Tell me the good things about getting divorced

acg34 · 2023-10-04T14:24:48+00:00

My credit rating went up over 200 points.

Tobeyx97 · 2023-10-04T14:48:05+00:00

Just peace of mind. Not being toxic all the time. The quiet, sadness yes but less stress. Knowing that ur health and heart will improve if u allow it to. Just the freedom to do what u want without having to consider the other person…..depending on urself for your own happiness and needs. I am still sad every day but mine isn’t finalized yet. The biggest upside this far for me is the peace…..I was in a toxic marriage for so long I forgot what peace felt like

EmotionSix · 2023-10-04T15:20:12+00:00

Having so much more sex now.

Dangerous_Item_6879 · 2023-10-04T15:25:25+00:00

You will sleep better in the bed by yourself in a quiet house.
No more bitching and complaining about anything. Want to leave the dishes dirty all weekend? Go right ahead.
Credit card bills will be much lower
You will start having lots of good sex again.
You can attack your life from a selfish mentality going forward? Want to buy a Jeep or a gun or a motorcycle? Go right ahead.
You will hopefully be smarter with women going forward and learn from your mistakes. Never move in together with a woman.
You will have lots of time to hang out with your male friends.
You will have time to take up hobbies you were always interested in
If you have kids, you will be hyper focused on being the best father you can be with the limited time you have with them.
Your stress levels will be lower than they have been in many years.

ChiefsGuy2014 · 2023-10-04T16:36:53+00:00

My credit card debt has mysteriously remained at $0 for almost 2 years.

Gattsama · 2023-10-04T15:27:44+00:00

Control of your time. I've always worked out, and the eX always complained about it. I remember the first time I ran 10mi, shared it with her and her response was 'so now you are going to start running for 2hrs at a time?!?' During the separation I was working out way more regularly. Was out for a short 3mi run and felt great, wanted to keep going.

The first thought I had was, this is going to cause drama, what's going to be my excuse. My second thought was, oh yeah, that doesn't matter any more. And the smile and warmth that brought to me heart I can not fully describe. I had been suppressing so much, taken on the caretaker role (which to be fair is my fault), and added so many chores over the years.

To just be at peace... To buy food and not have to hear BS about how much it cost. To take a longer run or bike ride. To do a 4 hour workout and not have to look at the time, that's just what it worked out too. The peace, not having to justify, explain, argue, defend or deal with someone just to live your life...

However, in my case no kids. That makes a huge difference.

Big_Marsupial_8142 · 2023-10-04T15:02:41+00:00

It is literally a NEW beginning... You get to make it whatever you choose.

Eat what you want - when you want.

Talk to anyone you want - without the STBXW questioning your loyalty / motives.

Make spur of the moment decisions / plans without getting the 3rd degree about it.

Spend YOUR hard earned cash ANY Goddamn way you see fit. Buy a convertible, get a new suit, take a vacation and chill out on the beach.

Gain some sanity / clarity back in your life without the arguments / fighting about dumb, irrelevant crap.

Re-establish relationships with family and friends who have been neglected during your marriage.

Knowing that you're going to be OKAY and that it is 100% acceptable to choose YOUR WELL BEING moving forward.

Good luck with your journey - Don't feel guilty about it. You're going to be okay!!!

7empest-247 · 2023-10-04T15:04:23+00:00

I do what I want...

And who

rb577511 · 2023-10-04T15:05:31+00:00

You get to reinvent yourself. All the things you may have wanted or wanted to do that you gave up you can look into again. You are in charge of your life again.

WindowFuzz · 2023-10-04T15:33:17+00:00

A divorce is very difficult, even if you are leaving a terrible marriage. I think it is important to plan ahead and fill your days/evenings/weekends. It's great that you have kids so 50% of your time is occupied. You probably want 10-20% alone time, so this means you only need to fill about 30-40% of your time. I found it helpful to make a calendar for the month and intentionally schedule activities weeks in advance--it is a terrible thing to discover, on Friday evening, that you will not see another person you know until Monday because you failed to plan ahead and schedule walks/dinners, etc.

