What do you think of the very common idea of "any woman who rejects you because of your height is a shallow woman who is not worth it anyway"?

Crls__ · 2023-10-12T14:29:36+00:00

Example

Royjonespinkie · 2023-10-12T14:44:43+00:00

For some reason rejection based on height isn't seen as shallow as with other traits - I think there is hypocrisy here but too tired to delve it. This is the 2nd thread today I've commented on height.

Mobrowncheeks · 2023-10-12T15:12:55+00:00

Dating is discriminatory, and dating is shallow. Being shallow isn’t even an insult in this regard, it just is. There is a quality of woman that any individual man will not interact with, regardless of her personality. Same with women, and that changes for each individual.

Being upset that someone who doesn’t want you, won’t date you , is useless. We have to only focus on people who want us.

BillyPilgrim75 · 2023-10-12T16:12:22+00:00

I'm fairly tall and I'm old and out of the dating world so I'm a mostly impartial observer.

Saying that a shorter man dodged a bullet if a woman only dates men of a certain height is partly or maybe entirely a sour grapes response. Trying to make a relationship work with someone who's not into you is folly, so in that sense it's true enough, but......

Given all the hype around tall men it's hard to imagine a shorter man who doesn't have an occasional doubt about himself, and a rejection specifically because of his height will only strengthen that doubt. Short men, relative to their similar but taller counterpart men face a relative scarcity in dating possibilities, and short enough men face a genuine absolute kind of scarcity. So even when the wise response is to accept that she's not into you because of your height/her preference and to move on, that niggling voice asking "move on to whom" is a partly rational voice for most short men, and entirely rational for a few.

That doesn't change their reality, but it can make it harder to gracefully accept. And being short and lacking grace about it just makes things tougher so the sour grapes response is probably unhelpful, especially if it leaves him feeling like the woman rejecting him is flawed and not simply uninterested. Words shape our thoughts and feelings, and walking around thinking women who don't like X are shitty makes you a bullet to be dodged even by women who are fine with X. In a "damn but life can suck sometimes" sort of way.

Rezboy209 · 2023-10-12T15:32:47+00:00

It's stupid because all of us men have preferences do we not? Women too, can have preferences. We need to stop playing like physical attraction isn't the first thing all humans gravitate towards when looking for a partner.

That shouldn't be the end all be all, BUT, women are allowed to have preferences just as much as we men are.

grillopie · 2023-10-12T14:34:37+00:00

Anyone who rejects you solely because of your height is quite shallow. Do you want someone to like you in such large part just because of height?
Not everyone rejecting you is rejecting you solely because of height, so dont assume that.
Theres no point obsessing over each individual flaw you have. No one is perfect. Focus on what you do have.

SaintVersace · 2023-10-13T00:11:18+00:00

women have the right to reject height. just like men have the right to reject weight and age

Comfortable-Dare-307 · 2023-10-12T17:47:02+00:00

Rejecting someone for height is a LOT worse than rejecting someone for weight. Height is not something that can be changed. Weight can be controlled. Women who have height requirements are extremely shallow and not worth your time.

retal1ator · 2023-10-12T16:32:22+00:00

As a man I say it’s full blown cope.

Rejecting a woman solely based on physical attributes is totally valid to me and the same applies to men.

I don’t see why anyone should be morally compelled to date someone that doesn’t tick their boxes.

Do you want to be dated by a woman because her friends think she’s shallow if she doesn’t date you?

I want a woman that ardently wants me, nothing less.

Naebany · 2023-10-13T08:23:23+00:00

I think it's a cope. I don't care if women like me for my height. It's their right. I like them for their slim figure if they've got one.

abaxeron · 2023-10-12T14:48:39+00:00

Tl;dr, answering to the title.

"What do you think of the very common idea of "any woman who rejects you because of your height is a shallow woman who is not worth it anyway"?" -

I think this is what moms tell the boys that end up as greentext story protagonists with cooked spaghetti in their pockets.

There are always these sweet five words to remember. "All. Women. Are. Like. That." Even in your example, if a short guy hooks up with a racist who's okay with short guys, it doesn't mean that racist is not shallow. It just means that he managed not to trigger the shallowness.

