Q4M: What are the common problems you've run into with women in LTRs?

Aaren_Augustine · 2018-10-22T14:18:59+00:00

Not all women, but enough women -

They're too easily dismissive of men's need for sex. Just don't reject them or you'll crush them completely.

They are often terrible at self-care; which is bad as it will lead to a lot of 'accidental' or 'you deserved it' behavior. It'll be your fault she's not happy and that'll be the rationale for some real bullshit.

They can really suck at expressing any kind of gratitude. Because there simply is none.

And if they can't express gratitude it's becuase they have no ability to be vulnerable. So they often aren't able to be anything a guy might find fun to be with. Some might call that masculine but its definitely boring.

Mr_Smoogs · 2018-10-22T14:11:36+00:00

The most common problem for me is that women, especially in LTRs, expect you to be able to read their minds. The average man just doesn't have the social acuity of the average woman. I think many women suddenly expect men to become women in many ways and it is cause for friction.

The second most common problem I think is that your gf will come to you with a problem and you rush to provide solutions, much to her chagrin, instead of just sitting there and validating her concerns. This goes back to women suddenly expecting men to be women.

It's like shit lady, you're the heterosexual one who likes men. Why do you want me to act like a woman so much? And I'm not fully convinced it's what she truly wants anyway. I'm pretty sure she would lose all sexual attraction if I regularly acted like one of her gf's.

InformalCriticism · 2018-10-22T14:11:44+00:00

Banal discussion topics (constantly wanting to talk about people rather than ideas in general).
Materialism/money - Complain one minute about bills, and that same day buy a heap of Halloween/fall decorations.
Prone to massive flux in emotions and moods due to hormones 12 times a year.
Will distort the truth to always put themselves in a favorable light, either by lies or omission. Behaving like a child if they are ever confronted or held accountable for their bullshit.
Godawful communication abilities. (e.g. Vaguely talking about planning a trip, and expecting to leave that day for it).

You only wanted 5, but more are available on request.

Truedemocracy4 · 2018-10-22T15:30:54+00:00

oh this is easy. Sadly, too many men will just settle for whoever sticks with them and put up with bs. The deal breakers for me:

being a party girl - I like to go out and have a good time. But if every weekend of yours is night at the bars until the AM and a Sunday funday then you are not going to translate into real adulthood very well. That shit should be done by your mid 20s
finances - I don't need you to be some super saver (though it's a huge turn on) but so many women, and maybe men too but I don't date them so wouldn't know, are absolute shit with finances. Either rely on parents money or have no problem spending their husbands. I want someone to add to the pot
intelligence - can I talk to you about ideas and current events? If it's just gossip get out.
social media use - can't we have a nice moment to ourselves without the world to see

Lewd_Crude · 2018-10-22T17:54:01+00:00

Mind reading: Women expect you to just know what they want even if they haven't hinted at it and it isn't because they are smarter socially. If you do the same thing back to them they won't get it. In fact they have trouble emathizing with men even when you directly tell them what you are thinking/feeling. Which leads to my next point.
Self centered: Tend to be more materialistic and demand more time and resources from their partner than they would be willing to give. Has higher expectations in a partner than they do in themselves.
Not content: Most women just plain aren't content with life. Their house isn't big enough, their clothes aren't fancy enough, their car isn't nice enough, their man isn't man enough etc. They think they should be happy all the time instead of just content. Happiness is a transient and active emotion. It's not meant to be a permanent state of being. The expectation that they should always be happy leads to depression and resentment of the things in their life they wish were better. If they strived to be more content (passive feeling of being ok with life) and appreciate the things they do have then they wouldn't be nearly as sad and would actually experience more happiness. They end up causing themselves so much suffering by constantly craving excitement, drama and material things.
Shit communication: I don't understand the meme of women being great communicators. Women by in large are shit communicators. Don't mistake quanity of communication for quality or skill. I have always had to settle the fights, open up discussions on how someone really feels about something etc. If you ask a woman to tell a story or explain something it's long, convoluted and meanders.
Lack of self awareness. Just completely unaware of how they actually feel or think about something outside the immediate moment they are in. Doesn't understand their own thought processes. Extreme bias in terms of fault and responsibility. More likely to engage in double standards.

abaxeron · 2018-10-22T14:35:06+00:00

I'll limit myself to top 1. I was never good enough, and she always tested my limits on how often and how intensely she could remind me of this. I lasted 6 years. Biggest mistake of my life.

