How much do you actually care about getting pregnant when dating or hooking up?

soulangelic · 2022-10-28T13:55:28+00:00

It’s kind of seems like your headline question and the scenario in your post are talking about two different (albeit related) things.

But to answer your question, I’ve been with my fiancé for six years, on birth control, and I still get nervous when it’s time for my period every month. I DO NOT want to get pregnant. I can’t imagine that this anxiety is only used as a “gotcha” by other women considering just how much a pregnancy can affect someone’s life.

liefelijk · 2022-10-28T14:12:27+00:00

Pregnancy is a huge fear, even when using birth control and exercising caution. Babies can be life destroyers, if you aren’t ready for them or don’t want one.

toasterchild · 2022-10-28T14:05:17+00:00

It doesn't matter how reliable the birth control i have is, i'm probably freaking out at least every few months.

rubymood · 2022-10-28T14:43:32+00:00

personally, it’s a big fear of mine. it’s the #1 reason i don’t participate in hook up culture with men.

medlabunicorn · 2022-10-28T15:17:48+00:00

Quite a fucking lot. There’s nothing that can ruin a woman’s life like an unplanned pregnancy.

_demidevil_ · 2022-10-28T15:43:05+00:00

Woman who are sleeping with men and don’t want to get pregnant are pretty much constantly scared they’re pregnant. Grazed a boob taking your bra off and it was sore? Pregnant. Felt sick the morning after a night drinking? Pregnant. Fell asleep on train on your way home from work? Pregnant. I haven’t slept with a man since 2015 and sometimes if my boobs are sore I still have a flash of fear. Pregnancy scares are a common thing among women. Several times a year a woman I know will freak out because she thinks she’s pregnant. Suffice to say we think about it a lot and I personally find this one of the huge advantages to lesbian sex.

GridReXX · 2022-10-28T14:13:11+00:00

Every time I have PIV it’s something I think about. When I was younger I was so neurotic I thought I was Mary mother of Jesus. If your period is late, it’s what naturally comes to mind. If you feel your reproductive system doing things you think baby or period or fibroids. Who knows.

MissingObjectivity · 2022-10-28T14:59:45+00:00

I'm surprised at how little MEN worry about it. Condom breaks? She says she was on birth control but wasn't? You're going to be liable for 18 years of child support without any say in the matter if she wants.

Ainsleygz · 2022-10-28T14:15:16+00:00

I’ve been on the pill since I was like 14. I always demanded condoms. If both fail, I would get an abortion ASAP

NthKnife · 2022-10-28T15:35:03+00:00

Pregnancy is why I never had sex until after graduating high school. The idea was terrifying and still is, because if I don't catch it in time it either means I'd have to abort somehow or kill myself; birthing a kid is not an option for me, to me.

I'm the only woman in my friend group who is super strict about birth control and never had a scare. I used to bring my own condoms to situations I thought might be sexual because I didn't trust guys to do it or know how to put them on right (some did know, others did not. ) I was always on the pill. I had an alarm on my phone to remind me to take it daily just in case.

Pregnancy is 100% a life ruiner imo. I would never allow it happen me.

Mrs_Drgree · 2022-10-28T13:51:07+00:00

It was my #1 biggest fear lol.

RIP

darkredpintobeans · 2022-10-28T15:34:57+00:00

I haven't been with a man since my state outlawed abortion in all circumstances almost a year ago. It's not a political stunt I haven't made any sort of mention of it to anyone I'm just really scared of getting pregnant. The last time I got pregnant it almost killed me and I really don't want to die, so instead I just only have sex with women and it's a win win for me. I'm sure men have many valid fears when it comes to sex but they don't seem to carry as much risk as actually dying.

greenifuckation · 2022-10-28T14:29:56+00:00

I'm 35 & financially secure so I don't care if I get pregnant, although I don't have one night stands & never have done.

In my 20s however I really cared & took precautions to prevent pregnancy because I didn't have financial security, the maturity or stability to be a parent. I also am really glad I didn't have children then because I ended up seriously ill & I probably would have died had I been pregnant, so everything was meant to be this way.

