, “oh is that what you’re thinking about, I just thought this was a friendly conversation. We’re just friends”

People want what they can’t have. And a woman who thinks you are comfortable friendzoning her will get frustrated, and high chance of chasing.

midwestwerewolf · 2021-11-01T21:15:31+00:00

She wants the d

MisterSisterFister12 · 2021-11-01T21:32:54+00:00

Several times. I just say like "alright?" And move on

Yung-Split · 2021-11-01T22:04:11+00:00

It's a shit test. She wants to see how it changes your behavior and how you react to her saying it.

GroundbreakingAd8077 · 2021-11-01T22:45:14+00:00

Never happened to me, I would say "your the one thinking about it😉" if it was the 5th time and I could expect it

zzznosty · 2021-11-01T22:53:42+00:00

i was out for icecream with a girl who said this, i said "ok i dont care" then we had sex that night. i understand nothing.

pratyush_69 · 2021-11-01T23:12:20+00:00

Happened last week. Replied with "you're getting too far ahead of yourself ". Went back home to her place that night

BradleyX · 2021-11-02T00:05:03+00:00

Yes, they assumed the only reason I talked to them was because I wanted to fuck them.

FatherSun · 2021-11-02T00:11:53+00:00

It’s super common. Usually comes up while youre in the groove of the conversation. There’s no secret to it. They’re literally telling theyre either not interested in you or, more often than not, that they have other shit going on in their life and theyre not trying to have sex with anyone at the current moment. Just talk to them and chill

JasonWwolf · 2021-11-01T15:23:08+00:00

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mothersspaghettos · 2021-11-01T14:15:39+00:00

'Don't flatter yourself'

Becka3Knees · 2021-11-01T11:48:35+00:00

I said it to a guy who is now my very good friend. In my experience as a female i felt i had to let him know because i really liked him and wanted to get emotionally close to him without anything sexual because somehow it had ended sexual with previous guy friends in my past. I’ve had a lot of learning to do about setting boundaries for myself in my life and i had to learn Love isn’t just sexual. At this particular time in my life i felt i had to let him know to calm my anxiety about him getting the wrong idea and not confusing niceness with potential sex. He was really cool and understanding about it and now things are great. Me and my husband love him and see him as family. Some people have sexual trauma, maybe try not to get so offended right away 🤷‍♀️ just respect boundaries.

MuteCook · 2021-11-01T14:42:24+00:00

It's called projecting.

yge789 · 2021-11-01T12:33:11+00:00

She probably said this just to make it clear she isn't interested in sleeping with you. Having a conversation woman to man and laughing and whatnot is often seen as flirting by men.. when most of the time women are just trying to have a conversation. So to prevent leading someone on they may just say something blunt like this, it's not meant to be offensive or anything, they just want to make their intentions clear.

klippklar · 2021-11-01T14:55:56+00:00

She wants to see if sex is your hidden agenda and if you're acting intimidated when it's unfolded in front of you or she feels like she has to tell you because her good girl side tells her to. In either case, you're not intimidated because sex shouldn't be your primary objective before you found out if she's really cool enough and that you're compatible.

In this particular case you'd probably be best off with a "I'm not that easy" and then moving on and letting it interrupt with further attempts when you feel in the mood.

L4b_Syphon · 2021-11-01T12:31:52+00:00

Just say who says I want to have sex with you

intensely_human · 2021-11-01T14:35:45+00:00

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AvailableAd1925 · 2021-11-01T15:31:41+00:00

That’s when you just say “who said anything about sex? Did I say or do something that made you randomly say that?”

tryrforrob · 2021-11-01T16:00:33+00:00

That might be you doing something subconsciously to telegraph it, it's her natural shield popping up, dont get scared away - plow through this. Flip it like : “For x sake, why is every woman about sex nowadays ? You can’t have a good conversation and vibe with a human being anymore ? Come on” and just continue doing you. Actually, think about this like this - YOU should feel offended by her IMPLYING that you want to have sex with her. It's like you told her you won't lend her any money out of the blue, that would be rude of you, so treat it the same

bls65 · 2021-11-01T16:06:46+00:00

I have had that happen a few times and I take it as a positive as it is obvious that I am not in the 'Nice guy/safe guy" zone. As far as how I reply......It's usually something like "Thank god, I was trying to figure out how I was going to let you down easy if the conversation went in that direction". Sometimes that actually turns the tables and we spark. lol

