Yes, you are. 💋

Platipus6 · 2022-03-16T02:19:12+00:00

She might be depressed so I nagged my arm candy to put in loads of work to look good for me, using social pressure expectations, guilt and obligation, by saying we were going out somewhere with lots of people who would critique her. Am I a clown?

I don't know what a carrot is, I went straight for the stick.

azulalalala · 2022-03-16T01:29:09+00:00

"I like having a beautiful wife"

Straight from the horse's mouth. He doesn't say he loves her, rather that he likes having something nice to look at 😬😬 Also notice she just changed her style... she bought new clothes, still showering and doing work. He is literally upset at her having her own will and changing her style. Gross

larkstarfish · 2022-03-16T01:44:34+00:00

What a massive asshole. I appreciate all the top rated comments, rightly pointing out that OP doesn’t make nearly the same effort to prepare himself for impressing society, nor did he approach her in way that would be empathetic to any signs of depression (if indeed that might have been why she stopped dressing up). I love that these questions are being brought to the forefront to be answered in a clear and direct way, that, yes, that is horrible treatment of someone you should love and care about.

MyLifeIsWandsXIII · 2022-03-16T01:52:01+00:00

You know there's something wrong when a man doesn't find women in their natural state beautiful and expects his wife to look like a doll every day otherwise she is sloppy or "ugly". It's not like she is unhygienic, she literally only wants to be comfortable in her own damn home. It sounds exhausting being all made up to the nines everyday in your house - when I'm at home I just don't even care what I wear or what I look like and that's part of the wonder and comfort of being at home.

The_Cat_Empress · 2022-03-16T02:31:14+00:00

Damn I'm happy I read to the end so I can start slapping on my rubber gloves...

Queen has every right to feel comfy in her skin and I'm sure she's stunning as hell! But the "I feel like I'm living with a homeless woman" took the cake for me.

Now if you'll excuse me, I'll be visiting this mans house with a plunger.

Patsy_Stone_darling · 2022-03-16T01:34:10+00:00

I would bet money that his underwear is riddled with holes and skid marks.

itsirrelevant · 2022-03-16T02:06:28+00:00

What a tool. I hope she becomes comfortable enough with leg hair in public or finds some appropriate pants for nice dinners though, because they are fun, if you're going with someone who isn't only taking you to force you to shave.

AyemHerself · 2022-03-16T02:44:03+00:00

Ladies, take notes. This is apparently how we're supposed to treat our partners when we suspect they are depressed. /s

Keepers12345 · 2022-03-16T02:07:54+00:00

Don't even need to read it to know the answer.

Men who turn to Reddit like that need therapy and a reality check, but they're not looking for truth. They'll cherry pick whatever replies that they get

CherubBaby1020 · 2022-03-16T01:30:57+00:00

I think she probably got an opportunity to relax standards she felt obligated to keep and realized she doesn't actually want to partake in them anymore.

Waxing and shaving is fucking exhausting and painful, make up is work, heels and dresses are often painful and or constrictive.

The pandemic gave a lot of people time to think about what was actually important to them and it seems she found that all this hullabaloo about meeting feminine standards wasn't it for her.

Probably not going to end well for this couple.

FluffandRainclouds · 2022-03-16T04:31:36+00:00

Isn't it amazing how men can get so upset about our "stupid" beauty rituals like makeup and shaving, but we are literally Hitler if we say a man should floss or use a washrag to avoid poor hygiene?

I understand if he has a preference for dressed up women, but is this man wearing nice crisp shirts, hair product, and using skincare? Does he even wash his ass?

At the end, none of this speculation about his habits matters because he does indeed seem to "love" her for her looks. Nowhere did he say she has poor hygiene or smells bad. It is simply a style change, because "model" clothes can be very uncomfortable.

