Age Gap Relationships

RedditBabe21 · 2022-06-14T05:29:09+00:00

I think older men can be incredibly sexy, but if we're talking a serious relationship, I prefer around my own age so we can grow old together. Not trying to fall in love with someone who's likely to pass away many years before I do.

YoviQ · 2022-06-14T05:43:38+00:00

Literally all you have to ask yourself is if you would allow your 18 year old daughter date a man 10+ years older than her. If your answer is no, then I shouldnt see you trying to defend yourself trying to date someone else's 18 year old daughter.

rosesonthefloor · 2022-06-14T03:30:09+00:00

Having dated both men closer to my own age, and men with significant age gaps (20+ years), it is really an entirely different dynamic. I wouldn’t say it was about thinking that an older man was “better”, rather I was looking for someone who was already done the majority of their growing so I could learn from them, be treated/taken care of, etc.. I didn’t have to do any work to help them grow, really. I was just along for the ride. I could piggyback off their success, meet them at the finish line, so to speak.

I think what most people don’t realize is that ultimately, the main reason a young woman gets into a relationship with a much older man is because she wants something from him.

So if you’re looking for genuine love, it’s not the best bet to date much older or younger.

wtknight · 2022-06-14T01:52:12+00:00

I realized today that some of you fundamentally misunderstand why younger women (low-mid 20s) date older men (30-40s).

This doesn't even happen very often. Most women who date men who are much older than them are judged harshly by their social group, even if the women actually wanted to.

Women like slightly older men but not much older men because they get the benefits of greater maturity without the judgment of their peers, the possibility of him just being some creepy guy who only wants sex, and the idea of him being an old senior citizen while she is still young and middle-aged if things actually do work out long-term.

Patrickstarho · 2022-06-14T02:40:43+00:00

I assume it’s because older men have their shit together. Like if your 19 you probably are broke, don’t have your own place etc.

Creation_Soul · 2022-06-14T07:10:58+00:00

I have said this and will say it again, it may not be a red flag, but whoever denies it's even a yellow one is delusional.

If I had a daughter and she was 21 and came home with a 31yo man, I would be somewhat concerned. Of course it's her decision and would not try to break them up, but I would voice my concerns to her in private.

Fat_Papaya · 2022-06-14T01:56:09+00:00

My parents did this, my father was in his early 40s and my mother in her early 20s. Though their marriage worked out for the most part, and they stayed together for 24 years until my father passed. I'm still against the idea of such significant age gaps, I don't think it's right when two spouses are so far apart from each other in terms of the stage of life they're at.

For example, when my parents were together my father's ailing health as a result of his age had in a way made my mother something akin to a caretaker and he slowly began to become somewhat burdensome. Not only this but she is now a widow in her 40s, he had simply aged and died well before she did and I must admit that this to me is an insanely selfish thing to have done. I don't think it's right to do something like this to your partner just because you think they're more attractive when they're younger, or in the case of many of you men reading here, as a coping mechanism due to your past failings in your youth.

I can somewhat understand the arguments to be made that young women in this scenario can think for themselves and may make their own decisions as an adult. But, I must say that this argument is wholly invalid, there is simply a level of naivety that early 20s women have that cannot be disregarded and that these women are making the wrong decision 99% of the time when she goes through with it. Simultaneously the vast majority of men that do this sort of stuff would more than likely cringe at the idea of their daughter/sister/whatever woman they care about doing this. I cannot for the life of me support such relationships regardless of the fact that I am the product of one.

PinkPurpleGreenx · 2022-06-14T12:05:00+00:00

I don’t see much young women dating old dudes. Maybe some with daddy issues or just looking forward to share his fortune. Usually people date around same age. And the delusion that men are hot older while most don’t take care of their appearance.

vuvvuvvu · 2022-06-14T01:56:10+00:00

I’m in my early 20s and I wouldn’t touch a guy in his 30s+ with a ten foot pole.

Older guys approach me and my gfs all the time and we’re disgusted tbh. They have more experience, money, maturity, power, etc. Men who seek out SIGNIFICANTLY younger women are gross and we all know this, that’s why all of you would be worried and angry if a man his 40s was macking on your 18 year old daughter/sister. You all know its gross and weird.

