Women with a lot of male friends are a instant 'red flag'

DreaminInChocolate · 2023-09-15T14:18:21+00:00

But tell me who hangs out with a single guy till 3.am in the morning thinking its "just platonic" on his part?

TIL that l must know a lot of closeted gay men.

Slipthe · 2023-09-15T13:04:01+00:00

Ask yourself if at 11 p.m. she called each of her “guy friends" and said how horny she was, how many did she think would drive over and smash?

She can do this with complete strangers too. It's not that meaningful.

OkLingonberryx · 2023-09-15T13:59:35+00:00

I have A LOT of female friends. Is that a red flag? I never touched them sexually.

DopeAFjknotreally · 2023-09-15T18:30:47+00:00

The biggest red flag somebody can have is…checks notes…having friends?

Makuta_Servaela · 2023-09-15T13:23:08+00:00

I know lots of guys who hang out with their guy friends till 3AM now and then, and even if a girl doesn't know a guy doing that, she has no reason to think he doesn't do that with his guy friends. It's impossible for a girl to know how guys act with each other when she's not around, so why would she just assume they're not treating her like one of them if she has no frame of reference?

RonMexico432 · 2023-09-15T15:44:47+00:00

I bet he asked her to "hang out" and conflated that with a date.

JNRoberts42 · 2023-09-15T13:14:14+00:00

she claims she prefers male company because they're "less drama"

Why are you spending time with a female misogynist? Ignore her.

I have a lot of male friends because my hobbies and career are male dominated. I openly despise orbiters or men who girlfriend zone me, so I don't have any male friends who are interested in me. I also don't date strangers, so the men I date are already friends with my friends or have enough in common with them that they can seamlessly fit into our social group. I don't pretend to be one of the boys, but I do retain my friendships with men who also have girlfriends or wives and all are equally welcome in my home and my life.

You know, adults behave responsibly towards one another.

Ask yourself if at 11 p.m. she called each of her “guy friends" and said how horny she was, how many did she think would drive over and smash? Are women with a lot of male friends really this naive or are they consciously goading the guys on?

Dude men will fuck fruit. That doesn't mean that men's indiscriminate tendencies are anyone else's problem.

Beneficial-Rock-1687 · 2023-09-15T13:04:53+00:00

Your inability to be friends with a women who is attractive is your fault, not womens. God forbid you find a friend attractive, the absolute horror!

This girl seems very clear about wanting to be just friends. If someone clearly states they just want friendship, and you hang out hoping it turns into a date…bro again that’s on you.

I really hope you and your friends are 16 and this is teenage hormones making you stupid. Otherwise you need to go touch grass.

MistyMaisel · 2023-09-15T13:06:21+00:00

My best friend is a dude. I've always had more male friends just from my hobbies and temperament and struggling to find similar temperament women until later in life. I have now and I'm overjoyed to finally say I probably have as many female friends as male friends. I always had a few close girlfriends, but we didn't share hobbies or interests, we were connected by childhood or circumstance.

And yes, I'd hang out late with these dudes. Because we were night owls by trade and our hobbies ran late. And when the company is good and the food is good, things tend to run late.

Did some of them end up developing feelings for me? Yes. I didn't return them, did my best to shut things down, and usually they moved on easily without ruining the friendship, a few times things blew up. That's life. No, I didn't know they had feelings for me until they told me. And if I knew, I'd confront it and let them know there's no shot.

If a man saw this as a red flag, that's fine. He ain't the one for me. The one for me can understand that I have close friendships with both genders, but that given my interests past and present, I'm going to have more male friends in all likelihood. And that those are just friends to me, it doesn't matter what they're thinking, only what I think. I can't help if they want to fuck, I can only tell him I'd rather be buried in an ant hill smeared in peanut butter and eaten by coyotes.

obviousredflag · 2023-09-15T12:54:54+00:00

from this story, i think you are the red flag. Nothing wrong with having lots of male friends and hanging out with them, platonically or sexually.

