Would you be fine with not getting the "full Girlfriend treatment"?

MiddleZealousideal89 · 2026-03-23T23:12:10+00:00

Are those gestures I care about receiving? If I find them important, and he doesn't do them, that's a problem, regardless of whether he did those things for someone else or not. If I don't find them important, I'm good.

nadirian · 2026-03-23T21:39:06+00:00

Ever hear the phrase "Comparison is the thief of joy"?

It's good advice.

fakingandnotmakingit · 2026-03-23T23:18:19+00:00

As long as I'm getting the treatment that I personally want, he's not failing in any areas, and is making me happier then I don't particularly care about other girls in the past

jorts-enthusiast · 2026-03-23T21:55:56+00:00

I’m receiving the full girlfriend treatment. Because I’m his girlfriend.

I’m not the world’s most romantic person. I am a black cat. I like my alone time and my private space. I don’t care if he did a bunch of huge romantic gestures for his ex and I couldn’t care less if he paid for her nails or her purses or whatever. I’m a different person with different needs and wants.

ashpr0ulx · 2026-03-23T21:21:02+00:00

i am happy with my relationship or i’m not. it’s that simple.

at some point you have to be your own person and have a strong sense of what you want and value. letting other people and situations sway you so easily is a weak mental attitude.

ValeWho · 2026-03-23T23:18:08+00:00

He meets my expectations, I'm happy. What more do I want

Suspicious_Glove7365 · 2026-03-23T21:58:39+00:00

It's rather impossible to believe that my boyfriend gave a previous woman better treatment than what he is giving me, but even if he was (like let's say he was taking her out for a fancy dinner date every single week), it's not something I have time for or want, so it wouldn't bother me. It's all about what I want right now. So if he's not giving me what I want now, that's a problem. I much prefer the idea of a man doing for his woman what she wants, not what some other woman wants.

Financial_Leave4411 · 2026-03-23T22:15:32+00:00

I always filtered out men who didn’t provide what I was looking for in a relationship from the jump. No need to waste my time or compare myself to other women. A man will either meet my needs in a relationship or he won’t.

justdontsashay · 2026-03-23T20:56:42+00:00

If he meets all of my expectations and I’m happy with him, why would I care about what his previous girlfriend’s expectations were?

Talking_Tanuki · 2026-03-23T20:59:28+00:00

If he’s meeting my needs, I don't care if he’s not doing the exact same stuff he did for his ex. What actually matters to me is that he didn’t abuse or cheat on her.

If he doesn’t fulfill my needs, then we’re just not a match. It’s not about his ex. I don't know why guys struggle to wrap their heads around it.

Downtown_Cat_1745 · 2026-03-23T21:43:42+00:00

People who like each other do nice things for each other. They don’t have to be lavish or expensive things, but presumably if you like someone, you want to give them attention and do things with them.

operation-spot · 2026-03-23T21:26:07+00:00

Since he's meeting my needs I don't see a problem. The other woman needed different things than I do and that would make sense because we're two different women.

It's not second grade treatment if it's everything I want and need.

lesliecarbone · 2026-03-23T21:07:51+00:00

Life with him is more pleasant than life without him, or it isn't.
That's the only thing that matters.

ThotismSpeaks · 2026-03-23T21:17:48+00:00

My wants, needs, and expectations don't change relative to how he treated a previous partner. Either I'm happy with him or I'm not. It doesn't matter if he's a reformed wife-beater or reformed simp.

icypiee · 2026-03-23T21:30:45+00:00

I wouldn’t date him in the first place if he wasn’t spoiling me with love and affection.

Fragrant-Half-7854 · 2026-03-23T21:44:36+00:00

I don’t want to know or care about anything that went on in his previous relationships. All I care is that he wasn’t abusive or a cheater. Zero cares about anything else.

ThatBitchA · 2026-03-23T21:20:00+00:00

Idk how someone can give more romance or more effort.

I didn't date low effort men. If they showed low effort they were out.

