The lie regarding nice guys

My_House_on_Mars · 2025-07-30T20:02:51+00:00

What is Alice supposed to do if she doesn't want to date Bob, if any form of rejection feels like a kick in the balls?

ngDev2025 · 2025-07-30T18:48:15+00:00

Let me get this straight.... you think a woman saying no, I'm not going to have sex with you is equivalent of kicking the man in the balls??

Did I get that right??

lesliecarbone · 2025-07-30T19:04:33+00:00

What was Bob supposed to do

I'd suggest having Alice arrested for assault and discontinuing any contact with her outside the justice system.

AngeAware · 2025-07-30T18:31:46+00:00

Do people on Reddit understand that simply making an analogy about something does not win an argument?

Analogies can and should be scrutinized on the basis of various criteria, such as whether they are comparing reasonably equivalent items. "Faulty analogy" is an entire logical fallacy for a reason.

I say all this to lay the groundwork for my issue with OP's argument. Is being physically violent toward someone equivalent to rejecting their romantic advances? No, no it is not. Therefore the argument is bad.

OneGoodAssSyllabus · 2025-07-30T18:20:14+00:00

No, OP.

A girl refusing to have sex with you does not equate to her kicking you in the balls.

ta06012022 · 2025-07-30T18:46:55+00:00

So I assume that Alice kicks Bob in the balls metaphorically. What does Alice actually do in this scenario?

Some actions are morally wrong and warrant Bob being less nice to Alice going forward. For example, if she steals something from Bob’s apartment, Bob is entirely justified in being less nice to her. Stealing is wrong because Bob has a right to his possessions. Stealing them infringes upon his rights. If Bob asked Alice to sleep with him and she politely said no, then she didn’t do anything wrong and the “kicking in the balls” metaphor doesn’t hold.

ChadChasingBReturns · 2025-07-30T18:19:25+00:00

Rejecting a man isn’t kicking him in the balls.

Flightlessbirbz · 2025-07-30T18:56:35+00:00

Do your female friends tend to randomly kick you in the balls? Because that is concerning.

Kicking someone in the balls unprovoked is morally wrong. There is nothing morally wrong with romantically rejecting someone who is nice (as long as you aren’t being mean about it). This is a very bad metaphor.

Are you obligated to continue being friends with a woman who rejected you romantically? Nope. Sometimes things are too awkward after that, and it’s okay to walk away from a friendship you no longer feel comfortable in. However, implying she did something wrong in this situation is just false. She doesn’t owe you sex/a relationship, and you don’t owe her friendship. But you do owe her the courtesy of accepting it gracefully without badmouthing her over it. Otherwise, no you’re not actually a nice person.

Ok_Isopod308 · 2025-07-30T19:05:58+00:00

oh brother

TermAggravating8043 · 2025-07-30T19:14:04+00:00

Did she kick him in the balls or did she just not want to date him?

Gravel_Roads · 2025-07-30T19:45:33+00:00

…you’re saying “the only way for women not to kick every man she meets in the balls is for her to never say no to any man she meets.”

This is the conclusion one must come to if one follows this logic.

Is this accurate?

torytho · 2025-07-30T20:13:13+00:00

No one has ever kicked you in the balls.

abnabatchan · 2025-07-31T07:09:33+00:00

so i read the study you linked to try and prove that rejecting a guy is the same as kicking him in the balls...it's actually pretty funny that you think it backs you up. like it literally says they had to get people who had just been through a SUPER INTENSE UNWANTED BREAKUP to look at pictures of their ex to even get the brain to react in a similar way to physical pain. so unless you think a girl saying "no thanks" to a friend is the same as being dumped by the LOVE of you life, then maybe, just maybe, you're being a little dramatic? no?

also, let’s say you’re 100% right and that study backs up your point, so what’s the solution you’re proposing here? like what should we do? are we supposed to sleep with every single guy who says he likes us? date every single one even if it’s just for a week? marry the very first guy who shows interest? or just completely disappear from society and never ever talk to a guy again just in case some guy catches feelings, gets rejected, and ends up feeling like he got kicked in the balls?

