No one cares about men

Big_Salary784 · 2026-05-27T12:46:57+00:00

That feeling of being surrounded by people who either don't notice or secretly don't mind you struggling that's one of the most specific and brutal parts of going through this as a man.

You're not paranoid. A lot of male friendships aren't built for this. They were built for good times, not for sitting in the dark with someone.

One move: find one person just one and tell them directly: "I'm not doing well and I need someone to check in on me." Most men never say it that plainly. The ones worth keeping will show up.

You're seen here. That's a start.

Odd-Zone-2635 · 2025-11-30T18:19:17+00:00

This is the "Man in the Arena" moment, and your post is the gospel truth for half the men on this sub. You are articulating the painful moment of truth when you realize the social contract was conditional.

The Support Collapse

What you're feeling is not that people hate you; it's that your wife was the unpaid CEO of your social life. She ran the calendar, hosted the events, managed the couple-friends, and served as your primary emotional confidant. When she leaves, all those connections default to her, and the massive vacuum you feel is the sudden loss of that emotional and social infrastructure.

The Identity Crisis

You feel like you've lost your identity because you did exactly what society told you to do: you defined yourself as a reliable husband and father. When the 'husband' prism shatters, you have to decide, "Who is [Your Name/Username] outside of that?"

The Path Forward

Build Your Own Support: You need your own scaffolding. This means actively scheduling man-dates with friends (even if they feel awkward). Don't wait for the phone to ring; make the calls.

Find "Your Thing": Get a hobby or activity that is completely yours (not for the kids or the old marriage). Gym, martial arts, wood-working, coding—something where you meet new, unrelated people and build competence.

The Kids are the Anchor: You said it yourself: they are the reason. Let the kids be the compass that keeps you grounded, but the rebuilding needs to be for you, so you can be a better, more whole man for them.

It's a brutal reality check, but the strength you find now—the ability to pick yourself up and find a new way—will be the foundation of your new, independent, and better life. You will find that way.

Checkyopoop · 2025-11-23T00:20:01+00:00

In my brief experience , currently going through one divorce, its not so much that people dont care about you. Is that they do care, but your situation is so fucked up/uncomfortable, borderline nuisance to the people that check on you. Because they have other 5 or 6 daily or life compromises they have to figure out. They cant handle your baggage.

So its kind of like. "Reach out man" and then you feel them going "yikes thaas fucked up. actually my little kid is calling he needa smth, catch you later"

I dont actually despise them for this. It just is. Fucked up.

ApprehensiveDoubt969 · 2025-11-22T18:32:03+00:00

Im still working on picking myself up. The loud screams in my head have turned more to a dull ache. Hopefully some day it disappears all together

Asian_Rear_Entry0831 · 2025-11-12T12:48:29+00:00

After my divorce, my ex wife told me that she asked my son (before she decided to divorce) what his opinion was and that he sided with her in that she should be happy.

It’s now been 15 years that I closed all connections, contact and relationship with both of them and it was their decision to betray and abandon me.

Since then I moved away to the other side of the country. Started a new life and a new family. I have moved forward with my life.

When people don’t care for you, show any empathy towards you but only for themselves then it’s time for change in order to survive. Be strong!

distractyourface · 2025-11-05T05:59:32+00:00

Man I’m stuck here but instead my spouse invited my mother to stay indefinitely against my consent. Then after six days switched it up with my father in law because she was going to look at rentals. Then two days in said she’s not sure she wants to move out and FIL is staying indefinitely. At least I have the master bedroom because she was too stubborn to stick with original plan of me moving in the basement. I swear she’s trying to break me but cannot let her as we have a 5 year old involved too.

