I have a 17 year old daughter.

I share custody of her with her dad, who is remarried and lives in a town nearby his wife and their two young sons, who are 8 and 10.

Although my daughter is conventionally beautiful, she is very shy and modest about her body, and typically wears the same baggy hoodie sweatshirt every single day, even if I buy her some cute basic T shirts. Even when it’s over 100F degrees summer heat outside. She promises that she’s comfortable, though, so I leave her to wear what she wants.

This week she went to a clothing store with her best friend, and apparently decided to branch out a little. She came home with a loose, flowy cotton tank top and a pair of skinny jeans. It was a perfect outfit for our hot weather. This is the tank top she bought: https://m.kohls.com/product/prd-4779077/juniors-so-fashion-detail-tank-top.jsp?prdPV=12&userPFM=non-search&diestoreid=588&selectShip=true

Today her stepmom picked her up with her two sons, and they waited outside in their car for her while got her stuff together.

Moments after my daughter left, she came backed inside, obviously upset, and went directly to her room, saying she was told to change her top and cover up. It was 85F degrees outside. My daughter put on a long sleeved sweater, and went back to her stepmom’s car. Then she came in a second time, claiming her stepmom thought a fucking sweater was too revealing because it had a V neckline, so she put on the same old hoodie sweatshirt and left again, begging me not to confront her stepmom.

Stunned, I texted her stepmom and asked if their was an issue with my daughter’s clothes. To paraphrase, her stepmom’s response was this:

“My son is approaching puberty and has a history of abuse/trauma. I’ve asked [your daughter] to watch her neckline and cover herself when he’s around so he won’t be triggered to be sexually inappropriate with her. We’ve all had to make changes to protect my son’s mental health so he won’t be triggered, so I don’t know why she’s upset.”

My reply:

“I see. Unfortunately, boys who aren’t raised properly do inappropriate things to girls whether they’re mentally healthy or not. It sends a highly sexist message when we imply that a boy’s poor behavior is caused by girls’ clothing. My daughter could wear a burka and a boy will act inappropriately if he’s not taught proper boundaries. I am also a survivor of childhood abuse, and I have never sexualized my own siblings or tried to police other people’s wardrobes.”

Later, her dad came over to double down on making my daughter cover up in a hoodie. He was visibly shaking and screaming at the thought of my daughter wearing a tank top. He said if she’s under his roof she will wear what he tells her to wear. My husband had to kick him out.

My daughter has expressed that she wants to live with me full time. Her dad’s house is a fucking toxic environment, and I want to get her out of there. She’s been forced to wear fucking hoodies for years now even when it’s over 100F degrees outside. I am fuming on her behalf.

Thank you for reading this, guys. Any support is appreciated.