Cold Approach is Brutal

kiramdahanett · 2022-05-02T11:28:48+00:00

Welcome to the daygame , you have to preapre for more if you want to up from easy mode ( from college/uni daygame to streets ) & 10X more awkward moments and yeah of course , 100x more approach anxiety .

but it is what it is , you can never pull women you pull during daygame via tinder/ig

& another things is , if it was easy , every man would do it.

daygame is not for everyone.

Thin_Protection5616 · 2022-05-02T11:45:18+00:00

Approach daygame more as a skills building exercise and less as something your are doing just to meet women.

These numbers are pretty decent for daygame. But given what you've described, it seems like you fairly attractive but your game itself is off - likely a bit too direct and eager and lacking a bit of social calibration.

Make sure you are wallking away from interactions in a positive way. Even when you get 'rejected,' smile and tell her to have a good day.

moonfanatic95 · 2022-05-02T14:10:37+00:00

Wouldn't you just be known as the guy that basically asks every girl out on campus? That's something you may have to think about. I think many girls may say no to you just because of that.

CompetitionFair7686 · 2022-05-02T11:34:28+00:00

If you go around looking for girls approval, that’s obviously gonna affect your confidence, because your confidence is relying on someone else’s perception of you, rather than your confidence relying on your own perception of yourself.

Whenever you approach girls you need to think of it as experiments you are doing, and as such the results of your experiments are only a reflection of those experiments, not a reflection of your worth.

They reject the experiment, not you because they don’t know you enough to tell how much you are actually worth as a person.

Also, cold approaching and repeating the same script with 60 girls usually leads to that, i see many guys repeating the same script with countless of girls, and then get surprised that it’s not working, like you are supposed to be evolving your game, trying to be more creative each time, trying different lines…

Not just go like: “Hey you cute, wanna go out sometime” after you barely introduced yourself, and said 2 things…

You need to spend 5-10, minutes talking with them, and making sure you only ask like 2 questions max, the rest should be jokes, anecdotes, assumptions, playful observations and statements.

hookedonfonicsmunky · 2022-05-02T12:12:44+00:00

1 girl a month would be fucking amazing

demalteb · 2022-05-02T14:25:41+00:00

LOL.

FWIW, I was in "it" for 5 years. Got 1 relationship, 2 hookups, I don't know how many numbers, but the vast majority turned out to be made up or flakey.

I'm sorry, it's a terrible game for practically everybody. Beating yourself up doesn't help, but it's almost impossible to avoid.

Grow. Give yourself time. Realize that you'll never be perfect, probably not even "good", and that is not the point.

The point of game is not to be good at game, but to reach your goal - to have a relationship or lots of sex or whatever that is. Keep that in mind, and don't turn it into a contest. You don't have to prove me a thing. Just keep learning.

RonnieLibra · 2022-05-02T15:56:15+00:00

Whatever happened to outcome independence and enjoying the process?

When I was gaming I LOVED daygame. I pulled a lot of my favorite girls from daygame by myself. I've been rejected in pretty much every way you can imagine... Feminists in my face, Kicked out of stores, coffeeshops, Cops called by beta white knights, and that's not even the normal approaches where I didn't get laid or even a date.

But I've also done things like had a girl over too my place from rolling down my window and talking to her in her car from my car, pulled over my car and got out and approached a chick walking and turned it into an Instadate, scored sex with women from approaches in everything from grocery stores, coffee shops, restaurants I was SERVING at (on the job), women walking down the street, festivals, walking my dog, busy holidays, concerts, yoga class, the list goes on and on...

The secret is to NOT listen to dumbasses that tell you it's just a numbers game, just be yourself, be genuine, go to the gym and make a lot of money yadda yadda yadda and just get out there and do the same thing over and over..

You gotta learn some finesse based game. You gotta learn to create that movie moment she remembers... That's going to make her want to see you again. If you're stomping about hating doing these approaches to the point that you don't even pat yourself on the back for the little victories like dates or you even got laid, that energy is going to come across to these women i.e. desperation. You're going to drive them away before you even get started.

What's interesting? About her? About the environment? About you? About you and her? How can you make this moment magical? How can you spark that fun attractive vibe?

After a while I was a sniper. You couldn't pay me to do 70 approaches in a month. Hell I might do one or two a day of I was lucky and still get action. Every day? Hell no. But I was still having fun even when I wasn't. That means even when I look back at the harsh rejections or situations that's nothing to all the beautiful women that ended up sharing my bed...

