Pick-Me and Cool Girls Mega Thread

throwingwearethrowin · 2021-03-26T18:25:15+00:00

Pick-Me! If my life goal was to get a man and I was very insecure, I would be a cool girl or pick me. I am not so insecure where I put my wants and needs on the back burner, and my life goal isn’t to get a man. Pick-Mes aren’t winners. You men seem to really want a pickme but you don’t actually know what that means. That means the honey moon phase is great and lasts a whiles day she just spoils you and everything seems great. Then one day your pickme says I want you to cook dinner and clean the dishes once a week. She’s never asked you to do that. You do it once but you get busy the next week and couldn’t make time for it. She asks you again and you do but you aren’t as good of a cook as her. She then asks you to do your own laundry. You don’t. So she withholds sex and intimacy until you do. Pretty soon you don’t even recognize the woman you are with. She set the expectations of you very low, and her expectations very high in the beginning of the relationship. Once she got you, she wanted to be happy too, and grew resentful towards you for not changing the rules with her. A cool girl is not really a real woman. She’s the fantasy she will play to get a man. You cannot be a cool girl and a healthy happy woman.

IOportA · 2021-03-26T17:58:19+00:00

A pickme is just a woman who makes a man feel like a man.

Some women will say a woman shouldn't have to make a man feel like a man

But then other women will remember that famous song "you make me feel like a natural woman" and understand it goes both ways

IOportA · 2021-03-26T17:54:20+00:00

I would love to meet a pickme, I'd treat her the way loud mouth feminist women secretly want to be treated by a man

SeemedGood · 2021-03-26T04:48:16+00:00

What's a "Pickmesha" ??

wub1234 · 2021-03-25T16:46:10+00:00

How do people keep up with all this weird terminology?

MadsMkay · 2021-03-25T07:10:43+00:00

LVM men are the ones that like Pickmes, not self respecting HVMs

Laytheblameonluck · 2021-03-25T06:10:22+00:00

"Men just use women for sex"

And then...

"Sex isn't a relationship, I don't need to tell dates I have an FWB".

Things that make you go hmmmm... .

MyDarlingGirl · 2021-03-24T18:33:50+00:00

Surprised by the comments. Doormats will get walked all over, whether they are men or women. I have always been treated better when I've been 100% direct about what I want and been clear about my expectations. Both men and women have also told me that they respected me for it. For obvious reasons, "pick mes" and "cool girls" don't typically set expectations because they are so focused on obtaining their "prize" (a man, most likely).

People don't respect those who don't respect themselves.

2021-03-24T17:53:12+00:00

Honestly, being a pick me is a viable strategy for most basic teenage girls, and if they get their chad they get their chad and are super happy, that's that.

People have to understand though the whole reason pick me girls have existed throughout time was to hope a chad starts a LTR with her. Not an average good nerdy glasses high school boy she keeps as a friend.

The whole basis of a true "pick me" also demonstrates the antithesis of narcissism, the girl consciously realizing she should be super happy to get a chad & won't be dramatic or ruin the relationship somehow.

passepar2t · 2021-03-24T10:27:57+00:00

PPD women who use the term "pickme" are basically like /pol/sters or 8channers.

blueribbonskies · 2021-03-24T10:26:06+00:00

It seems to me that the pickme term has expanded to cover every woman who genuinely enjoys interacting/dating/having sex with men and contributes to relationship proactively. Any man who would rather choose some ice queen who thinks that she is "a prize in herself" and just wants to lay there and "be treated like a queen" is a sucker. So yeah, "pickmes" will get way better men

Ok_Swim_2691 · 2021-03-24T06:30:06+00:00

MBTI/Astrology signs are dumb enough yet here we are, sorting people into black and white groups like pickme/fds user or alpha/beta for the men.

It shows that when the day comes that humanity stops discriminating by skin color and class, they'll find something else to feel superior about and lord over others with.

rsoko2 · 2021-03-24T05:15:59+00:00

There are many different types and levels of "pickmes" however their defining trait is that they change and mold themselves specifically for male attention. This is why they are trash. They are not true to their actual beliefs r personality and many of them put other women down in the process.

