Why Do People Use Dating Apps?

MikeArrow · 2024-05-01T07:22:43+00:00

I tried to, briefly, but stopped because they don't work.

domdomdom333 · 2024-05-01T12:47:04+00:00

For me dating apps is all that's left. Bars and clubs are consistently a sausage fest. For every 1 girl I see there's like 10 guys.

Old fashioned and most successful way of finding partners which is friends introducing friends and along there being single other friends ready to mingle is extinct.

But dating apps is more like a ritual of humiliation and failure. Don't know why I keep going. Waste of money, time and emotional strength every time.

chalkandapples · 2024-05-01T06:18:57+00:00

I think younger people are more used to the dating app formula. Kind of like how younger people doesn't like calling someone compared to older people. The preferred and familiar method of communication is just different.

I dislike ambiguity in communication. Dating apps make your intentions very clear and you have to show mutual interest before even speaking with each other. You can't misread signals. Honestly I like the coldness and matter of fact nature of it.

Front_Cell9037 · 2024-05-01T07:25:20+00:00

You can choose not to use dating apps, but the very fact that they exist has changed romance and sex permanently. For one thing, because women know that they can get the attention of some very attractive men anytime they want because dating apps and social media generally exist, they are (in general) more sceptical about getting attention from men in the real world than they were in the old days.

It's not a perfect analogy, but the social change when it comes to hitting on women was sort of like the change when it comes to paying friends, acquaintances, or family members surprise visits: despite the fact that in theory there's no reason you can't to it, the fact that cellphones exist has made paying unexpected house calls no longer socially normal or accepted. It is considered an intrusion.

Oli_love90 · 2024-05-01T07:48:31+00:00

For me it’s that I just don’t have the opportunity to meet someone irl. At work, I’m surrounded by only married people. I have a couple of friends who also have a couple of friends - that’s a dead end. I don’t love to go out in general, plus when I do I rarely if ever get hit on or found someone who’s interested. So I figured dating apps would be a good place to find someone atleast interested in dating.

To me, they are incredibly awkward and horrible. Forcing conversation with a bunch of vaguely interested stranger hoping one may like you is not a fun process and a quick way to tank your self esteem. But pretty much the only route if traditional really has not worked.

Choice-Substance-183 · 2024-05-01T06:10:55+00:00

It's 2024 and everything is an app.

Imagine the dating app as a virtual bar/party/club. You get enough visual information to determine if you want to speak with them.

Just like at a bar, that person is a stranger.

ComfortableJeans · 2024-05-01T07:16:24+00:00

These apps are shitty because they're primarily built around hooking up. They were originally made for strangers who wanted to fuck other strangers. And they're VERY clearly designed that way. When they started getting bigger, they rebranded as an app for dating and finding love.

Now you've got a bunch of people using an app designed for hooking up to try and find love. Ruining it for the people who want to hook up and fucking themselves over trying to find love by doing it wrong.

Like using a screwdriver as a hammer. It's the wrong tool for the job.

A true dating app for finding love would act like a social group. Where people around you all gather and talk about stuff. You'd make friends see if you fall more and more for someone you meet on there. Like a third place, but online. And you're basically just making a chatroom localised around your area then.

Edit: You can downvote all you want, these were apps designed to help people who want to fuck strangers, and to do so as much as possible. And the only thing that's changed about them since their inception is their marketing.

Tinder and apps like it as NOT conducive for finding someone you're going to fall in love with. They're just the best option for a lot of people, but that doesn't make it good.

Velnoartrid · 2024-05-01T10:51:29+00:00

Because there are no alternatives nowadays, the years you were.. "active" are a different era, many things that were considered okay in the early 2010's including the obnoxious rapey-sounding ritual you've described aren't that prevalent and/or acceptable in 2024, except if you as a male have absolute killer looks.

Remote_Panic_3271 · 2024-05-01T06:16:11+00:00

As far as I can surmise, most women use it for validation and attention and possibly hookups if the guy is tall and hot enough

Dankutoo · 2024-05-01T07:50:56+00:00

People use dating apps because they’ve exhausted (or are at least adding to) the supply of potential partners they might meet organically. It’s not like people don’t go out anymore.