The upside of the divorce is that you have a chance to rediscover who you are. Most of us have spent the past 10-30 years twisting ourselves into a facsimile of ourselves in order to cater to the demands of our ex-spouse. You mentioned that you get to play games, for example. The hard part here is rediscovering who were actually are. We've gotten so good at suppressing our true nature we don't even know what we want to do anymore. Society will be happy to give you all kinds of consumer-oriented expensive things to do, like vacations, expensive hobbies, etc., but that is a dead end because it is advertising executives that are now controlling you instead of your ex-spouse. There are also a gazillion unhealthy things to do as well, such as excessive computer gaming or pornography or TikTok doom scrolling. It helps to be intentional about how you spend your new freedom in order to become the best version of yourself you can possible be. Do it for yourself and for your kids. I found the MensWork book to be useful. You may also want to consider joining a Mens group. This journey will take years, but that is the case with anything worthwhile.

Fwooply · 2023-10-04T15:39:45+00:00

Personal renaissance.

We were married for 20+ years. We adopted each other's bad habits. I think this is a trap that many couples fall into over time. It's the path of least resistance of the lazier one. One doesn't make the bed? Neither make the bed. One doesn't want a career? Neither want a career (or worse, one resents a solo career).

Once she left the picture, I said, "I can't live like this any more." All my good habits snapped back over the next year. It was awesome.

salty-sheep-bah · 2023-10-04T17:46:25+00:00

I can lay in bed and eat breakfast burritos for dinner while watching whatever I want on Netflix.

tspice1 · 2023-10-04T16:11:01+00:00

I got to have sex again. Lots of it. Horny single moms out here. I had a vasectomy so as long as they have a clean bill of health this daddy is handing out creampies.

Descarted1 · 2023-10-04T15:22:57+00:00

I found out how little I need to keep myself happy. Just be kind to yourself.

MrEpicMustache · 2023-10-04T16:56:35+00:00

Less hair clogging things. My savings rate married was like 10% on 2 incomes. I kept the house, and on 1 income my savings rate is 25%. So you get to keep more of your own money.

Mangrove43 · 2023-10-04T18:40:59+00:00

Peace

WillyT_21 · 2023-10-04T16:26:10+00:00

https://www.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/16ndgb1/fellas_please_send_me_your_thoughtsprayersgood/

MartyMcFly7 · 2023-10-04T16:35:05+00:00

Well... I got to keep the house, so I suddenly found myself with TONS of closet space and I had the garage all to myself (which was awesome!). I also had total control over the finances and many of the household bills decreased (turns out wives are expensive).

The house became very peaceful after she was gone (no more mindless bickering), and the time I spent with the kids was much more meaningful and one-on-one. There was a lot more "me" time to play games, work on hobbies, work out, watch the movies and shows I wanted to watch, listen to the music I wanted to hear, etc.

It only took a couple months before I was introduced to someone else; we started dating, and 1.5 years later, she moved in. I lost my closet and garage space, lol, but it's nice to be with someone who actually wants to be with me, instead of someone who only feels contempt and is always looking for a way out. (Not to mention the new GF is better in every respect: way cuter, thinner, smarter, educated, takes care of herself, earns more, and we share more of the same values).

So far, I'm finding cohabitation to be a MUCH better arrangement compared to marriage. We both manage our own finances, so I don't have to worry about money, and if we break up, there's no legal expenses and I don't lose half my stuff.

Do I wish my marraige would've worked out? Of course! It was a total nightmare when things were ending, but now, even my kids say we both seem happier. Good marraiges don't end, so if you're getting divorced, it's probably for good reasons. But it's not the end, it's just the beginning of a new chapter.

Drjaydvm · 2023-10-04T17:44:58+00:00

I get to parent and interact with my kids how I want. I told them that they were going to meet the “real” me, not the depressed miserable version. I have tons more free time and money. I do things I want to do, buy things I want to buy. If a woman I’m dating isn’t working out, I can just break up with her. So yes, it does get better. My kids have adapted, I think they are happier without the constant tension and strife.

Diablo_Canyon2 · 2023-10-04T18:09:22+00:00

No more coming home to an angry bipolar harpy.

U_feel_Me · 2023-10-04T23:16:28+00:00

There is now space in your life for a real partner.

upvotersfortruth · 2023-10-05T00:41:36+00:00

Life
Liberty
Pursuit of Happiness

ForgottenSon2 · 2023-10-05T12:43:31+00:00

More sex, no nagging, no going to bullshit broadway plays, more quiet, more peace, no listening to bullshit work stories that I don’t care about, no nagging (yes again), no requirement of getting my wife flowers quarterly, getting denied for sex. Come and go as you please, freedom is good. And I have 50/50 custody and my wife pays me child support. I can’t complain.

ragingredditir · 2023-10-04T15:54:08+00:00

I’ve taken more guys trips in the last year than I have in the previous ten (I’m in Vegas now)

I go to sleep, wake up and eat whenever I want and however I want.

