Why are You on this Sub if You Never Dated?

Notanothrshitthrow · 2023-11-06T13:44:26+00:00

I've dated and not on the red/blackpill side whatsoever, but the answer is pretty damn clear:

Those who care the most about discussing a certain plight will always be the ones who feel they are affected by that plight.

wtknight · 2023-11-06T15:11:54+00:00

The complaints about those who have never dated usually involve the difficulty of trying to date, which is something that is certainly on topic for this sub.

EveningEveryman · 2023-11-06T15:05:12+00:00

"why are you complaining about the economy if you've never owned a house?" Anyways I did have one relationship.

platinirisms · 2023-11-06T15:10:37+00:00

Men who don’t struggle: Grow up normally with regular friends, have a crushes on girls, naturally start talking and enjoying time with them, ask each other out, continue to enjoy being with her, get into a relationship with her, maybe this happens a few times before and have a few break ups before find someone they want to spend the rest of their life with, get married, have kids.

What exactly did he learn was the success to dating? shrug, he just talked to women, landed dates, and went from there. He assumes his success came from just treating women like people, confidence, or just by being his honest self. And never really looked deeper into it.

——

Men who struggle: Grow up normally with regular friends, have crushes on girls, naturally starts talking and enjoying time with them, but they just see him as a friend. This happens time and time again, he notices his friends are meeting women and having fun yet he’s constantly rejected by women despite seemingly being a normal dude himself. “What’s wrong with me?” he asks himself, why is he struggling while others are not?

So he looks into it, he does some research to figure out what women like/don’t like and applies this knowledge to himself, he realises women probably don’t like him because X, Y, and Z. He understands why his friends seemingly has a much easier time getting women despite being worse people in other aspects. He realises he lacks the things necessary for women to start liking him, he now understands what’s required in order for a man to start being successful in the dating scene and why.

TL;DR: Men who struggle are going to look into it in depth so much more than men who don’t struggle and are already successful with women from the start.

George69143 · 2023-11-06T16:00:03+00:00

Most of these men want to date women but no women find them attractive. Talking about those experiences might challenge your world view. But they are valid and it is extremely difficult for young men to date anyone so as a result most guys on here and most young men in general have never been on a date.

Bandit174 · 2023-11-06T13:50:46+00:00

Well naturally guys who struggle or have struggled at one point are going to be more likely to gravitate towards spaces like this. That much should be obvious imo.

Also dating is complex and people's experiences can and often will be very different depending on the attributes they posses. We aren't all playing the game under the same starting parameters. One guy might say it's very easy to get women and just be yourself and women will naturally want to have sex with you while another might say it's incredibly difficult and they feel like they have to jump through a bunch of hoops and still end up feeling like they are spinning their wheels. Both guys can be 100% right based on their experiences.

If I recall correctly there's a term called "survorship bias" in other fields referring to how concentrating on entities that passed a selection process while overlooking those that did not leaves out a lot of crucial information. So with regards to understanding dating, the experiences and perspectives of the guys who struggle to succeed can be just as valid as the experiences and perspectives of those who have found success easily.

WilliamWyattD · 2023-11-06T14:37:51+00:00

I have dated. But to me that seems beside the point. Why not just focus on the arguments and claims rather than the person behind them, particularly when it's the anonymous internet so establishing credibility is pretty much impossible anyways?

Besides, even a person who has never dated might be familiar with relevant literature, have interesting 3rd person observations, whatever.

Iakobos_Mathematikos · 2023-11-06T15:42:22+00:00

I’m here to spread incel awareness.

bottleblank · 2023-11-06T15:45:19+00:00

Being unable to get dates, or having had no dates but actively wanting to try, are sufficient to give somebody a perspective on what this sub is about: the difficulties, dynamics, and differences in dating between people with opposing ideologies on the subject.

If you have never dated before, how are your opinions regarding dating even credible?

How are your opinions credible with regard to men who find it that difficult to date?

Seems to be perfectly acceptable for successful, experienced people to dictate reality to unsuccessful, inexperienced men, because that's apparently "the truth". But unsuccessful, inexperienced men aren't allowed to vocalise their experiences, their very real and verifiable perceptions of reality, because that's some kind of lie. What purpose we'd have for inventing that kind of lie I've no idea. Do you think people want to have to admit they're living lives of losers?

