Another reason why we should never date men who don’t clean and proactively manage their health: this woman’s husband has poorly managed IBS and she’s getting shamed for being disgusted (“IN SICKNESS OR IN HEALTH!”) because he makes her clean up his literal shit.

lilac-hiraeth · 2021-11-10T13:57:30+00:00

All I can say from my own awful marriage, we’ve got one life, why spend a second of it in a miserable relationship? I regret not getting out of mine sooner because I felt that I had signed up for whatever came my way with my ex husband. Our duties are to ourselves first, others second. Live and learn.

ConfusedBisexual1992 · 2021-11-10T14:10:59+00:00

And why can’t he clean up after himself? Myself and many other women have IBS, and don’t leave literal shit everywhere. I would be mortified if anyone else had to clean that up for me.

ETA: even with IBS, that’s not normal and he really should see a doctor to make sure it’s not anything more serious.

ItsFreezen · 2021-11-10T14:12:40+00:00

If he lived alone it's still his responsibility to clean it up.

2340000 · 2021-11-10T14:06:21+00:00

He needs to clean his own fecal matter! That is non-negotiable. The main issue is his disregard for her comfort.

Having a spouse with IBS is hard. But, even if I had health issues that made my general habits messy, I wouldn't want my spouse to be responsible for them 100% of the time.

BananaSlugGhost · 2021-11-10T14:28:59+00:00

If this was a husband posting and he had to clean up his wife’s actual shit, what do you think the group response would be?

HappyCoconutty · 2021-11-10T16:29:11+00:00

Sounds like he is eating terribly. His toilet habits are extreme, even for IBS-D. I bet he doesn’t follow any of the dietary restrictions recommended for his condition and feels this is something normal to subject a spouse to.

_xyoungbellax_ · 2021-11-10T14:18:28+00:00

You don't get over...you get out. Get out of that repulsive marriage.

scorchedsouI · 2021-11-10T14:05:11+00:00

I feel bad for both of them, but her sticking around if she's so dissatisfied and resentful isn't a good idea. We can discuss the moral implications of leaving a sick spouse all we want, this is no way for her to live and I'm sure he can tell she is disgusted by him. This is a non-lethal syndrome he can manage by himself anyway, not that it sounds like he does.

Edit: Reread it, and why the fuck is she the one cleaning his shit up to ten times a day?? Just leave.

repurposedschleem · 2021-11-10T14:32:55+00:00

This makes me so sad for a couple reasons.

I have IBS. I am the one running to the bathroom and I live in fear of my partner hearing the…godawful sounds/smells. I am VIGILANT about hiding it from everyone. It pains me to know that if we were to get married he might find me repulsive simply due to the sounds/smells that occur sometimes. My trigger is stress and yoga and therapy only do so much.
But why is she cleaning up after him??? That’s horrifying to me as a sufferer. I gag cleaning up after my SELF, I’d never ask another human to do it.

:( sad situation all around. He needs to get his shit together literally and she needs to end the marriage. Resentment is poison.

DallasM19 · 2021-11-10T14:50:39+00:00

I worked with someone who always talked about their IBS. They though it was funny. They'd make comments like "oh time for my after lunch potty break!" "No one go into the bathroom for awhile hahaha!" "Uh oh, I better hurry!". This poor person was morbidly obese and their diet was awful. A special office chair had to be ordered due to their size, they couldn't do stairs. It was sad.

This person ended up getting spoken to because of these and other very gross comments they'd make about their lack of bowel control, the smells they caused etc. We had a big beautiful bathroom in the office and everyone started to use a different bathroom if we knew it was used by this person. The company bought an air filtration system for that particular bathroom and had that spray stuff you can put in a toilet bowl to mask odors and also had cavi-wipes in the bathroom as well. We all had to wait until enough time passed since that person was last in the bathroom. This person also had body odours. Imagine having such a lack of self care and see self love that you no longer care that you smell, make everyone uncomfortable. Sure this woman's husband my be depressed or whatever but this is a next level "fuck you". As someone who has struggled with depression, self care was definitely hard but... Come on.