Have you seen most middle aged men? Out of shape, norwood 2-3,bad skin, nothing in common, etc. Men think they’ll look like Hugh Jackman in their middle age when in reality its less than 1% of men.

mackenzie013_02 · 2022-06-14T01:07:14+00:00

I dated a guy who was 31 when I was 19 (albeit briefly); we met through work. Once I started University it went downhill pretty fast and we didn’t have anything in common really (in spite of being in the same industry).

Terrible_Traffic5574 · 2022-06-14T04:27:53+00:00

Bold of you to assume men over 30 have 1) any social interaction 2) any status 3) friends 4) any more sexual or dating experience than they did in their 20’s

One_Intention_8695 · 2022-06-14T06:27:20+00:00

This IS much about money and very much about housing crisis + food prices crisis. Also college debt crisis.

No, most women in their 20s don't like to date men in their 30s, let alone 40s, yes it happens, just like nuns exist doesn't mean it's common to be a nun.

Being sexually experienced is not an advantage. This means a man compares your ass to 40 bare asses he's seen (which sounds scary and ruins the intimacy), is emotionally unavaiable and treats women like shit.

No, men don't look better as they age. They look worse. Especially balding ones. There's nothing like a fresh face on a man that says "new, strong and ready to conquer the world with you" instead of "been there, done that". Also it's about health, strength and vitality. When you're in your 30s with a man in his 40s, he can hardly protect you physically if someone attacks you. Also he may have trouble carrying that stroller or running after your kid. He would be less avaiable for skiing trips as well. And his bedroom forces are down at 40.

notsofriendlygirl · 2022-06-14T03:20:51+00:00

Most men do not look good at 30. Most are balding and out of shape.

purplish_possum · 2022-06-14T14:50:23+00:00

The fact is—sorry 20 year old men, 30 year old men are better than you. In fact, if you’re not better at 30 than you were at 20, you’ve wasted a good chunk of your life.

Irrelevant -- and often untrue. More importantly, the journey is often the best part of the trip. Most women (and men) would rather struggle and grow with a contemporary. Shared experiences (good and bad) are how deep connections are formed.

hazysparkle · 2022-06-14T10:05:01+00:00

We already accept that men’s looks don’t fade quickly. Provided you take care of your fitness and keep your hair, you’re probably better looking at 30 to most women. You dress better. You have better taste. You are more knowledgeable and interesting. You have 10 years of social interaction, making you better to be around. You have more status. Your friends are more likely to be great people, not just whoever you met in class. You have more sexual and dating experience. Between you and a 20 year old man, you are the obvious pick.

Non-surprisingly, this is also the case for women. The similarities between the genders far outweigh the differences. "The Wall" definitely exists, for both gender, but is more so used as a coping strategy for inexperienced men.

Pablo_el_Diablo88 · 2022-06-14T10:12:55+00:00

We already accept that men’s looks don’t fade quickly.

That's some bold assumption there.

Catherine772023 · 2022-06-14T13:26:51+00:00

Sometimes a woman happens to meet an older man and falls in love

So many married couples have an over 10 year gap that you would think the “it’s a shockingly large gap” would only be a thing if it’s 20 years or more and they’re not so old even that hardly matters. Or if they’re so young that 10 years would obviously matter.

I know a woman who fell in love with her university teacher (and had had similar age relationships) and dates him when the course ended. But he still didn’t have a car and lived in student accommodation. University teachers don’t always make as much as everyone thinks.

She loved him, married him and had 2 daughters.

Sometimes it’s more about love than people realise.

You’re so right about self improvement though I think everyone should improve themselves.

LeedoLeedoLeedoLoo · 2022-06-14T15:45:10+00:00

As someone in his early 30s you lose libido (like as teenagers boys have uncontrollable amounts of erections) and endurance(I used to last for 3+ hours and have a shorter refraction peridod), higher metabolism (people get fat. Even though I'm around #100 in terms of visits at my local gym, I've gained weight though that's largely due to eating too much, early 20s me would have no trouble with this much food). Plenty of men lose hair as well. Some shave it off and live in places where being bald is socially acceptable but plenty more hide it with a cap. Medical issues also start to rise with age. 30 year olds have far more back pain than 20 year olds. Finally people lose energy as they get older.

Girls who look for older guys for maturity are a farce. They're on average as mature as guys their age. I know plenty of friends from my major who were saving and investing right out of University, living financially within their means, and who saved up for houses in a few years. Meanwhile there are also plenty of women who at their age were up to their eyes in credit card debt with no career.

