Truth being friends with lots of girls may also be a negative. Especially if none of them are attracted to you.

kirils9692 · 2024-09-20T16:02:36+00:00

Hard disagree. The types of guys that don't seem to be struggling in this day and age are the ones with robust social circles, with both lots of male and female friends. They're going to have deep extended social networks from which they can potentially meet partners, and are going to be invited to lots of parties which are the best places to approach women, because you're basically guaranteed a warm reception.

Affectionate_Cat1512 · 2024-09-20T18:27:29+00:00

I'm friends with people, because I like them. Men or women.

Having said that - not a single female friend tried to introduce me to any of their friends. Why? I don't know. If they like me then I guess I am a likeable guy.

Main_Aside_3072 · 2024-09-20T15:25:18+00:00

Used to work in interior design. There were like 12 women and 3 guys. Agree on the you'll be seen as "one of the girls" part.

"A male friend" and "somebody who she finds attractive" 99% of the times are two different types of men. I even remember when we "hang out" their husbands/boyfriends were seldom around, unless there was some heavy social event to "show his husband off".

It was still a good way to learn more about women, they are as nasty and superficial (i'd say more superficial) as men, they just are 100 times better at hiding it.

driggsky · 2024-09-20T16:23:20+00:00

Its only a negative if you dont have enough male friends and also if you refuse to capitalize. Beings friends with chicks is a huge plus in general because most social events outside of gaming w the bros, playing sports w the bros, or gymming is better with a nice mix of males and females

And you can meet females more easily if you have 5-10 female friends

Corbast7 · 2024-09-20T16:16:24+00:00

Nah I think it’s a green flag if a guy has a stable mixed gender friend group. It signals that they probably understand women and are trustworthy enough, since it’s very likely that he’s not trying to fuck his friends.

Because IME if a guy is secretly trying to fuck his female friends, the women usually pick up on that eventually and stop associating with him as much. So if he can keep female friends around, it’s a good sign. Social proof and all that.

BluePillUprising · 2024-09-20T15:41:53+00:00

I found the opposite to be true. Having a large circle of mixed sex friends who are comfortable around you provides amble opportunities for hook ups and “with benefits” type of affairs.

rustlerhuskyjeans · 2024-09-20T16:19:04+00:00

I know this guy that hosts cool parties, has all these hot women that know him and hang out with him all the time. He just don’t have that edge and all those beautiful women never get with him. He’s not gay at all either.

One girl was asked if you hang with him so you’ve hooked up right? She freaked out like it was the most embarrassing thing and was like “hell no.”

The reason it’s so bad because all these dozens girls she knows have said pass on him, to her that makes him worse than an ugly incel as an option. You can’t let other girls openly know so many other girls don’t like you like that, it’s a sexual death sentence. He’d be way better off he had sex with every girl he hung out with, than none of them.

Gravel_Roads · 2024-09-20T15:19:00+00:00

Bro… the reason you make friends is because you like someone and enjoy hanging out with them.

If you’re looking at someone and trying to gauge what USE you can get out of someone, you’re actually saying “I’m a terrible friend” not “being friends with women is bad.”

SadCahita · 2024-09-21T04:40:53+00:00

Amount of girls I have witnessed to help her guy friend to get laid, get a job, start a business with, or something as simple as a free ride: 0

MaterialOk6309 · 2024-09-20T16:19:55+00:00

I'd reject such woman in the first place. Instead of affirming stupid female behavior, we should stand against it and try to reproduce with outliers as much as possible. For a relationshio to happen, men's consent needed too. So, stop being so gynocentric and dictate a better paradigm.

Fun_Push7168 · 2024-09-20T17:03:13+00:00

I mean yes, if you're too close you can fall into being socially castrated.

Nobody said become their gay bestie.

Hell I'll add to it, if they're too close they're also a little intimidating and quite possibly an interference to potential partners.

However it doesn't mean having female friends is a bad idea. It does work out quite well.

This is where you need to be selective. The big mistake is either becoming the gay bestie or trying to fuck every one you think is attractive.

In terms of potential romantic partners think of it like land management. I have a few trees. I could chop them down to burn for warmth or leave them be and plant their seeds for more trees. Hell I can even take just a branch or two, but risk killing the tree.

I have hot female friends who also think I'm hot but they wouldn't make good girlfriends....instead of fucking them I hang out with them when we go out. We're good friends but they aren't my best buddies. Theyve always done wonders for me as far as getting my foot in the door with other women, in a variety of ways.

It's not why I'm friends with them, but this is how it works out.

BluePillUprising · 2024-09-20T15:47:19+00:00

In OP’s world there are those suckers who are nice to people that they want to fuck and the chads who treat the people they want to fuck with disdain and indifference.