If it's not acceptable behaviour at work, why do it at home? Oh that's right, he doesn't respect her. They probably don't have sex and he probably complains about it, but who wants to have sex with a man baby who is a walking staph infection?

The comments are sad (communicate, take him to the doctor) but some are like "stop cleaning up after him.". I feel for this woman. Tummy stuff sucks but there are tactful ways of dealing with it.

boiledgatorade_ · 2021-11-10T15:04:10+00:00

Where does God say we have to be smiling and happy when we clean up massive mud pies from the toilet??

SakuraGirl88 · 2021-11-10T15:31:51+00:00

Oh God no. I, like others have IBS, and yes it is a struggle to live with. But I would never be disgusting. This is just vile.

blackmetalbetty · 2021-11-10T15:26:15+00:00

his belly is big and bloated and when he tries to touch me I am disgusted by his touch

I mean yeah, you're a human being. Can't fault you for not wanting to climb atop his swollen, feculent gut and go for a ride. Just divorce him, let others think what they will they don't live with him.

intergalacticanon44 · 2021-11-10T15:49:44+00:00

Divorce babe, divorce

TVsFrankismyDad · 2021-11-10T17:30:11+00:00

I dunno - has she CoMmUNiCaTeD with him about how she doesn't want to clean his shit up 10 times a day? I mean, he's not a mind reader!

all_or_nothing_bet · 2021-11-10T15:08:20+00:00

If roles were reversed he'd be out of that marriage like next day and reddit lowlife would say that's the right thing to do.

BasketLow8411 · 2021-11-10T17:07:05+00:00

So true. Not gonna lie, I am so glad to be divorced from my spouse because of this. He definitely had unresolved bowel/stomach issues, which may or may not have been a result of his alcoholism—it was similar to this OP’s description. Speaking of alcoholism, he also smelled always of a dive bar, brushed his teeth only once a day, and had withdrawal sweats that leaked through to the mattress and left ugly yellow stains. I couldn’t kiss the man without feeling grossed out by the end.

Ch40sTh30ry · 2021-11-10T16:30:24+00:00

As a reminder, men are allowed to take a stance of "no fat chicks" and expect women to be delicate perfumed flowers who stay skinny, hairless, smartly dressed, and never reveal their human bodily functions. Even if it's become less socially acceptable for them to say it out loud (especially the first part), hardly anyone challenges these preferences. And you know, I get it, I don't think anyone should fuck someone they're not physically attracted to.

But if that is the case, we are NOT shallow for expecting similar. No I won't date a man whose body is a garbage disposal. No I won't hold my breath when it comes to poor hygiene and low-effort self-grooming habits. I count calories, moisturise my skin, condition my hair, laser my legs, wax my brows, launder my clothes, clean my bathroom, scrub the toilet bowl and put scented candles around the house to neutralise any odours. Men don't get to enjoy the byproducts of my personal investment (without which they wouldn't be interested in me anyway) and then act like I'm shallow or snobbish if I seem disgusted by their hair-grease and neckbeard and want someone on my level. Fair is fair.

I just feel sorry for the woman who posted this for buying into male entitlement. Would he even want to fuck her if she were the one spewing shit everywhere?

shockingupdate · 2021-11-10T14:32:31+00:00

“Is this normal?” She knows it isn’t, or else she wouldn’t be pleading to the whole internet. How did he manage before they moved in together? Did he clean up his own shit back then?

FodderFigureIllushun · 2021-11-10T17:38:50+00:00

Isn't that the way of Reddit? They hate women who want better, who expect to be treated well, who don't want to be mothers to their significant others. The majority of men on Reddit are low value and will proudly state they save more money on rent, groceries, and cleaning by having their girlfriends move in with them. In the same breath, they will come down on a woman for expecting her date to pay for dinner.

jijitsu-princess · 2021-11-10T14:29:54+00:00

I can really identify with her frustration. It’s disgusting and the spouses know it but now they have their own personal maid and nurse to take care of them.