MistyMaisel · 2022-10-28T15:54:37+00:00

Boy, let me tell you about birth control. No woman would ever be on birth control (other than a few hormonal issues that exist out there obviously and those of us who have horrific periods) if we weren't deathly afraid of getting pregnant.

When I started having sex, I had so many panic attacks and neurotic explosions that I must be pregnant and what on earth would I do. And I was being extremely even insanely safe. (BC, Condoms, and Pull Out). Now, after a few years, it has gotten better, now I'm just very nervous every month until the relief of blood happens.

This is an extremely real fear for most women and the idea that we whip it out as a gotcha for why we don't just fuck every guy who says "you're cute" to us is so offensively silly goose it makes me think you have no empathy for women.

It is an extremely common phrase among us, "if you don't want the chance to see him again for 18 years or driving you to an abortion, don't do the deed with him". For a real reason. Yes, we care about pregnancy and yes we're afraid it could happen. Only a man would be so casual and callous about this.

PlatypusPolka · 2022-10-28T14:40:13+00:00

Lots. I used to have an IUD and still insisted on condoms every time.

lovelythecove · 2022-10-28T14:44:52+00:00

Once I got an IUD (and used condoms in tandem, instead of just condoms), I worried significantly less, but still took a pregnancy test every 2-3 or so months at least (depending on when I’d had sex last) because I didn’t have a period at all the 7 years I had an IUD. Even though IUDs are the most effective form of birth control, and using two forms (IUD + condom) virtually guaranteed I wouldn’t have double birth control failure and get pregnant, it was still a very real fear because I did NOT want to be pregnant, let alone have a fucking baby.

When I’d just used condoms, I took a pregnancy test every cycle, even when I hadn’t had sex (you can sometimes get a faux “period” even while pregnant). It was definitely a major concern. I would’ve gotten an abortion, so I needed to know asap if I had a birth control failure. I never fucked without a condom for this reason. I was more worried about pregnancy than STDs tbh (although I obviously didn’t want an STD and got tested regularly — not as regularly as I tested for pregnancy or worried about pregnancy though.)

I’m not sure why you think it’s some kind of “gotcha!” … pregnancy is a major life event that can be detrimental to your health, mental health, career or education, body, finances, life, relationships…… pregnancy itself can be fatal at worst, and severely alter your body, mind, and spirit at best. Abortion is no cake walk. Men will NEVER be able to understand this fear.

Even once I got married and wanted to get pregnant and we were actively trying to have a baby, my initial feeling when I took the pregnancy test was absolute dread and panic, because I was so used to wanting, begging, PRAYING the test would be negative. It kinda fucked with me at first, but obviously I was able to reassure myself and shift into excitement and happiness, because we really did want to have a baby. (And now I understand even deeper how much pregnancy would’ve FUUUUUCKED me and my life up in high school and college.)

rrrattt · 2022-10-28T15:05:12+00:00

Any time I have PIV sex it's in the back of my mind. I'm on birth control and live somewhere with good access to morning after pills and abortions, but it's always a risk. Plus, abortion and morning after pills aren't something I'd like to deal with. I'm more game to hook up with someone without the ability to get me pregnant (eg. cis women) because of it. Condoms break, birth control fails, shit happens. It's a risk that I really don't want to deal with and I don't really lose much from not taking it. Suffice to say, I care very very much. Shit would suck. Having a human parasite inside me is a terrifying possibility lol.

However, the paying for dates because the girl might get preggers thing isn't something I've ever heard, personally. And if I did get pregnant I wouldn't consider it "no fault of my own" unless I was raped. It's a risk when you have sex, hence why I don't have much interest in going around hooking up with people with sperm.

CimZim · 2022-10-28T14:46:03+00:00

Thankfully my guy is vasectomized so I don't get worried at all. When I was dating in my teens and 20s, I took birth control just in case. Nowadays I wouldn't have sex without at least 2 forms of birth control. I don't ever want to get pregnant lol.

gabishes · 2022-10-28T16:28:04+00:00

its a conversation I have with every man i sleep with before I do. “If i get pregnant what will happen”, expect xyz. If you get me pregnant you will be paying for half the abortion. Women assume the physical risk. Abortion and pregnancy can leave you infertile, or with complications that could lead to your death. Women cannot take it lightly.