DivorceBro · 2025-11-04T19:44:48+00:00

If you're like I was, when you're married, most of your friends are married too, and you don't know many divorced people. And then, when you get divorced, married friends don't reach out - probably for a couple reasons. First, since they've never been through divorce, they don't know how hard it is. They don't understand what a complete reinvention of life it requires, and how emotionally tumultuous it is. Second, they're afraid that divorce is "contagious," and they may be right. Research from the Pew Research Center found that having a friend get divorced increases the chances of you getting divorced by around 75%. So if you're getting divorced, you definitely have to prioritize building your own community to get through it. When I got divorced, I signed up for a brief divorce recovery program. The program was useful, but more importantly, there's a group of about 10 of us that have seen each other at least once a week for more than two years now. They're my closest friend group, and I didn't know any of them before I got divorced. So find some good people and start building your new friend group. I would suggest NOT doing this is a bar - find some healthy activities and meet new people that way. Maybe a divorce recovery program like I did, or may be some recreational sports or hobbies. Maybe a religious community. There are people who will support you - especially people who have been through divorce themselves. You just have to find them.

Strict_Progress7876 · 2025-11-03T20:12:09+00:00

Lesson learned.

Far-Neighborhood-663 · 2025-11-02T19:56:38+00:00

This sentiment of feeling abruptly lonely after separation is so familiar to me. I was lucky we only cohabited for about a month before she moved out, so I didn’t have the stress of that, but after having moved out to my own place it did feel like I was waiting for people to notice that I was alone and life had shit on me a bit, and that I expected my friends to reach out. I’m currently 6 months into separation. They mostly didn’t and it was my expectation that was wrong.

More recently I’ve just gone out and done stuff I wanted to do for ages, and I’m seeing how it goes. I’m also allowing myself to roll with the punches. If I have a lonely week that’s fine, I just try and change something up for the next time I get a chance to socialise. It isn’t easy with everything else you’ll go through, but I’ve been surprised at old friends getting back in contact, people I barely knew suddenly being best buddies and how many of the folk I thought were super close have just evaporated into thin air 🤷. But I’ve had to do most of the running.

Good luck, be you, find things to enjoy in life and be tough when it’s not working. Sending positivity from the UK 👊.

Few-Mountain · 2025-11-01T18:25:27+00:00

Hi mate, been there done that. Watch your box sets, have a beer, go to the pub. You will get through this

curtdogg47 · 2025-11-01T15:07:24+00:00

You got to open up! Got to share to what’s happening! Call your friends, meet up for a beer, a round of golf or whatever you and your buddies do! And talk about things.

I had to build a support group with my buddies going through my divorce! No one was calling me, I had to reach out and man I got so much support! Guys will stand with there brothers, we just don’t always ask what’s going on with each other, it’s not in our nature! If a man and brother ask for help we show up!

crashohno · 2025-11-01T04:24:48+00:00

Men care about men, if we decide to.

Open up your circle, connect with other dudes. You're not alone.

Adventurous_Map_292 · 2025-10-31T20:14:32+00:00

Make sure you take care of yourself and your job/career. No one cares about men. And they care even less about a man who can’t pay. So work on yourself. Stop drinking. Go to the gym. It helps with both mental and physical health. And you need both. Get 50:50 access if you have kids. Practice meditation and mindfulness. The world will turn.

FourthDimension_ · 2025-10-31T07:15:58+00:00

Welcome to freedom

RemarkableDonut2676 · 2025-10-31T03:07:27+00:00

What's worse realizing no one cares or realizing you never had anyone to care about you in the first place.. I didn't realize I was a loner with no friends until I started the divorce process and had no one to talk to.

xolotl92 · 2025-10-30T20:33:48+00:00

I'm about 3 months into figuring out what this all means for me, and I can tell you find direction. Mine has been church and working out.

You have to commit, you have to stay focused, and keep at it. Both have done wonders for my mental health.

Don't get me wrong, it's still lonely, and that is hard AF, especially at night when it's too quiet, but every single day it is a tiny but better...it still sucks, and it's still hard...but every day is a little better.