Zabadoodude · 2025-07-30T19:36:50+00:00

In this analogy kicking someone in the balls is turning down their sexual advances. How are the two remotely equivelant?

Now someone can develop romantic feelings for their friend, then find it difficult to remain platonic friends and distance themselves to get over the crush. That doesn't mean they only wanted sex, but they weren't wronged either. It's just an unfortunate situation

Lift_and_Lurk · 2025-07-30T18:32:12+00:00

Nice doesn’t even count as a character trait in the Sims.

How about dudes actually do something more than an NPC before complaining? How about that?!

MuscleVirtual7847 · 2025-08-01T15:53:57+00:00

As a former “nice guy” and now just an actual nice guy, the problem was never being nice. The problem is that Bob is unappealing as a man. He has no back bone, no charisma, no ambition, no personal hygiene, nothing going for him but the fact that hes nice.

Yes being nice is a good character trait to have. But its not going to trump the fact that theres 100 other nice enough guys that can actually have a normal conversation, take care of their appearance and have life goals.

The problem with Bob is that he locks in on one women he want (Alice), and when he don’t get his desired outcome, he hyper analyzes every man Alice entertains and compares his niceness level to theirs, all while completely ignoring the fact that the other guys are just better than him overall.

Maybe Bob just isn’t Alices type and Bob needs to move on.

Unhappy_Offer_1822 · 2025-07-30T19:32:36+00:00

so what exactly does it mean for bob to be nothing but nice to alice

Aimeereddit123 · 2025-07-30T20:56:11+00:00

Alice would be a horrible person in your scenario. Also, turning down a man for a date is NOT equivalent to kicking anyone in the balls…..

BigMadLad · 2025-07-31T00:25:45+00:00

No, but there’s definitely a middle ground between respecting yourself and expecting her to cater to your needs and then blaming her when she doesn’t. Ideally the adult response would be for you to say “ Alice, I really enjoyed being friends with you, but I have developed feelings and I do not believe I could be a good friend to you while I still have them. Because of that I want to introduce some space between us and if I feel like we can continue being friends, I’ll be sure to reach out”. The adult response to that would be that’s totally fine, and both parties move on. I don’t think anyone’s expecting men to constantly be slaves to women, and I do believe women can have more empathy to any potential lashing out on the men’s part, but continual lashing out beyond the initial instance of rejection is just childish And men should know better.

Cultural_Tip2618 · 2025-07-30T20:15:45+00:00

But you're not being kicked in the balls. You're being rejected

Yupperdoodledoo · 2025-07-30T23:26:23+00:00

So you’re saying that not dating Bob/ turning him down for sex/ politely breaking up with him is the equivalent to kicking him in the balls?

KayRay1994 · 2025-07-30T19:07:36+00:00

For starters I’d make friends with people who don’t physically assault me

doggiedoc2004 · 2025-07-30T20:33:49+00:00

lol. Declining an advance is not kicking someone in the balls. It’s…. Declining an advance vs leading someone on whom you are not interested in. Stupid analogy. Don’t hit on women if you think a polite rejection is akin to being assaulted.

Lightinthebottle7 · 2025-07-31T00:00:33+00:00

What in the actual fuck are you talking about?

Tylikcat · 2025-07-31T01:54:08+00:00

Strangely, not dating or fucking a guy doesn't seem like a great analogy for kicking him in the balls.

ZoneLow6872 · 2025-07-30T21:25:49+00:00

Let's say there is a girl called Alice and a guy called Bob. Bob spent considerable free time harassing and stalking Alice. She told him no every time. Bob claimed himself as a Nice Guy™️ while blocking Alice's route to her car. Alice eventually kicked Bob in the balls so she could get to her car. Bob continues to believe he was the Nice Guy™️ while Alice tells everyone she knows that Bob is creepy.

Are you OP identifying with Bob just because your Alice wouldn't date you?

