Never take a man at face value

pickadaisy · 2021-02-16T02:05:29+00:00

Yes, exactly, yes! These conversations with your bf were absolutely red flags. Anytime a guy tells you “wrong answer”, he’s saying he’s the judge, jury and executioner.

I also relate to wondering why my bf’s friends were single when I loved them all so much. Even after I realized it, I failed to connect the dots to my bf to much later.

Such a queen! Men truly have the audacity to believe their genitals are worth so much a women should “pay” (get an Uber after going to his house, trusting a strange guy who could kill her, etc.) for his services.

Meanwhile, the prostitution industry has ALWAYS been dominated by male customers. Facts don’t add up, gentleman!

Can’t wait to read your next post!

Pornruinedsociety · 2021-02-16T08:51:56+00:00

I wish women would stop having casual sex with these narcissists, having casual sex sounds more degrading than being a sex worker these days. I myself have been an escort, I never want to do it again, but I do feel escorts get more respect than one night stands and Fwb.

Geocities_SEO_Expert · 2021-02-16T02:00:52+00:00

It's really ridiculous that we've dropped to a point where a man can drive a woman back to his place, and then feel no obligation to get her back to her car/home.

It's also so telling that he opposes engagement rings, because he should be able to show love in other ways, but he's fine with his roommate stranding a woman away from her car, because his dazzling presence alone is enough to show that he cares about her. It truly shows that the ones who won't buy a ring absolutely do not give a shit about you. The other ways they insist they will show love never happen.

boredbitch2020 · 2021-02-16T01:32:23+00:00

They only do things to get what they want.

smaller_ang · 2021-02-16T05:17:26+00:00

My eyes opened wider and wider as I read this. Y I K E S

And then I remembered I saw a tweet recently about how dating is the process of figuring out why someone's single.

Colour_riot · 2021-02-16T03:33:27+00:00

[deleted]

hangingplaintain · 2021-02-16T00:59:33+00:00

[deleted]

Seraphinx · 2021-02-16T01:01:08+00:00

But your bf agrees with the lawyer, so should by that extension, also be single...?

Smart-Platypus6762 · 2021-02-16T03:51:55+00:00

The UBER thing is inexcusable. The man should drive her home or get an UBER if he cannot. When we first started dating, we would go to my boyfriend’s place since my kids were at my house with a babysitter. He always drove me home or got an UBER if we drank too much.

Regarding the engagement ring, I’ll confess that I don’t care much about rings. I’ve already been married and have seen how diamonds don’t retain value. BUT the man should get one if it’s important to the woman.

ethnicallyabiguous · 2021-02-16T02:08:32+00:00

Anytime a man makes that argument about the inflation of diamond rings and how it’s all a scam by DeBeers, I tell them I will gladly accept a house in my name that will remain mine if/after divorce. Those have and retain value if that’s what he’s worried about.

spinsterchachkies · 2021-02-16T02:49:42+00:00

You had “the wrong answer” and you were being “materialistic”. This guy is too cheap to buy an Uber for a girl after getting everything he wanted from her. So we know where the standards are, in the ground! He will do the same for a woman in a monogamous relationship. At what point can a woman have any desire or wants AT ALL??? If he isn’t going to fulfill your desires, add value to your life, or at least try too, what do we need them for?

gingerwabisabi · 2021-02-16T01:27:40+00:00

It sounds like they are both FIRE-oriented (financial independence/retire early) but as usual for a lot of those guys does not spend anywhere close to the amount of energy on relationship planning that they do on financial planning.

For lurking scrotes: If you don't want to get her a diamond, get her really nice moissanite/whatever she wants AND THEN throw in $10,000 in index funds in her name, or some similar sort of present that will demonstrate how you intend to care for her generously in return for her adding literal years to your life and possibly continuing your genetic line. A well suited wife will add to your quality of life WAY more than early retirement will and deserves a lot of effort in return.

souredskittles · 2021-02-16T01:14:52+00:00

This lawyer guy reminds me of this political commentator that is single despite being hot af. Makes me think he’s pulling these type of things because he can VERY easily get a mommy pickme maid. I’m going to name drop(Hasan Piker) so y’all dont think I’m talking about Ben-Can’t-Make-Women-Cum Shapiro or some shit 😂

Reminder that status does not mean he’s hvm. I feel like lawyers are just as bad as doctors. I still feel kinda bad for the pickme that thought she bagged a hunk.

