You struggle with dating because you live in a large city

MikeArrow · 2024-05-12T14:16:36+00:00

You struggle with dating because your dates are low quality.

I struggle with dating because my dates are nonexistent.

ta06012022 · 2024-05-12T14:58:04+00:00

My experience has been the complete opposite. I live in NYC and get plenty of attractive matches, but haven't had good experiences in small cities. I'm fairly picky and swipe right maybe 5-10% on tinder, but I still never seem to run out of options at home. I used tinder in a town of around 100k and ran out of women to swipe on before I even used all my likes for the day.

I've also used apps in a few mid-size cities (1-2M) and the volume of attractive women is nothing like it is at home.

Raii-v2 · 2024-05-12T16:38:33+00:00

I struggle with dating cause I’m a short ugly incel

TRTGymBro1 · 2024-05-12T14:38:02+00:00

lol. Bro I lived in the Midwest and traveled all around the region. I could go for weeks before I'd see a hot girl, which for me is not a daily but an hourly occurrence here in NYC.

Eastoss · 2024-05-12T15:56:40+00:00

I thought big cities were notoriously lacking young men.

outhinking · 2024-05-12T15:23:29+00:00

I agree with this, there's way too much competition in large city (Paris for my case) than in areas where you're the sole option.

NockerJoe · 2024-05-12T15:48:49+00:00

I think a lot of it is there's a certain class of woman trying to larp as a character on Sex and the City and they absolutely do not want a man that doesn't fit into that fantasy.

I live in Vancouver, which isn't as big as Toronto, but its a port city with a handful of fashion brands and is developed enough you see people larping as if they lived in NYC semi frequently. But it doesn't have New Yorks financial network and not a lot of big companies have big offices here. So for the entire time I've been an adult I've had to see magazine articles about trendy downtown city girls who complain they can't find the man they want because that guy doesn't exist here outside of maybe a few real estate people who are probably seeing other real estate people.

You basically do not find these women outside of downtown and dating is way easier if you filter them out. If I go to a city smaller than this they basically don't exist.

leosandlattes · 2024-05-12T14:33:53+00:00

Hmm…. There is not much to debate here. Generally it’s understood that smaller dating pools increase your chance of getting a higher quality partner. Big shark in a small pool and all that.

However this advice only works if you’re “not ugly” - if you are average or more this advice is just fine. If you are ugly then you’ll have to geomaxx in Southeast Asia or something. Lol.

KayRay1994 · 2024-05-12T15:06:59+00:00

I think it straight up depends on a ton of factors such as how you react to stimuli vs the person you are vs the kind of people you’re into.

I’m moving out of Toronto and i’m really excited for dating in a much smaller city (we’re talking a population less than 100k). Sure, there will be less options, but these options are also more likely to have shared interests and fit my own personal set of values. Thus making it an overall better dating market even if there will be less options

I find that in the big city i’m constantly overstimulated (ergo effecting my mood and probably how I come off to strangers - its no accident that the most pleasant experiences i’ve had talking to people were on hikes or in small towns), it feels like a battle just getting through the transit or busy streets and the overwhelming amount of options and overall trial and error can be exhausting. I have no problem getting dates, but I do have a problem maintained interest after a date. This is largely because I have to sift through so many options just to find someone I might find interesting, and by the time I do, i’m socially exhausted and feel like tapping out.

So it could be you, or your location - or both. I think to answer this kind of question you should ask yourself what setting fits you best, cause honesty? if you’re a full on urbanite you’ll have an even worse time dating in smaller towns and cities.

Immediate-Society222 · 2024-05-12T14:54:16+00:00

Smaller cities are worse.

Ppdebatesomental · 2024-05-12T19:47:21+00:00

Also quality of your dates is gonna be lower in a large city , girls are also gonna be far less attractive

Omg dude, don’t ever visit the rural south. Southern college kids seem especially attractive, the typical southern sorority girl is very attractive, but in my rural area everyone is fat and you will find lots of poor grooming, unfortunate tattoos and bad teeth, even in the under 25 crowd.

holyskillet · 2024-05-12T16:44:20+00:00

I always thought it would be vice versa: in suburbia there is a limited dating pool as most people already settled down and there is not really any hang out spots for local youth. In NYC and LA girls are infinitely more attractive than in smaller cities IMO.

purplish_possum · 2024-05-12T16:59:02+00:00

Places NYC and LA are huge. You need both looks and money at the trendiest clubs but there are clubs in Queens or in the Valley where that isn't required.

