Lets have a discussion about something thats been bugging me: Unatractive Girls

Atriev · 2019-11-30T02:02:17+00:00

She has a lot of stuff to offer that other girls can’t. She sounds like a wonderful person and I admit I won’t approach her either. No one is perfect.

Life is unfair. Some people have bigger advantages than others and some people are born with severe disfigurements.

deviantkink · 2019-11-30T03:57:14+00:00

If it weren't for her looks I'd date the fuck outta her.

Yeah but who's to say she would date you if she were hotter?

That's not intended to be a snarky question, that's just reality. People tend to mold their personalities based on their experiences, and if she were hotter she too would be getting guys approaching her left and right. Maybe because of that she wouldn't have the same openness or conversation skills or drive to succeed, you never know.

The reality of the situation is that finding someone who has it all (looks, personality, education, etc) is rare. You got to pick and choose what you want to prioritize.

LoveNotH86 · 2019-11-30T03:55:44+00:00

A year or so ago I decided to "date down"(I hate this term and don't believe in it but I figure people will know what I mean if I use it). Dating via apps had me basing everyone off looks first and it was not working for me. I met this woman who had a great career, a mid six figure salary, was fun, the works but I personally had no physical attraction to her and it got worse when we ended up in bed. I tried to fight past it because she had so many other great qualities but it just didn't work. Is it superficial? Yes, but attraction is a full spectrum of things and if it's not there, it's not there.

FairAnalyst · 2019-11-30T02:38:32+00:00

Btw what made the girl unattractive? Fat? Or didn't makeup / dress well?

Jacked2TheTits · 2019-11-30T03:49:36+00:00

Why cant you just be friends with her? Why is it you can only have plans to date her or not? Do you date your guy friends too?

I just don't get this line of thinking... its perfectly fine to have a friend that you enjoy hanging out with but aren't attracted to.

ChrisDarmount · 2019-11-30T02:48:29+00:00

I figure with attractive women, sometimes it’s not even that they hold an especially high value of themselves over other people. A lot of times, for the ones that are genuine people, which is probably most of them, it’s just that they can’t physically talk to every guy that hits in them. It’s way to exhausting and impossible. They either have to throw up these shields or not leave the house.

As for this unnattractive girl, I feel you on the guilt and your compassion for her. But also, she’s got to put in the work like everyone else if she wants the results.

CowsterPower · 2019-11-30T04:36:15+00:00

Can't date someone you're not attracted to. That's like feeling bad that you don't want to date your male friend who you really vibe with, rejection is a part of life and will all go through it

sailorsfightingin · 2019-11-30T04:54:10+00:00

I'm a female, recently been in a very similar story, felt shitty and guilty, and to be honest still can't get over it.

One lesson I learned though... Being attracted is not about your mind, it's about your body. I think we can train our minds into different mindsets, try to see things from a different perspectives, etc, etc. But if your body naturally doesn't get attraction/arousal/something along those lines with a specific person -- you can't help it. That's just the hard truth.

hefledthescene · 2019-11-30T06:03:27+00:00

Dating someone you're not attracted to but get along with is basically just hanging out with friends.

Pretty messed up for both people involved because of the expectations that go with dating. Be honest with yourself and with her. Nothing good comes of starting a relationship based on a lie.

interdimensionalgang · 2019-11-30T04:45:44+00:00

Please Don't feel guilty, because there is no reason to. You like her as a person and that is nice, you don't need to like her in a sexual way. Humans have sexual preferences and that is not something to feel bad about.

If you like her, be her friend. It does not need to be more.

jimmytime8 · 2019-11-30T05:29:18+00:00

And now you know how it is to be a short guy with a great personality to women

mydogandtheoutdoors · 2019-11-30T05:42:07+00:00

At some point in your life you’ll start to prioritize personality over appearance. Maybe it will take a life changing experience... The girl who’s hot AF that you fall in love with might fuck you up.. and then all the sudden girl who wasn’t so hot but much a better person will suddenly be more attractive in your eyes. Or maybe you get lucky and you find looks + personality in the girl you like.

I’ll fuck a hot girl.. but for a long term relationship I know I’ll end up with maybe less than average unless I find a unicorn.

I’m guessing she has to be somewhat pretty for you even to talk to her. I wouldn’t even be interested in talking to someone who was very unattractive. Shitty I know but it is what it is.

MrSpankinator · 2019-11-30T05:31:30+00:00

It's the same as woman not finding you attractive man.. it happens. I'm sure there's men out there that do find her attractive, so its all good. We are all different in what we find attractive.

no_more_caffeine · 2019-11-30T08:45:05+00:00

I don’t think you should feel guilty, everyone’s entitled to their own preferences. If you refused to make conversation with her or showed any arrogance etc because you didn’t find her attractive, THAT would be something to feel guilty about. You have to be attracted to someone to want to pursue them because physical attraction and sex are (generally) very important in a relationship.

alimbade · 2019-11-30T10:24:19+00:00

I can relate to this but with a twist...

