Would you take her back?

Trankvilo_1887 · 2026-02-21T06:01:39+00:00

It would require a level of work that she has neither the capacity nor the willingness to put in.

ExtraLettuce555 · 2026-02-20T00:03:43+00:00

She slept with someone else. No matter what, I would think less of myself to ever let her back in.

Sea_Employment4100 · 2026-02-19T12:29:48+00:00

Not in a million years!

Immediate-Story2562 · 2026-02-15T05:28:13+00:00

No. I had to face that we grew apart in the 25 years.
The one thing I could get her to admit was that I was loyal and that I provided for our family.
Unfortunately I could not say the same about her after she rejoined the workforce.
I don't know when we stopped caring about each other or when exactly our friendship ended, but it did.
Her lying and behavior hurt me more than I'd like to admit.
I don't trust her anymore, never will.

mgray1425 · 2026-02-14T20:45:17+00:00

About the best I think I could expect from her would be something along the lines of, "I've decided to give you another chance". That would be nowhere close to the attitude change it would take for me to consider getting back together.

i80west · 2026-02-14T06:53:05+00:00

Never.

paganpadre · 2026-02-14T05:42:25+00:00

Nope… she’s a narcissist.

nerdzilla16 · 2026-02-14T03:41:20+00:00

It would take some MASSIVE changes, and time. I don’t even think then I could. Too much has been said and done.

Nearby-Cut-5021 · 2026-02-14T03:05:33+00:00

I saw an analogy that someone posted here in one of these threads a few days ago (can’t remember which one) and it’s perfect and I now have made it my own personal mantra.

It’s like the movie “Pet Semetary”. After the marriage ends and they want to come back, (especially if they were involved with someone else), it is just like taking them and burying them in the Pet Semetary, what comes back is much worse.

And this is coming from someone who misses his wife daily.

SalaryDull5301 · 2026-02-14T02:09:23+00:00

1st one yes, that was my bad. 2nd one was karma for the 1st and no

Accomplished-Bet-883 · 2026-02-14T01:46:16+00:00

Yes, of course. In sickness and in health, right? If her therapy has progressed to where it's possible for her to be happy, I'd be overjoyed to see if we can rebuild

coldpornproject · 2026-02-14T01:11:18+00:00

Imswim80 · 2026-02-14T00:50:50+00:00

I hear a stage of grief screaming out in this question. You're in a bargaining phase. It's okay to feel this way. Its even Normal to feel this way. I did too. Sometimes I still do, because grief isn't linear, its something you have to learn to walk with until it fades down.

Just because you feel it or wonder doesnt make it a wise idea. Let alone a possible one.

survivingtheyellowbr · 2026-02-13T22:04:29+00:00

Why ?

Trust is broken Family structure is fragmented

Move on with your life, she is just a chapter in your story, not the whole book.

IAPiratesFan · 2026-02-13T21:05:15+00:00

If I were single but only for the kids.

Sea_Structure_2910 · 2026-02-13T21:01:34+00:00

Well, I guess yes, because I did. We were separated, and I was convinced it was over - but she came back, apologized, and said all the right things. I felt like I owed it to myself and our marriage to at least give it one more try, so I did.

That lasted about 3 months before she completely invalidated everything about her apology, revealed she had lied and was manipulating me, thought all the terrible things she did were my fault and I had to figure out how to make it up to her, yadda yadda.

Now? No way. We're divorced, and she really let her mask come off during it. We don't have kids, so we have a clean break. I could never trust her again, she proved how easily and convincingly she can lie.

Comfortable-Angle660 · 2026-02-13T20:26:45+00:00

Never.

JayRock1970 · 2026-02-13T20:10:41+00:00

She burned it to the ground. No way to rebuild what we had everything. if I wanted to.

ApprehensiveSpare925 · 2026-02-13T19:47:02+00:00

Hell no.

Prize_River9642 · 2026-02-13T19:33:39+00:00

She SAd my younger sister. Allegedly.

So no.

Character-Change-507 · 2026-02-13T18:55:02+00:00

No. Trust is gone

BipolarSwordfighter · 2026-02-13T18:49:12+00:00

I wanna say yes, but as I type this out all the things that would have to happen are completely unrealistic. For example, she would have to apologize for treating me like shit and would also have to do something to make me feel loved.

We havnt interacted except through text for almost 2 years, so she might be a different person.

Jbr74 · 2026-02-13T18:40:51+00:00

I'd rather smash my balls between two bricks.

BigBubbaMac · 2026-02-13T18:32:28+00:00

No. Not even she was the last woman in earth and survival of the species depended on it.

fewdo · 2026-02-13T17:54:49+00:00

Is she going to put in effort to make things better long term? Has she done the impossible and changed? No
No. She hurt me on purpose to feel better about the divorce. I remember the good times when she smiles at me now but no. She's not kind.

GeneratedUserHandle · 2026-02-13T16:11:51+00:00

no. there would be no trust.

she’s married to her affair partner

crzapy · 2026-02-13T15:34:25+00:00

I'd be willing to try if she was willing to meet me half way and work in her issues while I worked on mine... but she's perfect in her own mine so that's a no from me dawg.

MiloGoesToPorridge · 2026-02-13T15:22:50+00:00

I want her back even less than Ugandans wish for Idi Amin to still be their president.

retired337 · 2026-02-13T15:01:38+00:00

I;ve seen others do it and be successful. We separated and got back together only to divorce years later.