One-Hedgehog4722 · 2021-11-01T16:11:36+00:00

It’s a form of plausible deniability. They want to have sex with you.

bigmoufsmooth · 2021-11-01T16:26:00+00:00

Just look at ‘‘em like they were stupid, shake your head and say “What a strange thing to say.” And nonchalantly continue on with whatever you were talking about.

YoungStarchild · 2021-11-01T16:55:46+00:00

I’ve never had that happen to me. I’m pretty sure if she said that then I would probably be the one fighting her off of me.

salviaaplaath · 2021-11-01T16:57:47+00:00

In my life, men have almost NEVER been ok with simply enjoying my presence or a conversation. I usually have to find this out later when they try touching or flirting with me in some way. If I was brave enough, I’d probably say something like that early on too!! Unfortunately in my situation, I’m usually the one uncomfortable. In the scenario you described, it’s you who is uncomfortable. I guess somebody’s gotta lose… at least that how the woman (and I) see it

I’m not saying she’s right for doing that but maybe she’s been conditioned to act more skeptical due to past experiences

Brohammer53 · 2021-11-01T17:55:39+00:00

Corey Wayne teaches it as both a projection, and secondly a shit test. This is what I have come to understand as true.

spacenuts09 · 2021-11-01T18:14:43+00:00

“I’m not that kind of a man anyway. You gotta know me first”

KillerBBQSaucyQueen · 2021-11-01T18:17:20+00:00

I can only speak for myself on this bc every woman is very different. As a woman, I would absolutely never bring up sex in the middle of a non-sexual conversation. I don’t want some random dude to think he picks up on even the tiniest bit of a hint of interest in any way whatsoever. I’m married now, but I wouldn’t do this before either.

The only time I would ever say something like, “No, it’s not going to happen,” would be when the man said something overtly sexually suggestive to me. And once I explained that it wasn’t going to happen, I would immediately leave the conversation and the area. I’m not wasting my time or theirs.

Once one person sees and voices the other as sexually attractive and that sentiment isn’t reciprocated, I think it’s awkward as hell. I would want to leave ASAP in that case. I’m not great with feelings or emotions, and my husband tells me that I can sometimes be abrupt. But since I have a hard time reading people, I’d rather be abundantly clear than have some man feel like I’m leading him on.

BarbacoaSan · 2021-11-01T18:24:14+00:00

You could just brush it off and playfully say "that's ok I wouldn't have sex with me either"

Mc_Dickles · 2021-11-01T18:42:51+00:00

All the women commenting that they do this as a way to filter… it’s fucking shitty.

I’m working on my self esteem issues so being told that you don’t want to have sex with me just sounds like “you’re fucking ugly.”

Fortunately this hasn’t happened yet but I don’t put myself out there a lot. I would hate to hear this just because I don’t even know how I’d react. I’d probably cry and vomit 😭

Mc_Dickles · 2021-11-01T18:47:00+00:00

I love seeing questions like this though cuz they are controversial enough I send them to my GF and get her answer.

Surfpig86 · 2021-11-01T18:47:55+00:00

Yea ah no we are not having sex this is a conversation sex is a completely different thing you can look it up on line there are plenty of examples.

Chopparob · 2021-11-01T18:55:01+00:00

This is great, it means you’re doing something right. In my experience, agree with her, but coyly grin add a little swagger and say something like “oh, wouldn’t dream of it 😏” do not avert her gaze. Let her look away. It’ll work wonders

2021-11-01T18:57:54+00:00

One time I asked a girl for her number and she told her boyfriend and he walked up and said “leave my girl alone man.”. It was working at CVS and I was trying to get her number for the coupon points.

willgo-waggins · 2021-11-01T19:38:51+00:00

So I am understanding that this is happening in first convo at first approach? Are we talking like you in the club or bar?