Dry_Requirement_15 · 2023-09-15T13:02:58+00:00

I think it's perfectly normal for a woman to have male friends. I'm friends with many women and i'm not at all some incel. I believe it's a better kind of friendship because you can help each other see things from the "other side" and i'm proud to say that i fixed personal life of a few women i know.

Sometimes it may come with periodic hookups, sometimes not, it doesn't really matter. People can always find someone to hook up with but friendships are rare.

Cethlinnstooth · 2023-09-15T14:26:53+00:00

Back in the late eighties when I worked shift work at a burger restaurant the night crews that finished up about 12.30am always used to hang out together after work and no-one thought twice about it if just a guy and gal were hanging out just talking to 3am. It was normal...if neither of you were a creep it was fine. Late shifts are socially isolating and hanging out together a bit after the shift fixes that.

But then again we didn't have the internet to convince us that we like consuming algorithm mediated parasocial stuff better than hanging out with real people.

So...the upset dude...what was he going to do with that time if he wasn't hanging with her? Jerk it to porn? Play a game? Scroll scroll scroll through short form videos? Look at girls on Instagram or Onlyfans?

He feels cheated because he hoped he'd get more. But...his regular routine would he been less than he actually got. He got the company of a real person.

januaryphilosopher · 2023-09-15T15:01:00+00:00

I've asked out male friends. They have said no. My best friend won't even swipe on someone with the same name as me because that's weird to him. These assumptions work very well as hypotheticals but don't stand up to testing. It is, however, a big red flag if someone avoids the other gender and can't act like a normal person around them so avoids being friends with them.

Elliejq88 · 2023-09-15T15:14:08+00:00

There is probably true alot but there are exceptions. I am an exception. I think the same applies to men with pretty much all female friends though theres exceptions to that too.

My husband was cheated on by a past girlfriend. He is very sensitive to this kind of stuff. Even he admits I am an exception to this.

I am a pretty blunt and the least fake person you will ever meet. When I dont like someone I will just literally stop talking to them. I dont "play nice" or "act like a bestie" to their face but talk crap about them behind their back. Also when I find out people talk about me behind my back badly, I drop them like a hot potato. Alot of women hate that about me (my close female friends I have now dont, we are compatible, but they arent super common in the female population).

literaryhogwartian · 2023-09-15T14:23:07+00:00

I am married and have mainly male friends. I also work in an male environment.

I'm happily married. Just friends with them as I would be with women.

Soggy_Head_4889 · 2023-09-15T16:38:16+00:00

Women 100% keep around male friends as backup options without consciously realizing it. That's why whenever these threads pop up they get flooded with women saying "bUt mUh gUy FrIenDs pLatOnIc", like yeah...for now. Hell this happened in my friend group last year. This girl was dating guy A who decides out of the blue he's gonna take an offer for some temporary job in colorado and will be gone for at least a year so they break up. A few weeks later I hear rumors that she's into me and then she asks me if I'll go as peter pan and tinkerbell with her for halloween to this EDM show we were all going to. I curve her because they guy she had just dumped was a pretty good friend of mine. A few weeks after that apparently she's started hooking up with another guy in the friend group and a few months later they're officially dating.

Beforehand I bet she would've considered me and that other guy "just friends" and honestly we were. She wasn't really ever that flirty with either of us from what I could tell. But when her relationship ended suddenly, she wasted no time in running through her backup options to find a new relationship.

ashpr0ulx · 2023-09-15T13:16:47+00:00

i have a tight knit group of girlfriends i absolutely love, but i work in the trades, so 99% of the people i interact with on a daily basis are male. I’m not having deep one on one relationships with these men, but sure, they’re my guy friends and we have all gone out to lunch or for drinks plenty of times. i know a lot of men, nature of the industry. just have sensible boundaries for yourself and it’s fine. like…. they’re half the population lol you’re gonna end up being friendly to some in your day to day

FaradayBurka · 2023-09-15T14:40:04+00:00

She could be on the spectrum and take things at face value

MiddleZealousideal89 · 2023-09-15T16:20:23+00:00

Yeah, I've yet to meet a woman who said she didn't have female friends because they were ''too much drama'' and turned out to not be the shit-stirrer. The lady in the story isn't looking great in my eyes.

