Just Feels Pointless

PurplePillDebate-ModTeam · 2026-01-19T15:47:58+00:00

OPs should be discussion topics, not requests for advice about personal experiences. Requests for personal advice can go in the daily thread.

Ego73 · 2026-01-19T06:37:41+00:00

Well, are those the kind of men you're interested in?

stuffeson · 2026-01-19T11:48:00+00:00

Well. I mean. You are specifically focusing on the looks part of it. Which, yes. Looks matters. But I think the "pleasant, peaceful, friendly" matters to a large degree. Sure you want someone who is attractive. But if they are bat shit crazy. Then looks will not be enough.

If someone is pleasant, peaceful and friendly. It shows that they have a nice character. And if they've made some mistakes in the past with debt and such. You can obviously still make it work if she has good character.

Bernouttheday · 2026-01-19T06:31:05+00:00

Try not to let those voices get you down. Success in romantic pursuits means you're going to spend a lot of time and mind with someone. Ideally the two of you grow old together, which means gained weight, expanded cartilage and saggy skin. This is less a response to how to attract someone than how to cultivate something that's ideally healthy. There are games that you lose for winning.

"Boring/uninteresting" and "Uneducated" are relativistic descriptors and generally not useful in these discussions unless people are specific and circumspect. Relative debt is a values thing, but most guys aren't looking to a woman for financial security. You should absolute cultivate strong financial habits for your own sake, regardless of who you're with.

Also for the love of god, please don't feel like you have to get cosmetic procedures done. If you're pulling a Joan Rivers and doing it for you, fine. If you feel like you have to do it to land a guy I promise you there are just as many, if not more guys out there that would take natural over plastic 8 days a week, and that's before you worry about maintenance and procedure creep.

TLDR Don't let a few loud voices make you feel like less than you are.

Barely-moral · 2026-01-19T09:32:30+00:00

young, attractive, pleasant, peaceful, friendly.

You can't control what others want from relationships. If that is what men value and you want a relationship with a man then use those.

Shocked, I asked my guy friends who are quite religious. And they said the same thing. As long as she was a godly woman. Even went as far as to say they would forgive her past, as long as she was peaceful/etc etc.

Listen then.

I am just shocked. Questioning everything. like what am I doing all this saving, learning for.

For yourself. Not for a man.

Surely I am mistaken?

Depends. Do you know your priorities and are acting in accordance to them?

I have size able savings at 25 and now feel like I should just splurge on cosmetic surgeries since attractiveness and sex seem to be absolute king for men , for a relationships.

If your priority is having a relationship then sure.

I previously planned to use it in my marriage but like…. Its clearly unimportant. Being hot is more important.

Please explain to me how did you plan to use that money in your marriage because as far as I know even legally everything you owned/earned before marriage is exclusively yours.

OmoshiroiKudamono · 2026-01-19T09:56:46+00:00

You do NOT need cosmetic surgery.

Barring any <1% medical deformities ALL you have to do to be attractive is to NOT be obese. With the whole fat acceptance for women, you would place above a lot of 20-30 y/o's. If you are 30+, you will be even higher rated. Another thing to elevate yourself in terms of attractiveness is to eat well and avoid consuming toxic things.

And even if you did get screwed over genetically, men will still find you attractive. And I am talking about genuinely good men.

Kingcrow33 · 2026-01-19T10:51:29+00:00

Men are just saying that they wouldn't count a woman out if they had those things. Those things are extra so if you don't have debt stuff like that it's like okay that's really cool, its an extra thing but that doesn't make you attractive for a relationship. Everything being equal you would take the woman without debt versus the woman with debt but if the woman with that is overall better you're not going to be like well I'm not going to date this lady because she has debt.

ConstipatedAvocado · 2026-01-19T11:59:13+00:00

Being hot is more important

Hmmmm, seems the women on here are getting smarter...

Yes. Being hot is the most important thing for men. The sooner you learn this the better. And this is a modern phenomenon which I think a lot of women dont understand. We can no longer ask or expect women to be feminine/godly/nurturing/good cooks. This means men say to themselves, "well if she's not going to do the things I saw from women in the past, she can at least be hot" and hence you have the proliferation in cosmetic surgery and beautification among young women. Its become an arms race now. If men are discouraged from having standards, then they're going to hang on to the one standard they are allowed to have religiously.