NOTSM · 2018-10-22T14:50:58+00:00

I only have one real beef with women when it comes to a ltr

They’ll pick stupid fights over minor things but when it comes to real problems they suddenly develop this crippling fear of confrontation

CainPrice · 2018-10-22T14:22:12+00:00

Five things, huh? Hmm.

Women try way too hard to compartmentalize sex to the point where they don't know when and how to be sexual with guys they actually like. I've dated so many women who will have sex with a guy off of Tinder or a guy they meet in a bar the day they meet them, but if they actually like a guy, won't take him home. It's like they've gotten so used to being fun, forward, flirty, and sexy when they're meeting a guy for a pre-arranged hookup, that they overcompensate and are super-boring and practically asexual when they're on a real date.

Women try to pick fights when they're bored. They're not angry about what they say they're angry about. They're just bored, which makes them angry about absolutely everything. And when you try to assuage their anger by attending to the issue they're telling you about, they just get angrier, because they're still bored.

Women lie when they're afraid of what you'll think or say about something, as long as they can convince themselves that what they're lying about doesn't matter. Yes all women. Truth for its own sake when a woman doesn't think the issue matters is a non-existent value.

Women don't know when they're horny. Not all the time, but some of the time at least. A girl can need to be fucked. Bad. And it would make her feel a lot better. But no matter how much making out and touching you do, she's already convinced herself that she's tired, not horny, and that it's not going to happen. You literally have to sneak your hand into her pants while she's busy kissing you for her to notice - she'll reach an arm down to stop you, then suddenly realize that she's enjoying herself tremendously, and it's on. And you're like, how the fuck could she not have known she was that horny.

Women are too smart for their own good when it comes to emotional intelligence, and don't know what to do with that power. They can smell when you're just a little bit off or when you don't mean something you're saying or doing or when something you're doing for her isn't genuine. But they don't seem to understand that this is normal and that nobody is 1000% genuine and 1000% on every single minute of the day and make a big deal out of it.

TheGreasyPole · 2018-10-22T15:55:29+00:00

Well, if I’m going to pick one...

Women treating men like DIY projects. Something to be moulded/improved into something else more satisfactory to the girl.

Attempting to knock “the rough edges off” that sort of thing.

I don’t think I’ve ever seen a guy try to do this to a girl, but by god every woman seems to want to do this to their guy.

_Benny_Lava · 2018-10-22T16:22:58+00:00

They will do all sorts of awesome sexual stuff when you are first dating...but once they think they have you "hooked" then alot of that ends. Its like false advertising.

Yorkshiretea83 · 2018-10-22T14:36:05+00:00

They try and change you. Some women seem like they have found good raw material and the project starts now. Like a toy or pet or something.

They constantly need attention. Even if they are sick of you and hating you they want to hang around you all the time.

They constantly need to go shopping or to go out and do some stupid shit for no good reason. And then get upset if you tell them to go alone or with someone else.

Bean counting with chores. Childish.

crackrocksteady7 · 2018-10-22T17:01:48+00:00

She wastes all her money and then cries about being poor

analt223 · 2018-10-22T19:19:00+00:00

Show any weakness, it leads to her thinking "maybe hes not the one, better start testing the waters for a strong man"

wub1234 · 2018-10-22T14:54:23+00:00

The only problem I have encountered is that they always have a million things going on, and you're not necessarily a priority, let alone their number one priority.

For example, the woman I'm dating now is fairly young, and she's just got her first proper job (she studied for a Master's degree before that), and they're just absolutely sticking it to her. I would have been inclined to walk out, and indeed a friend that she has made of around her own age that started after her did walk out last week.

I don't think I've ever been with a woman, and I've been her priority. I can't imagine how you can possibly achieve this because they always have endless issues, many of which are caused by capitalism and economics. You just have to suck this up and accept it, or at least I've had to suck it up and accept it.

You always get this image of relationships in popular culture in which you sweep a woman off her feet. But my experience is that she's just not available enough for you to do that. How can you sweep someone off her feet when you can't even see her half the time because she's working every hour God sends to keep her head above water?

And, I suppose, the other problem is that I will often have more money, be more established, etc, that the woman I'm dating, certainly that is emphatically the case currently, and this creates a massive imbalance. Women don't want to feel like you're carrying them, but when there is this inequality of income / wealth / status then it can feel that way.

Pastelitomaracucho · 2018-10-22T16:24:33+00:00

The most common problem I have seen is that women have an idealised image of the partner and the relationship that 1) is unrealistic at times and 2) generates friction if such image is not being fulfilled.

Women seem to create checklists of how things should be. When things do not turn out how they want, drama occurs. Our big mistake, as men, is to put up with this.

