Why doesn't pre-selection affect men too?

0DarkFlirty · 2023-12-29T00:42:49+00:00

If a girl looked like a 10/10 model but only to my eyes and she was ugly to every other dude in the world I would never complain. No competition whatsoever.

flextov · 2023-12-28T22:33:21+00:00

If a woman is attractive to me, then she is attractive to me. I don’t need other guys affirming my choices.

CasseroleTruck · 2023-12-29T01:36:03+00:00

Because social status, standing, and proof are actual ignitors of genuine attraction in women when appraising men. Again just look at the men women gather to rave and gush over. Random no-name models no matter how goodlooking rarely get any attention or comments in the ladyboners sub, a place allegedly for eye candy. It's always the famous men, even if a little old and wrinkly or dweeby looking, with established fanbases, bodies of work, talents, even notoriety.

Cool_Ranch_2511 · 2023-12-28T23:54:13+00:00

Pre-selection is a shortcut that basically only women have the opportunity to resort to, because there are too many viable options for them. So to avoid choice paralysis they just vie for the man who is popular and it probably works to a fair extent.

On the other hand, men can't afford to ignore too many women who aren't popular except the ones who are seriously unpopular (known psycho / whore / fugly)

flakybottom · 2023-12-28T22:06:50+00:00

Even the most low value women will have several guys who would date her, so preselection doesn't mean crap.

Cethlinnstooth · 2023-12-28T23:00:14+00:00

Attempts at taking other men's wives have historically been a quick route to an early grave unless you killed all the men of her tribe. So the majority of men look at the smaller chance of success and higher risks and instinctively try to avoid cultivating their desire and especially avoid any form of admission to desiring a taken woman. However...any woman who has left a marriage will tell you it becomes abundantly obvious that there's been numerous men desiring her all along without saying a word about it, and the speed with which the individual men make their feelings known basically equates to how much courage they have.

Or in fewer words...men are too physically scared of other men to play that game much.

Demasii · 2023-12-28T22:56:14+00:00

Mathematics of Beauty

Suppose you're a man who's really into someone. If you suspect other men are uninterested, it means less competition. You therefore have an added incentive to send a message. You might start thinking: maybe she's lonely. . . maybe she's just waiting to find a guy who appreciates her. . . at least I won't get lost in the crowd. . . maybe these small thoughts, plus the fact that you really think she's hot, prod you to action. You send her the perfectly crafted opening message.

"sup"

Shoddy-Cherry-490 · 2023-12-28T23:36:31+00:00

Pretty simple: Men don't rely on social cues nearly as much as women do to make dating choices. And vice versa, physical attributes aren't as central and critical to women as they are for men.

This is all evolutionary biology 101!

PixelizedPlayer · 2023-12-28T22:22:15+00:00

Everyone knows that taken men are more attractive to women, but taken women aren't really more attractive to men. Why?

Men don't like competition. We don't need validation from other men that a woman is worth dating. Men want to be the first and last where possible. We can see with our own eyes if shes beautiful... i don't need men to tell me this.

The metrics of whether a man is worth dating is not visible because they are character attributes. For women its how she looks which is we can see for ourselves.

Bay-AreaGuy · 2023-12-28T22:15:32+00:00

Because it takes very little skill or effort for a woman to land a man. There’s just nothing really impressive about it.

PMmeareasontolive · 2023-12-28T22:59:06+00:00

Because of the Women are Wonderful effect. Women don't have to prove themselves, they are acceptable just as they are. With men, not so much.

Put another way; women are given the benefit of the doubt until they prove otherwise. Men, speaking generally (there is some halo effect for men) are NOT given the benefit of the doubt, until they prove otherwise.

Tight-Breeder · 2023-12-28T23:01:32+00:00

Male and female dating dynamics are not similad they are more so the opposite women want men that have been tried and tested (so they work) that is why preselection works.

Men dont want women that have been tried and tested we want someone new. We like less competition.

kkkan2020 · 2023-12-29T00:02:28+00:00

Mena and women are wired differently

MOProG2 · 2023-12-29T00:55:59+00:00

As a man not interested in competing for a woman. Men are lazy creature outside of survival task. Asking men to go out and conquer the world just to have to fend off other suitors is not the move and it does not feel good in the slightest

Proudvow · 2023-12-29T03:07:16+00:00

Because:

A preselected woman doesn't stand out at all. Any woman who isn't noticeably unattractive could have a bunch of men pursuing her. Men have low standards and high desperation. It doesn't make her special or anything.
We simply do not care. Preselection indicates status, security, and desirability. But men build their own status (women had very little status historically, so men weren't conditioned to look for it in them), don't generally fear women on a physical level (and thus don't need verification that one is "safe"), and are heavily visual creatures who can instantly tell how attractive a woman simply by looking at them (unlike how women usually need men to charm them and spark chemistry, unless the guy is top tier in looks).
Men are attracted to far more women than the reverse. Due to their limited range of attraction women tend to seek the best men, and preselection expresses a man's popularity with women, indicating his relatively higher quality. But men simply don't require a woman to be high quality to want her.
Since a guy can determine his attraction to a woman independently without even talking to her, let alone others, it's honestly better if she isn't popular with other men at all. Because then he has less competition to face to get her.
Biological imperative tells men to reproduce, and a taken woman is less likely to carry his child than a single one. Women don't have to worry about that, so they can pursue taken men just fine.

TheGreatBeefSupreme · 2023-12-29T03:48:26+00:00

Because, unlike women, men have very little to lose from making an error in choosing a sexual partner (from an evolutionary perspective).

social_mule · 2023-12-29T05:13:44+00:00

Women and men are different. More news at 11.

Zealousideal-Eye-334 · 2023-12-29T08:17:54+00:00

No, because sperm is cheap and eggs are expensive. The reproductive cost(s) are low for males and really high for females so females have evolved to be extremely selective in mate selection whereas males aren't. I.e. men who are addicted to crack don't get laid whereas women who are crackwhores actually have men paying to have sex with them. Strange example I know. An example of female nature vs male nature in mating.

DumbWordsmith · 2023-12-28T22:02:26+00:00

If I had to guess, it's because men want to ensure paternity. Women don't have to worry about that.

This only applies to long-term commitment, obviously.

Scarce12 · 2023-12-29T03:54:53+00:00

Pre-selection definitely effects men but in the opposite way.

Everybody knows this, which is why when women have a school yard cat fight, they call each other whores and sluts...etc because they know this strikes them out of the possibility of having a relationship with the alpha guys (as opposed to just sex), and it's also the reason why women slip off and secretly have sex with guys when away from home, e.g. at a holiday resort or when backpacking...etc

It's essentially the reason why OLD is so successful for women.

TL;DR: If men know a woman's past, they find them less attractive - that's pre-selection in men.

RinoaRita · 2023-12-29T05:35:12+00:00

Because women place more emphasis on qualities other than sheer looks in the overall rubric.

While in the category of looks women are just as harsh and likely more, their overall attraction selection criteria has more categories and looks aren’t as a big percentage as it is for guy.

So with guys they can see right there with their eyes that this woman meets a good chunk of their criteria. While for a women they need more info that’s not readily apparent to the eye so if other women seem to like him you might assume he has other things going for him/isn’t a total creeper.

That’s why guys shouldn’t poo poo female friends who don’t want to sleep with them but genuinely like him. Being seen in the company of pretty women is a charisma bonus.

mods_have_small_ween · 2023-12-29T17:50:43+00:00

Men do not want competition for their woman. If a woman has a lot of male interest the man sees that as a problem. Its not worth the hassle so they find a woman who gets less attention.

rindpickles · 2023-12-29T00:42:24+00:00

Men want new objects, not used objects

They say this explicitly. Why doesn’t anyone believe them?

Southern_Fall983 · 2023-12-28T23:16:19+00:00

Because the default shared by almost every man is whether or not you would smash. The overwhelming majority of the time the answer is yes. Its nature of which women manipulate and exploit to the umpteenth degree

tacticaltossaway · 2023-12-28T22:05:12+00:00

"well, if a man decided to be with her, then that must mean she's a good partner"?

Which side lives in a rice paddy and which side lives in a desert, again?

techr0nin · 2023-12-29T06:29:27+00:00

The short answer is men value quantity and women value quality.

That said having sex (not relationship) with other men’s wives is definitely a persistent phenomenon, and there are certain men that do this serially. But the primal motivation there isn’t because she’s been vetted as a good partner but rather it’s a chance to procreate without paying the childrearing cost.

Key-Faithlessness-29 · 2023-12-29T07:02:31+00:00

the men who say "don't believe what a woman says look at how she acts, their point is being backfired in the comments

mybotisonfire · 2023-12-29T19:58:02+00:00

Men don't have an external locus of control as women do. She needs approval for pretty much everything she feels and does.

A woman can't have a relationship in a vacuum. Plan a wedding in vacuum. Have a baby in a vacuum. If nobody is able to see her amazing life, then is she even alive?

This is where men differ. We can exist alone, on the shore of a lake, near a cabin, and fish, with a dog at our side and just be happy. We don't need ten fucking guys to fist bump the social media posts of our camping trip. Or post pics of our legs in that odd "these are my legs while I drink an umbrella drink at the beach" pose. Or take a picture and post it of every goddamned thing we eat.

I think women hate that about men. They call that innate ability to self-gratify and be emotionally independent "stupid".

Men are addicted to sex and porn. Women are addicted to social media validation.

Tell me now which one is more stupid. They're both really stupid.

grown_folks_talkin · 2023-12-28T22:40:29+00:00

Same reasons social proof and rizz/game are basically irrelevant. How a woman hits the five senses is just way more important to guys than social factors.

After a few experiences, men will vet for crazy but this can be done 1:1. Still no social proof required

throwaway164_3 · 2023-12-28T22:07:39+00:00

It doesn’t because of evolutionary biology.

Remember, men are the chasers whereas women are the selectors. Only the top men have mates historically, it makes sense from the context of sexual selection that women find those small fraction of men more attractive (and not vice versa)

Bluepillers simply don’t understand evolutionary biology.

macone235 · 2023-12-29T03:31:29+00:00

Men don't care about other people's opinions. Women do, because they're shallow. They need confirmation from others, because ultimately they're trying to get a man with status. Most men aren't going to care if a woman is objectively attractive. If the woman is attractive to him, then that's all that matters to him.

Men don't care about a woman's status, because they don't need women to elevate themselves in society like women do. Men can elevate themselves, and they tend to be a lot less status-driven than women anyways.

MikeArrow · 2023-12-28T23:05:59+00:00

Because the assumption is that if a girl isn't in a relationship, it's because she simply chose not to accept any of the offers that came her way.

With a guy, it's assumed he can't get in a relationship because no one else was willing to say yes. Therefore, there's something wrong with him.

DecisionPlastic9740 · 2023-12-28T23:43:47+00:00

Men make their own decisions. They don't worry about what others think.

AngeCruelle · 2023-12-28T23:01:25+00:00

Everyone knows that taken men are more attractive to women, but taken women aren't really more attractive to men.

Based on what do we "know" this?

If we examine old texts and literature apparently wanting to get with another man's wife was a recurring problem, otherwise it wouldn't have been written about so much (RIP Uriah). We have everybody's favorite edgelord Elon Musk who needlessly burned a bridge with one of his billionaire friends by sleeping with his wife. And then there's the rise of cuckold fetishes.

The desire to compete and possess the shiny thing that others want/have is not at all exclusive to women.

poopy_head4 · 2023-12-28T22:16:53+00:00

getting a high quality man to cheat with you is a huge ego boost for women. im guessing men dont try to steal women because 1. would take much more effort to fuck her than if she was single 2. risk of physical fight with a man

wtknight · 2023-12-28T22:47:13+00:00

I think that men would rather find a woman who they think is attractive that other men don't think is attractive than one who many men think is attractive due to men's innate paternity concerns. If you listen to many men on here, the worst thing in the world is to be cuckolded and have to raise a child who is not one's own. I think that this outweighs any kind of social proof that a man might receive from having sex with a woman who is considered desirable by other men.

AFuzzyMuffin · 2023-12-28T22:07:45+00:00

Because the concept is borderline stupid. It suggests that a woman is not ugly to you because 80% of men like her. It’s borderline animalistic and is a fatal flaw women have and should start a campaign to shame against imo. It causes more problems than it solves

rejected-again · 2023-12-29T04:49:31+00:00

Women only care about a man being in a previous relationship because they want to impress their friends, and they can't do that with a man who's never dated. Men don't care about these things.

BackToTheMoon_ · 2023-12-28T23:02:17+00:00

There’s nothing impressive about being a slut thats why

M3taBuster · 2023-12-28T22:43:48+00:00

There are visible traits and invisible traits that determine if someone is a desirable partner. Preselection is only a necessary strategy when evaluating the invisible traits. And compared to women, men evaluate potential partners on fewer of those invisible traits, while also prioritizing visible traits over the few invisible traits we evaluate at all.
Men are more territorial due to the threat of paternity fraud. Therefore, even insofar as men would rely on preselection for evaluating the few invisible traits we're concerned with, our territorial impulses outweigh it.

lostatlifecoach · 2023-12-28T22:59:35+00:00

Taken women are preselected, by Chad. They don't want his commitment only his body. They wont tell others. Women that want a serious relationship aren't trying to steal men. He's easy to steal. Why settle with that.

She either wants a casual partner or to steal him in a power play cay girl world.

DryChampion2794 · 2023-12-28T23:31:26+00:00

The ease of a woman leaving a man is way more than the vice versa, so if she left him she could quite as easily leave me

SnooBananas8024 · 2023-12-29T15:16:24+00:00

Because men (not all) have more respect for relationships then women do. The second I see a wedding ring my hardware automatically disengages because I would hate for someone to see my wife's wedding ring and still persue her anyway. If you do something like that you deserve whatever consequence you get.

Women go through so many emotions that the logic behind their decision making becomes flawed. If you truly want monogamy why are you 1) going to try to steal it from your sister (fellow human female) 2) try to get monogamy from someone who cheated for you. they've already proved themselves unfaithful and you think they're going to magically stick around after you... the delusion.

Just thinking about this makes me thing how crazy men are torn down in general, at least we aren't out here backstabbing and stealing women from men at the rates women are stealing men from other women. Just take a look on the other woman reddit.. its literally a delusional disgusting shitshow over there. But MEN are the ones who are bad.

Sad_and_grossed_out · 2023-12-28T22:38:33+00:00

Do the people in these comments and OP even live in the same world as me? Men try and fuck women who are in relationships or married all the time. I got my marriage posted up all over my social media and a ring on my hand and I still get weirdos trying to shoot their annoying shot.

januaryphilosopher · 2023-12-28T21:59:25+00:00

Bold of you to assume it doesn't. Men certainly do have a pattern of going after the same woman more often than you would suggest.

Love-Is-Selfish · 2023-12-28T22:22:16+00:00

Men have the advantage in sex, so they have the advantage in romance. They don’t have to worry as much about whether a woman will commit to them vs a woman worrying about a whether a man will commit to her.

Negus808 · 2023-12-29T00:36:51+00:00

taken women are more attractive to men lol. you are a man so you don’t see it firsthand

Sharp_Engineering379 · 2023-12-29T10:37:58+00:00

Pre-selection isn’t a thing; men are projecting their behavior onto women. Women don’t compete for men nor do they want to spend their pregnancies and the child-rearing years worrying about a cheating husband.

Social proof is very real, however. A man with friends, especially a man who is seen having fun with a mixed group of friends is showing his personality, which is important to a woman. If he’s likable and fun, he isn’t likely to be a moody loner. He isn’t likely to be a shut in with insular hobbies and habits.

Men prefer physically attractive women, doesn’t matter who she is or how she acts. A moody loner is fine for most men so long as she has the physical assets he prefers. Many men prefer loners who are likely to be dependent because men are terrified of cheating.

Women prefer likable, affectionate, friendly and fun men who are good at conversation and good listeners. When a man is out with friends, it’s easy to assess his personality from afar. A grinning, agreeable man is appealing from across the room.

fiftypoundpuppy · 2023-12-28T22:34:03+00:00

Women are attracted to men in relationships because it means the man's been vetted and is therefore a good partner

Being in a relationship just means you are/were in a relationship. It says nothing about the kind of partner you are, nor are women so stupid that we automatically think anyone and everyone in a relationship is a "good partner."

qunamax · 2023-12-29T05:09:47+00:00

We don't need anybody to take care for us, we want someone to take care for. Women don't have to prove anything to us trought pre-selection, it actually shows us that her choice is wrong, it's him, not me, it's our ego if you will.

We simply don't want other men around our women, not before us, during us, or after us, no never. Seeing her with another man disqualifies her on the spot, she has chosen wrongly and she's spoiled forever, game over, I'm not taking in that guy's leftovers, he knows her inside out. Now, when we meet a girl, we want her to be free, she probably had someone before but we haven't seen it so it doesn't exist, in our minds it never happened, we are in sweet denial. If we actively thought about her past it would feel exactly like she cheated on us, even though we never even met back then. The whole virgin thing is not some artificial social construct, it's in our nature, we just adapted to the modern world reality by using mental denial, we pretend that we are the first, the one, the only. Pre-selection is a deselection for us.

Of course, different men have different thresholds about all this, but that doesn't change the core programming.

YearnsToDestroySun · 2023-12-29T07:52:25+00:00

Biology...

because men are attracted to fertility cues. men (amongst my peers back in the day), often mock the guy with the fat girl. all my friends.

Anyway, the guy with the fat girl (+honorable guy, goes high road always), she had horrible complications with her pregnancy and the child is.....gimped.

I fucked a hot, yet crazy woman (full custody), my son is perfect.

ya, fertility matters. no matter how honorable your intentions.

I'd keep my situation over his although he's married.

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Purple-Poppins · 2023-12-28T23:59:12+00:00

Mate poaching exists in both men and women. A woman having a partner may not increase her attractiveness, but it doesnt seem to hurt it much unless her partner is also intimidating to other men.

boom-wham-slam · 2023-12-29T00:18:18+00:00

Because by being with another man they are less attractive. More dicks equal less attractive.

Flightlessbirbz · 2023-12-29T02:52:13+00:00

It does to some extent in my experience.

Bu11ism · 2023-12-29T02:53:39+00:00

Probably 90% of the questions on this sub can be answered with some understanding of game theory and evolutionary biology.

Women can make 1 baby a year.

Men can inseminate daily.

Women's optimal evolutionary strategy is to look for the top men.

Men's optimal evolutionary strategy is to look for women least likely to have already mated with other men.

LotBuilder · 2023-12-29T04:08:46+00:00

There are very real consequences to trying to steal another guys girl. Women will do it and might do some passive aggressive battle but some men will try to kill you. I almost got stabbed to death when I was 20 due to a woman failing to mention she was married. If some guy has a beautiful woman good for him. I don’t even mess with women who dated a acquaintance in the past. Too many other options.

WilliamWyattD · 2023-12-29T04:58:07+00:00

Because men's attraction criteria are so heavily weighted towards qualities that pre-selection has little impact on: mainly appearance and some personality traits.

Women's criteria are more evenly weighted among a much wider selection of physical and other traits, many of which are very difficult to sus out. So pre-selection has a much bigger impact.

hannahflower · 2023-12-29T05:24:26+00:00

I noticed this with celebrity men, they like to seriously date women that other celebrities dated first.

Ian_Campbell · 2023-12-29T05:35:44+00:00

Men will tend to avoid women who behave dangerously

AceOfSpadesGymBro3 · 2023-12-29T09:39:45+00:00

It's not so much that a man is taken that matters. What women try to evaluate right away is if a man is in high demand. To do this, they go by behavioral clues much more than by physical appearances although the latter do count as well. That's why things such as whether the man appears needy, too available, too eager, etc. are so important to women. These can show that a man is not in high demand by other women and therefore, her interest drops.

Men evaluate female desirability based on her physical features, which are important because women carry the baby and we evaluate for physical and reproductive fitness. All things that men usually find attractive can be attributed back to reproductive fitness, such as an hourglass figure, hip to waist ratio, breast and buttock size and shape, lips, skin and hair, etc.

MotleyCrew1989 · 2023-12-29T11:46:17+00:00

Bro code.

Swaggy_Buff · 2023-12-29T15:19:40+00:00

The real world isn’t as simple as you’re making it out to be, OP.

esdebah · 2023-12-29T16:01:17+00:00

Jesus Christ. Family Guy has an entire character based around this. The whole cuckolding thing yr all into is based around this. What the fuck are you talking about? Men find taken women attractive for the same host of reasons women do the opposite. It is a human thing. This person is proven to be a good mate by that other person I hold esteem for, I can imagine relations with them without commitment, the illicitness of coupling with them is a dangerous turn-on...etc. To gender this pointlessly takes a lot of fucking work, friend.

domdomdom333 · 2023-12-30T03:34:44+00:00

Two things.

It does affect men but only past a certain age. Men would be weary of a woman who hasn't been in a relationship ever past the age of 30.

Throughout history, men have preferred women who haven't been in relationships when they can afford to choose, most of the time to guarantee that their child will be genetically his. The clean slate mentality and preference prevails still.

Hosj_Karp · 2023-12-31T10:52:38+00:00

matters less to men for sure but the guys here claiming they don't care at all about validation from their friends (or strangers) for getting with the "hot girl" are lying (to themselves probably)

Local-Writer2588 · 2024-01-01T05:44:19+00:00

Women seem to care a lot more about what other people think than men do.

Peacesquad · 2024-01-01T07:17:30+00:00

Because biologically women don’t really compete for men but men compete for women. Also we don’t need women to be verified by other men because a man’s hardwired mission is to impregnate and secure resources for woman and offspring. To accomplish this a man’s hardwired to want to fuck a fertile young(obviously legal age, feminists) woman. A young woman existing is her verification at least enough for a man’s mating strategy

Title	Why doesn't pre-selection affect men too?
Author	Glass_Bucket
Upvotes	22
Comments	168
Date	December 28, 2023 9:57 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/18t5rr9/why_doesnt_preselection_affect_men_too/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/why-doesnt-pre-selection-affect-men-too.1241757 https://theredarchive.com/post/1241757

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