Women should not have to threaten to break up to get her boyfriend/husband to care about what she says.

HappyCat79 · 2024-12-05T00:30:12+00:00

I’m at a stage in my life where I won’t beg or threaten or anything. I wouldn’t be with my boyfriend if he didn’t care about what I said. It’s as simple as that.

Mauf066 · 2024-12-05T07:56:10+00:00

Not having your needs listened to and taken seriously is hardly a universally female experience.

JollyRoger66689 · 2024-12-05T01:07:39+00:00

And just remember if you find yourself to be in this situation in all of your relationships..... the problem might be yourself

delusional-gf · 2024-12-05T08:37:09+00:00

Men crave respect above all else- including love. Couples in this situation stereotypically end up like this:

Woman: Hey can you put your dishes in the dishwasher

Woman: Hey can you not leave your clothes on the floor all over the house

Woman: Hey can you clean the bathroom

Men often see these kinds of asks (usually repeated asks) as nagging- like a mom getting on you about your chores. But for women, this is seen as communicating- trying to find a way to cohabitate long term. But over time of saying the same things and asking the same questions and the guy never just looking around to see what needs to be done around the house, the resentment builds. Men will start losing respect for the woman for treating them like a child. Women will start to lose respect for the man for having to treat him like a child.

When you have little to no respect for someone, their requests are much easier to wave off as unimportant. That is, until one party (in this case the woman) says she’s going to leave. And that’s where the whole “I was blindsided by the divorce” come into effect.

But yes, pls just listen to your partner the first time they bring up a concern. Stop brushing them off. Grow up & take initiative and stop asking your wife-manager for a to do list.

Throwaway26702008 · 2024-12-05T01:22:22+00:00

Every single comment is just not debating OP? Do we just not care how the sub works or what?

As for your post, although yes this is partly true, it goes both ways, women who threaten to break up over everything are being emotionally abusive and it’s a form of coercive control imo.

Nagging also isnt the same as voicing your concerns in a reasonable manner.

Youre treating men as a monolith as if men who say either of those things say both of them.

missmireya · 2024-12-05T00:56:38+00:00

Lmao it took me actually leaving my ex and moving completely out before he took me seriously. Before that, I made the mistake of begging him to work on our relationship.

He actually said word for word after I left-

"I never thought you would actually leave me."

So yeah, he really must've thought that I was a complete pushover.

shadowstep12 · 2024-12-05T06:19:10+00:00

Wait so just so I can understand this sub doesn't have a specific day for shit posts it's just when X member posts or nah I don't know if I should actually make a proper response or a /s response here

Schleudergang1400 · 2024-12-05T10:06:36+00:00

YOu don't have enough time to gather information on the topics you post about. Spitting out 1-2 posts per day leads to low quality topics. Why do you have such an urge to push your topics down our throats? Why do you need us to care about what you have to say so much?

The Men Are Wonderful bias plaguing this subreddit.

You are plaguing this subreddit with your made up facts and "i get all my info from incel subreddits and social media" discussions.

Threatening someone to get what you want is abusive. That this isn't absolutely clear to you, that the woman in your scenario is the toxic one who should not be in a relationship is MIND BOGGLING.

Adventurous-Ruin3873 · 2024-12-05T03:08:18+00:00

Men Are Wonderful

There is no research that supports your twisting of the Women Are Wonderful bias. It's absolutely bizarre that you would coin your own term to lend credit to your point.

I think the exact problem that you're describing here is that way too many women will have an I speak, you listen and do policy in their households. Even when women oppose traditional gender roles, they believe the woman is the authority on household matters.

This creates a great deal of cognitive dissonance. "Men should pitch in as much as women do" but "I know best, and therefore he must do things my way."

If you're going to rapid-fire ultimatums at your partner ("Do the dishes now or I'm going to break up with you"), I don't understand why you're with him in the first place. Do you even like men?

