Libido drop following childbirth

flamingoinghome · 2021-10-06T20:24:14+00:00

I mean, how new a mother are we talking? If the child is less than six months old, wait for her to initiate (and offer to do a few late night feedings yourself). After that, just see a doctor. Like, childbirth does a lot to a body. TRP likes to pretend that human bodies never do anything weird, that the mind controls all. This is false. Some people have hormone imbalances and shit, and the obvious solution is a medical one.

Homebrand_Exercise · 2021-10-06T16:30:35+00:00

If we are specifically talking about low libido after childbirth then I need to ask at what point does that become a problem. How long is too long?

Health professionals will suggest that sex should not happen until at least 6 weeks following birth, assuming there is no complications such as a c-section or tearing. If there is complications such as tearing then sex could potentially cause bleeding and further prolong recovery.

Low libido after birth could also be contributed to general tiredness and exhaustion since newborns are very time consuming. Combine looking after a newborn and recovering from childbirth it shouldn't surprise people that most women would not be in the mood for sex.

Again if we are just focusing on low libido right after childbirth then there should be the expectation that sex isn't going to happen for the first few weeks at least while the woman recovers and both parents are adapting to a newborn.

If libido takes a long time, to the point where it may never return then that's when you need to communicate, suggest seeking help from a healthcare provider or therapy. Don't be ready to jump on the breakup/divorce bandwagon straight away.

chilikettlechips · 2021-10-06T18:37:32+00:00

I reckon the devil is in the details. It's timing or how long. It's like when a woman wants to wait for a man to be invested emotionally, financially, time, effort etc before having sex with him. How long does this lucky guy get to wait?

So with the post partum deal, again, "how long?" And there's no size fits all solution to this. What if there's tears, what if there's depression, what if there's prolapses, what if there's a death, what if she can't have sex again?

When people want to marry young, 20-30s, finding out your partner's libido has permanently changed seems like a challenge, and that's an understatement. Afterall, the new deal is only for life, right?

qclady · 2021-10-06T16:00:09+00:00

Neither of us were feeling frisky while adapting to newborns so it wasn’t an issue in my house. Once things settled down, we carried on as usual.

DreamsOfWishes · 2021-10-06T19:26:18+00:00

If the answer is no, then what's a reasonable expectation following a big event for libido to come back? 3 months? 6 months? 9 months? A year? Longer?

If it's after childbirth, then you have to wait a minimum of 6 weeks after childbirth before having sex so that your wife doesn't get sick with an infection (so it doesn't have shit to do with pain or being able too) and that you probably aren't having sex 6 weeks before due to the belly and pressure on the bladder.

For childbirth...3 months is the starting point. That's the minimum. That's being lucky.

And the studies are... Pretty damn clear about what the average time of not having sex is with a baby. And you are going to hate it... because it's longer.

2 years.

2 years is the average. And if you think about it logically, that makes sense. It sounds absolutely horrifying for people that desire daily sex, but it makes sense.

A lot of women have discomfert with having sex starting at the start of the 3rd trimester. So we have 3 months of no sex, before the baby even arrived.

Then you have the labor and the healing. 6 weeks is the prescribed minimum, but think about it. That's a watermelon sized baby that came out of her fun zone. Would you have enough with 6 weeks of healing???? Also you just got a baby. She's probably a bit more focussed on that new baby then on sex. So let's add another 3 months, now we're at 6 months.

After 3 months however... people start going back to work. Now you have to manage your schedule AND having a baby. Who the fuck is thinking about sex when they're trying to combine taking care of a baby and work. Even if you don't go back to work, that baby is waking up every couple of hours, you are TIRED. You are dreaming about sleeeeep, not sex. So let's add another 3 months for the average time a baby takes to sleep through the night. Now we're at 9months..

Baby starts sleeping well. You can start having a good night rest again. THINK AGAIN!!! Baby starts getting teeth. They're in pain AND YOU ARE TOO cuz that baby keeps crying and crying and being upset. Add another 3 months. Now we're at 1 year.

Wanna have sex now? Dude...no you don't. You just had 9 months of bad fucking sleep and a cranky baby. Of getting woken up every couple of hours. Of taking care of a baby and working WHILE having the least sleep you ever had in your damn life. You need to physically recover from this. Add another 6 months (because you are underestimating the damage that a year of bad sleep does to you). Now we're at 1,5 year of no sex.