Also, sex on a first date is rare in general, let alone first OLD dates. Generally you’ll go for coffee or a walk (at least in my town), have a chat like you would with any stranger and go from there. It’s no less natural than meeting someone “the old-fashioned way”.

Legitimate_Type_1324 · 2024-05-01T09:15:22+00:00

Never used one, never will.

I don't know why people still fall for that scam.

No_Assumption_5864 · 2024-05-01T12:02:52+00:00

Because people are lazy

Planthoe30 · 2024-05-01T06:53:55+00:00

To meet people I may pursue a relationship with. I moved away after college and I did not want to date anyone at work. I also wasn’t interested in anyone at my church. I was unwilling to settle. Ended up meeting my husband through mutual friends. Occasionally I would reconnect with friends and lose interest in the apps but when i decided i was no longer interested in them I’d go back to the apps. This was 2015-2018.

Shoreham_Directives · 2024-05-01T11:48:19+00:00

I don’t use dating apps. It’s a slot machine where you pay them. How fucked up is that, just go to the casino and get a gambling addiction, save you your house in divorce court.

East_Writer_2892 · 2024-05-01T12:41:54+00:00

Women like em because they're skewed basically entirely in their favor and they have to put in even less effort than they already do to attract high quality men. Also men have lower standards on dating apps because they're mostly used for sex so women who don't get approached IRL suddenly have vastly increased options because it's a lot less effort to swipe on a girl you're meh on than wasting your time in a bar. I know the few times I bother to use dating apps I swipe yes on girls that I wouldn't ever approach off app because it's so much simpler in comparison.

They're by and large a garbage system to wring money out of men who think it's a magic pill to find the girl of their dreams without having to risk anything, and it then makes below average women think they're catches because hotter dudes are willing to use them for a quick lay. Harmful all around. Oh and most of the women you get off apps are pyshcos.

I stopped using them basically entirely a while back and I tell my friends to do the same thing if they want to find someone that's worth dating long term. They're good for sex nothing else.

LoFiPanda14 · 2024-05-01T13:30:48+00:00

Only benefit to apps is you can filter out some obvious dealbreakers (kids, politics, etc.) otherwise if you’re not a 6 foot or close to white male there isnt a point but you won’t realize until years later using it. Old fashioned way doesnt work if you’re below average or not a social person.

EminemLovesGrapes · 2024-05-01T17:15:29+00:00

Lack/Death of third spaces means a lot of people have lost the opportunity to meet random people in a setting where dating is acceptable. And that also leads to a lot of people being not that good at it anymore either.

It's probably also why there's much more discourse now about harassment at work, or in the gym or the grocery store.

You're also now seeing people "sliding into the dms" which isn't entirely a bad thing but it means if you're not with-it social media wise you're SOL.

Tobor_Xes240 · 2024-05-01T19:52:53+00:00

For certain demographics, they provide easy access to attention, food, entertainment, and/or sex.

For the bottom 80% of cis het guys, they offer a catalog of plausibly single women in our geographic area.

wtknight · 2024-05-02T00:38:25+00:00

They're convenient to use but not necessarily healthy. Kind of like fast food or eating a bag of potato chips. People like convenience.

Some people are able to make the transition from "fake" online interaction to real life meaningful interaction better than others, of course. Not everyone has a lack of success on dating apps.

I always preferred online chatrooms because I was at least interacting with actual people rather than just clicking or swiping on profiles.

ExternalBarracuda292 · 2024-05-02T15:36:48+00:00

Here's the biggest problem with dating apps. They do not want you to find a good partner. Not just "they don't really care", they actively do not want you to find what you're looking for and be happy. Why? Because OLD is a business, and people who find successful relationships don't continue to use online dating sites, and thus no longer pay for subscriptions or view ads. Sure, they need the occasional success story for advertising, but they want the vast majority of their audience to be stuck there forever. If a site has "1 million active users", that's 1 million people who still haven't found a good match, which should raise a lot of red flags.

Independent-Mail-227 · 2024-05-01T10:12:15+00:00

Comparing datings app of your time with tinder explosion and it's societal changes is a pretty off the mark argument

For me dating worked like this: go out to a bar, club or party, talk, laugh, put on some music, dance, kiss, and then probably have sex.

