If there is one thing that would attract you the most about a woman, what would it be?

yurifca · 2021-04-24T15:49:12+00:00

If you want to be approached, I'm afraid we guys only care about appearance on the initial phase.

If you want to take action tho, we guys appreciate directness from woman, cause we suck so much to recognize suble signs woman throw at us. This approach requires a bit more courage/confidence from you, but is actually something you can work on, and imo is directly related to your self-esteem

Cosack · 2021-04-24T16:23:59+00:00

Looks, good conversation, intelligence, matching interests. In that order, building a sort of pyramid of prerequisites for a more involved interaction/relationship.

If no minimum on looks, then I won't even consider anything.
If weak conversation but good looks, probably a dud date. No "chemistry." I can't be the only one taking the conversation anywhere. This is where having some confidence comes in, but you only need enough to ask me questions and share your views.
If no intelligence but good looks and conversation, I won't take you seriously. Maybe a hookup or something casual if you're vocally flirtatious.
Looks, smarts, good conversation, but different interests is stable-casual territory. In the long haul, we might be too different, but we can chance something serious to find out.
All four is a strong candidate for a life partner.

I imagine this goes the other way too, from women with respect to men. What do you think, OP?

*I don't actively "do" game, just a guy who recently started going on a few dates here and there. Take with skepticism as Seddit feedback goes.

revente · 2021-04-24T16:59:44+00:00

No we don’t want ‚one thing’. We want a functioning adult that has:

sports, hobbies, cool friends, healthy emotional life, sense of humour, works on her looks, visits events, travels, has a career etc.

Or at least guys that can make demands, want such girl.

HarryGotGot · 2021-04-24T16:04:33+00:00

The badonkadonk has a gravitational pull of its own. That's what attracts me the most. Haha

CoffeeandMJ · 2021-04-24T17:21:53+00:00

Since you stated earlier that you're looking for a long-haul partner, I'll answer from that perspective. Low self-esteem can be a huge turn-off to confident guys. For guys looking for a quick bang, they won't care, but there are high-status men who will expect a woman he's dating to be able to converse with his friends and family quite well, attend events, etc.

It really all depends on who you're trying to attract.

krnhaha · 2021-04-24T15:57:32+00:00

1.if approached:- then the guy attracted by your looks.

2.if known/acquaintance like classmate, colleague, friends' friend:- then the guy attracted by personality + nature + looks.

and we all know the second case is better/safe for any kind of relation.

2021-04-24T19:08:36+00:00

Honestly, just someone who's fun to be around, talk to and have adventures with, no drama queens and no shit tests or games.

gornad96 · 2021-04-24T22:15:47+00:00

Everyone wants something different. Most of my friends look for friendly, cute, agreeable and fun women. Physical attraction is said to be important, but i'm surprised every time by how many people I know that get in a relationship with a partner that falls below their "physical" standards. Personally, ambition and courage are very important to me in a woman but that's me.

I would say the most important common traits are agreeableness and sense of humor.

2021-04-24T18:18:09+00:00

The question is generic as it gets,what type of man are YOU looking for? You're looking for something that fulfills YOUR NEEDS be it sexual , relationship etc ? and tbh it's actually quite insulting that you put all men in the same bag and think that there's a recipe that makes us run to some woman like blind , so my opinion would be first to settle on what you're looking for in a man then you have a good 75% out of the picture and loads of stress. and a good idea on the men that peak your interest and work from there.

blessedwiththecurse · 2021-04-24T18:43:15+00:00

The thing I find most attractive about a girl is when she’s outgoing and always smiling with people, no one likes a girl that acts stuck up

SadKnight123 · 2021-04-24T19:07:57+00:00

Realistically, for the most part looks is the most important for women, but even for them, it's not everything. I already met not so pretty girls who have wonderful personalities and were very feminine. I would choose them over a shalow 10/10 snob for a relationship any day.

It's interesting to see that a good personality and femininity can make any woman way more attractive. I think this goes the same on the reverse when girls met masculine dudes who are not that handsome, but are confident and dominant.

I think career, wealthy, education and even confidence for most men are not that important at all. It's things that you should do for you, but doesn't matter for atraction in general. Shy women can be extremely sexy and cute, for example. Unfortunately this is not the same for us.

Since you already have the looks, just try to be a decent person. Genuinely good, caring, lovely and etc, don't be afraid to make some moves and show you like the guy. If they respond poorly to it, then they were not for you anyway.

KaiserHaftbefehl · 2021-04-24T16:11:51+00:00

Saying that you look above average in a reddit post. That attracts hundreds of dudes right in your DMs :p

Captain_w00t · 2021-04-24T22:38:27+00:00

I think confidence can be shown in a wide range of ways, so it depends by what you really lack in the confidence compartment.

Maybe you’re just shy or insecure about something, but you’re confident in other contexts.

As a man in his 40s, I’d personally be turned off by lack of confidence in the “relationship” context. For example, a woman “depending” on me and waiting for me in almost anything in the relationship makes me run away soon or later. It happened to me several times, and the average duration went from 8 weeks to a maximum of 3 months, then I would end it without regrets.

I want a person with emotional/practical maturity, someone capable to already stand on her own and is available to share the ride with a similar person (me, in this case).

I like to give much more than getting something back, BUT that shouldn’t be taken for granted or even asked/demanded/pretended. The moment I feel you’re relying on me like if you can’t go anywhere without me, it’s also the moment I feel myself trapped in a cage and I’m going to escape quickly.

To be clear: I’m not talking about the kind of emotional support and overall presence which is usually reciprocal in a serious long-term relationship. I’m neither referring to being crazily in love for someone.

Instead, I’m talking about needy people which say: “My life was a shit by its own, BUT now I’ve found my definitive partner for life (even after few weeks), so he/she will clean my shit away for me and I will be eventually happy”.