I recently got my shit together after my breakup and started to use tinder and hit on girls I find attractive. One morning, I saw a tinder match notification on my phone. I swiped on the girl because she had a really nice face, but that was the only thing I could see on her pictures.. you know where this is going right ? After only like 3-4 messages, SHE asked to meet for a drink! I was stunned because that-just-never-happen. We met on the late evening for a drink and I realized she was small and really chubby, still a pretty face though, better than in pictures (a rare case!). I thought like "whatever, let's do this!" and we actually got along pretty well and we spoke until 2am!

What I liked about her was her face, of course, but also her confidence! She was not doubting of anything about that night, she took the initiative to ask me out and she even choose the bar we went.

I didn't know what to think about all this because I would never have hit on her on the street. I've been working out a lot, building myself a really decent body, eating well to be in perfect shape, bought new clothes I feel good and pretty in, etc. So I thought I should only date girls that are attractive to me. But the chemistry was pretty strong and I thought I should give her another shot, just to convince myself.

The second date went exactly like the first and at the very end I just went for the kiss! I'm still not convinced I should make her my girlfriend because I know I would be tempted to hit on hot girls, so I told her we could be FWB and she was ok with it...

Even though this is kind of a cool situation for me, I still feel like shit about my decision. This girl is great but I just don't feel it for more, I'm not comfortable dating a girl that is not fully attractive to me.

As I read in other comments, attractiveness is a complicated spectrum of things. Humans are complicated animals. Life is unfair.

I think we probably should do with all this and follow our guts in the end.

MarTweFah · 2019-11-30T10:46:54+00:00

And yet, this unattractive ~~girl~~guy has so much to offer a ~~guy~~girl, just not on the eye. If it weren't for ~~her~~his looks I'd date the fuck outta ~~her~~him. I honestly feel bad for ~~her~~him, ~~she~~he deserves a great guy and I hope ~~she~~he gets one.

This is also how attractive girls feel when unattractive guys apporach them.

dWaldizzle · 2019-11-30T05:01:46+00:00

Looks are just as important as personality.

Pure-Aspect · 2019-11-30T02:59:54+00:00

There are two ways to look at this.

1) You show interest, give her hope and validation, maybe even have sex with her and only to bail eventually for a hotter women. In this frame she is a victim, you essentially used her. You are a bad person.

2) You show interest, hang out with her, treat her nicely, even have physical intimacy with her, but since you treated her nicely and valued her for her intellect you both are having a good time. Since you are not sexually attracted to her obviously you have no future together, at the same time she has a great time and care while you are together. In this frame she is no longer a victim, you both are having a good time.

It is up to her and you, how you view the situation.

TotesMessenger · 2019-11-30T04:55:53+00:00

I'm a bot, bleep, bloop. Someone has linked to this thread from another place on reddit:

[/r/asktrufemcels] Lets have a discussion about something thats been bugging me: Unatractive Girls
[/r/femaledatingstrategy] You could be the coolest woman in the world, but if you are ugly you are fucked
[/r/pinkpillfeminism] Lets have a discussion about something thats been bugging me: Unatractive Girls
[/r/trufemcels] Brutal Pinkpill
[/r/vindicta] Looksmaxxing is essential to getting a boyfriend. You could be interesting, kind and successful but if you’re ugly you won’t get a bf

^{If you follow any of the above links, please respect the rules of reddit and don't vote in the other threads.} ^(Info ^/ ^Contact)

demon-minx183 · 2019-11-30T06:30:05+00:00

I’m a female and have been in this situation. However theirs lots of guys I dated that weren’t attractive to most people , that I found attractive. People would always say “ you’re too pretty for him “ or “how did he get you” which is mean but that’s how most people see it.

Theirs also dudes that weren’t that attractive that seemed great but I wasn’t attracted to. It’s not just about how they look ,someone can be a 4/5 and be attractive to you. And maybe not to most people.

I think a lot of it has to do with chemistry. And I’ve felt bad before for rejecting guys based on me not being attracted to them , but it’s important to be attracted to the person you’re dating and being intimate with.

reddi2K · 2019-11-30T07:03:29+00:00

Ahhh the great paradox ... would she be so engaging if she were a 10 ... and how many angels can dance on the head of a pin

killertubbie · 2019-11-30T05:32:10+00:00

What I admire the most is the fact that you have this decency in you of treating her like a real humans being!

Sure, you can't force yourself to be physically attracted to her but you did the right thing in a social gathering which is to get to know people regardless of their appearances. (I was in the same position as you criticizing my "scumbag" brain.)

A physically unattractive person should never know or be aware of what I think of him/her about their appearances. This should be a basic motto for everyone. If any of you who has seen the movie "Elephant Man", you'll understand why people like Frederick Treves are worthy of respect!

People who unconsciously avoiding talking to you simply because they don't like your "appearance" are despicable! They're just not intelligent enough to understand that nobody on this planet has chosen their race, height, gender or physical appearance!

Isn't obvious?!

PrsnPersuasion · 2019-11-30T06:22:40+00:00

Ok? We all know that looks are a huge factor in attraction. There’s no need to feel bad about it and virtue signal your guilt. Humans are all superficial fucktards. It’s disgusting but that’s the way it is and it’s counterproductive to analyze it or feel bad about it. All other things being equal, that unattractive girl would have chosen a better looking man over you given the opportunity, just like you’ve done to her.

