[Q4All]What are your thoughts on “Foodie Calls”?

yellowho · 2023-11-02T14:18:03+00:00

"women who scored high on the “dark triad” of personality traits (i.e., psychopathy, Machiavellianism, narcissism), as well as expressed traditional gender role beliefs, were most likely to engage in a foodie call and find it acceptable."

"Although women who had engaged in a foodie call believed it was more acceptable, most women believed foodie calls were extremely to moderately unacceptable."

Not the norm and is just bait, most women will choose to go out with friends for food dates. You can also avoid the behaviour by choosing coffee dates, museums, movies or whatever.

MiddleZealousideal89 · 2023-11-02T16:13:40+00:00

I don't think the free food is worth the time spent with someone you're going to have to tolerate. I'd rather spend my money and go eat by myself.

intothemayland · 2023-11-02T14:13:08+00:00

Cheap and ridiculous. Absolute loser mentality on the part of women who do this. Wtf.

Birb-brained · 2023-11-02T14:20:29+00:00

Can’t think of anything worse than sharing a meal with someone I have no interest in. Sounds awkward.

But if that’s what someone wants to do, have at it. Reminds me of pumping and dumping which is shitty but there’s nothing I can do about people doing that, so I don’t think about it.

penndelnj · 2023-11-02T14:14:55+00:00

There are far less expensive (in time and effort) ways to get food.

howdoiw0rkthisthing · 2023-11-02T15:33:40+00:00

Personally I would 100% rather pay for my own food than make small talk with a stranger.

But if anyone is interested in the actual study that the first article is about: https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/epub/10.1177/1948550619856308

They did two online surveys. The first found that 23% of participants had engaged in at least one foodie call and that about a quarter of those women did it frequently. The second found that 33% of participants had engaged in a foodie call and that about a fifth of those women did it frequently. Which would mean that 6%-7% of women do this “professionally.”

dishonouronmycow · 2023-11-02T14:27:58+00:00

I can pay for my own food rather than hurt another person and having to spend time in public. Anyone that does this is wrong

h1shman · 2023-11-02T14:19:09+00:00

Over like a hundred lunch/dinner dates I can’t say I’ve ever felt this happen to me. Could it have? Perhaps, but it’s not prevalent enough for me to worry about.

I’ve been catfished enough times though and it’s absolutely not worth sitting across from someone you’re not attracted to for a free meal haha.

wtknight · 2023-11-02T14:47:51+00:00

There are women who have guys stored in their phone as “free food”.

What kind of guy would pay for food more than once for a woman? The most I would buy for a woman on a first date would be coffee and a danish. If she thinks I’m cheap, then that screens her out anyway because I don’t date women who aren’t frugal.

Of course, I might eventually buy a woman food, but only after she expressed genuine romantic interest in me.

Hour-Diet-4247 · 2023-11-02T14:49:12+00:00

I left a comment before saying Ive never payed on a date and one guy on here told me to enjoy my “free meals” lol. I didn’t get it until I searched it on TikTok, and I thought it was disgusting and low class. I can understand why guys do cheap dates now to prevent these women, however I think dates should be ur way of giving a good first impression and letting her see you as a suitable partner.

januaryphilosopher · 2023-11-02T16:00:58+00:00

I don't get it. Why go to all that effort for a dining experience you won't even enjoy? With all the work put in you could earn the money to get yourself something nice and enjoy it. I think there's more to it (for example, "I really don't want to offend this person who asked me out, and there'll be food I guess"). Also pretty sure that the other person would catch on quickly if you never paid on your turn or indicated liking them at all.

sweetestpineapple · 2023-11-02T16:23:51+00:00

It’s trashy. The people I’ve seen do this are usually financially stable too which makes it even worse. I’ve had a few dates where the guy paid and I genuinely wasn’t feeling it, but those were at pizza places and cheap bars so it wasn’t a huge deal. Each of those times I offered to pay half but they said no, and I never led them on after. All of my relationships have been a 50/50 situation more or less, often with me actually paying more. I have no idea if this type of behavior is more prevalent now or not, but it’s definitely seen as normal and acceptable on social media. Idk, as someone without pretty privilege it bothers me to see people use their looks to scam their way out of paying their fair share. Like the oyster girl on tiktok a few months ago… crazy. I sympathize with men who have been used for meals and money. I’ve dealt with that too, mostly with one sided friendships. It’s not okay to treat someone like that.

thetruthishere_ · 2023-11-02T17:00:28+00:00

Lame and cringe.

