I paused dating this year because of how many creeps I encountered, this morning I found out staying home and not engaging with men doesn't keep me safe either.

Cosmictears83 · 2020-10-20T18:05:53+00:00

https://www.flickr.com/photos/190721611@N04/50509703238/in/dateposted-public/

Here's a screenshot of the letter so you can see how creepy it is

pickmieshaexorcist · 2020-10-20T17:48:43+00:00

A PSA for everyone: DO judge the fuck out of these guys. Right away.

I’m not blaming you. I get it. I grew up bullied, awkward, geeky. So whenever some guy immediately poured his heart out to me about his loneliness, mental issues, etc, I felt pity and like I should not judge. After all, I’m a weirdo too, I understand.

But then I really thought about it. These guys dump everything on a stranger, in the first conversations. Who does that?! I never did that and other “oversharers” I knew felt off-putting. So why did I give extra leeway to strange men when they seemed sensitive and misunderstood? There’s so many cultural messages that women are supposed to be nice, and coddle men, and men never get to express themselves so a man dumping himself onto you is a good thing because he’s so in touch with his feelings (NO).

Strange people trying to force immediate intimacy through over sharing are toxic and never have good intentions, especially when it’s a man and you are a young woman alone.

warinmymind94 · 2020-10-20T17:47:49+00:00

You've done good by letting the property manager know and sending the pic of the letter. The guy actually does seem mentally off and the wording of the letter confirmed it. "Taco bell" and buying and to start a family "sexual relationship" and "quest" along with "shy" especially made my skin crawl!!

Its good he seemed to backoff but its scary he knows what door is yours. If you have a car ill bet any money he knows which car is yours and looks for when you are home. He may seem avoidant now but don't get comfortable. If I were you make sure your doors /windows have good locks. Also make note of your walk into your apartment. Start by getting pepper spray. You should really look into a concealed carry permit. You can take classes and when you're set you can actually practice shooting at a range. Some apartments have these back paths and others have large parking lots and not any lighting. Make sure you're carrying something to protect yourself im worried he will try to attack you.

Needless to say dont be hanging outside or walking near your apartment or taco bell as he works there.

Phoenix__Rising2018 · 2020-10-20T16:19:57+00:00

It just doesn't pay to be nice to strange men.

I never talk with men. If they come up to me I gray rock them.

Especially avoid men that seem mentally ill, off, desperate or clingy.

I also would not speak to men living in an apartment complex where I live. And I would avoid living in an apartment complex at all if possible. That's where all the creepers live. Make sure you have good locks and curtains and that you use them all.

Might I also suggest reporting this incident along with a copy of the letter to the landlord/owner.

Keep the letter and other records if this guy continues to bother you.

Final note, being "judgmental" isn't bad, it's how we protect ourselves. Women are taught to be "nice" to our detriment and usually in a way that means we stop listening to our guts, expose ourselves to weirdos, continue to entertain people we shouldn't etc. As I've seen repeated, "nice isn't a characteristic, it's a social strategy".

I actually have a creepy desperate seeming neighbor I'm trying to gray rock right now. I made the mistake of being nice... Sigh.

ScallionOk958 · 2020-10-20T21:04:27+00:00

PM me his full name (if you have it) and city and I’ll do a background check through public records. I’m worried for your safety.

I went through something very similar to this and he became my stalker and is still breaking into my apartment. You can never be too cautious. I’m following you if that’s ok—I want to know that you’re safe.

Cosmictears83 · 2020-10-20T16:45:33+00:00

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LunarCannons · 2020-10-20T22:18:11+00:00

I would almost be willing to excuse a love letter, but there are 3 things about his note that are particularly red flag imo. (But let’s not pretend this letter is okay or normal in the least. 😬It’s unsettling in its own right. )

1:Dude used lined paper and still didn’t stay in the lines. Looks like it was done in pencil. Dude has no pretense and no scruples about not showing his best work.

2: “ I trust my gut.” , “We are both shy people”, & “I’m not in the position to break hearts.” these things sound like he already has a set narrative for you in his head even though he is a stranger. As if he already believes you are crushing on him. Not healthy. Not normal. Reality means nothing in this perverse girl next door story he has made up.

3: Dude implies he has a tremendous crush on you, and desires a sexual relationship even though you are not close acquaintances. Even though you are not close in age. But is willing to “just be friends”. Never NEVER be friends/stay friends with a male who is bitter you won’t have sex with him. He will play the ‘long game’ of being the ‘nice guy you haven’t noticed yet’. You will never be safe because he never viewed you as anything more than a conquest and can not view you platonically.

🙏Please ask your landlord/management to swap you into another available apartment if possible. Keep windows covered. Keep door locked. I’m super sorry this weirdo has committed the faux pas of not leaving his neighbors tf alone. You shouldn’t have to feel uncomfortable at home. :(

MagnfiqueMaleficent · 2020-10-20T17:43:48+00:00

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Mountain_Nectarine_6 · 2020-10-20T17:48:16+00:00

Damn. I’m sorry. This is frightening. Please carry a knife with you if possible. This man is unstable and socially inept and possibly dangerous.

sassylittlespoon · 2020-10-20T19:36:29+00:00

That’s so fucking creepy. Do you carry mace or pepper spray? Can you install a video doorbell so you can check the hall before leaving your place?