Many-Role-4271 · 2025-10-30T19:41:31+00:00

I have gone through this 2x. First one my wife cheated on me repeatedly and I finally pulled the rip cord. I had some friends that helped out, mostly on short term living arrangements, but no one really asked how I was handling it all. My second wife was a money hungry narcissistic lunatic. She called all my family members making up stories about me, and for years has cyber stalked me and tried to interfere in my relationships. Again, no one really outside of my mother ever really asked how I was doing. I think we are just expected to be immovable objects and take it all in stride. The first one was emotionally draining because of the pain. The second one is an ongoing endless nightmare dealing with a greedy lunatic (8 alimony payments left) that I am afraid I will never be free of save a Starlink satellite falling on her head.

Keep on moving forward a day at a time, you will find more strength as time moves on. But I wouldn't expect much of an increase in support.

finhead71 · 2025-10-30T17:37:31+00:00

Possibly unpopular opinion. How often did people call you prior to this? Was it about like it is now? I've noticed in my own situation that the wife was definitely more outgoing than I was and people would reach out to her Through me. Kind of like you couldn't get one without the other, a package deal. By your own admission you've said that you haven't told many people until it's finalized so as far as they know life is normal at your house. With my own situation I've recognized that there are things within me I'm going to have to change to be better. one of them is Improving my socialization skills. I've been married so long that I kind of lost myself. I recognized,and have told others the same advice, figure on one month for every year you were married before you can find normalicy in yourself and might be open to the possibility of dating again. Same could be said for interacting with friends. It's going to be awkward for a while. It's a long tough climb out of hell but,I feel, well worth the trip. Dust off that gym equipment, Go find that old bucket list, Look for things that pique your interest.

Feisty_Elderberry_96 · 2025-10-30T16:44:57+00:00

Welcome. Unfortunately this is common.

The same thing happened to me. My divorce took 2 years. Close friends and family would call when they learned of the divorce. But no one ever checked in to see how I was doing. Rather, it seemed, the expectation was that I should continuously be reaching out to them. Sometimes I did but mostly I did not.

I did have one friend who met me for coffee every Sunday morning for about 6 months. That was a great help.

I'll say - Once you divorce is finalized people still wont ask how you are or check in. Its frustrating. You really figure out who cares about who.

Finally - One positive. If or when you meet other men going through it, ask him how he is doing. Watch his reaction. He'll greatly appreciate it.

sir_cas · 2025-10-30T09:04:19+00:00

This has always been true—NO ONE will help you except YOURSELF. Believe in your own strength and make it your goal to turn your divorce into a success story—I know you can do it!

Putrid-Detail-2933 · 2025-10-30T05:56:15+00:00

I was shocked at how little my family and friends reached out. Though honestly mostly my close friends.

I'm lucky to have a group of friends that stretches back several decades, two of them I text with daily. They never once reached out and said "hey, let's grab a beer and catch up."

It was so odd, I thought for sure they would.

I think divorce is just awkward to talk about unless you have been through it or are going through it. That's the excuse I gave them, but it still hurt how no one seemed to care (or indicated that they cared).

KindheartednessFit40 · 2025-10-30T03:56:44+00:00

Mate, it sucks i know im 5 years out from the divorce. My son is about to turn 6, but I have 50 - 50. I struggled and accepted later what you seem to already have and thats that no one actually gives a fuck although sometimes not because of selfish reasons but because they have their own struggles. So from me to you we push on brother for our selves and our children its a hard fucken journey but you're gonna be okay no matter how bad shit gets hold fast mate. Fuck, if I could do it you can and I was in the pits went through the wars with my self. believe in your self please you're a man worthy of your salt continue reaching out on these boards people will and want to engage you're not alone. Big love mate you're gonna be okay you're gonna make it and you're gonna be better off for it trust the process.

6StringFiend · 2025-10-29T23:19:00+00:00

Definitely need to reach out. I feel the same. I also feel like I cared my heavy heart in everything I did for a while. It’s starting to feel a bit easier after my wife moved out to her sisters. I am incredibly lonely but I feel like I’m able to heal a bit more and after she started to grow cold I was able to focus on me and not try to win her back or to find a common ground. She wouldn’t and didn’t try at all. So finding my own peace is a huge part of moving forward. We go to court in a few weeks and hopefully that will give me some idea on what I’ll be able to afford and how the next few months will look like. Take care of yourself and get out there and go anything. Go for a ride. Go meet a friend. Go to a store and just walk around. Take care

Immediate-Story2562 · 2025-10-29T21:55:56+00:00

Wait, didn't you know men are disposable?