Artistic_Speech_1965 · 2025-07-30T21:50:22+00:00

Wow did she really kick him in the balls? For what reason ? Where they playing a game ?

TinyFlamingo2147 · 2025-07-30T21:59:46+00:00

What exactly do you want to do about this kind of imaginary scenario?

MrNotSoFunFact · 2025-07-31T04:08:54+00:00

Bob is always nothing but nice to Alice and she rewards him for it by kicking him in the balls.

Damn bro, Bob and Alice into some kinky shit

ThatBitchA · 2025-07-30T19:24:24+00:00

If a guy has been kicked in the balls, odds are he's not nice.

Someone doesn't just kick someone unprompted.

No-Mulberry7538 · 2025-07-30T19:19:22+00:00

Nice guys are just men who look to put on a front to get something from someone, not because they are genuinely themselves. Also, you do not need to accept friendship if you ask someone out and they say no; they owe you nothing, and you owe them nothing.

Suspicious_Glove7365 · 2025-07-30T20:50:51+00:00

OP, how many women have kicked you in the balls??

Morgoth_Worshipper · 2025-07-30T21:46:31+00:00

'Nice Guys' are males who act nice in order to get into someone's pants but once they are rejected, they show their true nature by their misogyny and aggressive behaviour towards women.

Superb-Foundations · 2025-07-31T01:32:41+00:00

I mean... I think the idea of "nice guy" is more why was her friend expecting more from her than friendship 🤷 You're scenario is absurd so I cant defend kicking someone in the balls but I can defend simply telling your "friend" no and when they change from being kind to a dick pointing out they they weren't really your friend.

John_Oakman · 2025-07-30T19:19:55+00:00

Yes.

By doctrine genuine moral virtues are wholly independent of worldly results, therefor negatives reactions by others is not an excuse to stop positive behaviors.

From the moment any expectation of otherwise was formed, and thus any acts derived from that is tainted by ulterior motives.

DrankTooMuchMead · 2025-07-30T23:07:53+00:00

Nice guys is the dumbest description of a man on the internet, and it is really confusing.

It is meant to be like "nice" guys, as in manipulative, and i think it came from a self-help book.

Meanwhile, half the internet is saying, "Whats wrong with being a nice person? Do women prefer mean guys?" And there are even guys pretending to be rude just to pick up on women.

When people say "nice" guys, and mean it in a negative way, they should instead say "manipulative guys". It's not that hard.

Introvert_Brnr_accnt · 2025-07-31T19:26:33+00:00

I think we need to flip the script for guys so that men who don’t understand will understand.

Dude named Chris has friend named Bob. They both like video games, and they like to play together. Chris has a few friends on Discord, but Bob is always online, so he plays with him the most. Chris feels bad that Bob isn’t the best player. He’s not “bad”, but he’s just not as great as some other friends that Chris plays with. Chris is hoping that his friend, Clark, is available to Duo with when the new ranked competition starts.

But, Bob has been on more and more, and has been DMing Chris “WYD?”

Chris is afraid what this means, but he doesn’t want to turn down casual games with Bob, they’re pretty fun.

As a new ranked season comes up, Bob sends the question: “Want to Duo with me?”

Chris, although he enjoys playing with Bob on casual games doesn’t consider Bob a Duo coop partner. In fact, Clark seems to be down to Duo with Chris all weekend.

Chris turns Bob down, politely but firmly. Suddenly, Bob is spamming Chris. “After all I’ve done? Who was here when no one else wanted to play? No one will want to duo with you! You think Clark will help? You just want someone to carry you, you don’t care who has put in all the work?”

Bob sends him 57 dms, all about how Chris is a bad player anyway, and whoever would want to duo with him is desperate. Then he tells all the discord friends that Chris and Bob did play ranked together, but Chris was so bad that Bob moved on from him.

Idk, that’s my allegory.

brentifil · 2025-07-31T19:24:45+00:00

OP. Read no more Mr nice guy. You are almost perfectly describing covert contracts. "If I do x I'll get y". If you're being nice to a woman to get her to sleep with you then pull back after she says no, that's bad. Someone should be nice and giving because that's who they are. Not because they expect something. Pulling back after declined shows your true intentions. Friendship wasn't it.