Question: how do you ask a person you are dating about their chronic health conditions? Mine hid his from me and when we got married all bets were off.

darkroombl0omed · 2021-11-10T16:35:49+00:00

I have lost it. How MANY stories do I have to read where the wife or girlfriend are dealing with sooo much for a freaking donkey boy. Why whyyyyy do we agree to these things. "He's not cheating, but I clean up his literal shit daily because I have to cuzz I'm his wife." Big no.

Competitive_Bar8657 · 2021-11-10T18:13:17+00:00

WHY SHE THINKS ITS HER "ROUTINE"??

why an adult male cant clean up after himself...daily? That's the bare minimum for an adult. I get sick and I clean up later , if I have roommates.

He's entitled to have a mommy that he can bang , while she realised that marriage to him is a scam contract. WHats her benefit?

GIRL YOU DONT HAVE TO STAY, YOU WERE SOLD A LIE

katiekat0214 · 2021-11-10T16:54:48+00:00

He needs to clean up after himself, and/or they need to hire a housekeeper, AND she needs her own bedroom. Sleeping in separate bedrooms pretty consistently leads to better sleep for both, but especially women. And it also sounds like he's not controlling the IBS very well, so time for checkup, different meds, different diet. ALL of which is in HIS control!

misandryisnotreal · 2021-11-10T14:27:53+00:00

I wish I could say that I’m surprised by the cognitive dissonance in some of those comments, but here we are.

jintana · 2021-11-10T18:03:40+00:00

So much recent marriage triggering. In my memory: a literal bed I had to clean in the middle of the night, and not being stuck by when I needed help with figurative shit. Fuck it. I love single life. So much less SHIT.

JaeJRZ · 2021-11-10T16:01:06+00:00

I can't even read this shit, literally I'm sickened just by the title. These women really need to gain some self esteem because they are allowing men to get away with waaay too much. I can't understand why?!?!?!

bleda_princezna · 2021-11-10T19:35:58+00:00

This is so gross. That woman has every right to be disgusted and turned off.

I have plenty of food sensitivities and often have digestive issues because of it unless I'm super careful and eat just a couple of basic things. Or fast...

I have never made anyone clean up after me. Not since the times I was wearing diapers as a baby. Also, I'd be very careful not to make my partner to hear the awful sounds. Not always possible, but often it is. And this guy is probably not even trying to improve his health. IBS is a nightmare, but oftentimes you can somewhat manage it.

Ex of mine had similar digestive issues like me. Yet the difference between out behaviours was night and day. I'm grossed out just thinking about it. 🤦🏻‍♀️

KindredMaximus · 2021-11-10T21:52:10+00:00

If he is not doing everything to help manage his condition - ie, trying FODMAPS, trying fibre, reducing caffeine and sorbitol, taking reducegas tabs, etc etc. then she needs to leave. If I had diarrhoea 10 times a day - I'd try to fix it and I sure as hell would be too EMBARASSED to leave streaks for someone else to clean up. A grown man who expects someone else to clean up his shit is no man. He's a toddler and he's also not looking after his health.

I was disgusted by my ex husband in the end too - it felt like he was trying to be as gross as possible, to see how much he could get me to take and still have to love him. He snorted snot on the ground beside me, the spitting ugh, refused to wash his hands - put marks all over the walls, he farted and burped as loudly as possible then laughed, he let his teeth fall out despite me begging him to go to the dentist, he left toenail clippings on the floor everywhere and on and on and on. In hindsight it was almost like he was testing me. I literally shudder when I look back on my marriage. The whole thing makes my skin crawl.

preppykat3 · 2021-11-10T18:51:49+00:00

If she feels relief while away from him that’s the biggest sign she shouldn’t be with him in the first place. Your partner should be your safe haven, not someone you dread seeing everyday.