Can you have sex now? Yeah. Yes you can. You Will enjoy it. Your wife will enjoy it. There's no reason not to start having sex again.

Here's the thing though, you just spend 1,5year of developping a routine without sex and... It needs to get jumpstarted again. It's not as normal as "I feel a desire, ima ask my hubby" anymore. You start questioning yourself, doubting yourself, go look at the negative thoughts on deadbedroom sub. And you will need to get out of that. Someone is going to need to start to make the first move, some negative feelings concerning the lack of sex might have to be discussed, yada yada. Yeah another 6 months. Even though YOU ABSOLUTELY have no more physically or baby related reasons to not have sex anymore. You could have sex NOW. But...Humans being Humans.

So yeah. An average of 2 years. As study after study shows.

And whether it's fair or not: this is the norm. This is the average. If you have a baby, this is probably going to happen. And you can't argue your way out of sleep deprivation. That shit gets used as a torture tactic. You are more likely to get a crying breaking down wife then sex.

And it can even be worse. This is just the average. There's women who can't have sex for the entire duration of their pregnancy for instance. I didn't even include post-partum depression.

Babies...are bad for your sex life. The end.

FrivolousMood · 2021-10-07T00:03:12+00:00

A sexless marriage is unsustainable. No wife should have unwanted sex, but no husband should have unwanted celibacy. If she does not want it, the only options are open the marriage or divorce.

AquaChip · 2021-10-06T15:57:10+00:00

The men in the comments saying they can’t go 6 weeks post partum without sex are the same men who blame women for the degradation of monogamous marriages. Make it make sense.

If being without sex because your SO physically can not have it makes you want to cheat you don’t need to be married. These are the type of men who cheat on their wives who have cancer.

Before you marry someone please think long and hard about how you would react if you were in a situation where you had to take care of them, nurse them, bath them, go without sex with them for a long period of time. If you don’t think you can do that for them then you don’t need to be with that person.

IHaveSalesQuestions · 2021-10-06T15:44:53+00:00

Listen, postpartum is real so don’t have a kid with a chick you don’t really care about. You might have to suck it up for a bit because things could get real after you have a kid.

But, while a woman can be just fine with never having sex again after a baby, a man can be just fine saying fuck that noise and leaving. A man doesn’t owe a woman anything. He doesn’t belong to her. If she doesn’t want to have sex again, find someone who is willing to go along with that.

So, divorce/breaking up, finding the desire again, or misery. Those are the three options. This idea that only women can have needs is ludicrous.

Holler4Heller · 2021-10-06T23:35:22+00:00

A drop in libido is largely short hand for the more monstrous problem of a drop in affection

Radiant_Bliss · 2021-10-06T19:59:43+00:00

Libido and mutual sexual attraction are certainly not the only pillars of successful romantic relationships, but still are absolutely vital ones.

Boondoggie7777 · 2021-10-06T23:24:10+00:00

They should openly discuss their physical desires/needs. There are many alternatives to penetrative sex. For example, they can touch, play, fantasize, etc. Involving another person could also be an option in the right circumstances.

But the main goal should be to keep building a loving and trusting home for both partners and the children. Actions that go against this goal shouldn't be considered.

CentralAdmin · 2021-10-06T23:43:29+00:00

Is it reasonable for men to live through a sexless marriage?

No, of course not. But what you are talking about is not a dip after child birth. This is sexlessness in a marriage. Most women do go off sex in a LTR because their libidos are lower than men's. Many men are doomed to a life of sexual starvation unless they are gay. If she dead bedrooms you, leave or make an alternate arrangement.

If the answer is no, then what's a reasonable expectation following a big event for libido to come back? 3 months? 6 months? 9 months? A year? Longer?

This is contextual. If it is a medical issue she may need more time. But after child birth, 2 months isn't so bad. 6 months is too long. You and the wife can communicate and find some time to bury the bone...you both should want it again.

What options would you consider if libido never returned?

Communicate your needs first. If it causes problems, leave.

Would opening up the marriage and letting him sleep with other women be a reasonable solution?