MicrospathodonChrys · 2022-10-28T17:34:04+00:00

I was so scared of getting pregnant that i didn’t have sex until i was 22 and just about done undergrad. I always used two forms of protection until i got my first IUD at 27. I used to have neurotic breakdowns thinking i was pregnant. It was like hypochondria but with pregnancy. I didn’t stop worrying about it until i got out of a shit relationship and into a really good one (as well as into a career track job). Now if my IUD fails it will be an inconvenience of timing, but not a crisis. I would like one child with my husband, just not for 2-3 more years.

AngelxEyez · 2022-10-28T18:30:32+00:00

I 25f am in a committed relationship with plans for children in the future. i also live in Canada where we have abortion access.

I get scared anytime my period is late. I am NOT ready for a kid yet. its pretty scary to waiting to get your period a couple days late

Acaciduh · 2022-10-28T14:44:03+00:00

I was super worried about it and my mom was too hence why she put me on birth control before I was even sexually active lol. I was on BC for 10+ years and only got off when my husband and I wanted children. Once the two we wanted were had he got a vasectomy so yes many women worry about it quite a good deal and are good about taking the necessary precautions.

SeveralSadEvenings · 2022-10-28T14:31:48+00:00

This concern was a major factor in keeping my N count low. A man can be hot, but if I can't vet his contingency plan ( or worse, he doesn't have one) then I lose all desire for him.

Getting pregnant before I was ready would have been a disaster, adding an unreliable man into the mix would have ruined several lives.

howdoiw0rkthisthing · 2022-10-28T17:48:51+00:00

I’ve definitely had some borderline irrational fears about unintended pregnancy in the past, so I’m going to say, a lot. And now that I’m in a committed socially-approved relationship I’m a lot more lax with BC because I have less to lose.

I agree that the possibility of pregnancy is brought up at some opportunistic times. This is partly because our psychology and instincts haven’t changed just because we created relatable birth control. Our behaviors haven’t caught up with the modern world.

But despite all the debates we have about abortion and child support, if you have even one eye open you know that the implications of pregnancy, childbirth, and child rearing are just so much greater for women than they are for men, and most women have an understanding of that.

SleepPrincess · 2022-10-28T13:57:52+00:00

It's way more concerning if you live in a state where abortion is illegal now.

riceweight · 2022-10-28T16:22:56+00:00

Huge fear — it’s why I didn’t have sex until I was totally financially independent. My boyfriend waited for almost a year until I was ready. By the time we started having sex, I had interacted with his nuclear family multiple times, met his grandma, his grandma’s sister, and knew their entire family history. I knew that they were people with morals and a sense of duty, and even if my bf decided to shirk his responsibility if I got pregnant, his parents would whip him into shape.

It’s not a fucking gotcha. It’s panic, every time my period is a day or two late. It’s “can I support myself and a baby and RAISE THE FRICKIN BABY with my time and resources”. I personally do not want to get an abortion unless in the case of life or death, so pregnancy will (hopefully) always result in a child.

I have “hooked up” many times, but it always involved the guy eating me out, makeout sessions, cuddling etc. I would never participate in a hookup where the man’s penis was anywhere near my crotch.

bluestjuice · 2022-10-28T14:46:09+00:00

I can’t say I’m panicked about it (I’m 38 and more sanguine about these things than I was at 20), but it was at least 20% of the reason I have never been into casual hookups.

Apprehensive_Cut_146 · 2022-10-28T15:41:47+00:00

I am not even sure I want children when married, what makes you think I’d want under any different circumstance?

If he is not getting a vasectomy, he’s wearing it condom’ized for the rest of our sxual activity.

chingness · 2022-10-28T15:47:22+00:00

Constantly! I’m in an LTR and on birth control and I still worry Incase it fails. We do not want kids but I also never want to go through an abortion. If I were single I’d not be risking it on people I was just dating

ImaginaryList174 · 2022-10-28T16:11:45+00:00

I think that I'm pretty confident saying that every single person that is capable of getting pregnant has had the mild panic and anxiety that comes with a late period. If you don't want to have a baby, then each month when your period comes it's like "phew, thank God.. dodged that bullet again".