ChicoBrillo · 2024-05-12T19:09:42+00:00

Uh ok? If anything that probably reflects your personal demographic and what demographic you attract. How could people from a city be less attractive when there's more people and therefore more chances of meeting people you find attractive?

Not getting your logic at all.

Purple_Kangaroo8549 · 2024-05-12T20:24:43+00:00

Not really, after 30 small towns have a selection of single mothers.

reddit_is_geh · 2024-05-12T17:24:38+00:00

Huh? I've lived in a lot of cities, dates are WAY better. Yeah, you get a lot of serial daters, fence sitters, nothing is good enough types, but you also get all sorts of types in general.

That said, I get WAYYYYYYY better matches and dates in Europe than I do in the USA. Way too many fat chicks, and not enough skinny, makes dating a nightmare.

SoldierExcelsior · 2024-05-12T16:51:09+00:00

I think ethnicity matters to if you're not white good luck but other than that I agree but also people in smaller towns are probably allready coupled up but what effect do you think living in a city has on dating?why does it make it harder I lnoticed this decades ago but still not sure why

Opening_Tell9388 · 2024-05-12T15:28:03+00:00

Women less attractive in large cities? You’re way outta pocket on this one, Duke.

Nah.

Electric_Death_1349 · 2024-05-12T14:56:17+00:00

I live in a small city (population around 362,300) - it’s not my location, it’s definitely me

VWGUYWV · 2024-05-12T17:07:03+00:00

Many Moons ago (is that capitalized in this context?), people did not move away from their place of origin with nearly the frequency that they do know. As such, you knew something about the people that you dated/married. You knew stories of them, the reputation of their families, and they could not be a total nightmare and hide it very easily.

Now, people do something that in historic context is quite odd. As young adults, they move somewhere where they don't know anyone. They want to date, and so they get to know someone that is basically a stranger to them (they know nothing besides what that person decides to reveal and whatever leaks through unintentionally). A person can fake things for quite a while, and so no wonder we are more often "mugged by reality".

This is somewhat separate from how people are more disconnected in larger cities. It is why people in larger cities try to develop a friends group around an interest or even going to the same bar or church. I'm back in my hometown of 15,000 in the main city and probably 25,000 if you count the connected outlying communities. I almost always see someone I know or recognize when I do something like go grocery shopping. It's nice and something that I rarely experienced the last place I lived (city with 250,000 in the city proper and many more if you include the suburbs in name only that are connected by continuous concrete).

Wing_Puzzleheaded · 2024-05-12T17:10:53+00:00

Nope. Mostly just troglodytes in Regina as well...

batmanandspiderman · 2024-05-12T17:20:13+00:00

the idea of people being less attractive in smaller places is hilarious

Spicy_take · 2024-05-12T19:43:55+00:00

Lol try dating living in the middle of nowhere. Never been on a date in my adult life that I had to drive any less than 45 minutes for, and rarely had them.

Cethlinnstooth · 2024-05-12T20:03:15+00:00

A lot of people at all levels of physical appearance live in cities and don't struggle.

Maybe you struggle at dating because you kind of suck at living in a large city.

Myagooshki2 · 2024-05-12T20:53:40+00:00

I thought it was that the larger the dating pool the better chances you'd have because if you mess up with certain people you don't make as much of a dent in your reputation

Flightlessbirbz · 2024-05-12T21:38:39+00:00

I wouldn’t say people in big cities are less attractive, usually it’s small towns where there’s more obesity and fewer attractive people. But I would agree that it’s harder to find serious interest in a sea of options, there’s going to be more “well you’re awesome, but what if there’s someone better right around the corner?” Very small town also suck if you’re single over 25 or don’t fit in very well, since these are tight-knit communities where people tend to pair off early. A mid sized city seems to be best.

obviouslymoose · 2024-05-12T22:20:27+00:00

In NYC we’re still 25 well into our 30s.

Quad-Banned120 · 2024-05-12T22:41:40+00:00

Madness. I live in a large-ish city (Vancouver area, BC) and there are people everywhere. It really just depends on you and what you do. Granted I'm an out in person kind of guy so I can't speak for online dating, but the concept feels like a cop-out.