Maybe it is simply those particular women’s need to establish they are not a ONS or fuck the first night they meet you types.

You’re saying four times. That’s not much of a sample to draw conclusions from and more likely just randomly being what they are feeling for whatever reason.

dobbs1997 · 2021-11-01T20:19:17+00:00

don’t take a girl saying that as something bad, let that just roll right off of you and just play it off in a fun way, idk say some dumb shit like “yah you can’t have this piece of ass until you prove to me that you’re worthy” as you say it with a little grin on your face lmao something like that, but don’t let it make you feel weird, i’ve been told that before and then later on me and the girl end up having sex, cause i didn’t take her comment seriously & i just continued expressing myself authentically to her.

emperatrizyuiza · 2021-11-01T22:14:41+00:00

Honestly I say that to a guy when I have some genuine interest in him and based off his reaction I’ll decide if I want to keep talking to him or not.

shesanoredigger · 2021-11-01T23:06:45+00:00

Tbh every time one of my friends told a guy out of the blue she would never have sex with them, I’d instantly think “they’re gonna fuck,” and 99% of the time they fuck. 😂

ShawnSimoes · 2021-11-01T23:28:45+00:00

This is like one of the top things a woman will say to you when she wants to have sex with you. It's directly below "we're going to have sex by the way" on the list.

alrightokiguess · 2021-11-01T23:58:30+00:00

I was on a first date, and I said something (non-sexually/non-physically) complimentary to her, and she said "Kind of you to say.... but you're not getting laid on a first date!" She said goodnight to me, and I drove the hour long drive home, and then she starts texting that she wishes I was there with her...I guess it wasn't the first date that we had sex because we said bye and there was a two hour gap in the middle of it?

4ngeldust · 2021-11-02T00:00:53+00:00

You might just have a lot of sexual energy which is throwing them off, this happens to me too, except I’m a woman. My energy often gets misinterpreted. Often natural healers have a lot of sexual energy, so perhaps it’s your super power hehe

pialox · 2021-11-02T00:10:45+00:00

Yes. It usually means they want you to hurry up and fuck them.

wakejedi · 2021-11-02T00:28:21+00:00

It means you're coming off as "Try hard"

lokistar09 · 2021-11-02T00:45:07+00:00

You know that denominator rule. Perhaps it's not as random and you could circle back to why they said as such?

Smileyface8156 · 2021-11-02T00:51:57+00:00

Woman here. If I say that, it’s usually because sooooooooo many men expect sex, even trying to manipulate women when it comes time to draw the night to a close and the man still wants sex. Men can be dangerous to women, so it’s better to let them down in a public place where the man is less likely to do something crazy. I wouldn’t take it personally. If she says she doesn’t want sex, take her at her word. If it turns out she wanted you to challenge it, well, play stupid games, win stupid prizes. If you tell me no, I’m gonna assume you mean no.

18Mandrake_R00T5 · 2021-11-02T00:52:04+00:00

Take it as a joke because women like to test a man's mettle and it seems like you ain't got no salt on ya plate, boi.

SithLordJediMaster · 2021-11-02T00:53:44+00:00

Do the Austin Powers thing

Start stripping and playing I Touch Myself

Capsulate_Ion · 2021-11-02T00:54:06+00:00

I’ve seen lots of women voice their frustrations about how many fuck bois are hanging out on tinder and such. I suppose this is just a defensive mechanism that women have developed because they’re wary you’re only talking to them/being nice to them because you want to have a one-nighter? There is a possibility you are extra polite/kind in your conversations which sends their alarms buzzing because most men are not? Idk

traviij · 2021-11-02T01:07:41+00:00

In her experience, guys probably are nice to her only because they want to have sex with her, otherwise there’s no reason for someone to be as nice as you were being. My advice is to walk away. That’s rude dude. I get it, she’s probably tired of that situation playing out over and over, but still - kick rocks lady, that’s incredibly pompous.