Having "needs and wants" is one thing. Keeping those needs and wants flexible and in tone with the circumstances is what makes the difference between a woman that will live a harmonious relationship and someone that will wreck your nerves.

LUClEN · 2018-10-22T18:28:22+00:00

Women call men dogs but don't actually use that realization to their advantage. Another poster mentions that there can be a lack of gratitude. I agree, and in the context of this metaphor, what is striking is that a woman will call a dog a good boy and pet his belly yet fail to use this same kind of reward-centric approach to encourage the desired behaviour of her man. The result is a man who doesn't know if he's a good boy and a woman who's unsatisfied with her man's behaviour.

whitetrashcarl · 2018-10-22T20:19:17+00:00

Always testing and being borderline disrespectful and making me put her in her place. Like fuck, I just wanna be nice and kind and loving, it sucks having to be so hard on her
promises the world to get something out of me, then once she’s got it those promises are worthless
somewhat unreliable , tend to make big plans that are more representative of her current mood than any real commitment or follow through

Eastuss · 2018-10-22T14:36:58+00:00

Expect you to lead, but you never do anything right (mind reading as suggested), you have to do things by their standards which they often don't formulate (or just can't formulate)
Shit test/comfort test switches all the time, you have to switch between subtle abuse and comfort to validate them
Failing anything implies emotional punishment
Emotional labour: they think they do any emotional labour yet you're here exactly because you were good at comforting their little feelings
Expect you to be better in every way, including being the bigger guy and excusing abusive behaviours because you're so tough
Often consider you like inferior anyway: you're the man, your sexual value is worthless, she can replaces you in a bats of an eye (which is true sexually speaking). So you somehow are expected to pursue both sex and commitment from her little princess ass.
Not spending your time and resources on her is treason/immaturity

jax006 · 2018-10-22T14:21:00+00:00

They're too needy, even the "low-maintenance" ones get sour without (what seems to me) a consistent running supply of attention that's really annoying to deal with. Like wanting to text with you all day yet they have nothing to offer to the conversation.

PhotosyntheticChad · 2018-10-22T16:25:54+00:00

Nagging.

Did I mention nagging?

I hate being told how to think, or that my actions have a meaning beyond my express intentions. Girls tend to worm their way into pre-deciding things for you, or pre-judging your reactions or telling you what to do. I can’t deal with that at all, total violation of my agency and trust.

ElbowStrike · 2018-10-22T17:38:06+00:00

When she's been at work all day, don't expect her to help with anything around the house.

If you've been at work all day, even a 12 hour shift with 2 hours commute time, expect to have a pile of house work to "help" with before you even have one foot in the door because you don't "contribute enough" around the house.

Men's work is seen as a given that just happens magically without any stress or effort. The money you make just magically appears in the bank account and you are seen as contributing nothing to make that happen.

You are not a person, you are a piece of equipment.

TallSwaggOVO · 2018-10-22T17:49:15+00:00

Women crave attention.

This isn’t even just an LTR thing, but in society (mostly western society), women require way to much attention. Yes I know in a LTR you need to give your partner attention. But it gets to the point where a man has to constantly kiss the ground you walk on, or stay and pander around for you while your pulling some BS move on him (wheither it be a shit test, etc.).

bostezo22 · 2018-10-22T15:06:21+00:00

Easy. They met you being this guy. She loves you. You both starts an LTR. She dont like your lifestile (now). She wants to change you. You don't change. They go with another dude. :)

NotMeUsee · 2018-10-22T15:33:27+00:00

Nothing is good enough and they get resentful. Ignore it and it will go away, or they will. It's a pain.

Tyler_Gatsby · 2018-10-22T15:51:17+00:00

Cluttery/Dirty. Most women seem to be too busy picking the right filter for the picture, or looking for or starting drama on FB to do or help out with any house work. I end up feeling like I'm in a one sided relationship doing everything.
They always give you the fake (better myself) person until they sleep with you, then they start back smoking instead of vaping, or living on junk food, or whatever her old habits were that she changed to "reinvent herself" to sell to the next guy.

darudeboysandstorm · 2018-10-22T16:05:02+00:00

Needyness.

gasparddelanuit · 2018-10-22T20:26:35+00:00

Patrice O'Neal sums up the problem pretty well here.

Men Need Women To Stop Bothering Them

LewisCross · 2018-10-22T14:39:39+00:00

--For the love of God, would you please say what you fucking mean, and mean what you say? Please use your words. If you want something, say so. If you need something, say so. Open your goddamn mouths and SPEAK CLEARLY instead of hinting, hemming and hawing, and communicating indirectly. We are not fucking mindreaders.

