“Getting off the apps” doesn’t help when the same mindsets are predominant

PMmeareasontolive · 2024-06-05T03:08:57+00:00

You have to find that magical "social circle" everyone keeps yapping about. Social proof is a helluva thing. Unless you have the kind of looks (or, yes bloops, sparkling personality) that people can project their stuff positively towards, you're going to be regarded as a nonentity.

PurplePillDebate-ModTeam · 2024-06-05T08:51:57+00:00

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throwaway164_3 · 2024-06-05T02:14:18+00:00

I know where you are coming from, however a man in the 5'9-5'11 range will absolutely do better IRL than on the apps. He is indistinguishable from 6' but on apps women care more.

Also most men can't create profiles for shit. Heaps of guys I know have profiles with serial killer vibes when it doesn't reflect them in reality at all.

2024-06-05T04:59:29+00:00

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2024-06-05T03:19:59+00:00

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FreitasAlan · 2024-06-05T09:15:24+00:00

I don’t think the suggestion is “getting off the apps” and doing nothing instead. Many of these comments are also about the quality and not the quantity of dates because you can obviously get more dates by just using the app more.

If you just want to find anyone, the apps might be better. If you have some standards, meeting these standards in real life might be easier and at least less time consuming. Without a common social circle, you’re relying only on the person to learn about them. They can hide red flags for years and make you waste time. A common social circle can often save you years in each relationship that could fail.

I’m not sure apps are the reality now. Many people are not on these apps and many people have never been on apps. Especially women. Let’s say 30% is people are there, but women are 3x less likely to be there so you can do the math and it would be more like 15% of women are there. Not everyone has a public Instagram account either. Many just post a story every once in a while and use it to talk to friends.

But most importantly, many higher quality people never had to be on the apps because they have hobbies and good social circles that already give them more options than they could ever handle. There are high and low quality women just like there are high and low quality men. Outside online dating, you’re usually not going on a date with someone who’s on their n-th date that week.

Let’s assume it’s roughly the bottom 15% of women who are on the apps, so missing the top 85% is a bad idea. And the hobbies of these 15% are nothing but hooking up with Chad every once in a while so they’re lower value and will give you more work because “hypergamy” anyway. If they had any hobbies they wouldn’t have time for the apps. That “top” 85% at least is usually the kind of people you want to meet. People who have a social life. People on apps are leftovers in terms of social circles in a sense.

NalkaNalka · 2024-06-05T03:31:09+00:00

Using dating apps for the average or below average guy is just as bad as playing the lottery. The ROI is incredibly low and the worst part is that it keeps people in a state of hopeful helplessness. Instead of getting off their asses and making changes to their life, they keep hoping that one day their winning ticket will come up and they won't have to put in the hard work to succeed in the real world.

If dating apps didn't exist there would be way less incls.

Also women behave completely differently in real life because everyone behaves differently in real life vs online.

Electronic-Poet-1328 · 2024-06-05T02:21:30+00:00

I don’t think it’s bad advice. I was on the apps for years but all three of my relationships were from people I met through friends or in person.

People are also just less judgmental in real life because you have more data to judge someone off than the superficial. There’s also just less pressure when you go on a date irl with someone you’ve already met.

throwawaypi123 · 2024-06-05T12:27:50+00:00

Yeah it's true. However getting off the apps is about your mental health. Swiping on apps comes at an extremely grave cost to self image as an average man. Where it wouldn't have anywhere near the same effect for hot guys and most women.

No one on earth can weather large scale rejection without becoming massively embittered and then everyone eventually starts calling them entitled on top of that. That's like a 2 punch knock out to someone on the floor.

Don't let anyone say what you can or cannot have.

meteorness123 · 2024-06-05T14:29:23+00:00

Meh, I think we massively shoot ourselves in the foot by only making use of dating apps. In fact, I've interpreted my presence on the apps as me not being social enough which was true. So many opportunities outside : Coffeshop, librabry, gym, seminar, sports.

cheemspurpletreats · 2024-06-05T04:11:27+00:00

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Difficult_Falcon1022 · 2024-06-05T12:20:36+00:00

Sometimes people become over reliant on apps for a few reasons, so as advice I think it's more about saying to break that.