You can do it. Shift gears and instead of huge numbers how can you make each approach an experience?? Go find Jugglers (Wayne Elise) old material or Paul Janka maybe pepper in some David DeAngelp and Mystery and Swinggcat and Steve Mayeda and Captain Jack (if you can find his material) and 60yearsofchallenge and even old Ross Jeffries

Get some finesse and get some knowledge and get out there and have fun with this.

cyrusol · 2022-05-02T16:27:04+00:00

1 in 60-70 is above average. Average would be 1 in 100.

richyrich247 · 2022-05-02T16:58:28+00:00

Tbh in my opinion a man must work on himself to a point he is fairly satisfied and comfortable with himself - e.g financially and physically. This not only increases your chances of success but it also gives you extra confidence when approaching females. Another thing I’ve found this does is it helps me handle rejection better. It’s a well known fact that the more girls you approach the more rejection you will face that’s just the game. But when you do get rejected it won’t harm your self esteem as much because your already comfortable with who you are. As well as being comfortable with who you are you also know that financially you are in a good position and physically you look good also. So in the situation when you do get rejected you’ll just shrug it off because it’s less likely to do with you and probably the girls own issue.

Honestly now that I am in a good place financially and I work out if a girl rejects me I’m actually surprised and assume I’m just not that girls cup of tea, but it has very little impact on my self esteem.

In the world of today when there’s a lot of competition for attractive women it’s essential you push yourself to your peak as a man.

Chicagoj1563 · 2022-05-02T11:55:24+00:00

There are inner game skills to develop in this game that gets you past these issues you are having. If all your focus is on what you say and do, and your not working on your mindsets then it’s no surprise it’s painful.

Look into outcome independence, self amusement, the world being in reaction to you vs you being in reaction to it, viewing every interaction as learning experience so that each approach is positive, rewarding, fun, etc…

Also if you were to travel to a big city with lots of pedestrian traffic or consider night game, you could do 50 approaches in 1 day. You may move past this much quicker with more approaches and practice. It’s brutal because you aren’t doing enough approaches and your mindsets are off. Your still in self protection mode.

Adapt mindsets where these things don’t bother you anymore, it’s just the process of learning the game.

svengeance_for_sven · 2022-05-02T12:36:26+00:00

Your assessment is correct. When you’re approached by random people on the street trying to get your signature on a petition or donating money to some cause- what is your internal reaction? If you’re like 99% of humans out there, it’s “oh God I don’t have time for this, don’t make eye contact.”

This is why “cold approach” or “day game” is a bunch of horse-shit created by scammers and propagated by autists. You’re basically trying to trick a girl into liking you instead of letting your worth speak for itself in a normal setting where girls might actually be receptive to you. (Classroom setting or work is great because you can collaborate on something together. Most women see relationships as like a big romantic collaborative project.) If you managed to get a few not-fake phone numbers that’s actually really impressive; like winning a race on crutches. Because that’s what this wandering salesman act bullshit does- it instantly hobbles you and makes anything you say seem disingenuous and untrustworthy.

So don’t feel down about your looks- it has nothing to do with it.

DonjiDonji · 2022-05-02T15:32:31+00:00

I mean it is funny to get hit on in public. If a woman walked up to me and randomly asked me out in front of my friends, I guarantee we would be laughing after. Don't take it personally. Can't you see the humor in it from their side?
Instead of focusing on cold approaches, maybe work on making yourself more desirable by working out and doing something like Jiu-jitsu which is fantastic for your mental state and confidence. If you have budging muscles through your shirt, you're definitely going to see an increase in your success rate.

Necessary-Worry1923 · 2022-05-02T17:06:08+00:00

Success metrics are low for young males while you are competing with either more attractive young men, or older males who have money and time to invest dating your classmates. Women tend to date upwards either in physical attraction or financial social status.

Average looking girls ALSO aspire to date the 6 foot handsome guys with cash as much as the pretty women. You need to adapt by casting a wider net.

Consider dating less attractive females, level 4-7 who are more likely to be rejected by the attractive males. Or aim at a lower status demographic, like attractive women your age who are not in college and working minimum wage. These girls may be attracted by your future earning potential and lock on to you because college boys will earn more in the future.

meowski_rose · 2022-05-02T17:14:14+00:00

Any time I’ve been cold approached I’ve felt uncomfortable and tried to plan how to get out of the situation.

maxpossimpible · 2022-05-02T13:19:24+00:00

The problem is that you think it's enough to just go up and talk to women. No no no. YOU HAVE TO ACTUALLY FLIRT AND BE FUN.