What to tell instead:

"Next time fuck first, develop a crush later."

BoomTheBear86 · 2023-10-12T15:02:35+00:00

Not saying it’s right or wrong or whatever, preferences are preferences.

But if you are rejecting someone solely for their height, and none of their other attributes were objectionable. Yes, in my opinion that is shallow.

RIchardjCranium · 2023-10-12T18:07:26+00:00

The problem is, if it’s something arbitrary like hey I don’t like blue eyes. That’s one thing. But when 95% of the female population would not even piss on you if you were on fire because you’re seen as “defective“ then it gets a little difficult to rationalize.

zaph239 · 2023-10-12T18:11:14+00:00

I think that women who have the 6 foot rule can often shoot themselves in the foot.

The number who tolerate mediocre boyfriends because the the top of his head is 6 foot or more off the ground is hilarious.

For example I was chatting to a woman in the library, we were getting on and her boyfriend wandered over. Shame for me that was taken but I was astonished that such an attractive women would date such a mediocrity.

The guy could barely string a sentence together, his clothes were covered in stains and he stank. He must have been 6'2" or 6'3", so that was all that seemed to matter to her.

RootingRound · 2023-10-12T14:23:21+00:00

It doesn't sound like a sustainable belief to say that the people who don't like your appearance are shallow, and thus beneath your consideration.

Everyone has traits they don't find attractive.

This would make everyone shallow, and everyone beneath your consideration.

JNRoberts42 · 2023-10-12T15:18:39+00:00

It’s very tough to respond diplomatically to the same people who complain about beta bux or deadbedrooms.

Does a man want mutual physical desire? Or does he feel that he has the right to choose a woman he is physically attracted to yet her own physical preferences render her “shallow” simply because he feels women don’t have the same desires and sexual needs?

Because it always seems like the latter. Men hold the belief that women don’t care about sex… until the day they realize that sexual attraction is important to the woman who rejected them, at which point he attacks her character.

Let him pick a tall, overweight woman, a flat chested or flat-assed woman; a woman with features entirely the opposite he fantasizes about and searches for in public and in porn.

Only then can he make a character judgment on women who reject for height, or weight, or hair, or dick size…

DreaminInChocolate · 2023-10-12T14:43:22+00:00

I rarely see anyone saying "well we all have the right to our preferences and to choose people we find attractive, it's unfortunate but the other person hasn't done anything wrong"

People say this all the time and it's the truth.

but people try to console people by saying that the person who rejected them is a shitty person and that they haven't missed out on anything

I disagree with saying that they're a shitty person, but you haven't missed out on anything by not being with a person that doesn't want you. You can't make someone want you.

Safinated · 2023-10-12T14:16:18+00:00

Why would you want to date someone who doesn’t want you?

Lift_and_Lurk · 2023-10-12T15:06:53+00:00

I think that anyone can have preferences and I don’t want to be with someone who I’m not what they want.
It’s not like she’s the only pretty woman out there anyways

Mydragonurdungeon · 2023-10-12T15:09:38+00:00

It's silly because it is the vast majority of women who desire tall partners but of course they will pretend it's not a general problem.

Chocat_X_Stencchi · 2023-10-12T15:13:54+00:00

Here’s a better question. Who is more shallow? Somebody who wants multiple things out of you. Or someone who wants just one thing out of you?

TenaciousVillain · 2023-10-12T16:15:35+00:00

A lot of people responding to you are completely missing very good points that you are bringing up:

People are entitled to their preferences.

Preferences do not automatically make a person shallow.

Placing extreme value on superficial things is what makes a person shallow.

Just because someone prefers something, doesn’t mean it holds significant value and high priority for them. They have simply established a boundary for their life experiences. “Of all the options available for me, I want to spend my finite time on XYZ.” People are entitled to that. It’s also smart. We’re not immortal.

The people who have a difficult time thinking logically and rationally about why they were rejected/excluded, or who take extreme offense to someone else’s boundaries are the problematic people in the dating scene (and arguably in the world). They jump to emotional and illogical conclusions and feel entitled to other people’s time, attention and affection. You’re not.