Prior-Impression-871 · 2026-03-23T22:03:25+00:00

Men be like

A man not getting sex exactly and precisely as early as every man before him is literally the same as women never getting romance ever

Having to wait until the third date was the most humiliating injustice so that's comparable. Please say you would not be okay with that so I can prove a point

(the point is me having to wait two weeks longer than "chad" did is the same as you getting no romantic gestures ever in your own relationship)

That's what these back and forths always read like

Routine-Present-3676 · 2026-03-23T22:14:18+00:00

I do not give a shit about how he acted in his previous relationship as long as he is giving me what I need in our relationship. Comparison is the thief of joy y'all.

Edited bc I can't spell

-Shes-A-Carnival · 2026-03-23T23:26:07+00:00

how did he end up being my bf i dont understand

fiftypoundpuppy · 2026-03-23T20:54:01+00:00

I don't care what he did for previous women. If he meets or exceeds my expectations, those are the only conditions that matter and should be relevant to my specific relationship

He's not in a relationship with those other women, he's in a relationship with me. So I'm not sure what relevance other women would have to anything

Secret_Entry1840 · 2026-03-23T22:05:49+00:00

If I’m dating a guy and the relationship is good why would I care how he treated his ex. “Comparison is the thief of joy”

Superb-Foundations · 2026-03-23T22:23:21+00:00

I have my standards and if he isnt meeting them thats on me for allowing that and staying with him. I dont really care about his past relationships. I care about how he treats me. If I found out he was different with a former woman that would make sense because I'm not that woman so of course he treats us differently.

Werevulvi · 2026-03-24T00:15:29+00:00

It all depends on why, because that's the thing, I don't assume men's reasoning and intentions. Or at least I don't act on my assumptions before having (kindly, gently and respectfully) asked him about it first. If he has reasonable reasons that aren't about me being "lesser" in his eyes, then yeah of course I'd be fine with it.

But no I would not be fine with it if it was because he views me as lesser, less attractive, etc. Especially not if I'm treating him like a king and better than I've treated any of my exes, because so far that's the track I've been on. I've been putting in effort to be a better girlfriend than last time for each new relationship, and increasing my standards. Because yeah I started with the bar on the floor (meaning any guy who liked me) and have been raising it little by little the more I learned from my previous mistakes.

Demasii · 2026-03-23T21:08:31+00:00

They are exes. If he keeps on doing the same thing over and over again to not work out than why wouldn't he want to do something different with me?

I'm worth keeping.

blebbyroo · 2026-03-23T21:14:02+00:00

It doesn’t change anything. If you are happy with how you are treated why does it matter how an ex was treated? Again things change, financial situations change, goals change, experiences shape opinions and tastes/dislikes. If you are happy then that’s what matters, being told about how some ex was treated shouldn’t change that otherwise you weren’t actually happy.

No relationship is ever going to be exactly the same they aren’t meant to be you need to hold your own standard for what you expect and accept and if it’s not met leave - this is not dependent on anyone else’s previous experiences or standards only your own.

Why do guys never answer this?

Nellylocheadbean · 2026-03-23T23:54:35+00:00

Women standards include the “full girlfriend treatment” upfront so he wouldn’t even be her BF in the 1st place without it.

myboobiezarequitebig · 2026-03-23T22:03:24+00:00

I think my personal expectations and my boyfriend seemingly putting more “effort” into a previous relationship are two different things.

I would be inquisitive, sure, but in the grand scheme of things I don’t really care because that relationship is irrelevant. For all I know, she was emotionally abusive and crazy so that’s why he felt like he had to go overboard 🤷🏾‍♀️

eichhoernchenlucy · 2026-03-23T23:56:20+00:00

If he meets all my expectations for how much effort, romance and gestures he should be making, then I don't care if he did some other stuff that I don't even want for some previous girlfriend. For example, I don't like jewellery or flowers, so it makes sense that my boyfriend would not get them for me, and it would not upset me if he had gotten them for a previous girlfriend who liked them.

oppositegeneva · 2026-03-23T21:36:59+00:00

If my expectations are met then no I wouldn’t care how he treated his ex

If I was asking him to do something he willingly and enthusiastically did with an ex I would be a bit upset (depending on what it was I would recognize that it may be unreasonable)

I really don’t blame men at all who get bent out of shape in the scenario where they find out their girlfriend/wife was once extremely high libido/sexually adventurous with others but just not at all with them

Forsaken-Station-113 · 2026-03-23T21:45:30+00:00

Depends. I would probably talk about it with him. Maybe certain past experiences made him more apprehensive of how much effort he should put in a relationship.