I wonder if there is a way of interacting with other people on the basis of their individual humanity and assessing their suitability for intimacy based on that?

flipsidetroll · 2024-09-20T15:42:34+00:00

Your taste in friends is no reflection on everyone else’s.

I’m not attracted to any of my male friends. But I have introduced 3 to friends and 2 of them are now in ltr. The other lasted about a year but they broke up. Just because I’m not attracted to them doesn’t mean other women aren’t attracted to them, and then being single doesn’t mean they can’t be introduced to other women.

For the gazillionth time, women do not think like men. Stop making out like we go. YOU are the ones who crave for their friends to think your partner is hot. I don’t give a shit if my friends are attracted to my partner. It only matters that I am. I’m not attracted to any of my friends husbands or partners. Yet amazingly, they didn’t dump their husbands or partners because I didn’t say I wanted to jump their husbands. (Sarcasm).

You keep chasing your tail and you keep missing. You never prove your point because it’s always an emotional thing or something you experienced. That is not rational or factual.

StruggleMuffin75 · 2024-09-20T15:01:17+00:00

I've never really seen attractive women befriend sexually unattractive men.

I've seen them on pleasant enough acquaintance level, I've seen sexually unattractive men follow them around like lost puppies while the woman is too soft to tell him to go away, and I've seen them be "friends" in as much as they're actually friends with an attractive man that she's friends with and the unattractive man comes as a bundle.

But never true, platonic friends with a sexually unattractive man.

Sharp_Engineering379 · 2024-09-20T15:07:49+00:00

Your friends are platonic, why are you trying to date women who aren’t attracted to you?

Go out with your friends and meet new people.

kvakerok_v2 · 2024-09-24T00:27:24+00:00

WTF are you doing, mate? You're supposed to be seen in public with them, not talk about dumb books behind closed doors. Even I with my neurospicyness could figure it out. They're your launch platform, NOT your dating pool or social circle. Jesus H Christ, no wonder y'all single and sexless.

ThatBitchA · 2024-09-20T15:42:25+00:00

Women use other women's connection to verify and vouch for a man.
Some people will find you attractive. Some people won't. It's pretty obvious. Not every woman will find you attractive.
We don't introduce to our acquaintances or friends because they dude is weird or creepy or nobody I know is interested in dating someone.

The guy who goes to book club is definitely getting laid. Nothing sexier than a man who reads and can discuss his thoughts about a book afterward.

Nobody calls straight men, "one of the girls".

PurplePillDebate-ModTeam · 2024-09-20T15:09:39+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Didgeridewd · 2024-09-20T16:55:38+00:00

Definitely not. Especially when it comes to relationships a big positive for women is when a man has female friends. It shows that he views women as more than just objects of sex and attraction and can hold conversations with them, which is obviously important for relationships.

If youre talking strictly about 1 night stands, then maybe?? But also those types of encounters tend to be with people you dont know very well, so they wouldnt know much about youre friends either way

GhostXmasPast342 · 2024-09-20T20:08:43+00:00

You can have a number of women as friends and hang out with them. Collaboratively, if one doesn’t want you they will all eventually not want you. The one that is attracted to you will be disswayed by the other women and then she will lose interest in you as well. It’s very rare for the one woman to stand her ground for the dude that the rest aren’t interested in. Once you are friend zoned by the group, then you are done. The single friend introductions dry up and if you stay too long in that circle you will become the simp. They will hang out with you and essentially you will become one of the girls. Guys try to have this relationship with the hopes that one can go from simp to pimp but this never happens because they have already friend zoned you. It’s best to ditch them and start all over again.

obviousredflag · 2024-09-21T07:23:15+00:00

So the solution is: be friends with lots of women who are way below you in mate value. Have a ONS with one of them, and then go on to profit from all the social proof and herd-mindedness of women.

berichorbeburied · 2024-09-20T14:58:45+00:00

Being friends with women leading to success is a myth

From personal experience I speak

Also men and women are not the same

Meaning that just because women value friendships and social connections personally does NOT mean a man having friendships and social connections with women will make that man attractive

Simply put having female friends or women who like you as a person will not get women to want you to fuck them

The focus is on attraction

You have to attract women

This will lead you to having sex or relationships

Not friends. Not social connections. Not etc

The more you listen to what women say and not what they do

The more confused and lost and angry you’ll be

TLDR :

My disagreement with your post

Is

your listening to what women say and not what they do
You are judging attraction based on either what women say they want or do amongst themselves
You then kind of imply to do the opposite which my opinion is it’s not a solution because it was never about what they say they want anyway. You have to watch who they choose. What they do. Who they are attracted to. Women are known liars. Whether you call it virtue signaling or keeping group cohesion or however you want to phrase it. They lie. Just watch what they do.