Artistic_Speech_1965 · 2024-12-05T07:09:34+00:00

I would just give a bit of nuance: the men who are complaining are the ones who can't enter into a relationship because it's hard for them. The ones women complain about are the ones who could and generally with low effort so they stay with this energy with their partner

Of course that doesn't mean the men who complain are husband material but women are not always good to select a partner (generally the ones on internet) and the men are not as good as getting selected (generally the ones on internet)

AestheticAxiom · 2024-12-05T08:51:04+00:00

Are we presupposing that the requests not being listened to are reasonable ones in the first place?

If so, is this really a widespread problem?

siletntium · 2024-12-05T02:29:18+00:00

Men aren't your worker drones. Communication isn't talking at someone to bend them to your will there is a reason guys will sit in the bathroom for an hour or in their car after coming home from work.

Tokimonatakanimekat · 2024-12-05T02:54:36+00:00

women being very clear about what they want

If it was indeed not listening or caring on guys part - he would have same comms issues with men as well. However, most guys can establish an understanding between each other just fine.

So real issue probably lies somewhere else in "man-woman" communication process rather than being purely men's fault.

2024-12-05T00:33:12+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Turbulent_Mix_318 · 2024-12-05T08:05:30+00:00

In my experience, giving women what they want doesnt help matters.

HendriXP88 · 2024-12-05T10:52:07+00:00

"The Men Are Wonderful bias plaguing this subreddit. Apparently, a man’s love life being shit can never be a self-inflicted problem." - I don't really recognize this bias. A man's issues in life can very well be self-inflicted

"Guys who insist that women should stop nagging…..and then get mad when women give up nagging and just divorce." - So it's live with nagging or live alone? Are you saying that women always nag?

"Guys claiming women never say what they want and women being very clear about what they want but still arent being listened to." - what makes you so certain that all women voice their needs and issues in a clear way?

"So going back to the title, I have notice that guys who dont listen typically get their act together when theyre given an ultimatum. However, a relationship shouldnt be based on getting to a breaking point to get change. Even when the relationship can survive reaching that breaking point, guys like that go back to not listening when he thinks the relationship is safe." - Isn't this a human issue more than just a man issue?

"THE POINT! Guys like that are better off not being in relationships if they cant be bothered to care about maintaining a relationship." - Guys like what exactly? Guys who don't like nagging or guys who don't acknowledge the same issue as their partner?

I don't really understand what your point is. Is your point that all men are bad at listening and all women are experts at communicating? That's quite a generalization?

DecisionPlastic9740 · 2024-12-05T18:54:27+00:00

This would be solved if women stopped vetting for high status and instead looked for a quality relationship partner. The high status guy has a lot of options and doesn't care about maintaining the relationship. Plus nobody is saying men are wonderful.

just_a_place · 2024-12-05T23:55:42+00:00

You should listen to the first thing that Men wish that Women would know about them.

The reason we stop caring about what you say is because you are the ones who bitch at us when we do care.

thedarkracer · 2024-12-05T07:30:54+00:00

The Men Are Wonderful bias plaguing this subreddit.

Holy shit lillith, what kind of bubble are you in? You and windmill flowers continously put posts bashing men like this and say this sub has a bias for men. Really?

Guys who insist that women should stop nagging…..and then get mad when women give up nagging and just divorce.

How would you feel if we just kept on repeating things in your ear while there is something else bothering you and we don't wanna listen what is bothering you but just what we have to say? Do guys do that? No. That's the definition of nagging. You can't handle a simple criticism while on periods lol, you will explode if we nag.

Guys claiming women never say what they want and women being very clear about what they want but still arent being listened to

Clear like what? Silent treatment? Dude, you can't even approach a guy you like and you say you are "very clear" about what you want. Even bisexual women also say that women want others to read their mind rather than actually communicating.

Yes. Just know if a guy is repeatedly in this situation with different women, he’s definitely the problem.