I’m so sorry that you can’t feel safe in your own home.

theawkwardalli · 2020-10-20T18:34:48+00:00

Here’s a great website that hats lots of different safety devices! I’m linking the stun gun page for you—I have the Inferno. It’s only $20 but man does it pack a punch!

Guard Dog Security

burn_that · 2020-10-21T00:51:27+00:00

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melonmagellan · 2020-10-20T21:48:17+00:00

I once had a maintenance guy go through my underwear drawer. My vibrator was also in the drawer.

He didn't even try to make it look like he didn't rumple through it with his gross hands.

Male entitlement and depravity all day. Not even safe literally in my own home.

straighthairgreece · 2020-10-20T23:18:57+00:00

I follow the "90% rule". If 90% of people wouldn't do or say that, there's a high chance that person has a anti-social personality or their behaviour itself is high conflict.

This helped me tremendously. Ladies always trust your gut, follow this rule and don't empathize or make excuses for men ( and women) like this!

StopBeingAPlate · 2020-10-20T20:02:12+00:00

Is there some way you can document that you told him to stop communicating with you?

Telling someone to stop communicating with you is the first thing to document for legal purposes. Document every communication after that.

Is is possible to get a Ring doorbell?

MagnfiqueMaleficent · 2020-10-21T03:10:25+00:00

Did you spend any time on his fb page? His grasp on reality is tenuous. He wrote some scary things, including stating that he knows the rapture is coming any day (he’s been going on about that for months.) There’s some serious anger, suicidal ideation, self righteousness, and some hatred of women. He says more than once that he wants a woman but women just want money, they are corrupt, weddings are greedy... and so on. You were right to feel extremely uncomfortable about this letter writer. But the good news is that if you tell him all you want is money and you love Satan, he’ll bug off. 😄

reina_nova · 2020-10-20T21:29:50+00:00

Trust your gut if you are scared. Please, please trust your gut. Can you get away somehow? I’m extremely worried about your safety. Do you have any male relatives that can stay with you?

Deadgirl1888 · 2020-10-21T02:38:19+00:00

I work from home and have been staying home on my days off after being in a car accident. A tweaker scrote had no insurance or DL and got aggressive enough I had to leave the accident scene to be safe. Anyway I've been stuck in fight mode and have been too anxious to shower or take care of myself much since the accident. I went to the grocery store and got followed and hit on by this old creeper. I stank and was wearing my bfs sweats that are huge on me. I looked and smelled gross and this guy was trying to get me to go home with him. Ignoring him didnt work so I had to get verbally aggressive. When that didnt work I thought I was going to have to punch him to get away. Thankfully security showed up and walked me to my car. I dont feel safe anymore anywhere. I do know some self defense and can kick some ass normally but I'm fucking slow and injured right now.im sick of people telling me im over reacting.

Kimpractical · 2020-10-20T17:08:35+00:00

Do you have a gun or have thought about getting one? I live alone and fortunately do not have any creepy neighbors, but I got myself a gun anyway just because you never know

AnElaborateHoax · 2020-10-20T21:25:17+00:00

Have you considered getting a Ring device, or something just to be safe?

tossed_salad100 · 2020-10-21T00:10:11+00:00

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Cosmictears83 · 2020-10-20T23:20:35+00:00

Here's my headspace and a bit of backstory.

I did 14 years in the military. Witnessing rapes, being assaulted, being stalked, abusive marriages to fellow troops between me and my friends, some worse than others. Sadly I'm no stranger to any of this extreme male danger.

Then came a tornado which almost killed me, destroyed house and cars , thisclose to dying, and found out I was severely under insured after, which put me in a financial hole. I developed bipolar and ptsd after (was also going through divorce) and the bipolar helped dig my financial hole. The military said "you can't stay in with these conditions" so I had to plan on worst case finance/job scenario and moved into my first ever apartment. It was cheap and included all utilities. Mine is one of the only renovated ones with central air etc. Apartments were built in 1943 which in OK is OLD. Luckily my payout from the VA was incredible, so I realized if I stayed here, I could fix my debt in X years, then save some, then hopefully get a 0 down VA home loan. I need things on this track, to do the ONE thing I actually care about doing in life at this point. I have done some amazing work fixing things and raising my credit score like a shit ton in this pursuit. When the high monthly payments on debt is gone im going to be in a pretty good place.