ElectricBugs · 2022-10-28T14:54:11+00:00

I got a Mirena and don't have periods so I don't worry at all. If o get pregnant I will definitely have an abortion. No question.

Diamond-Breath · 2022-10-28T16:29:24+00:00

When I'm having sexy time with my boyfriend it's not on the forefront of my mind since I'm on birth control pills, plus he's definitely the man I want to marry and have a family with. But right now it's not the time to have babies, so I do get nervous if I get a different symptom from the usual stuff.

wintergreen233 · 2022-10-28T16:30:20+00:00

I don’t worry about it anymore, only because I worked in abortion care for awhile and that left me feeling very confident in my ability to navigate an unplanned pregnancy if it happened. Demystifying what would happen made it a much less scary thing to me.

Prior to that, yeah I was constantly anxious about getting pregnant. Now I just feel secure in the various contraceptive methods I use, and very secure in my ability to handle it.

hungrychick404 · 2022-10-28T17:35:10+00:00

A lot lol I don’t want a baby. If abortion becomes illegal throughout the United States, I’m not having sex anymore with people who have the possibility to get me pregnant

kalashhhhhhhh · 2022-10-28T17:38:44+00:00

I'm terrified of pregnancy, if my period is a day late I'm having literal panic attacks. And me and my boyfriend actually want kids one day, I'll relax after we finish college.

SwimmingTheme3736 · 2022-10-28T18:29:55+00:00

I care a lot. Have three children. My oldest two were with my first husband my third is with my husband

I would never have a child from a random fling

Lysa_Bell · 2022-10-28T14:44:35+00:00

I'm a bit more relaxed since I am mid 30s now and got diagnosed with pcos. Before I was freaking out a lot. I'm not on BC but use condoms. I would get an abortion if something happens.

bigapple4am · 2022-10-28T16:08:56+00:00

My #1 fear, which is why I even took birth-control, the thing that can seriously harm women in many different ways

januaryphilosopher · 2022-10-28T16:18:18+00:00

I'd probably care a lot more if I hadn't moved to somewhere with free abortion services, or ever slept with someone I didn't 100% trust with condoms, or couldn't easily access free Plan B pills in case of failure. But I have the luxury of not having to worry about it, so it doesn't really come up.

EulenWatcher · 2022-10-28T16:52:42+00:00

A lot. It was one of the reasons why I was looking for someone trustworthy and responsible as a teen when I just wanted to "have some fun". Turned out I vetted so well that my "just some fun" partner is husband rn. We've been together for more than 8 years and with the exception for a few months we're extremely careful with pregnancy prevention. We lowered our guard for a few months, because we were thinking about having a kid. Not anymore though, so we're low-key paranoid about it again.

Unlikely-Guitar8161 · 2022-10-28T17:07:52+00:00

I use condoms plus I have a coil. If both of those fail (extremely unlikely) I would get an abortion.

I'm in the UK and fortunately sexual health is freely available.

monkymonkk · 2022-10-28T17:36:26+00:00

HUGE fear of mine is to get preg, I’ve tried 3 times to get my tubes tied but the docs keep insisting I’m too young

mistressusa · 2022-10-28T15:49:01+00:00

Honestly, you don't have to worry about a "gotcha" unless you are a HVM.

Unplanned babies destroy an avg woman's life way more than it does a LVM's life.

mandoa_sky · 2022-10-29T01:08:18+00:00

all the time. i'm in no position to be a parent in my current life spot.

Willow-girl · 2022-10-29T03:58:17+00:00

I've had IUDs since age 17. I'm 56 now and will die with the last one still in me, just because.

goats-egg · 2022-10-29T22:11:05+00:00

I'm a virgin and scared of being pregnant when my period is late. Can't imagine my level of nervousness if I was having sex regularly.

Exotic-One3381 · 2022-10-28T14:23:55+00:00

No one talks about this but a lot of the girls I know use the morning after pill pretty often! if they can't be bothered or don't have a condom or if they didn't want to use one with a guy in case I he thought she had std or it ruined the moment.

