Guys have you tried approaching women? Is it frowned upon now more than before?

Clear-Poet-9212 · 2024-04-28T12:26:08+00:00

I don't approach because I never heard any women irl say they like being approached, they all dislike random male attention. All the couples I know met their partner through uni or work

NockerJoe · 2024-04-28T15:18:53+00:00

I work in the film industry. I talk with male actors and models semi frequently and even there the biggest difference is they mostly just get their foot in the door way more often. They still get ghosted or rejected a lot. For dudes who aren't paid to be attractive your rejection rate is much higher.

If approaching someone has like a 90% plus rejection rate most reasonable people aren't really going to do it. Even if someone would eventually say yes, wading through a dozen no's will dissuade a lot of people.

Though public discourse doesn't really help. Young people on social media get a lot of Men are Trash content and women who complain about getting approached and this has been the norm on social media for like a decade by this point. But when you point this out you're mostly told theres nuance that is never actually articulated and that you should approach sometimes. But if that sometimes is landing you such a high rate of rejections on top of hostile messaging you probably won't keep doing it.

Common-Ferret-1435 · 2024-04-28T12:22:28+00:00

Of course it’s frowned upon. You can only do it at particular places and times. However women will never tell you when that place and time is, because it is absolutely dependent on the man to when it’s appropriate.

And some men have more appropriate places and times than others.

Southern_Fall983 · 2024-04-28T13:30:58+00:00

Why should men be a dancing monkey for a 1-2% success rate while the top 10% does nothing and gets everything

Southern_Fall983 · 2024-04-28T13:30:58+00:00

Why should men be a dancing monkey for a 1-2% success rate while the top 10% does nothing and gets everything

ta1901 · 2024-04-28T17:08:20+00:00

because the internet has told us to no end that it is akin to sexual harassment.

That is part of it.

The other part is the 95%+ rejection rate that men get IRL. Which is why I went with dating forums back in 2010. I could weed through people and reject some without talking to them. And try to find a better fit by talking to them for a a week before actually going on a date with them. How they write their profile and how they spell is important to me in finding a compatible SO. And I met some nice women there too!

I haven't found any research on this yet but I do see this with regularity on Reddit in the various relationship forums, about how men are tired of approaching women IRL.

Aafan_Barbarro · 2024-04-28T12:14:22+00:00

I am not attractive, so I don't approach, nor do I have any idea how to do it. I believe it's that simple for most of men who don't approach.

Independent-Mail-227 · 2024-04-28T13:44:22+00:00

Is just shit, a humiliation ritual that will just sink any self-esteem you have unless you dig yourself under seven layers of delusion.

MikeArrow · 2024-04-28T17:17:40+00:00

I've never approached anyone. I've been approached in a way that allowed me to understand that it was ok for me to initiate. But without the women taking that first step to give me the green light I would never show any sort of sexual interest first.

jpla86 · 2024-04-28T22:06:59+00:00

Hell no. According to women, approaching them makes you a creepy, rapist, axe-murdering serial killer. Yes it's frowed upon, it's considered sexual harassment now. Soon, talking to a them will be harassment as well and this isn't just what women online believe, it's women as a whole.

If they had their way, they'd make it a crime pusnishable by death or castration.

MattPayneWrestler · 2024-04-29T03:03:15+00:00

Yeah, women should really differentiate between what is harassment and what is acceptable ways to approach. But instead they just say all approaching is harassment, which just comes back and bites them in the ass. All they’ve done is create a filter that blocks out any decent man who actually respects women enough to not “harrass” them by their definition. That means more of guys who approaches them now are guys who don’t respect them and could careless if it harasses them. No wonder they always complain so much about how there are no good men now, oof.

Exciting-Parfait-776 · 2024-04-28T13:37:28+00:00

Yes it’s more frowned upon

19whale96 · 2024-04-28T16:24:11+00:00

Didn't do much approaching in my teens or early 20s, then that Gillette commercial came out, there were thinkpieces on the topic a year, that basically convinced me it was better for my reputation to stop approaching than trial-and-error my way into being competent at it.

wolfloveyes · 2024-04-28T13:46:46+00:00

Approaching won't work if you are unattractive male.

If you are part of top 20%, you don't need to approach.