SouthernGrass3 · 2022-06-14T16:56:57+00:00

A lot of men are better looking at 25 than 18, but the older you get past that point, the more you acquire signs of aging that are going to be off putting to young people and aren’t going to be countered by the positive benefits of age, from the perspective of a young person (in terms of actual attraction). Thus, for the majority of men seeking a women significantly younger, even if she is a lovely person and admires you, she is less likely to have real attraction toward you, than she is toward men her age or a couple years older.

There’s also other reasons why women often like to date men in their general age group, such as it being easier to forge a sustainable bond with people in your same cohort/ stage of life.

I’m not saying to give up at all— but to keep this in mind with dating. There are plenty of late 20s women who will be ok with an attractive early-mid 30s man, but if he tries to date a 23 year old, the odds are really not in his favor.

KillEmWithKindness95 · 2022-06-16T22:46:25+00:00

I’m mid 30s males and this is just a lie for TRP advocates. Most girls in their 20s now think I’m too old for them. The people I know who are married and I know lots are with people +/- 5 years like 80% the rest maybe 2-3 years more. Age gaps above 10 years are not common. If you actually step into reality, this is not true.

SoftAd6291 · 2022-06-17T05:45:47+00:00

I’m 21 dating a 40 year old man. It rocks in every way, in the happiest I’ve ever been

hazysparkle · 2022-06-14T11:37:44+00:00

I’m 24 and a woman.

30+ year old men tend to look worse. If he was fat at 20 and worked out at 30 then yes he will look better. But that’s beside the point. Men look their best imo in their late 20s. Early 30s is a bad argument in regards to how age looks good on men because it’s still young. Men age somewhat better but most men don’t take care of themselves and the difference is highly exaggerated. Highly. Women tend to rate men slightly above or below their own age as most attractive with a sway towards say late 20s. This is I’d say because women aren’t objective and perceive attractiveness based on other things as well. Such as: Older men look attractive because they look like they have mature personalities. I would not be attracted to someone below 20, but that’s not because they look worse than a man at 27 or whatever but because I associate their looks with childish behaviour. If you take the MILF cougar looking only for sex (idk Mrs Robinsson) go for younger guys, that’s also what I know from women in their 30s I know who aren’t all about having a family.

Sexual experience or dating experience is a minus. What is good to a woman is that a man could if he wanted to, N-count is negative.

They are however more mentally mature, commitment ready (younger men commit too but think ”oh but I have time” very often, older men might feel their clock ticking or something) and court more, more social skills, better at ”taking care” of the woman, more money, more willing to provide. But also maybe a bit more ”boring” and less willing to do fun things with her.

In countries with large economic inequality average age gap tends to be higher. I know one woman who is my age and is with a much older guy (24). She might love him and all that but most of her life she was and still is obsessed about advancing her social class.

Dating an older man for a woman is the ultimate beta strategy, which makes it funny that RP:ers seem to think of a relationship in the 20s as a defeat but idealise their supposed desireability at 40.

The most successful relationships with the highest mutual satisfaction are according to science formed between 25 and 30, with partners with a 0-4 year old age gap.

dante42lk · 2022-06-14T00:59:34+00:00

Women like to push the agenda that they're somehow more mature than their peers - right from the start of puberty. Most 20F 30M relationships I've seen is some type of daddy issues coupled with this "I'm a woman, therefore more mature" syndrome. Plus a guy in his 30's has a numerical advantage, even if he's lower in career curve than the younger guy will be - it doesn't matter to her, younger guy still doesn't own a car that's nice or a house older guy inherited/paid in the last 10 years and older guy isn't that old *yet*.
Money/convenience/psychiatric issues.

sarkington · 2022-06-14T00:41:47+00:00

Uh, you do know that young people are horny, impulsive, and impatient?

It’s a pretty tall order; why not let them exhaust/occupy themselves and learn the hard way?

Glittering_Ad_1415 · 2022-06-14T15:07:43+00:00

As a super insecure woman, I only accept early 20’s virgin men. It feels good knowing you’re the best he’s been with. Can’t say that for old men.