I would not waste my own time for some 'free food'.

AngeCruelle · 2023-11-02T18:03:41+00:00

I've said it before and I've said it again. Paying my own way for a nice meal is a small price to pay for being able to relax, feel comfortable, and not entertain a stranger.

I am also a proponent of light and casual first dates. It takes a good deal of buildup for me to agree to a full sit-down dinner date.

leosandlattes · 2023-11-02T14:12:49+00:00

Foodie calls are basically the women’s version of (undisclosed) pumping and dumping. “Using” someone for something and taking advantage of them. I think everyone would agree it’s distasteful, and it sucks because it puts a lot of good men off dating if/when they find out he’s being used as a foodie call. Some women will even do it multiple times to the same guy, which I’m sure is extra hurtful to him because he’s under the assumption that there was a mutual ongoing interest.

That all being said I always did dinner dates or some other kind of personalized activity, even when I was the one planning and paying. But my vetting process was a bit different, and I intentionally had a lengthier “talking phase” of texting/FaceTiming if I didn’t already know the person (through work or mutual friends or whatever). And most of the time I was interested in people I already knew anyway.

I dunno, I love(d) planning dates because I’m a loser and romantic, so I wanted to find someone who was equally a loser and romantic. But you do put yourself at risk for foodie calls or girls looking for “hobby dates” - men obviously moreso because they’re normally the ones who are expected to do the approaching and date planning. Y’all have my sympathy.💖

ta06012022 · 2023-11-02T14:39:06+00:00

Most of the time it’s just a drink at the bar

This was basically my thought. I've never had dinner as a first date and none of the women I've met have ever even suggested it. I don't think I've ever gone out to dinner with a woman that I haven't already slept with. It's not like I've actively avoided it, but it's just not something that's ever been suggested.

I guess if you have concerns about "foodie calls", the simple solution is to just not participate.

richard_golbes · 2023-11-02T14:22:09+00:00

It is important to note, however, that neither of these studies recruited representative samples of women, so we cannot know if these percentages are accurate for women in general.

Yeah, no. These “online surveys” are not a platform from which to generalize any of this.

Also, I would be interested to know how a “foodie call” is actually defined in the methodology. It could be anything from intentionally going on the date to score a meal with no romantic interest to retrospectively perceiving the sole value of the date having been the meal.

SeveralSadEvenings · 2023-11-02T14:15:05+00:00

yvaN_ehT_nioJ · 2023-11-02T14:29:03+00:00

In my day to day I wouldn't personally be worried about it. But I'd probably not start right out the gate with a dinner date either.

63daddy · 2023-11-02T14:58:12+00:00

I recently called it quits with a woman I’d had several dates with because she kept changing whatever we had planned into a dinner date.

For me, it’s not so much about me paying for the meals as it’s about I don’t want my interactions to revolve around eating. I find many women who claim they want to go out, be active and be adventurous really don’t. I find this especially true as I get older.

I find I get much better or more grounded follow through when the dates aren’t about fine dining as it weeds those who seek that out much faster.

begayallday · 2023-11-02T17:26:31+00:00

I’ve done it while I was unemployed, but they always at least got a blowjob out of it. That seemed more than fair to me.

ComfortableOk5003 · 2023-11-02T19:45:43+00:00

I think women who partake in this are low class trashy broke dumb bitches, I don’t put up with it, I don’t entertain it

I have never gone out with a chick for free shit

Friedrich_Friedson · 2023-11-02T21:17:06+00:00

Litterallly an easily avoidable situation if you just split the bill.

jesustan1989 · 2023-11-03T02:01:54+00:00

I believe taking advantage of someone is a shitty behavior. I think that these women are terrible people. To avoid situations like this, get to know the woman first so you get an idea of her character. I assume that in most of these foodie call scenarios, these guys just ask out whoever they think is hot. They don't even know these women personally. I'm not saying that they deserve it, but they are putting themselves at risk for these foodie call.

Safinated · 2023-11-02T14:39:10+00:00

I think you underestimate how unappealing/not worth it is for most people

And also how few people do lavish expensive dates immediately

y2kjanelle · 2023-11-02T15:40:07+00:00

I hate going on dates with men I find unattractive. Yuck. Free food is not worth some uggo trying to kiss you and you have to awkwardly pull away and then say bye and walk awkwardly to ur car as they watch you. Or god forbid you got a ride.