If you're disconnected from your local community, don't have a strong network or group of friends, transplant to the city, work from home, live alone etc. Then dating apps are of course going to be crucial to you have a dating life.

But I think you need to work on the aforementioned things in all the usual ways, which will necessitate redirecting some time and energy from the apps. It doesn't have to mean getting off them entirely, although that approach will work for some.

So yeah I do agree as a singular piece of advice it doesn't mean much, but I do think it taps into something important.

RubyDiscus · 2024-06-05T05:45:28+00:00

I think message based dating apps will be better for men than irl or swipe based apps

shmupsy · 2024-06-05T12:31:06+00:00

Why keep making the same point over and over that low-looks men are gonna have trouble dating no matter what?

You never propose any solution

neverendingplush · 2024-06-05T13:16:16+00:00

Apps didn't do anything but reveal pre existing behaviours and enabled them. Women's standards for men didn't artificially increase. Their options were limited to what was around them locally and who they could meet. So women before apps probably dated and settled for dudes due to lack of availability and ability to perhaps meet someone else.

A lot of men are mad now because they think women's pickiness is a result of the internet when they've always been like this, it just was kept controlled in a sense by limited options.

I guarantee if 80s 90s had tinder and so forth a lot of men wouldn't have been passed over by their current partners for someone they would perceive as better.

Wide-Illustrator2906 · 2024-06-05T14:01:52+00:00

Getting out the country is much better advice

CaramelOld484 · 2024-06-05T02:31:35+00:00

I get it dude I actually did worse on apps than I ever did in real life. But even for me the guy that supposedly is the top 10% of men a chad mcchaddington. I can’t get play from the girls I think are really attractive and when I get to know them through other people or interaction I don’t want to know them.

obviousredflag · 2024-06-05T11:58:01+00:00

Any guy struggling with dating has been told to “get off the apps”, as if meeting women in real life will somehow provide better results.

Get off the manosphere bullshit, is the advice for you. I see short guys with girlfriends every day. The statistics say short guys fuck Any possible type of man is in relationships and has sex. Short men are not filtered out.

Ok_Frosting6547 · 2024-06-05T02:24:16+00:00

The truth is, apps ARE reality now.

No they aren't. Meeting people in person and getting to know them will always be different from digital messaging and a few pictures to go off.

MongoBobalossus · 2024-06-05T09:39:44+00:00

This sounds like laziness and fear of rejection.

I wish y’all perpetual whiners would be honest.

superlurkage · 2024-06-05T16:02:28+00:00

Just because apps exist doesn’t mean they are mandatory

ChicoBrillo · 2024-06-05T18:34:06+00:00

I'm sure the anger and resentment is helping

GridReXX · 2024-06-05T23:28:43+00:00

Men who are at least average or above in looks and who are decently sociable are going to have a better time making connections IRL than on apps.

Apps work easiest for straight men who are top % in looks or for gay men.

Some questions for you so I can better address your pain point:

How tall are you?
Rate your face on a scale of one to ten
How often do you hang out with your friends in a given month? When you guys hang out what do you do?

Gold_Supermarket1956 · 2024-06-05T05:45:27+00:00

Bud... you will do better off the apps nearly all women set the height filter to 6ft they never even see your profile

Ok-Dust-4156 · 2024-06-05T11:16:09+00:00

There's a thing called "non-verbal signals" that are critical for attraction. Like how you talk, how you walk, your gestures and so on. Internet just can't transfer them. That's why you should get off the apps.

TRTGymBro1 · 2024-06-05T16:42:29+00:00

Guys just want shortcuts. Go out there and hunt for what you want. If you can’t do that, you genetic lineage dies off with you.