It's a good strategy for getting A guy, but not the best strategy for getting a good guy, and it's a strategy that will never ever find you "the one". Real relationships require real behavior.

PickleLine · 2021-03-23T20:44:32+00:00

Men LOVE pickmes for both relationships and casual sex.

The problem is that pickmes are only pickmeing to Chad. These pickmes weren't going to get a relationship from Chad anyway and it has nothing to do with their behavior. The solution is not to be hypergamous and to go for men at your level.

Ladies, if you want a man, your best bet is to pickme to him.

abaxeron · 2021-03-23T13:49:30+00:00

Someone, somewhere, unavoidably: "Gaaaalz, is doing Kegels a pickme thing?"

PollaTronante · 2021-03-23T00:00:33+00:00

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SaBahRub · 2021-03-22T21:45:38+00:00

Door mats get walked on

And no one respects free shit

_mwk · 2021-03-22T21:06:49+00:00

are we using the fds definition of pickme or the mainstream one ?

LeatherDifference583 · 2021-03-22T20:23:25+00:00

Are they scum? No, of course not.

Is it a terrible strategy? Yes, of course it is.

Same goes with simps

QuenchlessGato · 2021-03-22T17:03:16+00:00

Pick-me paired up with a simp is the ideal BP fantasy.

Sir_manalot · 2021-03-22T16:38:52+00:00

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LeatherDifference583 · 2021-03-22T15:47:09+00:00

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LeatherDifference583 · 2021-03-22T15:45:07+00:00

Looks to me like the "cool girl" is also a "pickmeisha". A subcategory of pickmeisha.

Cool girl: The girl who does "guy stuff" and hangs around guys specifically for the purpose of ingratiating herself to men in hopes one will pick her. Claims to love and be interested in masculine interests, or whatever her man is interested in. She doesn't make waves - she just does whatever the guys want. When she gets with one guy, she does whatever he wants and subordinates her own interests to his.

athrowaway283222 · 2021-03-22T15:15:55+00:00

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Teflon08191 · 2021-03-22T14:58:29+00:00

A pick-me is just the demonized version of a woman who appreciates and endeavors to reciprocate all of the ways her man makes her life better.

A humble, selfless woman.

Of course here's where "selfless" gets interpreted negatively as "has no boundaries and gets walked all over", because that's the only way a narcissist could ever interpret applying the word "selfless" to themselves.

King_D0ng · 2021-03-22T13:49:57+00:00

It's pretty much impossible to discuss pick-me's as there is a compete failure to actually create a consistent definition of one. I've seen 3 main definitions used to describe pick-me's that describe 3 different types of women.

The first is a low self esteem woman that is incapable of setting healthy boundaries and is desperate for male attention. This need for male attention can either come in the form of the general male population or from a specific man. The general woman population uses this definition. I think a noticeable minority of women can partially relate to feeling a need for general male attention but I think most women relate to the part about being desperate to get attention from a specific man. I believe this is the intended definition.

The 2nd definition that I see used describes pick-me's as low maintenance women and/or women who put in high effort in making their partners happy. These women do not necessarily have the desperation/lack of boundaries that define pick-me's even though they do share the lower expectations and/or high effort towards their partner. I mostly see men use this definition. I believe this difference in definition arose from women doing a bad job of describing what their definition of a pick-me.

The 3rd definition of a pick-me is a woman who does anything that a man likes that doesn't result in an immediate and tangible benefit to the woman. I see this mainly used by FDS type of women. It's pretty obvious they came to this definition due to their disdain towards the general male population.