I just don’t rly get this from women?? Like there’s most likely a decently attractive dude who will pay for a date and you actually enjoy ur time…?

But anyways men laugh and ridicule women for getting their bodies used so idk why they don’t think it’s so hilarious to be used for their wallets 🤷🏽‍♀️

Her make up alone probably cost more than the date tbh😂

anon1029436292 · 2023-11-02T14:28:02+00:00

I don’t think they are really a thing (always exception to the rue of course), there are so many easier ways to get free food.

Also dates are expensive (travel, getting dressed up, makeup/shaving etc), it would be cheaper just to buy a cheap takeaway? Plus the time it takes. Just not worth it

Personally I’m a woman in my mid 20’s, I’ve never done it. Most of my friends are in the same demographic, none of us have ever done it. Dates are so much effort, it would be cheaper and quicker to throw on some joggers and go buy some food.

I’m convinced this myth comes from bad dates then women saying ‘at least I got a free meal’. It wasn’t the intent going in. But it’s a silver lining. Although idk why you would get a meal on a first date but different strokes I guess

solstice-sky · 2023-11-02T16:53:55+00:00

I would not get ready and spend hours of my life on a date with someone I’m not into. I can buy my own food.

I don’t do dinner dates generally until AFTER we are official or start sleeping together.

I will say, if I am into someone and they wouldn’t do a dinner date with me until we slept together, we wouldn’t be sleeping together. My friends and family treat me all the time and I don’t have to sleep with them for it lol

Able-Imagination3695 · 2023-11-02T18:03:28+00:00

My thoughts? This is what happens when 30+ year olds try to date college aged women. That's all there is to it. There are two things needed for this to happen:

1) She has to be desirable enough for dinner or a meal on the first date with no prior vetting, conversation, or means of establishing a connection first and foremost. AKA, young and hot.

2) He has to be desperate enough to land someone young and hot to offer a dinner date off the cuff with little to no vetting for connection, and have the financial means for it. AKA, old and desperate.

Physical-Pie748 · 2023-11-02T19:34:02+00:00

30% of women use foodie calls.

https://www.earth.com/news/women-foodie-calls-free-meal/

if you want sex as a man, you are better of paying an escort than dating on tinder

Stacie_Sophia199 · 2023-11-02T17:39:04+00:00

Heard of it before, I personally dont understand it and would never do. Then again I dont do dinners as first date.

DerayRevan · 2023-11-02T14:05:03+00:00

"What are your thoughts on Foodie Calls”?

Women just being women

WilliamWyattD · 2023-11-02T14:13:22+00:00

It's probably normal for a woman to go on one or two foodie dates in their life. In many cases, she probably was not really sure the guy had no chance, or could hamster herself to believing that. Past that, you are getting into 'bad person' territory.

But I don't think that they happen enough that I'd be worried about them if I were a young guy.

Katatonicsnake · 2023-11-02T14:07:14+00:00

I’ve cooked for men on the first or second date. So fine by me.

AfterDarkOpinions · 2023-11-02T14:28:07+00:00

If people (really women) are upfront about this, I have no issue. I wouldn't have any criticisms of a woman who said "Hey AfterDarkOpinions, you seem like a great guy, but I'm not interested in sleeping with you or being your girlfriend. But if you want to treat me to dinner, that's fine."

I have been on dates with women who have used me. I chalk that up to a lesson learned; I know not to spend money on dinners unless it's a woman who I've been intimate with.

Part of the reason why I was taken advantage of previously was because I was too fearful of women criticizing me for being too direct. Now, I realize being direct is one of the best ways to avoid a lot of manipulation.

Cethlinnstooth · 2023-11-02T15:03:26+00:00

I don't think it is unethical on the invited person's part so long as the person who invited them is of at least neutral status to them in terms of attractiveness, there is no barrier like a pre-existing attachment, and the invited person is willing to direct their attention to the person who issued the invitation thus giving them reasonable opportunity to show off their worth as a partner. A date is a date. If she gave you a date that met baseline requirements it isn't below baseline just because the meal was welcome. She doesn't need to have a romantic interest to start with. She just has to have not ruled it out as a future possibility.