Immediate-Story2562 · 2025-10-29T21:37:25+00:00

Only close friends of yours that have gone through unwanted divorces themselves will understand what you are going though.
I'm sorry this is happening to you and I agree no one except ourselves can save us. Good luck my guy!

OctinoxateAndZinc · 2025-10-29T20:22:54+00:00

Not all my friends know about my situation as I want to wait

Tell your friends. You dont have to give them all the details.

Ask them to get you out of the house. Take them up on every offer.

And as an aside, stop all your drinking. No one ever drank their way out of this and it wont make ANYTHING about it any better. Youll save money, feel better, and you wont provide any ammo should things get hot.

Dont "not" do things because you think it would upset your ex. And start thinking of her like that - your ex. If she wants this make it real. no more husband anything.

Last-Researcher8796 · 2025-10-29T19:34:05+00:00

Will always be the way. Hang in there🙏

dudefromyork · 2025-10-29T19:09:34+00:00

I was just about where you are and lockdown hit us in the UK and I had to spend another 6 months locked in the house with her! So it could be worse! 🤣

This will pass. Your married friends will invariably side with her. Regardless of what the circumstances were. They might come back round in a couple of years, they might not. But yeah. Nobody cares much apart from your mom. That’s pretty much how it is for everyone on the man’s side. You will see your STBX getting help, hugs and handouts. And you will get nothing. Thats the reality.

But.

You know this now. You’re living through it. It will make you stronger and more self sufficient. You’re going to be a great dad. You’re gonna get your own place. And you’re going to be free to do s lot of things. Anything you want whenever you want. Life will be good a year from now and you’ll be a better man for the experience. Just take the initiative with the divorce and keep moving forward.

jaglio69 · 2025-10-29T18:49:41+00:00

Is it a female friend or a male friend

EWOKAFL0CKA · 2025-10-29T18:44:39+00:00

Agreed…

ExtraLettuce555 · 2025-10-29T18:15:13+00:00

I’m at the start of this though much less complicated than your situation. Us guys are a little less social than women so you may have to make your hangouts happen rather than waiting for others to call you up. Help your friends help you.

Jimmyonirocs · 2025-10-29T16:42:05+00:00

Get something to do and keep yourself busy. Helps, it won't solve the times of loneliness but sitting there sad and drinking is worse. I just picked up an old Honda CB to restore.

Empress1978 · 2025-10-29T15:43:29+00:00

I’m a year out from this and 6 months from official divorce. Spent 16 years with the same woman and 8 married. Thankfully no kids, but I felt this same way. In the guest bedroom for a few months until we figured it all out and … it’s lonely sometimes. Honestly, a lot of the time. Therapy and friends and family helped, but it always seems like you have to be the one to engage - which is usually my MO anyways as an extrovert, but during that part of your life, you’re especially raw and are yearning for the connection to people you lacked from your wife for oh so long. I get this viscerally - hang in there and DO stuff. Don’t just rot all the time - sometimes is ok, but drinking alone is NOT the way to go (I only drink with others). It will get better.

Expensive_Lawyer_779 · 2025-10-29T15:10:02+00:00

Might sound selfish but you being the husband/protector all that bullshit is over, take care of yourself and look out for #1 because no one else cares. Curb the booze, find other things to do.

reddit_1999 · 2025-10-29T15:02:14+00:00

I'm a couple of years removed from your current situation. Occupy yourself with your hobbies and keep yourself in physical shape. Keep your relationship with your kids intact. Hang in there, it gets better.

wcdan · 2025-10-29T14:56:19+00:00

You're clearly depressed. Understandably so.