2021-04-24T23:47:31+00:00

Yea it is, but you don’t want to be intimidating or overly confident either. Not giggly and stupid or overly serious and overly confident. Its a perfect balance that is near impossible, this is true for guys too. You gotta be confident but not have a large ego, if anything try to cut down on the ego. Honestly you just gotta be happy. If you are happy, happy people will find you.

CicadaProfessional76 · 2021-04-24T23:50:58+00:00

Easy going, not excessively passive.

401kisfun · 2021-04-25T01:15:35+00:00

Improve your teeth, skin, fashion, make up, and try to get ‘tight’ ie bikini shape. Then go online and start approaching guys in person, ONLY guys you think are physically attractive. Watch the attention, dates, and relationships come flooding in

ProofMud4677 · 2021-04-25T03:00:07+00:00

If you consider yourself “above average” in four of the major parameters of dating where exactly are you lacking confidence? And yes, lack of self-esteem is a huge turn off for both women and men

Tonytonytony13 · 2021-04-25T03:32:25+00:00

Confidence is definitely key, but knowing what you want & actually putting it out there is also a major factor. Don't get me wrong the chase game is fun, but a girl that let's it be known from the gate what she wants is rare and attractive.

OwenCarter · 2021-04-25T05:28:09+00:00

. Not a conscious choice, but I've noticed that her smile, her laugh, sense of humor & her genuinality are my biggest draws. . A beautiful smile & genuine laugh warms my heart like nothing else... 🤩

imusuallynot · 2021-04-25T10:21:20+00:00

In a long term partner, it would be

1 - baseline looks

2 - openness and communication

3 - character/personality fit - or, chemistry

In general, you should just focus on being the best version of yourself as possible. That's it. If you pretend to be someone you're not, you'll be miserable and, eventually it'll all fall apart.

I would go so far as to say that, work on yourself and your happiness should come from within. Someone comes along, it's a bonus, but, on your own, life is still good. That should be the ideal to strive for.

An aspect of that, is what you mentioned about low self esteem - as some have pointed out, it's difficult to keep on loving a long term partner if they can't love themselves.

Thus this could be something to put some focus on and make progress with. It's a long journey forward but it's been done and never impossible - always possible should we have the will and desire to keep on moving forward 👍 good luck! 💪

theyuta · 2021-04-24T15:50:05+00:00

Nah, don't worry. Girls just gotta look good and have their own lives and interests.

I used to actually love partners with low self esteem so I could try to build them up. It's just a neutral thing to me now after my last low confidence partner ghosted me instead of communicating

Avpersonals · 2021-04-24T17:42:52+00:00

Ability to make decisions and take charge

McWhiters9511 · 2021-04-24T18:05:26+00:00

For me, if she gives a vibe of being genuine. If she's genuinely herself, I'm hooked

Captain___Sassy · 2021-04-24T18:02:20+00:00

Sweetness is the number one thing. Besides physical looks that is what we value. Despite what society tells you your career, wealth and education are minimally important to the vast majority of men. No one wants to finish a stressful day at work and come home to more troubles dumped in them by their partner. In light of this your career is probably really a detriment to your dating success.

loopitout · 2021-04-24T19:03:03+00:00

For hook-up it's looks & curves but for long term relationship chemistry is the most important thing for me

2021-04-24T21:17:52+00:00

Lack of confidence was one of the biggest reasons I broke up with my ex. She constantly needed attention and was very needy. It’s off putting. I felt like her carer at the end and it was very draining. Career/education means very little to a dude. If I seen you in a bar vs a girl that works at McDonald’s but she gives off better vibes I’m picking her every time. To find a good man you need to be in the right place, bars arnt for serious relationships lol. Also, guys want to fuck most women, it doesn’t mean anything. I find I lose a lot of interest in women because after the initial interest I find them very boring and sometimes lazy. Get a cool hobby to make yourself more interesting for long term prospects. Also, men look for qualities that he would find in a good wife. Being pretty will get you attention but it won’t make the dude want to stay around. Most high value men control relationships whereas women control access to sex :). Hope this helps! Good luck! ☺️

drpfw · 2021-04-25T00:37:56+00:00

You may not like the real answer. Younger, hotter, tighter.

AR4nd0mDud3 · 2021-04-24T17:10:56+00:00

Yup, a lack of confidence is definitively a huge turn-off for guys (or atleast it is to me, i say as a guy who literally has even less than zero confidence in himself), and while yes, appearance has quite a bit of attraction to it and is the main reason as to why very many either girls or women become someone's significant other just someone's appearance isn't enough for attraction for everybody (regardless of their gender) as attraction also has to do with suaveness, personality, nerdiness, dorkiness, possible interests, intelligence and a bunch more stuff that i unfortunately can not seem to remember as of writing this part of this comment.

I know that this isn't what you asked for but atleast my personally my turn-on's and turn-off's and the most important for me to be attracted to women (or in terms of anyone in general) are (in order from the things that i personally find to be the most important/the biggest turn-on's and what i find to be the least important/my biggest turn-off's):

Turn-on's: 1. High self-confidence, 2. What people see as a good/positive personality, 3. High intelligence, 4. Being as optimistic but also as realistic as they can (but especially the optimism part) 5. Nerdiness, 6. Being good at their craft (so to speak), 7. Dorkiness, 8. Focusing a lot of time on their interests 9. Interests (especially so if they're interested in the same things as me), 10. Letting me into her interests and letting me partake in them, 11. Letting me become a part of her interests. 12. Suaveness, 13. Being the one to take initiative (as i'm too scared to do so) and 14. Appearance.

Turn-off's: 1. Low self-confidence (especially so if it's absolutely horrendously low), 2. Being a petty b###h to anyone, 3. Being pessimistic, 4. Low intelligence, 5. Not letting me partake in her interests and 6. Not letting me become a part of her interests. There are probably more turn-off's i have but i can't remember more of them than what was stated just above.

Just a random sidenote: I actually finished watching an anime called "Your Lie In April" earlier today (today as of me writing and posting this comment being the 24th of April 2021) which has actually both re-ignited a spark in me which i thought was going to stay unlit forever after it burned out and changed my outlook on life so yeah, i highly recommend watching it if you haven't done so but just as a fair warning (if "warning" is the correct word to use here), you will probably cry A LOT.