Your location is definitely a factor when it comes to meeting people but higher populations generally have a larger dating pool.

Steepvice · 2024-05-13T01:45:38+00:00

Dankutoo · 2024-05-13T04:32:31+00:00

It’s not just about big or small. I live in what Americans normally would call a “college town” (or at least the closest British equivalent). So, the city itself is relatively small, but is full of young-ish, interesting, international people.

It can be hard to pin anyone down, however, because people are always coming and going.

YearnsToDestroySun · 2024-05-13T06:30:47+00:00

Idk, it seems like all the hot girls I match with are in Denver vs where I live for me.

Routine-Run-4441 · 2024-05-14T14:05:39+00:00

Basically in cities the top 1% of rockstar guys are banging like half of the attractive women. Cities are hell for guys. I need 6 more years to get my pension...

Ayaka_Simp_ · 2024-05-12T14:58:50+00:00

I live in a large city and I have the complete opposite experience. If anything, I hear people from small towns complain more.

RaidenTheBlue · 2024-05-12T15:39:47+00:00

Feel this hard as an 8/10 6’5” Toronto man. Dating randomly got way harder last year than in any of the previous 5 years

East_Writer_2892 · 2024-05-12T18:05:05+00:00

uh what? No living in a large city is where you should be having a great time dating. Especially if you get off apps since the whole point of being in a city like that is to SOCIALIZE. You spend a night or day roaming around NYC talking to people. If you're a okay looking dude with some charm you'll find a ton of women who'd be down for a date and they won't be low quality options either.

stats135 · 2024-05-12T14:30:37+00:00

Its not you its your location

So... passport bros.

The fault I find is not with the size of the city, but the extent in which the city has been corrupted by feminism and woke politics. Being in a big city in Latin America or SEA is still going to be better than a small city in NY or CA.

kingpinkatya · 2024-05-12T18:00:48+00:00

Whats the correlation between cities and girls being less attractive? Never heard this one before.

Edit: I'd assume the opposite since there is more access to gyms, salons, wellness activities

Hatespanch · 2024-05-12T22:24:30+00:00

girls are also gonna be far less attractive

this is completely wrong lol sexual value and good genetics tend to accumulate itself in rich and big cities, attractive women and men tend to move to rich big cities cause they have options and value while less attractive people tend to find themselves stuck in less rich and less big cities. thats why there's the "new york 10" way of saying

in small cities or towns you can compensate with status and money

in big cities relationships are more fluid and superficial cause people have many options and change faster. they are also more open to ONS.

of course if you are above average in big cities, in small cities you get more matches or better dates, that is literally geomaxxing like having a better dating experience as a middle class american in mexico

AutoModerator · 2024-05-12T14:05:20+00:00

Attention!

You can post off topic/jokes/puns as a comment to this Automoderator message.
For "Debate" and "Question for X" Threads: Parent comments that aren't from the target group will be removed, along with their child replies.
If you want to agree with OP instead of challenging their view or if the question is not targeted at you, post it as an answer to this comment.
OP you can choose your own flair according to these guidelines., just press Flair under your post!

Thanks for your cooperation and enjoy the discussion!

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

CryptoThroway8205 · 2024-05-12T16:12:10+00:00

Probably different for PoC. I imagine Regina and Victoria are a lot less diverse than Toronto and Vancouver.

Average income and education will be lower though so if you're working remotely you can compete there.

RubyDiscus · 2024-05-12T16:19:29+00:00

I mostly struggled with dating because there was way too many and it was hard to talk to so many at once.

And also a lot just wanted sex but were pretending to want dates.

Ultramega39 · 2024-05-12T16:23:30+00:00

Meanwhile I live in a large town in Michigan that's just full of old people.

I'm not looking for another mom or grandmother.

And there is only one public area (besides the churches and synagogues) where you can meet people and it's the library.

purplish_possum · 2024-05-12T16:55:43+00:00

If you're good looking fresh meat in a small town in Saskatchewan there's going to be a feeding frenzy.

FebruaryEightyNine · 2024-05-12T17:31:38+00:00

Meh, I tend to prefer bigger cities. Haven't really struggled anywhere but I definitely felt it was easier to deal with women in big cities as they were more used to men who were mindful about their looks.