RepresentativeSwan1 · 2021-03-22T10:31:36+00:00

Pickmeisha, aka the ideal wife, amirite

Obzen__ · 2021-03-22T10:17:13+00:00

I’m a former pick me. Used to text him constantly, hang onto his every word, and when he’d disappear for days I’d tell myself “he’s busy stop obsessing.” I used to compliment that hell out of him thinking he’d feel appreciated and good about himself and thus appreciate me. Anyway I put up with a lot of this shit so he knew he could treat me like shit and get away with it. He also talked to me like I was his fan. Basically all the flattery got to his head. On our first formal date the second thing that came out of his mouth was a slight dig at my appearance. Mind you weeks earlier when he saw me at a concert he was telling how I’m “perfect/gorgeous/couldn’t stop thinking about me.” Did a complete 180 once he get he “had me”.

2021-03-22T09:27:58+00:00

I've thought that a pickmeisha is a woman who always puts her interests lower than her partner and who's ready to shit on all other women for men's attention. But it seems people have pretty different opinions about them and some think that any care towards men makes a woman a pickmeisha. I don't really agree with it.

_Neon_Shadow_ · 2021-03-22T08:17:53+00:00

Pick-Mes are awesome. They are always more understanding, less combative, and more logical than other women. The fact that they sympathize with men makes dealing with them a lot easier. Women want to brand any woman that is sympathetic and supportive of men as toxic and desperate, but that couldn't be further from the truth. The women they call pick-me's are usually A-rank wifey material.

I remember this woman on FB bragged about taking care of her boyfriend, by buying him gifts and spoiling him. People were absolutely heated! Other women called her pick-me, desperate, stupid, etc. The women in the comments were absolutely appalled at the idea of putting in effort, not being the prize, and treating someone else. Greedy. Selfish. Lazy. All of them. Its no wonder marriage rates are declining when most women think treating their partner is a sign of desperation.

Fellas, find you a Pickmeisha and let her treat you like the King you are.

Im_The_Daiquiri_Man · 2021-03-22T06:35:07+00:00

Even the most frigid, soulless FDSer is a pick-me for the right Chad.

Be that Chad.

The end.

towerofcheeeeza · 2021-03-22T06:31:47+00:00

Girls who are desperate to prove they're "not like other girls" are annoying, but I also feel like FDS's definition of a pick me is a bit too critical. Just because a girl is willing to go Dutch or is okay with their bf playing video games doesn't make them a pick me. I feel like a lot of women on FDS are older (like over 30) and their views can be pretty outdated or impractical. I've seen a lot of criticism on FDS of women who live with their boyfriends because they're "giving wife benefits" without marriage, or stuff like if he doesn't propose in like 3 years he clearly doesn't want to marry you. Maybe that's true if you're in your thirties or forties, but fresh out of college, many young people aren't ready for marriage. Also living together can be cheaper AND fun. I don't live with my boyfriend and split rent because I'm worried if I don't he'll leave me. If you've been dating someone since college, you might be dating for 5+ years before engagement bc everyone only gets entry level jobs and/or want to focus on building a career or grad school or whatever. I think FDS has some good principles but I feel like they're really judgmental of other women which just isn't okay in my book.

Laytheblameonluck · 2021-03-22T05:25:51+00:00

Pick (on) me girls need to join gangs and wear gang colours to stop the FDS from beating them up.

Ok_Razzmatazz_1751 · 2021-03-22T03:19:47+00:00

I'm confused by this post 🤷

2021-03-22T02:12:57+00:00

Slutty kinkmeishas are superior 😍

CMV

rft24 · 2021-03-22T02:11:00+00:00

why is doing something with the intention of pleasing your man considered pick-me behavior? does wanting to please your partner make you a pick-me? or are people just using the term wrong? because i’ve seen women call other women pick-me’s for wanting to please their partners on social media many times.

i mean obviously you shouldn’t do something for someone if it hurts you or goes against your morals or if that person treats you like shit or something; but if none of those things are true, why is that something considered shameful?

ChibsFilipTelfordd · 2021-03-22T01:51:50+00:00

It's impossible to discuss pickmes because they're impossible to define.

