I often see that women here say that being a “bad boy” is not what attracts them? So then what are the qualities of these men that attracted/ are attractive then?

fakingandnotmakingit · 2021-07-24T06:38:54+00:00

I dated a man who was a "bad boy".

Tatoos, fast cars, weed smoking, piercings. You get my drift

But he was also...not an ass hole. At least he was never really unkind.

I liked him because he was attractive and vibrant and exciting. We'd go on road trips and out of the blue and spontaneously do stuff it was great.

But he also he made me brownies for exams. He never treated people badly unless they treated him badly first. Basically he never used his badboy "edge" against people unless they striked first.

AquaChip · 2021-07-24T02:22:42+00:00

I’ve only dated one “bad boy” who wasn’t really bad just lacked direction. He dropped out of college and sold weed but other than that he was harmless and he wasn’t an asshole.

Traits I liked about him included: Confident, good in bed, not needy, exciting, charming.

Competitive_Pen2282 · 2021-07-24T11:10:42+00:00

Masculine men are attractive. Men who have expertise, can solve problems, brave, reliable, confident. Sometimes so called bad boys might project signals that they have some of these qualities and unexperienced women might buy it. In reallity of cause these men don't have these qualities.

thetruthishere_ · 2021-07-24T03:23:56+00:00

Being attracted to true DT traits is usually trauma on either side.

I just like masculine men that get their hands dirty be it work or hobbies.

sublimemongrel · 2021-07-24T02:18:24+00:00

Confidence and a little bit of aloofness in the case of the man I’ve most ever been attracted to in my life, ie my husband. He was mysterious to me and yet brazen and that was super sexy.

Feisty-Saturn · 2021-07-24T01:23:23+00:00

I’ve only been with one person Reddit would consider a “bad boy”. I was 19 and he was 25 and though I didn’t think so at the time I now look at it as predatory. I was insecure and lost, trying to figure out college and what I wanted to do with my life. Here came this guy telling me that he believed in me and that I would be able to figure it out. I was lovebombed and I found it really hard to leave even once I realized that this was a mistake because of codependency.

Some really toxic things I experienced with him were gaslighting, trying to control where I went, who I talked to and what I wore. He got emotionally abusive at one point as well. Ultimately infidelity gave me the strength to leave.

Now for the things that kept me: I mentioned that I was lovebombed. So I was told I was beautiful constantly, that I was strong, that I could figure things out, that I was mature for my age. He actually told me he loved me within 4 weeks of knowing me. We would talk on the phone for hours. I had no job at the time so he use to buy me breakfast everyday. It wasn’t anything expensive, empanadas which would cost him like 5 dollars at most but it was pretty much everyday. Even close to the end of the relationship he would still bring me breakfast everyday. He would have to walk an hour to drop it off.

I didn’t think he was a good guy and I didn’t think I could change him. But I thought he would be good to me.

I think guys who view other guys as shitty bfs don’t see the way the guy might bend over backwards for the girl. Don’t get me wrong this guy was shitty but even when he was cheating it was hard to believe because I thought why would someone cheating be walking an hour to see me everyday.

midwestufohunter · 2021-07-24T01:59:51+00:00

This reminds me of a funny conversation on OLD.

Guy: "I'm kind of a bad boy"

Me: "Oh. That means we aren't compatible then. Sorry and good luck!"

Guy: "Wait no I go to church and I love my mom."

I fuckin love a guy with an edge, but that "edge" is like, he is an independent thinker and doesn't follow rules that don't apply to him. Not he's a "bad boy" as in he cut school and is an illiterate idiot now that breaks the law to hurt people or to get money because they can't earn it in legal ways.

Like, quit your religion and dump your toxic parents and let's smoke weed and snuggle.

Not, let's steal money from your rich relatives and then argue in the front yard in the middle of the night like crack heads.

GridReXX · 2021-07-24T02:13:29+00:00

Being self-assured.
Not coming off as "begging" or "pleading" for my attention -- he knows he has my attention and if he doesn't he knows how to garner it without "begging" me.
Being "calm, cool, and collected."
Being risible and fun, but not derpy and dorky.
Not being "extra" and annoyingly over the top, but also not being an arrogant bitch.