Solondthewookiee · 2024-09-20T15:09:07+00:00

Maybe the key is to be friends with people without wondering how it will get you laid?

jay_de-leon · 2024-09-20T14:55:07+00:00

No real man would settle with being friends with women that he’s attracted to. The friendship can only work if the women he’s friends with are unattractive and he has no sexual interest in them.

justsomelizard30 · 2024-09-20T16:40:17+00:00

They're relaxed around him because they assume he knows his place and wont try anything.

He's most likely there because he's married lets get real.

IdiAminD · 2024-09-20T15:58:46+00:00

Being friends with women have 0 impact on your attractiveness. Women do not want to live with and fuck your friends

Fickle_Friendship296 · 2024-09-20T17:02:55+00:00

Man, what I’m getting here with this is that the ultimate goal is to be a fuck boi with no strings attached and that vibing with women on everyday activities is wack?

I always tell guys this: go outside, walk down a busy sidewalk, how many women catch your eye that you’ll want to go up to and talk to? Probably no more than 2 out like 40. Yup guys are picky too, it’s just guys are more desperate; that’s what balances the scales.

Trust me, that book club guy is low key getting checked over Mr. fuq boi. Cool calm confidence and a bit of quirkiness will get you the ladies.

Women are more subtle in showing interest, even the ones who are into you are hesitant to show a lot.

My own experiences has shown this time and time again.

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NeighborhoodSenior14 · 2024-09-20T18:14:21+00:00

I don't understand number three. Introduce you to her acquaintances for what purpose?

wtknight · 2024-09-20T20:54:36+00:00

A man is fine having female friends as long as he knows how to flirt with them.

RepresentativeKoala3 · 2024-09-20T22:47:12+00:00

My experience has been that having deeper friendships with women boosts my confidence and gives me a greater understanding of and empathy for prospective partners.

Being part of a predominately female group doesn't do as much, even though it can be nice to feel like you have options. It's similar to online dating in which you see someone visually, but you have to go through more steps to actually connect with them. From what I've seen, at least one woman will give you a shot if you follow rules 1 & 2. If not, or if the first one doesn't work out, then it can be difficult like you describe.

themfluencer · 2024-09-21T02:21:15+00:00

My boyfriend is truly one of the girls and I love him for it. It rocks that he’s a good friend and an empathetic listener 💗

Lightinthebottle7 · 2024-09-22T09:16:49+00:00

What? Okay, uhm.

No
Definately no
...what?

Also, if you are friends with someone because you want something from them, is it really you being friends with them?

Silver_Switch_3109 · 2024-09-22T17:21:51+00:00

If none of your female friends have any attraction towards you, and they are straight, then you aren’t an attractive man and not having them as friends wouldn’t do anything for you.

EugeneCezanne · 2024-09-22T18:24:48+00:00

Disagree. It's just about being attractive. No point complicating it further.

If you're attractive, you can discuss Atwood in book club every week and still date everyone in it. You can have your friends, relax with them, and everything else, and still wind up sleeping with half of them within a year.

Moreover, even if you don't sleep with your friends (a valid choice), showing up everywhere with them gives you "social proof" for every other woman you haven't met yet.

But by far the main reason to be friends with women is that they're your friends. You get to hang out with them and you like hanging out with them.

If one of them doesn't find you attractive, good chances are others wont either.

In my experience, outside of the few objectively fantastic-looking men, women rarely agree on the attractiveness of each other's crushes/boyfriends/etc.

Flimsy_Incident3226 · 2024-09-22T23:51:15+00:00

I would say I agree with this. Coming from a girl, when I see a guy with tons of female friends it just screams feminine to me. And #2 is definitely true. When one of my friends in our group slept with an international student we talked about him for weeks. We never talk about our close male friends like that.

Nyanpireeee · 2024-09-28T02:52:39+00:00

There’s a difference between being friends and being in a talking stage/having a crush. If you’re really, genuinely, just friends then it should not matter AT ALL what she thinks of your physical appearance. If you want to be more than friends, that’s a crush. Someone can be a crush and a friend, but if you cut her off after she rejects you, she was never really a friend of yours, she was just a crush. Friendship is about enjoying time together without romantic strings attached.

fluttertutt · 2024-09-20T16:03:20+00:00

You shouldn't be friends with women simply as a tactic to sleep with them or their friends. They deserve friends who genuinely value their friendships. And sure, it will benefit you in the sense that you will develop social skills with women, but we are not your wingman. We are just people.

