When is a woman too picky or superficial?

ladybird_00 · 2026-01-29T17:06:30+00:00

Never unless there’s excessive complaining to me about how they can’t find a man. Cry about it to someone else.

Brilliant-Block-8200 · 2026-01-29T17:04:19+00:00

Personally, I don’t think there’s a line. If a woman wants a picture perfect prince charming, she has the right to chase that. If she can’t find it and ends up single, that’s also her choice. I’d just have a boundary that I can’t listen to them constantly talk about it/complain about it if that’s something they do. It’s better for people to chase what they want and potentially end up alone rather than settle and resent their partner. That’s not fair to the partner

Kizka · 2026-01-29T18:52:59+00:00

I've read some "ick" confessions online and some of those were ridiculous. Idk how true they really were but if you would dismiss someone for the drink they're ordering or because you don't like how they tie their shoes then that signals to me that you don't have real problems and fill your life with imaginary ones, sabotaging your own possible success in your love life.

ValeWho · 2026-01-29T21:20:25+00:00

As long as they don't complain about being single they can be as superficial and picky as they want

love_in_october · 2026-01-29T17:00:49+00:00

There's not a line. If it matters to them, it matters to them. Even if I wouldn't rule someone out for something on that level personally, it's their choice and they shouldn't force themselves to date people they don't want to.

Financial_Leave4411 · 2026-01-29T17:17:22+00:00

A woman is only too picky when her standards cause her to suffer. If a woman is happy single then her standards can never be too high as her life has to be better in a relationship then what she currently has staying single. Also if I had a friend or family member who was struggling with dating I would help them learn to be happy single rather than try to get them to lower their standards just so they can be in a relationship.

Icy_Ad_4544 · 2026-01-29T17:26:00+00:00

Just speaking for myself - I don’t think it’s my place to call any woman “too picky” or “superficial” based on what she is looking for in a man. I don’t feel any sense of obligation to ensure that other people are in romantic relationships.

If she wants to date a 6’7”, multimillionaire, who only have her desired physical traits it doesn’t bother me because it’s her life to live and not mine.

Gilmoregirlin · 2026-01-29T22:02:19+00:00

That's not my place to tell a woman or a man for that matter. You are attracted to what you are attracted to, and you cannot and should not force yourself to be attracted to someone you are not.

bondepart · 2026-01-29T16:58:58+00:00

I find it silly when women won’t date men who aren’t tall. Such an arbitrary thing to get worked up about.

Only dating rich though, that I respect. Go get that coin, queen.

P1anth0 · 2026-01-29T19:59:55+00:00

This would be a long list. There are too many instances where a woman could theoretically be too picky or superficial… I guess I knew a 300lb woman who wanted a provider and I knew just by looking at her it wasn’t happening. Did I say anything about it? No.. I figured she didn’t have much longer to live anyways may as well be happy.

doggiedoc2004 · 2026-01-29T21:04:01+00:00

Individuals can be as picky as they want. If said individual asks you specifically about why they can’t find a match then sure, you can point out what your personal opinion is on the matter. And you are free to be as judgmental as you want. But I’d advise to keep it to yourself.

If someone wants to be a dumb ass looking for a mythical hot virgin or wants 6’5 blue eyes that’s on them. No need to opine

mashedturnip · 2026-01-29T22:39:06+00:00

When it causes them to complain enough that it annoys me, of course

Previous-Nobody903 · 2026-01-30T04:30:34+00:00

Dating isn’t mandatory, she’s aware of the risk of not finding someone to meet her standards, but is still willing to keep her standards as they are. Sounds like she knows what she wants and the price she’s willing to pay, so what am I supposed to tell her?

toad-wrangler · 2026-01-30T04:55:36+00:00

Too picky or superficial according to what measure? Who am I to tell someone what they do and don't want?

waffleznstuff30 · 2026-01-30T17:26:40+00:00

I think if she can't find anyone? And feels miserable about it. Or she isn't doing things actively in her life to make herself appealing or putting in opportunities to meet the men she may potentially have interest in.

Like if you want an alternative guy you should probably listen to the music and have things that are relatable to them? Maybe similar aesthetics and lifestyles.

If you value education? You should probably have an education too. And pursue a degree as well.

NoDanaOnlyZuuI · 2026-01-29T17:21:54+00:00

I don’t really see it as my place to decide when another woman is “too picky.” People are allowed their standards.

If a friend is consistently unhappy, I might suggest revisiting what she’s prioritizing, but I’m not going to tell her what she should settle for.

Most of the time the issue isn’t job titles, money, height, or looks anyway. Those are obvious early on. What people struggle with is compatibility and whether a real connection is there. Someone can look perfect on paper and still not feel right.

toasterchild · 2026-01-29T17:10:02+00:00

I don't have any friends like this really because i don't have much in common with people like that. There are some at my work and they hang out with people who are like them. They date superficial men while my friends don't.