Similar-Guitar-6 · 2026-02-13T14:42:43+00:00

As the classic song goes: It's gonna take a lot of love to change the way things are.

Just-aMidwestGuy · 2026-02-13T14:25:45+00:00

Nope.

NewPerformance7662 · 2026-02-13T14:21:52+00:00

I’ll take Absolutely Not for a $1000

6StringFiend · 2026-02-13T14:16:01+00:00

At this point it would take a lot but I don’t think I could ever trust her again nor forgive her how she’s treated me.

Wally0991 · 2026-02-13T14:13:57+00:00

Nope she tried to take my kids from me. That make a man indifferent which is me with her now im good id rather start my whole life over from bouncing motel to motel and now i have a small apt. And rebuilding my self so I can have a suitable place for my kids and then im going for 50/50 anything to do with her will be transactional. I forgive her for everything but these late couple months ill never forget.

Pmoneywhazzup · 2026-02-13T14:11:48+00:00

No. We are fundamentally incompatible. The list of things she would need to change is so long that it would be impossible for her to change that much.

Candidate_Worldly · 2026-02-13T14:10:51+00:00

19 months separated. for the first year yes. Now no, had time to reflect on the way she treated me after we separated. Never want to lay eyes on her again. I'd cross the road if I saw her on the street. Wish I could never interact with her again, but we have a 12 year old.

bes753 · 2026-02-13T14:06:38+00:00

No. She is still the exact same person that I divorced.

WhydIJoinRedditAgain · 2026-02-13T13:38:09+00:00

Have you both acknowledged and taken accountability for your behaviors and taken steps change the behaviors that caused the problems? Are both of you capable of doing that?

jaguaraugaj · 2026-02-13T13:38:09+00:00

Am I lonely?- yes

Would I trust her not to do another rug pull? - no

TheConjugalVisit · 2026-02-13T13:35:31+00:00

As long as she didn't cheat, absolutely. Although she's lost so much weight from Wegovy and working out she lost her luscious boobs (she had a nice pair, now nothing sad) and her face is sunken in - looked almost like a 12 boy than my beautiful bride.

She stopped by yesterday to get her money and she was unrecognizable and not in a really good way in my opinion, I'm sure a new guy that didn't know the old her wouldn't care but she was gorgeous before taking that crap.

Struggling to fall out of love with her, she was my best friend and I'm still highly protective over her.

Sucks ass.

dday_throwaway3 · 2026-02-13T13:28:52+00:00

No. The inability to set and enforce boundaries is a huge contributor to divorce. You need to reset your mindset, else you're always going to be miserable in relationships. Go read "When I Say No I Feel Guilty" and implement the tools there.

Rockatello · 2026-02-13T13:25:54+00:00

"No retreat, no surrender. That is spartan law"

Words from a silly film (300) but words i have taken to heart. An ex is in the rear view mirror for a reason. Forwards fella, forwards you go

Then-Alps8928 · 2026-02-13T13:15:36+00:00

Hell fuckin' no. Kids could beg me, hell could freeze over and still fuckin' no.

What she did to me is unforgivable.

LifeBeatsHard · 2026-02-13T12:57:32+00:00

My case was not related to infidelity, no fights, so big YES, I would without thinking twice.

Environmental_Art760 · 2026-02-13T12:42:56+00:00

Probably not. If we ever get back together, we’ll live separately and keep separate finances

pChristian70 · 2026-02-13T12:26:47+00:00

In a heartbeat

Freeman2be · 2026-02-13T12:14:41+00:00

As much as I sometimes question my decision to file, I simply cannot return to her after she chose to again sleep with a previous affair partner during a recent rough patch. It sucks.

UrAristotle · 2026-02-13T11:38:06+00:00

Absolutely not. I regret not kicking her out when she revealed her affair.

She has said and done things that, even if she were contrite, there is no way I could trust her again.

Illustrious_Can_7698 · 2026-02-13T11:37:28+00:00

In short: No! In more detail: I am still not sure if she is right that I was abusive or, as I am beginning to suspect after 18 months of therapy, that she was very subtly and very powerfully abusive towards me or if we were both grade A a**holes in the end. Or, if we are both just deeply flawed individuals that started out covering each other's weaknesses but ended up enhancing and perpetuating them.

If there were ever to be some form of reconciliation, she would have to acknowledge a whole lot of hard truths about herself and we would have to do some very honest and very hard healing work together. As I have come to know her post-divorce, I very much doubt that will happen and I am finally starting to move towards being able to see the point in a new relationship rather than just trying to distance myself from the one that was.

soontobesolo · 2026-02-13T11:28:31+00:00

Not in a million years. My life has improved tremendously. We're both far better off.

soparent · 2026-02-13T11:25:50+00:00

for me there was no cheating so that opens the door a bit open but still, she would have to change so much that I just dont see her doing any of it.
but yes, in theory, I would.

fiddsy · 2026-02-13T11:22:07+00:00

Im not sure 'conditions' would ever be right...

Amicable, no cheating, get along well, have kids... but shes a fearful avoidant, heavily avoidant and ended up extremely disconnected and sexless.

End of the day, the closer someone gets, the more she disconnects. Can't be with someone who subconsciously fears and considers any vulnerability, emotional, physical and sexual intimacy as unsafe.

Title	Would you take her back?
Author	BlaqueBoye
Upvotes	8
Comments	76
Date	February 13, 2026 8:12 AM UTC (5 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1r3jlpo/would_you_take_her_back/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/would-you-take-her-back.1573367 https://theredarchive.com/post/1573367

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