MiddleZealousideal89 · 2024-09-20T17:52:48+00:00

I've noticed the opposite. Men I know who have had social circles that included women throughout their life have done well for themselves in terms of dating - they've had several relationships, and they're currently in a LTR, engaged or married. The few people I know who hung out with dudes all the time are still the same awkward weirdos who can't hang out with a woman without trying to hit on her in the most desperate way possible.

All of this is completely anecdotal but it's not like OP has provided anything more than his shower thoughts, so meh, I'm just matching his effort.

TheoreticalResearch · 2024-09-20T16:24:15+00:00

So… Are you only friends with people if you think it’ll help get you laid?

Do you have friends?

SaBahRub · 2024-09-20T16:35:25+00:00

Sure, if your main goal is getting laid

MistyMaisel · 2024-09-20T18:07:53+00:00

I'm not attracted to the vast majority of my guy friends, I'm always trying to get them a woman tho. Just cuz he ain't my yum, doesn't mean he's a yuck or that other women I know wouldn't think he's a yum. I'm out here trying to get all my friends settled and happy.

If you're not on the radar, it isn't because of your book club choices, dude. It's because you ain't making your intentions and goals clear. Even if I'm not into a dude, if I know he's looking for a woman (with the right intentions of course, I do not facilitate hook ups), I will do what I can to draw on my social web to help him find one.

LateKate96 · 2024-09-20T16:53:50+00:00

What an L take. How about you alienate all of the women in your life (no more female friends) and see how that goes for you lol

TomCatoNineLives · 2024-09-20T20:38:33+00:00

Disagree with all except point number (1). Women by a certain point of development can acknowledge and understand that their own attraction is individualistic and subjective. (This is the core difference between the female and male gaze: the acceptance of diversity and individuality as to what's attractive. Ironically, men are the "herd minded" ones in that they project their own desires onto women and assume that women's attraction is as objective and uniform as men's often is.) A woman can more easily understand that even if a man isn't for her, he might be great for one of her friends. To the extent that this isn't true, you're dealing with very immature and herd-minded women, most likely ones who are mostly interested in men as trophies to impress their friends.

Also, one major advantage of being friends (actually being friends) with lots of women is that you communicate that you are safe, in the sense that women don't regard you as personally threatening to them. That is a major and omnipresent threshold consideration for women in evaluating men: is this guy potentially dangerous or creepy?

Disastrous-Chart-928 · 2024-09-20T16:45:14+00:00

I would find this odd, I don't like men with feminine energy. I don't really trust a lot of these kinds of friendships in general, my boyfriend has an ex friend that literally said he pretends to be a bit of a 'soft boy' to win over girls.

I did hear about my boyfriend from women and they only had nice things to say, this was a turn on but he definitely wouldn't have been close friends with them, just helped them out with stuff at some point.

IHaveABigDuvet · 2024-09-21T12:24:54+00:00

Women in your social circle can vouch for you to women out of your social circle. That’s the benefit of having female friends.

Realistic-Ad-1023 · 2024-09-20T21:56:00+00:00

My partner has many woman friends. So much so that he was regularly called gay in high school.

He fucks. Well, he used to. Until we became monogamous. And none of my friends are even a little bit attracted to him. I just am. He’s the sexiest man in the world to me.

I think you guys take social proof a little too far. Maybe women who run in similar circles tend to have similar interests and tastes? And we know people who look similar tend to befriend each other. It’s why there is such a thing as the duff of a friend group. So if you’re a safe but homely man - you may just have hotter girl friends. Maybe they’re just not your league.

And i always introduce my single male friends to single female friends. I talk them up, say great things about them, throw in something that she would find desirable - but sometimes they just don’t like him. Sometimes my single girl friends are hotter than my single male friends. Sometimes my male friend bombs the meeting. I have one example where my male friend said something about roofying the girl - it was so weird. I get why she wasn’t interested after that. Sometimes they’re just not compatible. It happens.

A varied social circle helps to meet people and to go out in groups where you can meet people and approaching is normal but also - it gives you the female perspective. So you’re able to see how women think, interact with each other, aren’t all evil succubi coming to steal your potential children. They can also help with dating apps. I help my male friends constantly. It’s a lot of fun.

Title	Truth being friends with lots of girls may also be a negative. Especially if none of them are attracted to you.
Author	Babyface_Bogart
Upvotes	96
Comments	257
Date	September 20, 2024 2:48 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1fldthv/truth_being_friends_with_lots_of_girls_may_also/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/truth-being-friends-with-lots-of-girls-may-also-be.1530880 https://theredarchive.com/post/1530880

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