I'm in a bit of a state of shock. I found this thread by accident, shared by men that were bashing it, calling the women here "female incels." I came in to look at it with the mindset it was going to be laughable. I honestly feel like something is breaking inside of me. I read through a bunch of the threads, and tried to understand the acronyms and terms used. NV, LV, and HV I'm assuming are No Value, Low Value, and High Value, correct me if I'm wrong please. I've been in a few shitty relationships, and the last one made me feel like I had grown as a woman after a lot of reflection and advice, I felt like it was completely my fault that the relationship was bad, or existed for that matter. One of my female coworkers told me I needed to set and maintain boundaries, and it is ok to have needs and expectations. I was a literal doormat for my last serious boyfriend, I made tons of excuses for him and his behavior. Reading these threads, I think I'm currently, and have always been, a "pickme." I usually pride myself in my attractivness to men, both physically and mentally. Being a "gamer girl," drinking beer with "the boys," fishing, playing pool, etc, but I try to be nonchalant about it all because I feel like that looks better, even though I'm literally putting myself in those situations seeking praise. I enjoy being told "I'm not like other girls," or "I'm so down to Earth," etc. One thread mentioned that pickmes will choose hobbies based on how cool they sound or their interest to men. I feel like my entire life and personality are all lies. From my job, to my car, to my hobbies. I didn't have many friends growing up and I'm almost afraid of interacting with women, so I don't really have a female support system, and have always felt a pang of envy when I see a group of women, enjoying each others company. I know I enjoy male attention and fall pretty easily into whatever they want from me, if the interest is mutual. Honestly, this information is pretty scary because I know I can be bad about accepting accountability and have a lack of willpower, but all I want is a loving partner who understands me and appreciates me, because I feel like I pour my entire soul into my relationships. I feel like I live for that person, and my therapist told me I'm emotionally dependant. (Go figure.) I've even been pining for my ex recently. I don't even know where to start with myself. And so, I guess this super long rant was just to say thank you, scary, poweful internet women, holy hell, I've got a lot of thinking to do.