The kind of woman who would respond to your approach when you are already top 20%, is the one you don't really want in your life.

Necessary-Ask-3619 · 2024-04-28T17:20:14+00:00

internet has told us to no end that it is akin to sexual harassment.

Correction. Women has told that.

What they didn't tell was there is an asterisk there. Applies to ugly or average guys only. Attractive 9 or 10 guys will rarely have any issue cold approaching irrespective of place & time.

SwaySh0t · 2024-04-28T16:16:34+00:00

It’s not as socially acceptable to do so now then It was back then. Now a days a women could like you/find you attractive but still reject your approach for a ego/self esteem boost. This was less likely to happen back then because women had less options.

thedarkracer · 2024-04-28T12:43:30+00:00

It depends on your face if you are a stranger. Otherwise if you know her like as a colleague and such it's better.

odd_cloud · 2024-04-29T00:14:36+00:00

When I was in high school, I approached two girls. The rejections discouraged me from approaching for a couple more years. During that period, no one showed interest in me. I decided that it may happen because I don't approach like other dudes do. So, I read some books and blogs and started approaching actively. After the 45th rejection, I stopped.

A couple of years later, I met a girl who showed clear interest in me, and we dated for a couple of years. Then, I met another girl who showed clear interest in me, and we dated for another couple of years.

I concluded that men like me rarely receive interest from women, so it's probably not a good idea to approach.

Legitimate_Type_1324 · 2024-04-28T12:52:03+00:00

I haven't approached a woman in decades.

Most of the times I read the room, interacted with everyone, saw who was giving me signals, interact a bit, retreat and have them show extra interest and do a little of the flirting.

Worked very well for me

lolthankstinder · 2024-04-28T16:59:06+00:00

I didn’t have my first kiss until college, and it was TWO random attractive women at a 18+ college club back to back in the same night. If you offered me a million dollars to try to get two attractive women to make out with me in a US club today I would not be able to do it. Times have definitely changed.

Thankfully unlike most men I was actually able to get some experience with women and escape inexperience. Because of that, I become more socially aware and able to notice when women seem uncomfortable and disinterested which… is pretty much all the time nowadays.

So to answer your question, I think women tend to perceive any unwanted attention as harassment, and women have more unrealistic initial standards of men today such that most attention is more likely to be unwanted. I stopped approaching not out of fear of that, but because of greater social awareness to it. Why waste time approaching when you can already detect the vanity and contempt?

ComfortableJeans · 2024-04-28T12:36:08+00:00

I haven't gone up to random women on the street or in pubs or whatever, but I've had it done to me by women.

I have a bunch of issues with approaching. Both logistically and personal.

For personal, I wasn't raised very lovingly. To keep it brief, I don't look at myself positively. Even if I've had women coming up to me to talk, I still don't feel as though they'd want someone like me to come up to them and start talking to them.

Logistically, finding someone who you can build a special connection with is RARE. The odds of finding that person by running up or randos in the street is like playing the lottery. The odds are so stacked against you that you're just waisting time that you could be spending doing other things. And I feel like the types of girls I'm into, don't really feel into getting run up on in the street.

I should have prefaced this by saying that without a strong emotional bond, I don't want to fuck a girl anyway. If that connection isn't there, don't bother me. I only do sexual relationships IN relationships.

I'm 6'3, I imagine most girls don't want some big, looming guy hanging over them when they know nothing about me, other than the soul reason I'm there is because I want to fuck them, because if you're approaching women in the street, the only reason is because you saw them and thouught they looked fuckable. It's not as if you could know anything about them other than that.

And if your only interest is in fucking as many randoms as you can, either cast a WIDE net on Tinder or some other dating app, or fuck as many prostitutes as you want. Both of those will give you higher success rates, lower emotional risks, and less stress than running up on randoms.

If you're looking to fuck randoms, just jump on Tinder. This obsession with approaching just seems to exist because some men have gotten it in their heads that if they go around approaching women in puiblic, they must be some kind of alpha chad pussy slayer.

Approaching just seems like it would be ineffective Tinder.

SillyMushroomTip · 2024-04-28T13:48:58+00:00

Use to cold approach back in the early 2000s when PUA was big. Back then there was a chance if you asked for a girls number with a confident approach, then there was a good chance you could connect.

