Why are women so keen on having male friends

MiddleZealousideal89 · 2024-03-20T06:03:05+00:00

Most of my male friends are either married or have girlfriends. We've known each other for years, and even if they had anything for me at some point, we like each other as people and we like talking and hanging out. Just because some dudes don't see any value in us other than our hoo-has, doesn't mean every guy thinks like that.

MistyMaisel · 2024-03-20T14:50:15+00:00

They tend to be in my communities. We tend to share things in common. We tend to enjoy each other's company. Sometimes or even often they're attached to women I'm also friends with and it's fun to be friends with couples/ people who are important to someone that is important to you.

And, most of these men do just want to be my friend. I realize to someone that doesn't see women as more than sexual beings I'm telling you the sky is green, but, I promise you, the sky is green where I am and they are.

Many of these relationships take the form of a big sister/little brother or little sister/big brother or sibling relationship. I think men like yourself greatly underrate how many men enjoy either having a little sister figure to dote upon, take places, protect, and enjoy whimsical outings and bratty interactions with. I think you equally underrate how many men enjoy having a wise big sister figure who nurtures them, takes them places, protects them, and enjoys whimsical outings with them.

I think many men confuse a vague and very light attraction with a dude who wants to be with a woman. His ability to recognize and appreciate her in a sexual dimension is rarely the same as him actually wanting sex or a relationship with her. He's not confusing that. He's also not ignoring it. He's just letting it be because we're more than our animal instincts or vague feelings. We are who we choose to be, and he's choosing to value the friendship and wait for the feelings to dissipate which they almost always do if you aren't pining and feeding them.

My best friend of the last decade is a man. It is wonderful. We're very similar people who understand each other very well and have seen each other at our least lovable and still loved each other. We've seen each other through deaths in the family, mental illness diagnosis, physical illness diagnosis, break ups, relationship highs and lows, educational highs and lows, and always had each other's backs and been there to tell the other they're fucking up. That's a precious thing and it's a hard and rare to find thing in this life. And I'm sorry for anyone who doesn't find that because they're too focused on the genitals of the other person or who throws it away because of a fleeting feeling in those genitals.

buckeyetree · 2024-03-20T09:36:46+00:00

I am a simple woman. I see a person I like, I befriend them.

AnonPinkLady · 2024-03-20T09:27:41+00:00

Because they’re people

AngeCruelle · 2024-03-20T04:53:01+00:00

Assuming you're a normal sociable person you kind of have to go out of your way to not be friends with a demographic that makes up 50% of your population.

That said, I don't get how men and women end up in these weird pseudo-romantic friendships with nonexistent boundaries described on Reddit.

Excellent_Badger123 · 2024-03-20T14:05:31+00:00

I’m keen on it because it’s sort of essential. I grew up with male cousins. I worked in a largely male environment. I now live in passport bro land as a retiree. I’ve always had platonic male friendships that were genuine.

I actually like friendships with men & I’m old enough now that they don’t really like me back just for the possibility of sex. When I was younger I learned to respectfully deal with my male friends catching feelings for me that weren’t reciprocated.

Makuta_Servaela · 2024-03-20T13:47:48+00:00

I grew up with brothers, so most of my childhood friends were their friends. In general I just know how to hang around guys more.

For other women, though, I would assume it's just because that's just part of being in a social group. You're going to end up socializing. It's really hard to avoid men in day-to-day life.

Suspicious_Glove7365 · 2024-03-20T04:44:37+00:00

You must think really lowly of men to believe that half the population doesn’t want to be friends with them.

Sharp_Engineering379 · 2024-03-20T13:59:15+00:00

Because I share hobbies and interests with those people, and most men aren't interested in pursing women who aren't enthusiastically romantically or sexually interested in them.

Most men have sisters or mothers or aunts or cousins or neighbors or childhood friends who are female and most grow up playing and working with mixed groups both in school projects and jobs.

sees you in a way you don’t see him.

As an adult, I'm only friends with adults who are entirely responsible for their romantic or sexual feelings, as am I.

AFuzzyMuffin · 2024-03-20T15:43:28+00:00

I’m no longer keen on it. My closest guy friend of years was fully just trying to fuck me the whole time.

All of my existing guy friends (the ones that survived the purge) are queer, engaged, or I work/collab with them professionally a lot ✌️

Commercial_Tea_8185 · 2024-03-20T16:57:48+00:00

Im a naturally friendly person, and my interests typically put me in spaces where im the only woman. So i figure we can be friends but idk anymore

KikiYuyu · 2024-03-20T06:08:29+00:00

why are y’all so keen or having friend that you know deep down doesn’t actually want to be friends

I don't make friends with weak bitches. My male friends want to be friends with me.

Novadina · 2024-03-20T04:48:47+00:00

I like friends. I don’t really care what their genitals are, it doesn’t affect me in any way. Why are you not keen on having friends?? That sounds weirder than liking friends, to me.

You have some major assumptions that male friends “don’t actually want to be friends”. I’ve had some for more than 20 years, if they didn’t want to be friends with me, why are they…?

SuperPutin54 · 2024-03-20T18:35:34+00:00

I work in a male dominated field and have hobbies that are also male dominated. If I refused to have male friends, I would have almost none.

Also, if I think a person is cool, I become friends with them. I've never had an issue with a friend of the opposite sex having a "thing" for me. If they did, they were smart enough to keep it themselves. Hell, I'm going to be a groomswoman in my best friends wedding next year. His fiancee, whom I am also friends with, is totally ok with it. In fact, they fought over who's wedding party I'd be in.