However, I don't really know if she did anything wrong here. Did the guy actually ask her on a date or did he aks if she wanted to hang out once she got off work? Does he know that she's the type of person to frequently hang out with guys like this and would take it as just another hang out sess'? Did she flirt or do more with him while they were hanging out and then pretended it was just a friendly hang out thing and nothing more?

From what OP wrote, they hung out, the guy thought it was a date, she thought it was just two people hanging out, guy is upset. The guy is also upset that she hangs out with other people in the same way, even though he had zero reason to expect some kind of hangout exclusivity from this chick. Sounds to me like the guy wanted it to be a date, didn't make his intentions clear and is now butthurt that the woman never saw it that way and is clear that hanging out with guys is just platonic. Maybe he should be more upfront about what he expects from these hangouts in the future to avoid these types of situations.

laureca · 2023-09-15T17:08:26+00:00

Sometimes we cant avoid it if we are in a male dominated field. My hobby is videogames and 90% of my friends are guys, it be like that

TheMedsPeds · 2023-09-15T17:36:52+00:00

75% of my friendships have been with straight dudes. Never tried to sleep with one. But I’m pretty sure being ugly and tomboyish helps me not fit into this weird stereotype you’ve built in your head.

I think people have standards and types and some times you can enjoy being around someone without wanting to fuck them. Not to mention orbiter type dudes tend to like, do favors for their chick friends. Do they treat you better than their other guy friends? He probably wants to bang. If he doesn’t? Might just be a friend. Like if I needed a ride. I could call a guy friend, but he’d want me to pay for the gas or whatever. Idk, I feel it’s just pretty easy to tell when there is “sexual tension” even if it is one sided.

AhsokaSolo · 2023-09-15T18:34:04+00:00

A real problem here is an obsession with characterizing huge groups of total strangers in very sweeping generalities based in your own extremely limited experiences. Everyone isn't like you. Every woman that has guy friends doesn't say inane crap like they're "less drama."

Your example is a miscommunication. It happens. She is a woman with platonic guy friends who presumably she hangs out with in platonic ways and they know it. This one guy being confused has no impact on those other friendships, nor do your assumptions about the dynamics of her friendships with guys.

CatchPhraze · 2023-09-15T19:07:11+00:00

You find me an all female friend group into high end mythic raiding and trains then

Billsandasonom · 2023-09-15T19:15:25+00:00

To piggyback off this, is a woman with a lot of male friends the same (or similar) as a man with a lot of female friends?

Novadina · 2023-09-15T19:41:24+00:00

Some hobbies and fields just have more men in it. I know many of my hobbies do and that’s why I have male friends, because I meet them through work, school, or hobbies. How is it my fault in any way that more women don’t do these things? It’s not like I can control how many other women join my hobby.

It’s a huge red flag if a man thinks simply “having friends” is bad.

WistfulPuellaMagi · 2023-09-15T23:19:41+00:00

Nah. I just like nerdy shit and many guys like nerdy shit including my bf lol

Fuzzherp · 2023-09-16T03:46:15+00:00

It has less to do with naivety and more to do with internalized misogyny.
I was like this at one point. If you have a lot of interests that are male dominated, you end up in a spot where both genders are being pretty hostile towards you. Boys being hostile because they treat you like you don’t know the hobby, girls being hostile cause you hang out with boys and aren’t feminine enough. You kinda adopt this weird “women, amirite” persona to fit in with the shitty boys. At the same time, the men you’ve made friends with sorta put you on a pedestal since it’s uncommon to find somebody they see as a potential partner interested in those things. They would absolutely sleep with her, because they probably like her and are too naive themselves to realize that sharing hobbies doesn’t make you compatible. It makes for a weird state.
You’re right to not really trust them, but not because they might be sleeping with their friends, I never did when I went through that shitty character arc, but it’s a very emotionally immature mindset.
A lot of girls like that are just girls that have been pushed out by other girls, gatekept by boys, and got some shit to unpack.

esdebah · 2023-09-15T16:38:55+00:00

Nah. Girls are, like, people. They can be fun to hang out with.