ParaLegalese · 2019-11-30T03:52:23+00:00

Yeah that’s how it works. Unfortunately personality is not enough.

youllnevercatchmeNSA · 2019-11-30T06:33:28+00:00

I just had this conversation with a friend. "Love" in the romantic sense.... is conditional, as it involves attraction. We are attracted based on qualities that can change and/or be taken away. This is why there can be a disconnect between being attracted to someone and developing a long term trust. I have also noticed that communities that are more focused on ltrs will have pairings full of people that are not as attractive.

I also wonder, lowkey, what is attraction really? There are certian qualities that are very common, but a lot of what we want from women (thin, curvy, large breasts, etc. etc) is based on this society at this point in time. It doesn't mean much to the actual person. As such, it affects how people treat these women and effects how they learn to socialize. But I do not think it is intrinsic.

If you go after the "hot" women you will have to accept this. You have to accept your desire is just a society ...thing... and play a game. And, honestly, it is not a game that would result in someone that would actually make a good partner.

Me personally though . I don't mind. If it is a game. So be it.

stikkinikkk · 2019-11-30T07:54:25+00:00

Conventionally unattractive girl here. I found my fiancé who is physically out of my league somehow. We were friends for a long time and eventually he fell in love with me and suddenly I wasn’t unattractive to him anymore 😂

AnneStaz · 2019-11-30T11:34:17+00:00

Still super valuable man. Not every girl is just a pussy to have sex with ya know that right lol...

These girls tend to make great friends, I was just out with one of mine until 4am last night fuckin drinking, eating good food, talking about life, buying milk for cute stray cats. It was a great fun time, and theres just nothing sexual involved. That's the way these relationships go.

It's different than a guy friend because they bring a feminine energy, its refreshing

DrumsKing · 2019-11-30T13:04:31+00:00

This is the exact definition of "Friend Zone". With the tables turned, so to speak.

spartan1337 · 2019-11-30T15:05:13+00:00

Now flip the switch and this happens to 95% of guys who arent attractive.

2019-11-30T18:40:20+00:00

Ask from Tony Robbins to hypnotize you so that girls who are smart and kind would appear beautiful to your eyes, like Jack Black did in Shallow Hal movie.

Joking aside, that's our male nature. We're hard-wired to be attracted to beautiful women. Would a woman feel sorry for rejecting a smart but not so masculine guy? No. Then you shouldn't feel bad either. Besides, you didn't take advantage of her.

The older we get, the less we care about the physical attractiveness of a potential partner. Nevertheless there will always be a threshold of attractiveness under which we won't bother to look at all.

2019-11-30T21:49:01+00:00

Hmmm...do you think she really had any interest in dating you? Women talk to men just to be nice most of the time. She probably doesn’t give a fuck what you think of her looks lol.

Did she ask you once? Did she tell you she was interested?

Lmao, the entitlement of thinking every woman wants you to take up any little space you have to offer in her cervix is hilarious.

We don’t care what random dudes think of us, and the fact that you feel you need to voice this? Hahahahaha hahahahaha

watercloset16 · 2019-11-30T04:03:57+00:00

Damn. Story of my freaking life.

No, you're not vain. You're just being a dude.

N5830512 · 2019-11-30T07:06:59+00:00

I understand that you don’t find her attractive, and that’s completely okay (to each his own, etc) but I don’t get why it ‘bugs’ you though? Just be her friend and move on, find someone else that checks those boxes for you? Idk, just saying

lajake1990 · 2019-11-30T05:10:26+00:00

ok dude you can have this outlook, but you don't get to turn around and complain about women who decline to "get to know you" and realize you're "a great guy" even though you don't look like a hemsworth brother.

jesusisnice · 2019-11-30T05:20:31+00:00

I used to struggle with this kind of guilt as well. I have met many girls I don’t find attractive that are great to talk too, but the truth of the matter is no relationship will work if one party isn’t attracted too the other.

TrekkieSolar · 2019-11-30T05:31:35+00:00

I'm curious - what about her did you find physically unattractive, and why did you find it unattractive? Are you talking about attractive in a more conventional sense or what you find attractive personally? In my experience, attraction isn't simply a question of fitting certain physical parameters but has as much to do with body language, behavior, personality, fashion sense, etc.

Now, if you aren't attracted to someone - physically not feeling it - it's totally okay! You aren't supposed to be attracted to and hit on everyone you meet. Besides, who's to say that she'd necessarily want to date you even if you did try escalating? Let it go, and if you vibed with her try to become friends. No need to try to turn everyone into a potential partner.

GrantTB · 2019-11-30T05:41:08+00:00

Life is way too short to spend one second worrying about this.

SpaceBrownie501 · 2019-11-30T07:53:33+00:00

?/10

Crixusgannicus · 2019-11-30T09:08:14+00:00

Ancient wisdom:

Treat "attractive girls (that)tend to know they are attractive" like ugly girls. Not like unattractive girls, like UGLY
girls.

Treat unattractive girls like attractive girls.

" I value my own standards and only want to get serious with girls that I find attractive. " GOOD ON YOU! EXCELLENT!

Just because you're treating unattractive girls like attractive girls, doesn't mean you have to escalate, but it can still be rewarding in other ways.

