Men complain that women don’t have empathy for their dating struggles, and they’re right — many women assume it isn’t that hard for men to get dates. That blind spot absolutely has negative consequences for men.

But I think it’s worth looking at what’s behind women’s assumptions. Because while there is a blind spot about male struggle, there’s also a positive assumption baked in: competence.

Most women, when meeting a man or even chatting online, assume he has a certain level of romantic and social competence as a baseline lens. They assume that adult men have a certain understanding of women and how to get one. Perhaps this is the apex fallacy and again, even though it comes with negative consequences for men, a positive aspect of this is that women will often assume a man knows what he’s doing.

Attraction feeds off respect and trust. If what’s being presented instead looks like confusion, bitterness, or helplessness to harder to feel attraction. This is why pity and attraction rarely coexist. Women may feel sorry for someone, but this feeling is mutual exclusive with desire.
And since men often accuse women of lying about what we really think, I’ll be direct here: I don’t think women having more pity for you would have the desired outcome.

** I am talking about women you.just met. I'm not saying that men can't be vulnerable with women they are already in a committed relationship with