Good gaslighting lillith, may I point out if guys are so bad at maintaining relationships and women aren't, the stats for divorces between lesbians, gays and heterosexuals say the opposite. How would you explain you rhetoric about its always the man's fault by that stat?

SurelyWoo · 2024-12-05T03:28:54+00:00

Guys who insist that women should stop nagging…..and then get mad when women give up nagging and just divorce.

Give up nagging? Are women unable to negotiate an adult relationship without being a nag? If you are nagging, then YOU are already going down the wrong path. It's not a way to respectfully communicate and men quickly habituate to the nagging.

Feisty-Saturn · 2024-12-05T00:59:18+00:00

I agree with this take. I don’t personally believe it’s a gender issue. I think it’s just a people issue. A lot of people don’t care about their partner. the way they expect their partner to care about them.

flexible-photon · 2024-12-05T03:34:17+00:00

The whole world is plagued by women are wonderful. Why can't we have a little corner for the men?

Barely-moral · 2024-12-05T01:05:53+00:00

Women should not have to threaten to break up to get her boyfriend/husband to care about what she says.

Women would benefit by speaking clearly about what they want and how important is it.

Guys who insist that women should stop nagging…..and then get mad when women give up nagging and just divorce.

Nagging is ineffective communication. If you complain about the same thing multiple times without taking any action you are communicating that you can tolerate the thing you are complaining about.

Instead of repeating the same thing multiple times, just say it once, adding that adressing whatever it is is a requirement for the relationship to continue. Leave if unadressed.

I have notice that guys who dont listen typically get their act together when theyre given an ultimatum.

Clear communication works. Wow.

However, a relationship shouldnt be based on getting to a breaking point to get change.

I agree. You should make the ultimatums waaaaay before the breaking point.

Even when the relationship can survive reaching that breaking point, guys like that go back to not listening when he thinks the relationship is safe.

Because the objective is to keep the relationship safe at the lowest cost possible measured in time an effort. You always try to achieve any objective at the lowest cost possible measured in time and effort.

nightcall379 · 2024-12-05T01:54:01+00:00

Guys who insist that women should stop nagging…..and then get mad when women give up nagging and just divorce.

Did she nag, and divorce him because he didn't care about what she said?

Or did she nag, and divorce him because she never loved him to begin with, only settled for him, and only married him with the intent to divorce-"grape" him from the start?

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Livid-Log7463 · 2024-12-05T07:13:14+00:00

The equivalent type of woman doesn’t even change given an ultimatum but only after to try to get a new guy.

RoseyButterflies · 2024-12-05T12:01:59+00:00

Well nothing is more effective than threatening a breakup.

Especially if the man isn't listening and just refuses to care about the issues the woman is presenting to him to work on.

Some stuff I've essentially given up on with my fiance because I've just accepted it's never going to change sadly and I feel using an ultimatum for it is kinda ridiculous.

Mainly surrounding his bad habits with the toilet and shaving.

Perhaps I need to give him some actual negative consequences for not cleaning up after himself or a reward for doing it.

I can totally understand for many how they would just be sick of stuff like this and just threaten divorce.

Hi-Road · 2024-12-05T15:13:49+00:00

“Even when the relationship can survive reaching that breaking point, guys like that go back to not listening when he thinks the relationship is safe.”

Yeah unfortunately so many guys do this cause it works. Like every time. Just had a friend that went through this. We told her too

Consistent_Stop_7254 · 2024-12-05T17:02:22+00:00

Oh look! more obtuse gynocentric ass habberdashery...

This time its blaming men for how women emotionally butcher them through their upbringing.

Yes, both meanings.

Huh?

Exactly, there is your problem!!

RushtyTinker · 2024-12-05T18:01:28+00:00

If you feel the need to make a conscious decision to maintain a relationship you're the problem. I feel like this would be less of an issue if women were choosing their partners more organically rather than clinically ticking through a massive list of prerequisites from a pool of men that other women are also assessing.