If I was with a man who was attracted to me with a slick bun, red lip, and pencil skirt , but not when was freshly showered and wearing pajamas, he would be out of luck 😂 byeeee

Equal-Ear2312 · 2022-03-16T06:03:36+00:00

He equates shaving with being beautiful. Men really fucked with women's beauty standards. I'd have him plucked like a farm chicken and place him in the highest most uncomfortable heels and then put a barely covering skirt on him and a tight bra that strangles his chest. I would also laser hair remover his facial hair so now he feels the harsh cold and the sun directly on the skin. I'll also make him drink a load of bullshit and read some magazines that tell him he's not good enough. And then I'm gonna slap his butt in passing and tell him he gotta lose the muffin top. How about that? 😊

queeninprogress · 2022-03-16T03:08:36+00:00

She's not depressed, she just likes being comfortable, and what's wrong with that. Do you shave your legs and put on makeup and dresses daily sir? Exactly. Sit down, asshole.

missisabelarcher · 2022-03-16T05:13:10+00:00

FDS needs to organize a rescue mission and tell Grace she needs to get a divorce. It sounds drastic, but this dude only values her if she's a shiny trophy. Sure he loves her -- we all love shiny pretty sparkly toys. And if she's depressed, he's willing to bully her with shame, guilt and humiliation instead of gently sharing his concerns for her with empathy and kindness.

Who wants a husband like this? I think most of us want acceptance, love and the feeling that we can be who we truly are with the person we trust most in the world. She won't get that here. She should get out before they have any kids together -- he's exactly the type of guy to complain that his wife's body just isn't the same after having a baby and he's not attracted to her anymore, blah blah blah. No amount of communication skills and counseling can ameliorate the corrosive effect of misogyny on a marriage.

whiskey_and_oreos · 2022-03-16T01:24:37+00:00

Oof. Sounds like she might be depressed (not wanting to go out on a date) or maaaaybe he's just another demanding scrote who hasn't spent the equivalent amount of time doing chores in the last two years as she would spend on grooming for a single evening out. There's always more to the story.

And let's be clear: he's not planning a date to be romantic and reconnect. He's planning a date to force her into doing grooming and beauty rituals she doesn't want to do so he can have his arm candy again.

Keepers12345 · 2022-03-16T02:10:08+00:00

I'm guessing that him staying at home during the pandemic was exhausting for her and there's way much more to this story

Guyincognito9876 · 2022-03-16T06:44:00+00:00

In other words, how dare women put the same amount of effort into their appearance as men.

Pryras · 2022-03-16T02:42:45+00:00

Who in the fresh hell dresses up at home? Waxing and shaving is a pain in the ass but if he’s so uptight about his preferences why not offer to pay for a full package of laser treatments $$$ and see if she was interested in that? Oh and spa treatments? Mani / pedis and full body massages. Why not get her a $500 gift card to Sephora and see if she’s interested in that? If she’s not interested leave her alone. Sounds like she hasn’t changed at all but opted out of wasting time, energy resources and comfort to be objectified.

How can this dude claim to love his wife when all she’s done is stop shaving and wearing dresses at home? Yes he is an asshole

appendixgallop · 2022-03-16T03:28:03+00:00

Hey, Guys! Guess what! Women don't get jobs unless they do all the hundred tasks scrote, here, describes, every damn workday. Wifey Grace could be the most amazing biochemist in the state, or the top civil engineer, or politician, or executive director, but she won't get hired for an in-person job with just average grooming that a dude can pass with (clean clothes, haircut, teeth brushed). Wifey Grace has found out she can be terrific at work without all the hundred grooming tasks. Oops! Dangerous knowledge! Has Wifey Grace changed who she is and how she loves this man? Has Wifey Grace neglected her relationship? I don't read that she has. But, like any good drama, Wifey Grace is about to find out that she is only a facade to Mr. Scrote - she's not a real person, she's just skirts and makeup! Cue the violins!

aquietsword · 2022-03-16T08:28:13+00:00

Notice how he didn't bring up how well he takes care of himself? If he did even a tenth of what she used to do, he would absolutely bring it up. This man is out here just bringing nothing to the table but his plate.