You have no idea what a turn-on it is for women. Take me - I've gone on maybe 60 dates last 6 months, and it's only last two months I've actually started to flirt. Before I just talked to them like a normal person, interested in their life bla bla bla... The change in behavior by these women is astounding when you start to flirt, you really don't have to take about anything at all - it's 95% HOW you say it and what you do.

Johnny_Kilroy · 2022-05-02T12:44:33+00:00

What country are you in?

GeezRick · 2022-05-02T14:29:26+00:00

Turn those cold approaches into warm approaches. Put yourself in lots of different situations and locations and go for the women who show you interest first. You should be weeding out the women who aren’t interested before you even close so you save yourself the heartache. I had worse stats than you until I switched to warm approaches and filtering. Now I get about 1 lay for every 10 approaches.

Proper-Rub6270 · 2022-05-02T17:05:03+00:00

Try approaching girls who give you prolonged eye contact/glance at you multiple times. Your success will sky rocket.

Colencence · 2022-05-02T15:35:16+00:00

Game is hardwork

Effective_Elk_4719 · 2022-05-02T15:51:58+00:00

I've had decent success with day game including hooking up with girls within 30 minutes of meeting them. Time of day and location are key along with doing instadates and proximity to your place. If you're doing it during office work hours or when girls are on lunch or in a rush to be somewhere then you'll have less success. Find locations where girls aren't in a rush to be somewhere. Ex. Taking a walk around a popular lake in the evening during the work week or a brewery in the afternoons on weekends. Build rapport, lightly escalate physically, take her for ice cream/ tea/coffee/beer, invite her back to your place. Boom.

Daygame can be easier than night game since there are less distractions and it feels more natural and she probably hasn't been approached by 20 drunk guys that night.

Zebrahead033 · 2022-05-02T15:59:30+00:00

Don't take rejection so personally. Also try getting a wingman.

My cousin and I were at a sports bar watching the UFC fights. I thought one of the bartenders was hot. I asked her out. Got rejected.

Told my cousin what happened. He immediately was like fuck that dumb bitch. Haha. It made me feel better. Sometimes you just need some reassurance. It just helped me to get over it rather than internalize it and keep thinking about it.

drewcer · 2022-05-02T17:09:28+00:00

Just getting yourself to approach is step 1. You have accomplished that, congratulations, that’s farther than most guys go.

Now you can progress to working on what’s next:

Step 2 is calibrating after the approach and working on increasing the number of sets where you are getting to the hook point. 5-6 numbers out of 60 or 70 can be improved a ton.

Calibrate calibrate calibrate. That’s what it sounds like you need right now man. You want to be in tune with where they’re at right after you approach so there’s no disjointedness between your context for the situation and theirs.

This requires empathy. I’m not sure what you’re doing after the approach but even a quick empathy statement like “hey I know this is random and we’re in the middle of xyz setting so you probably weren’t expecting this, but…”

Calibrate to the setting, calibrate to the social context, calibrate to the person you approached. Be socially in tune with them and show them you can respond appropriately.

Also learn how to display value/attractiveness right after the approach. Look at Mystery’s old DHVs for inspiration but I wouldn’t recommend the canned routines anymore.

Rich-Anteater-9468 · 2022-05-02T13:41:50+00:00

This is the world of cold approach. Welcome. 1 lay per per 100 approaches is the standard so you're above that.

MeWuzBornIn1990 · 2022-05-02T11:19:37+00:00

Quit making “attracting women” your focus and instead refocus all of your attention on becoming your high and best self and work on your purpose.

poly_nerdy_panda · 2022-05-02T13:44:48+00:00

I have been saying this for years Cold approach alone is a big waste of time!... Go out with friends, go dance with friends, invite girls you already know out even if there big and fat... I had way more success not approaching women.. IE just hanging with friends than actually just approaching women. I met my baby momma just hanging with friends, pornstars,my x poly partner and more... in cold approach i may have only slept with 8 girls in 2 1/2 years out alone

sexsex69420irl · 2022-05-02T15:26:03+00:00

Sounds like a lot of work, honestly i would just stick to trying to be rich.

These-Calligrapher · 2022-05-02T15:28:44+00:00

Shift your focus to what you can adjust on your game. Make these calibrations and get better each night. Fine tune your interactions. Focus on what is happening during the interaction. The outcome is cool, but it doesn’t help your game. What helps is the adjustments you make as you go. Make this the goal each time you practice game

lebouter · 2022-05-02T15:32:19+00:00

Those stats are actually pretty normal. The best kf the best are getting a lay 10% of the time

Outrageous_Fill3231 · 2022-05-02T16:00:12+00:00

Bruh I know the feeling lmao. Only approached 2 girls all my life and both were L’s.

Last week was the 2nd one I’ve ever done. Stuttered like a mf, asked for her Snapchat after some awkward conversation, and she said yes. After I left, I realized she didn’t even add her Snapchat, only pretended to do so.

Shit can be brutal.

But the one thing that motivates me to keep going, is the sense of calm after I start talking to a girl. My body literally relaxes, almost like it’s realizing “yo, it’s just a girl.”

BudgetInteraction811 · 2022-05-02T16:19:56+00:00

60-70 women at your university in the last month alone? I’m not surprised you’re not having luck. You are probably known as that guy hanging around campus asking everyone out. 😬😬😬

Gianniis_ · 2022-05-02T16:22:00+00:00

Idk, my cold approaches on central stations, in trains, local kebab and on the streets always ended up great. Maybe bc both parties were drunk, but maybe not.

LordPrettyMax · 2022-05-02T20:22:19+00:00

1/60-70 is good and my friend that’s short and nerdy got a supermodel gf that’s taller than him after 500 approaches so it’s really just a numbers game

furtivespork · 2022-05-02T20:33:40+00:00

Most women aren't looking to sleep with someone who hits on 60-70 women per month. What are you bringing to the table?

Mrstrawberry209 · 2022-05-02T20:37:03+00:00

You got 2 dates and a 1 hookup, seems like a win to me...

keptit2real · 2022-05-02T22:19:25+00:00

How are guys playing day game now?

As I've gotten older, I've realized to look for the signs before approaching. Quick eye glance, body movement, asking myself am I attracted to this girl, we just made i contact, say Hi.

Reasonable-Treacle96 · 2022-05-02T13:11:36+00:00

Bro style sarged for a year before he ever even got laid chill you're doing fine.

norwegiandoggo · 2022-05-02T11:37:21+00:00

This has crushed my self esteem and self worth

No it hasn't. There's only one person that can crush your self esteem and self worth, and that is you. You have noticed the rejection and then you decided to shame yourself for being rejected. That was your own choice. You decided to take it personal, and see rejection as a sign of your worth, when it has nothing to do with that.

I thought I was decently attractive

Based on your results, you must be decently attractive. Most average guys do worse than this when starting with cold approaches.

but this has made me realize I just don't meet the standards of a lot of these girls.

That is only true for some of these women. Most rejections from cold approach actually happen for other reasons that are either related to who you approached, where you approached, the way you approached her, the fact that it was a cold approach, and/or some other thing outside your control. Cold approaches have a very low success rate in general. You're trying to hit on someone who is a complete stranger. Women will have their guard up and first evaluate you as a potential threat. Don't take it personal that they first think of you as a potential rapist or murderer. They're just trying to look out for their safety and when a strange man approaches her that usually triggers the "stranger danger" response. You have to first convince them you're not a threat before they will even begin to evaluate you as a potential mate (if they're even single that is).

bigtittylover001 · 2022-05-02T13:33:50+00:00

If it makes u feel any better I haven't even approached that many girls in my life and I'm older than u. You have guts and not even 20 yet. You're doing well.

Mr-Kabuki · 2022-05-02T14:02:04+00:00

Bro the fact that you got a lay from less than 100 sets, as a beginner in game is amazing. Pat yourself on the back. A lot of guys need hundreds of sets to get their first lay.

farfromahead · 2022-05-02T14:55:20+00:00

Bro you confident than 90% of the guys out there. I get lays here and there but to have the max come out, you need to put the right effort at the right target. Hot women want boyfriends and not so hot want lays like you do. Do the tally but remember, there’s beauty in the struggle but ugliness in the success

fangclan · 2022-05-02T14:02:17+00:00

Keep your head up man and try to improve your game/approach after a rejection. Also take breaks when you need it constantly going out and approaching women can be tiring

vardarac · 2022-05-02T14:22:02+00:00

You're taking this too personally.

In the savannah days where there was no time to waste and kids were an even more daunting prospect than now, women had to make very exacting snap judgments of what exactly a man was and what risk there might be in bearing his children.

Filter that evolutionary mindset through cultural conditioning that discourages women from sleeping around and the fact that women often have to be wary around men that they don't know, and you're looking at a recipe for failure nine+ times out of ten for the average guy.

This isn't always a reflection of you, this is a reflection of her mindset, her headspace versus your sales pitch. It's hard to internalize that when this at first seems to be the rawest and highest-stakes evaluation of your personality, like, if nobody wants to be intimate with me there must be something wrong. But in reality it's a very shallow tip-of-the-iceberg evaluation and also might have nothing to do with you personally.

It benefits you to change that thinking. Imagine going through what I typically experience: I approach women in the night, I have a fun and possibly even flirty interaction, but eventually they decide that I'm not the one they want to go home with or see next time. This feels even worse than a cold rejection because I've invested time and emotions into this person.

As you know you reach this stage eventually. So you must train yourself to see every interaction as amusement and as a learning experience first, and never hang your self worth and happiness on the possibility of intimacy, no matter how close it may seem at any given moment.

West-Ad7203 · 2022-05-02T14:27:29+00:00

Honestly, that’s a pretty good percentage of success for just balls out approaching girls you don’t know. I don’t know many guys who had above 20% success rate doing that. You’re putting too much pressure on yourself but setting such an unrealistic standard.

SufferKnt · 2022-05-02T14:56:05+00:00

Use this to fuel the fire my man, get in the gym, get a clean haircut, look your absolute best whilst working on yourself internally. Use the laughter as motivation

youcheekydelinquent · 2022-05-02T13:55:26+00:00

The truth is you're not that interesting/hot. Even a 30-year-old Brad Pitt walking up to a woman is not 100%. You should never take it personally.

DajuanKev · 2022-05-02T14:36:17+00:00

You've approached way too many girls, man. Don't approach just because of some validation. Be more selective and casual. If you approach over 60-70 girls, you will be noticed in a way you wouldn't want to be. For me, even over 20 approaches feel like a decrease in health and added stress. I'd take me at least 3-5 years to approach over 60 women.

lanraebloom · 2022-05-02T15:02:16+00:00

No cap 6/70 is just horrible, you might need to change something

EnvironmentalRule525 · 2022-05-02T13:27:50+00:00

Those are good numbers compared to people good at pickup lol. You’re doing good.

PeachStrings · 2022-05-02T13:15:48+00:00

I would just add read the book models by mark manson, it’ll probably help with your mindset during cold approach

MasterTeacher123 · 2022-05-02T11:49:46+00:00

How many dates and lays you had before that? So it can’t be that bad

Although Approaching 70 girls and only getting 6-7 numbers is a really bad ratio.

DeJuanBallard · 2022-05-02T15:50:08+00:00

Welp, you just proved why approaching women is stupid. Hope you never make that mistake again.

iluvreddit · 2022-05-02T17:31:01+00:00

You might want to tweak your game to do more of an "observational" conversation or observational humor so they don't know they are being hit on, like ask them a question, casually comment or joke about something you see, etc.

Theblackspikespiegel · 2022-05-02T17:31:21+00:00

I personally ask her for her name, introduce myself, ask if she's from around the area then straight up ask if she's single the get number. No building repor or talking for more then a 1 and a half. So far I've gotten the number maybe 8/10. Some chick's will say "I dont give my number out" and try to give you her instagram. So far though 10/10 I have been ignored after sending my first message or soon after setting up a possible date. So more numbers don't equate to better results. Just keep approaching and don't take women too serious you'll go crazy trying to figure out why they do the shit they do.

ITriedLightningTendr · 2022-05-02T17:41:32+00:00

Sounds like this isn't the game for you.

Get a hobby, meet people organically.

punisher1005 · 2022-05-02T17:46:03+00:00

It sounds to me like you're coming off too strong. Try approaching indirectly.

PAULL-BLART · 2022-05-02T17:46:21+00:00

Op i am quite curious to what you look like and how your energy is when approaching these woman. I think your energy is just not there since you also think about other people watching you. Maybe your looks are fine and it’s just you not matching the right energy? Fuckkk the other people op, it’s hard to get that mindset but once you have it it’s like you ard finally free from jail.

floppyjabjab · 2022-05-02T17:48:12+00:00

that's cause your reference is from wrong data.

in Uni / Work / any pre-established social enviroments where people have to go regularly back to, the most dominant factor is status.

cold approach results are mostly showing on transitory enviroments.
If you go to clubs and bars, that are not on-site, you will see a hell of a lot more success.

This is the same thing as women being a lot more slut than usual when they are on vacation in a place where no one knows them.

You want result on Uni? worry first about establishing some form of status, then see how the exact same girls who rejected you, will be the ones opening you and such

OkResolution4794 · 2022-05-02T17:50:18+00:00

I’m on my journey too bro, I have a lot of respect for what you’ve done. From my understanding, if you stick it out, you will evolve as a person and develop charisma, great game, and unwavering confidence. So don’t stop, my friend; keep going!

LetErCarryEr19 · 2022-05-02T18:10:38+00:00

Hey man keep up the amazing fucking work and dont give up man. Keep fucking going. This shit isn't easy. All the bullshit discouraging comments you've read so far about "this is why you shouldn't do daygame" or "focus on your hobbies and career instead of women" or "that's it, only 1 lay after 70 approaches?" are just coming from people who 100% do not take any action. If they were taking action then they would congratulate you on your amazing fucking results thus far and would also sympathize with how you're feeling and would also keep encouraging you to keep going. So ignore the bullshit and focus instead on the positive comments in this thread.

In the last 2 months after my breakup, I've been focused on nothing but cold approach. I wanna get good at this so I'm immersing myself into it. I've approached at least 200 women, got about 3-5 dates, and a few random makeouts. No lays yet. This shit is definitely an emotional roller coaster and I know exactly how you're feeling and I also have my moments of giving up. As hard as it may seem sometimes, you have to look at the overall picture, the longer time frame. It is, after all, a journey and the results will come over time. You're also looking to amass a deep identity change over the course of your journey so its not only about fucking women, its also about becoming the best version of yourself.

I've learned a few key things that might also help you during these tough times. 1) Let go of your ego/self image. Try to detach yourself from it. It's a lot easier said than done but try to practice letting go of it when you're out. 2) Don't judge yourself or the interactions. I've learned that if you judge things then a heavy psychological weight begins to form inside your head and it weighs you down and makes you feel like shit and you don't come across as your best self in the interactions. 3) Get a wing. It's easy to go through the bad times when you have a wing who you can talk to about your experiences. They're also going through the same shit so they can relate.

Hope I've provided some insights for you and if not then at the very least some words of encouragement. Don't give up man. Keep putting yourself through the fire but try to cultivate a positive attitude about it. This is definitely not an easy path to take but remember, the lowest lows you'll experience will be as equally as rewarding as the highest highs you'll experience in this journey. And you already know, if this shit was easy then everybody would be doing it!

brothersanta · 2022-05-02T18:18:12+00:00

hey if you got laid once, it's working and working great lol

imagine all the virgin dudes out there that haven't even gotten there yet

PontusOfMars · 2022-05-02T18:26:36+00:00

Stop. Drop the spam cold approaching. It's only useful for getting over the hump of approach anxiety. You know you can approach a girl, you should be focused on social circle, since you're in college. You need to be joining social groups and hobby groups that have events so that you meet people in a social environment. Cold approach is overemphasized too much here.

2022-05-02T18:32:41+00:00

With cold approach it's best for me to make sure my instincts say "start a conversation." More often than not they're right about when to not often speak up.

Sandvicheater · 2022-05-02T18:35:11+00:00

Is your ultimate goal getting laid or having a gf? If its gf, Have you tried the opposite with warm approach? I'm sure you have buddies, associates, etc that trust and like you. Who would be glad to introduce you to their cousin, niece, etc (as long as you're willing to do the same for them when they become single)

Beansnmilk · 2022-05-02T18:38:30+00:00

Try to lower your expectations and your "attachment" to the outcome of the situation, I thought you'd automatically do that after a dozen of approaches

ajayt365 · 2022-05-02T19:04:29+00:00

It's worse than online dating

derpmaciaa · 2022-05-02T19:15:48+00:00

Society sucks dude. I think that's the short explanation. Fuck society.

videogames_ · 2022-05-02T19:16:14+00:00

Daygame is actually good if you’re above 1% cold approach to lay. Your issue is that you want validation from every woman which you will never get. If you want to improve your numbers you have to get fit and ideally gain muscle.

Aarondagreat04 · 2022-05-02T19:16:46+00:00

You should be proud of the work you putting in. Most dudes here can’t Muster the courage to let alone talk to one

Godletrich · 2022-05-02T19:22:50+00:00

Honestly, I admire you that you managed to approach so many girls. I am afraid approaching at the campus because I dont want to get finger pointed on me that I am that player who flirts with every possible girl.

h0p3fu1f3m1n1st · 2022-05-02T19:26:35+00:00

I can get laid quite easily, by not being creepy and cold approaching people. Most women really do hate uninvited attention from men they don’t know.

But by getting to know people, taking interest in them, being nice and just communicating if I find them attractive. I have never even touched or kissed a girl without asking and most girls I meet find it very sexy.

yo_saturnalia · 2022-05-02T19:34:22+00:00

Quality over quantity. Why do you approach 60 girls in the first place.

Approach 6 with whom you focus and build good connection

gangweedsavedme · 2022-05-02T19:55:04+00:00

Bro it’s a COLD approach, don’t beat yourself up about it. The fact you’ve actually seen results is great!

Rejection is normal and part of the game, you can decide to quit, or accept it like a winner. Your mentality decides if you will continue to practice and get better eventually.

neversleeps212 · 2022-05-02T19:55:16+00:00

A few thoughts here man. First, think of the positive. You got laid out of all this so at least there was some upside to the rejection.

Second, the more you do something the better you’ll get and the more comfortable you’ll feel, so if you stick with this, your results should improve and you should become less sensitive to the rejections.

But here’s the thing you don’t have to practice game as a numbers approach. The whole approach any and all attractive women all the time thing is a PUA approach to get results through volume essentially. And while approaching is a good skill to develop, you don’t need to practice it as a raw numbers thing. You can stick to forums and venues where women are more likely to be receptive (parties, bars, a social group where you know people) and you can choose to only approach those women you’re really interested in not just doing very girl that passes the would sleep with threshold.

Lastly, it’s important to make sure your sense of worth isn’t tied to validation from women or even to external validation in general.

Kaioh1990 · 2022-05-02T20:07:06+00:00

It's like sales my friend, it'll get easier. Obviously it'll be difficult for anyone here to give you advice without actually seeing videos of you in the field to see what you're doing "right & wrong." There are so many subtleties that go into this that you've probably already read about.

So given I have very little to go off of, here is my recommendation. Try friend-closing instead of seducing. I think you'll find cold-approaching is a bit overrated anyway. Your entirety (your life, social circles, dating life, etc.) will be much better if you have loads of friends. Make as many as you can, and cultivate the ones that mean the most to you (or seem to have the most potential to helping you live the life you want).

Lastly, if you hang out/around women in your everyday life more frequently, the cold-approach will also get better. Those wrinkles in your non-verbal things that are difficult to convey and teach will naturally iron itself out most likely. A woman can tell when a guy doesn't spend much of his time around other women.

OkawaSeastream · 2022-05-02T20:17:30+00:00

Well, I was never good at daygame and I am in a relationship anyway, but an acquaintance of mine used to setup certain rejection goals in his daygame. E.g. one day he could have the goal to just be rejected by 15 girls before the day was over. He could just approach girls and say the most ridiculous things. He did it just to practise against the mindset OP is describing. He had no expectations during those sessions but sometimes it happened that he failed and got laid instead of a rejection. I don't think he was that disappointed. He just had to make another attempt.

LandscapeClear1630 · 2022-05-02T21:19:55+00:00

Dude, are you working on improving your subcoms? Are you writing field reports?

Or are you approaching just for the sake of approaching?

cronasminate · 2022-05-02T21:20:11+00:00

I've just in a bad mental headspace due to all of this and feel like I'll never be good enough. Not to mention I've managed to catch some of these girls go and laugh about me with their friends after I leave and get weird stares from people around me, honestly making me depressed.

Unless their friends know your friends, it doesn't really matter. Also I personally do indirect which requires more subtextual communication and understanding how to read body language as opposed to the dumbass direct approach a lot of coaches tend to teach.

Endisnear77 · 2022-05-02T21:28:30+00:00

Its not brutal you are Just not experienced yet and have bad mindset, follow David X and learn

ProphetRI · 2022-05-02T21:51:45+00:00

Eventually denial will make you feel nothing. For me at least the anxiety of approach never went away but the denial is what it is. Just gotta tell yourself, "they don't know me, just the the perception of what they made of me in their mind based off the first impression". You're the fucken best.

smf242424 · 2022-05-02T22:06:38+00:00

It'snot just about being good looking, it can be about the chemistry, things in common, the way that you behave, etc

Epicrato · 2022-05-02T22:20:02+00:00

Dude! You are a legend. You got the balls to go do it cold turkey. Don’t worry about what they think or say.

ResponsibilityKey427 · 2022-05-02T22:35:06+00:00

Jesus this just further reinforces that cold approach is so ineffective.

Think about it you are a girl, a guy approaches you (probably unattractive, attractive men clean up on tinder so they don’t need to cold approach)

People are staring, you feel kinda embarassed and then you have to give a fake number to save face. Of course flakes happen.

Cold approaching is just not a normal thing, most high value men get pussy by clubbing, friends of friends, house parties, insta, tinder.

Chompskyy · 2022-05-02T22:45:05+00:00

I guess it's easier said than done but the cold truth is that you need to deaden some nerves. It's not all that big of a deal. You're just trying to meet new people and create fun and exciting experiences.

The fact is people aren't often in that headspace with you at the same time, because we all live our own lives and are doing our own thing. If it's not the right time, she's not the right one.

That shouldn't stop you from meeting new people though, right?! That would be silly, because you still want to create those fun and exciting experiences.

So dude, let yourself do it. Yeah the numbers aren't ideal, but you can improve that if you genuinely care less about the numbers and care more about actually creating an authentically nice moment with another human being that you don't know, and then taking it from there.

kyle_fall · 2022-05-02T22:58:00+00:00

How big is your city? I'd highly recommend not doing this at your own campus as even in your school of 18,000 you will get a reputation in a few weeks and it'll lead to very awkward times.

You're doing great. You don't get it. If you can approach 60-70 girls and get laid once, that's amazing. This is your first time man, next time it'll be less(50-60) and you'll start getting girls you like and that like you more and more.

Realize that no one does this and girls in general are super anxious and would NOT approach you. I mean that the fact that you approached them is infact crazy for them so of course they're gonna laugh to their friends, they're not necessarily laughing at you. And even if they are, it's irrelevant to your life.

Keep going brosky.

Orange11a · 2022-05-02T23:06:46+00:00

Dude make sure you don't do pickup at the same area regularly. Mix it up because when women see you get rejected they are more inclined to do the same if you ever approach her. People are always watching so that's why I mix it up.

Resident_Taste2745 · 2022-05-03T11:19:24+00:00

You got laid and yet you’re complaining. Makes sense.

recyclablebanthas · 2022-05-07T07:58:22+00:00

1

I have cold approached around 60-70 girls in the last month at Uni. From that I got around 5-6 numbers, 2 dates and 1 lay/hookup. This has crushed my self esteem....

If you took someone who's trying to learn how to drive, put them behind the wheel of an F1 formula racer, and tell them to take a lap around at top speed, that's not going to go well.

That's basically what you did. The fact that you managed to get laid once is actually a lot better than a lot of beginners are doing.

Cold approach is advanced, but pickup coaches have pushed the idea that it's "basic," because it leads to guys trying it out, crashing and burning, and requiring their services.

2

I thought I was decently attractive but this has made me realize I just don't meet the standards of a lot of these girls....

You seem to be referring to physical attractiveness here.

Let's back the train up here.

What is seduction really?
It's a form of social interaction.
Social interactions require basic social skills in order to navigate successfully.

So you're not really saying anything unexpected here.

Your physical appearance doesn't really determine your results in seduction.
At the end of the day you still need to navigate the social interaction of it all.

3

So taking all this into account, it's not about whether you met their standards but whether you were able to successfully navigate the social process of it. You've done so to varying degrees of success.

All that shows is that you need to develop your social skills a little more. There's no way to say where the problem areas lie, unless you gave some details about how your interactions have been going.

Title	Cold Approach is Brutal
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	334
Comments	224
Date	May 2, 2022 11:16 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/ugnb8y/cold_approach_is_brutal/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/cold-approach-is-brutal.1260653 https://theredarchive.com/post/1260653

Comments