Now 24 years later, you can't approach a woman without the potential being labeled a creep. Now it's a case if your not a certain looks threshold then your most likely going to fail. That's the hard truth now

SsRapier · 2024-04-28T18:25:11+00:00

Hell no. Im fucking ugly. Not a chance

AutoModerator · 2024-04-28T12:11:15+00:00

Attention!

You can post off topic/jokes/puns as a comment to this Automoderator message.
For "Debate" and "Question for X" Threads: Parent comments that aren't from the target group will be removed, along with their child replies.
If you want to agree with OP instead of challenging their view or if the question is not targeted at you, post it as an answer to this comment.
OP you can choose your own flair according to these guidelines., just press Flair under your post!

Thanks for your cooperation and enjoy the discussion!

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

Breaker1617554 · 2024-04-28T18:58:46+00:00

Nah. I don’t approach because I know my value as a potential partner. Zippo.

tomundrwd · 2024-04-29T03:52:34+00:00

Whether it's appreciated or considered harassment is entirely down to your looks.

kvakerok_v2 · 2024-04-30T13:32:01+00:00

I don't have a problem with approaching, but I'm my area they're predominantly overweight by 26, so a complete turnoff.

Pacman124 · 2024-04-28T13:44:25+00:00

No i'm not

DarayRaven · 2024-04-28T15:24:28+00:00

This will entirely depend on the region

In many regions such as mine, you can always approach in social venues such the club,parties etc

cromulent_weasel · 2024-04-28T21:24:50+00:00

There’s one claiming 50% of men never approach women but he says the sample is not big enough to reach any conclusion. What are your impressions?

I'm in that 50%. Currently in a relationship but she approached me.

Infinite_Street6298 · 2024-05-03T05:48:28+00:00

Oh yeah, I approach women every time I go out with my buddies. I just try to banter or socialize, usually it's fine but I find women and honestly people in general post-COVID are very fucking a-social compared to what I remember. Women seem uptight or nonplussed, and most so called "social" settings near where I live are so closed off, with barely anyone actively mingling. Or maybe I'm just an ugly asshole now? Both?

tadL · 2024-04-28T12:29:46+00:00

It's as simple as it was in the past.

She will make sure that I see her so I can make the move or I tell a gorgeous woman that she is gorgeous. And I leave. If she is interested she will come to me.

It worked like a charm 20 plus years ago and it works like a charm today. And the beautiful women are still in the same age range.

Honestly no clue what problems you all have. Stop wasting time on a console ( you should have stopped with that with 16 anyway because it's a child toy and you are not a child anymore)

Stay away from the girls that are just good for sex. Go for the good girls.

Ok that changed. It's much easier to know if the girl is a good girl from far. The red flags are so easy to spot. She will carry one major red flag on her hand. If it's an iPhone don't go for her. Simple. She on Instagram / tiktok just be careful. She posts herself just leave.

Good girls are plenty. Just open your damn eyes.

And before ppl shows up to throw the shame game at me. No it won't work.

AHH the downvotes 🥱🥱🥱🥱

illusoryfindings · 2024-04-28T12:56:34+00:00

The internet says it's frowned upon but the internet's like that about every little thing. I personally do a lot of approaching and it has only ever been a net positive in my life.

I approach in cafes, stores, parks, the gym, anywhere. Sometimes it's well received and sometimes people aren't up for it, it's around 50%. Some girls see it as annoying because you're just not attractive to her, others appreciate the boldness of it because, as you said, guys don't do it anymore.

I approach men too, and older people, not because I want to fuck, but if someone looks interesting to me or I think they might make a good friend, I want to meet them. I'm not especially attractive but I'm very socially calibrated and extraverted, I just like talking to people. And I've made all sorts of friends I otherwise wouldn't have made had I not been so open and initiative of talking to strangers.

I live in a country where it isn't normal for strangers to connect like that, so in the beginning it felt like a big deal and I was all nervous and shifty, which absolutely did not help lmfao. Every rejection felt personal, especially from women. But the more repetitions I did, the more I realized the rejections don't actually matter that much, and the smoother I got with it.

If you've ever worked in sales, you'll know what this is like. The vast majority tell you to fuck off, but in that sea of fuck offs there's a handful of rock solid clients that make it all worth it.