podPHD · 2022-03-16T03:48:38+00:00

I am built like Jessica rabbit, big boobs, tiny waist, and big hips. I have huge back pain due to nature's joke so I work out to support my frame. My sister had a reduction when she was 18, all Paid by insurance. My point is I'm buxum, not fat. Losing weight does not solve my problem as I have no extra weight to lose. My husband of 15 years said yesterday "maybe you should get a mastectomy, so you're not in pain anymore! I love you, and I want you to live without pain!" I love him so much. A reduction is what I would do, not mastectomy, but that's what came to his mind. Big boobs giving you pain? Let's get rid of them! No honey, but god bless you for seeing me as more than a set of great tits. That's love. No but ma pee pee reeeee!! Jesus. Most men should be yeeted out of women's lives, shit, you deserve better.

TheCatProwlsAgain · 2022-03-16T06:40:37+00:00

lol where do I get one of these “I’m grumpy” shirts

Noemie_Mathilde · 2022-03-16T06:26:16+00:00

Men who aren't supportive of your fashion choices need to be dropped, stat. I've had negging guys telling me to dress down, or look "more natural". ByE!

Astral_weaver · 2022-03-16T06:19:57+00:00

Grace realized that dressing up is not worth of the effort and soon she is going to realize that her husband is not worth it too. Good for her. ✨

butteryrum · 2022-03-16T05:51:01+00:00

"My wife Grace" that scrote does not have a wife.

ppotil · 2022-03-16T03:48:19+00:00

I once dated a guy who chastised me for dressing too casually in a shopping centre with him 2 DAYS AFTER MY RAPE TRIAL.

Ugh, the bullshit I have put myself through.

Schadenfreulein · 2022-03-16T03:01:53+00:00

He was quick to attribute her hurt feelings to "isolation and depression" all due to the pandemic. Was she locking herself in the bedroom not speaking to you throughout the pandemic or just since you told her she looked like a homeless person?

I used to be married to a guy who would insult my appearance under the guise of telling me "what was important" to him. Finally divorced his ass.

Appropriate_Heron_82 · 2022-03-16T03:14:34+00:00

Women are trinkets for a lot men. I’ve DEFINITELY experienced this. Waxing and shaving aren’t things women do for ourselves 9/10. It’s typically for the male gaze. Sounds like she is prioritizing her own comfort.

Ivimaiden · 2022-03-16T02:01:10+00:00

That man is not with her because he loves her. She is just an appliance, an arm candy, kind of like a Ferrari to him.

annalmsw · 2022-03-16T03:48:23+00:00

How much time per day does this scrote spend shaving his legs, dressing up in heels, and wearing make up? Ugh.

munissa · 2022-03-16T16:58:57+00:00

Lol. I didn’t know being comfortable equates to depression, you learn something new everyday.

hilariouslystated · 2022-03-16T17:00:29+00:00

If she is simply working at home, why does she need to have on makeup and heels?

the-worst- · 2022-03-16T13:44:41+00:00

My husband once blew up at me because I don’t shave, do make up, or dress up…

But when I had been doing all that, he was mad about how long it took me to get ready, how long my showers took, would have a mini fit over any leg hair left in the bathtub, mad about how long it took to pick an outfit and get dressed up…

And when I stopped? I was having severe morning sickness and had no energy for any of it.

I bet she had a similar experience and this is what he is leaving out. That when she was dressing up and all that, he assumed her beauty was natural and that she didn’t need all that time to get ready, and was always complaining about how long it took her, or the mess she left behind (that she is probably going to be the only one to clean it up anyway), etc. Bet he never noticed her limping in heels after hours of being out, or how uncomfortable shape wear/ pantyhose/ other beauty under garments are. Never knew how uncomfortable a tight skirt or cute dress can be… and he only started “missing” it when he realized the only things he likes about her was all the work she put into her looks… maybe because he felt like it was for him, to impress him. Maybe what he’s really upset about is that she is no longer putting a ton of effort into her looks, and he now feels like she doesn’t care about him or his opinion of her anymore.

I hope she dumps his ass right onto the concrete.

