Q4M: Your age-appropriate date has a collection of romance novels, fanfiction, and Disney Princess stuff. Red flag? Or no big deal?

KayRay1994 · 2025-10-13T14:45:55+00:00

The Disney princess stuff is more of a deal breaker than the other two I’d say, but even with the first two - depends on if these are just interests/creative hobbies or if they take over her life

James_M_Croft · 2025-10-13T14:50:30+00:00

Having a hobby that encapsulates your entire lifestyle can be a sign of mental instability. Not too different from vegans or horse girls.

A hobby is not an issue, but an extreme dedication as to become a lifestyle is.

A room with walls filled to the brim with posters of k-drama is no different from a room with walls filled to the brim with anime figurines and video-game posters. A bad sign.

Akitten · 2025-10-13T14:42:11+00:00

There seems to be consensus among men online that "Horse girls" are a red flag to be avoided. Similarly blue hair, nose rings, etc. Basically women can't do anything without being judged.

Horse girls are largely just code for "expensive". Because horses are expensive.

blue hair, nose rings. Basically women can't do anything without being judged.

If a guy had those things, he'd be judged too. By women just as much as men.

When it comes to writing fanfiction communities,

No issue, though it does depend on the fanfiction. Some of that stuff is judged regardless of the gender writing. In fact I think women would get away more with it.

keeping up on K-Dramas,

Meh, this one is fine. The kind of men that would judge it are the same as women who would judge a guy for watching anime. That is to say they exist, but I reckon fewer men care about that than women who care about anime.

Love Island, The Bachelor

This one I wouldn't judge, but I wouldn't understand the interest in it. I'd just treat it like some of my exes treated my interest in warhammer lore. Something that person is into and i'm not.

having Disney Princess kitsch

Again, if a guy had transformers merch, he'd likely be judged by some women too.

I don't really judge people's hobbies if they are pleasant to be around.

But your hobbies are absolutely a reflection on you, and some people, in my experience mostly women, judge that. Personally, I don't really need similar hobbies to enjoy dating someone. Some women would refuse to date me because I watch anime and know warhammer lore (never got to the minis though). Not a big deal, dating them would be miserable. T

ConstipatedAvocado · 2025-10-13T14:17:40+00:00

Most women consume some form of this trash content. Seeing it as a red flag would be like seeing men playing videogames/sports or watching marvel movies as a red flag. You'd be eliminating a significant chunk of the population. I know some female redditor will now claim they dont consume any of this because they're indeed a speshul snowflake but I honestly wouldnt read too much into a woman watching love island or liking disney movies or romantasy (my wife is big into all three).

Another big issue I have with modern gender discourse is this bizarre expectation for people to adhere only the aspects of gender dimorphism which they approve of. So wanting a woman who is demure, chaste and feminine who also approaches men and has sex on the first date or wanting a man who works out and looks like Chris Hemsworth who also doesnt argue back and spends all his free time not working out and reading feminist theory.

growframe · 2025-10-13T14:53:30+00:00

Depends on how annoying she is about it

kvakerok_v2 · 2025-10-13T14:49:44+00:00

Almost all women have those books, but

Disney Princess kitsch

Is a big red flag in my experience. They typically have a father that completely spoiled them.

Kreeps_United · 2025-10-13T16:13:13+00:00

I don't care what a woman reads unless she wants me to read it with her.

Also, men are often judged by their interests. Even in this sub I've seen someone blast men just for being on the spectrum.

GrandpaDallas · 2025-10-13T14:18:32+00:00

Red flag.

I have no intention or desire to date a "disney adult." I find them to be grating and our interests just, overall, do not align. I'm friends with some, I like them in doses, but when it comes to our overall interests we would not get along.

Fanfiction I can accept more easily though. I'm not above that.

ViolentShallot · 2025-10-13T14:16:03+00:00

There seems to be consensus among men online that "Horse girls" are a red flag to be avoided. Similarly blue hair, nose rings, etc. Basically women can't do anything without being judged.