2024-06-05T05:40:07+00:00

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Significant_Bike_931 · 2024-06-05T08:27:34+00:00

Modern technology has enabled women's hypergamy to an extent that has never been seen before in all of history. Women used to be confined to their local area where they lived, and whatever men were there. For most of history it was within walking distance, a little further on a horse. Now they can see all the "chad" men within 100s of miles and even beyond, and all they need is car, train, or plane to get the dick they want. Or they can have it delivered. Women are hardwired to care about sex far less than us due to having much less testosterone, and they are hypergamous too. Women are ruthless and merciless in their sexual selection, and even chad doesn't get off scott free, he still pays for it in his time, and the time he spent at the gym, and his money and possesions and clothes. And if he is dumb enough to "commit" he pays in all the money he spends on her, and if he marries her and has kids with hers, now he is her slave, and a slave to the kids of course. The state will ensure he pays out, whether he lives with the girl and kids or not. Is all of this really worth it for a wet hole? Fleshlights, onaholes, prostitution, and the coming sex robots all sound like a much better deal. Plus if you try long enough on tinder eventually you can bed someone anyway. Its all just a numbers game.

Substantial_Video560 · 2024-06-05T09:27:25+00:00

I made my one last ditch attempt a few momths ago thinking things might have changed but it was still the same cesspit it always has been. Nothing had changed.

One good thing that came out of it however was to not live a lie anymore and come out as aromantic asexual, so dating apps served a positive purpose for me in the end.

Unusual_Implement_87 · 2024-06-05T13:35:46+00:00

People will just keep moving the goal post.

No_Matter_8648 · 2024-06-06T14:47:58+00:00

OP you are one of the good ones I see around here. Short & sweet all those garbage repsonse are from normies, wokies, NPCs, & delusional women. We know this & of course you are 100% right.

In my few days hanging around here it’s tragically just more of the same stuff & there won’t be any solutions to be had. The women we like are not even remotely around here cuz until they hit the wall they just don’t seem to care…

jimmothyhendrix · 2024-06-09T20:41:50+00:00

People ignore the fact dating irl unless it's picking up someone at a bar has significant potential fallout and awkwardness. When you go on an app you know the intentions, when you try to meet people through social clubs you aren't sure and have a lot more risk.

ETGrowHome · 2024-06-10T15:02:43+00:00

I’ve noticed more people irl spewing chronically online rhetoric, using “incel, alpha, beta, mog”, it is becoming a cultural phenomenon which is interesting, and also scary. I think we’re big fucked.

antarctica6 · 2024-06-05T04:34:17+00:00

The same mindsets are not predominant.

More often than not, the girl will choose the cute, funny guy who asks her out at a friend's party over whatever hundred random Chads trying to shoot their shot on app.

I'm on the shorter side so I haven't had much success on the apps. But I do fine irl.

Girls will tell you that they "don't care about height" but the simple fact that there's a quantifiable number underneath your picture will always have at the very least, a subconscious effect on their decision-making, whether they'd like to admit it or not.

Previous-Pea-638 · 2024-06-05T02:22:28+00:00

41F. I've pretty much given up on dating in general, but approaching irl would never work for someone like me.

I have a couple of massive dealbreakers, one of which is "childfree men only". I can't exactly start talking to a guy that's a virtual stranger and ask him if he has kids. It's a weird question to ask.

It would be awkward if he did, because I wouldn't no longer be interested in talking to said guy.

pg_throwaway · 2024-06-05T02:37:09+00:00

Apps aren't real life. Relationships are meant to happen in real life, and they should start there too.

Men would be much happier if they threw out the apps and learned good social circle game.

DzejSiDi · 2024-06-05T10:33:34+00:00

Another cope "life is Tinder" post.

There is existing A+ tier solution for average man to land a lot of women: having a vast, active social circles with a lot of women inside. But for most younger people it is easier said than done. Creating it would require a lot of work, effort, time and leaving that famous comfort zone. Ayy, that's realy bad. But fortunately for you, you can just rationalise that life is Tinder and it won't work anyway! Yay, now you're smart for not wasting effort on something not yielding results, right?