But why do you deny those experiences and problems can and do exist? What makes you so superior that you can claim to own the whole of reality just because you can do something that shit-flinging monkeys can do? Why does that somehow give you ownership of the discussion, why should that be considered the only viable, or real, or meaningful perspective?

It doesn't make a poor, homeless person's experience any less valid that a rich person is throwing out ignorant "advice" like "bootstraps", "just get a job", and "just borrow a million dollars and start up a disruptive business and soon you'll be a trillionaire like me". They're two different, but equally real, important perspectives of the same world. You can't form a complete picture of reality without both.

Same applies here. If you only listen to hardcore blackpilled incels or you only listen to contestants of whatever sexually-charged TV popularity contest who are used to getting constant sex on demand, you're going to get an incomplete, flawed, pointless view of the world and the people in it.

Now, you can choose to be ignorant if you like, I can't stop you, but I sure can continue being adamant that many here are hugely disrespectful and ignorant for not taking even a moment to consider what life might be like for somebody who isn't them. That goes for male/female, rich/poor, autistic/neurotypical, city/rural, and whatever else.

I don't give a shit if you're a city-dwelling neurotypical woman and what your experiences are if you can't accept that I, a semi-rural autistic man, might have different (but no less important) issues than you. You do you. I'm not trying to stop you. People seem to be more than willing to try and stop me and disregard my issues though. Except I'm not the one who started that, so I can't be the one to finish it.

I don't belong to an international pro-sexism lobby and I don't have the power to do what straight white middle-class city-dwelling neurotypical women can. I'm not the one denying that women could ever possibly have problems, unlike the dismissal and invalidation I tend to receive, and even if I were there's a very powerful segment of society out there supporting women to a degree which would make my ignorance completely irrelevant, a meaningless drop in the ocean.

Spyro7x3 · 2023-11-06T21:42:30+00:00

Because the input of HKVs is valuable on this sub. If its just me and a woman who've had a ton of relationships its going to be "My chick loved being submissive" vs "I had a guy with a little dick and was a virgin who was the best in bed".

A HKV comes in and gives perspective.

I think even the people who've had relationships on this sub mostly just make shit up to fit just world fallacies. I like to think I'm more objective than that but some of my relationships really have been with women very different than the ones here so I get how it can seem unrealistic.

The most useless group and no offense but its true, the boomers who still think dating is like it was in the 80s or even 90s. These people contribute less than nothing and are more out of the loop than even virgins

yeahrum · 2023-11-06T13:38:18+00:00

The ones who never dated obsess about it the most and are more likely to get sucked down rabbit holes.

Toxic_LigmaMale · 2023-11-07T05:52:07+00:00

Because if they’ve tried what you’re suggesting, it’s likely been failing them.

thedarkracer · 2023-11-06T14:01:20+00:00

Data and knowledge.

meisterkraus · 2023-11-06T15:29:57+00:00

Dating starts at getting a person attracted to you. By gate keeping the discussion to only people who have completed that step is an example of survivor bias.

2023-11-06T14:05:06+00:00

Most of us who used to have relationships got too burned.

We don't wanna talk about the subject. Too much to despise and regret.

So it only leaves those without experience to talk for us. They are not that burned yet.

coping_man · 2023-11-06T14:36:19+00:00

for some reason the people who claim to have experience with it seem to understand how the market works and apply general pattern recognition a lot less than those who dont

Deranged_Loner · 2023-11-06T17:48:33+00:00

Mostly here to observe, I rarely debate. I visit here and some other dating subs to keep watch of the dating scene. It is a great reminder that some people have no business in the dating scene.

FutureBannedAccount2 · 2023-11-06T21:22:15+00:00

Let’s use your example.

I’m a hopeful premed student and I’ve applied numerous times and have been rejected because I have a 3.0 gpa. You give people advice saying “all you have to do is have at least a 3.0 gpa and you’ll be accepted”. Regardless of me being accepted into med school or not, I can identify that advice as bullshit

Glass_Bucket · 2023-11-06T22:17:53+00:00

Coaches don’t play

thisreallyisnotok · 2023-11-07T04:44:13+00:00

The men who have dated are more embarrassed to admit when they struggle. Incels have nothing to lose. Men in relationships often take a holier than thou attitude, but that’s usually just their first serious relationship.