JumboJetz · 2023-09-15T17:24:11+00:00

I don’t find it to be a red flag.

You are basically saying you know of an instance where a woman had a male friend and he wanted to date her. So what?

You can turn down women with male friends if you want. I won’t.

Ohyarlysmiles · 2023-09-16T00:26:57+00:00

Why is it a red flag?

If she has a bunch of male friends she's just platonic with, whatever. If she has a friend group where she's fucked multiple guys in the friend group, that's the red flag.

I don't tend to have female friends because I don't know what the point is of hanging out with someone you're attracted to who isn't attracted to you.

...

And the unattractive ones typically develop or have feelings...which I don't want to deal with.

Worldly-Designer1686 · 2023-09-15T12:53:50+00:00

Women are very very smart .They always know what is going on.Never beleive they don't

HmanTheChicken · 2023-09-15T14:56:18+00:00

Women think of most men as NPCs anyway, so I believe they can view their friends platonically. Still, I think boundaries are important so I’m not a fan

I shouldn’t have to trust you to only have friends you see as NPCs

Aromatic_Ad5473 · 2023-09-15T19:04:04+00:00

Men thinking women with male friends are a red flags are the actual red flag

MidoriEgg · 2023-09-15T16:36:28+00:00

Yeahhh I do tend to think girls who don’t have many female friends but a ton of male hangers on are red flag. Usually they say girls are too much drama, but they cause 99% of the drama. And heaven forbid one of their male ‘friends’ shows you any attention, or you get more male attention on a night out or something.

Apocalypstik · 2023-09-15T21:39:08+00:00

I’ve always been a tomboy and am autistic. Be mad.

Plenty of dudes aren’t threatened by it.

CombinationMore4630 · 2023-09-15T18:23:30+00:00

These long confession texts never work. Chicken shit dudes won't get chicks by being chicken shit. Reward takes risk

Welllarmedhippie · 2023-09-15T21:04:01+00:00

If you're satisfying your woman you shouldn't even be worried about this.

kalashhhhhhhh · 2023-09-16T08:27:55+00:00

I'm actually more of a girly girl, and most of my friends overall are girls. Nowadays, I don't even feel like meeting and hanging out with random guys.

But my main group of friends consists mostly of guys. The majority of them are my friends from high school. I didn't seek out male friends on purpose. My best friend from hs is a girl, and the two of us just started hanging out and vibing with the guys at one point, and we remained friends. (my generation in high school consisted of 130ish girls and 30ish boys).

So I've been friends with those guys for 5+ years. I have been in a relationship (current or past one) for the vast majority of our friendship. My guy friends have always been respectful of my relationships, in fact, they were the ones who introduced my boyfriend to me- he also became a part of that friend group at one point. He never viewed my friendship with those guys as a red flag.

My friends have no reason to simp and salivate over me- all of them have had girlfriends, some even very long term and ongoing from high school. Two of them are manwhores with no shortage of women, and literally none of them are struggling with dating and women.

So just let me have friends in peace damn

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Fire_Tiger73 · 2023-09-15T18:53:16+00:00

I disagree. Women with a lot of male friends they are addicted to attention from - red flag. But sometimes women just have jobs or hobbies that are male-dominated and have a lot of male friends. I have a friend who works on motorcycles and scooters as a hobby - she has loads of male friends because of how that community is. She isn't chasing romantic attention from them, she just wants to geek out about motorcycle engines with them.

Flightlessbirbz · 2023-09-15T22:13:31+00:00

Generally I agree, and same for men having lots of female friends. However, there are caveats. At first I was concerned about how many female friends my fiancé mentioned, then I started meeting them and found these women are mostly lesbians and the rest are married or partnered. In my experience men have not wanted to be “just friends” with women, but it turns out he has issues trusting men and gets along better with more stereotypically “masculine” women. So there are general rules but YMMV.