Stop drinking depressants. It's not going to help your mindset. Do all the other things that people suggest like working out, meeting friends, etc. to help your mindset.

I took a year off from alcohol. It's not helping.

Eric_C_Productions · 2025-10-29T14:48:13+00:00

I was there my friend. Simply co-habitating and co-existing with my ex-wife. We had a contentious relationship though. At least you have a spare bedroom to stay in. I either resided in my car in the driveway, slept in the hallway, or at the end slept on the couch in the living room or when that proved uncomfortable, slept on the floor. My ex-wife felt that I was no better than our dog. So she treated me like one. Actually she treated the dog better than she treated me. She once told me, "My priorities go like this: First, my kids, Second, myself, Third, this house, and Fouth, myself." As you can see, I wasn't even a priority with her anymore. You may feel like you are alone for now but things will change. Things will get better and think about putting your kids first. They should be your priority. Their safety and security. Stay strong for them because you are going to be their rock and role model. You sacrifice your happiness right now and later on it will pay you back tenfold when you are single, have friends again, happy, money in your pocket and a place where you don't have to answer to anyone...especially the wife.

Few_Grab1626 · 2025-10-29T14:42:05+00:00

During therapy, I'll raise an issue that I'm having with her. In response, my ex wife will bring up (or fabricate) a time I wronged her in a similar manner from 1 day to 1 decade ago. She'll do this repeatedly until we lose sight of my issue and have fully resettled into something that I'm doing wrong instead. I'm bringing up this tactic to the therapist, and if that doesn't work, I'm going to quit couples therapy. We're already separated and I feel like therapy is just a way for her to extend psychological control.

krazykanuck · 2025-10-29T14:09:06+00:00

It's kind of on both sides of things. People don't check in on men because they are so used to not doing so. We also don't ask for help or let people know when we are struggling. You even said it yourself, you aren't telling people until things are done.

Boglehead101 · 2025-10-29T13:51:19+00:00

There’s a great Meetup app in my city, there’s a divorced and separated group.

They seem to run 3 nights a week at the moment. Concerts, sport, shows. art events, dinner and have drinks in a downtown bar one night every week.

They even organised a group holiday. It’s a great outlet and I’ve met super people through it.

Pleasant-Mechanic-49 · 2025-10-29T13:24:20+00:00

No it is NOT about men.
Dont u have a brother? like blood one?
I used to call him EVEYDAY for like a year to check on him. We was badly accused of the worst thing udner the SUN...
Same thing for a friend when i knew he was in contentious divorce: cousin & me at minimum sued to call him ever week& help him paper related

Special_Profit4509 · 2025-10-29T12:56:48+00:00

Is them checking in normal or has their behavior not changed and your expectations have.

People get busy with life. hope fully you find peace soon.

ClippedWinng · 2025-10-29T12:51:44+00:00

I feel like they don't want to reach out because they don't want to appear nosey. If you reach out and they make time for you, then they are showing you support. If you need more, then ask the closest ones to do so.

My stbxw was very protective about who knew and would question me about what I said and to who. I stopped that non sense and told her that I what I talk about and with who is no longer any of her business.

Then I started opening up to people individually in one-on-one settings. Each trusted person I told made me feel much better.

Keep reaching out to people. Ask them to hang instead of being at home. Or do something for yourself like go for a walk. I started nightly walks after putting my girls to bed and it was therapeutic. I would listen to different genre music depending on the mood or energy I wanted to let out. The best walks early on though were when I decided to walk with no music and just work through my thoughts.

ng_rddt · 2025-10-29T12:07:52+00:00

Men have always been expendable. We’re the ones who get drafted to die in a war, or sacrifice to provide stability and security for a family.

But there are two sides to this. Since no one really cares or watches out for us, we are free to do as we wish. And in this way, in our acts of autonomy and self determination, we discover our true power and potential as men.

Factastical · 2025-10-29T11:52:36+00:00

It's gonna be rather difficult for your friends to visit or even develop an opinions while you live there. "Don't leave the house" is a lazy boilerplate advice that applies for some and not for many others. Why are you there? If the answer is "my lawyer advised me", then that is your first problem.