EugeneCezanne · 2022-06-14T17:41:15+00:00

"Sara Skentelbery and Darren Fowler (2016) investigated the attachment styles of heterosexual women who date older men.[ii] They note that research reveals a negative view of couples when the age gap between them is significant. They also recognize the commonly held belief that women who date men who are 10 or more years older have unhealthy relationships with their fathers. But is it true? According to their research, the answer is no."

boomershack · 2022-06-14T19:19:21+00:00

I wonder who many women who were dating 30 year olds at 19 are going to be seething at this thread. Popcorn time. My opinion, I do not think that 30 year old Men are better than us 20 year old's. However, women think different, make bad choices then cry about it afterwards.

jayval90 · 2022-06-14T04:42:49+00:00

On the other hand, some women refuse to date men their own age, viewing them as immature and unaccomplished. It takes TIME to grow into your powers as a man—and if you’re not already a natural with women, your experience can only increase slowly.

What ever happened to investing in a young man of your own age and helping him advance his career to the mutual benefit of both and your family? Why should young women get to ask for competence without risk or effort on their part?

The answer is the same reason that men are so unwilling to commit these days. Namely, modern "enlightened" women don't offer much support. They expect you to provide for them and then split half the household chores because of something they read out of Cosmo. To any self-respecting male, this isn't a good deal. Yes they might dance on their heads for sex, but those types aren't going to be settling down with these women anytime soon with any level of commitment.

Yes it's natural that women cross-culturally go after men about 4 years older than them. But honestly, a culture where people marry the same age is a sign of a much healthier dynamic. It's a sign that men and women trust each other enough to grow together and actually match lives together, rather than seeing each other as accessories.

badgersonice · 2022-06-14T12:54:20+00:00

Most of the guys who are single in their 30s are the leftovers, same as the women.

Young women have much better odds of finding a good partner among their young peers, since the good ones haven’t already been mostly removed from the dating pool through marriage. And for the most part, that’s how young women date: the average age gap is 1-3 years. Large age gaps are the exception, and even among those large age gap relationships, most of them are with men who were successful in dating when they were younger, too.

no-304s · 2022-06-14T00:46:09+00:00

Let me explain this for you all. I am in my mid-30s and my girlfriend is 19. I am probably going to propose to her soon so she will be my fiance.

Women in their 20s have a limited pool of guys to date. I am not saying to have sex with. I am saying to date. The quality guys who will commit to the women and be the best hubby ever are already married. There are a small number of Chads who have sex with a lot of women but do not commit to any of them. There is a supply problem of men who are dateable.

Women by their nature want to be with someone who is better than them. Most guys in their 20s are not at that level. Women in their 20s in this day and age make more than men in their 20s in most big cities. Women also do not want to date men who are less romantically experienced than them. Most guys are not experienced in their 20s. That is the minority of Chads who get a lot of women. Guys who get a lot of women in their 20s will not commit to average women. That leaves guys in their 30s.

Before, women did not make the same amount of money as men so they had to date guys that did not make much. Before, women did not have high standards because they got married to who was near them. Now, women have high standards that 20s men do not meet for the most part.

Women know that they are the most beautiful when they are young. They know that they have the most POWER and selection when they are young. The number of suitors dwindles as they get older. This is because the guys that are quality guys get married pretty early to quality girls.

This is also because there are a lot of men that they are writing off. They could not settle for a guy before and now they are incapable of settling. They feel like they waited for so long that they should get someone good now. Even when they hit a wall, they did not settle years ago so why should they settle now? They think that they will find someone eventually. That doesn't happen. They get bitter. They say all the good men are taken. The truth is that they didn't strike the iron when it was hot. Their chances become more remote of ever finding someone.

Then as they get older they cannot settle so they tell themselves they hate men anyway. They never wanted kids anyway. They never wanted a wedding anyway. They say that they get better orgasms from a vibrator. They still try to put themselves out there but are used for their body. They don't want an orgasm, they want someone to cuddle with. Someone to show off to their friends, who are getting married and having baby showers. They want a man to protect them. But they cannot settle so they tell themselves that being alone is better than settling.

Now there are guys who work on themselves in their 20s. These guys didn't get many women. Because they gained success and confidence and became someone in the world, people are drawn to them. Women are drawn to them because women are turned on by powerful and successful men. Men don't care if a woman is successful. Women on the other hand care a lot about a man's status.

In my life, this was true. I was in a very stressful career for my 20s that worked out luckily for me. I got into nutrition in my late 20s and lost over 45 pounds. This made me more attractive.

I dated girls in their late 20s and early 30s but I think college girls are the hottest. I also don't like to date girls with mental issues or baggage from past relationships. So I met my girlfriend who is the most sweet and beautiful soul and I will marry her.

NorCal_Classy_BBC · 2022-06-14T02:30:36+00:00

I met a girl who was 29.5. I was 50.

