CMV: Young people in general just don't want commitment, male or female, beautiful or ugly

CHIN000K · 2024-04-30T16:04:40+00:00

A lot of the genz guys who would be interested in committing are just isolated. Life doesn't naturally force you into intermingling like it used to. Guys will work, go home, goon on discord. The most successful committed relationships I've seen usually come out of friend groups, which guys have less of now.

I've just given up.

MistyMaisel · 2024-04-30T16:01:30+00:00

I think everyone wants to be a gangsta, until it's time to do gangster shit. And the same is true of commitment. Everyone wants this love of their life, you had me at hello thing...until it's in their face and they're looking at the person like, "not with you". And sometimes the not with you is for really obvious good reasons, sometimes, it's for not so obvious good reasons that are felt at a gut level, and sometimes it's for really really petty reasons motivated by bad decision-making or short-term thinking.

But I think if we focus on "People just don't want to commit", we're missing the gangsta shit.

Diamond_Claws · 2024-04-30T17:22:02+00:00

I find it interesting that the title here says “male or female” but the post is 100% a complaint about men not “doing what women want”, in particular men who are not interested in long term commitment.

Say it with me now: It’s just as okay for men to not be interested in commitment, regardless of age, as it is for women to not be interested in commitment, regardless of age.

If a woman is too busy “girlbossing” or “living her best life” or enjoying her youth dating around that’s perfectly fine. Her choice. Anyone who approaches a young (let’s say less than 26) woman and tells her she should “settle down and get serious about commitment” generally gets run out of town on a rail. Which is fine, her body her life her choice.

So when men do it too, maybe don’t complain? And if a woman wants to approach a man wanting him to commit to marriage, children, a likely difficult career that will be hard on his body and mind, a mortgage, etc… perhaps she should bring something more to the table than “Hi I’m a woman and I’m willing to be with you.”

That’s not the currency it used to be.

superlurkage · 2024-04-30T17:56:06+00:00

Just another example of some people trying to get other people to do things for them

I mean, they can try, but no one should buy their bs

anna_alabama · 2024-04-30T17:55:44+00:00

I think it depends on where you live. I’m gen z too, and my friends back home in the northeast US who want commitment can’t find guys who are serious about marriage. No one wants to settle down until their 30’s there. On the flip side, I went to college in the south and graduating with a ring on your finger is pretty much the norm. I met my husband at 18, got engaged at 21, and married at 23 and that was normal. There wasn’t a shortage of guys who were looking for that timeline too.

raldabos · 2024-04-30T17:29:08+00:00

Na, my money is in social skills being destroyed slowly, men being more affected in the short term.

Tight_Lawfulness3206 · 2024-04-30T19:34:15+00:00

My generation (millenial) and gen X failed at making our kids socialise because its easier to plonk them infront of a screen and placate them.

Extroverts are having the time of their lives, there's an abundance of parties and activities to fill up their time with where they can meet other people and hook up/ date.

Neurodivergent kids and introverts get left behind. Their parents never encouraged them to go out and they fiales at learning social skills.

This can me mitigated or course, they just have to put a lot of effort in.

envious1998 · 2024-04-30T16:42:43+00:00

So you swiped on the hot frat boys and now think all men are like that because the top 10% are. That’s craaaazy bro.

HolidayWhile · 2024-04-30T15:46:46+00:00

I've noticed immediately, years ago when I briefly signed up for a dating app, there was not even a smidge of commitment-oriented material on these men's profiles.

Gen Z, our generation, does not date outside apps, which is why you made no mention of finding men anywhere else. And this is the reason things are so bad. I for one have had it drilled into me for years that women in public (on the rare occasion that I even see one in redneck town) are out and about to take care of business, they aren't interested in what I have to say, if I use the wrong tone of voice it might be harassment.

Men like me who have never wanted anything but commitment are out there, but we've been trained that it's dangerous to pursue it. (I got no clue what such women are doing because I haven't met one in years.) The remaining men are commitment free fuckboys who get on apps because they see results from it. The internet isn't real life, but for gen Z, it's all we have. Expect birth rates to reach 0.