There are plenty of men here who have had multiple LTRs like myself and know firsthand what women can be like in relationships. Even the angry incels here often still put women on a pedestal but they’d feel differently if they had experience.

But ironically their lack of experience leads them to create caricatures of women and ironically blinds them to what they really need to look out for in women.

Perfect_Promise_943 · 2023-11-07T17:43:39+00:00

I think you can be informed on a subject without living it. I’m not saying you will know the ins and outs of it all. However, a person that is dating can be wildly wrong about how dating works.. even when they have experienced it.. and a person who has never dated but has been very observant of the relationship around them and look into them.. might be more informed than many people who have.

obviousredflag · 2023-11-06T13:57:51+00:00

It is exactly those men who are the main demographic for this sub, because we don't debate how to best date in this sub, but why it's everyone else's fault that we have no dating success. It's a circle jerk, echo chamber, confirmation bias, for an ideology, or a pill, that one can swallow to feel better about the own situation and that keeps oneself from having to deal with thoughts of "is it actually me? Do i need to change because i am actually undesirable and/or delusional"?

macone235 · 2023-11-06T20:06:04+00:00

I have, but even if I didn't, then it wouldn't change much of anything.

If you're forming your arguments for a debate based off your personal experiences, then you're already losing. It would be nice if people here learned that, and how to actually properly debate.

This is not a relationship advice sub. This is a sub to debate societal issues, which requires actual research to substantiate a point rather than what you experienced last Saturday night.

Opinions are not facts, and they are irrelevant to a relevant discussion.

Proudvow · 2023-11-07T22:48:18+00:00

I'd imagine for the same reason people with mostly failed relationships/situationships see fit to comment, even though logically they're terrible at dating and thus their opinions aren't worth shit: They're discussing the obstacles they've faced.

Neptune-Jnr · 2023-11-06T14:41:31+00:00

Hey Coaches don't play.

SecondEldenLord · 2023-11-06T13:40:40+00:00

I personally dated very few times but never had a relationship. Been stuck in friendzones where the woman would be aware of my feelings for her and thus used that for her advantage to manipulate me for financial and emotional reasons. Have been on the dating market trying to date, meet women, talk to women for God knows how many years. Applied every dating advice there is and nothing gave me a relationship. You can be in the dating market and try several things for many years and not be successful once, doesn't mean you cannot have strong opinions about something. That is why you hear so many of them complaining about dating, not that they never tried, utterly because they did tried for many years and failed continuously even with the best advices out there.

DerayRevan · 2023-11-06T13:52:11+00:00

To debate bruh

Like literally check the sub description, this is a debate sub where red/blue pill ideas get discussed

My question is why the women are here, because l understand guys being in this spaces but many women have no business being in this discussions, all they do is strawman RP talking points without ever doing a little bit of research and they think they are right about dating because they are a woman, literally

I can say cold approach is a great way of sourcing chicks, and some woman here will say "l don't want guys approaching me" when bruh nobody is talking about YOU

xxTheMagicBulleT · 2023-11-06T16:08:43+00:00

I have dated also in a long term relationship. And hope in the future to be married.

Yet i am in red pill. Blue pill. And all kind of sub redits. Cause i think seeing hearing and getting to know people you might not agree with. And haveing a deeper understanding for each other is important. And the more toxic a side is in a normal discussion the more you feel people live in an echo chamber.

And i like getting to know people that have a different feeling or view or experiences of the world.

Even if i might not agree. You can stil respect for there right to have that view even if you dont agree with it.

But I always believed strongly in relationships that you have to give to get. And that you have to invest in someone if you want that person to invest back in you.

And i don't go in any contracts where a party gains more from breaking it than holding to the promises of a set contract.

But dating has never been all that difficult for me. A lot of people are just a lot more shy or lack the people skills. Or treat them like women are aliens and not normal people like men are. I just treat everyone the same.

Slight difference of course some things are more acceptable in men's company and not so in women's company.

And many men are just awkward and weird with women. So given women bad vibes.