At 54, my new girlfriend was 24.

I've dated women close to or even over my age and yes the maturity and financial security they bring to the table is fine. But they are used up and jaded from too many men, marriages, break ups, fwb's, eff boys, etc. I have my own money and need nothing from a woman.

The young girls have different problems but they aren't as jaded. They're willing to be vulnerable. They appreciate a gentleman and don't have insane body counts and men to compare me to. The younger was a virgin. For me, she is refreshing.

Johnny_Autism · 2022-06-14T17:31:43+00:00

the discourse around age-gap relationships on reddit is entirely reminiscent of that around gay couples in the 1980s. Homophobes believed that no one could really be gay without being used, abused or fucked up mentally in some way or another and since many straights saw gay as "gross and icky" they tried to rationalize their personal disapproval of it by ascribing immoral motives behind it where young men were believed to be groomed into the "lifestyle" at some point by an older homosexual predator.

jazzlikeAstronaut7 · 2022-06-14T18:29:31+00:00

I 100% agree with this. Men my age or younger are very emotionally immature, conversationally shallow, smaller in size, and socially weird. They don't have the tacit knowledge of life to make a woman feel secure. It feels like I'm just hanging out with a friend. I've dated guys my age who had way more money than me and it didn't help or make me feel better. I'd rather drive in a Honda with an older man than in a Benz with a guy my age lol .

PlayfulLawyer · 2022-06-14T03:13:45+00:00

I'm thirty-six, wife is 23 both of our birthdays are in October so there's pretty much exactly 13 years age difference, as I always say on here men look at women as sex objects women look at men as success objects, more often than not a guy is going to be in his overall Prime, granted he doesn't fuck everything up, from about 27 to his early forties give or take a a couple years.

So as much as I would have loved to have been a millionaire at eighteen 421, as an overall package I'm definitely a better version of myself oh, I'm not going to just put a blanket statement and use the terminology of me being better or older guys being better than 20 year old guys generally speaking, I'll just say, to quote a character from a franchise That I Used to Love, "much to learn you still have" lol

And to all the men out there, there's numerous examples of when a woman still has the options she'll go younger when it comes to men as well so don't let their attempted shaming language get to you, if they try to say it's "creepy" that just comes from a place of bitterness

back_in_blyat · 2022-06-14T01:35:38+00:00

This. I'm 28 and my girlfriend/soon to be fiancé just turned 21. You want a beautiful young girl with an N count between 0-2 who isn't going to cheat on you and doesn't have social media or batshit insane political views? You better check all her "dream guy" boxes off if you want a girl that checks yours, and I guarantee any man here at 22 didn't have the worldliness, talents, or especially the financial security and discernible vision for the future women admire

hear4comments · 2022-06-14T09:27:42+00:00

I’ll tell my Boys. Women your age are not for you. OP is right. A 23 year old man who wants to date with intent stands no chance against a 30+ year old looking for the same thing. Not unless he’s got striking physical features or is the rare young man with exceptional resources. and if that’s the case. It’s rare that those types are looking to settle down at such a young age.

Girls will say the whole “ewww old men are creepy I wouldn’t date them” but their actions speak a different story. I don’t see 30+ Hurting for female attention in the least bit. Ya’ll just out here getting approached by the 30+ men that never had success with how to deal with Women because… who the heck In their right mind are approaching women with a creepy Vibe? Men who know how to deal with women correctly and respectfully know what’s creepy.

If a woman still wants fun and some drama. Of course date in your age range because that’s what you’ll get. When they’re done with that and are wanting someone who knows what they’re looking for in a woman. You go older because it’s rare that a Man so young has those same intentions.

Smitten_Squire · 2022-06-14T00:49:34+00:00

Imo if everyones 18+, and the difference is less than 10 years between you, i dont even consider that a "age gap". 20 and 30 are so close.

SaucySascha · 2022-06-14T21:54:28+00:00

This is mostly horseshit. Sorry. As you get older, the women finding you attractive will also get older mostly. Younger men do better with younger women. If you are into 17-19 year old women, you are better off being 20-28 than 30+.

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TaKaZT · 2022-06-14T18:37:23+00:00

Meh.

Title	Age Gap Relationships
Author	EugeneCezanne
Upvotes	44
Comments	451
Date	June 14, 2022 12:34 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/vbqu08/age_gap_relationships/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/age-gap-relationships.1116089 https://theredarchive.com/post/1116089

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