CivilTowel8457 · 2025-07-31T07:10:01+00:00

From childbirth to rejection to dating, these idiots will equate getting kicked in the balls with everything 😂

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2025-07-30T18:24:39+00:00

In this scenario, "kicking him in the balls" = not touching his pee-pee?

DapperDan1929 · 2025-07-31T03:24:47+00:00

Maybe Bob is into “Ball-Busting”. Hey. Don’t judge lol

pachacuti092 · 2025-07-31T18:26:03+00:00

Why is Bob even entertaining Alice if she kicked him in the balls?

bvlgarium · 2025-08-01T04:00:33+00:00

So OP, if a gay man is constantly nice to you and treats you respectfully, then you have no reason to decline him if he invites you out for a date?

Also, how are so many people missing the fact that this analogy is about rejection…? There can’t be this many people who literally thought this is about a woman unprovokedly kicking a man in the balls?

LenoreNevermore86 · 2025-07-31T19:37:54+00:00

Except Bob was never truely nice to Alice. He had ulterior motives and thought of kindness as a bargain chip for sex. Alice doesn't owe Bob attention or sex. Truely nice people don't have to say out loud that they are nice, their actions and words say it for them. And truely nice people aren't exclusively nice to people they are interested in.

I understand that rejection hurts, but blaiming Alice or anyone who rejects someone of hurting you with malicious intent, implies that you think Alice or women in general owe you or anyone who shows interest the time of the day to avoid hurting them just because you showed basic human decency.

Adept-Entrepreneur61 · 2025-07-30T19:29:19+00:00

The illusion is broken. Three options remain. Stay friendly. Get flirty. Or leave. More seem to take the last option. I think men take things literally nowadays for their safety. A no is a no. Too risky to read between the lines in 2025, though that's what women seem to crave, right?

BCRE8TVE · 2025-07-30T20:05:09+00:00

What was Bob supposed to do, continue being nice to a woman who just kicked him in the balls?

Yes. Forever.

Welcome to feminism and equality in 2025, men's needs and boundaries are irrelevant compared to making sure women get everything they want and need.

GKilat · 2025-07-31T05:32:08+00:00

More like Bob was trying to carry Alice in his arms because he is a nice guy that won't let a fair lady walk and get tired and she kicked him in the balls in self defense of his insistence. Bob is either too dense to realize his mistake or he sees himself as an infallible nice guy and can never do wrong and so it was Alice's fault.

SadCahita · 2025-07-30T22:19:42+00:00

Too many people focusing on the metaphor instead of the point that the man doesn't owe her friendship and attention and isn't an "asshole fake nice guy" for moving on

DaddyStone13 · 2025-07-30T23:17:39+00:00

There are zero reasons for a man to be nice.

Money_Sink_4126 · 2025-08-01T23:45:52+00:00

Gaslighting 101.

GrouchNslouch777 · 2025-07-30T18:30:51+00:00

The lie regarding nice guys is that women like men based on anything beyond 1. How attracted to them they are + 2. How much attention they get from those men.

When people understand that women are pretty simple creatures governed almost solely by the halo effect we can understand once more....

...that their opinions on such things just aren't to be taken seriously.

RedPillDad · 2025-07-30T21:24:27+00:00

Alice is wired to assess a man's value and she finds Bob unappealing. His niceness lowers his value. He puts her on a pedestal, inadvertently eliminating himself from consideration as a lover. Once Bob develops game, he starts clearly demonstrating lover potential in women's eyes and no longer sabotages his perceived value.

Nice guys demonstrate anti-game.

Title	The lie regarding nice guys
Author	serventofgaben
Upvotes	19
Comments	305
Date	July 30, 2025 6:17 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1mde4hb/the_lie_regarding_nice_guys/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/the-lie-regarding-nice-guys.1558498 https://theredarchive.com/post/1558498

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