Ok gramps, try this as an young man and everything stops at put some music

Electric_Death_1349 · 2024-05-01T06:41:32+00:00

Because it’s the only legitimate way to meet women; if someone swipes right on you and you reciprocate, then it’s a staring point - if one of you swipes left, then the other knows it’s a non-starter.

The primitive Ye Olden Days method you describe doesn’t cut it in the modern world - perhaps you were the Don Juan of your heyday and had a 100% success rate, but in the current era, its high-risk - approach the wrong women and, if you’re lucky you’ll come away suffering public humiliation; if you’re not, you’ll be the unwitting start of a TikTok video with charges of sexual harassment/assault being levelled against you.

As a man, Dating Apps also give you a true reflection of how the opposite sex perceive you; before I joined Tinder I naively thought I was average looking - I am now aware that I am extremely ugly, bordering on sub human, and the only women who would conceivably be interested in me are at the very bottom of the desirability spectrum, which is unfortunate, but at least I no longer harbour any delusions of a LTR because I’m not willing to debase myself by dating someone I’d be embarrassed to be seen in public with.

It also reveals the true face of Women, and shows them for the shallow, selfish, entitled, vacuous, narcissistic and hypergamous creatures that they are - every sub-five now thinks she’s a ten; every mid will reject 99% for spurious and asinine reasons, and for the average man, dating is a futile Sisyphean struggle. Dating Apps were the great leveller that stripped away the bullshit and showed the ugly reality and the futile, pointlessness of it all.

N.B. Mods - this is not Black Pill; I could date 1s and 2s if I wanted, because that’s apparently the best I can hope for, but I chose not to.

TRTGymBro1 · 2024-05-01T10:41:26+00:00

Young people are socially retarded. They don't speak to strangers, etc. They are awkward, including good looking women. I was recently at a conference and got hit on by a woman in her late 40s to early 50s. Very good looking, great shape, does modeling on the side and later on by a 38 year old porn star. They were both so easy to strike up a conversation with.

But with someone half their age that is used to having conversations over text, speaking to a stranger is way too scary and uncomfortable. I guess they are shy or something. I don't get it.

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Independent-Pause638 · 2024-05-01T15:11:21+00:00

I've been the on and off the internet since I was roughly 8 and we used to get those America Online (AOL) CD-Roms in the mail.

Growing up on the internet and answering A/S/L made it easy to end up on the dating apps, but to be fair, I never needed them until the pandemic. I became available to date again in 2020, but with social distancing and literally being terrified of people in 2020, the normal way of just walking up to someone was gone.

Dating apps was how we made introductions during that time.

volleyballbeach · 2024-05-01T16:06:38+00:00

Entertainment / boredom

Ego boost from getting likes

Wanting to get laid

Looking for a relationship

Advertising only fans type contents

Pre arranging dates in a place they will travel too

Buying/selling drugs

Promoting clubs

Finding people with dogs to socialize your dog with

Social anxiety / preferring online communication before in person interaction

Meshakhad · 2024-05-01T16:51:04+00:00

Being a lesbian naturally makes it more difficult, as your dating pool is smaller. The majority of women I meet are going to be straight and not interested in dating a woman. Also, lesbian bars are gradually dying out - although there is one in my area I should check out...

throwaway164_3 · 2024-05-01T17:05:03+00:00

As a mid 30s man, I have been on > 200 dates through dating apps and a grand total of 0 in real life

The two I thought were dates were “just friends” hanging out.

Not sure why I have such a big disparity but it’s really hard for me to meet single women and date without using apps, and it’s much easier for me to meet women annd have relationships through apps.

Maybe because my grad school field and work is male dominated and most female friends are in relationships.

esdebah · 2024-05-01T17:51:14+00:00

I started using dating apps a little over ten years ago in my late 20s. I've used them whenever I'm single. Mostly okcupid. They've lead to a lot of fun dates, some hookups, and a few long term relationships (up to 4+ years). If anything, it's easier when you know that the woman is actually interested. I rarely had any luck picking girls up at bars, and now I don't drink. May have a bit to do with my location. People in Boston seem to go to bars to hang out with friends more than to meet dates.

GoodCauliflower4569 · 2024-05-02T13:56:05+00:00

Lol you’ve never seen a really good looking dude’s success on dating apps. Like shooting fish in a barrel.