Safinated · 2024-03-20T14:14:05+00:00

It’s nice to be treated non-sexually

And you don’t have to be close friends

It’s normal to socialize with all genders, since we don’t live in a segregated, compartmentalized society

Nellylocheadbean · 2024-03-20T12:57:35+00:00

I mean men are ppl and women are very social. It doesn’t matter if you’re a man or woman, if we click then we see a potential friendship.

But if that bothers men, women would happily only interact with men when they need something done. After friendship, that’s the next category, making women’s life easier & how useful you are.

gothfrootloop · 2024-03-20T19:51:03+00:00

Most of my female friends are not aware that men will also view them as a woman first, and a friend second. Because most women will view a male friend as a friend first, and a man second. They can’t comprehend that they will never be removed from their sexuality in a man’s eyes. Call it ignorance or naivety, they just aren’t aware. And honestly, I wish I could go back to the days before I was made aware of this. It’s ruined male companionship for me, fueled misandrist thinking, and overall has jaded me.

fiftypoundpuppy · 2024-03-20T04:15:31+00:00

And my question is why are y’all so keen or having friend that you know deep down doesn’t actually want to be friends and sees you in a way you don’t see him.

"When did you stop beating your wife?" Talk about a bad-faith post 🙄

That's not how any of this works.

But to answer your leading question, probably because it's not our responsibility to decide for him that we can't be friends? Like if I have a friend, then he's my friend. Generally people like to keep their friends. How is that not obvious?

ConanTheCybrarian · 2024-03-20T04:33:48+00:00

Why are women so keen on having male friends

Because they are people and when people are interesting, fun, clever, etc. I want to be friends with them.

Do men not want to be friends with other humans?

And my question is why are y’all so keen or having friend that you know deep down doesn’t actually want to be friends and sees you in a way you don’t see him.

We don't know that.

If someone is our friend, we assume they want to be our friend.

Not all men lack self-control and are so horny that they have to sexualize every woman they see.

EulenWatcher · 2024-03-20T05:21:31+00:00

I've heard this sentiment both from men and women, but I just disagree with it. People can have motivation to hang out and spend time together that isn't about romance or sex even when they're different genders. Also even if a guy wouldn't refuse from having sex with his friend, it doesn't mean it's his only/main motivation. Lots of men wouldn't refuse from having sex with any willing woman let alone a woman they've known for ages and are (platonically) fond of, it doesn't mean that men always interact with all women around them with the hidden motive to have sex.

I have some male friends, all are older than I am and have been married for years now, I'm pretty sure they don't view me as a sexual object. They've never done anything for me to think this way. I'm 100% sure that if I offered to have sex with them, they'd refuse and most likely cut me out because we're all married and family-oriented.

januaryphilosopher · 2024-03-20T06:33:04+00:00

Most of the time these crushes are secrets and nobody has a magical sensor to know about it "deep down". It can be quite a shock. And most people simply aren't attracted to all their friends and don't pick friends on the basis of wanting to date them, or, conversely, pick friends on the basis that they think it's impossible for a crush to develop. Ruling out 55% of the population (because this includes some women) to be friends with on the basis that a specific awkward situation might happen, ignoring that they can make as good friends as anyone else and a friendship could become awkward for all kinds of reasons, is quite extreme. Especially as most men aren't the type to lie and lead someone on that they want to be friends when they only want to date. Many perfectly normal friendships between men and women even if some that have had this happen stand out to you. Never happened to me and I have mostly male friends.

MotherPermit9585 · 2024-03-20T15:57:03+00:00

Is this actually a thing in real life? I feel like it’s portrayed in media a lot but I don’t really see it in my own life or that of my female friends. Maybe it’s more prevalent in younger crowds.

I personally prefer to have female friends and generally get along better with women. The only close platonic male friend I have is with a gay man. I have professional/collegial friendships with men but those are very superficial and I wouldn’t confide anything in them or hang out with them one on one except maybe for coffee or something small/insignificant. I’m also ENM though so I do have some close male friends with benefits that I do confide in and rely on. When I was monogamous though, all of my close friendships were with women and gay men.

Hellarouge · 2024-03-20T15:52:23+00:00

That must be why gay men are never friends with shit tonnes of lesbians.

What a silly debate.

TheAvocadoSlayer · 2024-03-20T16:59:19+00:00

I don't think people realize how much having a penis effects a man's brain. That's why post-nut clarity is a thing.

The reason you hear "men and women can't be friends" more from men, is because there are more men who uninterested in being friends with the opposite sex, or staying in the friendzone after being rejected, than women. I've heard of women who have had crushes on their guy friends for years, but have never said a single word, but despite that, they've remained friends. Not saying there aren't men who are like that too. But men are just less interested, because penis.

If a man makes it obvious he doesn't want to be friends, I'm not going to beg him for it.

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Flightlessbirbz · 2024-03-20T21:11:57+00:00

These days, my only male friends are gay men and couple friends, and I prefer to keep it that way for this very reason.

Why do a lot of women, especially younger women, want to have straight male friends? Because they view men as more equals and “just another person” than men tend to view women, and still believe men and women can just be friends. Which they sometimes can, but to me, it’s just not worth the risk of things getting complicated anymore. Some women also have the “not like other girls” attitude, maybe they think women are “too much drama,” or are just tomboys. Internalized misogyny is a thing, and most girls do go through an NLOG phase at some point. I’ve learned that women can be great friends, they’re just people, and some people are better friends than others.

apresonly · 2024-03-20T19:39:26+00:00

I am not keen on having (straight) male friends. i'd rather not.

Title	Why are women so keen on having male friends
Author	Low-Magazine-3705
Upvotes	56
Comments	332
Date	March 20, 2024 3:57 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1bj4kge/why_are_women_so_keen_on_having_male_friends/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/why-are-women-so-keen-on-having-male-friends.1428566 https://theredarchive.com/post/1428566

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