Honestly, one thing I feel I see in a lot of non western cultures is an appreciation of female modesty. I know Abrahamic religions are deeply problematic and riddled with misogyny but one thing I notice is that I feel there is more of a place for women who maybe dont want to adhere to rigid physical expectations. But I also think those same women didnt have the hyper rigid physical expectations which became a thing in the 90s and beyond. I was watching Sinners and it was interesting seeing Wunmi Masaku, a full figured woman, play the protagonist's (Michael B Jordan) love interest. I just dont feel you see that anymore. She was the spiritual leader and strategist and I kinda feel u dont really see that all that much anymore without the character being given some weird asexual, "boss babe" personality type, but I digress. I feel men's expectations of women are narrower, and thus have become hyper focused on purely looks. Maybe its always been that way, but I notice it more now.

abaxeron · 2026-01-19T12:36:22+00:00

pleasant, peaceful, friendly / a godly woman

There are no plastic surgeries for these.

N_Count_Council · 2026-01-19T11:23:10+00:00

You're saving because feminism told you that you need to have a job so you don't need no man...

Men have always said being attractive is the most important. And being attractive is also the most important for women too, they just like to lie about it.

YeaNobody · 2026-01-19T06:21:07+00:00

Being attractive is the most important thing to be honest....I'm not talking super model attractive as that's not realistic but most would probably be happy with a 6 or 7 if they happen to be a smudge above the average line.

Nidken · 2026-01-19T06:27:43+00:00

Would you prefer to marry a reliable but ugly and broke guy over a handsome and rich one with a spotted past?

If not, you aren't any different to those men, or most women.

dingleberries4sport · 2026-01-19T08:41:43+00:00

Unfortunately being hot is the first step.

That applies to men as well but it's more so important for women.

The reason that it's more important for women is because generally women don't date men that are beneath them economically physically socially etc. - Women date up. Odds are that if you choose a man to be your husband he's going to be better off economically than you. Your money becomes useless to him. You're learning and your degrees are also equally useless because most people use those things to translate into economic value.

With that said, if you had two women who are of equal attractiveness then yes - having a little extra cash or having a degree would edge you out but those things are secondary, tertiary or not even considerations when paired against physical attractiveness.

Reasonable_Mouse789 · 2026-01-19T06:25:04+00:00

If you like your “looksmatch” as a woman, or are willing to settle on looks, then looks are less important

But yes, the crazy blackpilled people who emphasize that looks are everything are pretty spot on. You could be like, a Nobel prize winner, and have way worse dating prospects than some model. Neither gender is fully exempt from this.

Strangely, the most liked guy on Tinder is kind of ugly, in my opinion, but he is a model:

https://share.google/zklmmcRo9gj5BskUx

AngelEyes_9 · 2026-01-19T09:34:43+00:00

You don't need to pay for cosmetic surgeries unless you are happy with getting into a relationship with a guy, who has a similar relative position on the attractiveness scale among men like you have among women. If you are better looking than 50 out of 100 women who are roughly in the similar age and he looks better than 50 out of 100 men, to put it franky. The problem is that women who are not super attractive themselves are often not attracted to their relative counterparts and men who they find attractive see them only as a hook-up notch not a relationship prospect. If you really want lock an attractive guy, you should make yourself as physically attractive as you can. But for you it's still eaiser than for men. I'd say 60–70 % of women have the potential to be in top 30 % when they really go for it.

Timosox · 2026-01-19T12:04:26+00:00

I think uneducated is different to boring/uninteresting or dumb/stupid. I value intellectual curiosity. I would want to date someone with a thirst for knowledge, someone who loves learning. That person may not necessarily have a degree, or a may have a technical degree, but can still have those traits. I want someone who loves to read

As Nietzsche says, “Marriage as a long conversation. - When marrying you should ask yourself this question: do you believe you are going to enjoy talking with this woman into your old age? Everything else in a marriage is transitory, but most of the time that you're together will be devoted to conversation.”

Pro-IDGAF · 2026-01-19T12:04:40+00:00

the richest, most beautiful women is worthless if she’s a complete bitch.

bitchy women make men into assholes and give them depression.

so ya, i’d take that trade off too. money and looks only get you so far. you gotta be cool too.

it’s not that much different than women’s standards. we all have things on the top of the list. although seems women will be with a rich man and tolerate his negative attributes…for awhile. those never last though.

JollyRoger66689 · 2026-01-19T12:40:17+00:00

You should be working to get money for yourself and the future of your marriage (money is often an issue and more money would allow for vacations and stuff).

I don't understand why you would feel negatively about men not wanting you for your money.

JackOfCrusades · 2026-01-19T13:06:01+00:00

You've asked a bunch of guys this, and you've gotten the same answer from all of them. What are you hoping to achieve here?