There's plenty of perfectly leaned back and reasonable men, they're just not cut throat enough to pop up on most women's dating radars, according to the women on this subreddit anyway.

One-Trick-Rick · 2024-12-05T18:48:32+00:00

Well if your partner doesn't care about what you say then yeah you should just break up with them. I swear some of y'all just want to be miserable

Open-Quail-2573 · 2024-12-05T22:26:55+00:00

I'm not an expert but I find it bizarre just how mundane things lead to a breaking point for people, and these are grown ass adults. Even as a kid, I would be perplexed when I saw my parents arguing over the tiniest, most trivial and mundane things. It shows a serious lack of maturity. Just do the damn dishes bruh it's not that hard. I'm not married but I swear to God I'll never let shit like that happen.

Taurus420Spirit · 2024-12-06T03:11:15+00:00

Threated with, broken up with, rekindled with and a second break up threat (followed with, this time I'm dead serious if we break up, I won't come back) and then, finally got his act together.

Most men don't realise until it's too late and most woman are far more patient than I could ever be. Waiting years for change? He got 10 months... we now celebrate 13 months (minus 3 for the break).

QuantityAcademic · 2024-12-06T15:55:41+00:00

Premise is faulty. Women don't have to.

No-Rough-7390 · 2024-12-07T17:05:16+00:00

Maintaining the relationship should be the woman’s job. But we aren’t ready to talk about that.

nightcall379 · 2024-12-05T02:02:42+00:00

The Men Are Wonderful bias plaguing this subreddit.

Apparently, a man’s love life being shit can never be a self-inflicted problem.

The actual issue(and not the constant blue pill misrepresentations) being pointed out here is the blatant female double standard, and the obvious female lies about what they're actually attracted to

On one hand women will divorce a man on the most vague, and unclear reasons imaginable, like: "emotional incompatibility"

While on the other, women will live with a physically abusive man for years

Despite knowing he was physically abusive to all his exes before even getting into a relationship with, and then staying in that relationship for years after the physical abuse starts

Why?

What differentiates the man a woman will divorce because of a laughable reason like "emotional incompatibility", from the man women will stick by despite literal physical abuse?

Again, the core of the issue is the undisputable fact that women lie about what they're actually attracted to

HOLYREGIME · 2024-12-05T01:31:39+00:00

Can’t be bothered to care about maintaining a relationship.

Specifically, why do you think men care less about maintaining the relationship? Men are usually chasing and pursing initially, why do you think that changes?

BZP625 · 2024-12-05T03:11:02+00:00

It would be best if people without children would not threaten but just break-up if you say something and he doesn't listen. One strike and he's out. That goes for sex too, both ways, although that should be 3 strikes and you're out. Couples should not get married, or have children, until they can live together 2 years with no conflict.

N0b0dy-Imp0rtant · 2024-12-05T01:05:08+00:00

Your statement is reasonable.

The problem with any relationship like that is communications. The guy isn’t hearing what she is saying until it’s a forest fire. Both people need to work to effectively communicate just how serious they are and both need to be able to listen and hear the message.

Whiskeymyers75 · 2024-12-05T04:22:53+00:00

My ex threatened to break up with me many times. Then when I finally called her bluff, she had the surprised pikachu look on her face. Women need to stop threatening when they’re usually the problem in the first place.

Any-Remove-4032 · 2024-12-05T00:42:17+00:00

People also shouldnt drive drunk but they do. All you can do is drive safe and not drink and drive.

Title	Women should not have to threaten to break up to get her boyfriend/husband to care about what she says.
Author	LillthOfBabylon
Upvotes	24
Comments	333
Date	December 5, 2024 12:23 AM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1h6vu7x/women_should_not_have_to_threaten_to_break_up_to/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/women-should-not-have-to-threaten-to-break-up-to.1537556 https://theredarchive.com/post/1537556

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