Berg426 · 2021-11-02T01:53:04+00:00

That's exactly what you want to hear! Counter Intuitive, I know. If she drops that, completely unprompted it means it's on her mind. And in my experience, is pretty much her stating it to herself more than it's a message to you. Now let me just make it clear to respect her consent or lack thereof in any case. But if she just drops a "I'm not having sex with you" you're usually doing something right.

wooshoofoo · 2021-11-02T01:54:32+00:00

I’ve had a couple girls say that to me while we were on a first date. sometimes they’re declaring it so they wouldn’t feel like a slut later (especially if they’re starting to feel attraction)

alexjames007sly · 2021-11-02T02:06:36+00:00

I’ve had girls say that to me on dates. Every time we ether ended up having sex or hooking up. I feel like it’s an insecurity thing for them. Maybe. It was my response I’d smirk and say ether ok or we’ll see about that. Lol.

Jagang187 · 2021-11-02T02:30:00+00:00

This reminds me of my friend who told me it would never ever happen between us, not a chance in hell. Well, she was married at the time but a couple years and a divorce later she's saying "I always figured we'd bang, 'just to see', you know"

Ok_Razzmatazz_1751 · 2021-11-02T02:40:06+00:00

I'm just gonna say this , on different Reddits alot of men are pushing the narrative , A guy can never just be your friend , he's automatically wanting to fuck you. If you are a woman.
Think there is difference on opinions or miscommunications . Idk , but I can see how women after reading men stating all men wanna F*ck if showing any interest , can lead to this kinda thinking on the behalf of women .

recyclablebanthas · 2021-11-02T02:58:10+00:00

1

I haven't said or done anything inappropriate and the conversation wasn't remotely sexual at all. I've had conversations with women I've just met or recently met on the topic of sex and they never say that.

In a situation like this, provided that you have not been engaging in any physical escalation, these people are saying what they say because of whatever is going on in their head.

2

It's only randomly in the middle of a non-sexual conversation going well with a girl I just met, it's bizarrely specific. And it always instantly makes it awkward.

This is a good illustration of the fact that men do not have a monopoly on social awkwardness.

It also means that you are fully justified if this kind of thing turns you off. Often people who interact and awkward ways like this, aren't going to get any better the longer you know them.

3

I've always wondered if this specificly happens to other men. Don't know why women feel the need to go out of their way to be shitty though.

A lot of guys who've responded on this thread, are misidentifying the situation.

A.) Sometimes when two people get isolated and things physically escalate, the girl will say something like, "We're not having sex," as a way of pumping the brakes for a variety of reasons.

They may have had a sudden realization that they aren't quite comfortable with how far things have gotten yet. It could be a million other things.

Often people who pump the brakes like this in the 11th hour will come around if the guy backs off and keeps cool.

B.) But your situation is completely different.

By your own account, their comments are coming really early in the interaction.

You're still in early conversation.
There's been no physical escalation.
No sexual conversation.
You're not isolated with them at your place or hers.

These women are not attempting to be shitty. They are demonstrating massive insecurity. So much insecurity that they need to perceive your actions as so much of a full court press that they are driven to pump the brakes when it's completely unnecessary. It's like that College Humor sketch.

4

The issue here is that someone like this isn't going to get any easier to deal with. They will feel the need to read extra (and often incorrect) meaning into everything you say or do. It goes without saying that this kind of person is exhausting to deal with.

These are the stereotypical people who assume every comment means you're calling them fat, etc.

If you still wanted to try and go there even after they've demonstrated the potential for being an annoying dumpster fire, it would be at your own risk.

5

I'm glad to just be having a fun conversation with someone, but a simple "I'm not interested" or "I'm not flirting with you by the way" would suffice.

Any advice on a comeback next time this happens?

Honestly, we're talking about serious issues on the part of the other person.

A comeback is not going to fix them. It would take likely years of therapy.

You have two choices here really:

A.) Save yourself some time and energy by clarifying that they didn't have a good read on the situation and either friend zoning them or then moving on.

I have a friend who saves himself a lot of trouble by doing this. He has self-respect and doesn't have patience for people who jump to conclusions before he's even decided he's interested.