Artistic_Bumblebee17 · 2026-03-24T00:16:34+00:00

If that “thing” was inherently degrading I would understand

Perfect-Resist5478 · 2026-03-24T01:37:11+00:00

I expect my man to treat me how I want to be treated. If more romance was important to me, I would insist on more romance. The expectations of his previous girlfriends are of no consequence to me

mumblebumblegrumble · 2026-03-24T01:40:10+00:00

If I'm happy with how I'm being treated I don't care how past girlfriends were treated.

Siukslinis_acc · 2026-03-24T03:53:19+00:00

Let’s assume you have certain expectations for how your boyfriend should behave, and your current boyfriend meets them well.

It won't bother me as they already meet my needs. Like, i'm not a fan of being gifted flowers, so i would actually don't like if he would be constantly gifting me flowers. Different people have different needs.

KayRay1994 · 2026-03-24T06:23:16+00:00

I mean…. If I’m already satisfied and happy with the status quo, finding out someone else got the “full treatment” wouldn’t exactly change anything cause myself and this other girl are different people with different needs, and he was even likely a different person back then as well

Way I see it, if anyone - including guys whose exes did more with other men sexually (I know exactly what you’re drawing a parallel to) - feels like an ex is getting more and you feel the need to compare, were you really satisfied in the first place?

Equivalent_Dance2278 · 2026-03-24T06:52:07+00:00

I did that once, with a redpiller, who turned out to be, not a nice man. So now I know to avoid all men like that and keep up boundaries and expectations.

SwimmingTheme3736 · 2026-03-24T06:59:51+00:00

What the full girlfriend experience?

Serahill · 2026-03-24T08:35:04+00:00

Yes, it would not other me one bit. My current partner did things in the previous relationship that they don't do with me, why would I care? I know some of those things were because their ex was demanding and manipulative, not something they wanted to do but were "forced to" to keep the ex happy.

Every relationship is different, my ex and I went went on romantic getaways and stuff like that, me and my current partner prefer doing activities (hobbies) together instead. Neither is really something to compare and I don't get why people compare relationships.

P1anth0 · 2026-03-24T11:55:42+00:00

That depends your example is extreme but a lot of people learn from their past relationships and change based on how they get treated. For example my husband and I were long distance at first and he appreciated I split the travel burden with him. He had a relationship where he did all the traveling and he wasn’t going to do that again. I didn’t take it personally. there is something to not being irrationally insecure..

chalkandapples · 2026-03-24T12:40:54+00:00

If I'm happy with him before then it makes no difference. Because likely if I was already happy with how he treats me, it means that the stuff he did for his past girlfriends are just not important to me. If it was important to me it would bother me from the beginning.

ResponsibilityAny217 · 2026-03-24T14:20:27+00:00

Would I be happy with it no.

It would bother me but I also be fine with it.

If he does all I want him to do and willingness to do other things I want him to do in the future, (more yeses than nos) I’ll be fine with it. However, this be the case, even if he was a virgin man with no exgirlfriends.

Though I would think that he liked her more.

Pnina310 · 2026-03-24T17:36:57+00:00

If I’m getting what I want I couldn’t give less of a shit what the last bitch got. I exist independently, not in relation to others and as such see no utility in comparing myself to them.

JollyBowler2510 · 2026-03-24T22:36:10+00:00

Depends, if it’s something I care about and you have done it for someone else, then yeah it would be a conversation to be had, and if it can’t be compromised upon or it’s an issue for you whatever reason, then possibly we just aren’t compatible, and that’s ok, it would just be you finding someone who was willing.