You just gotta find the ones you align with, getting upset different sorts exist is pointless, just avoid dating them.

2026-01-29T17:39:03+00:00

I might be going against the grain, but if a woman complains about all men being “shitty” while not meeting her own standards, she isn’t being honest with herself. High standards are fine if you’re cool being single, but if you’re always complaining, maybe it’s worth being a bit more realistic and working on yourself too.

Another thing is hypocrisy. I don’t get why some women cling to patriarchal standards for men while enjoying all the freedoms of modern life. Or how someone can sleep around themselves but then bash fuckboys.

brizia · 2026-01-29T17:03:59+00:00

I wouldn’t say anything. They’re allowed to be as picky as they want, and sometimes there are consequences to that.

fakingandnotmakingit · 2026-01-29T18:21:29+00:00

It's not my place or my problem

Even if it's something I disagree with, I'm not going to tell you who should have access to you, your life, or to your body

I think if a woman or a man is happy and at peace with being single or would rather be single than be with someone that doesn't meet her standards then that's fine.

DMmeClownPics · 2026-01-29T21:10:31+00:00

I have had a female friend who, to me, it was very clear she was cutting herself off at the knees by having really strict rules about who she would date based on completely superficial things. Talking to her about it was what made me realize how differently I experience attraction compared to a lot of people. I’m not gonna say “most people” because I don’t really know. It’s a spectrum. Some people are really super visual and have a much more specific looks threshold, and other people are much more attracted to a person’s energy. And then there are all these factors that go back to sexual experiences in your formative years that can impact who or what you’re attracted to. It’s complicated and people don’t have much control over it.

Professional-Yam601 · 2026-01-29T22:54:46+00:00

I everyone is different with their standards and everyone male or female SHOULD be picky.

Your life partner is someone you have to spend everyday with. Experience your parents dying with. Possibly experience birth/ raising children with. Making major life decisions with.

A partner is someone we'll pick up traits from because you spend so much time with them.

Choosing a partner is probably the biggest decision you'll make in your life.

So I dont feel like there is such thing as too picky.

HOWEVER, I do think people can be off base on what they need in a partner and can close off opportunities for someone who would be good for them based on things that don't actually matter. Depending on the person.

My_House_on_Mars · 2026-01-29T17:23:28+00:00

It's a blurred line I think

If someone keeps dating and dating multiple people, and nobody seems to be enough then I think it's time to self evaluate those standards.

My male friend was complaining he never got any matches, even paying for OLD. So his therapist told him that maybe exclusively looking for women with no kids at that age left him with an extremely narrow dating pool. Now he has matches!

But if you are fine with having 1 date per year then I wouldn't say those are too high standards.

The line appears when you start being unhappy and stuck.

NiaMiaBia · 2026-01-29T16:54:01+00:00

I only have 1 single friend and IMO, she needs to be way pickier. She will CHASE a guy if he shows the tiniest bit of interest in her 😮‍💨it’s hard to watch - especially since she keeps repeating the cycle.

Also, can we call job title and salary “superficial” traits?

the_scar_when_you_go · 2026-01-29T17:23:09+00:00

She gets to set her own standards, as an adult. If that means it's Practical Magic-style specific, so be it. The closest I could come to criticizing it would be discussing it if I were asked for my opinion. (My go-to in those situations is to encourage them to consider their priorities. If they'd rather be single than with someone who doesn't fit their standards, that's ok. Then it's time to become comfortable with singleness while continuing to look. If they'd rather be with someone who doesn't meet their standards than single, it's a good idea to figure out which items on the list are preferences, and which are deal-breakers.)

Altruistic_Look_7868 · 2026-01-29T17:52:34+00:00

When the people around her has to constantly hear about it

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Secret_Entry1840 · 2026-01-29T18:27:54+00:00

I used to give one of my friends playful shit about her height preferences. But at the end of the day she’s the one that’s going to date or not date someone. I do tell her she’s a misandrist now. One too many bad choices. We argue about it when it’s brought up. But for the most part. It’s not my job to tell someone who they are allowed to be attracted to or be open to being in a relationship with.

Yupperdoodledoo · 2026-01-29T19:28:22+00:00

I have one friend like this. I say something when she complains about men stringing her along (talking but flake out on meeting) or mistreat her. I say that she puts too much importance on looks and needs to filter first for character and not just try for the hottest guys.

ResponsibilityAny217 · 2026-01-29T20:55:17+00:00

premise of the question is if you see another woman, be it a friend, family member, acquaintance etc that is upset about their dating difficulties and what do you need to see from their behavior in order for you to say that they are being overly picky or too superficial?

Where they are placing too much emphasis on job title, amount earned, height, physical looks and any other superficial traits?

I would need to see them being very sad about being single then I would recommend change.

Stunning-Potato-1984 · 2026-01-29T22:08:40+00:00

So I am a firm believer of you like what you like and you get to decide who you wanna date.

That being said do I give my friends over shit? Absolutely. I had coworker say she just isn't attracted to Asians, so I started pulling up pics of Henry Golding, Rowoon, Tony Leung, and my kill shot: Manny Jancinto. And she was like... Yeah okay fine. I'm like you can't say you're not attracted to an entire race of people that's insane. I have a preference for black hair, it doesn't mean I think Alexander Skarsgard is a troll.

Height is something I also give mild shit about. Who cares? It's kinda stupid. Like good job, funny, has really cool hobbies, is a great hang, treats you like a queen? Yes. But oh 5'7" is a deal breaker? Idiocy. L

But I will also give shit for when friends aren't picky. For long term partners you have to be. Does he have kids? Divorced? Age? Job? Debt? Is he rude? Friendly? Do they have completely different values? Sometimes they'll be dating someone who has COMPLETELY different values and it's like girl: What are you doing? You're not going to "convince" him. You shouldn't have to.

I do all this to my guy friends too btw. If everyone stopped complaining they want a relationship like me and my partner have I wouldn't give them such shit.

Jonesdm5 · 2026-01-30T00:37:40+00:00

They can do what they want I just don’t wanna hear them complain about it. Make your decision and accept everything that comes with it

-Shes-A-Carnival · 2026-01-30T00:49:20+00:00

when shes complaining she cant find anyone

Objective_Ad_6265 · 2026-01-30T17:26:13+00:00

If they focus too much on things like job and money that you can measure instead of emotional connection and attraction. Of course if you just don't like him due to his looks or height it's not superficial that's just how attraction works.

Jazzlike-Lifeguard38 · 2026-02-04T14:11:52+00:00

No there is no too much in my opinion she is the owner of her body and only she can decide what she wants in there and if that brings her pleasure.

Traditional_Lab1192 · 2026-01-29T17:44:32+00:00

To me, the line is when their preferences seem so overly nitpicky and specific that is clear that they will have very little success and finding a man who fits them. For example if they only want men who earn more money than they do, then thats fair, but if they require something outrageous like “He has to make 4x times my salary and I wont settle for less” then that’s too picky. Another example would be if my friend or family member was 5’1 like me but refuses to date anyone under 6 feet. Another example would be if they’re going for men who are clearly out of their league. Looksmatching isn’t a bad thing and more people should practice it.

So I guess ultimately, its when their preferences are unnecessary that it becomes a problem for me. Now I won’t say anything unless they are complaining about their lack of dating success. If they recognize that their dating preferences are very strict and it will be hard for them to find someone but they’re okat with that then I’m OK with it. But if they’re complaining about it as if they don’t know what’s the problem? Yeah I’m letting them know lol.

DaddysPrincesss26 · 2026-01-30T04:10:20+00:00

What “Man?” I’m focused on My Career… My Degree(s) Won’t ever leave me unlike such Men… I have Goals I haven’t even hit yet…Men have not been My Priority

HilltopHag · 2026-01-30T08:16:06+00:00

I don’t care what her standards are. She has every right to make her own choices. Women aren’t picky enough.

However… I do encourage women to embrace and enjoy being single while it lasts. And if a friend can’t work out why they can’t attract men and ask me why, I will give tips on how to be more attractive.

jorts-enthusiast · 2026-01-29T17:21:04+00:00

I think being picky and being superficial are a bit different. I don’t think you can really be too picky, but I think you can be too superficial. Like, I think it’s 100% valid to refuse to date someone who has different values, life goals, or morals and I would never tell anyone that they should compromise on those. Why? It leads to long term resentment and if someone is going to be genuinely unhappy dating someone they aren’t compatible with, why would they put themselves in that situation?

I DO think being overly superficial is an issue and I do call people out on that. I think it’s valid and normal to a degree, like preferring to date people who take care of themselves, but I’ve heard of women filtering out dudes under 6’3 on dating apps and I think that’s insane and shallow, and I call shit like that out. Having preferences is normal, but ruling out everyone that doesn’t align with those preferences and then complaining that you can’t find anyone is insane. The height thing specifically is nuts to me, especially because there’s loads of conventionally attractive men who just aren’t that tall.

Lemon_gecko · 2026-01-29T17:27:43+00:00

I mean if she only cared about looks i would call her superficial, and lucky, finding a guy who will fit the bill is easy. Everything else - there is no line and what would it matter if i didn't like her standards anyway.

Title	When is a woman too picky or superficial?
Author	psych0ticmonk
Upvotes	5
Comments	205
Date	January 29, 2026 4:42 PM UTC (5 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1qqdpkd/when_is_a_woman_too_picky_or_superficial/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/when-is-a-woman-too-picky-or-superficial.1572240 https://theredarchive.com/post/1572240

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