DarayRaven · 2024-04-30T15:33:25+00:00

I think most young people do want a committed relationships but the problem is we think marriage is the only way to do that

I've always asked myself, why can't people just have a relationship without the paper work aka marriage because there's no difference other than the fact your assets are now her's and vice-versa

Why do people always have to formalize monogamy ?

uh-wat13 · 2024-04-30T19:01:17+00:00

but i am a medium ugly man in my 20s who wants a life long companionship 👉👈🥺

FreitasAlan · 2024-04-30T21:29:14+00:00

What about the men who don’t want kids?

Don’t date these men if you want kids.

KentuckyCriedFlickin · 2024-04-30T21:46:34+00:00

As a fellow Gen Zer, I am inclined to agree. The cost of living is expensive and being expected to be a provider results in having your shit together a lot later than other generations. Plus, the cultural shift of gender roles and the uncertainty of new norms is also going to play a role into that.

With divorce rates being 50% and those numbers being higher in younger relationships, I think a lot of people who have thought about that may be more discouraged.

Plus, younger dudes pretty much want an extended childhood once they are 18 until they mature much later on.

ThrowawayHomesch · 2024-05-01T00:12:18+00:00

A lot of female friends of mine struggled to find a man that would commit, because despite lowering their standards so low that they got treated very poorly in the relationship or was paying off the guy's debt/cleaning his room, he still wouldn't put a ring on their finger. Or would lie he wanted commitment and then move onto the next girl to split rent with in this expensive housing market.

Standards has nothing to do with those things you mentioned. How tall were those guys? How ugly were they? What was their race in relation to her own? You claim the women in question "lowered their standards to the point of..." but somehow despite lowering their standards, the guy was somehow able to find some other girl to move on with? If their standards were truly low, the guy they were in a relationship with would have no other options like the other bottom 30-40% of men.

Neptune-Jnr · 2024-05-01T02:10:07+00:00

The men that want commitment aren't getting far enough to ask for it. The guys you swiped left on some of them want commitment

Junior_Ad_3086 · 2024-05-01T04:16:33+00:00

men are not on the same clock that women are so maybe consider dating guys a few years older. i'm not talking about guys who are your dad's age but a lot more men in their early 30s have their shit together, know what they want and are ready to commit to somebody and build a life together.

Independent-Mail-227 · 2024-04-30T17:13:20+00:00

my generation, is having some of the least casual relations of any generation.

Rates of clamydia have been rising non stop each year if we ignore pandemic numbers, so it's very unlikely that this is true. Even more if we consider the rates per age.

years ago when I briefly signed up for a dating app, there was not even a smidge of commitment-oriented material on these men's profiles

Women see 80% of men as bellow avereage, the guys you're going for in those apps are guys with options that will not offer commitment because they don't need to.

A lot of young men, don't want marriage or kids.

You can have commitment without the scam that is marriage and the liability that are kids.

A lot of female friends of mine struggled to find a man that would commit, because despite lowering their standards so low that they got treated very poorly in the relationship or was paying off the guy's debt/cleaning his room, he still wouldn't put a ring on their finger.

Again, women see 80% of men as bellow average. What your friends wanted is a top 1% and they "lowered their standards" for a 10% guy that have a rooster of girls to choose from; the "got treated very poorly in the relationship or was paying off the guy's debt/cleaning his room" just shows how the guy is basically out of her league.

I see a lot of comments saying there's the majority of men who are sweet lonely guys who want a wife and kids. And that women turn them down for unrealistic standards. But that's not even remotely close to what I am seeing.

It's because those men are invisible, you don't see them, they don't register on your mind, you don't treat them like men.

princedune · 2024-04-30T22:54:58+00:00

There's tons of guys looking for relationships on the apps. But you won't find them if you are only swiping right on the same guys all the other women are swiping right on.

CraftyCooler · 2024-04-30T15:44:30+00:00

My wife has a lot of colleagues aged 22-26, and based on her observations - girls who have boyfriends are usually aiming and getting the guys who are both handsome and their profession is being a son of a wealthy dad. I thought that she is fucking with me - but I've seen with my own eyes that guys are picking their girls up from university classes with AMG, Porsche, BMW M-series. So yeah - probably commitment is still sought after, but guy have to meet really inflated standards. Average guys have not much to look for on dating market - unless they are willing to go for weird girls, but there they have to deal with feminism, man hating, weird looks, weird sexuality.

Sharp_Engineering379 · 2024-04-30T15:35:56+00:00

I'm a "young person" with young peers and coworkers and this isn't true. Most of my friends and acquaintances are in committed relationships, a few are married and starting families and none of us are conservative or traditional.