As someone who has ADHD and taking care of myself isn’t easy, I can’t imagine being stuck taking care of another adult especially a s/o everyday. Sounds like a complete nightmare..

Skater_Babe_917 · 2021-11-10T16:36:40+00:00

This sounds exactly like my LVX! Fortunately for me I never lived with him or even stayed with him throughout the night but maybe twice in our almost two years together. He had once told me he shat up the whole bathroom in the house he shared with his “ex” (I knooow!) just to piss her off so she’d have to clean it! UGH!!

ferociouslycurious · 2021-11-10T19:25:42+00:00

Why do I suspect he’s being lax in his diet and medical investigation to properly diagnose and treat this?

FDS-MAGICA · 2021-11-10T15:39:02+00:00

I think she's not in love with him and is in denial about it. Her revulsion is not her being a bad person because she lacks empathy for someone with a medical condition, but her true feelings bubbling to the surface.

radfem_babe · 2021-11-10T18:15:47+00:00

For rich or poor, sickness and in health. But vows say nothing about hygiene and cleaning. Get the hell out of there.

JadeBaby2211 · 2021-11-11T01:38:58+00:00

Its interesting

Men will say their wife is disgusting and unattractive if she gains baby weight and asks him to help with their kid, while women's threshold for disgusting behavior is literal shit.

TikiTikiTata-chalala · 2021-11-10T17:28:42+00:00

The IBS is only partly the issue, the real issue is that he leaves his sh!t for her to clean up. She needs to dump his add, for better or worse means hard times you have as a couple, not him being the worst he can be.

Does she have to wipe him and burp him too? Honestly I completely understand her disgust for him. She's having to clean up his sh!t like he's a baby! And I guarantee you his diet is piss poor and heavily contributes to his IBS, most of the time you can manage mild cases through diet. Unless it's bad enough for him to see a Dr and get a formal diagnosis IT'S MANAGEABLE

yoursultana · 2021-11-10T18:36:20+00:00

I’m telling you now, no man on this Earth would do even 1% of what she’s doing for her husband. No man.

PicoPicoMio · 2021-11-10T19:38:58+00:00

This man needs to manage his health and eliminate trigger foods completely and clean up after his revolting self. I’m sorry to this woman, but seems to me like she should cut and run.

Davina33 · 2021-11-10T21:52:10+00:00

I have IBS too and I would rather die than leave any of my excrement around for someone to find. I have IBS A/M so I'm not going to the loo as often as the guy in this post. Why can't he clean the toilet after each use? Most of us women do. I also make an active effort to avoid food that sets me off, like onions and tomatoes.

macabrasive · 2021-11-10T22:12:05+00:00

WOW. I have IBS and my days are NOTHING like this. Why? I don’t drink, smoke, eat spicy/deep-fried/fatty foods, lactose, raw veggies or anything that triggers it. I keep trim and eat healthy.

It’s easier to take care of your body. This poor woman is not only dealing with his immediate consequences but the host of health issues down the line by not eating properly and taking care of himself.

frostedgemstone · 2021-11-10T23:35:40+00:00

Tell me again though how it’s single women who are dying alone and unhappy? Jesus Christ

leekykeeks · 2021-11-10T23:58:02+00:00

Frequent watery stools aren't normal and can indicate something more serious. He needs to see a doctor but before that, leave him.

If I live with a man again, I am committed to having my own bathroom. Trust me, it's a game-changer.

YesPleaseMadam · 2021-11-11T02:09:23+00:00

this is the bad place

sleepysiri · 2021-11-11T13:49:38+00:00

I can’t help but think how he would never endure this and leave her ASAP.

Denimiaa · 2021-11-10T16:43:42+00:00

You should communicate all of this with him.

Does he know how this makes you feel towards him? (How can he not?)

Ask him to do what he needs to do, cleaning, diet, to make it work for you also.

You are not his mother.

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