Schmetts · 2025-10-29T11:47:25+00:00

I tell my therapist (a woman) about this total lack of support and she can’t believe it. I think she thinks that I’m exaggerating for effect lol.

My ex wife has gone out with friend groups twice in the last three days. I don’t get a return text from lifelong friends. I looked up divorce support groups online and there are four women only groups in my city and nothing for men.

We are so screwed as a society.

Candidate_Worldly · 2025-10-29T11:32:29+00:00

I've found that even if you do have family and friends to lean on, there is a very clear limit on how much they want to hear about it. After a couple of months, family who have never been through this will tell you to move on and get over it. They have no idea what this is like.

Married friends get to a point where they don't want to hear about it either. There's a feeling that separation/divorce is contagious, especially if they are having problems too. Which many of them are.

OverCut8474 · 2025-10-29T11:15:53+00:00

Hang in there. I was in the same situation. If there is any way for you to get out of the house and stay elsewhere or for them to do that I would recommend it for the sake of your mental health.

I had a very similar experience with no one seeming to care and pretty much zero emotional support from anyone in my family - parents, siblings, etc. it’s as if no one knows what to say.

I would encourage you to go out if you can, hangout with your own friends - guys you knew prior to getting married - or go and meet some new people. Get on the apps if you feel ready. I did and it helped me a lot.

There’s a world out there and you need to engage with it again.

Wonderful_System5658 · 2025-10-29T10:31:53+00:00

The government will be forced to listen. Birth rates are in decline which means less taxpayers for their social pyramid schemes. There are a lot of men that have checked out. I'm against getting married because divorce laws are hostile to men. Family courts are a cottage industry. If there's a path forward to fix the status quo, I'm not seeing it.

Flimsy_Reference_566 · 2025-10-29T09:41:48+00:00

It’s kind of crazy how stark the difference is between how men and women connect. Women, especially mothers, tend to have these close, supportive circles where they talk openly about personal stuff, relationships, and emotions. Meanwhile, most men just...don’t.

I’ve talked about this with my therapist a lot. It’s unfortunate, but women have built communities that are emotionally supportive, while men often have surface-level friendships.

Even before my divorce, I realized most of my friendships were pretty shallow. For example, one of my oldest friends had a minor heart attack and has been dealing with issues related to his medication for the past two years (has not been able to have sex for the last two years), but he hasn’t even felt comfortable talking to his own doctor about it, let alone his friends. That’s how disconnected a lot of men are when it comes to opening up. I only know about this though my ex, via his wife.

I’m not diving into any red-pill stuff here, I’m pretty liberal, but I do think there’s a major gap in how men build and maintain emotional support systems. It’s sad, but it’s real.

The best advice I can give: try to be proactive. I’ve actually met a good friend through the Bumble BFF app. Check in with your buddies weekly or every couple of weeks, ask how they’re doing, see if they’re free to hang out. Most of the “healthy dad” types I know are so busy with family that it’s hard to make time, but you’ve got to keep trying. Otherwise, it’s way too easy to end up isolated.

sludgepress · 2025-10-29T08:36:11+00:00

I experienced the same thing only we had moved out of state and I literally had ZERO close family or friends other than my son. Someone else commented. “ nobody’s coming to save you“ it’s a harsh comment, but it’s absolutely true. The best advice I could give you is do everything you can to keep your relationship alive with your children. Hopefully your wife is not vindictive and turns the children against you.

You aren’t the first and you are far from the last man that will go through this nightmare. This is why the older generation is constantly telling the younger generation of men to not get married. I will never regret it because I have my wonderful child out of it, But as a totality, marriage is a very bad move for men.

But no one will listen to us. Every man thinks that his love of his woman has and will supersede all that’s come before it.

I wish you the best of luck, my friend. And you will get through this. It hurts at first, but like anything else you will get used to your new situation and you will persevere. Keep your head up. .