It would if she is never interested in sex again. But if she thinks this is a problem, she needs to find a solution in her marriage first. She cannot have him be sex starved while he has to continue to produce and labour for her. If she wants his commitment and resources, she needs to suck it up and...suck it up. If she can't she needs to be okay with him getting it elsewhere.

Or perhaps the relationship should just end? Does having kids complicate the situation?

Yes the relationship can end but kids do make things complicated. Women can hold men hostage here. They can deny their partners sex, increase their demands and threaten to take his kids from him. He may also want his kids to grow up with mom and dad together for stability. It is difficult because women assume that if they can go off sex their partners should be willing to as well. This is solipsism at its finest.

If this is the case the man must make a decision for his wellbeing. He cannot live in a loveless, sexless marriage. If it means breaking up his family, so be it. Women initiate most divorces anyway and they have no problems breaking up their families by making decisions for themselves.

Is TRP advice best suited for solving these problems? Is this simply a question of attraction? Should men get down the gym the second the baby is born? Is it about maintaining frame?

Maybe dread could work. Maybe staying in shape could help maintain attraction. But these wives then cannot be fat slobs with no sexual desire. They also need to be in shape. Men are far more forgiving of women's imperfections so it is shitty of women to expect their men to be in peak physical condition to have sex. That being said, a lazy man cannot complain if his wife doesn't want him. They both need to work at keeping their sex lives going.

Or is mainstream blue pill advice ideal? Can these problems be solved with lots and lots and lots of communication?

Communication is a useful tool for setting expectations so no one is caught with their pants down. But actions are more important. Is she flirting with him throughout the day? Is he touching her in a sexual manner and is she receptive? Does she talk about getting back on the horse...so to speak?

I knew of a couple that tried the communication strategy after her libido died after having kids. It didn't work. They went to counselling. She agreed to have sex at the counselling session. On the way home she would be less enthusiastic. At home she said no. This happened a few times over months He was very frustrated and cheated on his wife.

If a woman doesn't want to lose her marriage but doesn't want to fuck her husband, she doesn't get to claim the moral high ground when he cheats. If she wants the benefits of the marriage without the intimacy, he should get the benefits while having the option to have sex elsewhere. Women don't want to talk about this nor do they like the idea, but they are pissed off when men fuck them without committing or leave them as single moms.

And which woman looks forward to a sexless marriage anyway? This isn't ideal for any party.

What advice would you give to a friend of yours in this situation?

Leave. If he cannot get it elsewhere with the wife's blessing (because then he knows she still loves him) then leave. Your children will be fine as long as mom isn't a vindictive bitch. But imagine spending 10, 20 or 40 years as an incel INSIDE a marriage.

Lauracurieuse · 2021-10-06T23:55:46+00:00

The first two years are difficult I ‘m not gonna lied. But never wanted sex for the rest of her life? I highly doubt it. I personally found that I needed sex in order to feel link with my partner even after the babies were born.

Never after seems like there’s other issues that need to be adresse. Communication is sometimes difficult so seeking the help of a therapist would be my advice. At least, you don’t throw away the relationship and the kids before trying to make things work.

LaPrimaVera · 2021-10-07T01:04:49+00:00

Is it reasonable for men to live through a sexless marriage?

Not if its permanent.

If the answer is no, then what's a reasonable expectation following a big event for libido to come back? 3 months? 6 months? 9 months? A year? Longer?

Depends on the situation and what each person's needs are. In the case of children both parties should be aware that sex will be off the table for at least as long as it takes for the woman to heal. Then again its not fair to make someone wait indefinitely or for an excessive amount of time. For example when I had surgery I couldn't have sex for a month after, my partner copped it because he loves me and isn't going to do something that puts my health at risk, if I was okay after a month but refused to have sex for 6 months that's a big change to the terms of the relationship and its not fair to expect that.

What options would you consider if libido never returned? Would opening up the marriage and letting him sleep with other women be a reasonable solution? Or perhaps the relationship should just end? Does having kids complicate the situation?

Neither my partner or I would ever be okay with an open relationship. My opinion is duty sex. He says do everything possible to save the relationship.

Is TRP advice best suited for solving these problems? Is this simply a question of attraction? Should men get down the gym the second the baby is born? Is it about maintaining frame?