Morning after pill is an abortifacent, and often the same ingredients as some contraceptive pills and the abortion pill (no, not all abortions are by suction or whatever) . Read the leaflet inside, thats what it says in the small print. Same as for many contraceptive pills. I'm no doctor but I've taken the pill for hormonal reasons before and I saw it written on the leaflet.

In my country it is very easy to get the mornign after pill and some areas even do same day delivery.

I personally think the morning after pill is used far too casually nowadays and many guys have no idea at all. Oh and I know several good Christian and catholic girls who used this including one who is a very senior person in a pro life organisation. Yeah. Hypocritical. But common.

fiftypoundpuppy · 2022-10-28T13:57:52+00:00

0%. Sterilized. I go Dutch on first dates.

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mcove97 · 2022-10-28T16:20:43+00:00

For example, a few people have made the argument that men pay for dates because women potentially get pregnant.

It's completely bullshit. I'm a childfree woman. I use birth control carefully. It birth control fails I would happily abort. Men shouldn't have to pay just because I was born with what could be viewed as a biological disadvantage. It's not their fault or anyone's fault that biology is the way it is or works the way it does or makes things unfair between sexes.

ClaraBow01 · 2022-10-28T19:23:22+00:00

I don’t want to get pregnant unless Im planning on having children. If I’m having sex before marriage, I’m not taking any risks. Condom, birth control, plan b. Anything and everything. I’m not risking my health just so a guy can feel slightly more aroused for a few minutes.

2022-10-28T14:12:55+00:00

Not because women potentially get pregnant, but because women actually lose their reproductive time.

soulangelic · 2022-10-28T14:36:26+00:00

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Cat_Lover259 · 2022-10-28T15:26:41+00:00

The type of sex I have regularly with my bf wouldn’t get me pregnant….if you know what I mean 😉 lol

PurplePillDebate-ModTeam · 2022-10-28T16:29:35+00:00

[permanently deleted]

LucyintheskyM · 2022-10-28T21:06:49+00:00

I don't think about it much, I'm got an IUD which has served me well for 7 years (been replaced course) and I have access to abortion. I do really feel for those who don't have access to safe abortion or are morally conflicted about it. I don't want kids, and would have no problem ending a pregnancy, but for others I imagine it might be scary. I had a dream I was pregnant with a penguin this morning and I was terrified.

womandatory · 2022-10-28T23:25:21+00:00

Every time I have sex, and I’m in my 40s, with a stable partner and I use birth control.

Questions like this make me think our education system and culture completely fails boys and men, because to suggest that something so life changing, so body changing, regardless of whether you carry it to term or not is a walk in the park is just sheer ignorance.

The best analogy that men might get is imagine you met a beautiful woman and she convinced you to go swimming somewhere on a gloriously hot, beautiful summer’s day, and it was amazing and you had a wonderful time and were so happy. You think she might be wife material. You keep seeing each other for a few weeks, but then you feel a bit off color, and find out you picked up a parasite in your dick, which then settled in your balls. You tell your girlfriend and she ghosts you. There is a cure for it, but it may not be available to you at all, or it may come at huge financial cost, or you may need to travel a huge distance to get access to it. You may face jail time or a massive fine if you try. The cure also has a huge social cost, because if anyone found out you had it, they’ll shame you for it forever.

Your doctor tells you there’s nothing you can do about it, so you have to wait almost a year, while it continues to grow inside you. They also tell you that many people keep these parasites as pets, they’re highly prized and because of this, they’re a protected species. So while it grows inside you, stretching your balls out unimaginably, you can’t do anything to risk harming it, or you could face criminal prosecution. You have to follow a strict diet. Because you walk funny and people will know you have one, and because if there’s anything wrong with your little guest when it emerges you will be blamed wholly for anything wrong with it, you follow the diet. No alcohol, no soft cheese, no sushi, some regular medication you take you’ll have to stop for a while, complete strangers will stop you on the street and judge you if they see you smoking or vaping or doing something they don’t think is safe for your parasite. You’ll put on weight for which you’ll be criticized later, and if you don’t, you’ll be criticized for that too. Old men will walk up to you and touch your body without your consent.