MrPapotasVIP · 2019-11-30T11:02:55+00:00

Okay, some important things to take in consideration:

1.- If you get with her, your sexual life will suck.

2.- It’s better to be with someone smart than with someone dumb (that’s why smart attractive girls are all taken).

3.- She’ll bring a lot of joy to your life if she is this charming.

I’m also in a kind of like situation like you, but I’m a person who seeks sexual action in a daily basis (when I’m in a relationship), so that’s why I’m not escalating things with this girl either.

mignos · 2019-11-30T12:59:56+00:00

Don't feel bad about it,you are not a bad person for it. If she isn't your tipe but it's a great person in general,befriend her! Introduce her to some of your friends and maybe someone will like her. That's the thing, attraction it's kinda subjective. I love me so THICK girls,but my brother hates that shit,and some of his girls look like straight dudes to me. Don't just see her as "to give the D or not to give tha D, therefore it lays the dilllema" Who's to tell she doesn't have a hot friend JUST your tipe, and when she introduces you ,that hot babe ask "yo he cool?" And your new friend says "aye he legit" BUM buff to pick up sexy cutie. Your welcome

apexbamboozeler · 2019-11-30T13:53:20+00:00

I guarantee she gives good head...but think about how many girls have thrown u a bone...not literally...in the past

nolongerstacy · 2019-11-30T14:07:05+00:00

Can we just be real? U shouldn’t feel bad for not being attracted to someone. And also shouldn’t feel bad she’s overweight. Didn’t she make those decisions herself

ajswdf · 2019-11-30T14:10:14+00:00

In my opinion there are very few people who are just steaight up ugly with no hope. Both men and women have a lot more control over their looks than most people think.

It's impossible to say for sure without seeing a picture, but I bet if she put more effort into her looks she would be attractive enough.

holdmysugar · 2019-11-30T17:43:55+00:00

I purposely try to chat up unnatractive girls, because they usually love the attention, and it is great to make new friends. IMO the more friends, the better.

Some of these girls have become good friends over the years. Another benefit is female friendships can be allies when it comes to meeting new girls and having karma points. They are a good reference for you as a decent human being.

liquid_lightning · 2019-12-02T18:35:49+00:00

In 20-30 years, the attractive girls will be unattractive too, just like the girl you couldn’t be interested in. But the former will still be unintelligent and boring while the latter will still be fun and interesting.

makeupanddrawing · 2019-12-05T11:56:28+00:00

[permanently deleted]

chiminage · 2019-11-30T03:54:28+00:00

Once the looks fade what do you have?

NewtypeJ · 2019-11-30T05:10:32+00:00

It’s interesting to me that you pity her for being what you define as unattractive. Let me tell you that a female 2 will get more guys than a male 9 could ever get. It’s almost a system of supply and demand in a way. I recently met some girls while I was waiting for my Uber. One of the girls approached me and said “Hi”. I guess she recognized me from work as she works in the office next to me. We started up a conversation and her equally unattractive friend asked me to go out to eat with them. I was hungry and I didn’t see a problem with it so I said sure, so the three of us split the Uber to go to a restaurant.

While we were there, the girl that started a conversation with me showed me her Tinder profile as if to brag. She probably recognized that she’s not the prettiest girl. Let me tell you, she had over 1200 likes. She also showed me a picture of the guy she’s currently sleeping with, I’d give him about a 7 and considering she was a 4, that’s saying something. As a man, don’t feel bad about not being attracted to ugly women because they can get a hot guy way more easily than you can get an 8 or 9.

About “10s” Of course 8s and 9s know they’re attractive. They hit the gene pool and they put in work to look like that, between make up, eating right, and working out. They deserve to have some kind of pride due to their hard work (or money well spent). The fact of the matter is that attractive girls are going to be harder, I’d be lying if I said they weren’t. They set a high standard because they don’t want to mix their genes with someone of a lower caliber than themselves. A long time ago, it was impossible for a male 4 to mate with a female 9. Now due to game (and society’s laws) it’s completely possible to find fat, beta looking makes with beautiful, intelligent, and capable women.

Finally, if you’ve made it this far, I commend you. Don’t settle. That is the most important lesson in life, not just in picking up women. Don’t settle for anything when you deserve better. You always deserve better. A while ago, a guy on here (gonna keep him anonymous) mentioned the phrase “Out of my league”. I never understood that. She might be attractive, so what? She’s intelligent, cool so am I. She’s a capable woman, I’m a single bachelor, I love on my own and no one takes care of me. So why would I settle for someone who’s not on my level?

auxdub · 2019-11-30T09:38:33+00:00

Don't feel bad. You do realize that women, in general, have no mercy when it comes to rejecting guys that don't fit their criteria. It is what it is, relationship game is not for the weak, both men and women.

totalwpierdol · 2019-11-30T09:35:55+00:00

A couple of thoughts:

- You feel bad for her, cool, seems like you are a good guy. But nobody really cares about unattractive guys. Nobody feels bad for me when I'm lonely just because I'm not one of the cool kids. I have to deal with this on my own. Meanwhile society in general is very compassionate towards women, even ugly ones.