There's like a handful of warning signs, nowhere near consensus, and certainly not "anything".

HammieFondler · 2025-10-13T15:16:49+00:00

Romance novels are a green flag imo. Liking to read and being romantic are both attractive qualities to me

For the rest it's too hard to say because it really depends on what level she's into these hobbies and what she gets out of them. Like does she just enjoy collecting disney princess memorabilia or is she gonna make me take yearly trips to disneyworld and watch whatever slop marvel is pumping out? And "fanfiction" covers such a wide range. There's a big difference between an Undertale AU and "Lucius Malfoy kidnapped me and now I'm in love with him"

No-Rough-7390 · 2025-10-13T15:51:06+00:00

I think it depends. Disney adult, smut fiend, woke shit?

No thanks.

Swiftie, the sims, some reality tv?

Tolerable.

Solondthewookiee · 2025-10-13T14:16:48+00:00

Nah, doesn't bother me, just like horse girls and dyed hair. They're just excuses to shit on women.

Gravel_Roads · 2025-10-13T14:14:04+00:00

Fine by me, I literally met my current partner through writing fanfiction over 25 years ago. I have plenty of comic books and and RPG books on my shelves as well.

Maybe we can roleplay something from her romance book sometime 😏

krackedy · 2025-10-13T14:11:34+00:00

My wife likes gay erotic fanfic and it's a plus for me because I'm bi.

I'd prefer a woman who reads that stuff (or watches porn) and has a healthy sex drive than one with a lower sex drive anyway.

Plus I enjoy my "me" time and a woman is less likely to care about that if she enjoys her "me" time as well.

IgorXY · 2025-10-13T14:18:22+00:00

I am pretty open minded, for me red flag would be if a girl does not have any interests besides consuming social media, her favorite music is "everything" or she does not know her favorite ice cream flavor. Had a girlfriend who read yaoi, comletely fine, she did not judged my hobbies either.

P.s., men, please do avoid blue hair girls (more blue hair girls for me)

N_Count_Council · 2025-10-13T14:11:40+00:00

I look at it as an orange flag.

Disney specifically is a crazy expensive hobby (going to disneyworld I mean) so this is the main serious flag. Most women consume trash content like 90 day or Love Island, I look at it like finding a woman who doesn't consume that stuff as a rarity.

aslfingerspell · 2025-10-13T14:32:56+00:00

No, for a few reasons.

Hobbies are simply a non-factor in how I judge or am attracted to someone. I can't really imagine ever getting to a point where I could filter people out based on what they do in their free time.

Most of the time I just don't have the energy in my life to harshly judge other people for things that don't directly affect me.

I don't see children's hobbies as childish. I can even appreciate them in a "Adult money means buying all the toys, concert ticket, etc. I want." way.

The reason why some people are suspicious of horse girls is because it's a hobby that often starts young, so they can be more dependent on family money than a Disney adult. Or at least that's the fear.

Nose rings and dyed hair are not necessarily in the same category as hobbies or interests. If nothing else it can indicate political or cultural attitudes. If nothing else it's an extremely polarizing style.

Main-Tiger8537 · 2025-10-13T14:51:56+00:00

no big deal...

judgment and preference are not the same thing and your examples show that... actions speak louder than words in that case...

while we are at it nobody can do anything without being judged regardless of gender/sex...

leefjk · 2025-10-13T17:50:17+00:00

Disney Princess stuff is innocent and cute so why would any guy be against that? Now, if your "romance" novels involve nasty sex with strange creatures then I guess I could understand how someone might be against that. There's a big difference between the stuff in your collection that has a sexual connotation, versus the stuff that doesn't, and you can't place them in the same category like they're the same thing.

YetAnotherCommenter · 2025-10-14T03:05:31+00:00

Basically women can't do anything without being judged.

EVERYONE gets judged by members of the opposite sex on the basis of their hobbies and appearances. EVERYONE.

