Cold approach from a girl's perspective

kamax19 · 2020-06-25T21:54:24+00:00

I think a lot of guys should read this

aspiretobeinspired · 2020-06-25T22:50:43+00:00

I'm a guy 26m. You make a great point and i appreciate you posting this because guy love hearing the girls side of things. My question that i dont get it, if a guy wants to cold approach you, how can you "meet them first" if you never met them. We as men basically come up to you and compliment a look because we dont know what else to say. We're not trying to be creepy or cliche, but if you (and i'm sure many other girls) dont like that approach, than how else should we go about it to randomly come up to a girl and start a convo?

mvscribe · 2020-06-26T14:41:19+00:00

No, it's not just you and it's not just cultural.

Men: Treat women as people first. We're all human. Don't open with lines that you wouldn't use to start a conversation with a man.

Pay attention to her response, and respect her point of view.

It's pretty basic stuff.

quietsam · 2020-06-25T22:37:37+00:00

Normally I live by this ideology:

If you want to learn how to catch a fish, talk to a fisherman not a fish.

However, this is solid, sound, reasonable advice.

ternaryoperators · 2020-06-26T21:10:11+00:00

I have a couple points to explain why a guy approaches in that manner.

As you said yourself, his motives are very clear when he begins with a compliment like that; that's the point. Stating intent in that way sets the context of the interaction to a masculine/feminine, sexual-esque interaction.

I think there is a spectrum of women who like cold approach with clear intent, all the way to women like yourself who don't appreciate it, and that's fine - that's all a part of your personality.

Which brings me to point 2, having a clear intent filters women out. She will either appreciate that a stranger complimented her and is intrigued to know more, or she won't and will be turned off, and not want to participate in the conversation. That's totally fine too.

I think what I'm hearing from you is you appreciate a more subtle style of seduction where it's not so direct. That's a part of your personality and your preference. (And honestly I think the majority of people would prefer the more subtle style) but a lot of guys on this forum have had a significant failure in their past attracting someone they were really attracted too. And more often then not were "friend zoned" by that person. More often than not they take an extremely subtle approach, so much so that you probably just think that they want to be friends. In reality the guy is too afraid to make his intentions known in any way. This is the third point:

3: Being direct helps timid guys become comfortable expressing their sexuality. If they can overcome their fear of telling a stranger that they think they are pretty, and the whole world doesn't end, and there's a chance you could make that girl's day, well then that helps them realize it's ok to have a masculine sexuality, which gives them the confidence to express that in ordinary circumstances where they could get to know someone in the more subtle ways you prefer.

But there's also a different side to this coin. A lot of people appreciate getting straight to the point. If a guy is looking to hookup with a girl at the club one night, all he has to do is find a girl who is also interested in finding a guy to hookup with. Being direct as mentioned above is a very good strategy to set the intent of the conversation, and to filter out the women who don't want that.

Anyways, I hope that helps at least explain why a guy would choose to be direct. Thanks for sharing your perspective too.

STD_Tyler · 2020-06-26T11:36:41+00:00

What if Brad Pitt in approached you and told you "Hey you are pretty?" , would you feel "attacked by the compliment" ?

shinn497 · 2020-06-26T01:12:31+00:00

I have never col approached as I am afraid of freaking you guys out. But here is my perspective.

I kind of hate to say this. But us approaching you .... isn't about you. Any guy that approaches you has heard 1000 accounts of women being approached by creeppy men. Basically every women I have ever met has told me this, including my mother. But these women don't really have solutions for how to successfully meet them. I literally get advice that says, "The way to meet women is to know when to not approach them." or something. Also, in aggregate, if you union the advice, you could reason to never approach women. Some women say coffee shops are ok but subways aren't. Some say subways are fine but coffee shops aren't. etc. etc. Some says headphones are fine but some say they aren't. etc. etc. If you go strictly on whta women say, you'd basically never talk to them.

So this is why I say it isn't about you. Like you specifically. You aren't all women. There are situations where women would be open to being approached. Or there are approaches that could go well if they were powered through. Also us men have to get over approach anxiety , which is a ridiculously powerful feeling. I am willing to bet a lot of the "hey I think you are pretty" approaches are just that. We can't just flip a switch inside to develop confidence. We are human beings with fears and emotions, and those fears need to be overcome. Not only that. People are constantly giving us reason to be more fearful. Constantly.

The bars and clubs thing is kind of weird. I think , lowkey, this is to suggest that alchohol will make approaching and socializing easier. But I think that is a bit dangerous as alcohol means you are more likely to have a guy that won't respect you or your boundaries. An approach in a normal setting means you are more likely to meet a normal guy.

The thing is. Settings, situations, body language, etc. etc. are all hugely variable. What may apply in a park in new york , might not apply to a street corner in missouri, or to a subway in london. That is the issue with this advice . There are so many variables. But us guys are the constant. So saying we should rethink, reassess, and make sure we know when it is ok is just going to make us less confident, more likely to second guess, and more likely to fail. What we need to do is practice and develop the skill of reading body language and social cues. And that means lots of approaches and lots of awkward approaches. I'm sorry. But it is what it is. No one is going to do it but us.

RoseCapone · 2020-06-26T00:27:14+00:00

I 100% agree with everything OP said. If a guy approaches me and his first comment is about my looks or appearance, I will nope right on out there as I feel uncomfortable and unsafe. An approach like that comes across as sexualised and can creep women out. But if its a friendly greeting with a comment about something nuetral like where we are, the crowd, the music or even the weather - thats a great starting point. People sometimes forget that you have to also "like" the person you are dating.

RavenNight16 · 2020-06-25T23:32:08+00:00

I feel the same way. I have a partner, but if someone approaches in a friendly way and wants my number, I’m 100% open to giving it to them and letting them know I’m not available but I’m open to friendship. They can either say “okay” or “nah.” I have made great friends that way. I’ve even dated guys who approached me this way in the past, because it feels like they want to get know me.

But if a guy approaches me telling me I’m attractive, I use my partner as an excuse not to talk. I panic, too. I like to browse this sub because it’s entertaining and gives me good ideas to use with my partner, but some of the things I see make me think of how I’d feel if I was approached. Honestly, strange men telling me I’m attractive as a greeter makes me so anxious. Even if they don’t mean to harm me and are nice, I’m always worried there’s that chance they aren’t.

StoneColdJane · 2020-06-26T12:13:34+00:00

I did all the Day game shit, and night approaches but for me, it just never works out for one reason or another. When I started doing stuff I like and pursuing hobbies and other activities then a lot of stuff auto-corrected. Girls that were around where much more in context of my interests and personality, giving us a better headstart to succeed, not to mention they was never in the hurry. When you have a moving target you have much harder job then when not.

What I observed from male, and female friends the same thing happened. People who chase girls in clubs, they usually get laid but girls don't fit them whatsoever, they are usually with some emotional scars or some other personality issues.

I always theorized this is what they get by approaching in those settings.

Cocobender · 2020-06-26T02:49:00+00:00

lying about having a boyfriend

One of my old coworkers(my age, early 20s), told me that at her previous job(customer service at a car dealership), she would constantly get hit on by middle-age+ guys. Most of the time she told them that she was lesbian. She said one guy responded it with “I don’t mind”.

Not unrelated: I don’t remember the exact wording but some guy said something like “you sounded pretty on the phone so I had to come see you”. Again middle-aged and she had talked to him on the phone a few hours prior.

Honestly, it’s kind of disgusting to hear.

nizzy090 · 2020-06-26T11:58:55+00:00

I agree with all your points! I only leave the house to go somewhere, so if you talk to me while I'm on the move and not when I've arrived at my location, I probably won't be too happy to talk.

szarejungen · 2020-06-26T01:02:53+00:00

I'm so glad you posted this! I would only add that I think men who cold approach women don't seem to consider the fear factor. It doesn't matter what a man's intentions are, because violence against women is still very prevalent, women are often taught or conditioned to be wary of strange men. I've seen so many cringe posts on this sub that talk about getting in the numbers and practicing cold approaching until they feel confident without any regard for how they might've ruined so many women's days. A random guy who comes up to talk to me could be the kindest, sweetest person in the world, but there's no way for me to know that with any certainty, at least not in that first interaction. And so I'm not thinking "hey this guy's cute and nice," I'm thinking "where's my escape route, how can I protect myself if this gets dangerous."

I'm not saying that cold approaching is always wrong, but just take a minute to consider how an interaction with a stranger might impact the other person. For the cis het guys out there, that means considering how a lone woman feels when she perceives that a larger man is following her or wants something from her.

Radicalmattitude1 · 2020-06-26T00:45:19+00:00

That’s a pretty fair and honest assessment. I just want to shed some light on the reasoning behind “direct” approaching (stating your attraction at the beginning). Just because a guy is compelled to talk to you because of your looks doesn’t mean that that’s the only reason he’s open to meeting someone new.

Think about it, if a guy is just sees you walking down the street and thinks “gee that girl is attractive, I wonder what she’s like...” the most authentic thing he could do is simply state that to you. That doesn’t necessarily mean he just sees you as a physical object. It just means that your looks caught his eye. If done properly, the direct approach should come off as a kind of “full disclosure” statement to start off a convo and meet someone new.

Don’t get me wrong, some guys are desperate and fall in love with every attractive girl they see. But obviously, desperation is not an attractive trait and is something that is actively discouraged in seduction. If a guy comes off as needy in his approach, he has deeper issues to sort out unfortunately.

Being in a hurry is something nobody can help. If a guy comes up to you when you’re on your way to work, there’s no way he could no that for sure. A simple “Hey sorry I’d love to chat but I’m going to work” should prompt him to say “Alright no worries, have a great day”. Then you both continue on with no harm done.

The flip side is that most guys are extremely anxious about approaching women, so their brains are really good at making up reason’s why they shouldn’t do it. Common examples “Oh she probably has a boyfriend” , “She’s probably in a hurry”, “she looks like she’s in a bad mood”. The only way to know if any of this is true is to ACTUALLY GO AND TALK TO HER. This is why the way to learn how to get over approach anxiety is to literally go and talk to every attractive girl you see until you know that your brain isn’t talking you out of it.

Eventually, if you approach enough women in various situations, you develop something called “social awareness”. This is basically what you’re talking about at the end of your post - just to know what the social environment demands and how to interact with people fluidly in any place or time.

YowanDuLac · 2020-06-26T11:08:44+00:00

Yes, madam, yes!

The context is super important : timing and surroundings decide almost everything!

SundaySermon · 2020-06-26T03:29:48+00:00

I almost exclusively do direct approach (there are plenty of times when I find something more interesting and take that route). When I do, I'll frequently give women an out, especially if she genuinely looks rushed: "You look like you're in a hurry/I'm totally holding you up/etc." Interestingly enough, they rarely take it and I'm usually able to lead the conversation from there.

Granted my approach isn't "You're pretty!!! What's your name?" Or worse "You're cute. Give me your phone number."

I give a basic compliment "You looked good/interesting/etc." and then "I just wanted to meet you." A lot women don't even remember the first few words you say to them. And if you're a good enough conversationalist, they honestly don't matter.

Worth noting: I get plenty of numbers and dates.

maramara18 · 2020-06-26T11:28:41+00:00

As a girl, I completely agree, but my reaction is even stronger to "wow hey you're pretty"... I get super freaked out and feel also kinda talked down to, as if I was nothing more than my looks, and it kinda creates a picture that the guy is really shallow even though he might not be like this at all in reality. It just creates a very negative first impression, and regardless of the guy my reaction is always either "I'm in a hurry, but thanks", "I have a boyfriend" and just some other excuse to GTFO.

Guys, just talk to girls as if they are normal people, it's a simple lesson :)

DoogzLen · 2020-06-26T15:35:29+00:00

Great post👍🏽

lolopolo999 · 2020-06-30T06:07:48+00:00

Imma call out a fair amount if bullshit on this. You might not like it and thats all good, however i know a lot of girls who'd love to be approached by someone they find attractive as long as they're respectful and not pushy. Hell one of my female friends got a hookup from a guy she approached herself at a shopping center. One of my other acquaintances is married to a guy she met at the line of a taco bell. Ive been compliemented by girls on streets and i wish I'd have talked to them at that time.Hell ive been pushed by my female friends to approach girls in subway when i was with them and i was too shy to do it. If they didnt like it themselves they wouldn't tell me to do it right.(?)Something which might not work on you will work on someone else. If you're the right man, the situation ,surrounding doesnt matter, what the other persons mindset is all that matters. You dont miss your chances. You only recall the bad experiences, however if the right man came along you'd probably forget all of em.Dont be creepy and shoot your shot is the only advice. If she likes it good , if not move to the next one. Its all subjective. Dont limit yourself people..

Mikel_D_Kovas · 2020-07-27T03:39:43+00:00

Men need to stop approaching women all together. Randomly approaching stangers is viewed as pedatory no matter what atmosphere you are in. Its best to let women approach you in this day and age

hadeals · 2020-06-26T01:28:54+00:00

I am a lady and I agree with this. I have an irrational fear of being kidnapped (I’m small okay) and a cold approach like this makes me fearful more than anything

impendinggreatness · 2020-06-26T02:00:04+00:00

This is it. What most would consider ‘smooth’ is really just starting a conversation from an organic point, and getting to know them, rather than seeing someone hot and trying to make everything you say a straight line to date/sex

sporty_socks · 2020-06-26T05:20:21+00:00

I (32f) want to share the worst cold approaches ever.

Gas station, letting me cut and line and then following me to my car. Fucking creepy.

Gas station while I’m pumping gas and it’s late at night, dude tried to invite me to smoke hookah.

Gym parking lot. Unexpected and it was hot AF and I was tired/wanted to gtfo.

Outside of taco truck waiting on my food and dude knocked on my window. Really creepy and I couldn’t leave because I was waiting on food.

As a woman I feel very vulnerable to danger in a parking lot/car because I’m afraid of being followed or not making it to my car. It’s not a place we feel comfortable.

VDKay · 2020-06-26T10:54:11+00:00

well, yes, you have a point. We say here to guys again and again that the only think that's important is how you make her feel. The truth is that it's highly likely that guys at the bar or supermarket come to talk to you again only because of your physical attraction and nothing else (which is not bad. That's how attraction works. The attraction switches are predominantly physical, especially for males. He likes you and that's a reason to want to get to know you). The fact that it's a more relaxed setting will make you feel less like it, but it may not be the case all things considered.

In the end, with proper social calibration and flirting techniques, it does not matter where a guys approaches. It's more likely that you (or any girl) will be in a hurry and less receptive on the street, but proper game can make him catch your attention, communicate, flirt with you, and ultimately elicit the same attraction feelings to you. I don't mean that it will work with everybody (as with anything here because there are countless parameters). All I want to say that your post is no reason for guys to stop approaching on the street. It only highlights the fact that it's more difficult and requires more skill, yes, but it's still possible.

StoneColdJane · 2020-06-26T11:56:52+00:00

Hey OP, I never understood thing with laying about a boyfriend. Have you tried, "Thanks for compliments but I'm not interested whatsoever"

corya45 · 2020-06-26T14:35:54+00:00

(19m)I understand the perspective and why it’s uncomfortable to be/feel objectified because of your gender. It definitely blows and if there was a way to judge a person not by the way they look I think people would do it. The problem is that all the guy has to go on is the way the girl looks from across the street, bar, whatever. To me it feels like I’m deceiving the girl if I go up to her and talk shit for 5 min and THEN say your pretty can I get your number.

akrolina · 2020-06-26T15:32:08+00:00

Basically the whole post is about the fact that you should always have a reason to talk to someone new beside "I think you are pretty" because we girls grew up being told by our dads (or other people who cared about us) that looks don't matter and that we should be around people who likes the way our brain works and find us interesting.

njptoo86 · 2020-06-26T16:17:22+00:00

This is useful

YetzirahToAhssiah · 2020-06-26T18:43:17+00:00

Thanks a lot for your perspective.

2020-06-26T20:16:01+00:00

Agreed. This cold approach technique really freaks me out because when random men come up to me and start talking to me I do not know if they will escalate the situation if I reject them. I almost always will reject them because i’m not looking to chat with some random man if i’m walking somewhere/eating/shopping, thus I feel trapped because I have to play nice by talking to him while also getting myself out of the situation safely.

Not to mention it’s annoying as fuck, leave me alone!

Shampagkne · 2020-07-02T13:05:16+00:00

Excellent advice.

PolePosition_Nate · 2020-07-02T20:15:36+00:00

Awesome thanks for the great info so us men might know what women maybe thinking when being approached

juice--- · 2020-07-04T05:31:32+00:00

Ok this is the first post I’ve been on this subreddit so not sure what the cold approach thing is but to be quite honest- it doesn’t sound far from cat-calling and let me clarify to the men out here- do NOT CAT CALL. Do not call out to a random woman on the street to make a comment about her appearance or to say hello. People don’t find it flattering or hot or any of those things.

Rain-3 · 2021-11-23T20:52:19+00:00

Yo this is gold. We need more of these types of posts. I appreciate you taking your time and writing this.

slightlycloseted · 2020-06-26T02:22:49+00:00

he's already stating, in his very first words to me, that he's only talking to me because he's thinking of me in a "date material" sort of way. And it makes me kind of uncomfortable, because I'd rather meet you first, talk to you about things, get to know your character and your charisma, and THEN ask you out or be asked out on a date (or give you my phone number/be given yours).

But isn't that what dates are for? To talk about things, get to know someone's character and charisma? I don't really understand the thought-process behind this that we're supposed to know someone first before we want to get to know them...... That's not how meeting new people works. If people are only resigned to their social circles or coworkers (don't do it), some people would not be able to branch out at a certain point and they'd be stuck until they met someone at work or their friends met someone new.

Sorry but this kind of view seems a bit narrow-minded. There's no set of rules in which things have to happen in certain ways. You either accept someone approaching you or you don't and move on with your life.

Tl;dr when cold approaching a girl, consider your surroundings (if it's an approach-friendly place), the timing (if it's not busy work hours etc.) and your opening line (if you're not 'attacking' her with compliments rather than starting an interesting conversation).

A lot of people don't really think about this when approaching. They don't know your current life situation or what you're doing. They just know that the chance of them meeting you again is probably pretty slim so they have to act on it or else they might never see that person again, and sometimes those chances turn into something. The odds of seeing someone that you might want to see again drop to zero if you don't shoot your shot, and life is a one-time deal. We don't get a second chance.

Edit: To add, I personally don't approach anyone unless I have a reason to, so I'm just speaking to the other side of reason here. Your post is reasonable, but it's only one side of the story.

thrashourumov · 2020-06-26T00:55:28+00:00

Thanks, does confirm why I've been wary of many of those cold-approach tips and empty complimenting in totally random places.

bradlav · 2020-06-26T01:36:51+00:00

Most helpful observation from a female perspective. Thanks! Nervousness makes you forget the most basic of things.

2020-06-26T01:40:58+00:00

I couldn’t agree with this more. I always try to go the indirect route so I don’t startle the girls as much as if I just walk up to her and tell her she’s hot. It’s more smooth that way. Then, after having a short conversation, I say something like “hey, we should get a drink or coffee sometime, why don’t we exchange contact information.”

2020-06-26T11:53:26+00:00

Guys be like: Hi, what is your name? Where is the nearest Starbucks? HAHA, jk, I just wanted to say you are pretty. Wanna hang out?... cringe

7Saturn7Saturn7 · 2020-06-25T22:39:41+00:00

Startled and wanted to leave: this is why you time gate by saying you need to go soon too as that reduces the pressure of "when is this ending" off, esentially you should be pulling a Columbo "just one more thing" until you read that the girl is no longer uncomfortable about time pressure.

Feel like they only want sex/like you for your body: this is why going indirect is best but also the hardest since you have to come up with a good reason for approach and then transition to escalating. Going direct is best for newcomers as it gets you to the seduction part of the interaction right away so you can practice that. If you go direct London daygame has a good framework in that you focus on vibing afterwards to cushion the shock of the direct open.

Like being approached in supermarket etc: Yes that's best but some girls you only get a chance with on the street, that's just the way the cookie crumbles.

shanuv12 · 2020-06-26T00:52:56+00:00

I think its about how genuinely you say it rather than what you say. I do not think there is nothing wrong to say to a woman that she looks pretty but the caviet is that it has to be genuine and is what you are feeling in the moment. I have given compliments of all kinds to women and as per my experience they appreciate it cuz they were genuine. But i do not necessarily disagree with your points on a woman rushing to work and was stopped by some random dude. Thats where the social skill part comes into play. As a man i would personally avoid approaching woman who seems to be in a hurry but i appreciate you taking time and sharing your perspective on this subject. Thank you!

2020-06-26T03:36:18+00:00

I agree that saying straightforward to a girl she's pretty is not the best way to approach, but please notice the guys who succeeded had the same intent as the guys who didn't, the difference was they made her feel there were something else besides looks in the interaction (which is not necessarily a bad thing, btw), in short, their game was better and she was played.

Same with approaching someone who is in her way to work, college, etc. Theoretically, it's a nuisance, but if your game is good, you'll become more important than the other thing she has to do, or if you're smooth enough, you can accompany her and get a number before she reaches her place.

Finally, you may not succeed, but Seduction is a skill, and you learn skills by repetition so don't wait for the perfect moment to talk to girls, just do it, at best you'll meet someone new and at worst, you'll lose your approach anxiety, which is better than meeting 10 girls because it will give you even more girls in the future.

slightlycloseted · 2020-06-26T00:56:42+00:00

Thanks for sharing that! I hope you find love:)

tretchman · 2020-06-26T03:33:55+00:00

lets be real if a guy who looked like Chris Hemsworth complimented you on your appearance you wouldn't gaf

miyagikai91 · 2020-06-26T03:54:32+00:00

Yet another post of advice I’ve needed for years. That’s another problem with me, my cold approaches have been tone deaf and awkward. I didn’t approach wanting a human connection in general, I approached as a needy guy lower key thirsty for sex and validation. I don’t think I could count the number of girls I’ve put off like this. Maybe like a lot of them actually would have given me a chance if I hadn’t been subtly creepy. A big problem in general with me is my inability to just establish a real connection with women instead of giving in to my worst fears and insecurities of being brushed off and abandoned. Something I’ve dealt with since early childhood :(. I want to get over this, so my post debacle life can be better.

I appreciate this post. This is yet another thing more of us guys need to be considerate about.

rannn7 · 2020-06-26T05:03:46+00:00

I'm a 35 yo guy with minimal cold approach experience. As I never know what to say or where to start, the way you've explained this makes a lot of sense. Thank you, I'll give it a shot.

bluMidge · 2020-06-26T06:09:18+00:00

Indeed. This is spot-on from a male perspective. I call it downright creepy.

And then you mentioned regular conversations that just had flow, and were not threatening and the ones that do not do this, I mean God bless them, and they have larger issues than just stopping you and making you a little late than they're even aware of.

"They give love a bad name!" ^just ruined a fairly thought out lil response. *Bon Jovi sobs.

moarliekfyf · 2020-06-26T06:18:35+00:00

As a woman, thank you for posting this.

2020-06-26T07:23:45+00:00

When approaching, you need to personalize the approach for each woman. Tell her exactly why you want to speak to her, don't just say she is pretty. Rationalize in your head why you think she's attractive. Maybe it's the totally business focused look that she is pulling off that drives you crazy or the hippy clothing or the very carefree vibe she seems to give off or the totally cool shoes she is wearing, something x,y,z about her. Make it something personal to her.

We as men can be told we are handsome, but what does that mean to us? Sure, it's nice to get it as a compliment but I remember compliments that were made about something endearing to me much better than a generic "handsome" compliment.

EDIT: and from your opener, you may move directly into a topic following up said comment you made

123mec · 2020-06-26T08:01:11+00:00

THISSSSS.

Nov51605 · 2020-06-26T13:38:36+00:00

Im normally averse to dating advice from women due to many of them idealizing or acting completely oppposite of what they say, But this post here is very solid advice

pgken · 2020-06-26T13:39:25+00:00

I appreciate you posting this. It’s very important to hear the female perspective. Personally I would never cold approach someone just walking down the street, unless there was some accidental interaction somehow.

Location is important for the cold approach. Asking someone to dance in a club scene has always been essentially a cold approach. In a bar where there are women in small groups, yes.

I get looks in bar situations (fortunately). I don’t see anything wrong with approaching a woman who gives me an extended look. What would I say when I approach? I would probably complement her. She obviously looked at me because she physically liked my look. I should be able to honestly complement her.

I only want women that find me physically attractive. That might sound selfish but at the same time I know I am attractive. Why would I waste time trying to influence a woman that just isn’t initially interested?

Along those lines, I don’t like to pick up excessively drunk girls. They aren’t seeing the real me. They are looking through the bottom of a shot glass.

Indianbro · 2020-06-26T13:48:42+00:00

gave me a chance to escape them without saying that I'm not interested (it's actually quite hard to tell such a thing to someone) or lying about having a boyfriend (that only happens when a guy is too persisent)

Sounds like way too much effort and work for just a girl to make a "yes" or "no" decision. Hell, the fact that you'd have to lie about having a boyfriend to get out of a situation seems flawed from the beginning. That's basically setting yourself up for failure. If you go in with that expectation, I can see why you would find a guy complimenting you on your looks "creepy" or "offensive." Honestly, I could care less about women trying to test me like that, I'd rather just have them tell how they feel exactly instead of lying or making up excuses to cover up their feelings. That doesn't help a guy improve for next time, and makes him resent even approaching women

suenho · 2020-06-26T13:53:29+00:00

I lived in a very "barrio" enviroment in my childhood, there was this character , i don't remember his name, but everytime a woman would walk beside him he would do something funny or say something really clever (like for real) to them.

He is the only dude i've seen in my entire life that placed his jacket on the floor for a woman. Like no cringe at all and i mean it. The thing about he is that he always made them laugh and they kept walking by his shop everyday.

Very old school sir, i hope he is healthy during this social distancing.

idkjustgivemeone · 2020-06-26T16:45:32+00:00

I was at a church camp one year (perfect dating scene right? Lol.) and I met this guy with three first names (like John Juan James), real romantic stuff, he played guitar and sang too. Anyway, we only talked once and it was just casual conversation but I’m pretty shy so I gave off kind of an “I’m busy and not interested” vibe matched with my rbf. Well the last day of our church camp getaway, he asked for my Snapchat.

Long story short, I gave a really cute Christian boy my Snapchat only to be ghosted months later :).

He later told me after he broke up with his new female interest that he missed me. Yeah okay bud.

slightlycloseted · 2020-06-26T16:48:04+00:00

From what this 20 year old girl is writing here my conclusion is she had plenty of hookups :o

MrMerder · 2020-06-26T17:11:47+00:00

You're right, but then again most guys can't drink as well as they think they can, or play pool as well as they think they can, or drive as well as they think they can... So they over-estimate their ability. As opposed to a "you're hot, what's your name?" Try a "sorry to bother you, but I had to tell you how beauty you look today. Sorry to bother you." And walk away. If she doesn't have time, she'll remember you cuz you didn't thrust a compliment at her. You said she was pretty and immediately apologized for taking her time and you walked away. If she has time and likes you, she'll stay. If not, she'll remember you for next time when you can get a wave for a smile. It opens doors to be charming and stuff, but having a smart approach is unbeatable.

youlovejoeDesign · 2020-06-26T17:13:45+00:00

I can't imagine the sausage party Ina girls tinder dms.

2020-06-26T18:01:27+00:00

back before i was married, i did notice a lot of the time when i just conversed with a woman at a bar or wherever that they'd end up showing interest in me a while later. just talk to people, and if they're interested they'll let you know.

sporty_socks · 2020-06-26T18:32:30+00:00

The main thing is keeping it short. Also you should only do it if this is like the girl of your dreams situation. Otherwise dating apps work too.

On dating apps you pretty much have to ask the girl out for drinks right away for it to work. Dinner is a bit too formal and coffee is too informal. Also a little alcohol helps with the social aspect. Don’t do too much small talk on the app either, women get lots of matches and it’s cumbersome to have 5+ basic conversations. Meeting in person will make you more real to them and they are more likely to not forget about you.

Hope this helps!

2020-06-26T20:08:37+00:00

So basically pursue aggressively. It’s a number game. Got it.

ClearanceItem · 2020-06-26T20:20:45+00:00

This. Too many posts on this sub use the 'hunt down' method for lack of a better term. Your post is spot on. BTW, what's on your tote bag? :D

RedDeAngelo · 2020-06-26T20:37:21+00:00

No one is getting the opener doesnt matter at all, its a crux for guys to approach, what matters is the conversation, she is either open to having a conversation or isnt, if she feels weirded out by your opener, 90% of the time, no opener would work. Yeh situational openers are usually the best, but its not always available.

Saxon2010 · 2020-06-26T21:19:18+00:00

This is common sense to me but I appreciate the post because there are others who could really benefit from it.

Cotton_420 · 2020-06-26T23:32:55+00:00

Just be pragmatic about it, if you can bring a more organic way to start a conversation do that (listed in op), if not possible then compliment her about something else than her looks if all else fails because the above is not applicable tell her you think she is cute. What other options do you have besides not to say anything?

Another thing to remember the op is a 20 year old from central Europe who clearly gets alot attention from men and more than likely is very attractive and would prefer to be seen more than her looks, which is fair enough. Alot of women don't get nearly the same attention/compliments/validation so may be a bit more receptive when they do.

thrwawy09007 · 2020-06-27T06:58:56+00:00

as I say, I am always opened to hearing women's opinions, but I don't and will never live by those opinions/advice for men. Every woman I've slept and been with, I've always asked what they wouldn't like about men and many times they are so clueless that I've done those things and are with them. One of the girls I was with told me she'd say no immediately to a guy she just met at a bar and he asks her out early without talking much because it's weird. She literally forgot I did just that with her and she was so opened and even reminded me that our first date was coming up back then. It's interesting hearing the women's side, but in my experience, that's all it is, something interesting but not something of advice I would or men should really live by 100 percent.

johnnycu95 · 2020-06-28T22:36:08+00:00

Thank you dear. I still believe men should still respectful compliment the women they find atttactive without forcing conversation or trying to stop them.

WmArchesG · 2020-06-29T14:01:02+00:00

You say this in a context of being rushing etc, now stop and think - if this was a guy you WERE attracted to.. would it be the same? would you even remember being in a "rush" ? of course not. youd be enjoying flirting with a guy you are attracted to and who is clearly attracted to you.

for guys, being direct is THE way to go... cuts the B.S, gets to the point, it is polarising, and you will know if shes into you or not fairly quickly. if not then you move to the next. simple. takes a bit of courage to do so. hence why most dont because they lack courage.

you can successfully seduce women by being direct or "indirect" as this girl states SHE personally prefers. some girls prefer that. others prefer being direct. both work. no "one size fits all"

also: to correct the "attack" you with compliments part. you obviously prefer men to be indirect. which is fine. however, it must be said that there are many high value, and self confident women who will LOVE a man who can walk up and compliment her directly.

2020-07-03T02:58:36+00:00

Going direct with compliment like "excuse me, this a bit random but I thought you looked really nice so I wanted to come over and say hi," is used a last resort if your mind goes blank and you don't know what to say. When it's this direct, you're meant to say what you find nice about her, "What i noticed about you...". Maybe what she's wearing, her hair etc. to make her think that you her that you chose her and you didn't approach other women that day. That's how the daygame coaches teach it.

Personally, I usually only feel like approaching women when I see indicators of interest. Not just looks, because there are many women out there who are good-looking. I'm intuitive so i usally feel a gut feeling which tells me when there is an opportunity.

alchemi22 · 2020-07-09T16:19:58+00:00

So how am I suppose to talk to random girls I see? “Hi I saw you standing here and thought you looked cool”? I’m confused af this sounds backwards

2020-07-10T22:03:14+00:00

This sub is beyond lame tbh, I browse once, then get a recommendation and see lame comments. Idk how to redo guys to talk to women, being charismatic is something you're either both with or learn as a kid. "Game" doesn't exist. Pua is for 12 year old boys. So much for a sub called seduction, you'd think you'd hear talk about sex more than pua nonsense. Shameful really, the pua guys here make all of us men look bad

a_g_n_e_s · 2020-07-11T19:38:19+00:00

I am always scared as hell.Just don't do it! Or do it non creepy way. It happend like 3 times to me and i always thought I am gonna scream for help if he won't leave me alone.

Queen-of-meme · 2020-07-12T16:59:24+00:00

As a woman. I prefer to be the one to take initiative, having guys approaching me all the time is just tiring honestly.

captsqr · 2020-07-12T18:13:55+00:00

Boring 🤪🤯

2020-07-12T23:41:30+00:00

honestly, this post made so much sense to me [M], but when she said compliments about looks aren't as Nice and are superficial and sexually oriented, I was confused kinda, cuz 1) if I was walking and a girl walks up to me and tells me she's into me physically and attracted to me, I'd feel so great regardless of my attraction to her (but I guess we're different in someway) 2) if that came as superficial,I'm sorry I don't have as much cards to play, like I'm a stranger to you you're a stranger to me too, I don't know anything about you to compliment you on (other than your looks wich I'm seeing), and that's why I'm here in front of you (to know a lil bit more about u right?), otherwise I woulda just told you or shouted "You look great" from a distance and moved on lol right?

ANW nice post tho I liked your way of telling your opinion and mentioning how it's based on your personal experience :)

Shturec91 · 2020-07-13T01:03:12+00:00

I most what agree with you OC in that exact scenario on the street based on your emotional state. But... You should not feel startled or weirded out from conversation openers on Physical appearance, because as a man I do like to be honest and I like to point out that physical attraction as soon as I can. I find that as a primary motivation for men to approach a woman. Should I hide it, now reading that I can be perceived as aggressive or needy? I dont think so! A smart woman can learn to dress well and put effort in picking up accessories, but thats not enough for me as a man. If I am looking to meet a new girl for a friend or a date I Must find her pretty or sexy or... Basically everything that was given by nature and cant be altered. Is it not true that a lot of confident women are putting a lot of effort and emotional investment in their appearance as a social norm and a good characteristic to have? After all we are rational and emotional beings and the chill out conversation starters on the street or anywhere else out of bars and clubs is really 50/50 whether it weirds you out or not and I can argue with you about the times you actually liked it (if any) that it was based on a natural attraction mechanism that we can't yet specifically point out or explain how it works I've seen such women and as a man who should initiate as a rule of the thumb : You look beautifull/sexy/pretty etc is the only genuine thought that comes to my mind. So let our selves cut some slack. In these (for me magical) situations let both genders be more receptive and have better understanding of how attraction works.

anddav23 · 2020-07-15T20:55:49+00:00

Genuine question what should a guy say if he wants to know someone because I usually trip up on myself because I'm not good at starting a conversation unless someone else starts it. Would asking what anime you like be ok?

2020-07-16T05:59:10+00:00

I appreciate you saying this I (M20) have never really liked the cold approach. I’ve never been too good with word play and tbh, all the success I’ve had with getting to genuinely know women have been when I’ve just been getting to know them in a laid back setting, or sometimes on accident: one time was me literally and GENUINELY getting some homework help, and I ended up making a new friend. Another was a bus buddy in high school and I talk to her every now and then. I think you already said this as well, but there are is a right and WRONG way to do this cold approach and my understanding is quite a few guys go about it the wrong way.

2020-07-18T01:28:04+00:00

I and my pals met 2 girls of my Oberstufe (somewhat like HS) after 3 years at a outdoor bar 2 weeks ago.

Both aren't single. My pal got hella drunk and told one of the girls constantly how pretty she is. She was annoyed af and we all cringed hard.

Yeah, she was sweet but i assume she knows that.

Kujodado · 2020-07-19T04:49:20+00:00

This is really great advice thnx for the perspective!

TemplarKnightXII · 2020-07-26T01:44:13+00:00

(24M) My experience as a guy is pretty much similar to what you’re talking about. I have approached women on the street before, when I did while they were walking, it didn’t actually scare them. I would usually notice like maybe they boots they’re wearing and maybe ask them about their bags (since a lot of them have their sport on it), but I rarely asked them for anything. I usually only asked for numbers when I met them at an eating place or at dance hall. Granted I was a scared kid when I was in undergrad so I guess that’s part of the reason they never felt threatened.

zzzperson · 2020-08-25T01:41:44+00:00

Thanks a lot for the post, it's gold

2020-10-14T00:24:31+00:00

To some extent it depends how attractive a guy is. I'm sure if the guy is handsome enough then any kind of approach would be welcomed.

erikmalkavian · 2020-10-28T08:07:25+00:00

Very interesting OP and I like the thought about the cool guys leaving you the ability to quickly escape them so that you didn't feel hunted down.

Me personally I am going to come on strong because I want to know if you are dtf and if not, then next and no hard feelings.

Thanks again for sharing

2020-11-16T21:09:11+00:00

As a guy, I think this is really helpful. The one thing I'll say though, isn't there something to be said about being direct. I mean if someone of the opposite sex approaches you for no directly stated reason, and its obvious why that person is there, doesn't it make more sense to act naturally and let your intentions be known and heard?

To me it just feels kind of fake to walk up to a women I think is beautiful and talk to her about politics or sports.

However, I think a lot of women respond better to unstated motives (through body language/eye contact) than to directly stated, so definitely something to keep in mind.

donoyonoton · 2020-12-19T11:58:05+00:00

this was helpful I've prob done that too many times lmao

NubAutist · 2020-12-22T06:10:02+00:00

Originally, I thought that I should build a friendship with a woman that I was interested in dating and attempt to make that into something more. I was told that approach was a bad idea and in my personal experience, it was. The girls just wanted a friend, and I kept wanting more because I cannot kill attraction; I am unsure of other men can, bit for me there's no voluntary component to it.

I instead was advised to make my interests and intent known from the get-go, that way 1.) I'm being both honest with her and myself and 2.) women generally don't date their friends; they see they're friends as a set of people completely independent from that of potential dates. As my first model didn't work, I have since adopted this strategy as it sounded more authentic and would minimize drama and hurt feelings (pretty sure being lusted after by your supposed friend that you have no interest in gets gross fast).

In your opinion, is the above approach and the supposed facts it is based upon false? It seems like it directly clashes with your suggestion, so I would like your take on it.

max_samhain · 2022-03-14T17:42:47+00:00

In general Im fully aware of this. The problem is just that if you start a laid back approach you will end up having a lot of - sometimes even pretty long - conversations with girls who in the end will tell you that they unfortunately have a boyfriend but found it super nice to talk to you..

huixing_ · 2020-06-26T02:40:06+00:00

This post is so important!!

Walking up to girls who are walking down the street, grocery shopping, or doing some other sort of errand, is not a good way to approach women. When this happens to me, I’m already annoyed because I was in the middle of something or going somewhere.

BukarooJones · 2020-06-26T00:01:08+00:00

And to think I got downvoted the last post because I said it’s creepy to say hello to a girl out of the blue.

animal_crackers · 2020-06-26T02:32:20+00:00

Really fantastic perspective, I think there's logic in all of this.

Little do all these guys know you're slightly closeted

slightlycloseted · 2020-06-26T04:56:39+00:00

She's a spy!

pmmeyourpickuplines9 · 2020-06-25T22:24:15+00:00

How do you feel about pick up lines? Especially if they're geared to be funny and make you laugh.

_-__-__-__-__-_-_-__ · 2020-06-26T02:25:52+00:00

There is an interesting paradox about approaching women that I’m not quite sure how to resolve. On the one hand, women should be respected and left alone. Women shouldn’t be seen as potential targets for dating just because they’re in public. On the other hand, if you never approach women, if you never treat them as anything more than friends, then you will never get a girlfriend. It’s confusing and I don’t quite know how to deal with this paradox

2020-06-26T06:04:07+00:00

Thanks for the insights

Alex_O7 · 2020-06-26T07:18:41+00:00

That's literally basic stuff I'm still surprised how many guys continue to miss this kind of things.

For example cold approaching down the street is possible, if guys gave you the same opener that you recieved in university your response would be better, even if you are in a rush.

And in general when a guy is down the streets should be able to see if a girl is in a rush or not, if she may like to talk or if she just don't want to be disturbed by others.

But as I said before, this is basic stuff. And anyway never ask a fish how to be fished 😁

lajos93 · 2020-06-26T07:21:50+00:00

You just wrote something every self aware human being knows deep down

lizaanna · 2020-06-26T09:38:53+00:00

I hate getting approached on the street, I’m always going somewhere and often the approach is very creepy and makes me feel uncomfortable. Don’t cold approach people, I don’t see why people do it

jimmybanana · 2020-06-26T03:45:11+00:00

What we’re talking about here is “direct opening” vs “indirect opening”. Direct being “Hey I saw you come out of Starbucks, can I piss in your ass?”, vs indirect “Wow great dress, that’s the 3rd time I’ve seen it today”.

It’s always great to hear from a women’s perspective, by the same token every woman and every situation is different. Sometimes direct works, and sometimes indirect works. Each woman will respond differently, it’s up to you to be aware of the surroundings and what you think will work.

Another thing to consider is that 90% of all communication is non-verbal. The words only represent 10% of the interaction. What’s more important is your tonality, body language, posture and how you’re dressed/presented all of these non-verbal cues that women are very receptive to. You could go indirect all you want, but if your non-verbal is dogshit, then you’re dead in the water.

TL;DR - Every woman/situation is different, ensure your non-verbal game is platinum level.

dwayne13ellis · 2020-06-26T06:39:25+00:00

Yuck I smell pretentious all over this post

RavenNight16 · 2020-06-25T22:19:48+00:00

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greenlight144000 · 2020-06-25T22:04:05+00:00

I’m just worried if I approach her like that she could friend zone me if it’s just a regular conversation like what you described.

RelapsedSexAddict · 2020-06-26T01:12:46+00:00

Here’s my question.... what about when the girl gives you signals first. For instance when she smirks and gives you the eye as you walk by? Girls rarely ever do anything about it and never approach even if they want to which is a bummer but... if she is clearly showing her sexual interest, do I just kill that and approach her indirectly?

SushiSuki · 2020-06-26T01:22:48+00:00

This reminds me of the whole theme about guys talking to girls on the street just outside the club vs inside the club. Girls feel way more comfortable if youre just inside a place like a club where people are meant to have fun and mingle compared to randomly getting noticed on the side of a curb.

Demosama · 2020-06-26T01:37:00+00:00

That’s why I keep saying to people cold approach depends on fate. If you meet her at the right time and in the right place, things will work out unless you are not her type or bad at communication. Otherwise, it is pretty much guaranteed failure.

2020-06-26T02:54:27+00:00

I mean that’s not at all what you said though. How would I get that explanation from what you actually said. Lol. It’s all good. I get what you’re saying now.

KurzweilFanboy · 2020-06-26T03:00:56+00:00

If you never no one if you’ll see someone again and this is your only opportunity, you just go for it. If you are too casual, your desire might not get across. I get it, you don’t want someone to only be interested in you for your looks but it starts with finding someone attractive and then getting to know them and seeing if your compatible. If what could be Mrs. Right is in the supermarket and you’re just stunned by her good looks , go and let her know and see if she’d be interested doing something sometime. There is no opportunity to get to know her first. The love of your life could walk out the door because you didn’t want to offend her for thinking they were beautiful.

NelsonManswella · 2020-06-26T03:26:59+00:00

okay but like, what if i see the “love of my life” downtown during a lunch break?

who knows if you’d see them ever again, ya know?

Aeon199 · 2020-06-26T05:31:50+00:00

Do you have any advice for autistic or low-value awkward guys, especially if we can't hit the benchmark for "typical guy going places in life"? Will such guys always get rejected no matter what until they get "teh steady career"... or can they succeed on occasion, using their difference as an item of novelty?

zhico · 2020-06-26T05:32:34+00:00

meet you first, talk to you about things, get to know your character and your charism

How would I do this without asking you on a date? Isn't that what a date is for?

2020-06-26T06:42:15+00:00

Male here. I usually meet this kinda demeanor... Once, I approached a c u t i e whom I saw while we were exiting the subway engine and she just hysterically laughed at my face, and I was like wtf happened. Honestly I rarely feel I have the time to cold approach women or anyone else in the streets either, it just doesn't look fun because I enjoy time at home more. I mean I could get out of my shell and enjoy a bit more bars and cafés maybe.

Most women actually are wired to have some disgust in the direct expression of intentions, they feel more "butterflies" when conquered in a way that they did not see coming.

My friends always told me "your love life will happen when you least expect it". As much as I hated this statement as a teen, I came to realise it was true. I have a certain inventory of lustful memories that started only with innocent talks and friendly moments, and sometimes a bit of luck and right timing.

One example: There was this one time where I became risqué very quick after meeting a fine lady in a bar within some acquaintances event. I took her on a date to another bar right away. Although she opposed some resistance, I had picked up hints that I was charming in her eyes, so I just went with it and did my best making her feel safe and not in a creep's hands. We openly talked about we would come up from a relationship, we got multiple more dates after that, it was cool, I still love her memory to this day.

But well... To each their own innit? I think beyond the infamous "biology call", every individual will have their preferred way of having relationships.

kpay10 · 2020-06-26T07:05:43+00:00

Is it ok to approach a girl you see at work but never talked to her? Even if i do approach her and say How are you, I have no idea what to say after that because of my shyness

Nighthaven- · 2020-06-26T08:36:48+00:00

On the internet there are many clueless people giving clueless advice, but worse; is that in real life men view each other as competition and thus are not giving genuine solutions to either continue selling you the product/ (dating-) service or simply maintain status-quo.

They don't understand that there's a difference between him and when an exceptionally good looking man says it (and also how he says it, dresses, and takes care of himself) versus the average (but not hideous) guy copying messages.

That's why they go forward this way as there is no true advice to be found.

recyclablebanthas · 2020-06-26T12:16:33+00:00

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2020-06-27T00:05:37+00:00

And what about online? Is there other rules for online approach?

savithabeast · 2022-01-18T14:22:22+00:00

I swear girls are just use to guys approaching them. If men stopped approaching women they would use the same tactics to ask out guys. Sorry that I don't know the appropriate way to make you feel comfortable because honestly, I don't care. If I see a chance im gonna try, even If i make a mistake. im not a creep but most women lack confidence and think everything outside of their control is a red flag.

DajuanKev · 2020-06-25T22:39:51+00:00

I fully agree with you, miss. I honestly really do care about the women I approach, they really have no idea how much heart I would put into them if we're to be committed. I honestly have no intentions of making the women feel used. I just want to have fun. If the unintentional is to be suddenly felt by us, its because the heart is a fragile fragment.

2020-06-26T03:21:33+00:00

Friendly reminder that you need to be attractive for this to work! If you're ugly, have fun dying alone and unloved. :) I know I will

Iam_nameless · 2020-06-26T03:35:30+00:00

So you’re saying serendipity is sexy and day game is not sexy?

I’ll just let chance rule us meeting then. Good luck finding a wife with that attitude. If you’re girl, fine.

omkar-m · 2020-06-26T05:41:12+00:00

But if i see that she is beautiful and I’m interested in her then what is wrong in saying hey you are cute and i find you interesting..... Why we have to beat around the bush to get to the point. Isn’t it easy that I’m a man you are a woman, I find you beautiful let’s exchange number and hang out.

PlayerInvictus · 2020-06-26T06:36:25+00:00

Hey I see that you're on reddit. What a coincidence!!! Jk pls don't downvote me 😂😭

2020-06-26T13:51:19+00:00

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BitsAndBobs304 · 2020-06-26T00:47:32+00:00

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asteel1994 · 2021-10-20T05:41:06+00:00

Introvert I'm naturally cautious about social interactions, but lately I've been thinking about dating and I don't care for dating apps and I rather pick who I talk to rather than be referred to by friends/family. That being said I appreciate the perspective of female, it confirms what I suspected which is timing and what you say are the key. Cold approach is really my only option since I dont use the other methods.

thriwawaygtft4df · 2022-02-24T11:16:19+00:00

I mean your right approaching girls on the street saying they are pretty is bad, but a hot guy can bypass it easily really, because the girl is hoping for the guy to talk to her

Fluid_Background_644 · 2022-03-17T07:28:18+00:00

Thank for your post, I appreciate it. I agree with some of the earlier posts that it is not actually about what you say, in what contexts but how you say it and how you make a girl/anyone you approach feel for it to be smooth, fun and hopefully successful. And i have come to realise that how you make others feel actually reflects HOW YOU FEEL ABOUT YOURSELF. So for whoever it applies, I would say first go work on yourself, learn to enjoy doing things alone for a while ( i am doing the same). Once you are comfortable being alone, no longer seek validation from the external world, have your direction and purpose in life, and know that you are not incomplete by yourself as popular romantic narrative would have us believe, then your attractiveness level will naturally be high. Then you can cold approach anyone smoothly without fear, then it doesn't matter much to you how the other person reacts because you are sure of yourself and there is always another girl.

X_SIX · 2022-03-18T05:01:15+00:00

this is Sinatra's world, she just lives here

nnnm_33 · 2022-04-01T03:46:54+00:00

Yup 100p. When starting out, all a guy really knows how to do is go up admit he finds you attractive and then see what you say. This strat converts but at an extremely low rate and costs a lot to the dude because they’re creating an uncomfortable situation with a high likelihood of rejection. But hey, you play the numbers you’ll get a bite.

That said, best to take a laid back approach like you mention and not telegraph your physical attraction immediately even if it’s there. Learning how to do this and create these situations on command takes time. While maybe more authentic, these situations happen naturally too infrequently to rely on.

Going up and immediately being like “I find so so beautiful” is cringe. Even if it works, it’s cringe. End of story.

tubbabee · 2022-04-22T06:57:31+00:00

I (M/26) didn't even know the term 'cold approach' until just 10 minutes ago, but that's pretty much what I did to the girl I'm dating right now. Luckily I'm attractive (I train mma religiously and dabble in bodybuilding) so that helps, but I'll go over what I did. I'm a line cook and she is a newer hostess at the restaurant I work at. I was leaving work one day and decided to let my long hair down and show off as I passed by her and she audibly took notice. I thought "alright, play it cool" and just said thanks when she complimented me. A week or two later, I just went into the bathroom at work, smacked myself in the face a few times, then walked over to her, told her I wanted to get to know her, and gave her my number. We've been going steady for 2 months now and it's been fantastic so far. My thought process behind this approach was to be direct, but not so much so that I scare her off. I right off the bat told her I'd like to talk to her, but rather than trying to get her number, I wanted her to have the ultimate decision and the power to dictate how things go, so I gave her mine. I didn't want her to feel like I was trying to trap her, and it worked better than I could have hoped. Just be considerate and think of how the other person might feel.

fuckreditklk · 2022-04-27T16:40:36+00:00

Hell yes. I think the best approach is to cold approach people you do not have sexual interest in and of course people you do like. Just trying to expand social circle. Having conversations with people you don't know seems a very good practice. I don't like the don't approach me while I don't have time part because it just add to the many excuses people have not to cold approach someone they like. I don't buy the don't objetivice girls advice either because desire is desire and has nothing to do with how much you want to have an intellectual relationship with the person and it is just naive to assume that people who approach someone want full time marry me platonic relationship. They want sex. Good advice though

2022-05-13T03:51:28+00:00

Yeah, I'm realizing this. The moment I find myself only being able to say "Hey, I think you're cute and wanted to say hi", it's giga over

Opening-Programmer-1 · 2022-06-03T22:52:34+00:00

stupid bitch wheres the advice

ZealousidealLand7368 · 2022-06-17T06:52:19+00:00

But if you approach someone on the street, and are not being authentic and honest to why you approached her is that not creepy and not genuine? What is wrong with paying a compliment first and then having a nice real conversation?

It feels fake to walk up to a woman in that kind of situation, without being honest to why you are approaching her in the first place. But overall your post speaks truth about trying to build a connection and be genuinely interested in a person rather than being desperate for the number or jumping into her pants!

Title	Cold approach from a girl's perspective
Author	slightlycloseted
Upvotes	2906
Comments	459
Date	June 25, 2020 9:17 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/hfue6s/cold_approach_from_a_girls_perspective/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/cold-approach-from-a-girls-perspective.1428016 https://theredarchive.com/post/1428016

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