If the man is out of shape then hitting the gym might help, the woman hitting the gym will probably help more. I think there is a lot you can do to bring back your libido and people who write it off are being defeatist.

Or is mainstream blue pill advice ideal? Can these problems be solved with lots and lots and lots of communication

I mean you should communicate with your partner about this stuff, but talking isn't going to bring back your sex drive.

Bara-enthusiast · 2021-10-07T05:19:50+00:00

I think the sex thing is a symptom of the issue, not the whole issue.

I have seen way too much men share that it's not just the libido that's dropped and that usually after birth they get way less affection if not hostility and often say they don't feel lived anymore

Zombombaby · 2021-10-06T18:57:58+00:00

Honestly, my libido slowed after having a baby but my husband is a great father and provider. He helps out, make an effort to actively be involved in parenting decision and I can fully say he's an equal partner in every aspect. I don't feel overwhelmed, touched out and exhausted every night because he's there to shoulder half the load. I've never turned him down (except for medical reasons) for sex after our child was born 2 years ago. And it's attractive af to see your husband be a great parent.

Most of the women complaining about being harassed for sex also complain equally about being overwhelmed and exhausted while their husbands think whipping out their dick is foreplay. Noone owes anyone sex, yes, but sexual coercion is also the other side of the spectrum on that.

In the end, relationships are work. When you get married/commit to having kids you're committing to the lifestyle that comes with that including sacrifices. I have a higher libido and it's never been an excuse to quit the marriage or cheat, so why shouldn't it be the same for men?

redheadbeauty15 · 2021-10-06T16:14:14+00:00

I think a year at least following a big event would be what I would expect in the effort of someone who really loves the other person. There is nothing more irritating to me about a man who's biggest concern is when they can have sex again after their partner has gone through something like childbirth or a major surgery. Men who cheat on their post baby wife because she looks different and does not spring back right away are horrid and they never loved her in the first place.

A sexless marriage being reasonable would have to come down to the couple, in my opinion no it is not but the time frame and consideration for why is important. If the Individuals can not do it , I think the only solution is an end to the marriage especially now in times where couples are not entirely tethered together by social expectations.

It all comes down to what the relationship strength was before the event and how they respond to it. Showing a woman you don't care about her will make her resent you deeply if she has self esteem. It's a horrible betrayal.

lady_ven0m · 2021-10-06T16:16:33+00:00

I think if libido hasn’t returned after a year something is wrong. She may be exhausted, so maybe don’t expect it to return to what it used to be before having a child. If that is ruled out and any medical issues are ruled out, and libido has not returned, then I think splitting up is the only option. Sex is important in a relationship, but it should never be forced. Both parties should go their separate ways if it’s not fixable.

WilliamWyattD · 2021-10-06T16:06:52+00:00

Again, all this entitlement language is totally unhelpful for the big picture. Yes, in certain cases, entitlement can be a problem. But it doesn't help in understanding the bigger picture. That is more about expectations of what is normal, etc.

I honestly think that as long as a woman is trying, up to a year of no sex should be fine. Look at all the men who have had long dry spells or years and survive. So men have to radically readjust how long they think they can go without sex and be fine.

But yeah, if a woman has basically said sex is permanently off the table and doesn't want to try, that is grounds for divorce for sure.

SuperSupremeKai · 2021-10-06T17:05:17+00:00

Reasonable is a stretch, but it can happen and happens a lot. Men who care about their SO and their children might have to suck it up.
Depends. Biology, current situation, stress, work, fatigue... it has many factors. It can be right after, it can be a decade after! (Extremely unlikely)
Pretty sure no woman would ever want to open her relationship if she doesn't want to have sex with her husband anymore. That's the reason why so many married men are in r/DeadBedrooms
Could be, but that might also apply to her too. Did she put on some extra pounds? Then she might not feel as sexy and might put her off. To visible a stretch mark? That's another reason. Some women, despite their husbands' full praise and compliments, don't want to show them their bodies at all.
Possible, but hardheaded, stubborn and selfish people exist, so it will not always work.
Advice? Suck it up. You're in it for the long haul now. Either that, or prepare yourself for the inevitable divorce/breakup.

dat_db_doe · 2021-10-06T21:35:11+00:00

Is it reasonable for men to live through a sexless marriage?