Therocksays2020 · 2021-04-24T16:18:08+00:00

Some men prefer women with low self confidence because they find them easier to “game” it’s not gonna hurt you in the attraction phase.

meneksh · 2021-04-24T19:42:34+00:00

Listen sis, -yes I’m female and you asked for a man’s opinion but I’m still gonna comment: fuck all these male opinions of what they like (no offense) but fuck that! When you realize yourself and your potential, meaning you embrace your personality and your inhibitions take the backseat, in other words; when you become fully and comfortably yourself, that’s when you’ll stop caring for what men want. You’ll find someone who appreciates you, as yourself. Don’t actively try to be what other people (in this case, men) want. Just learn to be yourself more. You’ll realize what they want or need or find attractive is irrelevant. The right person will love you for you. It’s effortless, it doesn’t require advice on how to shape shift to become attractive: you already are! You just need to realize it! All the best:) And to every guy who’s offended that I’m encouraging a woman to not care what you think: your downvotes mean as much as your opinions of what a woman should or shouldn’t be.

dreweydecimal · 2021-04-24T17:59:00+00:00

So do looks matter? Yes, but all that means is you have to be in pretty good shape by exercising if you’re not naturally beautiful. Control what you can control.

Does self esteem matter? Yes. We all want people who love themselves and believe in themselves. I don’t want to have to feel like I have to validate you all the time to boost your self esteem.

Lastly, we flexible and easy going. Men want peace. We don’t want to fight and deal with drama. We want to love, get love back, give and get in return, take care of our women because we care about them, do things together and have sex. Then if it aligns we build a life together.

2021-04-24T18:07:32+00:00

Looks will obviously catch our eyes,but if I see that the girl is sweet(I see her offering her seat to someone elderly on the bus,answering politely to people etc),that would prolly attract every guy.

Aeon199 · 2021-04-24T18:12:12+00:00

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Own-Salad1974 · 2021-04-24T20:18:59+00:00

A gurl that is receptive to talk to me while also respecting herself and her time is very attractive. On top of that if she is hot, succesful, has a good social life etc, she would be like a godess to me.

NapalmOverdos3 · 2021-04-24T20:19:52+00:00

Confidence and a strong sense of humor tbh. If you’re funny you gain an instant attractiveness to me because I just genuinely want to talk to you and try and make you laugh as well

eablokker · 2021-04-24T20:41:03+00:00

Being above average in career, wealth, and education are often disadvantages for women in dating, unfortunately. Personally I really like educated women, but most men are threatened by it. By default women hold all the sexual power in the relationship, but now you've got all the financial power and knowledge power too. Leaves a man feeling like he has nothing of value to bring to the relationship. It is harder for educated wealthy career women to find a partner. It's the same concept as tall women having a harder time because there are fewer men who are as tall or taller.

It's often lack of self esteem that drives people to succeed in career and financially because they think that it will make them worthy and make up for what they lack. So I would say that the lack of self esteem is detrimental because it leads to being an over-achiever, and being an over-achiever as a woman makes it harder to find a partner. If you worked more on your self esteem you wouldn't need to be an achiever and that could make it easier to find a compatible partner.

Just my opinion.

acrackindahat · 2021-04-24T20:57:57+00:00

Reciprocation. There’s nothing sexier than a woman making plans for us to be together

Hot_Experience_3570 · 2021-04-24T21:05:24+00:00

Intelligence, I cannot take a lifetime as king of simpletown.

FalseButterscotch0 · 2021-04-24T22:45:56+00:00

I’m a woman but I’ll tell you in real simple terms what attracts them the most (based on scientific evidence), hip to waist ratio.

Daunt02 · 2021-04-24T15:49:49+00:00

Usually you attract who you are but women are a little more sensitive in feeling who a person is than guys. We usually need it spelled out for us. Try to get out of your comfort zone when you're out with friends. If you like a guy say hey but don't come off too strong of course. Meet people that would work well with your friends. Real men will show themselves as you shine.

As a woman with their shit together you can be a lot more choosey and don't be afraid to extract yourself out if you're not feeling it. You're the prize.

iron_ee · 2021-04-24T17:42:23+00:00

you can lack confidence and still be approachable. smile, being nice, open body posture, etc.

Mambassa · 2021-04-24T17:57:23+00:00

"Turn off" can mean everything and nothing.

The reality is that low self-esteem affects every parameter of our life.

This is a sub about seduction, but let's go past it and let's focus on relationship. I can speak from experience, unfortunately it's very hard to stay in a relashionship with a girl with low self-esteem. Everything can be misunderstood:

you pass an exam? She feels bad because she didn't;

you compliment her? She thinks you're lying;

and so much more.

Dating is not that hard: people will go past what are regarded as "small flaws"... but then they become a big deal as the time goes by.

Work on yourself and conquer your low self-esteem. You owe this to yourself and to the people you love/will love.

Jeshouane · 2021-04-24T18:09:02+00:00

I wouldn't care

j0sephl · 2021-04-24T18:21:53+00:00

Is a lack of self-esteem a huge turn off for guys?

A bit... I think women are their own worst critic. Most guys as others have noted see physical attributes first.

What I will say is don’t be passive. I feel like many women feel like a guy will come waltzing into their life because that is what society teaches them. Particularly from their favorite romcom. That’s Hollywood this is real life.

One thing I appreciated from my ex was she sent me texts after the first few dates. It was just random thoughts that let me know she was thinking about me. It wasn’t like “Hey I want you.” It was random stuff. Like “Hey, I listened to that band you recommended.” Which in turn I felt like I had then permission to ask her out on the second date, third date, and etc. She was making the effort to talk to me so I made the effort to try and date her.

If you lack that confidence just work on it. The common advice to get good at that is to just talk with everyone. I think that is good advice for women too.