This is why I’m weary of single guys with a string of exes. They definitely all saw something way wrong especially since there are so many pickmes.

Breesasha · 2021-02-16T01:39:34+00:00

He is definitely a LVM but he does sound good "on paper". I'm frustrated that he felt an Uber was too expensive. He's making big money as a lawyer; mortgage and student loans aside. A 20 min uber for less than $30 isn't that much of a hardship. Apparently women are supposed to survive on crumbs....just some decent sex and spending the day together constitutes a "great" man. The fact that he's in his 30s is also rough.

randomgirlimok · 2021-02-16T02:46:11+00:00

Birds of a feather flock together

millennialpink2000 · 2021-02-16T01:09:37+00:00

I love that you've got the post planned out! Queen energy to infinity

Turbulent_Gazelle · 2021-02-16T08:55:21+00:00

You are most like the 5 people you spend time with. He lives with this waking taint. What the roommate does is no different than those jerks in the club thinking they own you after they buy you a $5 drink.

I am glad you are dropping the dead weight and can't wait to read the post.

ETA: Your post was reposted in the R3dP!ll community. Watch your back.

Belgian_jewish_studn · 2021-02-16T11:46:19+00:00

They’re manipulating us. I’m also in the legal field. Each month I invite a business partner of my father for lunch to keep up with the changing art market (my field). This costs me money.

I don’t directly get anything back. It’s the price of a good relationship and peace. To me a ring is kind of the same thing. The ring is a price for peace and a good relationship.

They talk about how it’s a “waste” of money to make us lower our standards but when they’re 40-50 and wealthy they won’t think twice about buying a huge ring for a 20 year old while dumping us.

kingneeko · 2021-02-16T09:39:54+00:00

Trash. Both of them.

Mind-Objective · 2021-02-16T02:25:21+00:00

I’m looking forward to the update

biggestsigh · 2021-02-16T14:00:22+00:00

. My BF agreed with his roommate that shelling out all of your savings for an engagement ring is an unfair expectation , and you can show you love someone in other ways

Here you shouldn't have bothered to push back you should have asked him what other ways. Because an engagement ring isn't supposed to show you love someone it is supposed to be a reflection of the future bride's taste as she will ostensibly be wearing it for the rest of her life. So technically he is right he doesn't necessarily need to spend ALL his savings but who is even asking him to do that anyway?

As for the Uber incident I wouldn't have bothered arguing I would have just raised my eyebrows and found an excuse to leave the conversation. He is telling you who he is. Can't wait to hear how the break up goes.

I really hope you hit him with the vaguest of vague, "I'm not happy and I don't see that changing. We should go our separate ways." Don't get into details with him because he's already shown you he lacks basic decency.

lucidlotus · 2021-02-16T06:20:06+00:00

That’s just...gross. Even a LVM I dated regularly got me an Uber. He knew it was the right thing to do.

level_up_always · 2021-02-16T16:05:13+00:00

I dumped a dude for not getting me ubers back from dates and we never even fucked lol. It's the bare minimum if you sleep with them literally just basic respect -_- I fucking can't with these scrotes. This is why we need to stop fucking them.

mscristalconnors · 2021-02-16T08:04:02+00:00

So can ladies stop the weird thing concerning money?

There’s a reason why I expect generosity early on. It’s not buying your love or controlling you. I need to see the type of man you are in other aspects.

urban_tictac · 2021-02-16T02:23:48+00:00

Wow. Reading this makes me want to stay single. I'm scared of how crazy men think...

luvmyvulvaxoxo · 2021-02-16T01:47:52+00:00

Love your post because you’re introspective and applying a strange woman’s standards (who I assume you want the best for) to yourself. L O V E I T This is the Newbie post I crave 💗

noseatbeltsong · 2021-02-16T07:32:35+00:00

Wow what a gross story for the lawyer to be like, bragging about? Drive her the fuck home or get an Uber you pig. It’s literally the bare minimum if she’s stuck at your condo

Good job on making the decision about your bf. I’m so glad we can see the red flags so clearly now. Queen shit 💕

sacchilax · 2021-02-16T05:57:57+00:00

Oooh i can’t wait for the pt. 2

2021-02-16T09:20:16+00:00

I suggest losing the bf too, there’s a reason why he told you this. He’s telling you about himself, but it depends on what you want out of the relationship.