CrazyBaby8891 · 2021-07-24T09:07:36+00:00

I've never been into "bad boys" except in the superficial aesthetic sense (the long-haired rocker look that normie society tends to associate specifically with the bad boy stereotype.) So my husband looks like a bad boy stereotype but his personality is the total opposite (and I find that attractive; I can't stand douchebags.) I know other women who do seem to actively go for actual "bad boys" (who, btw, do not always look like society would expect them to) and those women all have daddy issues and/or other issues which make them feel like they don't deserve and/or simply cannot expect anything better than that. This is why both sons and daughters need to be taught properly (ideally by both of their parents) about what a healthy relationship is and how to avoid an unhealthy one.

cloudsongs_ · 2021-07-24T13:45:31+00:00

I haven't dated any of these guys and I'm not attracted to them IRL. It's fun to see them on TV though

CFinCanada · 2021-07-24T15:03:20+00:00

I've actually always been into softbois, not bad boys. Softbois can be just as toxic especially if it's performative sensitivity.

PollaTronante · 2021-07-24T02:12:57+00:00

My two biggest turn-offs are unkindness and arrogance.

So yeah, not exactly hard to avoid the "bad boys".

ItIsnt0verYet · 2021-07-24T01:42:49+00:00

The one time i had a relationship with a "bad boy" i was pretty messed up emotionally. I knew he didnt care about me and i could leave without upsetting him. Him not caring about me was what made me interested in him. It was more honest than the 2 year relationship i had just gotten out of.

Luciansleep · 2021-07-24T01:10:01+00:00

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azevedro · 2021-07-24T10:32:48+00:00

People don’t understand the concept of co-occurrence and conditional probability. P(good looking|bad boy) is much higher than their opposites

y2kjanelle · 2021-07-25T00:53:44+00:00

Simple. They are their own person instead of trying to be a replica of what we want or what they think we want.

No one wants to date a clone or a shell of a personality and I don’t mean that in a rude way. But it’s just true. It’s why opposites attract and can do well together. It’s complementary.

So when women like “bad boys”, it’s just that they don’t feel the need to be like everyone else. They have their own interests, personalities and confidence that doesn’t sway when others try to influence them.

It’s all about being true to who you are.

Mrs_Drgree · 2021-07-24T01:49:58+00:00

That he isn't a simp. It's not so easy to tell the difference between a guy who just isn't a simp and one that is a legitimate bad boy^tm.

parabenprincess · 2021-07-24T05:51:49+00:00

A lot of women won’t admit they like bad boys but who do a lot of them open their legs to? I’ve learned a long time ago not to trust what people say but rather pay attention to who they give their attention & time to.

One tells a more accurate story than the other.

cuntreaper69 · 2021-07-24T06:10:38+00:00

Are women and men’s brains differently wired when it comes to perception of deception? I repeatedly see stories about women feeling they have been deceived/ manipulated into sexual/ relations with men and I just don’t understand. Like you willingly choose to sleep/ be with someone. U weren’t deceived, it just didn’t end up how you wanted

Siukslinis_acc · 2021-07-24T06:51:04+00:00

Never dated, so I'm gonna talk about villains from various visual media (comics, TV, video games).

Confidence, the rocker/metalhead/biker aesthetic (I dig it), the smiling/smirking, snarkyness/sassyness, facial roughness. They don't need to have all of the features that I mentioned, they can have a combination of some of the features.

NarniaFox · 2021-07-24T07:40:00+00:00

I've never been attracted to this type of people, but I can post some studies about it.

First of all, there's an issue with methodology in these studies. We usually see studies where they check whether women are more attracted to faces with "dark triad traits", but it isn't the best way to do it. There's study that checked it:

Because putative links between personality traits and facial appearance have often not replicated well across studies, we attempted to replicate these results with a new set of face images. Participants correctly identified the high-narcissism male and female prototypes and the high-psychopathy male prototype significantly more often than would be expected by chance. By contrast, our analyses showed no evidence that participants could discriminate between the high- and low-Machiavellianism prototypes for either sex. Surprisingly, participants correctly identified the high-psychopathy female prototype significantly less often than would be expected by chance alone. Together our results suggest that male and female faces contain valid cues of narcissism, but do not necessarily contain valid cues of psychopathy or Machiavellianism.

https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S019188691830607X

Another issue that most studies choose self-reports for drawing database of people with high dart triad traits. That isn't very reliable either.

Our findings show that dark triad traits are substantially intercorrelated, somewhat more prevalent among men than women, predominantly related to the Big Five personality factor of agreeableness and the HEXACO factor of honesty-humility, and generally associated with various types of negative psychosocial outcomes. We question whether dark triad traits are sufficiently distinct and argue that the way they are currently measured is too simple to capture the malevolent sides of personality. Because most research in this domain is cross-sectional and based on self-reports, we recommend using a cross-informant approach and prospective, longitudinal research designs for studying the predictive value of dark triad features.

https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/10.1177/1745691616666070

Another study:

These limitations include (a) the treatment of dark-triad constructs as unidimensional, contrary to evidence for their multidimensionality; (b) the indistinctness between current measures of Machiavellianism and psychopathy; (c) the use of multivariate statistical approaches that pose statistical and interpretive difficulties; (d) failure to test dark-triad relations directly against one another; and (e) methodological concerns related to convenience sampling and reliance on mono-method approaches. We discuss these problems in detail and describe solutions that can result in a more robust, replicable, and meaningful literature moving forward.

https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/abs/10.1177/0963721419838233

There are also studies that got different results:

Results indicate that women are averse to faces with high levels of narcissism, Machiavellianism, and psychopathy for both short- and long-term romantic relationships.

https://ray.yorksj.ac.uk/id/eprint/3006/1/DT%20Face%20SS%20AAM.pdf

Women (N = 357) completed an online two-alternative forced choice (2-AFC) task, choosing between high and low Dark Triad facial morphs for attractiveness, and for perceived danger. They also answered questions assessing danger in their childhood and current environments. Women perceived the high Dark Triad faces as less attractive and more dangerous that the low faces.

https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s40806-020-00230-4

Participants read descriptions of male personalities and rated their attractiveness.

Descriptions of male characters were designed to portray a combination of high scores on the Dark Triad traits (Machiavellianism, narcissism, and sub-clinical psychopathy), and results were compared to ratings on a lowscoring DT personality. Results were generally supportive of the hypotheses, such that younger women were more attracted to the Dark Triad traits than were older women; older women also rated the low-scoring DT personality as significantly more attractive than did younger women. However, inconsistent with previous literature, younger women rated the low-scoring DT personality as significantly more favorable than the high-scoring DT personality.

https://iranarze.ir/wp-content/uploads/2016/12/5864-English.pdf

Also one study showing that narcissism is attractive for both men and women:

Participants (N = 121) completed an online survey, whereby personality descriptions depicting characters high and low in the DT traits were rated on attractiveness. Findings of the study were, at most, consistent with the hypotheses. Narcissism was highly attractive, and psychopathy and Machiavellianism were not. Narcissism was found to be highly attractive for similar narcissists, males and females, and younger age groups.

https://esource.dbs.ie/handle/10788/3455

annabeelongx · 2021-07-24T06:16:53+00:00

For some reason guys who are kind to just be kind instantly have my heart

flapperfemmefatale · 2021-07-24T01:58:57+00:00

Depends on the definition of a "bad boy." But no, I don't think I've ever dated one. Fucked, maybe. My standards are lower for just fucking.

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Mrs_Drgree · 2021-07-24T01:24:33+00:00

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wtknight · 2021-07-24T03:07:23+00:00

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GridReXX · 2021-07-24T03:11:25+00:00

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likestodrawtoo · 2021-07-24T15:52:14+00:00

It’s the independence and cold aloofness. We all want what we can’t have, and the bad boy’s indifference + confidence is a killer combination: he doesn’t need you, if he chose you he wants you. His attitude to life is not one of desperation.

boomcheese44 · 2021-07-24T16:09:18+00:00

Women like hot men the most, whether or not he has dark triad traits is something we dont have any control over nor do we know about them when we are admiring his broad shoulders and jaw. Something is wrong with a person if they like narcs, sociopaths or people that lack empathy.

Being masculine dosent mean being dark triad. It means being able to follow your own rules when needed and not caring about peer approval. A lot of men are sheep and its unappealing.

yungthrowaway97 · 2021-07-24T18:26:28+00:00

My friend through high school and college was a legit sociopath like legitimately. No remorse. Big buff guy. Had 0 problems getting women. Was able to act sweet to girls and if you knew him on a superficial level he would seem nice to them. But anyone who knew him past a superficial level knew how psycho he was.

EstablishmentKooky50 · 2021-07-24T18:43:55+00:00

The more buffed you are and the less you care, the more pussy you gonna get. The inverse is also true.

level20000 · 2021-07-24T20:36:37+00:00

DT traits actually put me off severely. This is shown in my dating experience of basically dumping every guy I've dated prior to my current boyfriend. Not all of them men I dated had DT traits (in fact I'd say 3/4 didn't) but the one with the DT traits evident, was the only one I actually did not have a decent ending with. I was very straightforward about how much of an asshole he was, and I let him know that it was shitty and I had no interest. He ended up emailing me 2 years later begging for me to come back and all this shit about how he had changed for the better because of the one time I "yelled" at him about his manipulativeness lol. Still zero interest from me.