So for this one 25 year old fat scrote from Taco Bell, who may well be over there planning some weird shit, to think he's going to run me out, and fuck my shit up, I just can't. It pisses me off in a way like when I dealt with these things back when I was in the service and let those assholes scare me off getting help and/or standing my ground. I'm not going to let his "upper body strength" advantage screw up my life plans. I will get him run out of here before I give up a hard to find place when I need it most. I will tase him, spray him, and since I have a good knife, knife him in the face and if I have to, die fighting. If he got in here somehow when I'm sleeping, my bed is up a ladder in a loft. Its not apparent and he'd move for the back room first. It would be a disadvantage for him coming up a ladder face first to a weapon. I don't believe he owns a gun, but I'm going to look into one which will be a setback but worth it.

I cant move right now because most other places are far more expensive here now, hundreds more a month and that doesn't include utilities. Part of the reason our homeless issue is so bad here. Or moving costs etc. I dont want another unit because I've toured a few of the others and they are BAD. Like holes with wires hanging out, window units, floor heaters that smoke and they almost have burned some of the units down, windows have no seals. My unit is a literal night and day from the others here.

If one of us gotta go its gonna be this SCROTE.

Cosmictears83 · 2020-10-20T22:24:42+00:00

ima just leave this here

Sleepymelmo · 2020-10-21T02:37:00+00:00

This is beyond inappropriate and frankly, selfish as hell. Now you feel weird in your own home. What a massive gaping asshole.

ZookeepergameMost100 · 2020-10-21T04:08:47+00:00

I actually wouldn't be super worried. I know that this seems like serial killer shit, but it actually seems way less concerning than that. This sounds like a person with maybe schizophrenia or something in that family who is stable. Even when totally mentally stable, a lot retain a super "off" quality in terms of social interactions.

There's no disconnect from reality here. his level of interest seems inappropriate, but you have to consider that he's probably talked to you more than any other woman this year and he spends most of his time isolated.

Good signs - he calls it a crush, not love. That shows he's got perpsective - he asks if you're interested. That means he understands that his feeling are not reflections of reality and respects consent. - he says it's ok if you say no. This shows that he's aware that's a possibility, and that he doesn't want you to feel scared of him.

Like this could literally be an idea he got from his therapist who encouraged him to try asking out the neighbor he's been getting to know. Entirely well intentioned and miles off the mark. I think this is just a not all there person unintentionally being creepy. I'll be honest in that I don't think this is even make depravity in that I've seen mentally ill and lower functioning autistic women make mistakes exactly like this. Sexuality & romance is super hard for them to navigate because it relies almost entirely on unspoken social cues, so they almost always come off creepy.

It's good you said no, and contacted the property manager. I definitely would go zero contact. Other than maybe trying to apologize for making you uncomfortable, I doubt he'll talk to you again (though I think there's like an 80% chance hell try to apologize). Unless he continues to try to engage you or does something else inappropriate, I wouldn't worry about it more than any other man.

Everything about this screams schizophrenic who is mentally stable and trying to establish normal adult life but just totally lacks the social skills to date without freaking women out. Meanwhile it's overwhelmingly the guys who seem totally normal who abuse and murder women.

Cosmictears83 · 2020-10-21T05:34:36+00:00

For fucks sake... I'm talking about this in fb groups and the pickmes are all on me "he said he'd respect your chooooice"

Is FDS the only sane place on earth?

Humanity, we need a big conversation about sexual harrassment, and pickmes need to sit in front.

Cosmictears83 · 2020-10-20T23:54:18+00:00

Fuck politeness!

mscristalconnors · 2020-10-20T20:21:35+00:00

I’m so sorry. You may have to move out if management does nothing.

gcthrowaway2019 · 2020-10-21T07:13:21+00:00

Sounds like you have the perfect out to break your lease or move to the other side of the complex.

Saitschik · 2020-10-20T23:43:31+00:00

I read that you have a knife but I also would recommend you to get a gun. Knifing someone down is not easy and he could obtain the knife. The best defense against a crazy male motherfucker is a bullet.

I think you should stay calm,though. It is in my eyes a good sign that he is embarassed now and aviods you instead of reacting with anger. In a best case szenario he is just very weird but harmless.

2020-10-21T00:15:47+00:00

I hope everything goes well for you and he leaves you alone.

Please keep us updated!

Blackrose_ · 2020-10-21T01:22:54+00:00

Put that note in to the police and report it ASAP and get them to run a background check to make sure there's nothing illegal going on.

If he is a wanted felon or has a lengthy criminal record then he lied on his rental application. That will get him kicked out. That dumb scrote just brought a world of heat on his arse.

hazelbroom · 2020-10-21T01:53:33+00:00

The Gift of Fear by Gavin deBecker would be a useful read. It has a large section on dealing with stalkers and preventing stalking early, which recommends the very clear rejection you have already done. This is terrifying. I'm so sorry this creep has fixated on you and I really hope you stay safe from him.

Free copy can be found by googling "Gift of Fear pdf" or use this link https://www.docdroid.net/yrC8MoB/the-gift-of-fear-pdf.

Saitschik · 2020-10-21T08:23:38+00:00

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CornFieldsRus · 2020-10-20T23:44:45+00:00

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MagnfiqueMaleficent · 2020-10-20T23:38:21+00:00

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