Years ago I was a completely isolated shut-in with severe social anxiety, and the thing that initially got the ball rolling for me was talking to random people at my gym while internally managing a big panic attack. It was a process. I started with old people, then dudes, then ugly women, and then eventually pretty women. I just saw it as a workout to improve my social skills. Every approach was a rep.

I met a pretty girl in the store last wednesday, and took her out on friday. We had a wonderful time. I'm not going to stop doing this, and anyone who tells you not to do this is just projecting their bad experiences with pushy, annoying, and creepy people onto you.

Why rob yourself of the opportunity to meet cool new people just because it might make someone mildly uncomfortable for all of a 1 minute interaction? As long as you're respectful, that's on them, not you.

Myagooshki2 · 2024-04-28T13:32:07+00:00

If you're just talking to them about normal topics and occasionally flirting and kinoing then nobody cares. If you go up to women and be like OMG YOU'RE SO BEAUTIFUL not everybody likes that. It's a much higher risk strategy for sure and in my experience much less rewardful. Aside from obvious logistical and subconscious romantic stuff, the best advice really is to be yourself. Talk about things you want to talk about. You meet more compatible women that way. Assuming you're not always immediately diving into niche shit. But for example you can totally get with smart college chicks talking about shit like geography and history, etc, much more so than if you call them beautiful or whatever

SlowEffective8146 · 2024-04-28T13:46:18+00:00

I don't think it's less frowned upon at all. There's definitely a time and place for approaching, and also a way to do it that doesn't come off as douchey/unfriendly. It's definitely an acquired skill and not everyone is built for it.

treadmarks · 2024-04-28T15:17:29+00:00

If I'm crossing paths with an attractive woman I'll try to start a conversation, but most of the time they don't want to talk. I'm more confident than I've ever been so I'll do it when it's easy, like I would never cross a room to talk to a woman. Even then, it's probably not worth the effort.

WesleyFRM · 2024-04-28T12:59:10+00:00

I have. There are a lot of cute girls on my campus and I have tried approaching a few. I have been told that Im overrating them but idk. I dont do it too often tho. I think it is frowned up more now but I want a gf and apps dont work for guys like me so I have to do it. I do have some self esteem issues and talk myself out of doing it most times but I am working on it. I havent had a bad rejection yet so Im glad for that. I do think guys are doing it less nowadays tbh

Solondthewookiee · 2024-04-28T13:44:31+00:00

I have the impression that men are not approaching women anymore because the internet has told us to no end that it is akin to sexual harassment.

This is a major exaggeration.

Women have pointed out that they are often bombarded by men approaching them without regard as to whether it is appropriate or the woman is even interested. Like just imagine if every time you stepped out the door, Jehovah's Witnesses would try to talk you about our lord and savior. Go to the gym, Jehovah's Witness has a Watchtower for you. Go to the grocery store, Jehovah's Witness asks if you've prepared for the coming of God's Kingdom. Walking down the street, Jehovah's Witness wants to know if you've thought about the afterlife. Riding the subway with headphones while reading a book, Jehovah's Witness taps you on the shoulder and asks you to take your headphones off so they can start reading Bible verses at you.

How long would it take before you'd say "can these fucking Jehovah's Witnesses just leave me alone?"

Cold approaching isn't inherently bad, but most guys do it badly. It requires the ability to read the situation, read the person, and to be interesting with basically no information. If you're not able to do that, especially the first two, then cold approaching is probably not for you.

NeonCityNights · 2024-04-28T12:43:29+00:00

When done correctly, it is fine and can still work like it always has. The harassment you read about is caused by men approaching incorrectly and making the woman feel afraid/threatened/uncomfortable.

Jazzlike_Worth_9908 · 2024-04-28T13:15:24+00:00

Given how rare it has become it is now seen in a better light than ever before

Title	Guys have you tried approaching women? Is it frowned upon now more than before?
Author	_RichardHendricks_
Upvotes	25
Comments	247
Date	April 28, 2024 12:11 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1cf4xug/guys_have_you_tried_approaching_women_is_it/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/guys-have-you-tried-approaching-women-is-it.1516685 https://theredarchive.com/post/1516685

Comments