I hold men who issue invitations responsible for the cost to them of their choice to issue an invitation to some woman they basically have no reason to believe holds a significant level of affection for them. If she thinks "well...ok... he's not appealing so far but neither is he noxious so far...let's see what sitting down to a meal with him is like" then that's not a terrible thing, it's just her giving him whatever chance can reasonably be given. People have had lifelong relationships off that sort of curiosity. If curiosity about his particular choice of restaurant is also part of it... whatever. That's not a big deal. He chose that nice steakhouse that was his choice to offer it to a stranger. So long as he isn't written off from the start and she pays attention he's had himself a baseline date. If he wants better odds he should get to know girls better before he issues an invitation to a date. If he feels he is being ignored he should ask for the bill up to that point and terminate the date.

If someone is going out with people they already find genuinely repugnant, and it is just for the food... that's sad. There's more messed up there than just what someone is willing to do for food. Basic food is pretty cheap and basic food alone is nicer than luxe food with an unlikable person at the table. If you know a person who is dating for food, shelter, protection or any other basic life need, they need to be given help...start with the details of local charities.

As for the men who think they are repeatedly victims of this? It's not a common thing in general and maybe you need to consider why it is apparently common for you specifically. Strangers are strangers, strangers encompass all levels of ethics and sanity, strangers are risky, and a person isn't any less a stranger just from being an attractive woman. While it is impossible to reduce the risks a stranger poses to zero it sure as heck is possible to have in place measures to not get in the same trouble with strangers over and over and over again with different strangers, no gaps in between. Basically if you date regularly and think dating for food is all or even most women...nah dude you're either systematically attracting and allowing this very specific thing or you're interpreting things that aren't this thing (such as someone who feels they need to shake up their dating life taking a chance that attraction will be greater in person) as this thing.

MistyMaisel · 2023-11-02T18:11:09+00:00

I've never engaged in this. I don't think I've been used for a free meal. I really can't imagine this is common at all, so it must be like two people have been documented doing it and they're zoomers so now it's a trend? I'm trying to imagine this being worth it. Dates are so awkward if you aren't into the person and food just isn't expensive enough. Like unless this is an invitation to like the fanciest of fancy restaurants, I can't see how this could possibly feel worth it. Am I crazy? A job is so much less awful than sitting across from someone you aren't into who is into you on a date.

Lina-Inverse · 2023-11-02T18:32:37+00:00

This is why you never ever go on a dinner date for the first date.

First 2 dates are very short cheap dates, coffee/brunch, light lunch for the second. 30mins to an hour in length the most.

I do 2 short light dates because I want to pay for the first and see if she offers to pay for the either one. If she offers to pay for neither, but wants a 3rd date, then at the end of that date I'll insist we split the billl and watch her reaction carefully. If she seems perturbed or angry then that's usually enough of a red flag for me to just not waste any more time on her, I will never pay for all 3 first dates on my own. FOH

If after splitting the bill she starts act distant and flaky for a next date then I just immediately ghost her and never respond and congrats you're only out 5-10 bucks and dodged cheap ass loser without much time investment. (where i live it is very rare for this to happen, most women are fine with splitting the bill but YMMV)

Aromatic_Ad5473 · 2023-11-02T19:34:42+00:00

If you don’t have romantic interest in a person who clearly has a romantic interest in you, don’t go out with them.

WYenginerdWY · 2023-11-02T20:15:30+00:00

Men will take women out on dates with the only intention being to use their actual BODY. Why am I supposed to get bent out of shape about a hypothetical tiktok girl who goes on a date so she can eat twenty bucks worth of Applebee's?

Ohmaygahh · 2023-11-02T14:50:05+00:00

Am man. It's despicable.

Fortunately I only had this happen to me once. I no longer do any initial "food" date with a woman ever since. And if new woman suggests it, I strongly put her in the "only good enough for a fuck" category, if she makes it that far.

My slip up was way back in the late 90s, this girl was gorgeous. Perfect curvaceous body. Pretty face. Studied at NYU. I was proud of myself for having the boldness to connect with her and ask her out. That she said yes immediately made me think something can happen. She said she'd like a dinner date, and I loved at the time going to "Spice" which was a mid priced Thai restaurant (damn those pork fried rolls were awesome) that had fun decor back in the day near Union Square park. Not sure if it still exists. We had an hour long dinner which was slightly painful to grit through. I was trying all sorts of conversational ways to connect, but she was just one word answers, and not even trying. Halfway through I gave up giving it an honest go, and decided to be more direct and dismissive of her, that sparked a bit more conversation on her end, but at the end it was all for nothing.