And I’ll add this because I kept seeing it in the comments: Dating in itself is not inherently shallow. We use it to get to know one another.

InjectAdrenochrome · 2023-10-12T16:31:03+00:00

Everybody is shallow to some extent so I don't see this "you dodged a bullet" thing as particularly compelling as a comfort tactic. I can see why people would think it's a "bullet dodged" if your girlfriend lost attraction to you due to you being emotionally vulnerable or going through some stuff. But getting rejected outright for height or physical attractiveness? That doesn't mean she's some awful woman who isn't worth anything. Just like how most guys would reject a morbidly obese woman, do you really think she "dodged a bullet" when a guy rejects her? It sounds like she got hit with the fucking bullet to me.

Reversegiraffe1 · 2023-10-12T19:23:12+00:00

Us guys need to start using the "yOu dOdGeD a bUlLETT" trope more often. All those women complaining about "unrealistic beauty standards" should be told their whole movement is worthless cause they ultimately "dodged a bullet" if a guy refuses to date them cause their weight or age. They should use their weight, age, and other undesirable features to filter out bad suitors. When you start filtering out 85%-90% of the population as is the case for men >5'6 then your bullet dodging trope starts to make little sense. Yeah though, telling those men they're Neo from the Matrix is supposed to somehow make them feel better. Just another form of gaslight and stfu to say to guys when women are blantantly shallow also.

Toxic_LigmaMale · 2023-10-12T22:33:33+00:00

Well it is shallow. But you’re allowed to be shallow in dating. The problem comes from the hypocrisy. If you think it’s perfectly acceptable to reject people over height, but it’s not okay to reject people over weight, then you’re a hypocrite. If you’re consistent, it’s usually not an issue.

Luciansleep · 2023-10-12T14:33:21+00:00

I disagree with it.

Some people like what they like and dating is inherently selfish. They don’t owe short people and me anything.

begayallday · 2023-10-12T14:48:25+00:00

I think it’s natural to want to say something supportive to someone dealing with that. I also think that while, yes, people ultimately have a right to decide who they will and won’t date, that doesn’t mean that some of those reasons aren’t shallow/racist.

penndelnj · 2023-10-12T14:21:51+00:00

It’s silly, men next women for physical things all the time. Is that shallow?

JSears90210 · 2023-10-12T16:38:32+00:00

People have preferences. It sucks.

A five foot tall woman who is attracted to a man but has no idea how tall he and refuses to date a man she initially finds attractive when she finds out he is 5 foot 10 and not six foot is shallow. A woman who was never attracted to a guy because he is not tall enough for her has a brutal preference but it is what it is. It sucks for the guy and he could be missing out.

There are many men who will not consider a woman for a relationship if she has kids or is past a certain age. This is a preference. It is brutal but it is a preference. And it sucks for the woman if the guy fits a lot of what she is looking for in a partner.

Muscletov · 2023-10-12T17:00:39+00:00

Rejecting someone due to an arbitrary physical trait that has virtually no bearing on day-to-day life nor personality is the textbook definition of shallow. Of course, you can't force someone to abolish their standards, even shallow ones, but you can call it out, regardless of gender.

The standard itself is not even the issue in the height debate. It's the constant gaslighting of short men and the dismissal of their experience, because the truth makes women look bad. And also the constant accusations and negative stereotyping about short men being angry, bitter or having "Napoleon Complex" or "Little Man syndrome".

Plus, what's also annoying is the double standard of men being treated much more harshly for having any standards, even more sensible ones. If, for example, men treated women with small breasts like women treat short men, hell would break loose.

Dependent-Country-69 · 2023-10-12T14:36:09+00:00

It seems like silly and obvious cope, since I know wonderful women of great character who have strict height standards.

Crls__ · 2023-10-12T16:53:21+00:00

Another example

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mrs_seng · 2023-10-12T14:41:19+00:00

This got me thinking. I used to say people who want a specific genetic trait, without a good reason for that, are shallow.

Now i think there are more aspects to it, more shades of grey.

It can be the hope that the future children will be taller if she's short and the man is tall. This is a bit weird, but ok(?) i guess 🤷

It could be that she wants to compete/impress her friends. This is being shallow.