I've seen about 10 definitions on this thread already, from female simp, to doormat, to codependent, to normal nice girl in relationship, to popular girl who is resented by ugly FDSers, to slut who gives sex up too quickly, and everything in between.

BlackPorcelainDoll · 2021-03-22T00:43:38+00:00

My 2 cents: They are "tactics" that work and can be utilized like Dark Triad for women. On average, these women will have higher scores on: Machiavellianism and Psychopathy (re: low empathy - high irrational compassion); than non-Pick Me women (with Narc traits) but otherwise, low Narcissism scores. High-functioning PickMe women may also exhibit Asperger-like traits and patterns of behavior (can be found in highly "logical" women) as well, who otherwise feel at loss. You may also see an increase in such behaviors under stress.

The Pick-Me:

Puts his well-being over hers for selfish reasons - or either obliviously so - (untreated disorders/traumas, naivety, reactionary, anxietic - etc..). Deep seated insecurity. The motivation is usually driven by selfish ones more than selfless ones; but the selfish intentions are indistinguishable for males.

Re: selfishness rather than self-interest ("Romantic Love" is the highest form of love (Twin flames, soulmates, et al..) over Friendship/Habitual Care (husband/wife, girlfriend/boyfriend, mutuality).
The former almost always is suboptimal for parties involved. In so far as an unwell woman can almost never care for another being at peak optimization.
A woman that cares for, and prioritizes her agency will almost always be healthy; or working towards mitigating the unhealthy, thus always able to provide habitual care.

PickMe's with self-awareness likely have 50/50 success rate, if we are to find the fundamentals to be irrelevant. If the question is whether or not it "works" then yes, it works. Although I find this tactic in the performative sense to self-defeating.

There are also women to where this treats are more innate to personality than in others to where it is not performative (re: higher agreeableness, lower neuroticism) seemed to be common in those to which the condition of Pickme'ism is innate; then there are Pick-Me's to which the behavior is largely performative (re: low disagreeable women, higher neuroticism).

E.g., performative trad-conism, no housewife/gold digger distinctions, higher susceptibility to ideology, religious, group-think (re: FDS, Pill religions, etc..).

Pick Me's & Femininity

These women also participate in (4) different modes of femininity (Reactive, Expectant, Dark, Intrinsic) either innately or performatively as I describe here: https://www.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/l8z3sc/does_being_attractive_feel_like_a_expectation_or/glfo2uo/?context=3

Pick Me's seem to fall into: Reactive femininity if innate and Expectant femininity categories. While performative Pick-Mes utilizing it as a strategy via self-awareness may have traits related to the Dark Feminine such as Machiavellian overlap.

____________

More observed patterns/tendencies:

Typically may exhibit or have underlying issues such as: Borderline Personality Disorder, Narcissism, Bi-Polar, Impulsive & Mood Disorders. Soft psych traits: anxious attachment styles prevalent, disporprortionate Love-Bombing from the female relative to relationship duration, weak-familiarity with the male, high-opportunism, etc.

Distinguishing between a PickMe and a Caring Woman:

Non self-serving habitual care to where the woman's well-being is prioritized at equal capacity as the males vs otherwise.

Ex; 1

"If I do X, he will never leave ME - because I couldn't bare it," (sub-optimal/self-sacrificing). Heroic, reactive.

v.

Ex; 2

"If I habitually care for X; the likelihood is almost always," (optimizing/compromising). Proactive, contemplative.

________________________________________________________________________________________________

"THE COOL GIRL"

As I understand it:

A woman that performs or participates in a combination of expectant behaviors of her opportunistically and non-feminine behaviors. Typically non-normative behaviors for the female and normative ones.

This woman is not a Pick-Me by default, but there can be overlap.

2021-03-22T00:15:02+00:00

Pick me is just another name for female beta

A female beta is a slut who gives away her bargaining chip (ie, sex) too easily and to too many men. They’re sexually easy and have high n counts. As a result, they are not respected by men, which is why they’re female betas

One caveat: if a woman wasn’t a “pick me” in the past and is just a pick me for the current guy, then that’s the highest value woman and the man will respect her. A pick me is only low value if she was also a pick me for many men in her past.