I'm arrogant as hell. I tend to find big city women tend to take to it better as they're no stranger to successful dudes with egos.

imaniimellz · 2024-05-12T18:21:09+00:00

that’s a thought

balenciaghoe · 2024-05-12T18:36:35+00:00

I live in New York City. I probably struggle with dating because I don't really put myself out there. I hang out with the same people, rarely go to clubs anymore, I go to work, go home, hang out with friends and it becomes a cycle. I'm only 23 not many guys in my age group have the same goals as me and I prefer men around my age too so I'm just waiting for "the one" I want a long term relationship too not just a short term and hookups. I know I'm attractive and I get approached many times but I am picky too which plays a part so I find myself rejecting them most times. I also don't know their intentions off the bat so I get skeptical. Last time a guy approached me that was handsome was on my way to work, we exchanged information and then he asked if I was into hooking up the first time we talked on the phone and I immediately blocked him lol. Its just hard out here but I'm not desperate either.

AdEffective7894s · 2024-05-12T20:02:29+00:00

Next week we will talk about how we struggle in dating because you live in a small town.

Scarce12 · 2024-05-12T21:06:01+00:00

Somehow, I think salary would explain the differences in experience that guys are reporting between big cities and small cities.

iAloneChosen · 2024-05-12T22:22:00+00:00

I struggle with dating because I am average, non-white, and I live in the US

OtPayOkerSmay · 2024-05-13T04:13:25+00:00

Most of the women I meet that I would date are already spoken for, so I don't pursue often. Many women need to understand that spending some time single isn't a bad thing, and no respectable guy would commit to a woman that is steal-able in the first place.

Siukslinis_acc · 2024-05-13T06:11:42+00:00

In a way. If you don't go to places that you actually enjoy, but places that you don't enjoy, but have a lot of people - you won't find people with whom you "click".

Like, if you hate getting drunk, why are you going to a bar where all the people are getting drunk? Why not go to a place/activity where people don't get drunk and manage to have fun without alcohol?

Or like you hate taylor swift, but go to their concert as there are a lot of girls there and if you find a girl there you will have to listen to taylor swift (wheter the music or conversations/monologues about her) whenever you are with her.

IneffableLiam · 2024-05-13T08:40:41+00:00

I do better in bigger cities in Asia

Alfred-Adler · 2024-05-13T21:16:09+00:00

I moved from a 25,000 town to a 5+ million city: a lot more possibilities in the large city.

Whether we like it or not, greater quantity leads to greater quality.

jpla86 · 2024-05-13T23:12:19+00:00

I struggle with dating because I don’t have the looks that are required to date. Oh, and being part of a race that largely isn’t desirable outside of entertainment and being fetishized doesn’t help either.

SteveSan82 · 2024-05-15T05:41:59+00:00

I get dates very easily. But I learned game years ago.

whydogirlshateme · 2024-05-16T06:19:45+00:00

Lol, sucks for me then. I've lived in big and small cities and have gotten no matches anywhere.

MongoBobalossus · 2024-05-12T14:29:49+00:00

It depends. If you’re not having success in one area and have the ability to date in another, why not try it? I went on a slight dry spell in Virginia and moved to California and snapped it the first weekend I was there. So maybe there is some truth to the “location matters” idea.

Nellylocheadbean · 2024-05-12T15:17:29+00:00

I think large cities are good for ppl who aren’t white. It can be harder in smaller cities for poc.

thedarkracer · 2024-05-12T15:48:28+00:00

I struggle with dating bcz of sex consegration in my society.

blueboymad · 2024-05-12T17:37:33+00:00

This is false. Certain cities depend on whether there’s more men or women.

But dating in small towns isn’t easier. There’s less people and local communities can be more solidified

Choice-Substance-183 · 2024-05-12T15:10:29+00:00

It's definitely you (general you).

I've always lived in large cities and never had pointless dates.

If someone is struggling with dating, it's them. Their location might be second.

krayon_kylie · 2024-05-12T15:00:29+00:00

living in a big city makes it super easy to get laid

especially toronto, we're all freaks here

Title	You struggle with dating because you live in a large city
Author	over4m3
Upvotes	31
Comments	198
Date	May 12, 2024 2:05 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1cq8mal/you_struggle_with_dating_because_you_live_in_a/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/you-struggle-with-dating-because-you-live-in-a.1518311 https://theredarchive.com/post/1518311

Comments