Individual_Speech_10 · 2024-05-06T22:42:23+00:00

Because no one I meet in real life has ever asked me out or reciprocated my interest. What you described sounds ideal, but has never happened for me. So I tried widening my search by using apps, then promptly gave that up as well because it was just as bad.

OpticalEpilepsy · 2024-05-01T07:46:09+00:00

You can find partners this way while you wait months and maybe years to find a partner through friends or hobbies

Pegmaster6969696969 · 2024-05-01T10:37:00+00:00

Because I am not a normal adult that can talk to strangers and have fun at loud parties, I am a socially inept idiot that has never gotten anything out of asking out women irl.

Dating apps are indeed horrible and awkward, an absolute trash fest of ghosting and shitty behaviour that leaves you feeling like shit. But at least my success with them is above 0%.

You may have fun talking to strangers irl and asking women out even if you get rejected. I don't, I find the whole process absolutely horrible and it always leaves me feeling like an absolute buffoon idiot thinking any woman would find me attractive.

Dating apps are like this too but the sheer quantity of options and shallowness makes it hurt a little less, I have found good people on the giant trash pile after a lot and I mean of patience. I can swipe every day but I can't go out and meet people every day.

Being an introvert is the worst. If the only way one is supposed to get laid nowadays is go to parties or use an app then I'll just pick the poison that hurts less.

MiddleZealousideal89 · 2024-05-01T06:31:51+00:00

I was looking for casual sex, matched with a handful of guys, went out with 2 of them. The first one was a casual hookup thing that lasted for like a month, the second one is sleeping in the next room..

I'd say OLD isn't great in general, most people suck at making themselves interesting enough to talk to, let alone go out with but for some purposes (casual sex), they're a more convenient way to find someone if you're not super keen on going out to a bar/club/party/event and meeting someone there.

Friedrich_Friedson · 2024-05-01T10:07:37+00:00

Most people don't meet or use through dating apps. Like, in my country,if you say to someone here that you met your relationship in a dating app,you will get a look as if you were a weeb who went to Japan to find an "anime girlfriend". It feels off and you may deemed asocial, desperate or both.

The overwhelming majority of people who use it(which isn't lot,its like,10% of internet users or so) use it as low quality hookups after a big "dry season" lol. It isn't even the preferred method for just hooking up

HappyCat79 · 2024-05-01T10:48:47+00:00

I used them because the nightlife here sucks. I may have met my boyfriend in person if I had gone out to the local pub this summer, but I didn’t because I was nervous to go out to the pub by myself. I didn’t want to have to deal with getting hit on my random strangers in person. Doing it online seems safer because I could just ignore or block people who I was not interested in or who gave me the creeps.

campskills21 · 2024-05-01T12:22:56+00:00

If you can get dating apps going with right pics and I got my instagram attached. Dating apps are the closest thing to magic I’ve ever experienced.

A pretty girl will just show up where you want, have a couple drinks, likely come over and hop into bed with you. It’s so easy and convenient, I rarely even try to get a date in real life.

I went on so many dates after my divorce, I was a kid in a candy store, dated all types of girls 20-40. Girls are usually fun, first dates aren’t awkward you’re just chilling. I’ve had 3 girlfriends I met off them, from Hinge/Tinder/Bumble. People complain about them, when you’re matching and getting dates you want the experience is incredible.

waffleznstuff30 · 2024-05-01T17:54:51+00:00

Working professional with a small social circle? So sadly dating apps are the way to go. It's shit. It's not fun it feels isolating because it's like THIS is your pool of eligible bachelors. And frankly I'm not interested. And the bars are about as bad. And I don't really go out much because employed.

I don't like window shopping for humans. It's awkward. But it's kind of how dating is. So you just kind of deal with it?

However Boo is kind of good though.

M3taBuster · 2024-05-01T18:32:06+00:00

Here's why I use them, or at least why I would like to use them:

I'm no longer in college and I work remotely.
I'm not romantically interested in any of the few female friends I already have.
I dislike bars and nightclubs, and wouldn't be compatible with the types of women who go to such places.
All of my hobbies, both online and in person are sausage fests.
Online dating allows me to meet as many new people as I like instantly and effortlessly without even leaving my home, and it also ensures that every woman I speak to is single and looking, and even allows me to do some level of pre-screening for looks, shared interests, values, and relationship goals (depending on the app).