The things we generally like about supposed "bad boys" are the following: confidence, assertiveness, straightforwardness, bravery, willingness. We do not enjoy the other toxic stuff, unless "we" are traumatized. And the thing is, if you're a man who's also traumatized (as I think a lot of DT men are), you'll attract your match... and that will not go well. The men who legitimately think they'll get a decent woman through using DT methods will be shooting themselves in the foot for it later. I've met women who themselves have the DT stuff due to trauma, narcissism, etc... and they are absolute nightmares to deal with and will cheat on you every chance they get. So good luck with that.

Probably best off to just be a decent human being with kind attributes who also cultivates his confidence, assertiveness, bravery, ambition, strength, etc.

lunahugo2020 · 2021-07-24T22:21:48+00:00

The consistent theme I see in the men I've dated (although they have been clearly different heights, different ethnicities, in some cases different nationalities, and various education levels) is their ability to get along with others and have a good time in a group. That seems to be the common theme. They have friends. They're social; not necessarily extroverted, but they seem comfortable in their own skin most of the time. Some of these guys may fit into the bad boy trope, but essentially they can chat up people and not have an anxiety attack. I think lower inhibitions/less neurosis, in general is attractive.

LMM-GT02 · 2021-07-25T00:12:55+00:00

i.e. - A conventionally attractive guy that makes girls think they are unique for fancying him or a guy that fits a sort of character they’ve envisioned their partner to be through the media they’ve consumed.

Nobody makes their RPG character in a video game quite like the default. They have to be different in their mind from all the other NPCs.

Sophiatab · 2021-07-26T21:04:52+00:00

In the case of the bad boy I dated, the attraction was his maturity. The guys I encountered in college partied too much, complained about the allowances their parents gave them, and were concerned with what their friends thought. The bad boy had a job and an acquaintanceship with the real world. He didn't care what his friends thought of me and understood the concepts of studying, budgeting, and thinking before acting.

ThrowingKnive · 2021-07-24T05:50:38+00:00

So go after the women messed-up emotionally. Duly noted

Cupcakelover1985 · 2021-07-24T02:04:38+00:00

It’s assertion, dominance, confidence and charisma. A lot of cluster B people have those traits but they’re not exclusively found among those types. You can have those traits and be a good person.

2021-07-24T02:11:07+00:00

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gimpgirl555 · 2021-07-24T08:29:54+00:00

Sex. The sex is good.

AvatarReiko · 2021-07-24T09:55:16+00:00

Any woman who says this is lying through her teeth. Now, that is not to say that all of them are doing it on purpose but it is a fact that all women, even if on a “subconscious” level, desire the “bad boy”. Why? Because the bad boy possess traits that the female is inherently attracted to”

Attractive

Dominant

Extreme confidence

Some kind of high social status

Popular with other women and respected by other men

That is why a lot of women out there end up getting hurt and used by the “Chads” and “Tyrones” of the world.

One thing I have learned over the years from personal and second hand experience is that you can never trust what a woman says she wants in a man. A lot of women will say that they want a man who is “sweet and kind” but these are the same type of men that they will end of loathing. A woman wants a dominant man who can show her the world and dig her guts with mastery. Case in point; what a woman says she wants and what she EMOTIONALLY responds to are two complete different things

CameronJohns88 · 2021-07-24T14:10:59+00:00

Plenty of articles proving that women like dark triad traits. Women aren’t gonna be honest and admit it but reality speaks for itself

orangerose18 · 2021-07-24T15:06:38+00:00

Usually the women in my life who are attracted to dark triad traits have been hurt in some way and are seeking out familiarity in the relationships — ie they only know love as pain because that’s what they’ve experienced.

Personally the guys I have been most attracted to and have not been able to get my hands off of when dating are — tall(er than me), masculine looking guys. They are muscular, but it doesn’t need to be cut and chiseled I just need to be able to see the muscle mass. They are kind both to myself and to other people. I notice a huge rush of hormones whenever I’m out with my guy and he pauses to give money to a homeless dude. I can’t afford to be nice like that Bc I’m a small woman and don’t want to get harassed, but for a strong big guy to use his “don’t fuck with me” physique in a way that benefits others is fucking hot.

They “hold frame” to use RP words. They have boundaries and will not break them for me. I like this because it means he’s reliable and honest. I can trust him to maintain boundaries with other people and I can trust him to fulfill promises he makes to me.

They speak gently to me. They ask for consent before doing anything sexual. But not in a supplicative “pls let me do this” way, more of a “I’m going to take care of you and make sure you’re comfortable” way.

I think what most people miss in what makes guys attractive is that being nice and kind reads differently from different guys. A guy with no backbone, skinny fat, and no direction in life being nice and kind is just... basic survival. Of course you have to kiss ass there’s no other way for you to survive you incompetent nincompoop. A guy with solid direction, good education, toned body, and strong moral character being nice and kind is a conscious decision to make his world better. That’s hot.

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