OLD is the lowest effort anyone can put into dating, and since it's anonymous, users have nothing to lose by asking for whatever they want. The user base does not represent how people of any demographic actually behave.

MisterFunnyShoes · 2024-04-30T15:36:47+00:00

The juice isn’t worth the squeeze

NoCryptographer2572 · 2024-05-01T10:33:17+00:00

Based on my personal experience, I believe it’s a dichotomy. Most of us GenZ guys have been divided into 2 segment based on how we perceive the way girls judge would judge us.

A lot of guys who were unsuccessful with finding partners due to variety of reason, now spend most of their time out of social venues & stay within online space reducing the interaction and further chances of paring up

I used to within same mindset some 6-7 years back, staying at home my entire teen life. This was a period I was ready to commit at drop of the hat.

But as I began to look better over the years, I became more social and outgoing. Now I find any kind of commitment to suffocating as I can be with a lot more people easily now. Tbf, why would any girl/guy put in more effort, if they are getting whatever they want in a casual, non committal way

boom-wham-slam · 2024-05-01T14:57:26+00:00

Nobody wants commitment because there is nobody worth committing to.

Almost every segment can "get" another segment of person but that segment does not want them or just tolerates them.

This goes down the chain. Top men want what they define as Top women. They don't exist. Top men slum it with mediocre women but less commitment. Mediocre women either beg for Top men without commitment or slum it with mediocre men offering them bad behavior. Mediocre men want mediocre women with good behavior. They can't get that so they take mediocre women with bad behavior or low quality women and won't commit to low quality women. Low quality women want mediocre men who commit but they don't. Or they just abuse low quality men.... get them to pay for stuff, treat them like trash etc. Low quality men want literally any woman who will be nice to them. They can't get it. So they just get mad.

The whole entire cycle starts with the top men and Top women. Anything that happens up there carries down the line either improving relations among the groups or worsens it.

It's not about "nobody wants commitment" it's that nobody wants commitment to someone out of their league. For me, I get women who legit tell me they want me for marriage and kids. Shit by next week I could have 5+ women willingly let me impregnate them. Just none of them are really imo high quality. Other men find them high quality, I don't. Imo there are so few women available I'd consider on my level it's almost impossible to assume ill actually get to meet them and find one to date. So instead of me being off market, all the next tier men have to either choose to commit to the women chasing me who won't truly be into them (beta bux), or go down a peg (example 6 man dating a 3). But they don't want to commit to a peg down just like I don't want to commit to a peg down. Who would? And thus the cycle continues.

So no I don't think people don't want to commit. I think people don't want to commit to people below their league and that's all people generally have available to them.

spanglesandbambi · 2024-04-30T16:10:25+00:00

You're moaning because people younger than 30 don't want to get married?

This isn't a generation Z problem. This is ongoing. We know the over 30s are the age band most likely to get married/ be living with a partner they aren't GenZ yet, so it's not them, is it.

Also, you said they aren't having sex. Where does that view come from?

Remote_Panic_3271 · 2024-04-30T16:55:43+00:00

I think a lot of young men will commit the first opportunity they get with a girl that likes them and wants to date

serpensmercurialis · 2024-04-30T16:38:15+00:00

I've noticed immediately, years ago when I briefly signed up for a dating app, there was not even a smidge of commitment-oriented material on these men's profiles. The only messages I got were asking for hookups. I saw on all the profiles, there was no material related to being a future husband and father. It was pictures of these guys drinking shots at a party, or smoking marijuana.

Most apps match you based on what is in your profile, your distance away from them, and your selected characteristics. If you are on a college campus, don't select for people who want LTRs, select like 20-24, and don't select for people don't do drugs, guess what you are going to get?

A lot of young men, don't want marriage or kids.

Right now? No. Tell me how your average 24-year-old dude is supposed to afford a wedding, wife, house, and child any time soon. If they have to wait anyway, they may as well have fun at the age most people are single.

A lot of female friends of mine struggled to find a man that would commit, because despite lowering their standards so low that they got treated very poorly in the relationship or was paying off the guy's debt/cleaning his room, he still wouldn't put a ring on their finger. Or would lie he wanted commitment and then move onto the next girl to split rent with in this expensive housing market.