- I'm curious what exactly was wrong with the woman you call unattractive in your post. I'm wondering whether it's a result of not taking care of herself. Because there's very few women who take proper care of themselves and yet still are unattractive. I know they exist, but those are rare exceptions.

- It's true that women's looks matter more than men's. It sucks, it's one of rare instances when men are at the advantage because they have more potential of making themselves more attractive

lavenderxbacon · 2019-11-30T12:11:07+00:00

There isn’t really such a thing as an unattractive girl. Different people like different things. I’m not what you’d consider a ‘hot girl’ but I still get plenty of attention. I find most of my friends partners unattractive, and most of them will find mine unattractive.

This girl is physically unattractive to you. And that’s ok. Someone else probably finds her beautiful. Physical attraction is a very subjective thing. Studies have shown that a lot of it can be chemical, you can be drawn to someone because your body knows that you’d be compatible mates.

It’s a common thing for people to feel that someone’s great in so many ways but to not be physically attracted to them. Especially when dating, sometimes it’s like “They’re perfect! The whole package! Why don’t I like them?!”

But you do like them. You like this girl. You just don’t want to date her. That’s fine, and that’s normal. That’s why relationships other than romantic exist. That’s how friendship happens. Guys talk about the ‘friend zone’ as if it’s something only females do. Guys don’t want to bang it out with every girl they meet, either. It’s the same.

You don’t need to feel sorry for the girl. I’m sure loads of people do find her attractive and she’ll for sure find somebody right for her, if that’s what she wants. And you, too, will meet someone you find attractive both physically and mentally.

BlackNRosso · 2019-11-30T04:42:07+00:00

To be honest, this is just a mindset just like guys are the one who should chase, make the first move, approach etc.. In my experiences if I like a girl no matter how attractive or unattractive she is, I get over it and feel like I'm attracted to her acts and brain.

BigClemenza · 2019-11-30T05:00:35+00:00

There has to be some element of physical attraction for it to work. Just because you don't find her attractive doesn't mean someone else doesn't.. "beauty is in the eye of the beholder" and all of that. Having standards isn't a bad thing it just means you know what you want, and if anything it saves you from wasting your time as well as others'. I know I have high standards but also know I am attracted to women who aren't the conventional standard of beauty as well.

incredible-mee · 2019-11-30T06:22:42+00:00

!remindme 15 days

verdant11 · 2019-11-30T07:43:30+00:00

Spelling is attractive

Sephar · 2019-11-30T07:51:32+00:00

Know that this unattractive girl is probably fobbing off swathes of unattractive guys who also deserve better. Never feel guilty about maintaining standards. I bet there's a lot the girl could do to improve her appearance, as well. Your pity is no good on anyone in that regard.

7udgerKresnik · 2019-11-30T07:55:46+00:00

What if the girl is unattractive but her body is perfect like thicc and big round ass are you consider to be with her?

stikkinikkk · 2019-11-30T08:11:01+00:00

Hasn’t been my experience, not everyone wants a relationship and just because someone is ugly doesn’t mean they are attracted to everyone.
Literally not what we’re talking about. Apples and oranges. Also people don’t have to be attracted to everyone, if you don’t find someone attractive, then you don’t, that’s fine. Men and women. Assuming someone is desperate and wants you just because you’re more attractive than them is not fine.

kali883 · 2019-11-30T08:37:41+00:00

Firstly, you’re a great guy for putting this conflict of yours out there. It shows that your priority right now is to find someone for some action. Given that context, you’re doing ok. But, given the conflict, you’re probably looking for more than just action, some conversation. Just remember, when the lights go out, you can continue talking till morning.

BryanJz · 2019-11-30T08:48:39+00:00

Men are visually stimulated, not really something to feel bad about. This is just human nature, biology.

greenteaapplepie69 · 2019-11-30T09:53:43+00:00

As an ugly girl, this post made me decide to *skittle side

youKnowImRightBitch · 2019-11-30T10:05:48+00:00

Finally, a fucking guy that cares.

kinosavy · 2019-11-30T12:06:25+00:00

Don't worry about her too much. You said she deserves someone and she will likely find someone. There is someone for everyone. There are plenty of guys who will get over or not care about her face (which you mentioned was the issue). Maybe someone who makes less money, someone who is a lot older than her (I see older guys in their 50s and 60s often care a lot more about youth and personality than facial structure), or someone with just low self-esteem. I have several colleagues actually who have terrible faces but ended up happily married to guys that other girls might want. One woman is awesome is every way--Ivy League grad, partner at a BigLaw firm, confident, dresses wonderfully, funny, has her priorities straight, and fit body--other than a face you can't unsee. She ended up marrying an attractive guy to her when they met as friends in school. I'm not that into him, but he has a great face with a chiseled jaw and is very nice. Another with both a terrible face with a big crease between her eyebrows and eyes too close together and overweight body, but also way more confidence and assertiveness, is married to another BigLaw colleague who makes as much money as she does (so who would likely be desirable to women who are focused on income) but is also so ugly it's hard to look at him. They are super in love and will be bringing in over a million a year in combined income. They travel constantly.

ArmitageShanks69 · 2019-11-30T13:16:06+00:00

This girl will end up being the perfect partner for someone. For many guys a girl's looks will be secondary - yes, innately a man is initially attracted to a woman's physical beauty, but we are all individuals and all have our subjective preferences. Guys in the pick-up community on top of natural players who go around 'banging hot chicks' make up a very small and exclusive percentage of the male population.

shockedpikachu123 · 2019-11-30T13:36:07+00:00

When you’re unattractive, you have to compensate somehow. I feel life is easier for someone who is attractive so an unattractive person will have to work twice as hard to make it

DajuanKev · 2019-11-30T14:43:12+00:00

The girl, how your describing, has a beautiful soul. She's to be great on her own without us.

ericcart · 2019-11-30T15:26:08+00:00

You basically said it yourself: if she was hot she wouldn't be as engaging or friendly to you. So why would you feel sorry for her? She doesn't care about you. Just worry about yourself.

boring_enigma · 2019-11-30T16:27:14+00:00

I usually go for girls that I like physically and after talking to her, decide wether we have chemistry. If I like her beyond just looks, I pursue but if she has nothing but looks then it bores me out. I think of myself as boring too though. That said, there are times that I got hooked to girls that werent physically my type and did pursue. I got attracted to them because I got comfortable being with and felt I was being myself the most when we were hanging out together. Felt like everything was natural, there were awkward silences but conversation would still follow. And then you realise that she's so cool and stuff. So obviously, I like physically attractive girls and look for it first but in the end compatability and chemistry trumps physical attraction.

fatfrost · 2019-11-30T17:14:12+00:00

Set her up With someone you think highly of. Do them both a favor

V4refugee · 2019-11-30T17:41:57+00:00

What do you really value? Would you rather have a more attractive girlfriend with a worse personality? You may also get both if you keep waiting or put in more time. I personally don’t value looks over everything else and personality makes a person more attractive to me but it won’t completely make up for looks.

__TheDon__ · 2019-11-30T18:16:24+00:00

Maybe if she had the looks, she wouldn’t be as awesome as she is. Maybe she’s the way she is because she knows she’s lacking in the physical attractiveness area, therefore she needs something else to make up for it. Just like the fat guy. He knows he’s unattractive, therefore he tries his best to be funny. That’s why many fat guys are hilarious.

Something to think about.

Gnostromo · 2019-11-30T18:17:21+00:00

We want the whole package. Looks and personality and compatibility. We know the first one instantly. We can figure the 2nd one out in a month or less. The 3rd one takes somewhere between one conversation and a lifetime to figure out.

Whopper_Jr · 2019-11-30T18:37:10+00:00

"I always knew that my looks were not going to get me anywhere so I have always worked on my personality."

sammygirl246 · 2019-11-30T18:51:28+00:00

I think you can find something attractive about just about anyone. I might not like the whole, but there’s usually something (eyes, smile, teeth, hands, etc.) that I can anchor to. Attraction is also something that can grow in my experience.

I’ve also come to the conclusion that average looking men are better in bed (they actually have to try) and are generally more pleasant to be around. Super hot people have never had to try, everyone else is out there hustling! Give me a dad bod with sparkly eyes and an awesome personality over any pretty boy. Relationships are 99.9% spent outside of the bedroom. Give me a good father. A hard worker. Someone that loves their family and helps strangers. The guy that will come change your tire and scrape the snow off your car in the morning. Someone that likes to have FUN. If you really want to seal it, give me one that does dishes! Guaranteed you’ll become attractive in my eyes.

I don’t discount that attraction is important, but it’s also not fixed. People that may not catch your eye immediately can still build to be your perfect idea of beauty. Faces should really match hearts.

ImJustAHeroForFun · 2019-11-30T19:15:48+00:00

She seems like a good friend to be around! Dating is friendship with sexual attraction, if you don't have any it's only friendship.

Jatjr · 2019-11-30T19:25:43+00:00

This is why it is important for both parties to exchange visually clear normal picture of themselves (online dating) before they engage into getting to know each other.

Without physical attraction, train wreck is waiting to happen. I am attracted to certain “types” and I need to pursue that for sake of responsible dating.

ilmattoh · 2019-11-30T19:55:08+00:00

Imho you can't control physical attraction. It's just a matter of evolution: you are attracted to the best mating material first from a physical point and then from a character point.

There are cases where this is kind of untrue, tough. Think about average guys who have really hot gfs. They have great game, personality and maybe a good lifestyle. They were lucky they were able to find a girl who can see trough physical attraction but they also worked their asses off to look good (gym, clothes), maybe have a stable job and also a strong personality (know how to keep an interesting conversation going etc.)

Still these guys would get instantly turned down by some girls who are into looks and don't care about personality and stuff or are not able to settle for someone less beautiful than them. It's just a numbers game.

One wise thingy teacher used to say tough was: " Beauty fades with times, stupidity does not".

MsT1075 · 2019-11-30T20:09:26+00:00

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Men and women - what is meant to be, will be. You will know it when it’s truly meant to be. Meaning, no forcing, no faking. Happy loving, happy dating.

skunkbear444 · 2019-11-30T20:46:04+00:00

I think what isn't thought of is the other side. With her looks she has a lot more incentive to be open and fun or she would never get any attention.

If she grew up hot do you think she'd be the same person? Not a chance.

This girl is driven by incentive like anyone else. I am sure there are fat ugly guys with hearts of gold that she has shot down or ghosted on. Hell she probably is right now on dating apps as I type this.

xmaskypopz · 2019-11-30T21:59:20+00:00

I relate to this so hard

jst_cre8 · 2019-12-01T01:34:09+00:00

There is nothing wrong with not finding someone attractive but it’s better to view it as there just not attractive to you. They don’t fit what your naturally attracted to wether that’s a girl with blue eyes, freckles, wtv kind of hair etc. you get it. Truth is looks is what matters in the very beginning and the personality is what keeps you. If her beauty didn’t grab you from first glimpse then you don’t need to pursue her. However sometimes when you spend time with someone and you connect with them personally then looks seem not to matter as much. Trust me man I get it, I have a very specific type of girl that I’m attracted to and my gf fits it. She’s beautiful and all but her personality is what makes me really be in such love with her bc we have been through a lot and we have gotten through it and that’s what matters to me bc it shows who you are when shit really hits the fan and that’s when you see a persons true colors. Don’t feel bad my friend she just wasn’t for you no biggie as long as you didn’t disrespect her or anything like that then what your feeling isn’t wrong. Another person might feel the same about you as well man it’s just reality. Someone else might find her like a queen.

Delusionalconfidence · 2019-12-01T17:34:18+00:00

She will have plenty of options if she’s out and talkative. You don’t need to be her option

1111InTheMatrix1111 · 2019-12-08T04:54:28+00:00

Put a bag over her face bro. That always works wonders where I'm from.

KingOfNeptune · 2019-12-12T23:41:10+00:00

This is what friendship is for. Friendship is the most sacred bond between humans. Bestowing it upon her is not a small honor and is not undervaluing her.

Physical attraction is a separate thing. When physical and personality attraction come together in one person, then that makes them significant other material.

A significant other is just a friend that you also want to fuck.

But most people will not meet these dual criteria. Most won’t even meet one. That’s okay. It’s what makes it sweet when people do.

Jumpingonair · 2019-12-24T05:16:24+00:00

Don’t be ashamed of yours standards. Sexual attraction is very important in a relationship.

1xltP3mgkiF9 · 2019-11-30T13:24:37+00:00

And yet, as a an ugly, 37 year old virgin I keep getting opinions here that it's my fault, my attitude and lack of skills. You fucking hypocrites :/. You wouldn't date anyone who you find ugly.

Eagleshot1234 · 2019-12-25T22:12:05+00:00

People say “Looks do not matter”. It is one of the biggest lie in the seduction sub reddit. It is annoying as we all wish this was true.

AligatorTears · 2019-11-30T09:22:06+00:00

That extra effort the ugly ones put into being interesting and enjoyable to be around translates in other areas too. I've gotten with a few girls I wasn't physically attracted to just to have the experience. The few I've been with have some incredible tricks to take your mind off what they look like.

The downside is that my most effective pickup tactic has been building reputation in niche communities as the guy who only fucks hot girls, so girls who need an ego boost come to me and receive validation for being one of the hot ones. If it gets out that I'm okay hooking up with a hagraven then it impacts my reputation and can cost me opportunities. I once hooked up with a 4 just for the hell of it and the very next weekend she was following me around the club crowing about it to anyone who would listen. It wasn't a bad encounter in isolation but I'll never do it again inside a community where I'm building a reputation. It took a year of bringing hot girls to the club from outside to repair the damage from one night.

NordRedditor91 · 2019-11-30T14:05:12+00:00

Don't feel bad about it, women reject n flake on men for the most ridiculous and superficial reasons, so you're not guilty of anything and therefor nothing to feel guilty about. Besides, there's a good reason as to why looks are important in a woman - sex. If the woman is unbearably ugly, it's just gonna make your dick go soft, making it an unpleasant experience, specially if you're gonna be with her longterm and only gonna fuck her, whilst women don't need to be turned on to have sex. It's how we men are wired, pure n simple.

mar0530 · 2019-11-30T05:24:31+00:00

Honestly even if a girl is physically attractive, I can’t even make the effort to continue trying to game if her personality is bland and has basic tastes but that’s just me. I’m not into the whole poppy poppy bubble gum bs

MikepGrey · 2019-11-30T05:37:36+00:00

Well is she out of shape or ugly, if shes out of shape take her butt to the gym and watch her become sexy (did htat one my self)

Silva_Shadow · 2019-11-30T09:59:21+00:00

She's pretty much a guy to you. Don't dwell on it, if you feel bad for her, feel bad for all the ugly guys out there too, feel bad for all the average guys out there that this girl is turning down.

Hadoken71 · 2019-11-30T12:04:04+00:00

The fact that you even posted this is problematic, ugh

projectshave · 2019-11-30T13:08:59+00:00

Beauty doesn’t last. You’ll meet and marry an attractive partner. In 10 years most will turn into fat middle-aged moms/dads. All you’re left with is personality. What are you going to do then?

ethical_pa · 2019-11-30T19:30:10+00:00

Girls have the same guilty feelings when they can't get wet for nice guys. And I mean genuinely nice guys but with no edge. That's how it is... Just be grateful you're a guy

spadezoface · 2019-11-30T03:41:13+00:00

Try spending more time with her, with time you may end up seeing her as attractive despite her appearances

Insaneflirt_max · 2019-11-30T05:45:02+00:00

You do know that the male brain is attracted to looks first right

And female brain is attracted to other things

Society and mainstream feminism got so hard to your head that you're now ashamed of what you're attracted or not attracted to.