Techdude_Advanced · 2025-10-29T07:58:58+00:00

Nobody is coming to save you. But when you compromise your friendships for a relationship, don't complain, sounds harsh but I somehow managed to keep all my friends, because I was never into having mutual friends. Looking back, that saved me. My advice to all men here, maintain your friendships, just because you are married or met someone doesn't mean you should take your friends for granted. Some of my friends I didn't see much but I kept in touch through email and they did the same. Today they come and go and we enjoy doing things together. Maintain your friendships, the wives at school, kids activities are not your friends, one or two husbands are your friends and that's it.

Also call them and ask for help, you are not a freaking island.

Heck go to the nearby park and chat with some old people, you'd be amazed at what they have to share and how to move on.

With all that said, you will come out of this a better person and life is going to be bright. Never give up on you and your kids, much love my friend.

Bumblebee56990 · 2025-10-29T07:51:14+00:00

♥️

IllBrother6221 · 2025-10-29T07:07:40+00:00

The universe is a mirror of ourselves.

upvotersfortruth · 2025-10-29T07:05:26+00:00

If you don’t care enough about yourself to affirmatively ask for the help and support you need from family and friends, then that’s where you need to start. But outside of that close circle, yep - no one cares.

Accurate-Pilot-5666 · 2025-10-29T06:59:27+00:00

I put all my free time away from work into my family, while my wife put all her free time (she didn't work) into her friends. In retrospect, I realize that I have made a mistake, and I am working to rectify it. So far, no male acquaintance that I know has said no when I've invited them for a coffee or a meal. I am trying to do that at least once a week.

zvekl · 2025-10-29T06:50:05+00:00

My friends care, they took me out once for drinks. Then that’s it. Oh they also use me for excuse to go drink, lots of times without me. Lol

FUMoney · 2025-10-29T06:25:07+00:00

This is the raw truth. If you are male, absolutely no one cares about your marriage, your relationships, or your divorce. Your friends generally don't care. Your family definitely does not care. And your in-laws? They will either now act as though you don't exist, or will be openly hostile.

This is not a reflection on you. This is not a reflection of your worth. It simply is. It is hardwired genetics, and people really do not care about male relationships, at all.

Embrace it. Be thankful people aren't sticking their nose into your shit. Be thankful you're not wasting hours per day on the phone bitching about this thing that happened, or that thing your ex did. Be so very thankful you're not going out to "lunch," really an excuse for a meaningless bitch session with zero-skill gossipers and losers. We're on our own. Period, end of story.

Notably, it is largely the same in the animal kingdom. Female members of a species congregate. Male species are often out on their own, or otherwise must leave the pack/pride and make their own way. From the great apes, to bears, wolves, moose, the males deal with the same exact shit, usually on their own. Uncanny how similar the experiences actually are.

ComputerOpDelta · 2025-10-29T04:32:41+00:00

If you're like many couples: you ex-communicated your friends for this relationship. You need to let them know you're back on the fun train

Bipolar_investor · 2025-10-29T04:25:43+00:00

They either aren't mature enough, or know you're reliable and won't have a problem managing the situation, or think that getting involved in not possible or not suitable .... These are all options... But it's also possible they DGAF

Suspicious_Reader-0 · 2025-10-29T04:20:37+00:00

I’m really sorry you’re sitting in this alone. That “same house, different worlds” stage is such a mind-bender. It makes everything feel both surreal and painfully real at the same time.

Something I’ve learned (going through something similar) is that people often don’t reach out because they don’t know how to show up. They don’t want to intrude or say the wrong thing, so they end up saying nothing. Not because they don’t care—but because they don’t know you need them to.

Have you had the chance to talk to anyone who’s been through a separation or divorce before? Sometimes the people who get it can hold space in a way that feels different—less advice, more understanding.

And if there are friends or siblings you wish were checking in, it’s okay to say something simple like:

“Hey, I know this is awkward and heavy, but I’d really appreciate hearing from you once in a while. Even just a ‘how are you holding up?’”