Similarly, a male beta is an emotional slut who gives away his bargaining chip (ie, commitment, validation, time and attention) too easily and to too many women. They’re emotionally easy and have high friend zone counts. As a result, they’re not respected by women, which is why they’re male betas.

LeatherDifference583 · 2021-03-21T23:39:08+00:00

Has anyone actually known a pick-me in real life? Like an adult woman, not a moody teenager who just wants to be special.

At this point I've only seen/heard about them online. So when people ask "are they successful"...no idea. As long as I'm just reading accounts from internet strangers and have never actually seen it work or fail in practice it's hard to say one way or the other.

IcarusKiki · 2021-03-21T21:54:52+00:00

Pick mes are the types of women who can’t get along in the FSM so they suck up to men in order to get validation (usually with mixed results). It’s the gender-flipper version of a simp. Technically I act like a pick me to my bf but that doesn’t matter since he treats me just as well. If he wasn’t in a relationship with me and I was cooking for him and having sex whenever he wanted I would be a pick me.

Whisper · 2021-03-21T21:44:34+00:00

Depends who you ask.

Skipmeshas hate and envy them, because they get male attention.

tiposk · 2021-03-21T21:34:40+00:00

I always thought that pick-mes and cool girls were different.

A pick-me is someone who changes her habits and behaviors to fit those she thinks would be preferred by men. She tends to be hostile to other women and believes that all the issues men have are the fault of other women.

A cool girl, on the other hand, would be a fantasy woman who's one of the guys, but still sexually attractive. Likes video games and other stereotypically male hobbies that women don't tend to like.

Fit_Toe_329 · 2021-03-21T21:27:42+00:00

Being a doormat or sycophantic will result in you being walked over, this applies to anyone. It's more or less the same as being a simp.

The 'cool girl' thing is criticised because being perpetually contrived isn't good for oneself, and other people have a general distaste for fakery. There's only so long anyone can keep up a charade.

wtknight · 2021-03-21T21:17:43+00:00

Every woman I've dated started trying to like some of the things that I've liked in an effort to try to attract me, and I did things that she liked to do because I wanted her to like me, too. This is normal relationship behavior, and women who don't do anything to try to attract the men who they are into and men who don't do anything to appeal to the women whom they like should be avoided by both genders.

2021-03-21T21:15:40+00:00

I think putting yourself out there to "peacock" and also denigrating the competition ("You don't want her, she's been with the whole town/school/office") are strategies that work for women, but I wouldn't say that they acquire "high quality men" with this strategy. High quality guys know who and what they want already, so acting like a used-car salesman in the dating world isn't going to help you make a sale with the guy who knows that the lot is full of lemons.

Bandit174 · 2021-03-21T21:13:48+00:00

I think there are guys who would genuinely appreciate and value a girl like that but they probably are not the men she wants. The guys that the pick mes actually go for have so many options that they treat them as disposable because they are to men who have infinite options.

kissmetilyouredrunk · 2021-03-21T21:12:57+00:00

Does doing anal automatically make you a pick me?

pre-DrChad · 2021-03-21T21:05:00+00:00

Where can a man get a pick me?

Asking for a friend

2021-03-21T21:00:38+00:00

As long as the attraction is genuine I have no problem with women letting guys they like know. What guy wouldn't want a woman who actually wants him and who lets that fact be known.

2021-03-21T20:47:02+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Title	Pick-Me and Cool Girls Mega Thread
Author	AutoModerator
Upvotes	11
Comments	477
Date	March 21, 2021 8:00 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/ma4qqv/pickme_and_cool_girls_mega_thread/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/pick-me-and-cool-girls-mega-thread.1190010 https://theredarchive.com/post/1190010

Comments

The Pick-Me:

Pick Me's & Femininity

More observed patterns/tendencies:

Distinguishing between a PickMe and a Caring Woman: