never ceases to amaze what men will demand

shine_flower · 2020-04-29T13:54:16+00:00

I saw one post like this before posted by a doctor who practices using her maiden name. When asked why she does that she said, "well, he didnt go to Med School, I did"

coolestgirlyoueverme · 2020-04-29T13:52:11+00:00

Lol here we have a man wanting to plaster his name all over someone else's prestigious academic work, while men complain about women only going after "high status" men...

rottenturnipqueen · 2020-04-29T17:36:55+00:00

Mentioned to my mom yesterday that if I were to marry, I'd like to keep my last name. She flipped her shit asking why I would refuse to take a "good man's" last name. I told her because I have learned to value myself as my own person and refuse to become another's property. She was so mad.

gigi_chi · 2020-04-29T14:22:21+00:00

Lol this is why women should stop changing their last names all together.

EurasianEmpress · 2020-04-29T13:50:55+00:00

So she’s still planning on getting married to him???

colourwayss · 2020-04-29T13:22:39+00:00

was about to post this in here lol. the pickmes in the comments saying that he’s just trying to be cute I — the intention doesn’t matter. the fact that this is a question he would even ask is a result of female oppression because marriage is an institution built on the fact that men believe(d) women were property being passed from father to husband.

SweetieCaroline · 2020-04-29T14:02:58+00:00

I didn't change my name when I got married cause I would have all the problems getting new documents and all my research published would be lost, cause all the new ones would be with a new name.

WeedsAndWildflowers · 2020-04-29T13:43:22+00:00

I finished my PhD last month and am so proud that it's MY last name that is tacked to my new Dr title. I'm also super happy that my boyfriend of 3+ years has been very adamant that I should keep my last name if we ever get married because he thinks the practice of changing my name for a husband is old-fashioned, unnecessary, and just extra complication for nothing.

open_heart_shrink · 2020-04-29T16:13:57+00:00

I have never really understood why women change their names. I remember being at a party with friends, and one of our male friends seemed personally offended I hadn’t taken my husband’s last name. Why does he give a shit about my name? Male fragility knows no bounds.

ThatGirl60 · 2020-04-29T15:00:00+00:00

My dad never even asked my mom to changed her last name or hyphenate it. And they married in the 90s. No one has an excuse these days.

rowedkill · 2020-04-29T19:32:03+00:00

This was my favorite comment: “Have you offered to let him change his last name to yours so he can have you present under Dr [His Last Name]?”

Bnelly2020 · 2020-04-29T17:34:28+00:00

As an African American woman that engages in historic preservation and learning about my family history. It breaks my heart to only find the history on the men in my family because there is not much to connect or know behind the women in your family tree. Plus families don’t tend to share stories about the women or care to ask the women their stories. Just my input

Skittleschild02 · 2020-04-29T12:36:33+00:00

Oh, hell nah. The audacity of some fools.

Saltwich · 2020-04-29T15:35:35+00:00

That just REEKS of insecurity and resentment.

GRCA · 2020-04-29T16:00:39+00:00

Yikes. Is this just another example of general male audacity and obliviousness, or does he have some grievance with her that he decided to passive-aggressively express with this question?

I will not be taking my fiance's last name. A few people have asked me about it because I have a PhD. Each time I have said that I am not changing my name because I don't want to. I don't even mention my PhD or publication record or any of that because I think it's bullshit that women need a "good" reason to keep their names.

AffectionateEchidna5 · 2020-04-29T17:15:11+00:00

There's way too much work with changing your last name. IDs, passports, addresses, work documents have to be updated. Insurance... Yeah no. I'd rather just keep my last name which I love. The idea i'd have to sit at the DMV to change anything makes me cringe.

karichar · 2020-04-29T18:41:48+00:00

the worst part is the pickmes in the replies defending him as being “cute and caring”

Yoannathegoat · 2020-04-29T14:38:54+00:00

This is such a weird request... WHY would I do that. Biggest red flag I ve seen in a while. I d never ask my partner to do that...

stackofwits · 2020-04-30T01:37:54+00:00

Maybe I’m biased since I’m an academic, but this is a red flag if I’ve ever seen one. As someone pursuing a doctoral degree in atmospheric science, if my boyfriend, who is seeking his PhD in philosophy, ever asked this of me, it would be the last thing he would ever ask me. Full stop. I’ve only just secured my candidacy but can already say beyond a shadow of a doubt that there are far, far too many sleepless nights, tears, grueling hours of hard work, etc., for me to ever attribute my eventual dissertation to anyone else but myself. To do anything else would be an insult to the 25 years I’ve spent making something of my name, and I’ll be damned if I’d ever give it up.

Vitaani · 2020-04-29T15:39:23+00:00

This is a bit of an aside, but I think it’s interesting the struggles women face in academic publishing for this very archaic reason. I’m in academia (getting my PhD next Spring if the pandemic lets me). Publications of papers and academic presentations are very important for securing jobs and they’re the key to your academic reputation. It’s INCREDIBLY difficult for a woman to change her last name after publishing her first paper (which this woman has almost certainly done, at least publishing her master’s research) because, outside of her CV, no one would know that her old papers were hers. She’d basically lose credit for them. The field won’t assume that Rose, E. A. and Brandner, E. A. are the same person, so a woman basically has to start her reputation over if she changes her name. I’ve even been advised (by my male advisor) to bold and asterisk my name in all my CV lines “just in case you change it later, so they know that one’s you.” Some women take what I call “The Rock” approach and change their name slowly for this reason: going Rose, Rose-Brandner, to just Brandner over years to make sure they keep their reputation. Either this guy doesn’t know how academia works or he straight up doesn’t care about her career.

CandyCaneQueenz · 2020-04-29T19:22:47+00:00

I hate my last name but you bet your ass hes not getting his name on something I worked on alone

ivy176 · 2020-04-29T15:22:34+00:00

I've been married before and I'm getting married again. I never changed my last name and never will. Those are the names I was given at birth and are part of my identity. I also have a nice last name, but my ex and fiance have bizarre and fairly unpleasant last names because they don't translate well to English. I'd be embarrassed to have either of their last names. My finances last name is actually worse than my first husband and I'd be embarrassed to even say it lol. Plus I just don't see the need. I have no interest in changing my documents or bank cards either, it'd be like losing your wallet. No thanks

WanderingCookie · 2020-04-29T18:39:28+00:00

Well this should have been worded differently. She should've said my ex-fiance. The minute someone tells you something so ridiculous, he's no longer future hubby material. Get with the program, sis.

seraphinelysion · 2020-04-29T15:39:16+00:00

Married 13 years and never changed my last name. It makes the divorce that much easier. I never saw the benefit of changing names. I'm not trying to be him. I'm not trying to be something owned by him. I am my own person with my own name. Not a hard concept.

catsuramen · 2020-04-29T15:56:10+00:00

Might be cultural. I am from Hong Kong and most of the women (actually the norm) keep their last name. Only the traditional ones would add on their husbands. Children use the father's.

It's just simplier this way.

quietmirth · 2020-04-29T17:17:53+00:00

Please tell me she left that entitled fool

FitResearcher5 · 2020-04-29T18:51:14+00:00

You ain’t ever catching me pulling this handmaiden shit smh

stovetop_bellbottom · 2020-04-30T04:38:43+00:00

I hope she dumped him.

sinstralpride · 2020-04-29T21:04:30+00:00

When I got married, I did not take my husband's last name. We included that fact directly on the wedding programs. My professional certifications are under my maiden name. (Though they were earned after we got married.)

We're coming up on our 5th anniversary, and I still get Christmas cards and various things addressed to "Mrs. HisLastName" and "MyFirstName HisLastName" despite us sending all joint mail as "MyLastName + HisLastName Family." From family even! Not just casual acquaintances. Our landlord even sent a few leases with the wrong last name.

It's so goddamn frustrating.

PicklesNBacon · 2020-04-29T21:23:56+00:00

“Planning on getting married” does not a fiancé make...

Until you have a ring and a commitment, you are not “planning to get married”

estu0 · 2020-04-29T18:38:35+00:00

This is why I’m a strong believer in either hyphenating or keeping your maiden name

sterne_arctique · 2020-04-29T20:34:52+00:00

Where I’m from it is illegal for a woman to take her husband’s last name unless they have a permits for it, and I love my people for that.

eatapeach18 · 2020-04-30T01:16:20+00:00

I’m working on my DNP. Socially I’ll use my fiancé’s last name once we’re married, but professionally I will always use my maiden name. I love him more than words, but I’M the one who slaved my way through a doctorate program, not him 💁🏻‍♀️

mandoa_sky · 2020-04-30T01:01:18+00:00

maybe it's a cultural thing? most chinese women don't change their surnames on marriage. (my mum did but that's because she got tired of the hassle it took when booking family tickets and we had a different surname to her)

southdak0ta · 2020-04-30T02:20:35+00:00

I’m happy in my country we keep our last name. We even use two, our mother’s and our father’s in any order they want

Tark1nn · 2020-04-30T23:28:08+00:00

Actually had a Physics Teacher who published under his wife's name (both name and lastname). He was a good teacher, wholesome. Once a student asked for his book and the next physics class he came with the book and gave it to him. Just like that.

Novemberinthechair · 2020-05-01T11:22:18+00:00

Why do people write "gender oppression" when they mean sexism?

comet2004 · 2020-05-21T05:24:44+00:00

I personally hate my father's guts so I would be more than happy to use anyone elses name on a doctorate hah

typeadhd · 2020-08-01T12:31:06+00:00

I’m sorry what in the actual fuck is this please the audacity

stovetop_bellbottom · 2020-04-30T04:37:43+00:00

A guy who ran a yoga studio I used to go to got married... and he and his wife both changed their name to “his last name-her last name.” now that’s a high value man!☺️

Title	never ceases to amaze what men will demand
Author	negligenceperse
Upvotes	2341
Comments	161
Date	April 29, 2020 12:05 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/ga87ix/never_ceases_to_amaze_what_men_will_demand/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/never-ceases-to-amaze-what-men-will-demand.677314 https://theredarchive.com/post/677314

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