It doesn’t have to be a big emotional disclosure—just letting them know that connection actually helps right now.

You’re not wrong for wanting support. You deserve people who check in on you, too.

Temporary_Practice_2 · 2025-10-29T04:17:31+00:00

Call one or two friends and go out for a beer (if you drink)

Pen_Panda · 2025-10-29T04:17:24+00:00

I hear you. I went through something similar. No one will call you first so just make sure you keep calling and contacting others. I know it would be nice to have them reach out to you first but that is just not the reality that they understand

Become_Pneuma · 2025-10-29T04:09:56+00:00

Sucks man. Start caring about yourself. Hit the gym and find a new hobby. Eat healthy, get sun, and walk everywhere. Find a younger gal to spend time with. You alone determine how this turns out. Make the rest of your life count.

ChipChip17 · 2025-10-29T04:01:56+00:00

Stay strong brother. It sucks but as men we're expected to just shut up and deal with it so we do.

Icy_Bend_116 · 2025-10-29T03:54:16+00:00

Brother, I care about you. I'm going through the same right now. Youre not alone, look for men in your close by community in your situation. Guarantee there is alot

Boglehead101 · 2025-10-29T03:45:48+00:00

I have about 5 lifelong male friends, I told them and I hear from one every few weeks.

I worked with a guy who’s divorced 5 years, he totally gets it and we speak everyday.

sawamandoevilthings · 2025-10-29T03:00:58+00:00

Currently going through my second divorce, the first over 15 years ago-and it's the same then as it is now. They don't care about us.

bluephotoshop · 2025-10-29T02:55:15+00:00

You should demand the master bedroom. If you must stay in the guest bedroom, ensure that the TV is at least as large as the TV’s in the master and the living room. Invite your friends over for drinks and meal sharing, and use the living room too. Have a party, maybe. Look, don’t allow yourself to suffer. Insist that you live a normal life.

Bogusky · 2025-10-29T02:54:55+00:00

Welcome to the club. Just finished month 2 into separation. Work is grinding what it can out of me. Ex is insistent that financially speaking 50% is the floor to any negotiation, which is still ongoing. My immediate family's biggest involvement was an attempt at intervention, but it was an ill-conceived attempt. After that, a few awkward "I'm sorries." Any romantic flings or hookups are almost always tied to money. It's hard to feel like there's anything legitimate. I'm trying to remind myself that one is a whole number and that I'm enough. I was already lonely before, but damn, there was at least an illusion of happiness. Hope you cope better than me.

Thealco · 2025-10-29T02:52:11+00:00

They do, but men are not necessarily the best at communicating the level of emotions theyre experiencing. Reach out to your friends, lean on them, talk and work through it.

rumblegod · 2025-10-29T02:51:18+00:00

Hey man, you will have to reach out to those connections and ask for support and to hangout. It is what it is, good luck

ImdSeeker · 2025-10-29T04:13:49+00:00

You're absolutely right. I’m really sorry to hear you're going through this. I'm not divorced yet, but I'm in a similar situation. We still live under the same roof but barely communicate — most of our interactions happen over text. She stopped taking my calls for a while and even blocked me on WhatsApp.

My wife keeps our daughter by her side most of the time, and as a result, my daughter has started emulating her and distancing herself from me. I've stopped taking it personally — I accepted the fact that she'll naturally be closer to her mother — but I've also realized that I shouldn't give in to the psychological isolation.

This whole experience made me understand how important it is for us men to take care of our own mental and emotional health. I've started therapy sessions so I at least have someone to talk to, and thankfully, my insurance covers it.

hpmanuscript · 2025-11-01T20:51:37+00:00

This could describe my dad and honestly it’s cause he himself puts zero effort. You probably are the same. I see this time and time again with males.

Title	No one cares about men
Author	Evening-Round-4067
Upvotes	294
Comments	123
Date	October 29, 2025 2:45 AM UTC (9 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1oitbtm/no_one_cares_about_men/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/no-one-cares-about-men.1565285 https://theredarchive.com/post/1565285

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