The things you should be watching for are a) do they introduce you to their opposite sex friends? and b) are these friends mostly single, straight, and attractive? This sub tends to be heteronormative, but bisexual people have to have friends too and have to learn to be friends with people of a gender they could be attracted to. So once again, yes in general lots of opposite sex friends are a red flag. But when you’re in the lgbtq community, and depending on individuals, things can change.

Easy-Broccoli-2453 · 2023-09-15T23:26:26+00:00

I'd say its more of a red flag if they have no male friends.

ManzBearzPigzIzRealz · 2023-09-16T02:23:36+00:00

A seasoned (female) phycologist once told me that it is a giant red flag it the majority of a woman’s friends are men. And, If women like a woman, she will have female friends. If women (collectively) don’t like a woman, something is wrong with her.

Excellent_Badger123 · 2023-09-16T04:22:33+00:00

I’ve always had male friends (as well as women friends). I had to deal with some of my male friends confessing feelings for me when I was younger but it wasn’t a problem necessarily. I always handled it with respect/compassion and gave them an easy face saving way out of the friendship. I’ve also had close platonic friendships with some of my male coworkers where this was never an issue.

Last year I moved to a new place with my husband where the social landscape is heavily populated with mostly single younger than us males. Those males are my new friend group mostly because that’s who I meet. My husband doesn’t care if I go out to lunch with one of them or socialize alone with them. It’s not a red flag because he knows I’m not going to have any romantic interest in them, nor them in me. Not every man/woman friendship situation is a red flag or a beta orbiter, dick in waiting kind of thing.

Sufficient-Print-705 · 2023-09-16T06:28:36+00:00

Women like that are typically into the attention and enjoy having men around who treat her and inflate her ego when she doesn't have to provide anything other than her presence. Many of the women I have known who do this are emotionally unstable and show aspects of Histrionic personality disorder with the excessive flirting and dressing provocitively. Attention is the drug and sexuality is how they get it.

ImpossibleSquish · 2023-09-16T06:52:04+00:00

you just put yourself into a position where more men now think they have a chance with you

You're projecting dude. For once I'll say "not all men". Not all men are trying to fuck all their female friends. That's a you problem

Uglypostwall · 2023-09-16T07:39:38+00:00

I see.I have more male friends than female friends due to crazy hatred I developed for being woman.I dont blame men if they think I am red flag.

I got manipulated by women more than men.While being friends with women is cool, it can sometimes be challenging because they may enter into a competitive mode with you for no apparent reason and can be easily offended. I see lots of crab mentality with them.Male friends help me more.

sweetbrown89 · 2023-09-16T09:10:56+00:00

Wait…you’re saying me hanging with the gays is repelling straight men?

FUCKING JACKPOT!

Last_Rule_2536 · 2023-09-17T02:53:51+00:00

This post is weird because you assume the majority of women who have male friends that are

1.) Single 2.) Straight

A lot of my male friends are either in relationships, or gay. Or, hear me out, we just have mutual interests but no romantic feelings towards one another - similar to female friendships. I think the red flag is men who think there is no such thing as a friendship without potential sexual perks

Live_Operation2420 · 2023-09-17T06:35:54+00:00

All my friends are guys.

Never cheated or seen any of their dicks. I am not a unicron.

AttackOnTightPanties · 2023-09-18T15:16:28+00:00

My main friend group from home was mostly guys (even though I tend to have more female friends), and I think the main reason none of my boyfriends has ever felt threatened is because they come off as gay lol.

Title	Women with a lot of male friends are a instant 'red flag'
Author	Napo_De_Leone
Upvotes	149
Comments	146
Date	September 15, 2023 12:48 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/16jch71/women_with_a_lot_of_male_friends_are_a_instant/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/women-with-a-lot-of-male-friends-are-a-instant-red.1231914 https://theredarchive.com/post/1231914

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