Also, you're conflating two kinds of judgment here - assessment of someone's moral worth, and assessment of someone's romantic compatibility. These aren't the same kind of judgment.

"Horse girls" are a red flag to be avoided.

That's because "horse girls" are often expensive to maintain and most of them don't want to fund their own hobbies.

When it comes to writing fanfiction communities, having a collection of romance novels, keeping up on K-Dramas, Love Island, The Bachelor, having Disney Princess kitsch, etc...

Women do exactly the same thing to men's media consumption and you know it. They use the media as evidence of personality traits and/or personal values and evaluate the partner accordingly.

That said, vapid reality TV content is not indicative of a deeply thoughtful woman the majority of the time (exceptions exist but signaling dynamics operate on generalities). Women have similarly contemptuous reactions to men who watch lots of sports. "Oh that stupid little boy sportsball game" etc.

As for romance novels and Disney Princess kitsch, those things just scream emotional immaturity, toxic femininity and a desire for a replacement-father rather than a romantic partner. Again exceptions exist, but this scanning for red flags is a numbers game.

As for fanfic, it depends. If the fanfic is ultra-stereotypical formulaic romance (het or slash, whatever) then the above critique applies. If the fanfic differs substantially from that dynamic, it can indicate atypical romantic psychology or sexual interests, which can be good or bad depending on the individual compatibility fit.

DashboardPilled · 2025-10-13T14:44:27+00:00

When it comes to writing fanfiction communities, having a collection of romance novels, keeping up on K-Dramas, Love Island, The Bachelor, having Disney Princess kitsch, etc...

An obsession with romance novels is more of a red flag because most of these romances that are targeted to women always portray a psychopathic, rich asshole who is also good-looking, who somehow ends up being domesticated by the plain-looking Jane. A lot of average-looking women read these and think they can make it happen in their lives, waiting for the perfect millionaire doctor philanthropist Grey who they can fix and turn into a "hubby".

The obsession with showbiz news and rumors is more of an incompatibility rather than a glaring red flag. I don't like people who are religiously following celebrities, obsessing over their favorite sportsball teams, etc.

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DietTyrone · 2025-10-13T14:23:20+00:00

Short answer is no.

As for the "horse girl" thing, guys may say that but it reminds me of that song about how Ramona Flowers from Scott Pilgrim ruined women. The lead singer of that band spends a whole song trashing women with septum piercings, BPD, and the usual cliches, but mid song admits he'd still hit if he could lol. Guy ended up marrying the same archetype of the women he trashed. Which is a good representation of how men view these things. Yeah, we'll criticize to high heaven but if they let us hit we're taking the shot regardless 99% of the time.

BobtheArcher2018 · 2025-10-13T14:28:13+00:00

They are small red flags. They add up. So depends. Kinda like porn in men. Not ideal But if a woman Nopes on any guy with porn on his phone, she's gonna make it hard to find a decent guy.

It's 2025. We are all degen to some extent. Have to accept that.

kexavah558ask · 2025-10-13T15:03:14+00:00

They are a yellow flag at most. It signals some immaturity, but that is still better than many worn-out, cynical, status-seeking and controlling archetypes that many women mature into.

However

Disney princess kitsch Would make me a bit uneasy, because that shows inability or unwillingness to compartmentalize this side of hers.

The response to this question hinges on the type of man: high-powered, status-seeking men might not be as amenable to those things as I am.

Ego73 · 2025-10-13T15:03:25+00:00

No big deal. If anything, I'd let her commission nsfw fanfiction from me for free.

wtknight · 2025-10-13T15:17:34+00:00

This is actually a plus. I'm not particularly mature, myself.

TotalTravesty · 2025-10-13T15:34:29+00:00

It’s a yellow flag. I’m gonna need to gauge her ability to decouple fantasies from real life expectations. Read about your billionaire mafia dons who moonlight as hockey players and have eyes for only you, but realize that I make what I make and can’t skate worth a lick. Be a Disney princess but also be prepared to sit down for mature conversations about bills, childcare and the like.