If you like someone just do it. Guys like to chase we really do but give us permission to chase. Sitting and giving your crush a stare down and hoping he sees you won’t do anything. Often it’s just creepy.

Don’t be so passive in dating guys are not mind readers. If you enjoyed something and would like to do something again say so.

I think it’s also needs to be said you are NOT obligated to go out with a guy. If you don’t want to you say so. “I am not interested.”

The advice about stating your intentions and communication that is used for guys here works the other way too. There is certainly a women perspective to it but the advice is still sound.

ernst_starvo_blofeld · 2021-04-24T18:38:59+00:00

I'm curious why would you have lack of self confidence with all those good qualities? Do you lack BOTH self confidence AND self esteem?

crnm · 2021-04-24T18:42:36+00:00

It depends on what you mean by low self-confidence. Just have your own opinion on things and don't be afraid to state it. I used to date this girl that was ideal on paper but she just never disagreed on anything with me. It felt like she's just an exact copy of me in a female form and it felt completely fake. She just agreed with everything I said basically with no expansion on the topic. It was almost like she would just nod and agreed on anything. It really didn't feel genuine. I talked about it with her several times, I wanted her to not to worry to feel different about things. It's not like I'm looking for a conflict, I just crave a different point of view to be enriched. We all have our own different experience so we should be able to actually discuss things and there should be at least subtle differences in our point of view. Anyway, this is a huge turn off. It feels like she says the things she thinks I want to hear and this to me is the biggest sign of no self-confidence. You can be quiet, reserved, whatever, but please, feel free to expand on your opinion so I don't feel like I'm dating myself. Dating someone should be a learning and enriching experience.

gregsapopin · 2021-04-24T18:43:15+00:00

if the woman asked me out.

indiantakeoutmenu · 2021-04-24T18:49:13+00:00

There's way too much but on a very basic level personality and intelligence and the ability to make conversation

r_m_castro · 2021-04-24T18:53:53+00:00

I usually get easily attracted by women that like the same stuff I do. If a girl I consider attractive plays video games (PC or consoles, mobile phone doesn't count), likes going to the cinema, practises a martial art and has the same politicial incorret humour I have, she's on my wedding list already. So I guess the best way to be successful is being compatible with the guy.

Other thing that stands out is when she's the kind of girl that shares the bill. I don't like women that advocates for equality but don't wanna share the negative side of it.

It also can be applied to other stuff such as taking the initiative. Let's suppose he invited you for the first meeting and it was great. You don't need to wait for him to invite you to go out again. You can do invite him. And please, don't invite him and wait him to come up with the idea of where to go. You invite, you come up with the place and the date.

There's no need to restrain yourself as well. If you guys are kissing and start making out, there's no need to stop there because he might think you're a slut. I guess men don't think this way. They will love making out with you and take that as a positive thing. But of course, if you don't feel comfortable, don't do it.

Once I dated this girl that looked like a princess but was naughty as hell. We were at an empity session in a cinema once, making out a lot, my hand inside her bra, her hand inside my pants, then she dropped and gave me a blowjob right there. She didn't even ask for it, she just went for it. It was the most memorable date I had so far. Damm I still miss her. She moved to other country some weeks later.

kuavi · 2021-04-24T19:11:23+00:00

Do you have a passion for something? I'm not talking about ambition to excel in your career. That should be a given unless you are looking for a provider/housewife dynamic in your relationships.

Do you have hobbies?

Do you have a good work-life balance?

Do you have empathy for your fellow human?

Do you depend on an SO for your happiness?

If we know it's a lack of self-esteem, no. However, most likely your nervousness will be interpreted as a lack of interest which IS a problem unless you make an effort to tell a guy that you're having a great time but you're still easing into the dating scene for X reason and still figuring out how it works. Tell the guy that he's doing great and to keep it up if you're enjoying yourself on a date and you'll be in a much better spot cause he won't misinterpret your thoughts then.

j1ndujun · 2021-04-24T19:24:27+00:00

Dont play games and be straight forward.

kidkinder · 2021-04-24T19:28:19+00:00

I personally would say if you're on dates. Things I care for is openness to fun & willingness to try new things. Things I remember for good dates is good energy, goofy, excitement to be there.

Solaym · 2021-04-24T19:39:16+00:00

Personality and maturity

throwMeAwayTa · 2021-04-24T19:39:42+00:00

I'm a not particularly confident guy myself when it comes to approaching women and those sort of areas (fine in plenty of others) - I find a more confident woman less attractive generally.

Of course, we've got a bit of a catch 22, which might explain why I'm in this sub - because the two unconfident people aren't so likely to meet, or make the move if they do meet!

I tend to be generally 'understated' myself and definitely enjoy people I can encourage to see their worth, rather than cringe because they're seeing more worth than they've got.

DJGammaRabbit · 2021-04-24T19:40:31+00:00

A pair of jeans with the right V shape 🤤

If it’s long term you want, hobbies and interests, from videogames to car parts.

2021-04-24T19:43:12+00:00

Looks, intelligent and characters. Looks and humor will get the guys initially, but your character will keep them around. People have high respect for characters. Also, character build self esteem because you start to notice most people lack them.

2021-04-24T19:44:30+00:00

Me personally, I’d help a girl out if she’s feeling low by showering her with lil compliments, regardless of all the “simping.” One thing I love in a girl is that spark of individuality like if she smokes a cigarette idc because she wants to, dyes her hair purple and uses the blue coral #5 lipstick cause it’s hot as hell to her, watches anime and rips on my favorite because I’m lowkey crushing and roasts me on my cooking, etc. I mean there’s so many things to look for in a gal but overall, when you know then you know hehe:)

OuchCharlieOw · 2021-04-24T19:51:29+00:00

Beyond looks and all just being a nice person

FakeSafeWord · 2021-04-24T19:55:42+00:00

Is a lack of self-esteem a huge turn off for guys?

Not necessarily the low self-esteem itself, but if you constantly whine about it, or question why someone likes you, yeah it's repulsive.