Also, being physically attractive is to some degree a sign of intelligence.

fareorb · 2019-11-30T12:10:15+00:00

I want a physically attractive girl that has the personality of a physically unattractive girl. Best of both worlds lol. Good looking people just feel like they’re entitled to everything(because people treat them well) and it comes off as not very humble.

kinosavy · 2019-11-30T15:10:23+00:00

Don't feel bad about finding her unattractive. Sexual attraction should be one of the most important things to consider. It is not the only one, we know that there are very hot girls that are complete garbage as human beings. Things work differently for each person, but if a girl doesn't attract me, if I don't feel that primal thing building inside as I see her and interact with her, I would not escalate. Now, you can be his friend if you wish so, but if the topic comes, do her a favor and make it clear that you are not attracted. Honesty might hurt but in the long run, the alternative is messier.

2019-11-30T16:07:40+00:00

I hope she gets a great guy too. Clearly that isn’t you.

ImJustSo · 2019-11-30T16:28:22+00:00

I look at it this way, there's a ton of great people that I wouldn't be physically intimate with because I'm not attracted to them. That includes gay men. Gay men are just as attractive to me as a woman that I'm not attracted to either.

Why would I feel bad about not being gay? I'm just not attracted to men. If I were, I'd fuck dudes.

So if I'm attracted to a girl, I'd fuck her. If I'm not, where should the guilt come from?

I'm a flirt, because I'm me. My flirting doesn't mean I'm attracted, which implies I've got to be reacting to someone to be myself. All it means is that I'm flirty. Attractive women, old women, dudes, married women, unattractive women, I don't concern myself with others choice of self. They all have their own self to be. Their attraction to me doesn't dictate how I should respond.

I don't automatically expect a woman that flirts with me to reciprocate my attraction. I don't expect her to touch me or be touched against her will. I don't expect anything and so I don't like it if anyone places those expectations on me either.

anonymous478569 · 2019-11-30T21:49:20+00:00

Welcome to the club. Now you know how attractive girls feel about that ugly dude who got his shit together and everything. Dont feel bad about it, she will find someone who doesnt mind her ugly figure.

HolyhackjackSF · 2019-11-30T18:27:48+00:00

She sounds like a better person than you. You don't deserve her.

nofapApollo · 2019-11-30T06:41:52+00:00

You're a fucking guy. You need the physical attraction first for any of that other stuff to matter. Stop apologizing for being a guy.

JUST_WANTTOBEHAPPY · 2019-11-30T07:24:37+00:00

You feel sympathy because you draw parallel the unfairness if a guy is ugly be might dealt the same thing. Well partially true. Difference is ugly girl still get attention from beta male loser who can't get girls, ugly guys however...good luck with that.

Point is ugly guys have to put in a lot of work, imagine working out ,invest in good style clothing, learn a lot to be charismatic, work a lot in your life to be successful, be extremely good in certain area of life..combine all this. Now this guy have a chance to get attention from woman..in fact girls who is way hotter than him. Think of it like dating up, a man looks is not a detrimental effect on quality woman he can potentially date

You get what you put in. Ugly girls don't have a chance however to date up. And that's fine. That draws an interesting debate. That's why you often hear girl around 7-8 is best for girlfriend material. Any higher you tend to deal with woman that is very bitchy in nature. While there is some error in the argument I can see where they are coming from.

Back to what you said it's true, never date down, know your potential, life isn't fair.

Edit: correction ugly woman do have chance to date up ，look around u can see handsome brother who have ugly girlfriends. Hmm so idk what the fuck am I talking about

presobg · 2019-11-30T10:10:15+00:00

Why are you apologising every 10 seconds? I feel bad this that I dont care It makes reading this a fucking slog. We know how good hearthed and woke you are op give it a rest and get to the point.

Oh she's a great person I love her..If only she wasn't a fat slob.

Hmm have you maybe ever given consideration to the possibility that she is nice and cool with you because of her low self confidence? Aka trying to appease you?

I doubth she would be so funny and cool with people she doesn't find attractive like fat men.

Also slim women dont go out with fat men if they are not rich and they dont "feel oh so bad about it" So why should you?

This fat/ugly girl would be the same as the others if she was not fat/ugly.

I went on a rant but whatever

Cocksmasher69 · 2019-11-30T15:40:28+00:00

So, what, are you expecting praise or something for talking to her? What is the point of this point except to demonstrate how shallow moids are?

Title	Lets have a discussion about something thats been bugging me: Unatractive Girls
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	772
Comments	327
Date	November 30, 2019 1:58 AM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/e3ox5w/lets_have_a_discussion_about_something_thats_been/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/lets-have-a-discussion-about-something-thats-been.1485003 https://theredarchive.com/post/1485003

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