Tylikcat · 2026-03-25T21:33:49+00:00

A lot of the romantic gestures and such aren't that meaningful to me. (Though I was impressed when my ex cooked for me, early in the relationship. But then, I'm known in my social circle as an excellent cook, and people cooking for me like that was pretty rare.)

Flowers? Maybe cut flowers very occasionally - though the flower industry can be creepy. (There's actually a very cool non creepy flower industry in my area, but you see more of that at farmers markets than florists.) Long stemmed roses generally leave me cold. Maybe the occasional plant if you know my tastes in plants, which is pretty specific. (Mostly, things that can be eaten, or are useful, or carnivores, which are both fun and mean I don't have a lot of bugs inside.)

Cute little romantic gifts? Like I need more clutter. (Though a few nice dark chocolates, maybe?)

Fancy dates. Meh. Good food - doesn't need to be fancy food - and place where we can talk, maybe. Or something to do together.

I don't give a shit about "gestures", especially generic ones that don't have anything to do with my particular tastes.

Dying_God · 2026-03-24T02:28:51+00:00

Well no, I'm in for live. Half measures are no foundation to build anything on. If someone is not fully in love and as dedicated to me as I am to them, I do not see the point in being together in the first place.

ladybird_00 · 2026-03-23T21:09:16+00:00

No, if I’m not getting top tier, I’m just not his dream girl.

Lemon_gecko · 2026-03-23T21:03:56+00:00

I'll copy paste my same answer:

I'm poly and i guess i can actually share some unique perspective on that because i did actually had a boyfriend and talked with his other girlfriends (present or ex) with whom he did different things.

The thing is people don't ever treat other people the same. They just don't. You can see it with your friends (if you have at least two). With one you'll be more open about something, with another you'll want to go out more. It's natural.

So i was in the situation where my bf treated another girl differently. And that could be taken as in our relationship lacks something or our relationship is different. The question is am i happy? Do i want more? Can i do something that my bf will want to give it to me? If there isn't, am i still happy? Do i feel like i'm less than others? And i had relationship where i did feel like i was afterthought, and i left. And i did have relationship when i felt that it's just different, and i get something that others don't too.

And that included trips with other gf, and supporting them financially, and whatnot. People change, their circumstances change, and people want different things with different people.

And a little bit to add: There is no such thing as "full girlfriend treatment". People build their relationship as they wish, and include what they do and don't want. There are no "grades". It's not like gf package basic, premium, and premium gold+.

And that being said of course a man can care less about me than he did about previous gf, and that's the question in each situation, is this enough.

AutoModerator · 2026-03-23T20:50:37+00:00

Attention!

You can post off topic/jokes/puns as a comment to this Automoderator message.
For "Debate" and "Question for X" Threads: Parent comments that aren't from the target group will be removed, along with their child replies.
If you want to agree with OP instead of challenging their view or if the question is not targeted at you, post it as an answer to this comment.
OP you can choose your own flair according to these guidelines., just press Flair under your post!

Thanks for your cooperation and enjoy the discussion!

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

AngeAware · 2026-03-23T21:09:41+00:00

As I said last time, my current SO has no exes.

To come up with a scenario that fits your new criteria I have to think all the way back to high school, when I was 16 and nervous about how much my first BF was posting photos of us on Instagram compared to his ex.

16yo me was fucking stupid. We had been dating for like a week at that point. He was an amazing BF otherwise. He had only had one actual GF before and they were together for over a year, maybe 2 iirc. Yes it makes perfect sense to be nervous about blasting a relationship all over social media after the previous relationship where you did that constantly failed. Being 16 and incredibly insecure I took it as a sign that he liked me less or didn't think I was as pretty as his ex.

So I guess my final answer is that I was extremely neurotic about this kind of shit as a 16yo girl but yet again that's probably not the answer you wanted.

Title	Would you be fine with not getting the "full Girlfriend treatment"?
Author	Ok_Cook_3098
Upvotes	2
Comments	93
Date	March 23, 2026 8:50 PM UTC (4 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1s1t63l/would_you_be_fine_with_not_getting_the_full/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/would-you-be-fine-with-not-getting-the-full.1576239 https://theredarchive.com/post/1576239

Comments