What puzzles me is why some people, especially women, don't use dating apps. It should've been one of the best inventions since the printing press, but all that potential is squandered by horribly skewed gender ratios.

SecondEldenLord · 2024-05-01T21:58:25+00:00

Well back in the day it was much easier and less competition, so of course you were one of the lucky ones, especially if you are good looking. You stopped right on time, cause 2012 is when Tinder first launched and since then, dating apps blew up and destroyed EVERYTHING. Honestly, any chance that average men had before is gone, women can now swipe on a hot guy 100 miles away and fuck him TONIGHT if she wants to, hell she can have 6 guys a DAY if she wants to, and she doesn't even have to be hot. Here is how bad dating apps had ruined dating: your average woman, a 5 or a 6 can have as many options as a perfect 10 guy, we are talking top athlete or celebrity. This is how bad things are now because of social media and dating apps.

lolthankstinder · 2024-05-02T04:20:32+00:00

Out at bars and clubs nowadays you end up talking to a lot of women that don’t want to be talked to and they treat you like a creepy waste of oxygen. That gets exhausting after a while.

On dating apps, however, I could showcase myself with fun and interesting pics in exciting places and match with women more interested in getting to know me. If they’re down to grab a drink then BAM, now I’m at a bar talking to a woman interested in getting to know me rather than getting treated like a creepy intrusive waste of oxygen.

While matches are slim for men, across many different apps I was able to get a nice pipeline going with around 3 women at 1+ dates, 2-4 women in the pre-date phase, and a steady flow of new options per week. It’s honestly insane how much better online dating is with women-level options. I met my girlfriend and was off the apps in a few months.

DXBrigade · 2024-05-02T09:21:37+00:00

Dating apps SUCK, however for many people that's all that's left. Not everyone has a rich social life and get to go out at bars and clubs.

gusGus2222_ · 2024-05-01T11:44:18+00:00

It’s easier and more options than going out to find someone. You know they find you attractive if they swiped on you… etc.

lle-ell · 2024-05-01T09:13:38+00:00

I used to always meet people irl when I was younger, but after my last relationship ended I decided to try a dating app. The reason why was that I realised that I wouldn’t just stumble into people the way I did when I was younger, and the dating pool I was interested in was small (not in terms of looks but in terms of values). Took less than a week for the man of my dreams to write to me, and now we’re married.

ta06012022 · 2024-05-01T13:45:21+00:00

Because they're an efficient, low effort way of meeting women. Before apps, it was really rare to meet someone while sitting on the toilet. Now thanks to the wonders of technology, that's how many relationships start.

Siukslinis_acc · 2024-05-02T10:37:14+00:00

Because it's less time and energy consuming.

Imagine putting effort to dress up, commute to a place, interact with a person, ask them on a date just to find out that they are in a commited relationship. So all that time and effort seems wasted. Thus online dating helps as you can just scroll through a list even when you lounging around in your underwear.

Not to mention you are exposed to more people in one place than you can achieve irl. You can interact with people who live in places you've never been before.

It's a bit similar as to why people order takeout to be brought to their home instead of just goint to the restaurant and eating there.

fiftypoundpuppy · 2024-05-01T06:21:14+00:00

I can filter easily for my deal-breakers that rule out 99% of men. So it's far more efficient than dealing with people IRL. I'm a low-energy introvert and have little desire to socialize IRL outside of my current friend group.

I know (for the most part) their relationship status and what they're looking for.

It's a tool. The majority of people still meet IRL, but there's nothing wrong with having another option. All of my relationships started offline, but I did meet one of my closest friends like a decade ago on OKCupid 🤷🏿

I also don't ever use it for more than a few weeks at a time. Once my energy for dating runs out, that's it until maybe the next year. But that's not a reflection on online dating, it's a reflection of my low interest in dating period.

nnuunn · 2024-05-01T06:04:32+00:00

They are horrible and awkward, but they're a necessary evil in the modern dating world

Khanluka · 2024-05-01T06:23:45+00:00

It helps finding poeple outside of your nomal zone. Like i have dated poeple from the city next to mine all the time. I never really come there due parking cost there.