He was recently chatting up a girl at a swimming pool and she interrupted him to say that she wasn't interested in he laughed and said, "Wait, you thought I was hitting on you?"

B.) You can try and decode the insecure mess that you're likely dealing with.

In some ways it will be a little like shooting duck and a barrel, but the downside is that getting close enough to such a person to game them will also open you up to them screwing with your head.

The sex you might get wouldn't be worth it.

And heaven forbid, if you end up in a relationship, it would be dysfunctional AF.

Mc_Dickles · 2021-11-02T04:21:07+00:00

Why remove your post smh this was good conversation with my girl lol

mmmkaaaayyy · 2021-11-01T13:16:26+00:00

uh yeah, a few times, and then half the time we had sex. it's called denial and is done as a way for her to put the responsibility of sex on you, so she doesn't have to feel bad or have any culpability for it. but if she brings it up, it means she wants sex. you just make it happen.

Mymomdidwhat · 2021-11-01T16:05:44+00:00

You reply with, “ya us having sex probably isn’t a good idea, I agree.” Then after drop the topic completely. It will drive her up the wall lol

Petey0Wheatstraw · 2021-11-01T14:45:18+00:00

Next week it'll be " I never do this for anyone- Slurp Slurp Gluck Gluck Gulp"

ellaceh · 2021-11-01T12:13:00+00:00

this thread is full of the worst advice i’ve ever read in my life, hi, a woman here? if a woman says she doesn’t want to have sex with you, treating it as a challenge to change her words is a bit rapey, consent isn’t consent if it’s coerced, if she is saying it as a way of testing or playing games it’s not a common method known by all women, so it’s risky to assume, and i wouldn’t wanna fuck someone like that anyway they sound bad in bed. sex is good with communication, not mind games. i wish i had the confidence to outright say “i’m not gonna sleep with you” because the need arises far more frequently than i think men know, and many women are scared of making the man mad because too many of us have suffered those consequences. this thread is making it worse i swear to god because when a woman finally does have the bravery to draw a boundary men fire each other up and tell each other it’s an invitation. sometimes i think the majority of men assume everyone wants to have sex with them unless they don’t, meanwhile the majority of women have been sexually harassed if not assaulted/raped.

have you ever thought of asking these women why they would bring that up out of the blue? because i bet it’s not so random to her and if you have any respect for the women you’re giving your time to, you might want to hear their thoughts and opinions and impression of you from their experience, these strangers on the internet are not gonna know why a woman shoots you down, but the woman will, and pretending like it’s so random and bizarre is misogynistic. we are not sex puzzles to crack, we are not tests where the a+ is a blow job, we are not so confusing and crazy if you actually take the time to listen or ask. it’s absolutely insane to me that this thread has transpired the way it has but idk why when on a day to day basis i am repeatedly finding it necessary to dodge sex with strange men who don’t give a shit about anyone but themselves.

Luisalter · 2021-11-01T15:35:20+00:00

The only thing I can assert with certainty is that sex was in their minds. The rest is just speculation

20JC20 · 2021-11-01T17:23:15+00:00

I think women assume men are automatically trying to get them into bed when they’re having a good chat and women are continually sexualized and then unfortunately say that prob when it’s best not to say that as a way to make sure they don’t have to owe you their body just bc men secualize them so much so that they can’t even have a nice convo w a man without them trying get something out of them. So then they say that even if it comes off rude and awkward bc they’re so used to be used.

Idk just a thought

Hillman314 · 2021-11-01T13:32:25+00:00

It means she’s thinking about having sex with you / thinking about not having sex with you…. thinking about sex.

sneaker_hype · 2021-11-01T15:48:28+00:00

Just reply “good! You’re moms better in bed anyway!”

Talkinguitar · 2021-11-01T23:50:07+00:00

In my experience it is a shit test women do. It usually means she perceives there's sexual tension and want to know if you do too while not appearing eager.

It is a risky move beacause often the guy will take it literally and agree making it awkward. Dismissing it with a sarcastic "sure" or "of course" is the safest option and usually works well. If you're feeling daring something more articulate could work even better.