Creepy-Night936 · 2022-03-16T03:13:44+00:00

Just happy that Grace doesn't have children with this manchild. Hope she leaves him and be with someone who will love her for who she is. Even if comments pointed out he's an asshole, bet that he wouldn't change his view on her. Poor gal.

NeuroDivers · 2022-03-16T06:17:08+00:00

I'm so tired, I'm not reading this. I think I'm better off alone 😂 men sound exhausting.

841ragdoll · 2022-03-16T03:21:23+00:00

The audacity. That's how men were from the start and now that women are also doing it (just dressing up what they feel comfortable wearing, not shaving, etc.) they think we're being lazy and looking like a homeless person? WOW. Just, WOW.

Level-Up-Jas · 2022-03-16T03:47:56+00:00

Definitely an asshole and one step away from cheating with the excuse “my wife let herself go” 😢.

thinktwiceorelse · 2022-03-16T15:57:00+00:00

Lol, mentioning her name in every second sentence doesn't make her any more real. Oh, those redditors and their creative writing attempts always make me laugh.

HydraSkyFire · 2022-03-16T17:43:10+00:00

I went through the same thing as Grace during the pandemic. The difference was that, instead of worrying about my looks, my husband worried about my mental health, because he knew that dressing up and wearing makeup were things I enjoyed.

Biracial_tooth_fairy · 2022-03-16T06:57:36+00:00

Pics or else he's the asshole

LaNaca8919 · 2022-03-16T05:30:51+00:00

My ex would dress up in ripped up pajamas pants and old tee shirts. He expected the same thing from me. I hope she gets out of that marriage ASAP.

Accomplished-Bear193 · 2022-03-16T08:15:37+00:00

Wife doesn't want to dress like a barbie doll on a daily basis anymore, gets mad when I try to trick her into doing so and then call her homeless when she calls my bluff..wow...

FDS-GFY · 2022-03-16T19:49:38+00:00

Grace sounds depressed. Which any of us would be if we lived w this scrote.

lunas-blue-beans · 2022-03-16T02:06:38+00:00

Agreed. It is too much work dressing up all the time.

Urbanwitch666 · 2022-03-16T09:50:29+00:00

I will enjoy the luxury of my leg hairs even more in light of this nonsense.

I'm so glad my partner actually likes me being comfortable, and isn't fixated on how I look beyond encouragement and love.

freerollerskates · 2022-03-16T13:41:07+00:00

So I think it's basic respect and good manners to dress up for your partner (within reason). If the expectation for date night is that he also puts on a nice suit, is freshly shaved or well-groomed beard, groomed body hair (no trunk jungles, thanks chaps), then I think it's a reasonable expectation that she also from time to time make an effort to look nice. I think the problem here is how he's phrasing it. This isn't quid pro quo, this is "I ordered a model and now I have buyer's remorse because she won't keep up with that exhausting and expensive schedule". She could well have some depression or loss of confidence about going out, but this post doesn't come from a place of care for anyone except himself. All he wants is arm candy. He's shallow AF with an unbelievable sense of entitlement towards his wife's appearance.

Loveenglishpeople · 2022-03-16T10:28:06+00:00

Weird how he keeps repeating « Grace » instead if « her »or « she » especially at the end 🤔

thewetdog_ · 2022-03-16T11:48:51+00:00

I think they may be more at play here and this guy is entirely clueless and selfish to realize it. The fact that she didn’t want to go out for a date night after so long and instead wanted take out, maybe she has anxiety from pandemic still? Maybe she is depressed. This man is useless to think it’s just a grooming/dressing issue.

His wife may have become legit agoraphobic (I know people who have a lot of issues of going out again when restrictions eased) right under his nose during the pandemic and he can’t even notice.

He says it at the end but still the solution is for a person who is struggling and is not being their regular selves is just to dress up?

PicoPicoMio · 2022-03-16T20:20:37+00:00

Ahhhh!! My shiny toy isn’t shiny enough! He only liked her as a trophy. She stopped dressing for the male gaze and he lost it.