So i would normaal never met those woman.

GymJunkie2002 · 2024-05-01T06:38:07+00:00

Dating apps suck but they're by far the quickest and easiest way to meet people to date since people don't want to approach in public anymore.

Environmental_Day558 · 2024-05-01T06:41:14+00:00

I met my fiance on a dating app.

The deal was that I moved to a new to the city earlier that year and it was during the height pandemic, so the advice of just go out with friends and coworkers and meet people was kinda difficult under those conditions.

Regardless, I would have preferred dating apps because they allow you to filter out people based on preferences, something you can't do irl. Sucks to get to know somebody just to find out they have a kid or something after you already closed.

The only downsides to dating apps imo are the heavily skewed gender ratio, and the fact that everything that was one free is now being monitized. For the former it is what it is, the latter sucks and is avoidable, but I understand why they do it. Fortunately I didn't have to pay anything and I was off there after a few weeks.

Stop_Maximum · 2024-05-01T08:40:54+00:00

I think some people might want to have more options, and/or have less time to go out and meet people. For example, someone working Monday to Friday for example. They might not have that much time to go out, and dating apps can help them connect with other people.

SlowEffective8146 · 2024-05-01T11:44:04+00:00

When I was younger (around 2014), I'd use them to just have access to more women. I still met some girls in person and dated them, dating apps just gave me an extra stream of girls for my roster. It was probably 75/25 real life to apps.

Now in 2024, I pretty much exclusively use apps. I'm not anti social or anything, it's just how the market feels, it feels like approaching in 2024 is very heavily shamed and also at the same time, I don't want to be the mid 30s guy at the club (it's cringe to me) trying to pick up 25 year old girls. I'd rather just know if they're interested beforehand by matching them on an app versus trying to guess what girls are ok with a 10 year age gap.

boom-wham-slam · 2024-05-01T15:12:02+00:00

Young women are morons. Exactly why their fathers used to tell them what to do.

They all flock to dating apps which then brings the men.

They like the low stress and low anxiety from the comfort of their own home.

They do not generally expect or even prefer dates. They want to text chat for a bit and then have casual sex. If the sex is good, now they feel comfortable to get to know you.

This is essentially how dating apps work.

It's frankly backwards that meeting a stranger for sex at their house is more comfortable than meeting a man to talk is uncomfortable. These women are socially unskilled and will never recover because this behavior only enforces the idea that sex is a handshake and a conversation or a date is very intimate.

superlurkage · 2024-05-01T16:25:18+00:00

Blind dates and setups have always been a thing

Expensive-Tea455 · 2024-05-01T16:37:05+00:00

Cause they’re entertaining lol

TheLonerCoder · 2024-05-02T02:17:25+00:00

If you're moderately attractive, they're a great way to make friends and date at ease. But for most men, they're a waste of time since you'll rarely get matches. I'm lucky enough to fall in that group of men who gets alot of matches so I use them to make friends and casual dating.

C_Cherry2212 · 2024-05-02T22:06:53+00:00

As an lgbt person who doesn’t live in an lgbt prominent area it’s basically the only way I can aspire to meet someone.

I’ve had super cool dates and even a long term relationship came out of it. 10/10 would recommend

SupportRemarkable583 · 2024-05-01T06:07:12+00:00

Because it is hard as hell to meet people. Approaching a woman in public is a crapshoot in whether she'll find it harassment or not.

Southern_Fall983 · 2024-05-01T10:43:47+00:00

Because as a man it’s one of the only places left where you can’t be labeled a creep for flirting with women because you are literally not able to talk to anyone you want. They are basically only for the top percent of men of whom never need them to begin with

Whoreasaurus_Rex · 2024-05-01T11:43:49+00:00

I find it easier to be able to message with guys before meeting. You can weed out a lot and it saves time.

NoDanaOnlyZuuI · 2024-05-01T18:21:32+00:00

Half my friends my their partners through dating apps

Title	Why Do People Use Dating Apps?
Author	Schmurby
Upvotes	13
Comments	330
Date	May 1, 2024 5:57 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1cheqko/why_do_people_use_dating_apps/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/why-do-people-use-dating-apps.1516991 https://theredarchive.com/post/1516991

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