In the end, it's up to the man to decide what he's willing to tolerate. But for me, no, I would not find it reasonable to live through a sexless marriage.

what's a reasonable expectation following a big event for libido to come back

It depends on the "big event". If we're talking something as serious as childbirth, then I would probably allow for about 2 years, give or take. If it was something less serious, like an unexpected lay off, then I'd give it maybe a few months before I'd want to have a serious discussion about things.

What options would you consider if libido never returned?

I would probably just leave, but I would consider an open marriage if my partner was 100% on board with it.

Is TRP advice best suited for solving these problems?

I would say the best advice is to get to the root of why the woman lost her desire to have sex. Is it a physical thing? Loss of attraction? Relationship problems??

Can these problems be solved with lots and lots and lots of communication?

Communications is important, but it's not the end all be all that some people think it is. If it's a matter of attraction, then communicating more isn't going to do a damn thing. However, if the loss of desire is related to relationship issues, then communication can help.

Ok_Razzmatazz_1751 · 2021-10-07T01:32:55+00:00

After having children and listening to them cry , they are kind of their own form of birth control aka sex repellent, if that makes sense. Literally every simple task that you took for granted before having a child changes, taking a shower ,going to the bathroom ,preparing food , grocery store outings etc . Everything becomes a major ordeal , and must be methodically planned out lol 😂

Definitely waiting the 6 weeks like the doctor says is very important so that way the woman is fully healed , then you should bounce back to a pretty normal routine if you don't have postpartum depression , or have the baby sleeping in the same room as you. Also if you have a colic baby ,or any special needs babies , you probably won't have sex for months if not more than a year. Have a ton of empathy for people that have babies with major medical issues .

Ian_Campbell · 2021-10-07T06:04:35+00:00

It is expected these men do things they don't wanna do, like work a harder job that pays better, for the wife.

You can't expect it to always work out if you don't make someone happy and you are determined not to, and that goes to men and women. Men don't always wanna fuck their wives either and that can ruin a marriage just the same.

FatPam007 · 2021-10-07T08:56:54+00:00

This makes me really mad. Men want to have children. Once they have them, then expect their wives to want to have sex Everytime they want without being empathetic about the physical state of the woman. SHE LITERALLY GAVE BIRTH. You can't expect to have sex with her right away. Some women even bleed for months after giving birth. They lack complete empathy. You have to be a total asshole to get sex someone else just because the woman that gave birth to your children is not feeling physically well to have sex. This is the reason I won't have children with a dude.

Siukslinis_acc · 2021-10-06T16:25:15+00:00

Is it reasonable for men to live through a sexless marriage?

If the marriage is not based on the agreement of both parties that there wil be no sex, then probably no (and by sexless I mean no sex during the marriage and not how people here tend to say that 1 year of no sex is sexless).

If the answer is no, then what's a reasonable expectation following a big event for libido to come back? 3 months? 6 months? 9 months? A year? Longer?

Probably when the chaos of the big event receeds and the situation calms down. The time depends on the situation. In case of a baby it probably would be when the baby allows the parents to have a full-nights sleep (vaires by baby).

What options would you consider if libido never returned? Would opening up the marriage and letting him sleep with other women be a reasonable solution? Or perhaps the relationship should just end? Does having kids complicate the situation?

Sex toys? Masturbation? In this theoretical situation I would allow fucking other people ( as long as he uses condoms (or uses other means to not impregnate the woman), doesn't get STD's from that, doesn't fall in love with the other woman and still stays with me and loves me.

Should men get down the gym the second the baby is born?

I think the man should help with the baby, so that the woman could get some rest. An exhausted woman will not want to have sex no matter how you look as she is just thinking about falling into bed and sleeping. The man could even try to get the woman out of the house for a few days (make her go to her (or even his) parents, visit her firends or get a room in a hotel) so that she could get some sleep undisturbed by the baby.

Can these problems be solved with lots and lots and lots of communication?

Yes. You might find out that she is just too exhausted for sex, that it started to give her pain, that her schedule is so buisy that there is no time in it ofr sex or something else. She might realise how important sex is to you or realise that her libido changed. You both might come to a solution that would satisfy both parties.