Ok-Commission1561 · 2021-04-24T19:59:51+00:00

I want just vibes and just good conversation, plain and simple. Show interest but be mindful of flirting-it could be a dealbreaker or deal maker. And realize that there are some guys who would be genuinely interested in you, your values, and vibes-not every guy is trying to get laid or credentials from their buddies. Hope some of this helps!

lanky_yankee · 2021-04-24T20:08:02+00:00

Physically a pretty face (more specifically eyes) and personality wise, patience.

cleetusneck · 2021-04-24T20:35:50+00:00

If she looks happy. Especially if she’s at work/not doing something especially fun...

SonOfTheAfternoon · 2021-04-24T20:52:54+00:00

Companionship through the struggles of life

Jakeallenmusic · 2021-04-24T21:04:19+00:00

Tbh a smiley and outgoing person goes a long way.

throwawaymentalhealh · 2021-04-24T21:04:59+00:00

Loyalty, intelligence, maturity, ambition, sense of humor, kindness.

xaloartur · 2021-04-24T21:07:02+00:00

Depend of the guys but if is just to pick up a guy in the night the looks are top priority of 97% of us

EleoraHC · 2021-04-24T21:11:11+00:00

Be demure

nirvana328 · 2021-04-24T21:30:54+00:00

compassion and understanding. and no bitchiness. 🤷‍♂️

ajayhemant · 2021-04-25T00:40:05+00:00

https://www.hemantpandeyblog.com/love/what-makes-a-man-stay-madly-in-love-with-a-woman/

6 ways to make a man fall in love with you forever

Men are emotional beings. They show they are tough but in reality they are soft and tender from inside. More than hot sex, men like real care. They can sense whether or not you really care. Support them when they are emotionally disturbed, socially challenged and mentally troubled, and you found them hooked for life. Now you know why men love their mothers the most.

Full answer in blog.

2021-04-26T00:10:20+00:00

Men don't care about your money, and if together with your education comes arguments and a combative personality you are just shooting yourself in the foot.

Besides being attracted to their woman, men look for one thing: peace

We don't want to come home to a woman who is bitching, complaining, demanding, uncooperative, unfriendly. We want to come home to a woman that is soft, feminine, sweet, submissive, cooperative, supportive.

Do you want to retain a man after you sleep with him? Wake up before him the day after and prepare breakfast. Remember his challenges and struggles and encourage him to push through. Ignore the advice of feminists and serve him. Be willing to follow his lead. Don't dress up like a whore. Don't be addicted to IG.

Regarding looks: get on a diet and to the gym. We love fit chicks, with a nice pair of legs and a sense of style. Also, you can approach guys. Most of us don't bite and will treat you nicely. Don't be scared, I promise your assertiveness will be rewarded.

Maybe a feminity coach will be good, there are many on youtube.
Good luck!

strawberryadvil · 2021-04-24T19:10:33+00:00

Just exist

robbinh00d · 2021-04-24T21:21:57+00:00

Aesthetics, after aesthetics personality. However, you don’t get to see their personality until approaching them due to their aesthetics.

J2794 · 2021-04-24T19:29:45+00:00

If they have a dick it's usually a strong turn off

El0vution · 2021-04-24T19:15:24+00:00

If you have a high quality man, you need to learn to feed him. Cook for him EVERYDAY. Good looks and sex are easy to come by for a high quality man. Being domesticated and homely will keep him always coming back to you.

useme24-7 · 2021-04-24T22:16:29+00:00

It can be if your lack of self confidence cause you to be jealous but definitely not a deal breaker because whoever you're interested in will just have to reassure you on how amazing you are and try not to convince him of the opposite because you might think differently of your self that could cause headaches for him 😉

StereoFood · 2021-04-24T22:24:52+00:00

For short term, tight clothing. Even if you’re a little fat.

Long term, a conversation where you’re asking about me and want to spend quality time together. Definitely not “let’s go to the bar so I can show you off to my friends and play games all night bullshit.” That will end up in a break up eventually.

KazamaSmokers · 2021-04-24T22:39:51+00:00

A slightly screwy sense of humor.

Schroef · 2021-04-24T22:41:37+00:00

A lack of confidence will always cause trouble in the long run, you should really try to fix it if you want a lasting, satisfying relationship. There are no shortcuts for this. Self confidence is the foundation of everything.

Take it from a guy who struggled with confidence for years and years

RabbitChris · 2021-04-24T22:47:47+00:00

These are some turnoffs and turnons ANY women can have btw:

Turnoffs include women who get too close to their guy friends, dont be having pics on ur social media with ur face pressed up against another dude if youre just friends lmao(doesnt count if theyre gay). Also women who cant handle their alcohol, they tend to get annoying, bossy, or loud.

My biggest turnon by far is a woman with flirty but piercing eye contact. If they has a beautiful smile and big lips to go along with it, im cuffing for sure.

MarvelDcKage · 2021-04-24T22:52:11+00:00

Besides how she looks, how smart she is. Love an intelligent women that makes me challenge myself

dasanman69 · 2021-04-24T22:57:59+00:00

Her femininity, the more feminine a woman is the more I'm attracted to her.

_ijor_ · 2021-04-24T23:09:57+00:00

As a person with high self-esteem, I would tell you that a lack of self-esteem is indeed a huge turnoff when I meet a girl. The best way to overcome this challenge is for you to be upfront about the insecurity you have in that moment, maybe even in your opener. That displays humility and courage which is attractive.

Beansieee · 2021-04-24T23:26:19+00:00

It would be personality. Like matching humour, sensibilities and outlook in life. Self esteem is important but dont worry about it too much. Itll come over time. Just try to work on other parts of your life and enjoy the small things. No one is uber confident 24/7 all their lives. Take your time, itll come. :)

Hobbies can help you develop more confidenxe too!

StrikeThePing · 2021-04-24T23:29:30+00:00

Being approached, having the first move made on me, has the effect of putting you on my mind even if I hadn't even considered it before.