Note, these guys didn't say "looks are the only thing that matter," they all listed attractive personality traits. They were just different personality traits than you were expecting.

I think a huge part of the frustration people (men and women) experience in dating comes from making themselves into someone who would be attractive to them, rather than someone attractive to their ideal partner. Men and women are different. They want different things. That's fine.

Most_Read_1330 · 2026-01-19T06:39:54+00:00

I don't think being hot is really important. There's plenty of ugly women that have no issue attracting men. The biggest thing is being pleasant and peaceful. Most men have a scarcity of options so they can't afford to be too picky.

Otjahe · 2026-01-19T07:46:29+00:00

People are different, and I think this sub is quite skewed as well. Men here seem to generally struggle getting women so they might more largely subscribe to bad views of women as well. I can only speak for myself, and I’ve never struggled with women, been active since 14 mostly engaging in casual relationships with a couple long term relationships. And I’m with the love of my life right now going on soon a year, and whilst there’s truth to the fact love is blind, she also happens to be the funniest person I know, highly intelligent and educated, empathic, inspiring, artistically gifted and is literally 1-1 replica looks wise in what I’d describe as my dream woman. But she also has some real mental health issues, though I’m not a stranger to those things either. We met by sheer luck, being from opposite ends of the world, but feeling for the first time this is who I want to spend the rest of my life with, can’t be compared to any relationship I’ve had before, it’s two completely different worlds I’m very happy and lucky to experience.

I think it’s a mistake when you do things and live your life in a way to try to attract the opposite sex, I would imagine that inevitably ends in a negative loop. I’ve always just been authentically myself, and all the automatic attention I’ve gotten has just been a result of that. So just live for you (because at the end of the day, that’s who you should focus the most on), and if you’re lucky you’ll meet someone that appreciates all of it someday. Love can’t be rushed because then it becomes superficial to varying degrees. Just my opinion.

Ragazzocolbass8 · 2026-01-19T09:10:01+00:00

I'm married and can confirm.

My wife is 13 years younger than me (almost 14) and wouldn't seem out of place on a Victoria's secret catalogue but she isn't exactly the brightest crayon in the box, nor she is well off.

She also left her dead end job as soon as we got serious since I make enough money for both and she's mild mannered, decent and non-confrontational, which is great.

I've had plenty of long time relationships with career-oriented, super smart, go-getter women making just as much if not more than I did (engineers, surgeons, high level managers, university professors, psychotherapists... off the top of my head) and to be honest they were all exhausting, to the point that I would simply dump them out of the blue after a while.

Complete-Record5167 · 2026-01-19T08:36:42+00:00

It’s not hot per se but more so vitality if that makes sense—and yes “youth” is sort of one of the primary markers of that.

It’s an evolutionary instinctual drive: men are attracted to women who seem the most “fit” to endure pregnancy, childbirth and child rearing.

There are plenty of beautiful women who don’t actually fit this. Most men would pick absolutely pick a Sydney Sweeney over most super models because she exudes this kind of youthfulness. Sydney Sweeney honestly doesn’t even have a particularly attractive face. Zendaya has a prettier face but I’d much rather get with Sydney than a Zendaya. Audrey Hepburn is one of the most beautiful creatures to exist, but I would not want to have sex with her.

Most men would prefer that you have an hourglass figure with a good amount of “brown fat” which you can only get through good nutrition and exercise. Men are drawn to brown adipose tissue (BAT) but are repulsed by white adipose tissue (WAT). And women with more WAT during pregnancy can negatively impact placental development (not that men are actually thinking about this consciously) and they are more likely to give birth to children who become obese themselves.

Basically if you’re healthy, then that just means your shelf life for attractiveness to a man is longest whereas unhealthy women have a much smaller window of attractiveness. Men want a woman who is as attractive for as long as possible… and this is more important than overall attractiveness.

So women often over emphasize beauty and overall attractiveness as important to men when it’s really more about your shelf life. Women will aggressively do things like surgery and fillers thinking that this is the best way to expand their pool of options (and it may do that in the short term), but often these send the very OPPOSITE signals toward men who are looking for life partners.