I did get a follow up txt later in the week informing me that she had gone to bang her loser fWb after having had dinner with me. I believe her. That experience really solidified a lot of things for me, but of course I felt really down on myself at the time. There really wasn't a lot I could've done different. But ever since then, no long "foodie" dates, and 99% of the time I don't pay for her alcoholic drinks unless she buys me one first. I think that really has cut down on the time wasters and on the fence girls.

Crafty_Letter_1719 · 2023-11-02T15:04:26+00:00

I think any women that regularly goes out on first dates with the expectation that the guy will pay(which is probably the majority of women) is engaging in this to some extent. I don’t think it’s even a conscious thing for most women. It’s not like there are vast amounts of them out there actively planning there lives around never having to pay for a meal but I’m sure there are lots of women who go on dates thinking best case scenario I find my future husband. Worst case scenario I get a free meal.

BaiKingu · 2023-11-02T15:46:46+00:00

I have used men for free food. Typically only if they sexualized me weirdly online, I give them hope and ghosted them after the check was paid.

Would do it again tbh.

John_Oakman · 2023-11-02T14:34:18+00:00

It is the trading of social legitimacy for monetary gains.

It is not women's fault that certain men/males don't realize the transaction or value of social legitimacy.

It is not men/society's fault that some women felt that they're pressured into it or that they're unwittingly socially legitimizing certain males.

FutureBannedAccount2 · 2023-11-02T18:31:36+00:00

Ah you mean the hobosexuals! They’re humans just like us but they gotta be honest with their partner. Who knows maybe they’re into that

SillyMushroomTip · 2023-11-02T19:42:27+00:00

Deff got played for foodie calls at least a dozen times

mumblebumblegrumble · 2023-11-03T00:39:01+00:00

Foodie calls aren't worth doing. I could go eat with friends, family or a guy I'm attracted to.

I do think foodie calls are kinder than booty calls l(pump n dump). All the guy ends up with is spending money he can earn more of in a foodie call.

In a booty call a woman risks an STD, being coerced or forced into non-consentual acts, getting pregnant & having to deal with abortion or being a baby mama. Even if none of that happens to her body counts is up 1 for sex she statistically did not even get off from. From what I understand from PPD higher body counts are negative for women.

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LoFiPanda14 · 2023-11-02T14:09:44+00:00

In this economy they’re made for the rich.

Nellylocheadbean · 2023-11-02T18:27:18+00:00

I’ve personally never done it and couldn’t drive myself to use someone, it just feels wrong. I don’t knock other women for doing it tho since ppl are gonna do what they want anyway.

Women only feel justified to do it because men were usually the ones to use woman. Now since women In general have the upper hand in dating in the beginning stages, they’re gonna use it to their advantage.

I do believe social media definitely encourages this behavior. You see all over Tik Tok and IG men taking women on these lavish dates and women having a roster of men for different reasons (Food, Money, Emotional Support etc).

CryptoThroway8205 · 2023-11-02T23:08:52+00:00

I won't ever know if someone's using me for food unless they order a ton. But those are usually scammers. Screw scammers.

Den_the_God-King · 2023-11-03T00:28:23+00:00

Why is dark triad used instead dark tetrad which also incorporates saddism?

basedmama21 · 2023-11-03T14:56:26+00:00

I f*cking hate this and I blame women for their broke-ass selves and putting men through this. It will never be okay. This is DUSTY behavior.

Icy-Sprinkles-638 · 2023-11-03T18:18:08+00:00

Well it's why anything more expensive than a coffee is off-limits for early dates. Besides, I'm an active person. I want her to be active, too. So if she rejects my offer of an active date and tries to pivot to a free meal she's just disqualified herself and thus played herself.

Title	[Q4All]What are your thoughts on “Foodie Calls”?
Author	MasterTeacher123
Upvotes	18
Comments	207
Date	November 2, 2023 1:56 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/17m41dw/q4allwhat_are_your_thoughts_on_foodie_calls/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/q4allwhat-are-your-thoughts-on-foodie-calls.1237106 https://theredarchive.com/post/1237106

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