Then when it’s time, the little parasite that is now the size of a cantaloupe, will work it’s way up from your balls to your dick and squeeze it’s way out the end of your penis, which will be agonizing, but you’ll be told to stop complaining, because that’s what your dick was made for. Not for pleasure, not for sex, not for you, but for delivering this little pet that someone else will rejoice over having while you spend several months recovering and wondering if your dick will ever work the same way again. You’ll probably shit yourself during delivery, with a dozen strangers in the room, and if you’re at a teaching hospital, a bunch of teenaged med students will come in to watch the fun.

Sometimes, the parasite gets stuck on the way out and they will cut your balls open to save it, or the doctors may make a cut along the tip of your penis to make their job easier to get it out. If you protest about this, you’ll be told it’s basically better to cause your body permanent damage than it is to harm the parasite. It’s a protected species, remember, and you are not.

If you decide to keep the pet, you’re told to remember that it will likely live longer than you, you will be completely responsible for it in every way, shape and form for almost 20 years - feeding, clothing, vet bills, daycare while you’re at work, paying for everything.

Your body is forever changed, your bank balance forever changed, you will be judged if you destroy it before it emerges, you’ll be judged if you keep it, and equally you’ll be judged if you give it away. You’ll be judged by every woman you date after that too, because they’ll assume your dick is broken or damaged, and they might even feel disgust at the idea that some parasite lived in you for a while and blame you for going swimming on a hot day with a woman you really liked. Remember her? Yeah, while you’ve been dealing with this, she’s done this to two other guys and no one ever judges her, just the stupid, loser guys who got themselves into trouble.

RocinanteCoffee · 2022-10-29T02:43:18+00:00

In the US at least 68% of people (any gender) believe that at the least the initial dates should be split bill/pay for oneself.

On the other note, I use three forms of birth control and if a guy I am spending sexual time with has a vasectomy I will still use too. I get nervous every time and I have to logic myself into being comfortable reminding myself how good my pill is, how regularly I take it, and how good the odds of prevention are between my pill+spermicidal gel inserts+ condom or whatever contraception combination I am using.

I have had trouble finding a doctor who will do a tubal on me because they say I'm too young even though I've been an adult for quite a few years. But hopefully soon I will get that too and then I might feel comfortable just being on the pill (I like the side effects of the pill so even if my tubes are seared and I'm with a vasectomied man I'd still stay on it as it reduces the severity and intensity of my migraines and other benefits).

ConcentrateOk1933 · 2022-10-29T03:28:29+00:00

AS long as the woman thinks the child looks good, then they don't care.

Gilmoregirlin · 2022-10-29T03:52:43+00:00

I’m on the pill and have been for most of my adult life. I have always taken it religiously and it’s never failed me. So I would say rarely if at all. Outside of an exclusive relationship i make men wear condoms so condoms plus the pill? I have never heard men should pay for dates because women can get pregnant. And that’s ridiculous to me.

Haunting_Afternoon62 · 2022-10-29T06:10:20+00:00

"Through no fault of my own" lol

So I got pregnant twice while using condoms and they didn't even break. I checked. I was paranoid. And rightfully so.

I care about this a lot. I rarely have casual sex because of this. It's risky. And I don't like the idea of just skipping over to the abortion clinic.

Because of this, I need to know the guy is WITH me in case anything happens. I can't enjoy sex with that hanging over me.

SadSorrySackOShip · 2022-10-29T06:13:27+00:00

I thought men paid for dates as a means of demonstrating they can provide [for a family]

Or, on the other hand, cause females were dispossessed of resources and - being resource-poor - were made ripe for bribery (into fuggin'!)

Or some combo of those

DivineDaedra · 2022-10-29T06:20:55+00:00

SO MUCH. I got my damn tubes tied and I still get anxious if my period is late or lighter than usual, even though my periods have always been irregular.

I’m less anxious now with the tubal but there’s still that worry at the back of my mind that it’ll fail anyway or I’ll end up with an ectopic pregnancy

Title	How much do you actually care about getting pregnant when dating or hooking up?
Author	FutureBannedAccount2
Upvotes	40
Comments	176
Date	October 28, 2022 1:49 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/yfopl5/how_much_do_you_actually_care_about_getting/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/how-much-do-you-actually-care-about-getting.1136998 https://theredarchive.com/post/1136998

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