GEEZUS_956 · 2021-04-24T23:33:13+00:00

I’ve found I like many shapes and sizes of girls, but I focus on the face the most. That is what will initially attract me, but the most important thing to me is confidence. Speak up, don’t be afraid, look at me. I’ve met girls who have given me their number, and that’s about where it ends. Keeping up and having a talk over a coffee is just too serious for them.

peanutcolata · 2021-04-24T23:43:43+00:00

Y’all all say “good personality” but what do you guys consider to be a “good personality”?

Alpha-Charlie-Romeo · 2021-04-24T23:51:48+00:00

Personality wise, making yourself approachable is a big one.

Being generally friendly to people, smiling or waving at someone or something along those lines. Basically any signal to them that you acknowledge their existence. Doing that will get guys around you more.

And if they try to talk to you, stick around and listen to them. My last girlfriend was so difficult to approach because every time I tried to talk to her she talked and walked off so I thought that she wasn't interested. Because of that I knew her for a year before we finally had an opportunity to connect and it turns out she liked me the whole time which I found insanely confusing. I asked her about it and she said she was nervous and did stupid things around me, which thinking back she did have this uncontrollable giggle that changed pitch every second and she was very quiet with sudden outbursts of confident sentences. But I never thought much of them, I just thought she was awkward and it was cute. So I guess the moral of that story is to do things even if it makes you look stupid because otherwise I won't get to talk to you.

I wouldn't say a lack of self-esteem is a huge turnoff. After all, us guys tend to have a lack of self-esteem anyway but just don't show it! But it's a problem if you put little to no effort in, because it leads us to think you're not interested at all or it makes us think you're playing hot and cold which is a massive turnoff.

But yeah. Approachable. Stay approachable. Make it easy for people to talk to you. Don't close yourself off. Don't be afraid to say no. Don't be afraid to push guys off of you and don't be afraid to go after the guys you want around you. It's not really about self-esteem because he might like you even if you don't like yourself. It's more about being brave enough to take a step out to meet someone half-way. Remember that you're not letting your feelings be known for no reason, you're doing it to find a partner. That's your goal. And you obviously care enough about it that you're willing to take the risk of being seen a certain way, but it's worth it. Remember that you're doing all of this because you want to. Because you're going to get something out of all of this.

gr3nade · 2021-04-25T00:13:00+00:00

This turned out longer than I wanted it to be but if you read it, I hope it helps.

I can't speak for any other guy so take this with a grain of salt but I think there are four main ingredients to a good long-term relationship for most people. I've listed them in no particular order. I think all four are essential.

1) Physical attraction on both sides

2) Alignment in values - Both people need to have their own set of values but there needs to be a lot of overlap in them. Especially the most important ones.

3) Good communication - Be honest and open about pretty much everything, if nothing else both of you should feel safe when talking to each other about anything

4) Balanced power dynamic - One person shouldn't overpower the other. Not in a physical sense but more in a personality, behaviour and values sense. This doesn't necessarily mean that both have the same amount of power in the relationship. It just means that whatever the power dynamic is, is balanced. Both people need to have a say in what matters and this dynamic needs to allow both people to always be able to live in line with their own values. One person can make every major decision pretty much by themselves and if the other person is totally OK with that then this is balanced. The key to finding this is communication. Personally, I like an even power dynamic. I love strong, confident women but I'm not the most assertive guy. So I would need to be careful not to get into a relationship with a woman that is too assertive. Lots of guys love shy and less assertive girls so you may have more luck with guys like that. But that doesn't necessarily mean they will fit the rest of the criteria or that you'll necessarily have a balanced power dynamic with all of them.

All that being said, I think lack of self-esteem is a huge problem in general. Even if a guy finds shyness attractive in you, low self esteem is bigger than that. Often time low self-esteem makes you see problems that don't exist and fuck things up even if there is no reason to do so. Low self esteem can lead to a lot of unintended self-sabotage in relationships. But don't worry, it's not like I'm saying there is no hope. Tons of people have low self-esteem. I would go so far as to say that most people have lower self-esteem than they should. I personally struggle with it a lot but it's something I work on and get better with year after year. You know your own situation with low self esteem better than I ever will so just work at it.

One other note, you said you are above average in pretty much every category other than self-esteem. Most people think they're above average but at least half of them are wrong. First, reassess yourself against the "average" as objectively as possible. Second, even if you are truly well above average, you need to not let yourself get caught up in thinking you "deserve" anything. This can easily lead to incorrect expectations and inaction. None of us "deserve" anything: not food, not water, not respect, not a relationship. (I think people should have all those things but those are my values, not what we are actually owed by life)

Every aspect of a relationship requires work, but in a good one the work should feel fun or at the very least well worth doing. Face your fears, work on your issues, work on finding a good relationship. Get into bad relationships and figure out what you want. Fuck everyone else's values. Figure out your own and live by them. Compromise on things that don't really matter and hold true to the things that do. Don't let things like averages into the equation. Statistics don't apply to an individual life.

Also, a direct approach with guys is usually great since a ton of guys, including myself, are OBLIVIOUS to subtle signs of interest. And I can promise you, even if you get shot down, you'll probably have made their day.

I hope you found some of that useful and I hope you build a relationship with someone where you make each other happy.

GoodPuzzled · 2021-04-25T00:21:26+00:00

Im gay

TheLuckOfGatsby · 2021-04-25T00:24:12+00:00

be DIRECT.

2021-04-25T00:48:46+00:00

For the initial approach: Strong sense of style. I don’t care as much about physique and such so much as I do presentation. Doesn’t even have to be perfectly primped-up Barbie, but wherever you are, stick out. I’m a lot more likely to notice someone dressed like a punk or a hipster artist personally, since I’m a sucker for vintage. Makeup game definitely helps too. Someone who looks like she puts effort into her appearance and has carved out a unique look for herself is most likely to get initial attention.