No, as I said, that's pure cope for not being able/not wanting to try IRL.

Telling a short man for instance to “get off the apps” won’t increase his chances of finding a partner who won’t significantly downgrade him due to his height.

That's true. Now she needs to "cope" that existing men aren't perfect. On Tinder a couple of profiles win out of 1000 or so. IRL you need to look at the best option out of 10. It is FAR easier plus familiarity skews female's perception, watch hoe_math videos about that. Also >despise, such a strong word and that's a pure projection, you despise your suboptimal trait, she doesn't even care about you at all, that includes your height.

DoubleFistBishh · 2024-06-05T02:33:14+00:00

Yea it does. In person people have more to go off of than just an often poorly angled picture and vague bio lol. And most people are pretty terrible at measuring things with their eyes so if you're at least about 5'8 most women wont have an issue with your height.

saving_private_ryan_ · 2024-06-05T04:53:37+00:00

Apps are useless. I'm a homebody introvert. I've been hit on by women IRL and get glances at the grocery store. And I'm no young Brad Pitt. I made a tinder account with a profile pic of myself last year and got 5 likes in less than 5 minutes. Casual sex / hook up culture is not for me.

Everyone on the apps wants kids / marriage. I don't want any of those so I suppose I could get laid if I wanted to I just choose not to since it's pointless.

I wonder if its location based? I live in Tampa, FL and 99% of women here want kids, have kids already, or want to get married. No thank you, please.

januaryphilosopher · 2024-06-05T05:29:39+00:00

So you think there's no difference between people who use dating apps and the general public? How come some people use dating apps and others don't then?

fucksiclepizza · 2024-06-05T05:51:54+00:00

Fuck, have men always been this whiney or is this new thing.

BoomTheBear86 · 2024-06-05T11:50:18+00:00

I love how this post is claiming that even the women “off tinder” have tinder brain, which is rotting their approach to dating.

When this sub is a fantastic example of how many men (yourself included) have the male equivalent of the same. Every time someone tries to give you an anecdote which might contradict you, you just reject it because “she’ll reject you because she has guys in the bench”, pretty much verbatim blackpill online shitposting with that one.

There’s no point giving any advice or debating at all if, when chastising women for being unable to “get out of tinder brain” you yourself are completely unprepared to consider stepping away from the very same thing.

All the tinder brain men can complain endlessly and all the alleged tinder brain women can cycle and swipe endlessly meanwhile the people who still have faith in and live in reality without the paranoia of suspecting it’s all subject to “subtle mechanistic forces influenced by OLD” can just go around taking people at face value, occasionally getting fucks and relationships out of it and be happy with their lot.

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BatemaninAccounting · 2024-06-05T21:25:00+00:00

94% of men have had 1 LTR by the time they're 29 years old. Explain to me how if the apps are the "only mentality that women have" that this isn't negatively affecting vast majority of men?

Planthoe30 · 2024-06-05T09:14:26+00:00

I don’t think deleting apps is a good idea because some people manage it and it is part of casting a wide net. I do believe a lot of men won’t have success with them if my dating history with apps says anything. Men who valued me enough to be my friends for years were always preferred and who I dated 7/8 times I have been in serious relationships only 1 was from an app and all others from the app I saw once and ghosted except 1 guy whom I ghosted after the fourth date maybe third. Problem is when we don’t have history then whatever trait you have I deem to be undesirable won’t be made up for by the traits I love because I don’t know they exist. Dating men I didn’t know in hopes we could have a long relationship was comparable to trying to make money gambling.

Title	“Getting off the apps” doesn’t help when the same mindsets are predominant
Author	Sure_Tourist1088
Upvotes	160
Comments	373
Date	June 5, 2024 2:11 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1d8euh3/getting_off_the_apps_doesnt_help_when_the_same/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/getting-off-the-apps-doesnt-help-when-the-same.1520583 https://theredarchive.com/post/1520583

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