SonicBackScratcher · 2021-10-06T15:48:00+00:00

Went through a little of this myself. Luckily my wife gave a shit enough about it to work on it, took a while to find the cause for her (low T) but she was willing to work it out with me, try things, and while we had ups and downs it wasn't horrible sexlessness.

The issue is when women do the "I don't want sex, so thats that, live with it.".

If they care about their husband, they will try to figure out whats different and if they can fix it. Maybe they can't but had my wife did the "It is what it is, deal with it" we'd be divorced.

sernamedeleted · 2021-10-06T18:00:11+00:00

Interesting information:

The Old Testament prohibits sex for 40 to 80 days after childbirth.

Az_Ams · 2021-10-06T17:48:22+00:00

No. If a man wants non-stop sex he better be childfree. Kids are always going to be in the way, one or another (postpartum depression, sleeplessness, tiredness, increased amount of chores and concerns, just physically unable to find enough alone time for a fuck)

Blackheart201992 · 2021-10-06T19:30:18+00:00

Their libido didn't drop, it was nonexistent to begin with - they wanted a child, now they got it, no further need to engage in intercourse.

ReindeerKitchen872 · 2021-10-06T15:56:47+00:00

Yeh it can drop, it's completely understandable too so many things change.

Its just part of being in a loving long term relationship with someone.

It shouldn't matter if she takes 10 weeks or ten years. It isn't an excuse to do the dirty.

If you aren't happy leave. Easy peasy.

welcometothejl · 2021-10-06T19:18:27+00:00

Men shouldn't be entitled to a woman's body, but women shouldn't be entitled to a man's money. It's as easy as that. Change the laws and fix the problem.

The-Wizard-of-Oz- · 2021-10-07T02:54:10+00:00

TRP Advice: Don't f*cking marry.

Lameador · 2021-10-07T12:12:20+00:00

Past a few weeks, this is where professional help can help things. Not sessions with a therapist, just sessions with a pro

billsull_02842 · 2021-10-09T03:02:57+00:00

it could be Gods way of saying that people are not suppose to be using sex against reproduction. the low libido may be going against the use of sex which by natures wiring shouldnt involve contraception and giving her body a rest from being impregnated again.

Megabyte7637 · 2021-10-06T18:27:14+00:00

Oh wow

Lateralanouncer · 2021-10-06T22:55:53+00:00

Half of the social issues would be fixed if men cheating or Polly was acceptable.

miketrance · 2021-10-07T01:29:36+00:00

Sex doesn't have to be a part of the marriage but no one needs to stay in that marriage either. If my wife doesn't want to have sex with me it's my right to find someone else who does.

whybotherany · 2021-10-06T17:28:34+00:00

This is why I’m poly. I only have sex when I feel like it, and if my partner is horny when I’m not he can hit up his other girlfriend. Everybody wins.

wtknight · 2021-10-06T15:47:20+00:00

Men like sex. Maybe if she let him have sex with a different woman then he wouldn’t “throw everything away”? No, it’s not reasonable for a man to have to live through a sexless marriage, or a woman either if a man loses his libido.

PlayfulLawyer · 2021-10-06T16:44:17+00:00

It makes sense, so glad my girl can't get pregnant😂

sosayeth · 2021-10-06T18:26:43+00:00

There appears to be a conflict of interest between some women who love the relationship but are content never having sex again and men who feel like they need sex in a marriage.

Just a small correction here. The woman in this scenario doesn't "love the relationship." She loves the baby... and the stability. If she expects her husband to fulfill his end of the bargain, but renegotiates her part - on her own - to his detriment, she's a terrible bitch, just like the husband from this post (if true) is a terrible asshole.

Laytheblameonluck · 2021-10-06T19:11:34+00:00

The problem is women are more sexual with other guys before women settle down and choose to have other needs met, and this coincidences with loss of their libido.

Guys don't want those relationships and for good reason.

It happens generally because, since the pill, women have Madonna-Whore complexes with men now, that's more often the true cause of loss of libido, and men are being gas lighted by women, because women blame men for this - women project their own Madonna-Whore complex onto men and you see it in their language and literature, how men are judged by their dicks and their dick skills, how literature portrays men in books like 50 shades of grey... etc

upalse · 2021-10-06T17:52:49+00:00

Is it reasonable for men to live through a sexless marriage?