I talk to whoever I want and spend my time however I want.

I work as long and as hard as I want too with no grief.

I only have to do my own laundry and only have to clean up after myself. I also can spend my own money on me.

I met an amazing woman and we have great conversations and fun adventures. When we’re together we’ll have more sex in a weekend then a typical married couple has in a month. And it’s great sex.

ww3historian · 2023-10-04T19:19:35+00:00

No yelling

Don’t have to hide porn.

No frustrations when she doesn’t do basic stuff

Ability to hit on any woman I find attractive.

Don’t have to see mid 40s woman listen to Taylor Swift

ciscokid12345 · 2023-10-04T20:49:41+00:00

no “live laugh love” or anything about wine on my walls.
no throw pillows
not spending half my check on bullshit
even with the $2200 in child support/alimony i’m still saving more more than i’ve was when i was married.
sleeping with 35+ year old women is like shooting fish in a barrel. if you learn the game, you can have so much no strings attached sex it will make your head spin.
more free time to go back to school, start a new business, get really good at your hobby, etc

Physical-Pie748 · 2023-10-04T19:05:37+00:00

your money is your money, you have more energy money and time for yourself, you can decide what you want to do whenever you want, you dont have any risks of getting a woman pregnant and a second child, at this point the next years of your earned money is your money and you dont have to give half of it to an another person.

StoneyRocksInMySocks · 2023-10-04T21:45:47+00:00

The following good things about my divorce:

-I don’t have to deal with her Jekyll & Hyde emotions anymore.

-No more messy house where I feel like I’m on an episode of Hoarders.

-I come home to a peaceful house with no drama.

-No more dealing with her being super sensitive about every trivial thing.

Even though I got bent over with no lube financially, I still own my home. I'm just glad I'm not with that gold digging b*tch anymore!

Elliot9874 · 2023-10-04T23:59:22+00:00

I can do what I want with the kids with out asking for permission and everything is written in our agreement. So now I can truly do what I want with them.

McWhiffersonMcgee · 2023-10-05T01:29:39+00:00

I have more sex in a week then I had in the last 5 years of marriage

Blackbarnabyjones · 2023-10-05T05:34:55+00:00

When I was hooked, and it was time for nookie,

I went kicking and screaming like Al Bundy.

5-10 times a year was too much. She had to remind me.

4 years after we were done. Got laid 100+times that year and every year after that for around 10 years.

Bought a passport. used it. Never left the first place I went.

PghSubie · 2023-10-05T12:22:10+00:00

It was a very frustrating time --dreading Friday afternoons because it meant being at home all weekend with her. And conversely, looking forward to Monday mornings. The reduction in stress was fantastic.

No_Door5577 · 2023-10-05T15:09:17+00:00

Over two months in we’re still battling in in court. It was really really hard at first especially emotionally I was a wreck. But as time goes by you can start seeing things for what they are. Still depressed but also happier at the same time. I have my freedom back and can be the person I am again instead of she wanted me to be. As time goes on the freedom feels better then the pain hurts if that makes sense.

ReadyPosition4015 · 2023-10-05T20:51:56+00:00

Unmatched freedom and choice without guilt.

Worth-Prompt195 · 2023-10-06T11:52:34+00:00

You have an opportunity to rebuild your life🔥🚀

Signal-Dot2326 · 2023-10-07T19:47:26+00:00

I lost 40 pounds got a better job start feeling better starting thinking better had so much more fun and good times with my daughter

jd385272 · 2023-10-09T01:25:51+00:00

I love this post, I read some of the comments and they made me happy, as I'm planning to file for a divorce in the next few months.

I saved it to read the rest later.

wizeguy1957 · 2023-10-09T05:18:10+00:00

Peace and quiet. There is nothing better.

RideATX · 2023-10-04T16:42:08+00:00

Positive:

Getting laid on demand by good girls who do whatever is asked of them
Doing whatever I want, whenever I want, all the time
Never looking about my bank account because if I didn't spend it the balance doesn't change
Not having to listen to stupid stories about friends, neighbors or co-workers.

Downside:

Sometimes if I don't want to invite a girl over I have to fold my own laundry...

soontobesolo · 2023-10-04T15:25:01+00:00

The best part is you get to pursue your own happiness, in your own way. You live the life you want to live. You'll get there!