--emotional diarrhea - inability/unwillingness to regulate her emotions; emotionally puking/shitting all over whoever is around them, flying off the handle into emotional ragefests, turning into a ragebitch cunt at the drop of a hat

--women who believe they are much more intelligent/interesting/contributory to relationships than they actually are

--complaining/nagging/bitching

--sexual hangups/issues

dicklord_airplane · 2018-10-23T15:36:47+00:00

Their poor communication skills. Too many grown-ass adult women still think that everyone is privvy to their thoughts. Too many times, i've had to tell my female friends that nobody knows what they need to feel happy and appreciated until they calmly and respectfully communicate with a spoken language.

What's worse is that so many of my female friends don't understand that their personal needs and desires are not universal among all women. Every woman has her own particular needs, and women vary wildly across the globe. These unfortunate women keep thinking that everyone in the world should be on the same page as her, and if they aren't, then it's a personal attack. Im tired of having to explain to girls that the world cannot be tailored to perfectly suit every single women because all women do not agree on anything in regard to expectations in dating and relationships. Each woman has to express her feelings and negotiate terms of engagement with their partners because there is no single proper standard, nor should there be.

I think these issues are important because they make these women perceive so many slights that are totally imaginary. I am witnessing otherwise normal women end up alone and bitter because they refuse to communicate functionally, and men still aren't capable of reading minds.

We will realize paradise on earth when the scientists invent a way to read women's minds. Until then, we're stuck with untold millions of unhappy women.

Here4thebeer3232 · 2018-10-22T14:41:57+00:00

I've had a few LTRs, one of which lasted for 4 years. And I can say most of the problems I have had can be traced back Mental Health Issues. All 3 of my recent relationships have had some issues regarding mental health. Only 1 was seeing therapy and properly medicated for it at the time. The other 2 created a lot of issues in that the care was one sided as I didnt feel my issues were worth talking about in comparison.

Aside from that, I feel I've avoided the most of the other problems that seem to plague LTRs. Sex stayed consistently good. Wasnt cheated on. Still had lots of fullfilling memories. Still kept conversations and activities interesting and not bland. But it was just the slow realization that I wasnt enjoying the relationship anymore. I think I've been the one to always initiate the break up.

reluctantly_red · 2018-10-22T19:54:58+00:00

Terrible taste in entertainment. Watching people cook is not entertainment.

Mr_White119811 · 2018-10-22T20:49:52+00:00

Only a few issues really

1) My frame was not strong enough, so they lost respect

2) I did not set boundries (worked on)

3) I used logic too much (reading books on EQ fixed this)

4) I got too comfortable and let myself go

These are all things in my control that I am able to work on.

dylanrockz2002 · 2018-10-22T14:31:32+00:00

they want to bone way too much and I'm too busy smoking weed lol
they don't want me hanging out with the lads
being your mum takes up too much of her time (hahahah you should of seen the look on your face)

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wtknight · 2018-10-22T14:59:11+00:00

Trying to change me while in the relationship and general moodiness. Other than that nothing really stands out to me from my personal experience.

Nyquil-Junkie · 2018-10-22T22:38:43+00:00

I would contribute to this thread but the only problems I can think of is that she puts ranch dressing on everything, and her burps and hiccups freak my dog out.

Sorry that's all I got.

20cansofSpam · 2018-10-23T21:43:01+00:00

Never had a gf initiate sex.

AlwaysResist · 2018-10-23T00:23:24+00:00

They complain to much

beachredwhine · 2018-10-22T14:57:56+00:00

1) Lack of self confidence and healthy personal boundaries. 2) Accepting bad behavior due to fear of being alone 3) Failure to continue living my life on my terms and for me after getting into a relationship. 4) Believing falsehoods told to me at the beginning of the LTR as the girl believed this would be a deal breaker to me. 5) The girl having unrealistic expectations about life and listening to other men who would make obviously false and stupid promises about how they would be a better deal.

Q4M: What are the common problems you've run into with women in LTRs?

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It's Not About The Nail

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Title	Q4M: What are the common problems you've run into with women in LTRs?
Author	LivelyChartreuse
Upvotes	20
Comments	383
Date	October 22, 2018 2:04 PM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/9qe3u0/q4m_what_are_the_common_problems_youve_run_into/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/q4m-what-are-the-common-problems-youve-run-into.259337 https://theredarchive.com/post/259337