An average weight, plain faced woman with b cups is going to have better options for life partners than the bimbofied woman with fake tits who will end up just attracting scumbags. Plastic surgery and bimbofication really mostly appeals to men with existing metrosexual tendencies

I’ve been personally experiencing these counterintuitive things myself. I’ve dated a woman who was actually older but she took care of herself well, but didn’t have as good face card of another woman I dated. I was way more physically attracted to the older woman vs the younger woman with a more conventionally attractive face. I can literally feel the difference in my hands. The woman who took care of herself just felt better to my hands. Her flesh was supple but a little more firm although still soft. The other younger woman has body fat that was looser and more “flabby” in areas. And this is absolutely because the older woman had more brown adipose tissue vs white. It almost feels like to me excessive white adipose tissue (which often correlates with poor insulin sensitivity), just feels like it reminds me of death and decay. Brown adipose tissue makes me think of life.

eluusive · 2026-01-19T06:19:31+00:00

It's not unimportant, since you're unlikely to find a man that can really take care of you financially by himself. But, yes, a fair number of women do that instead of work/save.

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NefariousnessMost660 · 2026-01-19T08:54:30+00:00

The question I want to ask OP is what do they personally want out of a relationship. While everyone has different goals in mind, there's only 2 kinds of people that date. People in group A.) who aren't looking for anything serious and people in group B.) who are looking to settle down.

Unfortunately there are a lot of people in group A who later go on to deceive the people in group B as well as people in group B who are still stuck in the past and want to back to an ex or get bored and slip back to their old ways or suddenly have a FOMO.

Hence, this is why I would rather take a women who isn't conventionally attractive, doesn't start with any "fancy ideas( incoming divorce )," doesn't look down at me because they have a higher degree, or might even be in debt like you said as long as it wasn't due to poor life decisions or if they haven't already became jaded by the aformented reason I previously mentioned.

The woman I am dating is still quite cute, even if she doesn't fit the current beauty standards which doesn't even matter to me in the slightest. Not to mention faithful, non-political, intelligent while also being emotionally intelligent, traditional（I help with chores too though ), and still employed/self sufficient with a basic educational degree so I know she isn't just dating me for the money even though I can fully support her on 2 incomes and she is nowhere near as rich. We are already planning to get married and now she is pressuring me to take her virginity so we can have kids.

RidingRedHare · 2026-01-19T12:55:34+00:00

Different people have different preferences. I would not date a dumb/stupid woman, regardless of how good looking she is.

shmupsy · 2026-01-19T13:34:29+00:00

Being hot is more important.

not saying i agree with it, but that's probably an accurate appraisal of the sorry state of things.

get yourself bimboed out and you will have an increased chance of landing a rich man

VietQuads · 2026-01-19T13:53:10+00:00

I think part of the RP ideology is that the world is a superficial place.

riceboykr · 2026-01-19T15:13:37+00:00

Emphasis on PEACEFUL. Too many women have princess syndrome and bring all sorts of drama into your life. That's the area women are falling behind on the most.

TopShelfSnipes · 2026-01-19T15:22:49+00:00

I'm not sure what the "Question For Men" here is, but it just sounds like a combination of simp behavior and hot girl FOMO by dudes who've never been with a hot girl.

Hot girls can be just as annoying as anyone else, and the novelty wears off fast.

As the saying goes, for every hot girl, there's a guy who's sick of her shit.

A woman who is 25 and not horrendously ugly can usually become reasonably attractive to at least some guys that are not type-incompatible by getting shape and dressing well/sexy (aka not wearing frumpy Boomer coded dresses or pantsuits), and selectively using light makeup to hide any blemishes/imperfections.

DietTyrone · 2026-01-19T15:34:21+00:00

I am just shocked.

I'm more shocked that this is news to you. Did you not think that it was possible that because men and women are different, they could be attracted to different things?

like what am I doing all this saving, learning for.

Sounds like you're being sarcastic but I would assume you would get a degree to work in the field you want and save because it's the responsible thing to do as an adult, not just to get a relationship.

GKilat · 2026-01-19T15:51:54+00:00

At least the religious guys have something to bond over which is religion. Everyone else seems to be settling to fulfill their sexual needs and find non sexual bonding elsewhere like their current friends. Some men are just desperate that they are willing to settle with a hot woman even if they are not compatible with everything else. Being attractive is important but if that's the only thing that matters to a man, then you are being settled with. That's the whole reason behind the joke of men hating their wife behind their backs.

anonymousppd123123 · 2026-01-19T06:42:32+00:00

like what am I doing all this saving, learning for.

that is a great question isnt it. what are you learning?

Title	Just Feels Pointless
Author	Good-Preparation-811
Upvotes	22
Comments	180
Date	January 19, 2026 6:15 AM UTC (6 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1qgwf8r/just_feels_pointless/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/just-feels-pointless.1571502 https://theredarchive.com/post/1571502

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