Theboredshrimp · 2021-02-16T11:10:00+00:00

"He'll be dropped tomorrow" 😂

_laufaeson · 2021-02-16T02:28:12+00:00

See, I feel like a weirdo in this sub for not really caring about an engagement ring. It’s not an anti-materialistic thing, it’s just that I don’t feel I need a ring to be reminded of my commitment to my SO. Am I wrong?

reversecupid · 2021-02-16T06:45:05+00:00

My ex-husband was exactly that, but he was an University lecturer.

At face value: He owned two properties, was handsome, was very active, was polite.

Boy, did he turn out to be a piece of shit.

ThoraFriganza · 2021-02-16T11:20:55+00:00

What a cheap ass person because I'm sure he has money.

InternationalRule479 · 2021-02-16T05:54:14+00:00

You see there real face talking to their friends! You already have the right attitude if you’ll get rid of him now. If he’s not even ready to get you a diamond ring for an engagement, then you should not waste your life with him and look for somebody better 💓

redopalrising · 2021-02-16T15:29:05+00:00

Dusties are everywhere even as Dr's, lawyers and finance bros. 🤦‍♀️ Cough up the Uber Mr. Money Bags. You know what the saddest part is. They will spend that money on an onlyfans camgirl but not a woman that freely had sex with them.

secularwitch · 2021-02-16T22:00:03+00:00

I hated that he has the nerves to say "wrong answer". He says this as if he is the one picking you to be his wife. Argh, classic arrogant white collar collage guy. Nah, you do the picking. If I may, I'd advise you to put him in place if ever he mentions such a thing again. Ex: (he says wrong answer and you say:) "wrong answer??? hah! I think you misunderstood the thing we have between us. I ask the questions here." or sth like that.

redmakeupbagBASAW · 2021-02-16T05:10:30+00:00

Ummm, because you want her to get home safely and it shows that you care? I always take note when a guy says, “text/call me when you get home” after a date and when they don’t. Same thought process here. And OPs (ex)BF prob doesn’t fit in that category. Sorry OP! Best to find out now!

picklesdickles2345 · 2021-02-18T07:31:17+00:00

It’s fine to not like diamonds. Personally, I perfer opals or rubies. My dream ring ring would actually be a bit of fossilized amber. But to write off rings entirely is super suss.

feistykalorina · 2021-02-16T10:55:27+00:00

Looking forward to your next post 😍😍

The_Plan7 · 2021-02-16T17:29:14+00:00

I hate diamonds and they are not wrong so my wedding ring was an actually rare stone with the band made by a well known Lithuanian jewler. It was costly and had all my requirements. Don't fall for the diamond hype, but get something that will hold value.

wavesandtea · 2021-02-17T15:26:18+00:00

Oh! I can't wait for your next post!

Sensitive-Shoe-1079 · 2021-02-20T03:22:10+00:00

Drop him tonight.

Kroniid09 · 2021-02-16T08:43:16+00:00

Uhhhhh what the fuck? I don't go out unless I have the money to pay my own way, and no, while I would like a nice ring if my boyfriend and I are ever pretty much independently wealthy, if there is literally anything else we would rather spend the money on I would rather he do that. There ARE better ways to show your love than an expensive diamond ring, and to me if that's the criteria you have for marrying someone then you deserve to be alone

mongoosebicycle · 2021-02-16T07:14:47+00:00

I once screamed at a guy I was dating for ordering me a car instead of driving me back to my car himself.

Title	Never take a man at face value
Author	hangingplaintain
Upvotes	1196
Comments	133
Date	February 16, 2021 12:55 AM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/lkrueb/never_take_a_man_at_face_value/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/never-take-a-man-at-face-value.743299 https://theredarchive.com/post/743299

Comments