In my experience, you don't have to be all extra and weird. Just be chill and act like you talking to a friend of a friend you just met. With zero expectations.

Dating is easy. But doing nothing and expecting something is the problem people have. You gotta work on getting better at something you lack.

And being social and ok with talking to people even if they are strangers is one of them. But its easy to do or learn. Just start talking to strangers wail you waiting somewhere.

Let it be about the weather. The weird news you saw last week. What ever. And learn to gauge people there interest and how the keep also investing in the talk back. Thats how yea learn if a person is enjoying the talk. Are they investing in the talk back are they giving input. Its that easy.

Keep doing it and you will make friends. Meet people you like.

And in time also dates or relationships. But talking is not the same as flirting. But yeah you get the gist.

Many problems stay impossible if you simply choose to do nothing to improve or change the situation.

Something will never happen for doing nothing. If you want change you but be or bring set change in the life you want.

And might feel impossible. But working on it. Within a few months of working on it it can be super possible

KingWhoCared86 · 2023-11-06T17:33:14+00:00

I’m a simp, incel, beta whatever the hell one would call it. So I used this sub to basically cease my desire to be with a woman. Ironically, finally not focusing on looking for women to date has opened up a flood gate of women flocking toward me.

AutoModerator · 2023-11-06T13:35:42+00:00

Attention!

You can post off topic/jokes/puns as a comment to this Automoderator message.
For "CMV" and "Question for X" Threads: Parent comments that aren't from the target group will be removed, along with their child replies.
If you want to agree with OP instead of challenging their view or if the question is not targeted at you, post it as an answer to this comment.
OP you can choose your own flair according to these guidelines., just press Flair under your post!

Thanks for your cooperation and enjoy the discussion!

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

AutoModerator · 2023-11-06T13:41:27+00:00

[permanently deleted]

AutoModerator · 2023-11-06T13:59:03+00:00

[permanently deleted]

AutoModerator · 2023-11-06T13:59:45+00:00

[permanently deleted]

AutoModerator · 2023-11-06T14:01:33+00:00

[permanently deleted]

AutoModerator · 2023-11-06T14:05:16+00:00

[permanently deleted]

AutoModerator · 2023-11-06T14:06:17+00:00

[permanently deleted]

AutoModerator · 2023-11-06T14:47:02+00:00

[permanently deleted]

AutoModerator · 2023-11-06T15:12:17+00:00

[permanently deleted]

AutoModerator · 2023-11-06T15:24:12+00:00

[permanently deleted]

AutoModerator · 2023-11-06T15:31:52+00:00

[permanently deleted]

AutoModerator · 2023-11-06T15:35:52+00:00

[permanently deleted]

AutoModerator · 2023-11-06T15:59:11+00:00

[permanently deleted]

AutoModerator · 2023-11-06T17:59:38+00:00

[permanently deleted]

social_mule · 2023-11-06T18:10:22+00:00

I'm on this sub to fine tune my trolling skills. But I've dated so I'm not sure this question is for me.

AutoModerator · 2023-11-06T18:45:59+00:00

[permanently deleted]

AutoModerator · 2023-11-06T19:06:52+00:00

[permanently deleted]

AutoModerator · 2023-11-06T19:49:04+00:00

[permanently deleted]

AutoModerator · 2023-11-06T20:11:20+00:00

[permanently deleted]

AutoModerator · 2023-11-06T20:56:08+00:00

[permanently deleted]

happy_discus · 2023-11-07T07:49:54+00:00

At first I was here to learn. Then I realized it was hopeless so I came here to ridicule others but that got boring really fast. Now I am here to ask stupid questions I could never ask in real life.

TheGreatBeefSupreme · 2023-11-07T13:38:06+00:00

I have dated and am married.

wecovetwhatwesee · 2023-11-07T17:20:24+00:00

Question related to your question...

Didn't the inc3ls get run out of this place?

Title	Why are You on this Sub if You Never Dated?
Author	yuriw99
Upvotes	37
Comments	254
Date	November 6, 2023 1:35 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/17p2vag/why_are_you_on_this_sub_if_you_never_dated/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/why-are-you-on-this-sub-if-you-never-dated.1237457 https://theredarchive.com/post/1237457

Comments