In conversation: Being particularly passionate and opinionated. I’m a guy with a cause and I dig it when someone can match that energy. Much easier to escalate tension that way, and more fun to converse with. Be animated and expressive too, talk with your hands, laugh heartily. Shows you’re into what you’re saying.

skaag · 2021-04-25T01:18:09+00:00

I appreciate intelligence, humor, zero drama, a cool and “I got this” type of personality. Bonus points if a lady is educated and loves reading books, and loves discovering new music, new art, etc.

Dracron · 2021-04-25T01:21:43+00:00

So one of the things I would say is that when it comes to low self-esteem, what we are looking for is someone that feels free to enjoy themselves. It can be hard for me to have a connection when you look like your not sure what you should be doing and are maybe a little afraid. Now for my part, I would try to alleviate those fears, but while I'm a fairly empathic person, its not a perfect sense and it tends to cause me reflect the people I'm with. Mostly, though I want to know you're genuinely enjoying yourself when you're with me, especially in the early months of dating.

Lower self confidence can be very cute, depending on how it expresses itself, and depends on the guy. People joke about white knights, but there are guys whose fantasy is to be the protector of their partner, and there are some guys absolutely do not want that. All guys are looking for different things.

I see lots of guys saying that you need to go to the gym, and that is true for those guys, and not necessarily for everyone. Yes, it good advice, as is saying that you should continue your learning past school and a million other things, but its not a requirement for most men, just for men that are also going to the gym as part of their lifestyle.

In general, if you are in a place where you feel like you are above average in looks, your looks are probably doing all the work they need to, but extra effort is appreciated.

2021-04-25T01:45:34+00:00

A desire to learn and understand alternative points of view. Also, objectivity in thinking and not crazy.

realmtraveller · 2021-04-25T01:53:30+00:00

Its not a problem for caring men. Some men would be happy to help a girl with a lack of confidence. Although they may be upset if she leaves him after she got more confident because she thought she could get someone better. Theres a difference between lack of self confidence and someone who is neurotic or has irrational fears or phobias that they are not willing or able to tackle. Depends if a girl is naturally shy and quiet or just needs more practice in social and life situations. Why you lack in confidence can matter. If it was from past events, people and circumstances and if they can be overcome. Normally I think men could cope with some lack of confidence as long they loved the girl.

Asa-Ryder · 2021-04-25T02:08:36+00:00

Personality

msgs · 2021-04-25T02:13:32+00:00

Yep, fitness and self-esteem. A healthy amount of both.

(But hey I feel ya, I don't have great self-esteem either. Fake it until you make it, right?)

I would also add ever curious about the world. Intelligence isn't all about knowledge but knowing enough to ask good questions about things one doesn't. I like to ask questions to women (and all people really) who know things that I don't.

2021-04-25T02:22:09+00:00

I know the feeling!! I have lived with low self esteem since I was young and have no idea why. I decided, it doesn’t matter why, I want it to stop. It holds us back in every way and wrecks relationships. I started seeing a therapist, she helped me uncover some things about my childhood and my “attachment style”.

Seeing her was expensive ($100/hr once or twice a week) so I haven’t been going as much but she helped set me on a path.

My opinion, a woman with low self esteem can definitely attract a man but (my opinion) not a good one. Remind yourself of what you have to offer and learn to enjoy your own company. Good luck. 💕

My3CentsWorth · 2021-04-25T02:30:16+00:00

Confidence is sexy. Things like career wealth ect are all good on paper, but the true attraction comes from how you feel around someone. Do you feel free to be yourself, and have that wierd quirky fun, or do you feel like you need to tread lightly around them to not upset, or put up a front for self preservation and image.

Meshingj · 2021-04-25T02:38:21+00:00

If you’re( any women worth her salt) decent at looks, and you have confidence and have competency in other areas of your life, then the only thing you can do is don’t be a BITCH! This may be across as rude but I can’t tell you how overlooked this aspect is by many women. Hones opinion

FalconVita · 2021-04-25T03:25:11+00:00

When she makes the first move

TallDarkandBot · 2021-04-25T03:29:11+00:00

For me, genuine curiosity is a big plus. Asking questions that get down to the why are great. Always a turn on when you can feel that the person wants to know the real you and it doesn’t feel like a song & dance. As far as lack of self esteem, I’d say so long as it doesn’t manifest itself in a consistently negative way then it isn’t a big deal.

domo94 · 2021-04-25T04:18:32+00:00

The way she talks 🤤🥴

YourNewProphet · 2021-04-25T04:33:19+00:00

intelligence... but don't listen to me, I'm minority in this regards

RapTVCalifornia · 2021-04-25T04:38:40+00:00

Independent. Strong personality. Intelligent. Bold. Kind. Overall a good person.

akshayv24 · 2021-04-25T05:09:50+00:00

Very honestly, you’ve gotta approach them. Make plans, show interest, take some charge as to when and where you wanna meet them. You say guys approach you but you don’t like them, you approach the ones that you like and see how it goes. Take steps and be active in their lives. Also, dress sharp based on when, where and the occasion. Your talk, clothes, approach and atmosphere set your mood for the time. Set the tone and make your intensions clear. For instance: if you like a guy, invite him to a party and pregame, make bold touchy flirty moves, there’s a good chance you’ll make your intentions clear that you’re most likely hooking up. Because the mood and vibe is set that way.

Now, if you invite him for a lunch/ coffee or dinner, it’s more of a date date. You spend time to get to know them and get an insight into their lives. Make inside jokes. Then take steps and start defining a relationship.

Self esteem you say. It’s confidence. If your answer to everything is “idk you decide” then they’ll probably won’t take too many steps if they don’t like you as much. Take definitive steps. I wanna have “specifics” for dinner. I wanna hang out more. I like you. Let’s hang out more. Let’s get drinks. Don’t wait, start doing. Make plans and set the tone. Let them know that they have to dress to impress or dress accordingly.

That’s just what I think.