"Lowering your standards" is not going to secure commitment from a man who doesn't want to. Nor paying a guy's debt, nor cleaning his room. Commitment is a CHOICE that you can't create transactionally like that. Most young couples don't stay together. Know this, plan for it.

I see a lot of comments saying there's the majority of men who are sweet lonely guys who want a wife and kids. And that women turn them down for unrealistic standards. But that's not even remotely close to what I am seeing.

A lot of the dudes here are older than your likely demographic.

And then there's the part on whether these alleged commitment-oriented men would really help with the screaming newborn and be able to stay in the marriage without dipping.With how depressed gen Z is, I don't know about all this.

Welcome to why it's better to settle down closer to 30 than 25.

No-Search6744 · 2024-04-30T15:34:37+00:00

Commitment was for a time when old age is around the 40s and being accused of being a bastard child could bar you from a town government position. Shits been getting phased out since the 1920s for good reason.

LifeQuail9821 · 2024-05-01T02:19:34+00:00

I’ve been ready to marry since the day I was 18, and have never gotten a peep of attention. I don’t know where women like you hide, but until guys like me find out you’ll just have to lump it.

Front_Cell9037 · 2024-05-01T11:40:03+00:00

Guys mostly don't want commitment anymore because it's dangerous and a bad deal. Exactly the same reasons why women want it are the same reasons men don't. Put bluntly, guys know women can turn off the sex and the lovey-dovey stuff anytime they want with no consequences, so it gains the man nothing and just puts a target on his back. Even guys who literally won't get laid without commitment will increasingly avoid women entirely as an alternative to getting involved in an LTR anymore. The reasons for this legal and social have been exhaustively repeated, you already know what they are without me mentioning them, and so you don't need me to.

TheDuellist100 · 2024-04-30T15:57:01+00:00

Because they know it's a shit investment. No other reason.

/thread

TopEntertainment4781 · 2024-04-30T18:23:27+00:00

Yah this idea that men really want all these kids but women are refusing is pretty laughable. I’ve seen no evidence to indicate that MEN are pushing for kids.

Choice-Substance-183 · 2024-04-30T15:24:46+00:00

How old are these people you're referring to?

A massive part of Gen Z isn't having sex at all.

I'd imagine a pandemic impacted this.

Vlad_The_Great_2 · 2024-04-30T19:35:33+00:00

In my experience, most guys will stick with the first woman that’s nice to him that he finds attractive. Of course there are more standards, but these are the main two criteria.

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pieperson5571 · 2024-05-01T09:59:27+00:00

Marriage is an obsolete patriarchal system and should be abolished.

volleyballbeach · 2024-05-01T16:12:24+00:00

Plenty of young people value relationships/get married. This is very individual

apresonly · 2024-05-02T21:20:37+00:00

A lot of young men, don't want marriage or kids. It's exclusively blamed on "evil corporate girlboss cat ladies" but what about the men who don't want kids?

they're smart

if they line up their actions w their values (vasectomies) then they should be applauded. we don't need to bring more kids into this world.

ilikecats18851 · 2024-05-04T20:45:43+00:00

It's not a "le both sides are affected" thing. Women have leverage to secure a committed man if they want to, all they have to do is date down. But that will never happen. This idea that men are "scared of commitment" is a sick joke. Either men have legitimate reasons to not commit, (they do, divorce court) or they don't have to commit because the woman is fucking him already.

BlueParsec · 2024-04-30T19:40:38+00:00

"The only messages I got were asking for hookups. I saw on all the profiles, there was no material related to being a future husband and father."

This means those men are not interested in commitment with you because they have way better options, sorry to say. How do I know? I do the same thing because I've been on and off with a girl that I was willing to commit to and who has been seeking to get married while trying to work out some issues I had with her (her financial skills are horrible) and 98% of profiles on dating apps aren't a better deal.

Thatshygurl · 2024-04-30T23:00:19+00:00

Honestly sounds like a you problem, no offense.

Title	CMV: Young people in general just don't want commitment, male or female, beautiful or ugly
Author	Tight_Lawfulness3206
Upvotes	29
Comments	191
Date	April 30, 2024 3:21 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1cgvhxb/cmv_young_people_in_general_just_dont_want/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/cmv-young-people-in-general-just-dont-want.1516919 https://theredarchive.com/post/1516919

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