Hamadryaden · 2021-11-01T12:35:46+00:00

I experienced this one time and we ended up having sex. I asked her later why she did that and she was to keep the interest/flirty vibe.

Teamtoast · 2021-11-01T11:43:25+00:00

I think it’s a positive sign- a shit test. Quite an easy question for girls to ask to weed out the less confident guys

whiplash81 · 2021-11-01T11:15:45+00:00

It's a shit test, and it means you're doing something right.

Read all about it here - some really good responses by Todd V

https://www.toddvdating.com/pass-shit-test/

JennyConcinnity · 2021-11-01T13:40:05+00:00

Why is her being upfront about not wanting sex on a first day considered acting shitty to you?

Inked-Erotica · 2021-11-01T13:54:52+00:00

I’m not gonna lie, a lot of the advice saying to ignore what she’s saying sounds like it’s getting over into the predatory/rapey area. When somebody says no, you should listen.

I agree with the bits saying to not get pissy/upset about it, that quippy comebacks are awesome, and that sometimes ppl do change their mind, but she could also just not be interested in you like that (because, ya know, she explicitly stated that she’s not and in my experience grown women know how to use words). She could just be trying to be honest so you don’t catch feelings and wind up hurt later. Hell, I’ve seen what a huge pain it is for girls with close friends that have feelings but won’t take no for an answer, and I think it’s pretty fair of them to be vocal and straight forward about what they want or don’t want from the get go so they don’t get stuck in a really uncomfortable situation like that.

If you guys are having great conversations, then she probably wants to keep talking with you bc you seem like a really cool person and she wants to be friends. Just because she doesn’t want to have sex with you for whatever reason doesn’t mean you’re any less of a cool, wonderful, valuable person. I know that can be hard to remember, but number of partners or relationship status doesn’t equate to worth. I hope that helps with the not getting down on yourself bit. Best of luck bud

a-little-spice · 2021-11-01T14:23:43+00:00

Yes and then we ended up having sex. I think she was saying it more to her self obviously sex was on her mind and wanted to see how I’d react. I just laughed I told her I wasn’t that easy then we started flirting heavier and harder.

ItsAmon · 2021-11-01T15:16:25+00:00

No but the opposite happened

otivito · 2021-11-01T15:23:03+00:00

For me it was always a good sign.

Suspicious_Loan8041 · 2021-11-01T15:26:27+00:00

I hope when this happens, you make it a point to point out how out of place and random the statement is.

bfrog7427 · 2021-11-01T15:32:13+00:00

It's a shit test, more than likely.

coldbrew18 · 2021-11-01T16:29:33+00:00

Maybe something like “I don’t blame you, if I were as beautiful as you I wouldn’t fuck me either!”

It’s a bit of a joke, she’ll either chuckle and let the conversation continue (no sex) or chuckle and playfully argue with you (maybe sex).

north42g · 2021-11-01T16:35:21+00:00

I always just ask before she has a chance to. Make her laugh, engage in honest straightforward communication and just, “So, … Want to have sex later?” Followed by a “You’re crazy I like you, wanna get married?!”

GanjaToker408 · 2021-11-01T17:04:32+00:00

Everytime a woman has said this to me we have had sex sometime that week. As long as you keep your cool and act like you don't care about sex, the fact that she brought up sex is a good sign as it shows she is thinking about sex with you.

kittybrehbreh · 2021-11-01T20:10:08+00:00

If she says that, I’m remaining stoic. And she probably won’t get a call back unless she’s buying.

TechSetStudios · 2021-11-01T21:12:25+00:00

This is 100% a shit test, say “what no of course not we’ll just go back to your place and cuddle in your bed with oversized blankets”

Hot_Funny6531 · 2021-11-01T23:06:21+00:00

Any time a girl has said this to me I got laid

Fufflewaffle · 2021-11-01T12:04:29+00:00

Shes tryna fuck bro wyd

HughBeaumont500 · 2021-11-01T12:52:08+00:00

You should sigh really loud in relief...

Whew! That so refreshing to hear. I was considering to break my streak.