Also, having lots of sex with different ladies is always fun too. No shame in the post-divorce slut phase.

jimsmythee · 2023-10-04T17:42:29+00:00

It's been 5 years since I divorced my exwife.

Good things;

I don't have to deal with her addiction problems to pills. No more 10 different doctors, 3 different pharmacies, ER visits, etc.

I am not financially responsible for her car crashes anymore.

I could reconnect with friends she didn't like. I can go to happy hour with coworkers without her throwing a fit.

I spend a lot more time with my kids (50% custody) and not have her there being hyper-critical about every little thing.

There's money in the bank and she can't spend it.

There's vacations I take and she can't ruin them.

I can watch a TV show without being interrupted every 90 seconds with her asking stupid questions.

I can go to the movies and watch a movie that I want to watch, and she's not there to talk through the movie and offer advice to the characters on the screen.

I can do the hobbies I have always enjoyed that she didn't like.

I don't have to go to her parents' house anymore only to get berated for not liking the disgusting food they made. I don't like cooked fish, hate the smell of it.

I don't get guilted anymore in going to her sibling's or parents' house to do chores over there, that they "Don't have the money to fix."

The list goes on and on.

missmewitDam · 2023-10-04T20:09:40+00:00

However much it costs, you will have peace and quiet in your home. You will feel at peace, your mind will be calm. It's worth every penny. Dating chicks that are in their early 20's that are hotter and tighter is really great too. But it takes time for that part, go to therapy and get your mind right before dating again.

Least_Winter9632 · 2023-10-04T21:32:07+00:00

One of the best parts for me has been being in total control of my finances and not having to finance all of her bullshit. No charges from Kohls, Marshalls, TJ Max, Target, Victorias Secret, Amazon, Amazon, Amazon, $300 haricuts. No speeding tickets to pay. No repairs to her vehicle she wrecked. I’m crushing it financially even after paying her sorry ass child support. It’s truly better on the other side my man, but can be a painful road to get there, but we’ve all walked it. I look back and cannot believe the shitshow my life used to be when I was married to that miserable person. You’re future is bright!!!

Key_Preference_4594 · 2023-10-04T16:35:27+00:00

Time to yourself to do what you want. Want to go out to drink with friends? Sure. Want to stay up to read manga? Sure. Want to sleep in on weekend? Sure.

If money permits, want to go holiday tomorrow? Sure. At holiday want to meet some local girls and flirt a bit or maybe even sleep a bit? Sure

Classic_Dill · 2023-10-04T20:52:07+00:00

I have more personal money, i have more confidence, I'm thinner, i can parent the way i want, i have self respect, i know my self worth, i learned the power of NO, my wardrobe is looking really good, i dont have an emotional vampire sucking the very life out of me on the daily, sleeping with various women, finally becoming the man i always wanted to be.

sbarrowski · 2023-10-04T21:34:26+00:00

The immediate relief of NO LONGER having to walk on eggshells. Going wherever the F you want on vacation. I guarantee every one of us has wanted to vacation somewhere that the wife said no to. There’s a lot more. It’s not all bad. You’ll probably have more clear picture of where your money goes too. A lot of women spend money on all kinds of stuff they don’t need, just because buying stuff is fun. And you can look at Pornhub without feeling guilty 😉

whiskey_piker · 2023-10-04T22:56:06+00:00

Setting an example for your kids that they don’t need to stay in a shitty, uninspiring and emotionally draining relationship is a pretty big upside.

You set the example for your kids. If your relationship wasn’t great and you didn’t address those things, that’s on you. Look internally for why you resisted.

Signal-Ad8118 · 2023-10-04T19:53:50+00:00

For me (f), it's just getting to have my own schedule. No longer being dictated to in terms of what we're doing and when. I have my own life admin, tasks & errands to manage. He put everything onto my plate to the detriment of my self, which was beyond the "share & share alike" agreement we made at marriage. I no longer need permission to do things I want and the absolute biggest & best part is no longer parenting an adult child. I waste waaaay less time cleaning up messes I never made, a few times a day..... I have my life back. You'll get yours back too 💕

Worth-Prompt195 · 2023-10-06T11:57:33+00:00

🤣🤣👍🏾👍🏾🤣🤣

Title	Tell me the good things about getting divorced
Author	goldnugget1988
Upvotes	42
Comments	140
Date	October 4, 2023 2:13 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/16zoc78/tell_me_the_good_things_about_getting_divorced/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/tell-me-the-good-things-about-getting-divorced.1234049 https://theredarchive.com/post/1234049

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