It could be a personal preference. This is being picky.

chad_barrett · 2023-10-12T16:12:07+00:00

It sounds like cope tbh... It especially comes from women who just like to say feelgood shit. People are fine to have their preferences, even if they are shallow. Everyone is to some extent.

Whenever I hear "Well if they don't accept X, they aren't a good partner anyways" I always roll my eyes. It's just ridiculous and sounds like feel good cope. Redditors treat everything like a dating app where if anyone is not ideal and perfect, not going to therapy, and not willing to cut off their entire family for the slightest infraction, as a flawed person. So I'd take their opinions with a grain of salt.

SecondEldenLord · 2023-10-12T16:38:39+00:00

Height is literally a factor you cannot control at all and if a woman rejects you cause of that alone no matter how nice of a guy you are, she is shallow, plain and simple. And shallow people will almost always leave you for someone better looking so it is not worth it to be with a shallow woman.

Monistatvii · 2023-10-12T23:09:55+00:00

I work with several short dudes and the self emphasis they put their height let's me know it's always on the forefront of their minds. Then I hear my other peers crack height jokes on them. Since I'm not short I never put much thought into it. What really had me shaking my head was I asked my female cousin if she wanted to meet a friend of mind, she's way older like 62 and the first thing she said was he better not be short. They get no love. Short men is like fat women typically the last choice. But with body positivity even the fat chick think they a 10 and will reject a short dude. I feel bad for the little dudes.

AceOfSpadesGymBro · 2023-10-12T15:02:03+00:00

I don't ever remember getting rejected by a woman. I'm sure many have done it, but to me they simply don't exist. I only pay attention to the ones who like me.

WilliamWyattD · 2023-10-12T14:55:45+00:00

Over simplification again. Context is king.

MistyMaisel · 2023-10-12T14:59:21+00:00

As with most things, this comes down to the how of it.

When I'm telling someone they're lucky a woman or man was forthcoming with their lack of attraction, it is usually because that person was kind or polite about it and I want my friend to realize that the need to be attractive to the person they spend their life with and that person is saving them heartache in the long-run.

When I tell someone that the person who rejected them just for their height or weight or disability or what have you was a shitty person and they're lucky, it's usually because the rejection was given in a cruel and shitty way. So the luck element directed at the fact they dodged the bullet of a rotten person, not heartache in the long-run.

I realize this probably seems contradictory, but I'm giving comfort based on different styles of rejection. Not every rejection over a physical characteristic comes with a, "Fuck that person" because not every person is an asshole when they reject.

KlugOz · 2023-10-12T15:09:43+00:00

It doesn't do much to reassure me or make me feel better about being short

dronedesigner · 2023-10-12T15:18:18+00:00

Why are you deciding to police other people’s opinions ?

gntlbastard · 2023-10-12T15:32:53+00:00

Short men need to understand that they were just dealt a raw hand and deal with it.

Just as fat women need to understand that the men they want don't want them.

iGetBuckets3 · 2023-10-12T15:56:12+00:00

Given that probably 95% of women have some type of height requirement, this statement indirectly implies that about 95% of women are not worth dating. A stance that I don’t think most blue pillers would try to argue for, but they end up indirectly arguing for anyway when they say this dumb shit.

SlowEffective8146 · 2023-10-12T20:57:05+00:00

I think you can reject anyone for anything and people should stop crying about it

toasterchild · 2023-10-12T14:32:14+00:00

Most people have zero training in mentally healthy ways to deal with rejection. Sometimes you really did just dodge a bullet and sometimes it just something people say to try to help. My thought is that at least it comes from a good place. It may not always be the most helpful way to process rejection but at least nobody says it with malice.