Yes, but only if the betabuxing stops, otherwise it will disintegrate due to resentment. You're essentially glorified friends now, and the pussy spell that fuels male emotional over-investment is gone.

waiting timeline

Doesn't really matter if there's still libido for other men, ie the "libido loss" is not what happens in most DBR. It's attraction loss, sometimes mutual (she's not attracted to him anymore, AND a landwhale now). So just make few attempts to restore the spark, not just sit and wait kicking the can, leaving underlying cause untouched.

opening up the marriage

It's fine, but same caveats as sexless. One must be super careful about growing resentment.

LoomisKnows · 2021-10-06T21:47:18+00:00

I've never understood why it is so hard to have sex with your S.O even if you aren't super in the mood. Just tell em it's a quickie? It's not... difficult? Like sure you gotta pee and hop in the shower but that's not a major inconvenience

grandmapurp · 2021-10-07T04:04:52+00:00

My ex wife was horny af during pregnancy and after childbirth for both kids because her hormones were going crazy. Both were c-section though.

Women here are the biggest perpetrators of AWALT. Most women simply cannot understand that all women aren't the same. I find this especially true in sexual discussions. Women think that how her body works is how all women's bodies work. They have no idea.

xFallacyx69 · 2021-10-06T18:12:55+00:00

I mean it depends on how she communicates why she doesn’t want to have sex. If she blames it on chores or other shit… it’s probably going to continue to spiral. Now I get that chores are now increased, but I’m talking she feels fine physically but is just stressed and chalks it up to “fuck it I’ll tell him he’s not doing enough chores cuz I don’t want to have sex”…. Prob not the best path forward. Figure out why you don’t want to have sex, and fix it if you can. If you can’t fix it or don’t want to put in the effort to…. We’ll should you two really be together?

abaxeron · 2021-10-06T18:31:35+00:00

to which the male response appears to be "No one is entitled to a woman's body, but she is not entitled to a relationship."

It's absolutely clear that it was ironic response to a fembot NPC who saw a commenter saying "Sex absolutely is a reasonable expectation from your life partner, from time to time at least." and auto-responded "BEEP BOOP YOU ARE NOT ENTITLED TO A WOMAN'S BODY EVER".

The "RESPONSE" you present as "the male response" was made by anonymous user with blank avatar whose history consists of this single comment, and there's no indication that this anonymous user is/was male. This is the textbook argument in bad faith.

To the Guardian article itself,

and prove to myself and whoever followed me on Instagram that Dustin and I were still as in love as ever?

The story is entirely fictional and does not deserve consideration.

To the questions:

What advice would you give to a friend of yours in this situation?

"Keep your man's dick moisturized. Come up with the ways if the main way doesn't work." Although if the woman went through pregnancy and complains that her man still finds her sexually attractive, maybe her problem is deeper than what can be fixed with an advice.

What options would you consider if libido never returned?

Libido does not matter. The problem is not that young mothers start feeling less sexual with their men after giving birth; the problem is that they (often, not all) start treating their husbands, fathers of their children, as average-looking complete strangers. I.e. with an unhealthy mix of disdain, disgust, and fear.

BioStu · 2021-10-06T18:58:11+00:00

Who gives a shit? She can starfish it like so many other women do.

Aldabruzzo · 2021-10-06T16:06:34+00:00

This is all because I pointed out, rightly, that TRP is not talking about leaving wives who can't have sex because of episiotomy repairs or c-section surgical repairs. Let's say it loud: No one is talking about leaving new mothers because those new mothers are medically barred from having sex. NO ONE AT TRP IS SAYING THAT OR HAS EVER SAID THAT.

OK? We good?

Is it reasonable for men to live through a sexless marriage?

Up to the individual man. For me, it's no.

If the answer is no, then what's a reasonable expectation following a big event for libido to come back? 3 months? 6 months? 9 months? A year? Longer?

Absolutely not more than 3 months. Most women are cleared for sex 8 weeks post-childbirth.

I don't believe in low libido, and I don't believe in the alleged "science" that talks about it. Women's low libido is always lack of sexual attraction. "low libido" just means lack of attraction for a particular man. No one ever talks about "low libido" in healthy young women. It is NOT NORMAL for a woman under 40 to not want to fuck attractive men. So if she doesn't want to fuck you, it's because she's not attracted to you. If she doesn't want to fuck her husband, it's because she's not sexually attracted to him. Let's take that alleged "low libido" woman and put her next to the celebrity of her choice, and, uh, yeah. Sure. Let's find out just how "low libido" she really is.