Garlicking78 · 2021-04-25T05:28:37+00:00

Lack of self esteem is a big turn of for me. Being funny, eloquent and light hearted is the biggest turn on, I am sapiosexual ;-)

Headshot03 · 2021-04-25T05:49:26+00:00

One thing I'm sure is majority of men like us absolutely miss on what you'd call 'hints' and 'cues'. Be clear with your intentions and shoot your shot while the bread's still hot.

tetrachromancy · 2021-04-25T06:25:31+00:00

Read the book ‘Six Pillars of Self Esteem’

In the meantime, confidence is built like a muscle from evidence of things going well.

That means it’s time to push your comfort zone. Further and further. It’s going to be painful but you will be stronger and more confident for it.

andreecook · 2021-04-25T06:37:48+00:00

My advice especially for girls who lack confidence is don’t come across as not confident. I’ve met some really attractive girls with no confidence and it sometimes kills it for me cause it feels like I’m talking to someone who’s not even making me chase at all and kinda feels inexperienced

2021-04-25T07:13:18+00:00

Feistiness

Shadow__Account · 2021-04-25T08:55:52+00:00

I think low self esteem is a huge turn off to “high quality guys” so yes a low self esteem woman can get laid and get low quality relationships with needy guys super easy as compared to low self esteem guys, but to find a high quality relationship will be just as hard and require lots of personal development hard work, so just as for guys, some things (what you are asking for) can help a bit, but in the end it won’t matter much, probably even less as for guys, because you can already get laid.

2021-04-25T08:55:53+00:00

[permanently deleted]

MO_drps_knwldg · 2021-04-25T09:20:02+00:00

I think desperation and neediness are some of the biggest turnoffs for both men and women.

Aside from those negativity is my biggest personal turn off.

2021-04-25T09:22:20+00:00

The one thing? Be feminine. So that’s youth, long hair, makeup, nails, beauty, amazing style, etc... and yes this is a real deal breaker.

Sufficient_Art_6874 · 2021-04-25T09:42:35+00:00

That she is emotionally secure,mentally stable, genuinely cares about me and is patient enough to not run off the moment something goes wrong or I fail miserably.

Falseness is a huge turn off for me. Some girls make me honestly want to gag with all their fake smiles and paragraph long social media stories containing nothing but retarded shit.

She should be comfortable discussing uncomfortable stuff with me, like the white night in her life who is making me uncomfortable, or the fact that getting piss drunk in public is neither productive nor does it ever end with something good.

Appearance is so very insignificant but important. And taste varies widely so no fixed rules here. Being your genuine self I think is the best move you can make.

little_miss_underdog · 2021-04-25T11:17:41+00:00

submissiveness/devotion

basically, femininity

Capable-Lavishness92 · 2021-04-25T12:06:50+00:00

We'll it'snt necessary to make a bf n gf rather then make periorties one self imp n it.. n results. it well overcome ur all in-securities of ur self.. after that if u get n relationship. You will never project ur in securities in ur partner. Rather u attract who are n same

wallynext · 2021-04-25T12:11:25+00:00

Compassion

YukonDude64 · 2021-04-25T14:53:32+00:00

Confidence and sense of humor are my biggest turn-ons. Love women who are comfortable in their own skin.

hoiabaciufan10 · 2021-04-25T17:06:21+00:00

33 EAST EU man here. I have plenty. All of them are important.

Blushing- indicating vulnerability. That is an auto response. Cannot be faked.
The tone of her voice (I am an auditive learner from the VAK).
Good habits: non smoking, being fit. Work out 2/wk.
No fake stuff in her body. None of that. Makes me puke.
Being smart. There is nothing sexier than seeing a woman read on the train/bus/metro.
Having her life and friends. There is life outside the relationship.

hoiabaciufan10 · 2021-04-25T17:13:01+00:00

33 EAST EU man here. I have plenty. All of them are important.

Blushing- indicating vulnerability. That is an auto response. Cannot be faked.
The tone of her voice (I am an auditive learner from the VAK).
Good habits: non smoking, being fit. Work out 2/wk.
No fake stuff in her body. None of that. Makes me puke.
Being smart. There is nothing sexier than seeing a woman read on the train/bus/metro.
Having her life and friends. There is life outside the relationship.

half_of_the_puzzle · 2021-04-26T04:11:00+00:00

I think the sexiest,most alluring quality of all the people I have dated in the past is less obvious than other traits many have discussed. For me it is good old-fashioned intelligence. That ability to deal with things witehout being overly emotional while considering the pertinent facts and behaving in a goal-oriented manner for the best resolution with dignity. Whether we use it consistently or not to possess it is enough. .

rumlyne · 2021-04-26T05:46:27+00:00

Be feminine. If you manage to be a feminine women in a western country you'll stand out to those looking for it.

calvito23 · 2021-04-26T11:10:31+00:00

What would you say the source of your low self esteem?

nongo · 2021-04-26T15:40:26+00:00

What they do is based on their worldview. I try to gauge how accurately they portray themselves in the things they focus or spend time on. Use more humor. Women are kind of boring sometimes. Someone who's not afraid to speak their mind and be challenging in conversations.

gillmanblacklagooner · 2021-04-26T21:41:22+00:00

Definetely no. Not a huge, not a small turn off. Men are not so selective at first sight. Looks, talks, humor, insights... men usually “fell” into this. I’m talking as a man. And my perspective can be narrow minded by my own likes and dislikes I think...

calvito23 · 2021-04-29T21:41:09+00:00

I think a shy unconfident woman is sexy. Building her up and making her feel good and sexy within herself is a massive turn on for me...being part of someone’s journey to self discovery is amazing!

Title	If there is one thing that would attract you the most about a woman, what would it be?
Author	Additional-Half-2112
Upvotes	379
Comments	225
Date	April 24, 2021 3:39 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/mxmemm/if_there_is_one_thing_that_would_attract_you_the/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/if-there-is-one-thing-that-would-attract-you-the.1285613 https://theredarchive.com/post/1285613

Comments

1 - baseline looks

2 - openness and communication

3 - character/personality fit - or, chemistry