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GrammaticalError69 · 2023-10-12T15:24:30+00:00

Don't think we need to shame people as being shallow. If they're not attracted to me, that's ok.

daddy_sydney · 2023-10-12T15:45:03+00:00

People are into what they’re into 🤷🏻‍♂️

2023-10-12T15:51:02+00:00

On to the next one. Who cares?

mahaitre · 2023-10-12T15:53:30+00:00

Attraction is shallow by nature, because it is based in natural and biological instincts.

jazzmaster1992 · 2023-10-12T16:06:27+00:00

I don't think women who reject short guys because they're short are bad people. I think dating is inherently pretty shallow, and people will select others based initially on superficial traits, whether it is skin color, hairline, height, face, or even things like being charismatic or funny/quick witted. You really can't select for "deeper" attributes because you can't know the person that well until after you start a relationship and have been in one for a long time. That's basically the risk of dating which is why I believe folks select for seemingly shallow characteristics at the start. It's not good or bad, it just is.

George69143 · 2023-10-12T16:09:15+00:00

Yeah, they are, it’s the same thing as a man rejecting all women who don’t have big tits. I would say that man is shallow and not worth it anyway. Same goes for women. Anyone who argues with this simple fact just wants to back up their shallow requirements

No-Neighborhood-5851 · 2023-10-12T16:20:59+00:00

I get what you mean by hypocrisy. FME, these are things people would say to the rejected party after the fact; if they actually witness the woman rejecting the man because of his height, no matter mean or callous she is while doing so, they always side with the woman.

webernicke · 2023-10-12T16:27:59+00:00

It's a cheap, rhetorical trick that implies (but never overtly states, since that would invite people to disprove) that there is an abundance of availible women who aren't shallow.

bifewova234 · 2023-10-12T16:51:43+00:00

Sounds like sour grapes to me

pop442 · 2023-10-12T16:54:50+00:00

Personally, I don't really see anything wrong with being shallow.

And I think it'd be better for a woman to be transparent about her height preference than dating a short guy she's not even truly attracted to as a way of virtue signaling.

Basically, transparency is the key.

Too many women love to fling around the "Napoleon Complex" claim to never date short men again just because one random 5'7 guy they dated said something about them wearing heels. I'm sorry but that's a pathetic argument for justifying saying that you'll never date a short guy again.

And the funny thing is: If a woman deals with shitty behavior from a rich guy, you'll never hear her write off all rich men because of that one guy. And if she deals with a cheating tall guy, you'll never hear her write off all tall men cause of that one guy. But women can deal with 1 or 2 instances of scenarios they perceive as a "Napoleon Complex" and that'll be the straw that'll break the camels back.

So, in my view, a woman saying she's just not attracted to short dudes is a much better alternative than trying to create a "villain arc" for random short men based off of stereotypes or limited experiences in dating. It's literally the textbook definition of prejudice to claim that one group of men is more likely to be *insert negative stereotype* than the other but women tend to forget that when comparing short men to tall men lol.

slazengerx · 2023-10-12T17:36:53+00:00

I'm quite shallow where physical attraction is concerned. So if a woman wants to reject me on the basis of my height (5'8") - or any other physical feature - I'm perfectly ok with it. I don't see what the big deal is. What's good for the goose is good for the gander.

mike-sonko · 2023-10-12T17:48:21+00:00

A woman can reject you for whatever reason she wants. It shouldn't be labeled as "shallow". People are allowed to have their preferences.

wtknight · 2023-10-12T22:29:34+00:00

I think that it's natural for a woman to at least want a man to be taller than her.

If she want him to be a lot taller than her, then I think that that is shallow.

LegAdventurous3165 · 2023-10-13T04:45:16+00:00

A girl who rejects you based on circumcision status is worse

HCHDGSH · 2023-10-13T05:42:07+00:00

If she rejected you move on to the next one. Who gives a shit what the reason is.

imitatingnormal · 2023-10-13T06:42:10+00:00

Some men like shallow women. Some men don’t. It’s a good enough as any other way to gauge that.

macone235 · 2023-10-16T19:26:31+00:00

so I don't know, I notice a lot of hypocrisy or contradictions in this topic and I think nobody criticizes this because as they are just phrases that are said to people who feel bad about rejection it seems that everything is allowed when it comes to make someone feel good even if it is false and does not make sense what is being said,

Just because it may be hypocrisy doesn't mean it's false. A woman who rejects you for your height is by definition shallow, and a man should not feel like he's missing out on anything (as much as want him to so they can feel superior about themselves).

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