Ultramega39 · 2025-10-13T16:34:56+00:00

Don't care. As long she doesn't have a problem with me hating on the Disney live action remakes (Disney has been running out of ideas).

PoeticMoose619 · 2025-10-13T17:05:43+00:00

I think it depends on what it is. It would be hypocritical of me to judge; I like fighting games, JRPGS, anime/manga, and other nerdy activities which I know a lot of women don't like. Even being into bodybuilding and fitness could be a red flag for some women.

There might be some issues I have (more so with the reality TV), but in general, it isn't a problem. More a yellow flag, if that.

(The fanfiction might be interesting, though. I'd read what the hypothetical woman wrote--I enjoy writing. That might be a green flag, actually.)

Former_Range_1730 · 2025-10-13T17:47:45+00:00

That depends on what sexuality it's aimed at.

People really, reeeeeally hate to hear this, but sexuality tends to play a massive role in ones politics and way of life. If all her fanfic for instance is similar to what I see for IP's like K-Pop Demon Hunter, Disney Film Fozen, etc, where it's all her making head cannon of the girls getting it on with each other, that would tell me where her politics probably lies, in which we are probably too politically different from each other to date seriously.

Reasonable_Mouse789 · 2025-10-13T22:23:48+00:00

I probably wouldn’t even notice if someone reads AO3 a lot. It’d likely just get her ready to go for me, so that’d make my life easier. The Disney stuff is a bit cringe, but I could deal with it if it’s not too much. Like is it just a dress and a pillow? How much stuff does she have?

Commercial-Formal272 · 2025-10-13T23:12:32+00:00

Some characters are more plot objects than actual characters, simply existing for things to happen to them. People who strongly identify with those characters are likely to not take their own agency into account and aspire to be passive members in a relationship rather than actively participating.

Some characters are more complex but have rather problematic morals espoused in their story. People who strongly identify with those characters require a level of vetting to make sure they aren't also proponents of the same values.

Many disney characters fall into those categories.

As an additional consideration, Disney is a very consumerist and materialistic company, so people with an obsession or high loyalty with the brand itself are more likely to either be materialistic or make poor financial decisions.

On the topic of romance novels, it's a pretty open secret that it's often a euphemism for smut or basically porn, so all the same concerns you would have about a guy who regularly enjoys porn applies. Even the non smut romance tends to be fantasy in the same way harem anime's are, where a bland self-insertable character is able to attract really attractive people with little or no effort, and most of the drama is about making sure the relationship is on terms the protagonist is fine with or dealing with external obstructions. The key fantasy is the ability to be passive and have success simply come to you, which is problematic if internalized.

Lift_and_Lurk · 2025-10-13T23:50:39+00:00

If that’s her hobby and we vibe with everything else then cool: she can have her hobbies and I can have mine. She can chill out and read romance or go to a DisneyCosplay while I’m watching the game. We can have our own hobby time as long as we can find and have things we can do together as well

GKilat · 2025-10-14T00:53:45+00:00

As long as they can separate fiction from reality, it's all good. The deal breaker is if they started to impose reasoning that only works in fiction into the real world like morality being black and white when the real world is more of a gray morality. A lot of people these days never seemed to left their childhood fantasy land and is bringing their morality from fantasy land to the real world.

Trancetastic16 · 2025-10-14T01:01:24+00:00

Perfectly fine with it so long as it doesn’t give them unrealistic expectations.

Erotic entertainment, whether that is porn and/or romance and smut novels, is a matter of compatibility like any other for the two individuals to determine together.

Personally I enjoy writing and reading such content myself and would love a partner to bond over creating and enjoying such content together.

Sweet_Discount4485 · 2025-10-14T04:57:39+00:00

That's not nearly enough to make much judgement about someone on.