If a woman doesn't want to fuck a guy, it's because she doesn't want to fuck THAT GUY. It's not low appetite for sex. It's low appetite for sex WITH THAT MAN. So if she doesn't want to fuck me after 3 months, it's not hormones and it's not "low libido" and it's not doctor's orders. Bullshit. It's lack of sexual attraction.

What options would you consider if libido never returned? Would opening up the marriage and letting him sleep with other women be a reasonable solution? Or perhaps the relationship should just end? Does having kids complicate the situation?

Yes, both of those are reasonable solutions. Yes, kids complicates the situation immeasurably.

Is TRP advice best suited for solving these problems?

By far the best advice.

Is this simply a question of attraction?

Always.

Should men get down the gym the second the baby is born? Is it about maintaining frame?

Yes, and yes. Many times, it's about her lack of attraction because she never was attracted in the first place, and for sure is much less attracted to the man who committed to her than she is to the men she used to fuck before she met him.

Or is mainstream blue pill advice ideal? Can these problems be solved with lots and lots and lots of communication?

"Communication" makes it way worse. Blue pill advice will never ever work, for anything.

Or something else? What advice would you give to a friend of yours in this situation?

She gets no more than 3 months. After that, she needs to turn the sex spigot back on, or there will be major, major problems. She needs to fix the lack of sex, pronto.

gimpgirl555 · 2021-10-06T15:54:14+00:00

I had sex with my man a few days after I gave birth last time. There is no excuse.

If a woman doesn't put out ASAP after the birth the man needs to leave.

Also men with kids are entitled to more sex/different sex acts to compensate for putting up with a mom-bod.

Remember Kings: there are millions of younger and hotter women who would have sex with you.

Liberal_On_Guns · 2021-10-06T16:57:30+00:00

Is it reasonable for men to live through a sexless marriage?

Depends on the guy. A man willing to tolerate a sexless marriage deserves one.

If the answer is no, then what's a reasonable expectation following a big event for libido to come back? 3 months? 6 months? 9 months? A year? Longer?

Preferably enough time to heal and diet/exercise away the baby weight. Also, let's say you don't want sex as a woman and you expect your man to be a slave to your stubborn libido. You can't enthusiastically blow the guy? Why would a self-respecting man ever marry a woman that doesn't enjoy blowing him?

What options would you consider if libido never returned? Would opening up the marriage and letting him sleep with other women be a reasonable solution?

I find it hard to believe that a woman's libido would "never" return. That just means she doesn't wanna fuck you anymore for various reasons. But yeah, that's a consideration if she wants to keep the relationship.

Is this simply a question of attraction?

I would say arousal.

Should men get down the gym the second the baby is born?

Neither the man nor the woman should have stopped going to the gym, except when she is at the "literally about to pop" stage of the third trimester. Even then, many women still do a minimal amount of physical activity. Hell, my wife literally went into labor hours after initiating sex with me.

Is it about maintaining frame?

Absolutely.

Or is mainstream blue pill advice ideal? Can these problems be solved with lots and lots and lots of communication?

Communication is important, and the bluepilled don't have a monopoly on effective communication. That being said, bluepill advice is never ideal.

Or something else? What advice would you give to a friend of yours in this situation?

I would first rule out anything my friend might have done to inhibit her arousal toward him, or if there is another man she's interested in. Then, get her labs done just to see where her hormones are at. Shouldn't just take her word for it, even if she sincerely believes its a hormonal problem. Typically, getting back into a healthy, active lifestyle (which she shouldn't have deviated from) should fix libido problems. My wife is friends with a bunch of young moms and they gossip about this stuff all the time. Never once heard of this inexplicably disappearing libido.

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Title	Libido drop following childbirth
Author	343_peaches_and_tea
Upvotes	72
Comments	341
Date	October 6, 2021 3:34 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/q2mxj9/libido_drop_following_childbirth/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/libido-drop-following-childbirth.1077045 https://theredarchive.com/post/1077045

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