PinkestMango · 2022-03-16T09:56:25+00:00

Whi tf is in the mood to do anything right now? I know that I am not. I used to braid my enormous hair. Now it's just a bun and a hairstick. Some accessories in it. Orderly but not like I am going out.

Makeup is of no use to me in general but it's pointless with masks. It's like men don't attribute any humanity to us.

fishingirl9310 · 2022-03-16T12:57:00+00:00

lmaooo let a man ever tell me how to dress or when to shave or i need to look good and the only thing he’ll be taking out is his ass out the door

biwinny · 2022-03-17T06:06:20+00:00

It's not the fact that he wants his wife to get fancy for a fancy date, or he wants to get dressed up with her when they go out. Its the fact that he's obsessed with her being beautiful as a core part of his love for her. Like her physical beauty is her most defining characteristic.

One_Photograph1173 · 2022-03-16T05:22:36+00:00

This has been a concern for all of us. This pandemic has changed us on an emotional and mental level. It’s taxed us relentlessly with no semblance of a break. I’ve gotten the way, and emotionally, this pandemic has taken a toll. Give it time.

CoffeeBeforeAdulty · 2022-03-26T21:00:54+00:00

I listened to this on YT omw to work recently. The audacity of this guy.

juicyjuicery · 2022-03-16T05:47:21+00:00

Stopped reading after “I understood because we weren’t really go[ing] anywhere.” If men want their partners to look nice, they need to take us out

victoriabowen8 · 2022-03-17T16:23:43+00:00

As someone recently out of a relationship and who has no intention of getting back into the dating scene I will say I have not shaved in weeks and it's been nice not to have that stress about being judged for it and just being able to exist in my own skin is a lovely feeling. Shaving is time consuming, expensive and can be painful (cuts, razor burn, ingrowns).

When I did first get together with my ex I dropped the makeup routine right away because that is not me and I didn't want to build that expectation. I hate makeup. It feels gross, it's time consuming and expensive.

I noticed the guy in the post didn't mention ONE thing about her that was positive outside of how she used to be eye candy for him. Is she smart? Kind? Thoughtful? Funny? Was she fun in bed? Did she take on any of the millions of things women usually take on so men can have less stress in their lives like the cooking, cleaning, budgeting? Nope. Because none of that matters if she isn't hot while she's doing it.

I think this goes deeper though and some of you have already touched on it. The fact that a woman, in her natural form, is considered "ugly" or "lazy" is disturbing and proof that things like p0rn and IG are distorting men's idea of what a woman "should" look like. We are mammals and we are mature adults - newsflash! That means we are covered in body hair and it's perfectly normal. What's NOT normal is the amount of time, money and pain women go through trying to convince the world that they are naturally hairless from the eyebrows down. That's why when I criticize women wearing 5 lbs of makeup, fake hair, fake nails, fake eyelashes, fake eyebrows, fake boobs, fake butts, etc. it's not because I don't like her, it's because I don't like the IDEAL she is perpetuating as it does directly affect me and other women (and especially young girls). We are "ugly" because we don't have these fake body parts. We are "lazy" because we don't spend hours every day conforming to societies (exhausting!) beauty standards.

It's also not even just p0rn or IG. Watch ANY tv show or movie. Women, sitting at home alone or just with their family and they look like a million bucks. Just woke up and answered the door - hair and makeup on point. Fancy earrings, rings, necklaces, etc. That's not how most women look in those scenarios!!! Even women in post apocalyptic shows - not a hair out of place and not greasy, teeth perfect white, "natural" makeup look, no body hair (I guess even after the world ends we better keep shaving our pits and lotioning up our silky smooth legs so they shine). Get real! LOL

I'm at a point in my life where if I can't exist in my own skin and just be me then I don't need to be with that person. My comfort and peace are top priority.

Title	Yes, you are. 💋
Author	myheartisfulloflove
Upvotes	1101
Comments	105
Date	March 16, 2022 1:17 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/tf5q7i/yes_you_are/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/yes-you-are.1107366 https://theredarchive.com/post/1107366

Comments