Go on with the conversation

cryptocat333 · 2021-11-01T13:11:13+00:00

You say, "Is that reverse psychology?"

Whatever she says reply with, "Ok then, you are not going to get laid with that attitude! Put out or get out. That's my motto."

ManagerIllustrious72 · 2021-11-01T14:05:46+00:00

This is anti-slut defense. Might be a good time to throw in a neg or a cocky funny remark as others have stated already "I'm not that easy" "good I don't want you falling for me" etc

eablokker · 2021-11-01T15:46:54+00:00

You can agree and escalate with a negative in the same way like "Of course, we're definitely not going to make sweet, passionate love. I'm not going to have you screaming with ecstasy all night until the sun comes up. We're just not going to do that."

TempAcc64 · 2021-11-01T11:39:22+00:00

Sounds like "I've never done this before..."

Domin8u315 · 2021-11-01T09:54:44+00:00

I do all the time so that they don’t waste their time or mine.

cryptocat333 · 2021-11-01T13:25:01+00:00

Be the Rated R guy, say this: "In the words of Ron Jeremy, 'Suck my dick!'"

Or

PG-13 guy: "Ok, no problem. We can play parcheesie instead of discussing ways to find higher feelings of erotic pleasure with each other.

I understand if you are not ready for this just yet.

Let's enjoy ourselves through abstainence!"

G rating:

"I need my mommy to approve of you."

Imo, the sweet spot is between rated R and PG-13. I think the premise of my post here is to just have fun with it. Girls play games and well you relax be yourself and reply in a way that's you!

Pariente99 · 2021-11-01T21:51:01+00:00

What kind of women are you going out with?

ayres88 · 2021-11-01T21:57:12+00:00

it means she's fuckable.

Rionic · 2021-11-01T19:16:48+00:00

tell her youre gonna jerk off and walk away and never talk to her again

mrreal01 · 2021-11-01T12:59:15+00:00

I would say, “we’ll see about that”

GaiusSherlockCaesar · 2021-11-01T14:13:44+00:00

It's often implied

Radon-222 · 2021-11-01T16:14:45+00:00

This other day, a girl thickeled me with a feather thinking it would make me wanna sleep with her

AruiMD · 2021-11-01T16:37:02+00:00

vlogster · 2021-11-01T16:43:12+00:00

I’ve never had that happen to me. It’s hard to give an answer. How would you describe yourself? Sorry am just trying to piece this together.

Armybert · 2021-11-01T17:02:34+00:00

Just remain confident and say ‘You wish! You can’t afford my services :) ’ and just have some sense of humor and play along like you charge a lot of money for sex for a living.

Big_Eye_6420 · 2021-11-01T17:02:37+00:00

Haha no wtf??

JoeyPeake · 2021-11-01T17:28:22+00:00

You need to respond with this: "What? of course I'd never have sex with you. I just knew you were the perfect candidate for my network marketing company (ponzi scheme/pyramid ect. if you want to be funny) Now, where was I before your blatantly unnecessary interuption... ah yes perfect segway into my pitch... insert funny fake company pitch for $65/month you get to..." Control the convo as if it was such a bad joke she made becuase clearly every lady wants to sleep with you is the mindset. Shrug that ish off dawg.

tree-stands · 2021-11-01T23:49:20+00:00

“Eww I’m not either.... I’m gay, don’t flatter yourself sweetie” and walk away or continue the conversation while she has an internal melt down that you just threw her crap back in her face and theres no insult she can hurl at you, because you just made claim to being a “protected person” 😉

cleetusneck · 2021-11-02T02:05:02+00:00

Yes. Usually when she is thinking about fucking me.

Title	Has a woman ever randomly said she doesn't want to have sex with you in the middle of a non-sexual conversation?
Author	JasonWwolf
Upvotes	535
Comments	329
Date	November 1, 2021 9:42 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/qkafit/has_a_woman_ever_randomly_said_she_doesnt_want_to/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/has-a-woman-ever-randomly-said-she-doesnt-want-to.1273156 https://theredarchive.com/post/1273156

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