CerealExprmntz · 2025-10-14T12:51:15+00:00

Basically women can't do anything without being judged

Right, because everything men do is exalted by women.

having a collection of romance novels,

You mean smut? Pornographic literature?

I get the sense that some guys similarly find this sort of media consumption judgement worthy

Similar to how women feel about sports fandoms, Warhammer, video games etc

never said women are doing this for you.

What reason would men have to think that women were doing these things for us? How would women do these things for us?

Never said we should change based on your opinion.

...neither did we. Look, if men tend to think that something women are into is cringey, then that's just what they think. It is what it is. You're the one who's choosing to get all bent out of shape over it. You could just ignore men's opinions and keep doing what you enjoy. But noooooo. Men have to celebrate the things you love! We have to love that you love the cringey shit you love! Why?

TopShelfSnipes · 2025-10-14T13:04:54+00:00

Depends on what is meant by a collection. A few books she barely looks at? Probably fine.

An entire room filled with the stuff and she can't go an hour without mentioning it? Red flag.

Having Disney princess stuff is fine. Being a whole ass "Disney adult" is not.

I view certain hobbies as dealbreakers. Me personally, I can't stand anime or people who talk excessively about gaming or feel compelled to explain a whole ass game to someone who's never played it. It's boring. I suppose for "female-coded" hobbies, in that same vein would be someone who's too into reality TV shows or celebrity gossip/happenings. Don't really care who famous people are fucking.

Anyone who has any of those things as a core interest who would have expected me to share them was gonna be a nope.

RycerzKwarcowy · 2025-10-14T18:47:00+00:00

White flag, she'll be more acceptable towards my collections and weird interests.

midnight_blue77 · 2025-10-16T05:47:24+00:00

May as well tell me there is a pine tree across the street from her house. It's just as meaningless.

writing fanfiction communities, having a collection of romance novels, keeping up on K-Dramas, Love Island, The Bachelor, having Disney Princess kitsch, etc...

I would still not date her though. Something about that description sounds like she's gonna be drama.

Artistic_Speech_1965 · 2025-10-16T12:22:51+00:00

I will say it depend. Can help to know how to love her better but can also signal unrealistic expectations about love, romance or a relationship. So it depend of how much she id grounded with reality

autistic_cool_kid · 2025-10-13T14:14:14+00:00

I'm into Ddlg so green flag

RealityCold4693 · 2025-10-13T15:33:10+00:00

Everybody loves to talk about the mental attachment. Men developed from porn, but nobody likes to talk about the emotional attachment that women develop from smart books. The difference is they think that much shit supposed to be real life.

Alone_Ambition_3729 · 2025-10-13T15:59:33+00:00

Honestly kind of a green flag to me. Those are arguably hobbies; they’re time sinks at least.

For me it’s a lot more important a girl can happily entertain herself, than that she have perfectly curated high-minded media consumption.

I also like when girls are “Disney Adults” (or pokemon, Mario, Hello Kitty, etc). They always have a bubbly girlish personality that I find very cute.

Steakman1 · 2025-10-13T15:26:59+00:00

I watch love island with my gf so that wouldn’t bother me at all. I’ve also never heard of a woman having romance novels being considered a red flag. Maybe smut.

Maybe the Disney princess stuff could be a little weird depending on how extreme it is. Though I’ll admit I don’t fully understand what kitsch is.

Independent-Mail-227 · 2025-10-13T22:40:27+00:00

Yes, romance novels alone is a massive red flag

Title	Q4M: Your age-appropriate date has a collection of romance novels, fanfiction, and Disney Princess stuff. Red flag? Or no big deal?
Author	Windmill_flowers
Upvotes	2
Comments	141
Date	October 13, 2025 2:07 PM UTC (9 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1o5koui/q4m_your_ageappropriate_date_has_a_collection_of/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/q4m-your-age-appropriate-date-has-a-collection-of.1564026 https://theredarchive.com/post/1564026

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